


Drift Compatible

by MeganMoonlight, nanuk_dain



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Action, Angst, Australia, Chuck Lives, Drift Compatibility, Drift Hangover, Drift Science, Drifting, Drivesuit Scars, Explicit Sexual Content, Ghost Drifting, Kaiju-slaying, M/M, Male-Female Friendship, PBC (Post-Breach-Collapse), Post-Movie, Pre-Movie, Shatterdome Family, Shatterdome Shenanigans, Stacker Pentecost Lives, Team Hot Dads, perfect match
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-27
Updated: 2018-01-17
Packaged: 2018-04-11 14:05:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 43
Words: 230,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4438340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeganMoonlight/pseuds/MeganMoonlight, https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanuk_dain/pseuds/nanuk_dain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are pairs of pilots that are so in sync that they become one entity during the drift, and they're called a 'perfect match' - only five of which have been known in the entire history of the PPDC.</p><p>This is the story of the relationship of Stacker Pentecost and Herc Hansen, from their first meeting to Operation Pitfall and beyond. And because it was destined to happen, it's also the story of Raleigh Becket and Chuck Hansen finding what they never even looked for - especially not in each other.</p><p>UPDATE: Chapter 43 - Bonds</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chance Meeting (Stacker/Herc)

**Author's Note:**

> **Please note:** This is basically a repost of all the fics of the Drift Compatible series in one multi-chaptered fic to make it easier for you to download the entire thing. I noticed it got a bit long with over 30 fics and that saving it for offline use was becoming a real hassle... I'll still keep posting new fics in the series format, though, this doesn't replace the series, it's additional.
> 
> I hope you like this new format (hey, I even got rid of the odd typo XD) and that it makes life easier for you! I still LOVE comments (my secret addiction XD) and if you feel like saying something, feel welcome to do so ^_^

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> RAAF pilot Sergeant Hercules Hansen and RAF pilot Lieutenant Stacker Pentecost first meet in Afghanistan, back when the world's biggest problem were the wars humans were fighting among themselves.

_Kandahar, Afghanistan, August 2007_

Stacker shows up to the briefing early, as usual. He waits quietly in the back of the tent for the commander to start. It doesn't take long before all the pilots are present.

"We're getting some reinforcement today." the commander announces from his vantage point at the end of the tent. "There's a unit of Royal Australian Air Force chopper pilots joining us for the next three weeks. We'll be training together, and we'll fly missions together, so get to know them."

That's about it. Stacker goes about his duties until two hours later the choppers set down and the British unit meet their Australian counterparts. They're an easy-going bunch, and it's natural to banter already over lunch. Stacker is quiet and only joins in when he's directly spoken to. There's one guy who sticks out of the group. Not because he's trying to, he just caught Stacker's eye. The guy's all sunshine and big grins, his hair a bright ginger and his skin covered in freckles. For a moment Stacker wonders how far down they stretch before he pushes that thought resolutely away.

His name tag says that he's called H. Hansen. He's five years Stacker's senior and has a voice like dark, velvety sandpaper. He's all clean shaven, his hair in a perfect crew cut, and he stood perfectly at attention when Stacker first set eyes on him outside on the tarmac. A born soldier. But there's also another side to him, Stacker feels it, but he can't put his finger on what exactly it is.

Hercules Hansen - "please don't ever call me that, it's just Herc" - has a kid that he proudly tells everybody about, a boy named Charlie who's just four years old and, according to the picture Herc carries in his wallet, resembles his father not only in the colour of his hair. Stacker finds himself talking to Herc quite often over the next weeks. Somehow they just click, and Stacker feels surprisingly comfortable and at ease around the Australian. He doesn't give it too much thought.

About halfway through the three weeks of joint assignment some of the guys get the great idea to have a fighting match, Australia against the UK. The units get to vote who is supposed to fight who, and Stacker is not too surprised that they want him and Herc to prove their worth against each other. The guys picked up on how well they got along - another factor might be that Stacker and Herc are the tallest men out of their respective units. He hears it being titled 'The Death Match of the Giants'. Of course there are bets.

When Stacker steps into the makeshift ring - it's more a cleared out space in one of the supply tents - he is greeted by Herc who's in the opposite corner, getting cheers and last minute pep talks from his mates. There's several days worth of stubble covering his cheeks, and Stacker can't help noticing that it's ginger, too. If nothing else, it tells him that Herc Hansen is a true redhead. Stacker also notices that he likes the rough look it gives Herc, how he feels more real now than he did when he looked all neat and shiny. It makes him damn attractive, not that Stacker would ever admit that aloud.

The guys are shouting around them, cheering and making bets. There have been several fights already and the score is 3:2 for the UK. Herc and Stacker meet in the middle and bump their fists, and it's then that a spark of excitement courses through Stacker when he was pure calm before. He returns Herc's grin that speaks of pleasant anticipation.

They start slowly, watching each other for a minute or two. Once Stacker has a feeling for his opponent, he starts for real, punch here, kick there, duck, parry, attack. It's an amazing feeling. It's as if he is in sync with Herc, as if he knows what he's going to do, where he's going to move, what attack he's going to carry out. It seems to be a two way street judging by the way Herc is able to counter all of Stacker's moves. For a moment Stacker wonders how long they can keep going before one of them wins.

Turns out they can keep at it for quite a while. The tension of their audience rises along with the volume of their cheering. Stacker is panting, the sweat has long since stopped pooling at the waistband of his PT short and is running down his body freely. He's relieved to see that Herc is faring no better. He lost track of time, but the burn in his muscles tells him that they must have been at it for quite a while.

The end comes quicker than expected. Stacker makes a move to get Herc's arm in a joint lock at the same time that Herc goes for a headlock with his legs around Stacker's neck. They end up in a heap of tangled limbs on the ground, and there's nowhere to go from there. Pete, their referee for the evening, calls it a draw. Herc eases the headlock and Stacker loosens the tension on Herc's arm until they're both relaxed, their chests rising and falling with heavy breathing.

"I'd say we're pretty evenly matched." Herc pants and grins at him. He doesn't seem upset about the way their fight ended, more amused and high on adrenaline.

"I'd have to agree." Stacker replies and returns the grin, his head resting against Herc's thigh since he hasn't bothered moving when he was released from the headlock. "Haven't experienced anything like that before."

"Me neither." There's a pause before Stacker hears the Australian chuckle. "But it sure as hell was fun."

With those words Herc untangles and gets up, holding his hand out to pull Stacker up as well. Stacker can't fight the grin on his face. It was a good fight. No, it was a _great_ fight. "We should do it again sometime."

"I'll hold you to that, mate." Herc replies when they're leaving the ring, his smirk lopsided but sincere. They make their way to the bathroom tent to get cleaned up, then they return to the match. In the end Australia wins by just one point.

The little tournament somehow changes the dynamics between the Australian and the British pilots. There's an ease that wasn't there before, as if they're finally becoming one team instead of two units working together. The missions they fly together go off without a hitch and command is very satisfied with the results of the joint assignment. Before he's ready, Stacker finds himself standing on the tarmac again with his fellow pilots and it's time to say their goodbyes. All around him men are hugging and slapping backs. He's not the only one who found a new friend during the past three weeks.

Herc comes to him last, stands in front of him for a moment, then he pulls Stacker to him. They hug, tight and strong because they both mean it, then the moment is gone. Stacker steps back, so does Herc, and they clasp hands in a warrior's handshake. Stacker catches the blue gaze and holds it, giving a real smile. "It was a pleasure, Herc."

"It sure was, mate." The smile on the Australian's face is a bit lopsided. It always is when he really means it, Stacker has learned over the past few weeks. "Until we meet again, Stacks."

Stacker nods and watches how the Australian unit spreads out to head to their choppers. Last minute boxes are loaded, pre-flight checks carried out and then they lift off in perfect formation. When he watches the choppers disappear Stacker feels almost sad that he will most likely never see Herc Hansen again. 

It's only in the privacy of his own thoughts that he admits to himself that he has maybe fallen a little bit in love with an Australian chopper pilot he's only known for three weeks.


	2. In Shock (Stacker/Herc)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They haven't seen each other in years, yet here Stacker Pentecost is, telling Herc Hansen that his wife Angela is dead.

_Sydney, Australia, September 2nd 2014_

 

The knock on his door comes sooner than Herc expected. He's been waiting for it ever since the smoke settled in the aftermath of the second nuke. He made sure Chuck stayed with Scott because he doesn't want his son around to witness the suits coming by to tell them with impassive faces that Angela has been killed, and they're really sorry, but that it was necessary to deploy that nuke for the survival of the city. 

When he opens the door, he thinks for a moment that maybe his assumptions about the visitor were wrong. There's a tall black man standing on the porch, familiar although they haven't seen in years. He's wearing a dark blue uniform, the insignia of the UN on his shoulder. That alone is enough to let Herc know that this isn't just a friendly visit. He still can't help feeling pleased to see the Brit again.

"Hello, Herc." Stacker greets him, his voice the same dark velvet that Herc remembers from Afghanistan. Stacker never breaks eye contact when he continues speaking. "I'm here on behalf of the UN. Your wife... she was killed during Scissure's attack."

Herc feels as if the somebody pulled the rug out from under him. He has to close his eyes for a moment in order to rein in the sudden onslaught of pain. It doesn't matter that he knew what was coming. "How?"

Stacker understands right away. "The building she worked in was destroyed by the kaiju."

"So it wasn't the nuke." Somehow it matters, it's important to know that Angela wasn't killed by the very people who were supposed to protect her and all the other people in downtown Sydney who died today.

"She was already dead." Stacker replies, and although it feels like each word is a knife being twisted in his chest, Herc appreciates that he's not sugar-coating things. Yet Herc does not manage to find his voice, to say anything. He just stands there in the middle of his entrance room, trying to understand that Angela won't come home ever again.

“I'm so sorry, Herc." Stacker's voice is rough with honest emotion. It's not an empty phrase, not meaningless, polite words said because there is an awkward silence to fill. No, there's understanding and sincerity in his dark voice, and it is an anchor that Herc clings to in the maelstrom of pain and grief. 

It's the warm, comforting hand on his shoulder that breaks him, though. Suddenly Herc feels overwhelmed by the realisation that things will never be the same again. His son will have to grow up without his mom who he loves so much, no matter that he pretends to be all grown up now that he's ten years old. No more cheering for opposite teams during a baseball game because Angie and him just could never agree on the same team. No more Sunday breakfasts out on the porch with Angela licking the jam off the knife no matter how many times Herc teased her that she was setting a bad example for their son. No more of her beautiful, wild, free laughter that infected everybody around her. Instead there's nothing. She's gone. 

There's not even a body to bury.

Oh god, how is he supposed to tell Chuck...? 

Herc swallows and he wonders why his gaze is so blurry. "I had to choose. Angela or Chuck. I had only enough time to get to one of them..."

He should have tried harder to reach her. Maybe the kaiju hadn't killed her, maybe he could have got to her before they fired that nuke. If he had just tried...

Without a word Stacker steps inside the hall and closes the front door behind him. Through the haze of emotions Herc notices the arms that wrap around him and pull him into a strong embrace. His forehead comes to rest on Stacker's shoulder and that's when Herc cracks. He doesn't even realise that he's sobbing until he feels the warm hand on his neck, slowly carding through the hair at the base of his head. Herc focusses on that touch because he knows he'll lose himself if he doesn't hold on to something, _anything_ , right now.

Stacker doesn't say anything, makes no soothing sounds. He's just there, just holds him, just lets him cry because that's what Herc needs now. Herc screws his eyes shut and lets go of his control, lets Stacker take his pain, trusting him to be strong enough to take it. He doesn't know how long it takes for his breath to calm down, for his tears to stop and his mind to clear slowly. 

Oh man, he's so glad that Chuck is not here to witness this. He doesn't want Chuck to ever see him this weak and broken. He's the only family Chuck has left, and he has to be strong for him, make sure he grows up as happy as possible given their - and the world's - situation.

Herc takes a deep breath and tries to regain his composure. He allows himself another moment of comfort in Stacker's embrace, then he pulls himself together and straightens up again. Stacker lets go of him, but doesn't step back. Somehow his closeness helps Herc to focus.

"Thank you." Herc forces out although he doesn't trust his voice. He's right not to, it sounds rough and hoarse, strained to the point of breaking. If it were anybody but Stacker, Herc wouldn't have said a word. He wouldn't have let got like that. They may not have seen often since Afghanistan, but the immediate, unconditional trust is still there.

"I wanted to be the one to tell you." Stacker murmurs as if he has to explain why he's here, in Australia, in Sydney, in Herc's house. 

"I kind of already knew." Herc admits. The moment he had to choose between his wife and his son, he knew that one of them would not survive. No matter that Herc's mind told him that Angela's death wasn't his fault, he still would blame himself for the rest of his life that he hadn't saved her, hadn't protected her like he should have. It was a choice he hoped Chuck would never have to make.

"I'm sorry for..." Herc doesn't have the words, so he just gestures at himself and Stacker, the room, the entire situation. Stacker catches his gaze, holds it.

"I understand, Herc." Stacker's voice holds such a profound sadness that a shiver runs down Herc's spine. "I've been there. I lost my sister to Trespasser. She was a pilot, like us."

Herc nods, he still doesn't trust his voice. It's obvious that Stacker doesn't think less of him for breaking down, and Herc is incredibly grateful for it. There's that hole inside his chest where just this morning Angela had fit, and he doesn't know how to deal with it.

"Where's your son?" Stacker asks, and Herc sees him looking at a picture of Angela and Chuck on the wall next to the door to the living room. They're laughing out loud about that seagull that attacked Herc four times before he managed to snap this picture. It's a bit out of focus, but Angela always loved the sincerity of the emotion the photo had captured.

"My brother takes care of him." Herc clears his throat and drags his gaze away from the picture. "I didn't want him to experience some suit coming by to tell him that his mom is dead."

Stacker nods, clearly understanding where he's coming from.

"That's something he should hear from me." Herc continues very quietly, then he closes his eyes and lets out a deep sigh. "I have no idea how I'm supposed to tell him."

"There is no gentle way of saying it, Herc." Stacker holds his gaze, willing him to understand. Herc suddenly gets it - Stacker has been in Chuck's shoes at some point, he's speaking from experience. "He's old enough to take it even worse if you tried to. Be honest, and stay strong no matter how he reacts."

"It will be rather violent, I think." Herc says and sighs. Chuck is going to take it hard, and Herc is not sure if he's the right man to deal with a furious, hurt, traumatized Chuck when he's barely keeping it together himself. 

"I'm sorry I can't be here to support you." Stacker replies. Again it's not meaningless pleasantries, but sincere regret, and it catches Herc off guard. "The UN has other plans. I'm leaving for Seoul tomorrow morning."

"Always busy, aren't you?" Herc gives a smirk. It's weak, but it's there.

Stacker understands the effort it takes and rewards him with a chuckle, accepting his change of topic. "Seems there's always some catastrophe in the making. If it's not a kaiju, then it's a politician..."

 _'I'm not sure which one is worse'_ , Herc wants to quip, but the words die on his tongue, leaving a foul taste in their wake when he thinks of Angela.

"Yeah, I know the feeling." he says instead. Only then does Herc remember his manners. "Do you want something to drink?"

There's a smirk tugging on Stacker's lips, an involuntary reaction to the out-of-context question. "I'd like to, but I can't. I have another meeting in an hour. I wrestled for just enough time to come by."

"Thank you." Herc holds Stacker's gaze, then he draws him into a quick but heartfelt hug. "That it was you who came to tell me."

Stacker returns the embrace, and just nods to Herc's words. Then he says his goodbyes and heads for the door. He is almost gone before he turns and catches Herc's gaze. "Don't be a stranger."

Herc nods because he's sure his voice will fail him. He hears the unspoken words and they feel like balm for his grief-shaken soul. _'You don't have to deal with this on your own. You can always talk to me. I want to know how you're holding up.'_

The door closes behind Stacker with a gently click that somehow leaves Herc feeling cut off from the world. He closes his eyes for a moment, braces himself and then straightens. The hole where Angela used to be is slowly expanding with every moment the certainty of her death sinks in further. 

"How do I tell him, Ange?" Herc whispers. He can't help asking her for advice, almost silently and just under his breath, but he still asks. She always knew how to handle Chuck, she got through to him when Herc didn't. Now it's just him and Chuck. They will have to make do, somehow, but Herc doesn't know how. 

He stares at the door for a long time before he finds the strength to move. He has get to Scott's. 

He has to tell Chuck.


	3. The New Guy (Stacker/Herc, Stacker & Tamsin)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tamsin can't help thinking that there's more to the new guy than ginger hair and a great smile. Stacker's reaction to him leaves no doubt about that.

_Jaeger Academy, Kodiak Island, Alaska, July 2015_

 

“Hey, Stacks!” Tamsin spots the tall figure of her co-pilot in the hallway and shouts to make him stop. He turns around just as she and the new guy reach him.

“We got fresh blood in the programme.” Tamsin says and gestures at the new guy next to her. “This is-”

“- Hercules Hansen, RAAF pilot from Sydney.” Stacker cuts her off and finishes her sentence with pretty much the same words she would have used. 

Tamsin is confused, not only because Stacks knows the new guy's name, but also by the huge smile – a real, honestly pleased smile – that spreads over his face. She looks from one to the other. “You know each other?”

Before she has even finished her question, Stacks and the new guy are wrapped in a bear hug, and she hears Stacks say: “It's so good to see you, Herc.”

The new guy chuckles and pats Stacks on the back. “You too, mate. I never expected we'd end up serving together.”

“Me neither.” Stacks replies before he lets go and they step apart. Tamsin is just staring at them. This is the most openly affectionate she has ever seen Stacks with anybody other than her and Luna. This guy means something to him.

“So I take it you _do_ know each other.” Tamsin remarks with a raised eyebrow. She can't help it, she just has to tease them.

“We served together in Afghanistan.” the new guy – Herc – explains with a shrug. “Long time ago.”

"It's hard to imagine nowadays that people bashed their heads in for stuff like borders or religion." Tamsin says with a slow shake of her head. "We have bigger problems now."

"Quite literally." Herc remarks dryly and Tamsin has to laugh. Oh yeah, she knew this guy would be fun the moment she saw him among the new arrivals. 

"And you're going to become a Jaeger pilot so that you're at eye level with the problem." Tamsin chuckles. 

"Exactly. First class of the newly established academy, I was told." He smirks. "So I guess we'll be the guinea pigs."

"Who's training to be your co-pilot?" Stacker asks curiously - and that gets Tamsin's attention, because Stacks is never openly curious in public. She knows him well enough to be able to tell when he is, but right now that's not even necessary, he's not bothering to hide it around the new guy. Now that's interesting.

"Scott, my younger brother." Herc shrugs. "We signed in after... after Scissure."

"I'm sorry about your wife." Stacker says very quietly, and the gaze that passes between them tells Tamsin that there's a whole story behind it that she isn't privy to.

The new guy's mouth turns down and a shadow passes over his face before he nods. "Thanks, Stacks."

Tamsin raises one eyebrow in astonishment. She knows the reputation her co-pilot has - cold, fierce, no-nonsense, strict, disciplined, reserved, keeps to himself. Not somebody you would refer to by his first name - he never offers, either - and certainly you wouldn't dare to use this affectionate nickname without the fear of being crushed like an ant. Tamsin knows she's the only one to get away with it, and she has the bonus of having grown up with Stacker, he's practically her brother. That the new guy uses his nickname without even the slightest sign of discomfort tells her more than a thousand words could have. 

That Stacker doesn't oppose to it tells her even more.

"How's your little boy?" Stacker asks and looks sincerely interested. 

Tamsin smirks at the long-suffering sigh Herc seems to be unable to suppress. "Not so little anymore. He's quite a handfull, and hellbent on becoming a Jaeger pilot. Spends more of his time studying Jaegers than he probably should."

"How old is he?" Tamsin asks, because suddenly she remembers that a few years ago, Stacker mentioned meeting a fellow pilot - who had a young son back home - while he was stationed in Afghanistan. This must be him. Wow, Stacks really knows how to hold on to a crush.

"Chuck's twelve now."

Tamsin whistles. "Ow, that's a rough age."

"Tell me about it." Herc gives her a wry grin. "You'll probably run into him at some point - if it's gawky ginger teenager, then it's Chuck."

Tamsin laughs. "My, you should have seen Stacks at that age. Like an awkward puppy - all legs and arms but nothing quite in the right proportions."

Herc grins at her conspiratorially. "I hope you have pictures you can show me."

"Oh yes, I certainly do." Tamsin returns the grin, totally ignoring Stacker's indignant face, and hooks her arm into Herc. "We gingers must stick together, after all."

"You're not a natural redhead, Tam." Stacker says in a feeble attempt to break up the alliance he can feel forming.

"Doesn't matter, mate." Herc replies and winks at her. "Red is red."

Tamsin throws Stacks a triumphant grin, then she turns to Herc. "Come to lunch with us. We're on our break now, anyway."

"Sure, thanks. I don't even know where the mess hall is, we literally just arrived."

"Let us show you, then." Stacks gives him a little smile and then the three of them head off to the mess. Herc walks between them, immediately falling in step with Stacker. In _perfect_ step, mind you. Tamsin has been in the military too long _not_ to notice. 

Lunch is a relaxed affair. Tamsin jokes with Herc and enjoys the comfortable atmosphere. She decides that she really likes him. He's good people, his heart is in the right spot, and he makes Stacker smile more often than anybody else she knows. She watches them unobtrusively during the meal. She will have to grill Stacks when they get back to their quarters. She wants to know everything about the guy that can make Stacks laugh.

After lunch Tamsin and Stacker have drift simulation and Herc has to get to the introduction meeting. They leave the mess together and Tamsin and Stacker bring Herc to the kwoon. They chat while walking there, and Tamsin notices that - again - Stacker and Herc match each other perfectly. They're awfully in sync, those two. Tamsin has observed them for just a few hours, and she's already certain that they're drift compatible. She will definitely trick them into a match in the kwoon at some point to find out if her assumption is correct. 

She really wants to ask Stacks a thousand questions about Herc, but it's evening before she gets the chance. Caitlin Lightcap keeps them busy with some Jaeger tests all afternoon, and during dinner they sit with some other pilots, so there's no chance to talk unobserved. 

Tamsin sees the perfect moment coming when they return to the quarters they share - all co-pilots share - and as if Stacker has expected it, he heads over to the bathroom straight away. He leaves the door open, however, and Tamsin won't be derailed by his half-hearted attempt to escape.

"Sooooo..." Tamsin draws the word out while she settles on Stacker's bunk, strips off her boots and fold her legs under her. "Now tell me exactly what I'm missing here with you and the new guy."

"There's nothing to miss." Stacker has the nerve to reply, all calm and serene, but Tamsin knows him too long, too well, to not see through his façade.

"You could have fooled me." she snorts. "Now spill."

"Really, Tam, there's nothing to tell. I first met him in Afghanistan when we were active pilots, we trained together for three weeks. That's it." Stacks has still not turned towards her, his hands busy in the sink.

"What about his wife. There's more to it, I can tell." Tamsin's not willing to give up that easily. She watches as Stacker turns off the tab and straightens.

"I was the one to tell him that his wife had been killed by Scissure." Stacker finally turns around, and there is a sad, serious expression on his face. "It's not my place to say any more. Some things should never leave the room they happened in."

Maybe it is his voice, maybe it is something in his eyes, but Tamsin suddenly gets is. She remembers when she had told Stacks about Luna, over the phone and with an ocean between them, yet she had known exactly what was going on. They had both broken down during the call, had cried tears over the loss of one of the most important people in their life. They had understood each other, and it was a kind of comfort Tamsin knows neither of them could have got from anybody else. 

Herc must have felt the same way when he'd learned that is wife had been killed. Stacker had been there, and Tamsin is not going to ask about it. She understands and respects Herc's grief too much to do that.

"I get it." she says with a nod and a tiny uplift of the corner of her mouth.

Stacker holds her gaze and she can read in his eyes how much it means to him. "Thanks, Tam."

She gives him a minute, then she leans forwards to rest her elbows on her knees and focus him with a piercing gaze. There is a smirk on her lips. "That doesn't mean that I'm dropping the topic."

Stacker lets out a heartfelt sigh, slightly annoyed and mostly fond. "Tam!"

"He's special to you, I can tell." she goes on as if he didn't say a thing. "I know there has been nobody special for you... well, ever, actually. I don't mean somebody you're just fleetingly interested in, I mean _special_. Now I can't help wanting to know who the guy is who means so much to you. Make sure he's not going to break your heart."

Stacker stares at her, a mixture of resigned annoyance and astonished bewilderment on his face. It makes him look remarkably ridiculous, and Tamsin grins. She loves throwing him off the tracks. So very few people do that, so it's a pleasure every single time. Luna was great at it, too, and Tamsin learned from the best.

When Stacks has still not responded after a minute, looking like he can't for the life of him decide what to say, Tamsin decides to let him off the hook. "I like him. Just so you know, your choice has my blessing."

"What are you talking about?" Stacks frowns at her as if he really doesn't know what she's talking about. She's well aware he's only pretending, and that years of hers and Luna's company have trained him well in the high art of feigning ignorance concerning certain things.

"Come on, don't pretend. I know you like _like_ him." Tamsin can't resist wriggling her eyebrows while saying that, to make it every bit as cheesy as it sounds.

"You're being childish, Ms. Sevier." Stacker does his best to look deadly serious.

"And you're in love, Mr. Pentecost. With a hot ginger Ranger candidate from Australia." Tamsin retaliates.

"I'm not -" He begins to deny it, a reflex. He never liked talking about feelings.

"Spare yourself the embarrassment, Stacks. I'll know after tomorrow's drift anyway." she just remarks matter of fact.

He sighs. He knows it's true. "Okay, so maybe I am."

"Great. We're making progress." Tamsin stretches her legs out in front of her and pats the mattress next to her in invitation, never mind that it's actually Stacker's bunk. "What do you intend to do about it?"

"Nothing." Stacker says firmly while sitting down. He's not joking, she can tell.

"Nothing? Really?" Tamsin can hear the surprised disbelief in her own voice.

"He just recently lost his wife and he has a young son. Both of them mourn the loss of a loved one, and at the same time he's participating in one of the hardest programmes of the world to become a Ranger. I'm quite sure Herc has enough to deal with as it is." Stacker's voice is determined. "On top of that, he's a candidate and I'm an instructor."

"You're just helping out. It's not an official role."

"Still." Stacker looks at her pointedly. "I have... _liked_ him - as you put it - for a long time and it has not influenced my actions. That will not change now just because we happen to live in the same installation."

Tamsin is not so sure about that. She doesn't say a word, though, because she feels that this is something Stacks has to come to realise on his own. She knows him. He doesn't connect easily - but with Herc Hansen, he did, years ago. And it's still going strong. That is worth a lot in her book.

"Okay." she nods slowly and drops the topic for the time being. She knows when it's useless to continue trying. They go to bed soon afterwards, without saying another word about Herc Hansen, the hot ginger Ranger candidate from Australia. 

But in her mind, Tamsin is already making plans.


	4. Drinks Among Friends (Stacker/Herc, Herc & Tamsin)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Herc joins his few fellow officers on a night out in town shortly after graduation. He has a rather interesting conversation with Tamsin that he is not sure he wants to remember the next morning.

_Jaeger Academy, Kodiak Island, Alaska, January 2016_

 

"Hey, Herc!" He turns to the sound of a familiar voice echoing down the hallway. Tamsin is walking towards him with her typical brisk stride, wearing her PPDC uniform, and her red hair is standing out vividly against the dark blue fabric.

Herc stops and waits for her to reach him. "Hey Tam. What's up?"

"A few of us are going out for a beer or two tonight. Want to join us?" Tamsin grins. "I even got Stacks enlisted. That means that you're practically obliged to come to keep him company."

"I'd love to." Herc admits, then he shrugs. "But first I have to find out if Scott can take care of Chuck for the evening. I don't want to leave the boy alone - he has way too much nonsense in his head for me to give him the opportunity to try it out."

"I bet." Tamsin laughs. She took care of Chuck several times when Scott and Herc were out for training missions during the academy, and it scares Herc a bit how well they get along. If those two ever get up to mischief together, he'll be lost for sure. "Just let us know. We plan to leave from the motor pool at eight thirty. Grab some dinner, then go on for drinks."

"Sounds great. I'll give you a shout as soon as I know." 

"Perfect." Tam grins and then rubs her hands in pleasant anticipation. "This will be fun."

"Do I have to be scared?" Herc asks, but he can't entirely hide his smirk. He really likes Tamsin, she's full of surprises and it never gets boring when she's around. She's so different from Stacker that Herc wondered at the beginning how those two ever managed to be drift compatible. Now, after spending over half a year in close proximity of both of them, getting to know them for real, he doesn't wonder anymore. 

"No need to worry, Herc. I'm a good girl." Tamsin tries to look innocent. It doesn't quite work.

Herc snorts. "Sure, Tam."

Her grin just widens and she turns to leave. "I have to hurry. Let me know about tonight!"

"Will do." Herc replies and watches her stride down the hallway. First opportunity he gets, Herc asks Scott about taking care of Chuck for the night, and has to live with his brother's teasing for the rest of the day. Scott has the maturity of a teenager, and sometimes Herc isn't sure it's a good idea to leave Chuck with him. They get up to the same stupid ideas.

It's early afternoon when Herc tells Tamsin that he'll join them for the evening out, and it gets him a big grin. A few hours later he arrives at the motorpool, dressed in casual clothes. No uniform, Tam told him. This was supposed to be a night of fun and relaxation.

When Herc climbs into the cab there are already several people inside. The Wei triplets - nobody seems to be able to tell them apart - sit in the front seats of the little van, then there's the huge shape of Aleksis Kaidonovsky - taking up two seats - and the comparatively small form of Sasha visible in the row behind them. Tamsin is squeezed to the window in the very back, Stacker next to her, and the only available seat is on his other side, which is a tight fit with two men as big as Herc and Stacker. Poor Tamsin does get squished quite a bit. She doesn't seem to mind too much though, just tells Herc to cuddle up and then off they go.

Herc knows the others from the Academy - they were all in the class of 2015 - and the Wei triplets due to some nasty practical pranks. Not only do they have an unlimited amount of stupid ideas that even make Chuck seem tame, but they also know that nobody can pinpoint who actually did what. It's the advantage of existing three times, Herc guesses. On top of that they're so incredibly good at piloting that they know the PPDC can't afford to kick them out. Caitlin Lightcap has even already started working on the specific Conn-Pod that's necessary to accommodate a three-pilot drift.

As for the Russians, the Kaidonovskys are famous not only because they're very impressive each in their own right, but also because they're so feakily in sync that nobody manages to ever beat them. Aleksis is so huge that he's quite literally a mountain, and he knows how to use that, and Sasha is the most badass woman Herc has ever met. She takes no shit from anybody and is very much capable to kick ass, and the other - exclusively male - candidates who bothered her learned that early on. Herc likes her, though, she's what he would want his daughter to be like if he had one.

The badass Russians, the crazy Chinese triplets, Scott and him. There were others who graduated with them, and some of them have already left the Kodiak Island. There's a high demand for Rangers these days. With the amount of Jaeger construction going on, the PPDC needs all the pilots it can get. 

Herc looks around the cab. He's glad that they all made it - the first to graduate from the Jaeger Academy with the sole goal of defeating the Kaiju threat, of defending the people in the cities that get attacked. Now they'll have to prove their worth. Not tonight, though. Tonight is about letting go for one night, about bonding, about friends. There hasn't been much time for that during training.

The drive is slow once they enter the city. Traffic is just as bad as it always is at this time of the day, and Herc has still not got used to the fact that a city that's practically a freezer for half a year and a fridge for the other half is so full of people. Well, he'll admit freely that he's still an Australian at heart and that the climate of Alaska is just not his favourite. He'll take a t-shirt over a jumper any day.

The driver lets them out at a Chinese restaurant - the triplets can't stop grinning, and Herc suspects they organised it - and the group heads inside right away. There's a reservation for them, and a hostess leads them to a table in the back of the restaurant. Herc ends up between Sasha and one of the triplets, and spends dinner discussing the differences of Russian and Australian cuisine with Sasha (he still can't quite believe that she actually loves cooking), when he's not busy keeping the triplet from piling food on Herc's plate once he has almost finished eating. It's surprisingly relaxing, and by the time they leave for the bar, the pleasant atmosphere has been eased by the drinks that accompanied dinner.

They walk over to the bar, no matter that it's ten below outside and Herc has to wear more layers than he even owned when he still lived in Australia. His breath turns into little white clouds immediately and he has to resist the urge to visibly cuddle up under his coat. Aleksis and Sasha haven't even fastened theirs, no hats, no gloves. He muses that it's an acclimatisation thing and that they definitely have an advantage coming from a cold country.

"Cold?" Stacker ask next to him, barely hiding a smirk. At least he _is_ wearing a hat and gloves, Herc notices. It makes him feel a little bit better.

"Not really. I'm tempted to take off my coat because it's so hot." Herc mumbles into his scarf.

Stacker smiles, little laugh lines appearing around his eyes. "You're not quite Russian enough for that, I think." 

Herc loves it when Stacker smiles. It transforms his entire face, makes him look younger and somehow more... _real_. As if this is him, but he usually can't show it. Herc has noticed that it's something he doesn't do often - usually it's only Tam and him getting to see his real smile, and sometimes Sasha and Aleksis.

"I have no hopes of ever turning Russian enough to actually like that kind of cold." Herc replies with a snort, the sound almost muffled by his scarf. He doesn't care if he looks ridiculous - a 1.85 metre tall man huddled up in his coat and scarf like a kid - he just wants to keep his nose from freezing off.

Stacker is openly grinning at him now. It's obvious that the isn't quite as affected by the temperature as Herc, and he seems to find it amusing. "It's only half a block to walk, you'll survive."

"I hope so. Or that hard Academy training was all for naught." 

"Stop whining, Hansen." Sasha tells him from where she's walking in front of them. She's smirking and obviously thinks he's hilarious. "A little bit of fresh air won't kill you."

Herc glares at her. "We'll talk again after you spent a day in the Outback with me, turning into a puddle of sweat, while I'm laughing."

Aleksis just grins. "She doesn't like heat. You'll win."

Sasha elbows him none too gentle. "Traitor."

Aleksis says something in Russian that makes Sasha elbow him again, but with much less force, almost a soft nudge. She's smiling. It's kind of cute, not that Herc would ever dare to say that aloud.

"What did he say?" Herc asks when the Russians have stopped paying attention to Stacker, Herc and Tamsin walking behind them.

"He called her his little snowflake." Tamsin tells him from where she's walking next to him. "If I were you, I'd make sure to never let her know you know that it's Aleksis' nickname for her."

"Yeah, I'm certainly never going to call her that to her face." Herc smirks.

Tamsin snorts out a laugh. "You wouldn't survive it."

They reach the bar only a minute later, and Herc is more than happy to get into the warmth. It's quite busy, but that's not surprising considering that it's a Friday night. They pull three tables together and sit down while Sasha and Alesksis head to the bar to buy the first round. Of course they also bring a bottle of vodka along with the beers.

The Wei triplets seem to think it's a great idea to start with the vodka and then drink their beer afterwards, and Herc already knows they're going to have a hell of a hangover tomorrow. The Russians stick to the vodka right away. They know what they're doing.

Herc spends his first beer talking to one of the triplets - is it the same one who piled food on his plate at dinner or is it another one? - and is surprised to learn that they almost didn't make the first cut due to being three instead of two pilots. 

The first round is gone too soon, and it's Tamsin who gets up next.

"Come on, Stacks, help me get another round." she says loud enough to be heard over the noise. Stacker follows her without complaint and Herc can't help watching the two of them standing at the bar. 

Tamsin is tall for a woman, only some ten centimetres smaller than Stacker, and it surprises Herc every time again when he sees them standing next to each other. Because let's be honest, Stacker is a mountain of a man. He's not only very tall at 1.90 metres - he's one of the very few people Herc has to look up to when speaking to him - he's also of a very broad build and seems to consist entirely of muscles. It's an effect of the Jaeger training, Herc knows. Herc was never fat, but every last ounce he may have had was gone after he graduated from the Academy. And Stacker had been at it even longer than him. 

Stacker is somehow similar to Tamsin and yet her complete opposite. Where she's lively and full of energy that seems to seep through her every move, Stacker is calm and composed, almost as if he just observes the world but isn't really part of it. Herc knows it's just a façade, a mask Stacker wears to deal with all the shit going on around them. He's deeply passionate about what he does, and he's so driven to defeat the Kaiju that Herc is sure he will be one of the leading forces in the newly established official fight against them.

For all their differences, Stacker and Tam are so aware of each other, totally in sync, inside and outside of the Conn-Pod. Herc feels sad that he and his brother will never achieve that kind of trust and sync. They're just too different. They work well enough together and they are drift compatible, but they won't ever be so tuned to each other as Stacker and Tamsin seem to be when they're drifting. Herc has seen them in a Jaeger, and he was more than impressed. There's a good reason why they teach at the academy.

His musings are cut short when Tamsin and Stacker come back to the table carrying beer pints and the obligatory bottle of vodka for the Russians. They are greeted with enthusiasm and it doesn't take long for the glasses to empty while they talk with each other about everything and nothing. There's a sort of group dynamics growing that Herc hasn't felt quite that strongly between them before, and he enjoys it immensely. It reminds him of his days serving in the RAAF, of the team spirit among his comrades that he has never experienced quite like that outside of the forces.

It's Herc's turn to get the next round, and he recruits one of the triplets to help him carry everything back to their rather lively table. He even thinks to bring the vodka, and Aleksis takes it from him with an appreciative nod. Herc ends up sitting next to Tamsin at some point, leaning with his back against the wall, his feet propped up on the side of her chair. They're talking about how Tamsin and Luna once put a frog in Stacker's bed when they were kids and Herc is shaking with laughter when she tells him that Stacker retaliated with a dead fish in her bed and a slug in Luna's.

It takes Herc a moment to calm down. A question suddenly pops up in his mind and he knows he had a few too many, otherwise he would never have said it out aloud. "Can I ask you something personal, Tam?"

She raises one eyebrow, the gesture enhanced by her piercing. "Shoot."

"Are you and Stacker... you know, together? You know each other so well, and you seem so perfectly in sync and..."

He's cut short when Tam breaks out in wholehearted laughter. It's enough to make him shut up. It takes her a moment to regain her voice, and when she finally speaks, the amusement is plain in every word. 

"Hell no! We grew up together, he's practically my brother." She grins, wide and mischievous. "Don't worry, Herc, I'm not going to stand in your way."

It takes Herc a moment to sort through her words, and then he frowns in confusion. Maybe he's had more to drink than he thought, because she's not making sense. "What?"

She grins. "You know, whenever you want to have a go, you have my blessing."

"Your blessing for what?" Herc asks and glances at the empty glasses on the table, quickly counting those that he thinks are his. Yep, quite a few.

"I know you think Stacker's hot." Tamsin says matter of fact. When he doesn't reply immediately, she throws him a disbelieving look. "Don't tell me you haven't thought about it before."

"Of course I have." Herc scoffs. "I'm... I was married, not blind."

Okay, maybe she is making sense. Herc hasn't paid his attraction to Stacker much attention before, but now that she mentioned it... Herc can't help his gaze flickering over to where Stacks is sitting with Aleksis and Sasha. They are deep in conversation, no matter that the vodka bottles and the empty pints on the table tell Herc that they've had quite a few too. Stacker is still in full command of his mental faculties - the man really knows how to hold his liquor - and the Russians don't seem very affected either. Herc can't help noticing that the blue shirt Stacker is wearing suits him really well.

"So?" Tam throws him an inquiring look.

Herc shrugs, but he's sure it doesn't look nearly as casual as it's supposed to. "He's hot. I know that."

"But it hasn't occurred to you to follow that trail of thought any further?" she continues digging.

Herc has to think about that for a moment. "No, not really. You know, not on purpose, anyway."

"Meaning?" That raised pierced eyebrow again.

Herc doesn't look at her when he replies casually, "You can't control your dreams, after all."

"Want to give me any details?" There's a smirk on her face that makes her look positively leering.

Herc just laughs hand shakes his head. "Nope. I'm already going to hate myself tomorrow for telling you all this. I'm not going to make it any worse."

"Don't worry, my lips are sealed."

Herc snorts. "We both know that drifting doesn't require talking. He'll know."

"I know how to put up shields." Tam shrugs, then she throws him a rather naughty grin. "It's not like Stacks really wants to witness all the things I did with Luna."

"You two were together?"

"Yeah, since we were sixteen." Tam chuckles. "Stacks actually walked in on us once, that's what made us tell him. If you can still call it that."

"Not bad as far as embarrassing situations go." Herc admits with a grin. "The sex life of family members is something you usually don't want to know about. I had it the other way round more than once and walked in on Scott getting it on with some random girl. The curse of sharing a room."

"Does he still do that? With Chuck around?" Tam sounds astonished as well as scandalised.

"Getting it on with random girls? Yeah, sure. But not in our quarters. I made sure he got that loud and clear. We have family quarters, after all, which means that Chuck has his own room, but Scott and I are sharing - co-pilot rules, you know that." Herc turns serious all of the sudden. "I don't ever want to have Chuck walk in on Scott and his fuck-buddies."

"Yeah, he really shouldn't." Tamsin agrees. "Teenagers don't want to see that kind of thing when it concerns their family."

Before Herc can reply, the Wei bothers get to the table with yet another round and shake things up. Herc gets another pint - he made sure not to drink any vodka because he can't quite stomach it, he's more the beer kind of person. Preferably Australian beer, but that's hard to get by in this remote corner of Alaska.

There's some movement at the table and Herc gets a new seat smack in the middle of the triplets. Aleksis joins them at some point - probably following the vodka bottle that one of the brothers stole - and mock-fights with one of the triplets for control over the bottle. Herc's gaze flickers to Stacker again, who is sitting between Sasha and Tamsin and looks much more relaxed than he usually does. It's a good look on him, Herc decides with a smile before he turns his attention back to the battle for the vodka. Of course Aleksis wins.

It's well past one in the morning when they arrive back at the Academy. They say their goodbyes rather loudly and stumble off to their respective quarters. It's satisfying to see a slight list to Sasha's and Aleksis gait, because hey, that were at least four bottles of vodka. Admittedly they didn't drink all of it on their own - the Weis were more than willing to help - but Herc would have felt like a wimp if they weren't at least _a little_ affected. 

He makes sure to be extra quiet when he gets to his quarters. The lights are off and he can hear Scott's soft breathing coming from their room while the door to Chuck's room is closed. Herc changes out of his clothes, quickly brushes his teeth and then makes a little detour on the way to his bunk to peek into Chuck's room to check on him. It's a habit he picked up when Chuck was still content to be called Charlie and loved riding his dad's shoulders. It was a long time ago.

Chuck's messed up ginger hair is the only thing visible under the mountain of blankets, and it makes Herc smirk. It's good to know that all the Australians on this base seem to have a dislike for the cold. He quietly closes the door again and climbs into his bunk. Scott doesn't move at all, just quietly snores into his pillow. He has three blankets thrown haphazardly over himself, but one leg is peeking out nevertheless. 

Herc pulls his own blankets up to his nose - yes, he has more than one, too - and waits for the sheets to warm up. He's staring at the ceiling, thinking about the evening. It was fun and he's sure it did help them to bond as a group. He can't help his mind flickering to the strange conversation he had with Tamsin. What was she trying to tell him? That he should woo Stacker? That sounds so ridiculous that Herc has to suppress a snort. Yeah sure, as if Stacker is somebody who would like to be wooed. No, really, they're both not the type for that kind of thing. On top of that, Stacker is the best friend he has had in his entire life. Why would he want to change that? 

Okay, so Stacks is hot. Just think of that amazing smile - if he shows it, that is - and not to mention that fine arse of his that fills out his uniform pants so nicely. It's a fleeting thought, though, and Herc has forgotten it by the time he falls asleep. 

All he remembers in the morning, while very slowly washing his hair in the shower, is that he should have known better than to drink so many pints with hard-drinking Russians and crazy Chinese triplets.


	5. It's in the Drift (Stacker/Herc)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During a drift to test a new Jaeger, Herc learns something about Stacker Pentecost that completely throws him.

_PPDC Proving Ground, Kodiak Island, Alaska, February 2016_

 

It hits him - Herc wants to say square in the face, but that's actually not what the Drift feels like. It's more like it surrounds him, as if Stacker's memories and feeling wrap around him like a blanket.

And right there, hidden in all those impressions, he catches this warm, affectionate feeling coming from Stacker that is directed at _him_. It leaves him breathless, leaves him feeling safe and cared for and like he belongs - and then it's gone, replaced by other memories, other feelings that have nothing to do with Herc. There's Luna, Tamsin, Stacker's dad... There's so much and this little flash of feelings was just a quick impression, so Herc forgets about it before the neural handshake is even fully engaged. 

100%, LOCCENT lets them know. At their first trial Caitlin Lightcap called them a perfect match, him and Stacker. She said it's something she had observed only very few times. The Kaidonovskys from Russia are one, too, she explained. Able to hold a flawless, incredibly strong neural handshake for a very long time. In sync even without being linked in the drift. Compatible inside and outside of the Conn-Pod. Not every pilot even has a perfect match, she said, and it's not necessary to find that person to be able to pilot a Jaeger. It's more like a bonus.

The scientists are still trying to figure out how the Pons works exactly, looking for ways to make the drift go smoother. And during the testing for the development of the new Jaegers, and more specifically the Pons, Caitlin needs all the test pilots she can get to drift together, so Herc agrees to join her testing programme after he graduates. The scientists find out that not everybody can enter the Pons with everybody - there is a connection, a common ground necessary that the scientists decided to call 'drift compatibility'. They also find out that Herc can drift with a lot of people, and they call him an almost universally drift compatible pilot. Stacker is a close second. 

So it's no surprise that Herc and Stacker never had any problems drifting together. On top of their universal compatibility, they're each other's perfect match. Since the other Rangers aren't universally compatible, though, Stacker and him don't pilot on combat missions together. Stacker was paired with Tamsin before Herc even joined the academy, and they share a very strong bond. Herc pilots with Scott because they work well enough together, no matter that their personalities are so different.

It still never feels as good as the drift he shares with Stacker when they're testing systems for Caitlin. Herc loves those test runs, even if they can be rather painful sometimes when things don't work properly. 

This isn't one of those days, though. For once everything goes according to plan. Herc and Stacker follow Caitlin's requests and move whatever part of the skeleton Jaeger she has in her lab, in whatever way she asks them to. They do the mental exercises she explains to them and let her record their brain waves so that she can work out any bugs in the connection between the pilots themselves as well as between the Jaeger and its pilots. The tests usually go on for several hours, and afterwards Herc and Stacker go to the mess to get some food because they're famished. It's harder work to pilot a Jaeger than it looks, Herc learns early on. 

It was Stacker who came up with a surprisingly reliable way to find out if two Rangers are drift compatible: Have them fight and see how they work _together_ , not _against_ each other. Herc has an inkling that the idea came from the fight between them, back in Afghanistan, when Kaiju belonged firmly in the realm of horror movies and Jaegers were a geek's orgasmic fantasy. Herc has never shared such an intense bond with anybody else during a fight, not before and not after his encounter with Stacker, and it's one of those moments in life he will never forget. Through the drift he knows that Stacker remembers it too.

It's early evening when Herc gets back to the quarters that he shares with Scott and Chuck - who has disappeared again. Herc is not surprised. The kid is a handful, and being a gawky, Jaeger-obsessed teenager has only made it worse. Herc has a good idea where he might be and heads off to the Jaeger bay. It doesn't take very long to find him. Chuck is helping out Maggie, a Canadian J-Tech who allows him to hang around as long as he listens to her and doesn't touch anything without permission. Surprisingly Chuck follows those rules without complaint, probably because he knows that she will not let him join her again if he doesn't.

Herc collects his runaway son to get him into the mess for dinner. He winks at Maggie and mouths a 'Thank you' to her behind Chuck's back before they leave, and she just grins. She likes Chuck, she told Herc once, because he's a lot like her younger brother. Later Herc finds out that her brother was killed in the Vancouver Kaiju attack just a few months ago.

The rest of the evening is a struggle between getting Chuck to do his homework, fending off Scott's annoying attempts to get Herc to go out to some bar, and finishing the paperwork that's accumulated on his desk. Herc is exhausted when he finally gets to bed around midnight. 

It's only then, when Herc lies in his bunk listening to Scott snore on the other side of the room, just when he's about to fall asleep, that he remembers the flash of feelings he got from Stacker during their drift that morning. Suddenly it's back, just in that moment before sleep claims him - that feeling of warmth and comfort and heat and passion and desire... Herc snaps awake, panting, jerking upright in his bed. His eyes are wide open, staring at the wall at the end of his bunk without actually seeing anything, and suddenly he just _knows_.

Stacker Pentecost is in love with him. Has been for a very long time.

It leaves Herc breathless. He is certain that Stacker never wanted him to see that in the drift. He's not that kind of guy, he would never take advantage of something as personal as the drift. No, he would address the matter directly if he wanted Herc to know. It has slipped, and that makes it even worse - now Herc feels guilty, as if he's peeked into something he has no right to see. 

How is he supposed to react? Does Stacker even know that his feelings bled through the drift? Maybe Herc should just talk to Stacker, tell him that he saw it. But that would be awkward, because Herc doesn't know where to go from that. There are obvious questions he needs to answer for himself before he can even think of talking to Stacker. Like, does he return the feeling or not? Does he want to act on it? Does he want to forget the entire thing? Does he find Stacker attractive?

Well, that's an easy one. Of course he does, he's not blind. Touching Stacks - or Stacks touching him - is certainly something he wouldn't be opposed to. He noticed Stacker already back in Afghanistan, but Herc was happily married with child, so anything other than looking wasn't even an option. They haven't seen much of each other since Angela's death, although they kept up contact, and Herc will never forget what Stacker did for him back then. It was an act of friendship that probably saved Herc from losing it altogether, and he knows that. Stacker gave him the chance to break down, let out the first, most intense wave of grief, and trust that there was somebody to hold him together throughout it. There aren't many people Herc would have trusted with that. Only Angie, and she couldn't do it anymore.

So, does he trust Stacker? Yes, unconditionally, and he has for years. Angela always said that trust was the basis for every relationship. But does he want to enter a relationship with Stacker? Because Herc knows Stacker well enough to be aware that this isn't about fucking around to blow off some steam. This wave of feelings Herc got from him through the drift told him unmistakably that this is the real thing for Stacker. 

Okay, he really has to think this through. With a deep sigh Herc lies back down and stares at the ceiling, his thoughts running rampage. He suddenly remembers that weird conversation he had with Tam on a drunken night out in town. About how she is not and has never been an item with Stacker, and that he didn't need to worry about that. That he should go for it, that he had her blessing.

Oh heck, she knows. Okay, that's a stupid statement, of course she knows. She and Stacker are family, and as if that wasn't enough, she drifts with him. Out of the blue all those hints she gave him during that conversation make sense. She'd been playing matchmaker and he hadn't even noticed it. Herc realises suddenly that she never stopped playing matchmaker, it's just that she's incredibly subtle about it. 

Now that he thinks about it, there are many opportunities he can come up with where Tam played a vital role in bringing him and Stacker closer together. After all, she was the one to get them to try-out in the kwoon. She probably guessed beforehand that they were drift compatible, but she knew it would never go anywhere as long as it wasn't official. It was her as well who - seemingly in passing - mentioned to Caitlin that she should test her Jaeger tech developments with Stacker and Herc as pilots, since Tamsin was engaged in training the recruits that afternoon. Which had resulted in the regular testing they were doing for Caitlin now.

Okay, so Herc admits that he likes it a lot to drift with Stacker. It's as if he's finally complete again when they're engaged in the neural handshake, and that hole that Angela left behind when she died has finally closed. It makes him feel whole and at peace, and he knows from the drift that Stacker shares that feeling. 

He wouldn't miss drifting with Stacks for the world. He wouldn't miss spending time with Stacks for anything, period. 

Herc is still confused, but now there are so many new layers to this issue that he can't stop thinking about it. The only thing that is clear and undisputed in his mind is that Stacker Pentecost is in love with him.

And in the course of the sleepless night, Herc realises that it might just be mutual.


	6. Drift Compatibility Testing (Stacker/Herc)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Herc decides that it's time to act. The Kwoon after midnight seems as good a place as any. Especially with that connection between him and Stacker singing in the air while they spar.

_Jaeger Academy, Kodiak Island, Alaska, February 2015_  
   
Herc spends the day after his sleepless night observing Stacker Pentecost.

He's still doesn't entirely know what he's supposed to do. Learning through a slip in the drift that Stacker is in love with him is one thing, reacting to it quite another. So he allows himself a period of reconnaissance before he'll decide. It's always wise to know the territory before you go in guns blazing.

Now that he pays attention, _really_ pays attention, Herc notices all kinds of things. Like how he and Stacker always move in sync when they're together, never mind if they're in the Conn-Pod or not. That'll be the perfect match factor coming in. He also realises that they say tons of things by exchanging a glance instead of using words. That he's the only one apart from Tamsin who calls Stacker 'Stacks' and gets away with it. That Stacker smiles with him, for him, but doesn't do it for others. 

Okay, so Herc already knew beforehand that he's part of the very small inner circle of Stacker's friends, _real_ friends, but he hadn't realised what that means. He is privy to a side of Stacker that others don't get to see. He knows the affectionate, caring man behind the cool, strict façade of the senior Ranger. He knows that Stacks has a dry, twisted sense of humour, knows what Stacker's smile looks like. He knows the sound of Stacker's rare, wholehearted belly laugh, and it always makes a shiver run down his spine.

Not to mention his voice. It was the first thing Herc noticed about Stacks back in Afghanistan, and it has never lost its fascinating quality. Not only does Herc admit to having a weakness for the English accent he finds rather cute, it's especially the dark, rough timbre that gets to him. Always has, if he's entirely honest, he just didn't pay it any attention before. 

Now there's an entirely new layer to it, though. For a moment Herc allows himself the luxury of closing his eyes when Stacker explains a fighting strategy during a group training session in the Kwoon, and he just listens. It's like a physical caress, especially when Stacker lowers his voice and it gets this rough edge, like he does when he wants people to pay attention. It always works, and Herc knows exactly why. 

But there are also other things Herc can't help picking up on. Like how Stacker moves with a kind of controlled yet easy grace that makes him look elegant when he walks, and dangerous when he fights. Herc takes in the wide shoulders and the narrow waist, the strong, defined arms and the admittedly really nice butt. The Ranger uniform is a very good fit on Stacks, accentuates his strong build in all the right places, and Herc catches himself staring during the training session when Stacker is demonstrating a complicated move with Tamsin. 

God, Stacker's hot. How is it possible that he didn't see it before, Herc wonders and continues to watch. Well, he _did_ notice, if he's entirely honest, he just didn't pay attention - and now he can't stop. Stacker looks so incredibly good in his navy blue tank top that shows off his arms so perfectly. Herc finds that he wants to run his fingers over the beautiful dark skin. He wakes from his musings when he sees Stacker very uncharacteristically stumble on the mats. He catches himself quickly and continues fighting with Tamsin, but Herc can't help wondering what that was about. Stacker is many things, but clumsy isn't one of them. 

Herc tries to concentrate on the lesson instead of watching Stacks, but it proves difficult. In the end he decides that it's fortunate for him that he's standing in the middle of the group during the entire training seesion. He's reasonably sure that nobody picks up on his distracted condition. 

It's over lunch that Herc finds out that his... _distraction_ hasn't gone quite as unnoticed as he's thought. It's Scott who addresses the matter, all the while munching his potatoes as if there is nothing more important in the world.

"So, will you tell me what's been going on with you all day, bro?" Scott asks and looks at him strangely, his fork paused midair on the way to his mouth. 

Herc doesn't even bother to look up. He knows it'll give Scott only more ammunition. "Nothing."

Scott just snorts in disbelief. "Yeah, sure. Try again."

Now Herc does look up, but makes an effort to appear bored. "Really."

Scott raises an eyebrow in challenge. It does make him look rather devious, Herc decides. "Do I have to dig the next time we drift or is it something I don't want to see?"

For a moment Herc is tempted to dump a shitload of his newly discovered Stacker related fantasies on Scott during the next drift should he really feel his brother digging. But a second later the angry clench of his stomach takes the decision out of his hands. It takes a moment for Herc to recognise it as jealousy - he doesn't want to share anything of Stacks with Scott. Never ever.

"You don't want to know." Herc replies finally, making sure that his voice doesn't sound too serious or threatening because that will only provoke Scott's curiosity. 

A grin spreads over Scott's face, and now he definitely look devious. "Do you have a new lover?"

Herc makes a point of continuing to eat, seemingly casual, although Scott has kind of nailed it. "What makes you think that?"

"The distracted state you're in, the dreamy face, the not wanting to answer my question..." Scott counts off his fingers, then he shrugs and turns serious for once. "You've been pretty much abstinent since Angela. So if you finally did find somebody, I sure as hell won't stand in your way."

It makes Herc swallow hard. Not only because he's not used to Scott being so insightful and actually caring, but also because what his brother said is true. It's been almost one and a half years, and he hasn't touched anybody since. No one-night stands, although he did have enough offers. It just felt wrong.

With Stacker, it doesn't. It's weird how Herc knows that Angela would have liked him, would have wanted Herc to move on and live instead of just going through the motions because she's gone. Which is exactly what he has done for the last one and a half years. She would have wanted him to find happiness again, even if it wasn't with her. She was strong like that. There was a reason why he fell for her when he first met her.

Herc slowly shakes his head. "I don't have a new lover. But thanks, anyway."

Scott keeps staring at him for a long moment and Herc can tell that he wants to poke some more. He's almost surprised when Scott nods, says "Okay" and returns his attention to his food. It's almost tactful and very unlike Scott, but Herc is grateful that he chose this very moment to be considerate for once in his life. Herc's not at the point where he can withstand an interrogation about his love life. Not yet. 

The rest of the day is a mixture of watching Stacker, trying to be more careful about it, and doing his duties while thinking about what he should tell Stacker, how he can possibly start that conversation that's going to be painfully awkward. Herc has never much liked talking about feelings, and when it concerns things he's not even supposed to know, it's even worse. He's very very glad that today there's no Jaeger testing scheduled with Stacker, because he knows there's no concealing his inner turmoil during a drift. 

Ever since his first drift with Stacker, Herc is aware that their connection is different. Of course Herc knows about the drift hangover, as it gets called by most of the pilots. He first experienced it after his first drift with Scott, and Herc has to admit that he didn't particularly like it. He has no interest in being connected with Scott's mind once they're out of the Conn-Pod - they're too different, and he likes keeping a certain amount of distance just like he did ever since they both hit puberty. So the lingering feeling of Scott was somehow unsettling, and Herc was relieved to find out that it faded away on its own after half a day.

With Stacker, the drift hangover is so much stronger than with Scott, and it doesn't fade - it never entirely disappeared after that first drift, in fact. It weakens a bit when there's a long period of time inbetween their drifts, but it's still always there. After realising that, Herc was surprised to find that he doesn't mind it like he does with Scott. To the contrary, he actually likes the feeling of Stacker in his mind like a constant companion. It's not as precise and strong as the neural handshake, it's more impressions and images and feelings. Sometimes Herc feels like Stacker is putting up some sort of shield, though, but he's never asked. It seems like it's too private a question. 

When it's almost midnight, Chuck is asleep in his room and Scott is somewhere out partying, and Herc paces up and down the living room of their quarters, feeling too restless and too tense to go to bed. The day has piled up observations and realisations that now seem to block his mind, and Herc wants it clear for the talk he's planning to have with Stacker tomorrow. In the end he decides to go to the Kwoon and practice for an hour or two. He really needs the mind clearing effect of a good workout. 

Herc quickly changes into his PT gear and then makes his way over to the Kwoon. Even before he enters the room, he hears the telltale sound of feet shuffling on the mats in training. Herc sighs but keeps going. It's just his luck that the Kwoon isn't empty the one time he really wants it to himself.

The moment he turns the corner, he freezes on the spot. There's only one person in the wide room, going through the fifty-two positions of the Jaeger Bushido with closed eyes, the movements fluid and sure. Herc recognises Stacker immediately, and he can't stop staring. 

The grace that is inherent in every of Stacker's movements is mesmerising and beautiful, making Herc crave to feel that connection again, the one they've had in every fight they've ever engaged in. The connection that relates directly to their perfect drift compatibility. It's an addictive feeling, this incredible sync and the profound knowledge of your partner. To breathe in the same rhythm as him, to feel his heartbeat as if it was yours, to sink into the flow of synchronised movements that feel like a dance. Like a seduction.

Herc swallows hard and licks his suddenly dry lips. He feels heat pool in his groin, feels it spread from his face through his entire body down to the fingertips and toes. For the entire day he's been wondering what he will do once he gets Stacker alone.

Now he has his answer. 

Herc doesn't bother to walk silently. He knows Stacker is aware of his presence, although he never opened his eyes. Herc stops at the edge of the training ring and removes his shoes. Stacker carries on with his routine and only stops when Herc steps on the mats. He ends his kata with the same graceful elegance that Herc has noticed so many times during the day, then he stands perfectly still for a long moment before he opens his eyes. He's facing Herc and his gaze finds him unerringly. 

Herc returns the gaze and realises again that he has to raise his head to look Stacker in the eye. Strangely enough, it turns him on. It's something he never thought about before, not in that context, anyway. Now he finds that he can't forget it.

Neither of them says a word. They don't need to. Herc feels that Stacker knows that something is up, but they both choose not to talk. Instead Herc takes up position on the mats and Stacker immediately moves to stand opposite of him, closer than he usually would, and bows to open the fight. He never breaks eye contact, they both know that this isn't their usual training fight.

Herc bows as well. The hanbōs lie discarded on the floor next to the ring. Neither Stacker nor him want the distance of a hanbō fight, they want the closeness, the contact, the intimacy of sparring without weapons. They begin to move, circling each other slowly, and somehow every motion, every gaze is charged with something that Herc is tempted to call seduction. 

Stacker attacks fast as a lightning, but Herc knows, _feels_ where he's going and avoids him with ease. When he strikes at Stacker's right flank, he's parried with the same ease. It's like this connection between them is singing in the air, and Herc swears that it feels like electrical charges jumping between them, making the hairs on his arms stand up. Never before did he experience the sexual side of a fight. Because it's there, undeniable, strong and arousing - and mutual. Herc lets himself fall into the mesmerising and familiar rhythm of their coordinated movements, their synchronised breathing, their pulsing ghost drift, and the heat that's entirely new. Every time Stacker comes close enough that Herc can feel his breath on his skin, he experiences it like a full body caress. The feeling is amplified by their connection, and it's addictive. 

After quite some time of sparring without either of them managing to get the upper hand, Stacker gets a hold of Herc's arm, kicks his legs out from under him and suddenly Herc finds himself on his back on the mats, Stacker on top of him. Herc uses the momentum of the fall to turn them around so he's straddling Stacker's waist, his legs tangled with Stacker's to keep him down. Everywhere they're touching Herc's skin feels feverish hot, it's almost too much, but still he wants more. He wants Stacker's bare skin on his from head to toe, he wants to feel the full lips on his. He wants Stacker, all of him, and it's such an intense feeling that it takes his breath away for a moment.

Herc stretches slowly, his body covering Stacker's, and his hands are taking hold of Stacker's wrists, pressing them to the mat next to his head. He leans down, stops with his lips just a centimetre short of Stacker's. He knows Stacker could free himself easily if he wanted to, but he doesn't even try to break the grip. He lies perfectly still underneath Herc, the only movement is his chest rising and falling with fast breaths. They're completely still, the tension wrapped around them like a cloak.

"Your feelings bled through our last drift." Herc murmurs against Stacker's lips. They're so close they're inhaling each other's breath. Herc stares into the dark brown eyes that widen ever so slightly at his revelation, then he loosens his grip on Stacker's wrists to slide his hands up to intertwine his fingers with Stacker's. They close around Herc's almost instantly, their grip firm and sure.

"What do you want me to do about that?" Stacker's voice is even darker than it usually is; warm, rough velvet that seems to touch Herc physically. Each word is a caress of his skin, makes a shiver run down his spine. Stacker's thumbs are slowly but with clear intent brushing over the skin of Herc's hands, and there are goosebumps spreading over Herc's entire body, his heart is beating almost frantically. 

"Show them to me." Herc whispers right before he closes that last gap between them. He feels his brain short circuit when Stacker's lips part under his immediately and Stacker arches up into him, his fingers still firmly intertwined with Herc's. The low, almost pained growl that comes from deep inside Stacker's throat makes Herc shiver. He can feel it rumble from Stacker's chest straight into his where they're pressed flush together. He can't hold back the answering groan, spreads his legs to sink down further and bring his groin in contact with Stacker's. Herc bucks his hips, rubs against the answering hardness he can feel through their clothes. It's the undeniable proof that he isn't alone in this desire.

Suddenly Stacker's hands pull out of his and settle on each side of Herc's face to pull him back, not much, just enough so that they can look each other in the eye. They're panting, both of them, and Herc has to force himself to look away from the glistering wet lips he wants to devour again.

Stacker's grip on his face is pure steel, and his voice is a mixture of deadly serious and almost desperate when he speaks. "Don't do this if you don't mean it, Herc."

Herc smiles, one corner of his mouth higher than the other. His fingers trail along Stacker's left eyebrow and he feels him lean into the touch. "I mean it, Stacks."

"You know I don't do casual." It's a last warning, a last way out, and Herc knows he won't take it. He doesn't need it.

He turns his head just enough to touch his lips to the inside of Stacker's right wrist, never breaking the gaze. "Neither do I."

It's exhilarating how Stacker responds to him, to his words, to his touch, to the meaning behind it. His mouth opens and he licks his bottom lip, his eyes grow dark and hot, his breath speeds up and there's a not quite stifled shudder passing through his body. When Herc licks over his pulse point, it seems to be too much and Stacker pulls Herc down with his hands that are still resting on his face, parting his lips right away when they touch Herc's, and thrusting his tongue deeps inside Herc's mouth. It's a possessive claim as much as it's a desperate question, and Herc can't help responding to it in kind. He's overwhelmed, but yet he knows exactly that he wants this, wants Stacker, with all strings attached. 

A low groan leaves Herc's mouth only to be swallowed by Stacker, and he leans in, meets Stacker's tongue with equal passion. His hands find their way to Stacker's face, to his neck, into his hair, touching and caressing and holding on. Underneath him Herc feels Stacker arch up with his entire body, and then he just _melts_ against Herc. It's mesmerising, humbling and incredibly arousing at the same time. Herc feels it through the ghost drift, how Stacker lets go of his mental shields, and suddenly Herc is hit with so many emotions, such _deep_ and _strong_ emotions, that the breath is knocked out of him. 

Herc lets go of Stacker's lips to bite the side of his neck, sucks on the delicious skin, licks along the mark he left.

"I watched you." Herc murmurs into Stacker's ear, his voice low and intimate. He thinks about how he couldn't take his eyes of Stacker in today's Kwoon training session.

"I know." There's definitely a smirk in Stacker's voice. "I felt it the entire day over the drift hangover. You're not very apt at shielding your thoughts."

It's enough too cool Herc's overflowing hormones and he groans with embarrassment and hides his face against Stacker's neck. "What else did you pick up on?"

Stacker chuckles, and the sound of it makes goosebumps spread all over Herc's body. "You like my voice. You reacted to it during the training session. You though about it, too, and didn't bother to keep it down. The ghost drift between perfect matches is pretty strong, as you know."

Herc huffs against Stacker's neck. "I can admit to that. Your voice is sexy as hell."

"You were... _excited_ during my sparring with Tamsin. Something about how the uniform accentuates certain parts, I think. Your thoughts were quite fuzzy on that one."

Herc raises his head enough to glare at him, but there's no heat behind it. "I was distracted."

"I could tell." There's a teasing smile on Stacker's lips, and Herc is tempted to call it smug. 

Suddenly Herc realises something and can't help grinning. "Oh, that's why you stumbled!"

Stacker actually looks embarrassed. "I told you, the connection between us is strong. I got pretty vivid images from you at the time, and it might have caught me off guard."

"How come I didn't feel your thoughts as strongly, then?" Herc asks, his fingers playing with the collar of Stacker's tank top, slipping underneath it, caressing the skin.

"I learned to put up shields." Stacker replies, obviously distracted by Herc's touch. "If you've drifted with as many people as I did, you learn to do that. It's one of the curses of being almost universally drift compatible." Stacker falls silent for a moment, and Herc can for the first time really _feel_ his nervousness over the ghost drift. "You should have felt them come down earlier."

"I did." Herc leans down and presses his lips to Stacker's, a gentle, chaste touch. He understands what it means that Stacks let those walls come down with him, for him. "Thank you for your trust, Stacks."

Stacker nibbles on Herc's bottom lip. "You're welcome." 

Herc closes his eyes, concentrating on the feeling of Stacker's teeth sending little spikes of pleasure down his spine. Then Stacker lets go of his lips and wanders down his throat to the junction of neck and shoulder and _bites down_.

Herc throws his head back, unable to hold back the startled but very pleased moan. He always liked it a little rough. When he'd married Angela, he'd considered himself lucky that she was a wild one, never afraid to use teeth. He'd sported more than one mark over the years, and he'd been teased mercilessly for it in the showers after training on base.

Now it's Stacker who's leaving a mark, _his_ mark, on the side of Herc's neck, just low enough that the uniform's shirt will cover it. Always so thoughtful, his Stacks. Herc wonders what it will take for Stacker to lose it, and he decides that he will find out. Tonight. Now.

Herc turns his head so that he can nibble on Stacker's earlobe without interrupting the delicious feeling of Stacker's teeth on his neck. At the same time he lets his hands wander down Stacker's sides to the hem of his tank top to pull it out of his sweat pants, then his fingers finally touch the skin of his stomach, his sides, his chest. Herc shoves the tank top up and only lets go of Stacker long enough to pull it over his head and throw it aside, not caring at all where it lands. He doesn't hesitate to get rid of his own, too. As soon as the skin of Herc's torso is bared, Stacker's hands are all over him, touching whatever part he can reach.

"God, I love your freckles." he says almost reverently while skirting his fingers up Herc's firm stomach to his chest. Herc wants to reply something witty - he knows his _entire_ body is covered in freckles - but he loses the ability to speak when Stacker's hands slide down his back and straight into his PT sweats to take a firm hold of his arse and _squeeze_. Herc instinctively arches into his touch and groans louder than he should given where they are, but he can't help it. Stacker just found one of his major weak spots.

Stacker seems to pick up on that immediately, but that's not surprising given that he feels Herc's pleasure through the ghost drift that hums strongly between them. It feels like a loop, an immediate feedback of feelings, sensations and thoughts, and not only is it intoxicating, it also amplifies the pleasure in a way Herc has never experienced before. Stacker's hands move with intent on Herc's butt, touching, caressing, massaging. Herc alternately pushes back into his hands and forward to rub his rock hard erection against Stacker's tight stomach. It's driving him crazy, it's too much and yet not enough. He leans down again to claim Stacker's lips in a rather messy kiss, and he can't help moaning into his mouth when the hands cupping his arse pull him closer, making his dick rub against Stacker's with delicious friction.

It's still not enough. Herc needs the barrier of their sweat pants gone, needs to feel Stacker's skin, hot and slick against his own, needs Stacker's hands on him, Stacker's mouth, whatever he can get. His desire transmits through the ghost drift and he feels Stacker shudder underneath him.

"Touch me, Stacks." Herc breathes, his mouth next to Stacker's ear, his voice so rough like sandpaper. "Please touch me."

It's as if that's all it takes, as if his words break Stacker's last restraints, his final grip on control. Before Herc can say anything else, Stacker has thrown him to his side and rolled them over so that Herc's lying on his back on the mats with Stacker halfway draped across him. He gasps in surprise but it's swallowed by Stacker's mouth closing over his. His tongue teases Herc's, and then Stacker's hand is inside his sweats, taking a firm hold of his leaking erection, and Herc's hips buckle under the touch. He can't control it, neither can he suppress the groan that comes from deep inside his throat and gets lost in Stacker's mouth.

Herc instinctively thrusts into the fist wrapped around him, falling in rhythm with Stacker's slow, teasing motions. Oh gosh, it's so good, and Herc's mind goes blank. It's obvious that Stacker knows what he's doing, and he keeps pushing Herc higher and higher without ever letting him come close. Stacker only lets go of him to push down Herc's boxer briefs and sweat pants in one go, and Herc immediately returns the favour.

The cool air touches Herc's hot, sweaty skin, but Stacker's touch is back before he can even think about complaining. Stacker comes to lie between Herc's legs and loses no time to fasten his lips over a hard nipple. Herc pants, his hips bucking in search of friction, his hands in Stacker's short hair, trying to grab it and getting no grip because it's just too short. Still, Stacker hums appreciatively while his mouth is wandering lower over Herc's stomach. He stops just before reaching Herc's erection and looks up with a smirk, catching Herc's gaze, his fingers carding through Herc's pubic hair. "Always knew you were a true ginger."

Herc can't help choking out a laugh because he wasn't expecting a line like that from Stacker of all people. Before he has the chance to reply anything, though, Stacker bends down and licks along the underside of Herc's dick in one long, mindblowing swipe. He doesn't give Herc any time to regroup, he just closes his lips over his leaking tip and all Herc is able to do is let his head fall back with a hoarse groan and surrender to Stacker's most capable mouth. 

Herc can't quite wrap his mind around the fact that Stacker Pentecost is lying between his legs, taking him deep and giving him one hell of a blowjob. He forces his eyes open and raises his head enough to watch it, and Stacker catches his gaze, never stopping the teasing attention he's paying to Herc's erection. It's a fascinating sight, beautiful and exotic, full of contrasts. Herc's white skin, covered in freckles even down to his legs, and then Stacker's ebony hands on Herc's pale thighs, his lips wrapped around Herc's dick, his burning dark eyes so mesmerising, capturing Herc's gaze and never letting it go.

And then Stacker's head starts bobbing and Herc loses all ability to think. His head falls back down to the sparring mat with a hoarse groan, his eyes close on their own accord and Herc is reduced to feeling. His hands are still resting on Stacker's head, carding through the short hair, never pushing, just touching. He hears his own voice making mindless noises that he should be embarrassed about, but he finds that he can't care because he's to blissed out to even think. 

He feels Stacker's pleasure in his mind, joining his own and pushing him even higher. They're one, almost as if their minds were connected over the Pons. It's like the drift all over, just without the clarity, it's just vague images and sensations and ecstasy. Herc lets himself fall into it, no holding back. He knows Stacker, knows he can trust him no matter what, knows he can fall apart and trust Stacker to piece him back together. He'd do all the same things for Stacks, and he's certain Stacker is aware of it. The feeling is incredible, intense to the point of being almost too much, but Herc doesn't pull back, no, he lets himself be dragged in instead. With Stacks, Herc doesn't mind letting all his shields fall, all walls come down. Just like Stacker did for him.

Underneath the skin of his back Herc feels the rough texture of the sparring mats, scratching over his shoulder blades, but he doesn't care. He's arching his back, his head thrown back and his mouth open in a barely suppressed moan of ecstasy while his hips are bucking in thrusts that are controlled by Stacker's hands on his hips. He's close, so close, and it's tempting to just give in, let the pleasure roll over him, wash him away, but he doesn't want this to end yet. He's aware that he's slowly losing his mind when it was actually his intention to make Stacker lose _his_. Herc hasn't had the chance yet to drive Stacker crazy, to make him lose control and he wants it, craves it to a degree that's almost physical. But his own pleasure is quickly heading towards its peak, he has to act now or he will be lost. It takes all of Herc's deeply ingrained self-control to open his eyes and force his hands on Stacker's head to stop his movements.

"Stacks! I'm coming...." Herc barely manages to form the words, he's so so close. But he really wants to share that pleasure with Stacks, wants them to come together this time, their first time. Somehow it's important to him, and he needs to make Stacker understand that. "Want to come with you."

Stacker stills and Herc's dick pops out of his mouth with an obscene, wet sound. It takes Herc a moment to regain enough focus to look up and catch his gaze. Holy shit, Stacker's really good at this. 

"My turn." Herc says, his voice low and hoarse and a tad breathless, and he smirks mischievously. Now he'll find out what it takes for Stacks to lose it.

He pulls Stacker up with his hands that cup his face, and Stacker comes willingly, lets himself be guided to Herc's mouth. Herc licks over Stacker's lips, into his mouth, tasting himself on Stacker's tongue, and it drives the point home that this is real. Herc feels a surge of possessiveness wash over him and he hears Stacker groan into his mouth in response to feeling it over the ghost drift. He melts against Herc, covering his body with his own, and spreads his legs to straddle Herc. He doesn't resist when Herc turns them around, moves with him instead and immediately makes use of the change in position to let his hands grab Herc's butt again. Herc grinds down and feels Stacker's dick hard against his own, and it's so good, so so good. 

Herc leans down so that he can bite Stacker's neck because he feels the urge to mark him, even if it's in a place nobody else will see. He needs to know that underneath that uniform, there is a bruise on Stacker's neck that perfectly fits the shape of Herc's teeth, a mark that is a very personal, intimate reminder of how their relationship has changed tonight. He knows he already has such a mark on the side of his own neck, a perfect imprint of Stacker's teeth, and he feels it throbbing underneath his skin, loves feeling it, knowing it's there. 

Herc's fingers are teasing hard nipples to the point that Stacks is writhing underneath him, and all the while he keeps biting down on the sensitive flesh of Stacker's neck. Stacks bares his throat to Herc, his eyes closed and his mouth ajar, making hoarse little sounds that send shivers down Herc's spine. He loves it, loves how responsive Stacker is, how he arches into Herc's touch, how he gives up all control and just _feels_. It's even more of a turn on to know that he does it because he _wants_ to, and that he wouldn't do it for anybody else.

Herc feels the daze that spreads in Stacker's mind and realises that the neck is one of Stacker's weak spots. He files that knowledge away for later usage, and decides to push them both closer to the edge. He lets go of Stacker's nipple to move his hands between their bodies and wraps it around them both, setting up a fast, no-nonsense rhythm. They're both panting already and he feels that Stacker is getting close, spikes of pleasure bleeding over the drift hangover every time Herc bites his again. 

They're moving in total sync, just like they do during a fight, during a drift, and Herc is doing his best to keep up the rhythm, but he's fighting a losing battle. He's close, oh so very close, and he can feel over the ghost drift that Stacker is, too. So he speeds up his movements, tightens his hand just a fraction, and only a moment later Stacker is buckling underneath him. A surprisingly loud groan is filling the air when Stacker comes in Herc's hand, spurting his stomach. His come makes Herc's hand slide up and down his own erection with even more ease, and it only takes a few more thrusts and then Herc comes so hard that he blacks out for a second or two.

He's not even aware of sagging down on Stacker, the mess they made trapped between their bodies. It takes a while for Herc to regain his breath and to get his brain running again. He comes to to the sensation of Stacker's hands resting heavily on his back, his lips pressed to Herc's forehead. Herc's head is lying on Stacker's chest, rising and falling with each of Stacker's laboured breaths, and he listens to each of Stacker's slowly calming heartbeats.

Herc blinks once, twice, still not willing to move. Stacker doesn't seem inclined either, and Herc smiles at the feeling of the ghost drift brimming with lazy satisfaction. He's totally and utterly spent - and that was just a handjob, he thinks with a smirk. Just imagine what it will be like when they get to a bed and bring the proper supplies to get down to serious business. He wonders with a grin if his mind will survive it.

"What makes you grin like that?" Stacker asks, his voice low and rough. Herc loves the sound of it, loves knowing that it was _him_ who made Stacks sound like that.

Herc's grin widens. "This was so incredibly good that I was wondering if it'll blow my mind to sleep with you."

Stacker chuckles, a quiet, pleased sound that makes his chest move gently. "We should find out."

"Oh yeah, definitely." Herc replies, pressing his lips to Stacker's collarbone. Then he snorts when a thought crosses his mind. "Do you know we were damn lucky nobody walked in? It would have been quite the show."

He feels Stacker's chest rumble with low laughter. "We could have tried to pass it off as a new kind of drift compatibility testing."

Herc can't help bursting into laughter. Serves him right for forgetting Stacker's wicked sense of humour. "Let's just never do that kind of testing inside a Jaeger."

At that, Stacker joins him in the heartfelt laughter. It echoes from the walls of the Kwoon and warms Herc from the inside, because he knows he put that smile, that laugh, on Stacker's face.

Gosh, he's so in love.


	7. Change of Plan (Stacker/Herc)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stacker and Tamsin learn that they have terminal cancer. Of course Herc learns about it too.

_Tokyo, Japan, 15th May 2016_

 

It comes too quickly for them to block it. Onibaba's massive pincer connects with Coyote Tango's head on Tamsin's side, the impact almost shattering the Conn-Pod's hull, denting it to the point of deformation. Stacker feels a surge of immense pain coming over the drift, and then Tamsin is suddenly gone from his mind. 

There's only silence, darkness, a void.

_"Coyote Tango, you're out of alignment! You're out of alignment!"_

Stacker shouts Tamsin's name out aloud, not just in his mind, because he _knows_ that the connection was severed. Where Tamsin's presence was just a second ago, there is a big black nothingness now that immediately fills with the double load of the drift with the Jaeger. It courses through Stacker's entire body, from his head over his neck into his very fingertips and down to his toes, and it feels like the trail it leaves behind is burning into his skin. Fire, hot and searing and so incredible painful, rages through his body, and he can't hold back the scream of agony. 

_"Coyote Tango, what happened?"_

But worse than the pain is Tamsin's lifeless body next to him. She's not moving, she just hangs in the drive harness like a ragdoll. Stacker can't even tell if she's alive or dead. He can't reach her either since he's strapped into his own harness, and he knows he can't disengage because that Kaiju is still out there, chasing the numerous humans running through the devastated main street. Everything but continuing to fight is not an option. 

_"Ranger Pentecost! We're getting no signal from Ranger Sevier! The readings say that the neural handshake was terminated! Do you read, Ranger Pentecost? What's your status?"_

He knows it's not possible to drive a Jaeger solo, that the neural load is too much for a single human brain to take, but that doesn't keep him from trying. Not only would giving up mean his and Tamsin's certain death, it also means that the city will be destroyed. Stacker knows that the Kaiju won't leave any survivors. It's his duty to protect those people. 

It takes a huge physical effort to reach out to the comms. "LOCCENT. Ranger Tamsin is out. I don't know her condition, but the drift is severed."

_"Copy that. Abort mission, Coyote Tango. Abort mission!"_

"Negative, LOCCENT. I'm going after that Kaiju." Stacker grits his teeth and tries not to fight the fire burning in his mind, coursing through his body. He knows he has to work with it to make the Jaeger move, and he concentrates hard on lifting his left arm which is normally under Tamsin's control. It takes a precious second before anything happens, but then he feels it, the movement, the intensifying burn in his arm that tells him that it's working. 

_"You can't pilot Coyote on your own, Ranger Pentecost! You have to disengage the neural connection to the Jaeger or you will sustain irreparable brain damage from the neural load!"_

"I _am_ piloting Coyote on my own right now, LOCCENT." Stacker still feels like he's burning on the stake, in body and mind, but now he's gaining control over the Jaeger's limbs and he feels it responding to his commands on the left and the right hemisphere. He doesn't have the energy left to hassle with LOCCENT about it, though, there are more important things to do. "LOCCENT, I'm engaging Onibaba. Coyote Tango out."

Stacker kills the connection. He needs all his concentration to keep the Jaeger going, he'll deal with LOCCENT later. He blocks out all thoughts and worries about Tamsin, about the consequences of this fight, and only focusses on getting Coyote to turn and follow Onibaba. The Kaiju has left a trail of destruction on its path through the city, and Stacker can see its back in front of him, maybe three hundred metres away. He forces the Jaeger's legs to move, feeling the pain shoot through his muscles when he works Tamsin's side, and keeps going after the Kaiju. As soon as he's close enough, he circles the Kaiju to block its path and throws a punch aimed at the underside of its head, where the armour seems to be thinner. The Kaiju reels back but doesn't back off. 

Stacker doesn't know how long he fights Onibaba. He loses track of time, of the very concept of time, the only thing that matters is to keep the Kaiju out of the populated area. Onibaba manages to inflict some damage to Coyote Tango because Stacker may be piloting the Jaeger, but the performance is not at the same level as it would be with two pilots. At some point Stacker is thrown backwards and feels Coyote crash rather forcefully into a building, and it takes him a moment to regain his control over the Jaeger. By the time he's back on his feet, the Kaiju has moved on to run rampage through the city. Stacker doesn't hesitate to follow.

Only when he has almost reached it does Stacker realise that it's chasing a tiny spot running through the street that's cluttered with destroyed and abandoned cars, debris and even whole parts of the surrounding buildings. Stacker can't make out more than that, but he knows it's a person running for their life, and he throws himself at Onibaba's back with all the momentum Coyote can gain on the short run. He knows he's approaching the end of his strength, he has to end this fight very soon. 

Stacker goes for the Kaiju's ligaments, assuming that they're a weak spot just like they would be in a crustacean of terrestrial origin. He hits them, tears with all his strength, feels them give. As soon as the Kaiju is writhing on the ground, attempting to get up again, Stacker takes the precious spare seconds to load the plasma canon and fires, once, twice. The Kaiju stops moving, but Stacker fires another shot to its head, just to make sure. He knows he can't take another attack, so better be safe than sorry. His exhaustion is bone-deep after driving solo, but more than anything he is worried about Tam who's still hanging unconscious in her harness, still not moving at all. He wants to check on her, but he knows that he can't step out of the connection to Coyote as long as he's not on safe ground. 

His body burns, inside and outside, as if his skin is on fire and his insides are eaten by internal flames. His mind hurts, almost _physically_ hurts, no matter that he knows that is not possible. He's in so much pain that he almost doesn't feel it anymore. Stacker's only goal is to get Coyote on a clear spot on the open street, then he switches the Jaeger off and disengages the neural handshake to its interface. The burning eases immediately, even if it doesn't fade entirely. 

Stacker frees himself off his harness and hurries to Tamsin's side right away. He presses his fingers to her neck, checking for a pulse, and he feels the relief hit him like a truck when he finds it, regular if not as strong as it should be, but _there_ nonetheless. She's alive. 

The rest of the day is blurry in Stacker's memory. He remembers climbing out of the Conn-Pod after contacting LOCCENT to tell them about Onibaba's defeat and ordering an immediate medevac for Tamsin. He remembers the little girl down in the street, surrounded by destruction and death and still smiling at him when she sees him. Her face is imprinted into his memory as one of the only clear-cut things of the entire time after he steps out of Coyote.

The Jumphawks come to transport Coyote Tango back to the Hong Kong Shatterdome for repairs only an hour after Onibaba's defeat. Stacker and Tamsin, who regained consciousness about half an hour after the PPDC medics got to her, are put on one of the Jumphawks to get back to the PPDC medical bay as soon as possible. Three of Tokyo's hospitals lie in ruins, and not only are the remaining ones totally overwhelmed with the onslaught of the injured people of the Kaiju attack, they're also not equipped to deal with the specific neural strains that apply to Jaeger pilots. Tamsin's stable if a bit tired, but otherwise she doesn't seem to be affected by the events in Coyote, and Stacker doesn't show any of the signs of the severe brain damage everyone expected, so it's decided that it's safe to put them through the nine hours of flight it takes to Hong Kong.

As soon as they arrive there, Tamsin gets transported to the med bay. The doctors - not only the medical ones, also the neural science ones - keep Stacker for more tests than he can count because he managed to pilot solo, while Stacker only wants to have a shower and sleep for a day. It's when they tell him to get out of his drivesuit that he finds the long, intricate burns all over his body, a perfect mirror image of the circuits of the suit. The techs who unsuit him can't stop staring, nobody has seen scars like that before. They're still soft and sore to the touch, and Stacker gets a cream that's supposed to help. They're burns, the doctors tell him, from the overload of piloting solo for three hours, and that shouldn't even have been physically possible in the first place. He's lucky he only got burn marks, they continue, and that his brain is still working. He doesn't care much at that time.

When Stacker finally makes it to the med bay, Tamsin is fast asleep in a sterile hospital bed and the doctors tell him that she'll be released tomorrow. They're not sure what caused her to faint, but they're running tests, they tell him, and there's nothing else to do but wait for the results. They want to keep her overnight for observation, and Stacker stays with her for an hour or two, but when he almost falls asleep in the mighty uncomfortable chair, he decides to get back to their quarters.

The next morning when Stacker returns to the med bay Tamsin's bed is empty and new, clean sheets have already been put on. When he asks the nurse, she tells him that Ranger Sevier was released an hour ago, and that she looked fine if a bit tired. Since Tam didn't come to their quarters, Stacker has a good idea where she might be. 

True to his assumption he finds her in the Kwoon, just finishing a sequence of the Jaeger Bushido with the perfection he's used to expect from her. She doesn't look like somebody who lost consciousness the day before, and it eases Stacker's worry, even if only a bit. She knows he's in the room, and looks up when he approaches the sparring mats. 

"How are you, Tam?" Stacker asks quietly, he doesn't want the other Rangers training in the Kwoon to overhear their conversation. 

Tamsin doesn't reply, but there's such a deep weariness in her eyes that Stacker follows her immediately when she jerks her chin at the changing rooms. She heads straight for her locker and takes out a sealed letter, handing it to Stacker without saying a word. Stacker accepts it, frowning, because it's not like Tamsin to be so quiet.

"What's this, Tam?" Stacker asks, noting the official PPDC logo on the envelop.

"Just read it." Tamsin says and turns around to change. Stacker sits on the bench, his back towards Tamsin, and rips the envelop open. He quickly scans the few lines telling him that he and his co-pilot Tamsin Sevier will be retired from Jaeger combat duty, effective immediately. It feels like a kick to the stomach, especially considering what he pulled off just yesterday. 

"They're taking _us_ off the roster? Bloody ridiculous.." Stacker is angry, because they haven't failed, they completed their mission. There's no reason to retire him and Tamsin just because they had a bad day.

Tamsin is pulling her shirt over her head and her voice is muffled when she replies. "I blacked out in the pod, Stacks."

"Don't beat yourself up over that, Tam. I finished it. I have your back." Stacker turns towards her, but she's not facing him, as if she's avoiding to look at him.

He can see her sigh heavily. "I know that you do. That's not what I-"

Stacker doesn't let her finish. He needs her to understand that there's nothing she's to blame for. "Every crew has a bad day _eventually_ , but we managed it. We put the threat down. We have a record. That's got to be worth something."

Tamsin is quiet for a moment, then she lets her head fall forwards until her forehead rests against her locker. Her voice sounds so resigned when she speaks that a shiver runs down Stacker's back. "They did a full work-up after I sparked out like that... I have cancer, Stacks. That's why they're recalling us."

It takes a moment for Stacker to process her words, then he feels icy fingers spread all over his body. No, it can't be... "But the Metharocin..."

"...isn't a hundred percent effective. We _knew_ that when we signed up to strap into a giant nuclear reactor." Tamsin turns and finally looks at him, and it's only now that he believes what she's telling him. Her gaze doesn't waver, but she's quiet, giving him the time he needs to understand what's happening. Stacker still feels her presence in his mind, a faint echo of a drift hangover, and he knows with absolute certainty that she's telling the truth.

"You have to get tested, Stacks." Tam is deadly serious, and he can read it in her gaze. "We were in the same Jaeger, after all."

He nods because he knows she is right. It's impossible that he isn't affected too.

"Look, they're going to treat it and all that, but they'll never let me into a Jaeger again." She looks so lost, so profoundly shaken and sad that Stacker doesn't think twice, he simply pulls her in and wraps his arms around her in a tight embrace. She sags against him after a second and her arms slip around his waist, turning into fists in his shirt. She doesn't cry, she just holds on and breathes deeply. She's strong, and Stacker knows that better than anybody, but he feels that she's close to the end of her rope. It would be different if Luna was still around.

"It's not the end, Tam." Stacker murmurs into her wild red hair. "Promise me you won't give up."

Tamsin chokes out a laugh. "You sound like Luna."

"Must run in the family." Stacker replies and presses a kiss to the top of her head. "And you're all that remains of my family, so please promise me that you won't give up."

She's silent for a moment, then he feels her nod against his chest. "All right. I promise."

Stacker goes to the med bay an hour later and the doctors are already expecting him. They put him through one test after another and then tell him to come to get the results the next day. Stacker's assumption is proven right. Tam isn't the only one who has terminal cancer. It would have been very surprising indeed if he hadn't been affected too, he was in the same Conn-Pod, exposed to the same radiation levels. He's not as bad off as her for the simple reason that he has greater body mass.

For a moment Stacker just sits in the chair in the waiting room and his hands play absent-mindedly with the little metal pill box that he got from the doctors a few minutes ago. It has his name imprinted on the lid and holds an array of pills that he got precise orders on how and when to take. Stacker opens the box and stares at the multicoloured pills, thinking about what the diagnosis means for him. He can never pilot again, the doctors were pretty clear about that. If he ever comes close to a nuclear reactor again, the cancer will worsen faster that he can even say 'terminal cancer'. And if he ever straps into a Jaeger's Conn-Pod again, ever engages in a drift again, his brain – which should technically already be a vegetable after three hours of piloting solo – will be deep fried. Okay, so they haven't used those exact words, but it's the gist of the conversation.

Stacker stands up and begins walking back to his and Tamsin's quarters. He has to tell Herc. It's not fair to keep him out of the loop of something that has such far-reaching consequences. He wishes he could spare him, though. He still remembers the sound of Herc's sobs when he learned that his wife was dead, the feeling of them wrecking his entire body when Stacker had held him and offered comfort. He doesn't want to be the reason Herc will feel like that again, and he knows Herc will take it hard. Probably harder than Stacker himself does.

But Stacker is not the one who will stay behind, after all. 

While walking through the busy hallways of the Shatterdome, Stacker thinks about how he can tell Herc that he's basically already dead, that it's only matter of time. The doctors refrained from telling him how long, because there are still treatments and it could be months or it could be years. They simply don't know. It doesn't make the situation any easier. 

Stacker arrives at his quarters before he finds any words to say to Herc. He hates doing this over the phone and a video chat it the only alternative, he can't just take off and leave to travel to Kodiak Island. Tamsin is not in their quarters, but that's not surprising. Stacker knows they began her treatment right away, so she's spending a lot of time in the med bay. Right now he's glad to have the rooms to himself, he needs the privacy to talk to Herc. It's going to be painful enough as it is, there's no need for an audience.

Stacker checks his watch. The time difference between Hong Kong and Kodiak Island is huge with seventeen hours, so he has to make sure Herc is actually wake. It's almost 11 am, meaning that it's 6 pm on Kodiak Island, so Herc should be in his quarters. Stacker quickly logs into the PPDC network and calls Herc's quarters in the Jaeger Academy via a video connection. It only takes two rings before Herc answers, still wearing his uniform. He obviously came back only a few minutes ago, because he's just about to pull off his jacket. 

"Hey Stacks. Give me a moment, I'll just get a bit more comfortable." Herc greets him, moving around the room, hanging up his jacket and taking off his shoes. Neither Scott nor Chuck are in sight, and although that doesn't necessarily mean that they're not there, Herc's body language tells him that they're still out. Good. 

"There's something important I have to tell you, Herc." Stacker decides to just come out and say it. It won't make it any easier to beat around the bush.

Herc's face turns serious. "Is it about Tam?"

"Sort of."

"She told me about her condition, Stacks." Herc says quietly, and it almost sounds like a reproach. Well, he's not stupid, he will have come to the same conclusion that Tam reached. 

"I have cancer too." Stacker doesn't believe in sugar-coating the facts of life, not when it concerns others and certainly not when it concerns himself. The only thing he regrets is the pain it will cause Herc.

Herc's shoulders sag and his voice is very quiet and almost resigned when he replies, "I was expecting that ever since she called me after Onibaba." 

Stacker swallows hard. It has been almost two days since then. Herc has been going through the fear of uncertainty and worry for _two days_ on his own. Stacker suddenly feels guilty for his inconsideration. He has never even called Herc. He realises that just because he doesn't want to make a fuss about it, doesn't mean that others won't worry. And he should have known that Tam would talk to Herc, they've grown close over the past year. 

Only now does Stacker notice all the little clues that Herc isn't doing too well. Like the dark circles under Herc's eyes that he always gets when he either doesn't sleep enough or not well. Or the lines around his mouth, tight lines of worry. The way he moves as if he's carrying a heavy burden on his shoulders. Stacker knows, _feels_ that it's because of him, because of the blow Herc has been expecting for two days, because of the uncertainty that has been eating at him.

Stacker clears his throat, feeling a lump building there that threatens to take his voice. "Herc... I'm so sorry I didn't call earlier."

"Don't ever do that to me again, Stacker." Herc's eyes are dark with hurt and his voice sounds raw. He averts his gaze for a moment, takes a visible breath, and when he looks up again he has regained some of his composure. "What did the doctors say?"

It takes Stacker a moment to find his voice. He's still coming to terms with the fact that he caused Herc even more pain by not calling than if he had shared the worry right when he'd come back from the tests after Onibaba. He hasn't spared Herc, to the contrary, he's made it worse. "I can't ever pilot a Jaeger again. Severe radiation poisoning from Coyote's nuclear reactor. I have cancer just like Tamsin, but they say there are ways to keep it at bay, at least for now. I'm already in treatment." 

Herc nods at the words Stacker delivers like he would deliver a report, formal and without any feelings, as if he isn't talking about his own body that's going to fail him in the near future. He can deal with all that, with the cancer and the necessary treatments, it's the fact that he won't ever drift with Herc again that hurts the most. It's another blow he still has to deliver.

"You probably heard that Tam blacked out in the Pod?" Stacker makes it sound like a question although it isn't one. He's sure Herc knows what happened. "I piloted Coyote solo afterwards. It was almost three hours, they told me - I lost any sense of time. It caused damage too. The doctors said that I can never enter a drift again because the toll will be too much."

It visibly hits Herc. He looks stricken, he knows what that means. They can never drift together again, and it seems like a most cruel punishment. Drifting means so much for a perfect match, it's something neither of them can imagine to live without ever since they first shared their minds. 

Herc pulls himself together with the same determined strength that Stacker has always admired in him. "We'll make do, Stacks. The most important thing is that you're alive."

Stacker can only nod, his throat closes up at those words, because he knows that Herc means it. He won't give up on Stacker, and never will. 

*** 

It's only when the call is over, the connection cut and the silence of the room is wrapping around him, that Herc allows a single tear to run down his cheek. Then he wipes it away, takes a deep breath and straightens. 

He has a plan. Time to set it in motion.


	8. Forced Holiday Trip (Stacker/Herc, Herc & Tamsin)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Herc learns about Tamsin and Stacker having cancer, he takes matters in his own hands. Meaning he drags them on a road trip across Australia. Change of scenery and all that.

_Jaeger Academy, Kodiak Island, Alaska, May 17th, 2016_

 

Herc wastes no time. A minute after he gets off the phone with Stacker, he's already making the next call. First he gets Command on the line and explains his plan. When he gets the green light, he contacts the med bay of the Hong Kong Shatterdome to make the necessary arrangements. Next is the PPDC's transport centre to get on the next flight out, and it's just his luck that there is a chopper leaving for Seattle later that evening. From there he will catch a transport plane that will bring him to the Hong Kong Shatterdome which has its own runway. He also arranges for a flight for three from Hong Kong to Adelaide. The last call is to a camper van rental agency. 

Once he's completed all his calls, Herc chases down Scott and asks him if he can take care of Chuck for the next month. Scott is understandably surprised, but when Herc tells him what happened he agrees without a moment's hesitation. The last thing Herc does before leaving is to find Chuck who's with Maggie in the Jaeger bay - where else would he be? - and explains him the situation as honestly as he can. Chuck doesn't like it, but then he doesn't like much of what Herc does anymore. Sometimes Herc wonders if it's really all down to teenage rebellion.

Herc's on his way to Hong Kong only two hours after he ended the call with Stacker. He gets to Seattle shortly after midnight and only has to wait for an hour for the transport plane to leave. It's a long flight to Hong Kong, almost fifteen hours, so Herc forces himself to relax and sleep as much as he can, well aware of the long day that awaits him. It's 7 am when they finally touch down on the runway of the Hong Kong Shatterdome. By then Herc has been on the road for almost twenty hours and he feels it in his bones. He's more than happy to get off the not very comfortable transport plane, thanking the pilots on his way out for taking him along.

Herc slings his duffel bag over his shoulder and makes his way into the tall structure of the Shatterdome. He knows where Stacker's and Tamsin's quarters are, it's not the first time he's come to Hong Kong. It takes him about ten minutes to walk across the huge building to the wing housing the living accommodation of the Shatterdome personnel. He straightens and takes a deep breath before he raises his hand and knocks on the heavy metal door. 

It's Tamsin who opens, but Herc can see Stacker standing behind her in the middle of the room. They're both dressed and ready, no matter that they're officially retired from combat duty. Herc hasn't expected any less.

"Hey Tamsin." He says with a smirk on his lips when she just stares at him, looking stunned.

"Herc?" Stacker comes to the door as soon as he hears Herc's voice, and frowns in surprise. "How did you... what are you doing here?"

Herc just smirks. He's still standing in the doorway because both Tamsin and Stacker are still too dumbfounded to remember their manners and ask him in. It feels like a little success already."You two are coming with me."

"We're what?" Tamsin asks at the same time that Stacker replies, "We can't just leave-"

"Yes, you can." Herc tells them firmly and holds out the papers he got from Command. "As of now, you are both officially on leave for a month."

"On leave?" Tamsin looks confused while scanning the document.

"Yep. And I have strict orders to make sure that you get it. So go pack light, we're heading to Adelaide."

"What?" Stacker's frown has actually deepened. He doesn't like being out of the loop, out of control, but Herc knows it's necessary this time.

"Just trust me, okay?" Herc holds his gaze, willing him to see that he means it. 

After a moment of silence Stacker nods. "All right."

It's then that Tamsin seems to remember that they're still standing on the doorstep, and she opens the door fully, invites Herc in and gives him a hug. "Come in, Herc. Sorry for the rude welcome, you just totally surprised us. It's really nice that you came."

Herc returns her embrace and chuckles. "I'm well aware that you weren't expecting me."

"You could say that." Tam says when she pulls back. Herc is profoundly relieved to see a real smile on her face. "So, will you tell us what all this is about?" 

"It's a surprise." He replies with a grin. "I don't want to spoil it. The only thing I can tell you is that a transport plane leaves for Adelaide at 8.30 am, and we have three seats reserved on board."

"You're a tease, Hercules Hansen." She replies, but there's a smile tugging on her lips. It's balm for Herc's soul because he knows how the events of the past few days have dragged her down. He was shocked to see her on video, her eyes without their usual spark, her face closed off and her body language speaking of fear, pain, worry. She wasn't the Tamsin he'd grown to love like a sister over the past year, and he knew he had to do _something_. Seeing Stacker last night, looking equally drained as Tamsin, had been the final straw. Herc knows he would have pulled off his plan without Command's approval if they hadn't given it, because he's sure he'd lose both Stacker and Tamsin otherwise. It's something he won't allow to happen.

"You arranged all that after our video call?" Stacker asks and slowly comes closer. Herc still feels the intense need to wrap his arms around Stacker, to bury his nose against his neck and take a deep breath to reassure himself that Stacker is still there, but he knows him too well to approach him. Stacker has to come to him, on his own terms and in his own time.

"Yep. I cleared it with Command. One month, and they don't want to see your faces back in a Shatterdome before that period is over." Herc replies and points at the papers Tamsin is still holding in her hand. "They provided transport for us to Aidelaide, then we're on our own."

Stacker raises one eyebrow, seemingly getting used to the idea he's about to leave on a trip that he doesn't even know the destination of. "What have you planned?"

Herc smiles. "You'll find out when we get there."

Stacker chuckles and suddenly the tension in his shoulders eases. "Tam's right, you're a tease."

"I do my best." Herc replies with a smirk born out of relief. First hurdle cleared.

Stacker comes close and wraps his arms around Herc to pull him into a long, heartfelt embrace. "I don't think I welcomed you properly after you travelled halfway around the world to kidnap us." 

"Hello to you too." Herc closes his eyes and buries his nose against Stacker's neck, just like he has wanted to do ever since their video call, and takes a deep breath. He picks up Stacker's scent that he loves so much, and it eases something in his chest that had been tied in a tight knot ever since he received Tamsin's call after Onibaba. 

"You two are so cute." Tamsin interrupts with a smile on her face that's only halfway teasing. "But shouldn't we pack and get ready to catch our plane?"

"We definitely should." Herc replies after a quick glance at his watch. They have fifty minutes left until take-off. He reluctantly pulls back from Stacker, reminding himself that he'll have an entire month to cuddle him, and straightens. "Meet me in hangar 46 C in half an hour. That should give you time to pack, and I still have some errands to run."

"All right, we'll see you there." Stacker says with a nod, his hands trailing over Herc's sides in a fleeting caress before he lets go. Herc smiles at him, then he leaves the quarters.

First he delivers the paperwork for Stacker's and Tamsin's leave to the Shatterdome's Marshal and then he goes to the medical bay where he has arranged for a meeting with Doctor Huan who oversees the treatment of Stacker and Tamsin. He receives two small boxes sporting a red cross right below the PPDC logo and when he checks them, he finds everything he talked about with Doctor Huan, and even a printed page with instructions. Everything necessary to take two cancer patients in treatment on a four week road trip. 

Herc arrives at the hangar ten minutes early and discusses the transport with the plane's captain, providing him with the necessary paperwork, all signed and cleared by Command. Stacker and Tamsin show up with five minutes to spare. They greet the crew - Herc notices that they seem to know the pilot - and store their duffel bags, then they strap into their seats. They don't ask Herc again what he has planned, but he can feel their curiosity and it makes him smile. Curiosity is a huge improvement over the defeat he felt coming from Stacker and Tamsin during their video calls.

The flight takes almost nine hours and is entirely uneventful. They spend it talking about meaningless things, reading and sleeping. Herc makes use of the opportunity to give each Stacker and Tamsin one of the two boxes he collected from the medical bay and explains that they're the medical supply for their cancer treatment for the next month. Stacker lets him know that he also checked with Dr. Huan and was told that everything had already been given to Herc, as ordered by Command. Herc just shrugs and admits that it was part of planning the trip. When they reach Adelaide it's almost eight o'clock in the evening and Herc calls a taxi to bring them to the tiny hotel he knows from a trip with Angela. He has arranged for a double room and a single, and Tamsin grabs the keys for the single room out of his hand as soon as they enter the elevator.

"I intend to get some sleep tonight, while I'm sure the two of you don't." She remarks with a huge ambiguous grin. "It's been, what, a month since you saw each other?"

"One and a half." Stacker corrects automatically, and it makes Herc smirk. Good to know he's not the only one counting the days.

"All the more reason for me to claim the single room." Tam says with a chuckle when they approach their rooms. She puts the key in the lock and opens her door before turning back to them with a wink. "Have a good night, boys."

Herc can't help laughing. "We'll see you tomorrow morning. Eight okay?"

She nods. "That's sleeping in for me. Perfect."

"Night Tam." There's a smirk on Stacker's face. "I hope we're not too loud."

"To much information, Stacks." Tamsin chides before closing the door behind her. They can still hear her laugh quietly.

"She's got a naughty mind." Herc murmurs while unlocking the door to the double room.

"I fear she doesn't just have a naughty mind but was also supplied with pretty accurate information through the drift." Stacker sighs, but there's amusement in his voice. He puts his duffel down next to the bed and turns to Herc.

"So much for your mental shields." Herc says with a smirk tugging on his lips. He feels Stacks lift the last inner shield he always seems to keep in place, and then Herc is flooded with his emotions - there's disappointment, anger, fear, worry, uncertainty, desperation. Stacker is lost, doesn't know what to do, where to go from here. He's not sure he still has a purpose, a role in this war to defend humankind. Herc figures it's his job to show Stacker over the next few weeks what he's fighting for, and that there are other way to defeat the Kaiju than in a Jaeger's Conn-Pod. But for now Stacker needs touch, reassurance, a way to feel that he's still alive, that there's something worth living for. Herc needs it just as much.

"Come here." Herc pulls Stacker into his arms, raises his head - gosh, he loves that he has to do that - and cups his jaw to pull him into a deep kiss. Stacker opens his lips to Herc's tongue at the first touch, leans in to his embrace, pulls him as close as physically possible. Herc feels how the tension in Stacker eases with every moment they're touching, and it tells him that he did the right thing by coming here, consequences be damned. 

"Missed you." Herc hears Stacker grumble against his lips, almost lost in their kiss, and it makes a shiver run down his spine. Stacker is not usually one to say such things, he is more likely to let Herc feel them during the drift.

The drift. They will never be able to engage in it again. He feels Stacker's answering sadness over the ghost drift that Herc hopes will always linger between them, and he can't help it, he claws his hands into Stacker's shirt and bites his neck, once, twice, sucks on the skin. If the drift can't be their bond in the future, then Herc needs to create another kind of connection between them, right now, even if it's just the temporary bruise of a bite mark. Stacker bares his throat, offers his skin to Herc's teeth, and his hands dig into Herc's sides with their firm grip. 

They're quiet, no sound escapes them, but there's desperation in their touches, in their kisses, in every single look. The fact that they can never drift together again hangs like an unspoken sword over their heads. It's something that never even occurred to them before, that one day they might lose that connection forever. 

Stacker's hands make short work of Herc's clothes, pushing off his henley and his jeans without a fuss. Herc is all for it and busies himself with Stacker's shirt and pants, needing them gone, all physical barriers between their skin need to be removed. He wants skin on skin, the feeling of Stacker's warmth against his body.

Stacker picks up on his thoughts over the ghost drift and his eyes darken. He pushes Herc down on the bed and he goes willingly. Stacker's above him only a second later, both of them naked apart from their dog tags that rattle quietly, a sound they're so used to that they don't even notice it anymore. Herc pulls him down on top of him, relishing in Stacker's superior weight pressing him into the mattress, and wraps his legs around his waist. He wants Stacker inside him, needs to feel that connection enhanced by their ghost drift, and he wants it _now_. 

Herc reaches blindly for his jeans that lie halfway on the bed and halfway on the floor, quickly finding the little package of lube he put in the back pocket at the end of their flight. Somehow he'd been sure that he wouldn't have the time to get to it out of his duffel once they reached the hotel room. They decided pretty early on to go without condom. They're both clean, and they both know there will never be another partner again. It's one of those things you can be absolutely certain about when you're a perfect match in a drift. There are no secrets.

Herc isn't up for long foreplay, he wants to feel Stacker inside him, so he presses the pack in Stacker's hand and catches his gaze. "Make it quick. Want you _now_." 

Stacker nods, obviously unable to form words, and rips the pack open. He understands, knows what Herc wants, feels is over the drift hangover. His fingers find Herc's hole and prepare him with practised ease, quick and efficient where they're usually playful and teasing. This is not the time for slow and romantic, it's not what they need, what they crave tonight, but Stacker is no less thorough than he always is. 

Herc hasn't expect anything else, but tonight it drives him crazy. As soon as he feels he's ready, Herc bites Stacker's bottom lip and growls, " _Now_ , Stacks."

There's a low groan coming from deep inside Stacker's chest, then he's devouring Herc's mouth while he's placing his erection at his hole and pushes in, faster that he usually would, but still careful not to hurt him. Herc throws his head back into the soft pillows and doesn't bother to keep his moan of pleasure down. Stacker kisses him again, if it's because he feels the need to or to keep him quiet, Herc can't tell. He doesn't care, either, to be honest. The only thing that matters is Stacker, hard and hot inside him, and Stacker's tongue in his mouth. 

Herc urges Stacker to start moving because he wants it, needs it, and then Stacker pulls out and slides back in with the perfect angle. He hits Herc's prostate and has him see stars, his hips slamming back against Stacker's to take him even deeper. Stacker's thrusts are hard and powerful, and Herc presses back into each one, craving to feel Stacker as deep as possible. It's as if Stacker needs this to reaffirm that he's still alive, but Herc is not sure whether it's for himself or for Herc. Maybe a bit of both. 

It doesn't take long for Herc to get close, and he feels Stacker's ecstasy over the ghost drift, pushing his own arousal even higher. Herc arches his back, presses into Stacker's thrusts even harder and he can't help panting when Stacker's hand wraps around his dick, his pleasure increasing to the point of climax with immense speed. Stacker's right there with him when he tips over the edge, when that last stimulation of his prostate makes him come so hard that he feels his pleasure melt with Stacker's over their bond, exploding in pure white that makes him black out for a moment or two.

Herc is panting, Stacker's weight on top of him where he sagged down, for once resting with his _entire_ weight on Herc, something he usually never does. Herc loves the feeling of it, it grounds him, makes him feel alive. He's slowly calming down, the satisfaction bone-deep and filling him in mind and body. He presses a lingering kiss to Stacker's temple, then reaches for the boxer briefs he can see out of the corner of his eye and uses them to clean up their mess. Stacker rolls off of him only to wrap himself around Herc, engulfing him with arms and legs, entangled wherever it's possible. Herc cuddles against him, his eyes closed and a content smile on his face. He feels like he's finally home again.

Herc wakes up from the rays of sunlight caressing his face. It's something he hasn't experienced in a long time and it makes him smile contently. Stacker's arms are wrapped around Herc's waist, one large hand resting possessively on the hipbone that perfectly fits into the palm. Herc stretches with a content groan, flexing his muscles and popping his joints. He slept better than he has in months. The journey to Hong Kong and immediately afterwards the trip to Adelaide had left him bone-tired, then came the rough little reunion ceremony with Stacker and Herc had been so exhausted that his body had just switched off to recharge. It had helped a lot to feel Stacker's warm body in his back and his reassuring presence in his mind. Now Herc feels pleasantly sore in places where he hasn't been sore in a long time, and he likes the feeling a lot.

He turns round in Stacker's arms and presses a little kiss to his nose. "Time to wake up, sleepyhead. We have an exciting day ahead of us."

Stacker opens his eyes slowly and looks more awake than he has any right to. It's a side effect of years in the military, Herc knows. He too can snap from deep sleep to full alert within the fraction of a second. "Breakfast?"

Herc chuckles and kisses his nose again before getting up. "A very good breakfast. I promise."

He takes Stacker and Tamsin on a little walk to the Adelaide Arcade where a tiny café with wrought iron chairs is his destination. They serve fantastic coffee and very tasty sandwiches, the perfect way to start the day. Tamsin opts for the fresh pancakes and indulges in a huge mochaccino, licking the foam off her upper lip with an utterly pleased smile. 

"I haven't had one of those in years. God, this is so sinfully delicious." she says with a happy sigh and takes another sip. Herc can't help smiling, it feels like he has already succeeded in returning the will to live in both of his companions. Angela always said that it's the little things that make you happy, and right now Herc can't thank her enough for that advice. He'd never expected that a change in scenery and a mochaccino could do so much good.

After breakfast Herc takes Stacker and Tamsin on a walk through the Botanic gardens, then they collect their bags from the hotel and check out. Herc drags them on the free city connector bus and only a few minutes later they arrive at the car rental agency which he called from Kodiak Island. It's half past ten when they get there, and Herc disappears into the office to get the keys. It doesn't take long to find the vehicle on the parking lot. Herc quickly checks the license plate and then he presses the key's lock. The indicator lights up dutifully, confirming that he found the right vehicle. 

"So, this will be our home for the next month." Herc says with a grin and points at the white SUV standing in front of them. It doesn't look like it can actually fit all three of them, but Herc knows better. It's not his first camping trip with this kind of car. Stacker and Tamsin however just stare. They can't seem to quite believe their eyes.

"Tell me you're kidding." Tamsin sounds wary. "I mean, really, how do you want to fit three adults of our height in that... that _car_. It's not even a campervan."

"Oh, it is. It folds out nicely." Herc smirks. It's an off-road vehicle, which explains the limitation in size, but Herc knows that the four-wheel drive will be more important during their tour than having a lot of space. They will spend most of the time outside anyway. Australia is a great country to go camping. 

Tamsin gestures at the car, obviously still not entirely convinced. "So what's the plan?"

Herc shrugs and throws her the keys. Time to get her to bond with the car. "There is no plan, no fixed route. We can go wherever the road leads us."

Stacker watches him with an apprehensive gaze. "And what would be your suggestion?"

"Head north-east, general direction of Broken Hill, cross the outback to the Blue Mountains and pass by Sydney. Maybe go north towards Brisbane from there. But in the end we can decide each day again where we want to go."

A slow smile spreads over Tamsin face while she plays with the keys in her hand and Herc can see her natural glow slowly return. "That actually sounds nice. Live each day as it comes."

"Then let's just do that." Stacker smiles as well and walks towards the back of the car, carrying his and Tamsin's duffel bag. 

"You drive." Herc says to Tamsin from where he's stuffing their duffel bags in the back of the SUV. "We have enough road to share in the next weeks."

"All right, gents, let's get started on our Epic Road Trip through Australia." It's obvious from her intonation that she's mentally capitalising the words. She walks to the driver's side and hops in, efficiently adapting the seat and mirrors and then waits for Herc and Stacker to climb in. It's a three people driver cabin, and Herc takes the middle seat, enjoying the fact that he can sit very close to Stacker without needing a reason to. 

Herc watches Tamsin pass her hands over the steering wheel, over the gearstick and the dash board before turning the key in the ignition. It's something he has observed on many pilots - they touch their machine as if they're familiarising with it, literally getting a feel for it. It's a good sign, because it means she's into this trip, never mind that she still had massive doubts about it only five minutes ago. 

Second hurdle cleared.

Before leaving the city they head to the next supermarket to stock up on food, and more importantly, several ten litre canisters of water. You can never have too much water in the outback, Herc explains with a serious expression on his face. Once everything is stored in the small fridge and the cabinets, Tamsin drives them out of Adelaide and up north-east. 

They collectively decide to avoid the big cities. It's not what they're here for. Both Tamsin and Stacker have been to Australia before, but they never had the chance - or the time - to actually _leave_ the cities. They spend the journey north talking about the places they could go to, about the things they'd like to do or see, and Stacker and Herc study the map while Tam keeps driving. It's oddly comfortable in a way Herc remembers from trips with his family back when he was a boy, and it feels relaxing and somehow liberating. 

It's half past one when Tamsin spots a diner by the road and decides that it's time for lunch. They take the map inside with them and ponder over it until the waitress brings their food. By then they have decided to drive to Burra and spend the night on the local campsite where there are powered caravan sites, then they'll see in the morning if they head on or stay another day. They arrive early in the afternoon, book a site and park the SUV, then they walk through the rather small town and spend the rest of the day with exploring the surroundings. 

They're back at the campsite early in the evening to occupy the barbie and make dinner. There's an older couple using the one next to them and they get into a relaxed conversation over dinner preparations. Herc can feel the stress and the tension leave both Stacker and Tamsin the longer they're away from Hong Kong, away from any reminders of their current situation, from the Kaiju-damaged world they've lived in for the past few years. It reassures him that it was a good idea to get those two out of their familiar surroundings and drag them here to Australia, to a place that holds no memories for them, neither bad nor good, where they're free to experience something new, something to take their mind off things.

They eat by the car, folding out the kitchen and the awning that covers the side and rear of the SUV, and they set the camping chairs around the little table. It's a very tasty dinner - Herc prides himself on being a master when it come to the barbie - and they enjoy the quiet evening sitting under the stars. It's nine o'clock when they decide it's time to convert the interior of their SUV for the night, and Herc and Tamsin check out the back of the car to figure out what they're required to do. It's pretty easy and it only takes them a few minutes to put the boards in place that build the top bed and convert the table into the bottom bed. 

"I take the top bunk." Tam declares and throws a pillow and a sleeping bag on the mattress.

"It's for two, Tam, so that would mean us." Herc remarks and gestures at himself and Stacker, who's currently doing the dishes in the fold-out kitchen.

"I don't think so." She points at the little sign on the rack for the top bunk. "It says here that it's a maximum of 200 kilos. I think the two of you together might cut it a bit close, don't you think?"

Herc sighs, admitting defeat. He really doesn't want to explain to the rental agency how they managed to break the top bunk. "It might get close, yeah."

"So either one of you shares the top bunk with me, or you two cuddle up on that couch-bed thingy there." She points at the bench that they folded out into a bed, mounted on one side of the car. "Not to mention that the top bed is a few centimetres too short for both you and Stacks. But it's long enough for _me_."

Herc eyes the lower bed warily. "It's a bit narrow."

Tamsin just chuckles, not bothering at all to hide the ambiguous grin. "I'm sure you'll manage."

Herc glares at her, but there's a smirk tugging on his lips. "You're enjoying this, aren't you?"

"Of course I am. I'm getting the huge top bunk all to myself and you can't say a thing against it." Her grin widens. "And I can make you two idiots happy in the process by forcing you to cuddle every single night for the next month."

"Hmm, that sounds rather nice." Herc eyes Stacker who's just drying the last dishes, then he begins to spread the pillows and sleeping bags on the bottom bunk.

"I knew you'd see reason." Tamsin doesn't hide her triumphant grin when she climbs into the top bunk to put the sheet over the mattress. It demands a bit of contortion, she has to step on the tiny bit of the counter left next to the sink, then crawl into the rather low space left between the boards and the ceiling and roll around to get her long legs up. Herc stops working to watch her and laughs. If he and Stacker tried to do that, it would end in a disaster.

"I think you're better off with the top bunk, Tam. It's all yours." Stacker says when he joins them. He's done with his kitchen duty and now stands at the rear of the car and smirks at both of them. It's obvious that he overheard their little dispute.

"Thank you, Ranger Pentecost." Tam makes her voice sound very official, but the effect is ruined by the indignant position she's in, flat on her stomach inbetween the pillow and the sleeping bag, cramped into the low space of the top bunk. 

"You're welcome, Ranger Sevier." Stacker chuckles, and Herc feels his heart beat faster at the sound. He hadn't expected Stacks to relax and embrace this little adventure so quickly, especially considering that he's basically been forced into it. 

"I'll go brush my teeth." Herc grabs his little fold-out toilet bag and walks around to the side of the SUV where the kitchen is folded still out. They take turns to wash and brush their teeth - not enough space for all three of them - and Stacker is the first to climb into bed while Herc is folding away the kitchen and Tam has headed for the toilets. When she comes back she climbs into her top bunk with enviable ease - Herc knows he wouldn't look half as graceful as her trying to fold his bulk into such cramped quarters - and Herc is left to lock up the car.

He has to crawl over Stacker to get on the bed because there's absolutely no space beside it, and he hits his head in the process. He hears Tamsin chuckle. "Good night, boys. Be good down there."

Herc snorts and slips underneath the sleeping bags that they decided to open up and use as a blanket. As if there was any space to get busy. Stacker presses back against the side of the car to make more room, but it's still a remarkably tight fit. 

"Night, Tam." Herc replies once he manages to lie down and Stacker murmurs the same a moment later, busy trying to fit his bulk into the narrow bed next to Herc. It takes a bit of shuffling and arranging their long limbs, but then Stacker curls around Herc just like he did the night before and it's perfect. His legs are intertwined with Herc's, his arms wrapped around his waist, and his nose rests in the soft hair on Herc's neck. Herc falls asleep with a smile on his lips and the feeling of Stacker's warm, even breath on his skin.

It only takes a day and they fall into an easy routine, quickly getting used to the spacial limitations and how to avoid them best. Three adults of their heights require a bit of manoeuvring - two of them moving around in the back of the SUV at the same time is the absolute maximum it can take, they discover quickly - and soon it comes as naturally as breathing. They get up with the first light and go to sleep not long after dinner, and the easy rhythm of it calms their bodies and soothes their minds. 

Peterborough, Silverton, Broken Hill. One day flows into the next, a mixture of driving, visiting places and going for hikes. Herc watches Stacker and Tamsin fall in love with the vastness and the subtle beauty of the outback. He can't help smiling, remembering the exact same feeling when he was a boy and his parents took him here for the first time. His mom had grown up in Broken Hill and loved the outback passionately, and she'd taught Herc and Scott everything she knew. She was a nature girl, so she knew a lot. Young Herc had absorbed it like a sponge.

They take a trip up to the Mutawintji National Park to spend three days there and that's when Stacker and Tamsin understand once and for all why Herc organised a four-wheel drive. On the way through the park they see several kangaroos and emus, and Tamsin can't help pointing out that a running emu looks like a feather duster with two legs and a broom for a head. She loves them. They follow the trails in the park for a two day long hike under Herc's specific guidance of how to bushwalk and how to camp in the Australian outback. Stacker and Tamsin prove to be excellent students and Herc understands a lot better why his mom loved sharing her passion for the outback. Chuck never really took to it, no matter how much Herc and Angela had tried. He was always more of an ocean person.

Wilcannia, Cobar, Narromine. There's a small town called Tottenham and when Tamsin spots it on the map, she insists that they spend a night there - home far far away from home, she says with a grin and tries to find a postcard once they get there. She finds the whole thing rather hilarious, especially because the similarities to hers and Stacker's Tottenham are minuscule. Herc buys a postcard too and sends it to Kodiak Island, addressed to Chuck. He has to think for a long time what to write on the back and is still sure it sucks when he puts it in the postbox. It's the thought that matters, Angela always said, and Herc hopes Chuck remembers that, too.

The landscape changes with the passing of time and turns from the red of the outback to the blue-green hues of the Blue Mountains. When they're in Oberon on the campsite, close to the Jenolan Caves that they plan to visit the next day, Herc has almost lost track of time and feels more relaxed and at peace with himself than he has in years. He can't help thinking of Chuck, though, and wonders if he would have enjoyed the trip. Herc decides that he has to do something like it with him at some point. He feels like he's losing Chuck with every day he grows older, and Angela would never forgive him if he doesn't try to prevent that.

It's dark already and the sounds of the forest fill the air like a subtle song. They had dinner and Stacker just left to use the campsite's showers while Herc and Tamsin sit in the camping chairs around the fold-out table, enjoying the mild evening. 

"You want a beer?" Herc asks when he gets up to get one for himself.

"Do we still have alcohol-free ones?" She leans back in her chair and eyes the fridge Herc has opened. Both she and Stacker can't drink due to their medication, so Herc convinced them to go for the non-alcoholic beer instead of giving up on it entirely. Now their fridge always holds a mix of real and fake beer, as Tamsin calls it with a smirk.

"Four." Herc reports back after a quick count and takes one out for her. He opens both bottles, hands her one and pulls his chair next to hers. "To relaxing evenings."

Tamsin smiles and clinks her bottle against his. "To friends." 

They drink in silence for a while, then Tamsin turns to look at him.

"You know, I think you saved us. Stacks and me." She says, her voice quiet and sincere. Then she stops, but Herc feels there's more. "We were at the lowest point possible when you came to Hong Kong. End of our careers, end of our fight against the Kaiju, terminal cancer and no hope of it getting any better." She snorts. "Well, that's generally the meaning of 'terminal'."

Tamsin leans back in the chair and smiles, staring up into the night sky. "And then you come blazing in and just rip us out of all of it. You drag us into a world that couldn't be more different from what we've been living in for the past few years. You know, this trip showed us - and I think I can safely speak for both of us - that there's still something worth living for. Not to give up."

"That was the plan." Herc admits honestly. "Well, at least I was hoping to achieve that. I wasn't sure I would be able to. You two looked so bad during our video calls..."

"We were in pretty bad shape." Tam agrees, then she catches his gaze. "I don't think we can ever repay you."

Herc just gently shakes his head. "There's nothing to repay, Tam."

She smiles softly. "I know. That's what makes it even more special. Thank you, Herc." 

He returns her smile and gently nudges her shoulder. "You're welcome."

"You're a good man, Herc Hansen. I'm glad to call you my friend." Her smile turns mischievous. Herc fears what will come next.

"And I'm glad Stacks got that stick out of his arse and finally nailed you." She can't stop laughing when an image from the drift hits her. "Quite literally." 

He bumps his shoulder into hers. "Hey!"

"Well, or you nailed him, I don't particularly mind." She shrugs, her grin wide and teasing. "I've seen it both. He's not as good at shielding as he thinks. Don't tell him I said that."

Herc smirks. "My lips are sealed."

"Good, because there he comes." Tam jerks her chin at the tall figure approaching them in the dark, a towel slung around the neck and wearing just shorts and a t-shirt. Stacker has slowly shed a good deal of his uptight dress code that he has upheld in public as long as Herc knows him. The Australian way of life seems to slowly rub off on him, though, and Herc likes how the tension left his shoulders, how he now wears a t-shirt and walks around with thongs on his feet instead of boots and seems completely comfortable with it. He's relaxing, and it's a good look on him. Herc is quite aware he's only doing it because he is utterly and completely at ease in Tamsin's and Herc's company and there is no image to uphold. It will change again once they get back to their regular lives in the PPDC, but Herc opts no to think about that just yet.

"Good shower?" Herc asks when Stacker gets to them. 

"Very good. The shower head was actually high enough for me to stand underneath it without hitting my head." Stacker bends down to press a quick kiss to the top of Herc's head on his way to the clothesline where they use to hang the wet towels. Herc's heart still jumps at those little sign of affection that Stacker would never have allowed in public before this trip. Over the past weeks he slowly began to offer a touch here and a quick peck there when it's just the three of them, and now he even does it out in the open on the campsites. 

It makes Herc feel god in a way he hasn't anticipated. Neither he nor Stacker are prone to public displays of affection, and they never talked about it because they were on the same page right from the beginning. It's not that they're hiding - there's no need to, the PPDC doesn't have discriminating policies and the world has bigger problems, so nobody actually cares - but it's their private life, and that's nobody's business. But here in the middle of nowhere, Australia, far far away from the PPDC and their duties and responsibilities as Rangers, it's easy to give in to those little impulses. Herc does it too, a hand on the small of Stacker's back when they're standing together, a good morning kiss, leaning into him when they share the bench in the car when Tam is driving. It feels just to incredibly good to be close to Stacker, and it feels even better to know that it's mutual.

"Do you have one for me to?" Stacker asks and points at the beers they're holding. 

"Sure. Three fakes are still in the fridge." Tamsin replies and Stacker gets himself one, then he pulls his camping chair closer and positions it opposite to theirs. 

He opens his bottle, then he raises it and looks at Herc and Tamsin. "What are we drinking to?"

"To friends." Tamsin replies immediately. 

Stacker looks at both of them and smiles. "To friends."


	9. The Stories underneath my Skin (Stacker/Herc)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Herc has several tattoos. Stacker has just one. They all tell stories.

_Australia, June 2016_

 

Herc gets his first tattoo when he's just turned eighteen. It's on his right upper arm, a sacred heart with a scroll underneath is bearing the word 'Freedom'. It's what he wants, the freedom to decide where he will go and what he will do in life. His parents don't like the new body art, but Herc doesn't care too much. He enlists in the Royal Australia Air Force soon afterwards and suddenly he's just one guy of many with ink under his skin.

He doesn't think much about his second tattoo. It's just natural to get it, and he never questions it. It's not big, just a row of numbers high on his left shoulder blade. He gets it a day after his marriage to Angela, because she's a constant in his life he never wants to forget. It's their wedding date. She sits with him at the tattoo parlour when the numbers are inked under his skin, a soft smile on her lips. 

He has the third tattoo done when he's twenty-three. It's the date of little Charlie's birth, small black numbers on his shoulder blade, right under the date of his wedding to Angela. It's a turning point for him, one of the most important days in his life. He will never forget the feelings that almost overwhelmed him when he held his son for the first time, a tiny wrinkled thing with incredibly soft ginger hair and capturing, curious blue eyes. Herc loves him so much that it almost chokes him, and it's Angela's hand on his arm and her warm smile that make him return to the real world. When he comes to the hospital the next day to bring her and Charlie home, the new tattoo is still sore under his t-shirt.

He gets his fourth tattoo when he joins the PPDC. Angela is dead and he feels like the hole in his chest will never be filled again. He needs a reminder of what he's fighting for, so the day before he leaves for Kodiak Island to train at the Jaeger Academy, he goes to the same parlour where he got all of his tattoos done, carrying a print-out of the logo of the Australian strike group he's been accepted into. It's a map of Australia with a compass overlaying it, its rays stretching out behind the continent like rays of sunlight, and underneath it is a scroll with the group's motto "Armed Forces Australia". The tattoo is on his right lower arm, big enough to be a distinguishing mark, just like he wants it.

Stacker gets his first and only tattoo when he's thirty-one, freshly diagnosed with terminal cancer and banned from a Jaeger Conn-Pod for the rest of his life - however long that might be. It's nothing fancy, it's just four letters in a strong, clearly legible Gothic font, reading 'Herc'.

It feels right. Herc is his equal, his most trusted friend, his partner for life, always a challenge and yet never a disappointment. He's Stacker's rock, and Stacker never quite realised it until he hit rock bottom. When that happened Herc never hesitated to fly over from Alaska and to drag Tamsin and Stacker out of their misery and on a road trip through Australia. And during these past few weeks Stacker found his centre again, the one he lost when he learned that he could never pilot again. Now that he had the opportunity to step back from the entire situation, he knows what his place can be if it's not in a Jaeger. There are other positions that he can fight the Kaiju in. No reason to give up.

And it's Herc who showed him, who gave him the opportunity to realise that his life isn't over yet, who believes in him and supports him without ever being obvious about it. He's the silent strength in Stacker's back. He's more important to Stacker than he can ever put in words. So Stacker goes out that afternoon, finds the tattoo parlour he remembers passing on their way into town, and gets the four letters that form Herc's name tattooed high on his left chest, right over his heart. 

He's never had a fancy for tattoos before and never gave them much thought. But right now, he feels that he is at a turning point in his life, and he has this incredibly strong urge to mark it. He doesn't even have to think about it, he just knows that Herc's name is the only thing he will ever allow to be inked under his skin. 

When he gets back to the campsite, Stacker has to admit that he is nervous. He's not usually the type for such grand gestures, but doing this, getting that name under his skin just feels so utterly right. He can't help waiting tensely for the evening, though, when he plans to take Herc into the shower with him and show him the result of today's trip to town. He greatly appreciates the fact that there are single shower cubicles that lock, and that there's only one other vehicle on the caravan park, a campervan carrying two young women that Tamsin already befriended yesterday. Nobody is going to be in the men's showers but them. 

Herc is all for sharing the shower when Stacker suggests it after dinner. They haven't had much opportunity to get intimate in the crowded quarters of the SUV, so Stacker doesn't need to supply any other incentive. Tam just smirks at them and tells them to take their time.

Herc is breathless when they undress in the shower stall and he catches sight of the tattoo on Stacker's chest. He stares for a long moment before he reaches out with his hand and his fingertips trail the scabbed over letters, slowly and reverently, his touch barely more than a whisper on Stacker's skin. It makes goosebumps spread all over his body. 

A second later Herc has pinned him to the wall and kisses him with such passion that it takes Stacker's breath away. Herc gets on his knees right there in the shower and sucks Stacker off until his legs turn into jelly and he comes with a groan that he struggles to keep quiet. Then Herc's hands find his hole, slick with shampoo, and he prepares Stacker quickly before he enters him in one swift thrust. Stacker presses back into him, he already feels loose and boneless, his mind still fuzzy from his orgasm, but he wants Herc to take him, mark him, right now, right here. He can't quite believe it when Herc manages to make him come a second time only a few minutes later when he feels Herc's warm come inside him.

That night they sleep with their t-shirts off, and Stacker feels Herc's hand caressing the new ink carefully. He smiles, feeling warm and comfortable and completely satisfied.

Herc gets his fifth tattoo the next day. He's thirty-six, has lost his wife almost two years ago, lives in a world that's threatened by monsters, and his partner has terminal cancer. And yet he knows that all that was necessary to bring him to this point, to this little tattoo parlour in a tiny town in the middle of nowhere, Australia, with the man by his side that he knows he will stay with for the rest of their lives, no matter how long - or short - that might be. It feels right, as if all the hardships were part of the way. Stacker stands right next to him when he tells the middle-aged shop owner what he wants under his skin. Only six letters in a clear Gothic font, 'Stacks', high on his chest, on the right side.

The guy just looks at them with a silent smile on his lips, obviously recognising Stacker from the day before, and goes to work. It's only later that evening, when they're standing together in a comfortable embrace in the shower cubicle, that Herc notices that their tattoos are at the exact same heigh, touching when they embrace.

A perfect match.


	10. A Step in the Right Direction (Stacker/Herc)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their road trip through Australia is slowly coming to an end. Stacker reaches some important decisions on the way.

_Noosa, Australia, June 13th 2016_

 

It's early afternoon when Stacker, Herc and Tamsin walk down the road to the beach. They're just coming back from a leisurely hike through the Noosa National Park and decided to check out the beach on their way back to the campsite. It's interesting how the people still love the ocean here. It seems as if nothing has happened, as if the attack on Sydney never really touched people's lives here in Noosa. They still live like they used to do before the Kaiju came, they still lie in the sun on the beach, still go swimming, surfing, kayaking. Tourists still come here to enjoy the sea. It's a place where you can forget that Kaiju exist.

Stacker wishes he could forget it as easily as those people do, but he knows he never will be able to. He and those closest to him bear to many scars, to many reminders of the impact the the Kaiju have on this world. But for today he's willing to push those memories back and enjoy the day, the beautiful weather and the stunning scenery. Their hike was fun and relaxing, the paths reasonably easy to walk and the lunch of homemade sandwiches and fruit was delicious. The ocean lies before them now, a shade of deep blue that was typical for postcards before K-day, and the wind is just strong enough to counteract the high temperature.

"Come on, let's hire some kayaks!" Tam points at the little stand on the beach where a variety of surfboards and kayaks are on display on a rack. Thirty dollars for two hours, a sign tells them, and Stacker follows Tam and Herc who're already making their way over to the young guy sitting behind a fold-out table under a sunshade. He's more than happy to rent them three kayaks and pulls the boats out of the rack for them. They leave their backpacks with the guy - but only after Tam and Herc put on a new layer of sunscreen - and drag the kayaks into the surf.

The water is warm and pleasant, but it still takes Stacker a moment to adjust to it. He has grown so used to the fact that the ocean isn't safe anymore, and often polluted with Kaiju Blue, that he's not entirely comfortable. He knows the feeling isn't justified here in Noosa where there never was a Kaiju attack - Sydney is over a thousand kilometres away - and he quashes his inner unrest, telling himself to enjoy the peaceful beauty of the place instead.

They paddle out along the shoreline, almost the same way they walked before high on the cliffs. The waves are gentle and after a while Stacker relaxes. He's behind Tamsin who's eager to round the cliff, and Herc paddles next to him with a smile on his face. There are other kayaks out here along with the odd stand up paddle surfer and quite a few regular surfers. The only sounds come from the waves hitting the shore and Stacker's own paddle in the water. Time passes quicker than he expected, and when Tamsin turns back and tells them that half of their time is over, Stacker has just begun to enjoy the whole thing. He was never a huge fan of water sports, mostly because he never lived anywhere where he could actually engage in them, and then came the Kaiju.

The way back to the beach seems to pass even faster than the way out. They drag the kayaks back to the rack and then Herc grins mischievously right before he tackles Stacker and pushes him all the way back into the surf. Stacker is too stunned to react until he feels the water up to his knees. Then he wakes from his surprise and turns the tables on Herc, wraps his arms around his waist and heaves him into the oncoming wave. Herc goes under water and comes up spluttering, a huge grin on his face. He attacks Stacker again, making use of the next wave to tackle him a second time.

Stacker can't help laughing and doesn't actually make an effort to avoid Herc. Instead he catches him, wraps his arm around his waist and pulls him underwater along with him. He can feel Herc's pleasure and playfulness over their ghost drift, like an echo of his own. They come back to the surface, laughing and trying to take a deep breath at the same time. Herc's hands are on Stacker's shoulders and he leans on him with his entire weight, trying to push him under again. Stacker is tall enough to be able to stand in the water, but he goes down willingly, only to grab Herc's wrists and drag him along. It's been years that he felt this carefree, and Stacker takes the most profound pleasure in it.

When they come out of the water, they're still laughing and soaking wet. Stacker has his arm wrapped around Herc's shoulder and he feels Herc's hand on his waist. There's a huge grin on Herc's face and he looks adorable and hot at the same time with his hair rumpled and dripping wet, his eyes alight with mirth and his strong upper body bare. Stacker's eyes search and find the small black tattoo on his chest, and he feels the pleasant twisting in his stomach again.

"Smile, boys!" Stacker hears Tamsin's voice and then turns just in time to see her snap a picture. 

She stills when her gaze falls on Herc's and Stacker's bared chest, and her eyebrows rise in surprise. Stacker knows what she's looking at. It's the first time she sees the tattoos, because it's the first time they show them. A smile comes to her lips and she looks at them with warmth in her eyes. "Nice artwork. Suits you two really well."

Stacker just nods, unable to find any words. He knows Tamsin understands the meaning of this. She knows him too well not to.

"Thanks, Tam." Herc returns her smile and his free hand comes up to trail a finger over the markings on Stacker's chest. It makes him shiver.

"Now let's get a group picture." Tamsin grins and stands next to Stacker. She holds the camera out with one hand and the three of them squeeze together to fit into the frame. "Say 'cheese'!"

They take a few more photos, then they return to the kayak rental to retrieve their backpacks and shoes. Stacker and Herc put on their tank tops while Tamsin heads straight for one of the sun decks installed at the beach promenade and puts her backpack down.

"I'm going to take a nice nap right here in the shade." Tamsin declares and lies back on the wooden sun deck with her head resting on her backpack. She pulls her sunglasses over her eyes and moves a little back and forth until she's comfortable. "You guys do whatever you want, but don't come back before I had at least an hour of sleep."

"Your wish is our command." Herc says with a chuckle. "We'll get you for dinner then."

"Do that." she mumbles and stretches comfortably, obviously intent on staying right there for the next hour or two. Her bright red hair stands out fiercely against the black of her backpack, and her bikini matches her hair colour perfectly. She has the lean and strong figure typical for a Ranger, and Stacker is reminded about that holiday he took with Luna and Tamsin right before they enlisted. The girls had shared one towel every time they were at the beach, utterly comfortable in each other's personal space, Tamsin's pale white skin against Luna's ebony one, the red and black of their hair on the same towel. They were beautiful together, strong and fierce and yet their deep connection was so obvious, the tenderness between them never hidden. Stacker had envied them back then, just a little bit, because he was sure he would never experience what they had.

Now when he looks at Herc who's walking next to him, his perfect match, his partner for life, wearing Stacker's name on his chest with pride and confidence, he is amazed to realise that he did find it. Stacker doesn't know what he did in his life to deserve Herc, but he sure won't question it. Even if the cancer should win over him before he has the time to really _live_ with Herc, he's grateful for every moment he can spend with him. 

"You want a smoothie, too?" Herc ask and points at the little café down the street, effectively pulling Stacker out of his musings. 

"Sure." Stacker replies and makes to follow him.

Herc stops him and points at an empty bench at the beach promenade. "You secure that bench over there for us, I will get us the smoothies."

"Yes sir." Stacker salutes with a smirk and Herc chuckles before he makes his way over to the café. Stacker walks to the bench and sits down, taking up enough space so that Herc can join him even if some other pedestrian should decided to sit down. Stacker does his best to look threatening enough that nobody gets the idea to actually do that. He wants Herc all to himself, without curious ears nearby.

He only has to wait a few minutes, then Herc is coming up to him with two large paper cups in his hands. He looks relaxed and happy, a smile on his face. He is barefoot, wearing only the still slightly wet boardshorts and the tank top that Stacker can't help noticing accentuates his strong build beautifully. His skin is tanned now, his freckles almost hidden, and Stacker can see the edge of a black line of his tattoo peeking out of the low collar. It makes a surge of possessiveness swell up in Stacker's chest, along with deep affection, contentedness and the urge to let his fingers trail over his mark on Herc's skin. He sees Herc's smile deepen, taking on a satisfied and at the same time teasing edge, and Stacker knows Herc felt his thoughts over the ghost drift.

Stacker can't put in words how relieved he is that the ghost drift between them hasn't faded although they haven't drifted in over two months. If their connection was to fade, it would have started to do so by now. But it hasn't, it's still as strong as it was when Stacker left with Tamsin to be stationed in the Hong Kong Shatterdome. He can admit to himself that he was worried, scared even, that it would slowly disappear. That he would be left without that special connection he shares with Herc. But it sings in the air right now, full of warmth, contentedness and gentle teasing. 

"Here. Kiwi, water melon, mango and orange." Herc says when he hands Stacker one of the smoothies and sits down next to him. Stacker takes a sip through the straw and enjoys the way the taste explodes in his mouth. He has always loved fruit.

"Thanks. That's delicious." Stacker takes another sip, then he leans over to Herc. "What do you have?"

Herc holds out his paper cup for Stacker to try. "Mango, papaya, passion fruit and pineapple."

It's totally different but just as good, and Stacker offers Herc his straw to try it too. It's comfortable and relaxed, and they lean back and slowly slurp their smoothies. They have five days left before they will return the car to a rental agency in Brisbane and then fly back to Hong Kong. Stacker has been thinking about many things in the past few weeks, and he has come to some decisions that concern not only his but also Herc's future. Now is a good moment to talk about it, Stacker decides and turns to look at Herc. "I've been thinking about something."

Herc just watches him attentively, and Stacker knows he won't interrupt him. Herc must have felt that there was something on Stacker's mind for quite a while, and he's willing to listen now that Stacker is ready to talk about it.

"Mako Mori. The girl we saved in Tokyo." Stacker stops for a moment, collecting his thoughts, giving them structure. "I know she is an orphan now. She lost both her parents in the attack." Her face is still so crystal clear in Stacker's memory, as if it's a photo he's looking at. She's one of the very few clear memories he has about that day in Tokyo.

Stacker stares out over the beach, gaze focussed on nothing at all, lost in the vastness of the ocean. The paper cup is cold in his fingers. He wonders if his idea is foolish, but it's been on his mind ever since he saw a newspaper article with her photo a day after the attack. 

"I want to adopt her." Stacker finally says, still looking at nothing at all. "I feel... some kind of kinship to her that I can't explain. I want to give her a life, you know. A future. She doesn't have much of one now, and she has survived too much to be screwed over by the circumstances now. I think she deserved better than to grow up as one of many in an overcrowded orphanage."

Herc gives him a smile, the little one, the lopsided, real one. "I think it's a great idea."

Stacker lets out a breath he wasn't aware he was holding in. It's a huge relief to hear Herc approve of his idea, and until now Stacker hadn't realised how much his support means.

"You know I'll help wherever I can. With advice, with the adoption process, with the suddenly being a father thing - whatever you need." Herc chuckles, and it sounds a bit strained. "If there's one thing I have in abundance, it's experience with a difficult, traumatised child. I may not have handled it too well, but at least I know now what to do and what _not_ to do."

Stacker leans into him and gently bumps their shoulders together. "Thank you, Herc."

He is quiet for a moment, then Stacker looks at Herc. "And for the record, I think you did the best you could. The situation was a mess, and you were just as screwed up by what happened as Chuck was - just that everybody, including him, expected you to be strong and go on as if you were unaffected. They never considered that you needed as much time to grieve and regroup as Chuck did. You just never got it." 

"You know me well." Herc chuckles, and there's a little sadness to it. Stacker knows the memories of Angela's death still hurt, and always will. He has seen her through Herc's eyes during their drifts, and he understands why Herc loved her so much and what it meant to lose her.

Stacker moves closer, just a little bit, so that their shoulders and legs touch. "I was in your head, remember?"

"Yeah, I distinctly remember." Herc grins. There's a wave of teasing imagery following over the ghost drift and Stacker fights a groan. God, how he misses it, being in the drift with Herc. The thought is immediately followed by the punch-in-the-gut feeling that comes with remembering that they will never be able to do it again.

Stacker swallows against the lump in his throat and stares at the almost empty smoothie in his hand. "I'm sorry." 

Herc leans into him, his voice telling Stacker that he picked up on the change in Stacker's mood. "What for?"

It takes Stacker a moment to reply. "That we can't drift anymore."

Herc's hand comes up to Stacker's face and forces him to look at him. There's a frown on Herc's face, not angry, more stunned, desperate. "You know you're not to blame for that. Tell me that you don't think that it is your fault."

Stacker wants to avert his gaze but forces himself to keep looking Herc in the eye. Of course he knows that it's not his fault, rationally, but in his gut he still feels like it is, because he's the one who can't drift anymore. Herc still can. 

Stacker wants it so much, to share his entire being with Herc again, become one entity, moving a creature as mighty as a Jaeger with the absolute sync only a perfect match can ever achieve. He wants to feel Herc in his mind, hear his voice in his head, show him memories he has never shared with anybody, wants to learn more about Herc, a little piece each time they engage in the neural handshake. Yet he knows that he _can't_ , because if he does, he risks his life, and Herc will never forgive him if he does that without a bloody good reason.

"Stacks." Herc is still holding his face with a hand on Stacker's jaw, and his thumb is brushing over the emerging stubble on his cheek. "Stacks. Look at me." 

He pauses just long enough to make sure he has Stacker's full attention.

"You're my perfect match, no matter if we can drift or not." Stacker is caught up in the raw honesty in Herc's blue eyes, in the gentle but firm tone of his voice. "You _always_ will be."

It takes Stacker's breath away, leaves him unable to speak. Of course he knows Herc doesn't fool around, knows he would never engage in a relationship he doesn't mean. Herc is the all-or-nothing type of man. Just like he was fiercely loyal and deeply in love with Angela - and always will be - he now holds the same feelings for Stacker - and always will, in good times and in bad. Stacker knows, he felt it in the drift, no matter that neither of them ever said it out loud. 

"We may not be able to drift anymore, but that doesn't change things between us." Herc takes Stacker's hand, presses its palm to his chest, right over the tattoo. "I got your mark knowing fully well what I was getting into. I knew about the cancer, I knew about the drift, I knew _you_. It was my decision, Stacks, and I won't ever regret it."

It's the most emotional thing Herc has ever said to him. They're both not the kind of people to talk about feelings, so he knows how important this is to Herc, how much it means to him that Stacker _understands_. For once Stacker doesn't care that they're in public, he just leans in and touches Herc's lips in a gentle kiss, willing it to say all the things he can't find the right words for. Herc seems startled for a moment, then he returns the kiss. It's slow and chaste, but Stacker feels how much it means to both of them.

Stacker pulls back slowly after a moment, touching his forehead to Herc before sitting up straight again. There's a soft smile on Herc's lips, and he leans back against the bench comfortably, his entire side touching Stacker's. They sit in silence for a minute or two before Herc nudges his shoulder. "Now, when are you planning to bring little Mako home?"


	11. Observation Skills (Stacker/Herc, Stacker & Mako)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mako is fourteen when she finds that picture of Sensei and Ranger Hansen.

_Anchorage Shatterdome, Alaska, March 2017_

 

Mako enters Sensei's study and goes to the shelf in the back, just as he had told her to. There are many books about engineering, physics, biology and Jaeger tech, and several boxes of different sizes. She looks for the big black one named 'Jaeger Blue Prints' that Sensei has told her to get. Somewhere in there will be the old, rejected Mark I blueprint that she's looking for for her engineering class. Sensei said that it's okay for her to use it as long as she just takes it for reference and doesn't copy it. Well, she would never do that. There's no fun in copying things if she can just as well think them up on her own. 

Once she finally spies the box, she sighs heavily. It's on the top shelf - of course it is - far beyond her reach. She looks around, scanning the study for something to climb on. Of course Sensei doesn't keep a stepladder around, he's so tall that he doesn't need one even for the highest shelves. Mako's gaze falls on a simple chair - she really doesn't want to use the swivelly desk chair, that seems a bit dangerous - and she carries it over to the shelf. It might not be enough, but she can't see anything else she could use. She steps on the seat and stands on her tiptoes. She puts her hand against a small box at the height of her shoulder to stretch just the little bit more to reach the blue print box. Just when she grabs hold of it, the small box shifts under her hand and falls down to the floor before Mako can do anything to prevent it. It spills its contents all over the concrete, little pieces of paper and something that sounds metallic. 

Mako just watches in horror. She didn't mean to do that! She slowly gets down from the chair, careful not to let the big blueprint box fall as well. She's in enough trouble as it is. Sensei is a very private man, he certainly doesn't like it when others go through his things. Mako quickly kneels down to gather the pieces of paper that lie all over the floor. They're picture. She knows some of them, Sensei showed them to her sometime after he took her in. There are medals as well, and some other small trinkets. Mako carefully puts them back in the small plastic container, still unsettled about the fact that she made it fall on the floor. 

It's Sensei's box of memories. Her mother used to have one, and sometimes she would show Mako the treasures she kept inside. Pictures, letters, little things. Mako loved it. She loved the stories her mother told her when she showed her the pieces, one story for each piece. That's why it's called a box of memories, her mother had explained, because those things may be worthless to others, but to you they're precious because they hold memories. Moments that only you and your loved ones know because you experienced them together. 

Mako takes care with every single piece she finds on the floor, even bends down to look underneath the shelf. There she can see another piece of paper, right at very back against the wall, and she reaches out with her hand to get it out. She turns it around once she holds it in her hand. It's a printed picture, old by the looks of it, the paper wrinkled and the print yellowing, some edges torn. But it's not the condition of the photo that catches her attention. It's the two smiling men it shows, Sensei and Ranger Hansen.

It's probably the only photo there is where Sensei isn't fully and impeccably dressed. Simply because they're at the beach, both of them wearing just boardshorts, their hair wet. Sensei's arm is wrapped around Ranger Hansen's shoulder and she can make out Ranger Hansen's hand on Sensei's waist. The white of Ranger Hansen's skin is a sharp contrast to the dark ebony of Sensei's, but what really picks her attention are the tattoos she can see on their bare chests. One high on Sensei's left chest, and a matching one on Ranger Hansen's right. They spell out each other's names, the short nicknames she has heard them use, in a clear but beautiful Gothic font.

Mako stares. She never knew Sensei has a tattoo. Never mind that it says 'Herc'.

It's their expressions that get to her the most, though. Sensei is full out laughing, and so is Ranger Hansen. She has never seen Sensei look like that, in the entire time she's known him. It's relaxed and carefree and full of joy. 

He's happy.

Mako can't help smiling back. She likes this picture a lot. 

She knows that only Tamsin-san could have taken that picture. There is nobody else - apart from Ranger Hansen, obviously - that Sensei is comfortable enough with to let his guard down like that. To smile like that.

Mako has an inkling when this picture was taken. There is only one occasion that she knows of that Sensei, Tamsin-san and Ranger Hansen were on a holiday together, and she only knows of it because Tamsin-san told her about it. Told her how great a time it had been, no matter the unpleasant conditions that brought it on. It had been right after her and Sensei had been diagnosed with cancer, and Tamsin-san had told Mako that it was Ranger Hansen who had dragged both of them to Australia the next day, no protest had dissuaded him. She remembered that he had just shown up in the morning, and he had organised her and Sensei's leave without them even knowing about it. They spent the next month travelling around Australia. The memories had made Tamsin-san smile fondly.

Mako looks at the picture again, at the way Sensei and Ranger Hansen are obviously comfortable around each other. Familiar. It feels good to know that there's somebody else who will take care of Sensei, Mako thinks, because he doesn't do it enough himself. She hesitates a moment, then she takes out her tablet and takes a picture of the photo. She feels slightly bad for it, as if she's stealing a memory, but she just can't put it back without keeping a copy of it. There is something magical about the simple joy captured in the picture, and she wants to keep it as a reminder.

When she turns the picture around to put it back in the box, she catches sight of Tamsin-san's familiar handwriting on the back. It says 'Our Epic Road Trip through Australia, June 2016', and there's a car sketched in black pen, a SUV of some kind with an overly high roof and three stick figures standing next to it. It's obvious that they're Sensei, Ranger Hansen and Tamsin-san, even with the few strokes used to depict them. Mako chuckles, she knows Tamsin-san drew this. She did a few sketches of the same style for Mako when they visited her in the hospital. 

Mako carefully returns the picture to Sensei's box of memories and puts the lid on it. Then she quickly sorts through the blue prints in the big black box and takes out the Mark I designs she came for before she returns both boxes to their respective spots on the shelf and leaves Sensei's study. Her tablet feels heavier in her hand than she knows it is. 

Over the next few days, Mako observes and learns. She's good at that, always has been. It's a skill she developed in her father's smithy in Tanegashima, where she received most of her lessons by watching silently. 

Now she watches Sensei and Ranger Hansen. And she learns more than she expected. First she notices how in sync they are - as if they always know what the other is thinking, doing, planning. They move together, they even seem to breathe in the same rhythm. She wonders if they ever piloted together, drifted together. It would certainly explain their synchronicity - Mako observed the same thing to a lower degree in Sensei's and Tamsin-san's interaction.

The next thing she picks up on is the way Sensei and Ranger Hansen communicate with gazes, much more than they do with words, especially when there are people around. They look at each other a lot, nothing obvious, just quick glances that seem to say everything they want the other to know. It's rather fascinating, and Mako can't help wishing that maybe some day she will find somebody she'll have that kind of connection with. 

Sensei and Ranger Hansen rarely touch, but they _do_ touch. It's inconspicuous little touches and Mako is sure nobody else notices them. But she does, because she's looking for it. There's the quick hand on the small of the back, the fingers grazing when they walk past each other and the way they always seem to stand just a fraction closer than appropriate. Of course Mako knows that Sensei and Ranger Hansen are close friends - he's the closest friend Sensei has, as far as she can tell. Ranger Hansen - he asked her several times to call him Herc, but she just can't - is often in their quarters with his son Chuck-kun, and sometimes Sensei and her go theirs. She is used to doing her homework in either quarters and so is Chuck-kun. Mako finds Chuck-kun difficult to deal with, he's so explosive. But he's intelligent and working with him on engineering problems is actually fun. 

Mako has to admit that she never thought that Sensei and Ranger Hansen might be a couple. Now she wonders how she could have overlooked the signs. They're so familiar and at ease with each other, especially once the work day is over and they're in the privacy of their quarters. Sensei relaxes around Ranger Hansen in a way he never does with anybody else. Really, the photo and the tattoos were just a push in the right direction, but ultimately she shouldn't have needed it. Sensei and Ranger Hansen don't try to hide their relationship, she notices now that she pays attention, they just don't advertise it either and both men aren't the type for public displays of affection. Their relationship seems so obvious to her now that she is slightly irritated that she missed it before. Maybe her observation skills aren't quite as good as she thought they are and need some more honing. She will make sure to take care of that.

That evening Mako takes out her tablet when she's in her room, wearing her pyjamas and ready to go to bed. She switches off the light and slips under the covers before she browses to the picture she took of the photo of Sensei and Ranger Hansen. It still makes her want to smile back. 

She likes this side of Sensei a lot, the laughing and relaxed man that he never seems to be here in the Shatterdome. She wants him to be happy like he was in that picture, and she is sure that Ranger Hansen plays a very important part in it. Mako likes Ranger Hansen, he's always nice to her and takes her seriously when she asks him something about piloting. She likes how he gently ruffles her hair when she says goodnight and he's still in the living room of their quarters. It's something he did since the very beginning when she came to live with Sensei, and it always made her feel at home. Her dad used to do the same thing when she was younger.

Mako stares at the picture and thinks about what her newfound knowledge means for her life. Since Ranger Hansen is Sensei's partner, it makes him family. And Chuck-kun too. Maybe she should try to connect with both of them a little more, they're her new family, after all. When she lost mother and father and found herself in the overcrowded Tokyo orphanage, Mako's world had collapsed. She had never expected to have a family again, especially after her relatives had refused to take her in because she was a girl and not a boy. It had been the darkest time of her life, and she still remembers the scratchy feeling of the blanket on her face when she had cried herself to sleep at night, trying to be quiet so that she wouldn't disturb the other children in the room. She had heard their muffled sniffing, too.

The day Sensei had come to ask her if she wanted to live with him had seemed like a dream. She remembered him from that horrible day, she remembered his face, his warm smile and his hand on her shoulder when he'd comforted her before the medics took her away to the hospital. When he came to the orphanage, he offered her a home, a new life, and now he even gives her a new family. She has lived with him for not even a year, but Mako knows she is very lucky to have him. She looks at the picture and gives into the urge to smile back before she switches the tablet off and lies down to go to sleep. 

For years afterwards the picture gets transferred to every tablet she owns, along with a picture of Sensei and her in the Lima Shatterdome, one of Tamsin-san and her on the beach in Hawaii, one of Chuck-kun and her next to Gipsy Danger's huge foot and a slightly blurry photo Ranger Hansen sent her from the Sydney Shatterdome with him and Chuck-kun in front of his Jaeger Lucky Seven. There's one photo she likes the most, though. It shows Sensei, Ranger Hansen, Chuck-kun and her in their quarters, and there's a lavishly decorated Christmas tree that tilts slightly to the left. They're all smiling, but Chuck-kun's smile is the biggest, and he's carefully holding a rumpled bulldog puppy in his arms. She considers this her family picture.

When she's older, Mako makes print-outs of all photos and keeps them in a little wooden box that Ranger Hansen gave her on her first Christmas with her new family. It's the beginning of her own box of memories.


	12. Knock Knock (Stacker/Herc, Hermann POV)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dr Hermann Gottlieb isn't somebody who walks into a room without knocking on the door first, but he learns that even that doesn't always help to prevent awkward situations.

_Hong Kong Shatterdome, December 24th 2022_

 

Hermann waits for the last page to come out of the printer, then he quickly looks through the papers to make sure everything is there. Once he's done, he puts them in the folder he has prepared for it and gets up, grabbing his cane from where it's leaning against his desk. 

One quick look across the lab shows Newton still working on that disgusting Kaiju lung he got this morning. He's bent over the dissection table, his glasses riding low on his nose and the headlamp switched on. He's up to his elbows _inside_ the organ, and he seems to find it not only interesting but utterly fascinating. His running commentary on what he's doing has been the background noise in the lab for the entire duration of the morning.

Hermann just shakes his head. He'll never understand how Newton can actually _like_ digging around in Kaiju remains. The man is crazy. 

"Newton." Hermann says it just loud enough to get his colleague's attention. "I'll go see the Marshal about the Breach estimations."

"Yeah, sure." Newton looks at him, but it feels like he's looking through Hermann. He's still caught up in his work and he's absent-mindedly waving his hand, which is holding something pinkish that Hermann doesn't even want to think about. "Have fun, man."

Hermann huffs out a breath and turns to leave the lab, the folder with his calculations and his reports in hand. The Marshall won't be too pleased with the outcome, but the numbers don't lie. And they tell him that things are getting worse. 

The way to the Marshal's office isn't that long, the locations of importance are housed in the same area of the Shatterdome. When Hermann gets there, he finds the door standing ajar. It's an unspoken invitation for people to come in and address issues, sort of unofficial open office hours, a tradition Pentecost introduced as soon as he became Marshal. 

Hermann still knocks on the heavy metal door before pushing it open, because he thinks that everything else would be highly impolite. To his total and absolute surprise he doesn't find the Marshal alone, sitting behind his desk, as it usually is the case when he leaves his door ajar. Instead, Hermann stares at Hercules Hansen who's staring right back, an equally surprised expression on his face. He's leaning with his entire body against the Marshal who in turn is leaning with his hip against his desk. They're holding hands, their fingers intertwined. It's quite clear that they were kissing right before Hermann came in. It must have been a pretty good kiss if they didn't even hear him knock on the door.

Hermann feels horrified. Terrified. Petrified. He can't move, just stares, his mouth hanging open in surprise and his eyes wide. Why does this have to happen to him? Why him? Why not Newton, who would just give a flippant comment and break the awkwardness of the situation within a heartbeat? But Hermann is not like that, he doesn't know what to say. He just stands there and stares at the Marshal and Ranger Hansen while his face does an impressive imitation of a fish on dry land. 

Pentecost and Hansen regain their composure before he does, and they move apart, but not hastily as if they're ashamed and have something to hide. Not that it would be of any use now, it's too late for that anyway. But Hermann gets the impression that that's not the reason, they never hid in the first place. Now that his brain slowly comes online again, Hermann can see it, clear as daylight. Of course the Marshal and Hansen are a couple, in fact, it's not surprising at all. He's just never given it a thought before... well, before _this_.

Hermann forces himself to avert his gaze, he really doesn't want to look at them right now. Anything is better than looking at them, so his gaze flickers through the Marshal's office in search of something neutral, something boring, something innocuous. He ends up looking at the desk, where a picture frame is standing, a simple but beautiful wooden piece, obviously handmade by a master of the craft. Hermann gets a glance of the picture it holds; it's a snapshot of Pentecost and Hansen wearing their drivesuits, Pentecost in black with Coyote Tango's logo on his arm, and Hansen in silver with Lucky Seven's logo on his chest. They're both smiling into the camera, their arms around each other, helmets in hand. Next to the frame lies discarded wrapping paper with little reindeer and Santas printed all over it, complete with a red bow. 

Ah, they were having their own little Christmas gift exchange. In private.

Almost private, that is. Hermann realises that they really must have just forgotten to close the door properly, and he wishes desperately that the ground would just open up and swallow him. How is he supposed to get out of this without embarrassing everybody in the room?

"Yes, Dr. Gottlieb?" Pentecost's voice is maybe a shade cooler that it usually is, and it takes Hermann a full second to regain his composure enough to reply. He feels the heat in his cheeks and desperately hopes that he doesn't look as flushed as he thinks he does. 

"Sir, I... ahm... I came to bring the estimation about the Breach development that you asked to receive as soon as I finished it." Hermann presses out and it takes a huge effort to actually look at the Marshal. "I knocked, and your door stood ajar as it usually does during office hours, so I just came in and..." 

"It's okay, Gottlieb." Ranger Hansen interrupts his rambling explanation and gives him a reassuring nod. Hermann is pretty sure that Hansen is trying to hide a smirk, but he doesn't intend to look close enough to find out. He just wants to get out of here as quickly as possible.

"Here are the reports, sir." Hermann says and holds out the folder he's been gripping so hard that there are dents in the cover. 

"Thank you, Dr Gottlieb." Pentecost gives a little nod when he takes the folder out of Hermann's hands, and he sounds a trace nicer than a minute ago. He obviously realised that it's not entirely Hermann's fault that they ended up in this highly embarrassing situation. If the door had been closed, if they'd heard his knock, if maybe he'd just knocked a bit louder, or if he'd arrived ten minutes earlier or later or if...

"Anything else, Dr. Gottlieb?" the Marshall asks when Herman just stands rooted in place and doesn't move at all.

"No!" Hermann shakes himself out of his musings, realises he almost shouted the reply and tries again. "No, sir. That's all."

For a moment Hermann feels lost, then he decides that this is the perfect opportunity to get out of the office, out of this entire horrible situation. He gives a short, almost harsh nod to both the Marshal and Ranger Hansen. "Sir."

As quickly as he can without looking like he's running, Hermann retreats. When he gets out of the door, Hermann catches the unmistakable sound of Hansen chuckling with obvious amusement. "Now that was awkward."

Hermann hears the Marshal actually snort, but Hermann pushes the door shut behind him before he can hear his answer. Oh yes, that has indeed been awkward. At least the next person to come to the Marshal's office will have to knock louder and hopefully will be spared an equally embarrassing situation.

Hermann hurries down the hallway as fast as his leg allows and decides that he will never ever tell Newton about this encounter. He wouldn't let Hermann live it down. 

Ever.


	13. Support (Herc/Stacker, Herc & Chuck, Herc & Scott)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After reporting Scott to the PPDC higher ups, effectively ending his career as well as condemning him to a life in prison, Herc calls Stacker who is halfway around the planet. He needs to hear his voice or he's going to lose it entirely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're jumping back in time a bit with this fic, to when Scott was discharged from the PPDC. I've had this fic sitting on my hard drive for three years, halfway done, and now it hit me how to finish it. I hope you like it and I wish you all a Happy New Year ^_^

_Hong Kong, September 21st 2019_

Herc nearly pukes into the Conn-Pod. 

They're in the middle of a Kaiju attack and Scott's side just took a massive hit, he's a bit dazed for a moment or two, and that's when Herc is hit with Scott's memory so hard, so unexpectedly that it knocks the breath out of him. It's a memory Herc has never seen before, and it's so intense and repulsive that Herc loses control over Lucky Seven for a moment or two while his stomach cramps in horrified disgust. It's enough for the Kaiju to land two more painful hits, one to Lucky Seven's midriff and one to Herc's side of the head. Right that second Herc is unable to care, he's too caught up in Scott's memory.

Scott likes young girls, _really young_ girls, and he's anything but gentle. He's cruel, he enjoys hurting them. He gets drunk on the power he has over them, he wallows in their pain and their fear, they excite him, turn him on. Herc sees way too young faces, scared eyes, tears, blond pigtails in a painfully hard grip and then he tries with all his might to block out what's following. He doesn't want to see, it's so horrifying and revolting, and he knows he won't ever be able to forget what he just saw, what he learned about his own brother. Herc is certain that if the memory had in any way included or even threatened Chuck, he would have killed Scott right here and now in the Jaeger Conn-Pod without a moment's hesitation, consequences be damned.

Instead he screams in something that is rage and disgust and shock and helplessness and so many more emotions that need to break out of him before he explodes, then he's hit with Lucky Seven's sensory input when the Kaiju's tail connects in a powerful blow with Lucky Seven's back. It forces his focus back on the situation at hand. Right now it doesn't matter what he wants to do to Scott, what Scott deserves for his actions. Right now the only thing that matters is that they're responsible for the lives of over ten million people in the city of Hong Kong, and those people don't deserve to die because of Scott.

Herc pulls himself together and makes an effort to even out the ripples in the drift in order to reinstate their fighting capability. He knows he can't pilot solo, he needs Scott to finish this mission, and one quick look at the controls tell him that Lucky Seven can't take many more hits before they'll be incapacitated. They need to get their act together and do their job, and they need to do it fast.

The memory is shielded again, hidden so completely that Herc would wonder whether it was real if it weren't for the images he can still see before his mind's eye, edged into his own memory until the day he dies. Yet Herc is certain that Scott knows he saw the memory. It's not like Herc is bothering to shield his reaction to it, after all. His urge to rip Scott out of the harness and make him pay for all the pain he caused is still so strong that Herc has to consciously concentrate on suppressing it.

"Herc..." Scott begins almost hesitantly, a trait that he'd rarely shown before in his life. He knows there will be consequences, Herc can gather that through the drift, and he fears them. He feels Herc's rage and doesn't know how to deal with it because until now, Herc always forgave him in the end. 

"Don't." Herc growls under his breath and sends a clear message through the drift that one more word from Scott will make his restraints snap. He feels Scott flinch back over the drift, then he catches himself and all emotions leave their drift and they concentrate on fighting back, on killing the Kaiju that's still hellbent on eradicating Hong Kong and whatever other city it can get to before being killed. Herc channels his aggression into their attack, allowing it to enter his connection to the Jaeger in a way he never did before, and it feels good to find a target for it since he can't attack Scott.

They defeat the Kaiju in the end, but it's a close call and the damage to Lucky Seven is extensive. They manoeuvre the Jaeger back to the Shatterdome and as soon at their harnesses are disengaged, before the door to the Conn-Pod has even opened, Herc is in Scott's face, teeth bared in an instinctive threat. He regrets that the drivesuit doesn't give him anywhere to really grab Scott and crush Scott into a wall because he really wants to do that right now. Instead he presses Scott back against the harness with his forearm against Scott's throat cutting off his air supply and rendering him immobile. Scott was never one to back down from a fight, but for once he's frozen in place.

"If you come anywhere near Chuck ever again, I will kill you, Scott." Herc is surprised how calm his voice sounds, it's the complete opposite to what he feels on the inside. "You will own up for what you did, and you will pay, and you will _never ever_ set foot in our lives again, is that understood?"

Scott frowns in a mixture of surprise and wariness and even a tinge of fear. He holds Herc's gaze for a long moment and then nods slowly, his lips pressed into a thin line. He's all serious for once and Herc can tell that he understands that Herc means it. He knows that Herc will not forgive this like he did with all the other crazy, reckless, inconsiderate and dangerous things Scott did since they were kids. This time a line was crossed, they're beyond the point of no return. 

"I will report this right now. You better remove your shit from our quarters before I get back, because you will never set foot in there again." Herc gives a shove that he knows squeezes painfully on Scott's wind pipe, then he lets go and steps back before he forgets himself. "Security will get you from the drivesuit room once you're out of the suit. You'd better be there when they come."

Herc doesn't follow it up with a threat, he can tell that Scott understands without him putting it in words. Herc is sure he never saw Scott afraid of anything, but right now there's fear somewhere deep in his eyes. It doesn't feel like a triumph that he's the one who put it there.

The door to the Conn-Pod hisses when the air pressure is released and a swarm of J-Techs enter in the usual hustle and bustle that follows combat. Herc takes another step back, eyes still fixed on Scott, then he turns around and stalks out of the Conn-Pod.

Herc doesn't even change out of his drivesuit before he knocks on Marshal Lai Ho's door. According to the clock he's inside for just forty minutes, but they feel like hours to Herc. He gives his report as free of emotion as he can, but he knows he doesn't quite manage. Ho picks up on it immediately, listening quietly and only asking questions to clarify things. After listening for a few minutes, she calls in the head of security who sends out four men to arrest Scott in the drive suit room. Then they get a sketch artist and Herc reluctantly relives the memory in as much detail as possible to describe situations and the girls he saw. He's horrified to realise that he can count at least seven little girls which he can describe closely enough to make it possible to find them. 

When he leaves the Marshal's office, he feels sick and exhausted to bone and yet he's still brimming with that helpless rage that overwhelmed him back in the Conn-Pod. He makes a point to avoid the hallways where he might come across the security leading Scott off to the holding cells because he's not sure what he'll do if he sees his face again. He's infinitely glad that Scott has long since finished getting his drivesuit removed when Herc gets to the drivesuit room where the techs are still waiting for him.

In the end he does puke, but only later when he's in the bathroom of the quarters that he doesn't share with Scott any longer. It doesn't stop until he retches dryly and his empty stomach contracts painfully. Herc forces himself off the floor, rinses his mouth and washes his face. He feels wrung out and exhausted and so utterly shocked and disgusted. He leans heavily on the wash basin for a long moment, then he reaches for the towel and dries his face before he leaves the bathroom.

Of course that is when Chuck bursts into their quarters. Herc needs just one look into his face to know that he already heard about Scott's arrest. No details probably, but enough to gather that it was on Herc's report, enough make up his mind and come to the conclusion that Herc is to blame. Herc wishes he'd be surprised that Chuck blames him, but he really isn't.

Chuck is clearly angry, it comes off him in waves even before he's opened his mouth. Herc tries to brace himself for the onslaught that he knows it coming, but Chuck's words still manage to find their target effortlessly. They always do.

"Why do you make everybody I love go away?" Chuck shouts, and the betrayal is clear on his face. "First mom and now uncle Scott! I hate you!"

That's all he yells before he turns on his heel and runs out of the quarters. He even manages to slam the heavy metal door on his way out which is quite a feat. His words hit Herc like a blow to the stomach and leave him breathless. Chuck is only sixteen, a hormonally imbalanced teenager, and on top of that he's angry. He doesn't understand what happened and he hurts over the loss of Scott. Of course it's Herc he lashes out at, he's always to blame for everything that is wrong with Chuck's life. It's what most teenagers at that age seem to think about their parents. 

Herc knows all that, but it doesn't ease the stabbing pain he feels at every word Chuck shouted at him. He closes his eyes and sags against the wall until his head rests against the cold concrete. How is he supposed to deal with that? He can't tell Chuck what Scott did, not that it would change a thing. Chuck wouldn't believe him, he's always preferred Scott to Herc. Of course he did. It's not Scott who left Angela to die. It's not Scott who had to be strict and keep Chuck in line. 

Herc tries to breathe through it, to calm down, to convince himself that Chuck didn't really mean what he said. It doesn't quite work. 

Finally he allows his legs to give and slides down the wall he's already leaning against. Herc fishes his phone out of his pocket and dials Stacker, not caring what time it is in Anchorage. He has to talk to him, he needs to hear his voice, he needs it to calm him down and give him focus. He feels so... troubled, angry, shaken, shocked, disgusted, disappointed, ashamed, confused, guilty... all together. How the hell could Scott do that? His baby brother? How could he have such a dark side without Herc ever noticing it? This is the guy he'd trusted with his son, for crying out loud! 

"Herc." Stacker's voice rumbles low over the phone, warm and welcoming, and Herc can tell right away that he woke him up. It's probably the middle of the night in Anchorage, which means that Stacker won't have heard about Scott yet.

"Stacks..." Herc doesn't know where to start. How do you tell something like this to a man who is the father of a little girl himself? Herc closes his eyes and forces the words out of his mouth, one after the other, the whole disgusting truth, and he can't keep his voice even. He seeks Stacker out over their ghost drift, trying to let him feel what Herc can't put in words. Their ghost drift is weaker now that they haven't seen each other in so long, now that the physical distance between them is so huge, but he needs the reassurance of Stacker's warmth now, he needs to feel him all around him, even if it's just in his mind.

"I just... I don't get it, Stacks." Herc croaks when he has laid out all the facts, staring at the wall opposite of him. "How didn't I pick up on it before? I drifted with Scott so many times! I should have seen it, or at least have an inkling! I could have prevented this! I could have saved those girls the pain and..."

"Don't go there, Herc." Stacker sounds hard. "Don't _ever_ blame yourself for what he did. He's responsible for his own actions, he's a grown man. It was neither your task nor your duty to prevent things you didn't even know about. You _never could have_ prevented them. Scott must be very good at shielding his thoughts, probably due to very long experience of hiding them. If he didn't want you to pick up on it, then you had no chance to do so."

"If it had been Chuck..." Herc finds himself voicing the one thought that's been snowballing around his mind ever since he was hit with Scott's memory. It's the thing he fears most, that Chuck was hurt in any way by Scott.

"But it wasn't Herc, and he never was at risk." Stacker replies evenly but firmly because he knows what he's saying is true. Chuck is not a little girl, that's what kept him safe. "You will lose yourself if you keep on exploring all the what-ifs, but it still won't change a thing."

Herc deflates and closes his eyes again, trying to regain his composure. He wishes Stacker was here, because he really needs to lean against him, feel his arms around him to hold him together. But he isn't here, Stacker is in Anchorage while Herc is in Hong Kong. There's an ocean between them right now, and there's no way to see each other, _touch_ each other anytime soon. Herc craves it with an intensity that almost overwhelms him, but he was always very disciplined, very realistic, and he won't allow himself to give in. 

He has to be strong for Chuck who won't understand why his uncle Scott is gone and why his father, Scott's own brother, was the one who made him leave. Herc knows that he will never tell Chuck. He doesn't want to tarnish his memories of his uncle - not for Scott's sake, but for Chuck's. He knows how much Chuck loves his uncle, loves that he's fun and reckless and up to all kinds of shenanigans whereas Herc is the strict father who always says 'no'. Chuck has lost too many people he loved, Herc won't be the one taking his memories of Scott, too. 

"Chuck hates me." Herc says before he can hold the words back, and he can hear himself how tired he sounds, how resigned and weary. He never meant to say those words out loud, but now that they're out, they almost crush him. "He just told me to my face."

"Herc, listen to me." Stacker's voice is gentle now, like a soothing caress that he can almost physically feel. "Chuck doesn't hate you. You just happen to be the aim of all his anger and blame. In this situation every parent would be, it's not specifically you."

"I know. Doesn't make it hurt any less, though." Herc replies honestly before falling silent. Stacker is quiet on the other end, he knows there's nothing he can say.

"I wish you were here." Herc whispers after a moment, and he barely recognises his own voice. It's very low, very rough, very raw. It reflects everything he's feeling right now. He's close to the end of his rope, he needs a moment to recharge so that he has the strength to not only deal with Scott, but also steel himself against the razor-sharp words of his son. He knows he hasn't heard the last of it. Chuck is not the forgive and forget kind of guy, and right now Herc isn't able to withstand his well-aimed verbal spears.

"I've got you, Herc." Stacker's low voice rumbles soothingly in his ear and then there's a soft wave of warmth wrapping around him. It's a feeling of comfort and love that he recognises as Stacker's way of embracing him even when they're thousands of kilometres apart, the closest they can get right now. Herc allows the tension to leave his shoulders and consciously relaxes his cramped muscles all over his body. 

"Thanks, Stacks." Herc says after simply indulging in the warm comfort for a long while. He already feels better than he did twenty minutes ago. Not good, but better. It's a beginning.

"Always." He can feels the soft smile in Stacker's words even if he can't see it. His voice is warm and caring and sincere and feels like a caress."And Herc, don't be a stranger." 

Herc can't help a dry chuckle that almost gets stuck in his throat. He recognises those words, remembers them from those dark times after Angie's death. Stacker meant it then, and he means it know. He wants to be there for Herc, he wants him to know that he doesn't have to deal with all of this on his own. 

"I won't be." Herc replies once he's found his voice again. 

After they hang up, Herc sighs deeply and lets his head fall back against the wall, the phone still cradled in his hand. He resolves to give Chuck an hour to calm down, then he'll go after him and get him for dinner. 

No matter what Chuck may throw at him, Herc won't allow him to push him away.


	14. Unhealthy Curiosity (Stacker/Herc, Newt & Hermann)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Newton Geiszler has always been a curious person. He also often tends to stick his nose in things he shouldn't have. Marshal Pentecost's private life is one of those things.

_Hong Kong Shatterdome, May 2023_

 

"I'd like both of your reports on my desk by tomorrow morning, gentlemen." Marshal Pentecost says in that typical commanding yet serene tone of his, and Newton barely resists the urge to give a fake salute. He knows the Marshall doesn't appreciate his mockery of all things military, though, so he doesn't. 

Instead he watches Pentecost and Hansen walk out of the lab, their steps in perfect sync. Not only their steps, actually, their entire _being_ seems to be in sync - from their movements to the way they don't need to talk to have an entire conversation. At the very beginning, when he first saw those two together - must have been a few years ago - Newt thought it was freaky. Now he can't help coming to another conclusion.

"Do you think they're doing it?" Newt asks and makes an unmistakable gesture with his hands, addressing Hermann who is standing next to him - on his side of the lab, of course.

"Newton!" Hermann sounds so scandalised that Newt is tempted to go into more detail. "What the Marshal and Ranger Hansen do in their private life is _none_ of your business."

"Still. I always wondered." Newt shrugs and returns to his side of the lab where a Kaiju liver is sitting on the examination table, dutifully waiting for him. "They have that special kind of chemistry, you know."

"Really, Newton, don't you have enough work to do so that you busy yourself with gossip instead?" Hermann's mouth pulls down in a remarkably disgusted fashion. Newton has never seen anybody else performing that expression to quite that perfection. 

"Oh, it's gossip? Tell me all about it!" Newton beams at him, well aware that it will annoy him beyond reason.

Hermann rolls his eyes because he realises that he gave Newton even more ammunition. "I will not repeat gossip about the Marshal's private life for you."

"Oh come on! Please!" Newton isn't ashamed to beg. He loves a good piece of juicy gossip to spice up his rather unsocial lab life. Hermann doesn't count as social contact, he's practically part of the furniture.

"No, Newton. I - contrary to you - have principles and a code of honour I live by, and I will not undermine them for your sensationalism." Hermann's nose is so high that Newton wonders how he manages to see what's right in front of him. Well, maybe he doesn't - that would explain a thing or two.

"Code of honour? Really, man?" Newton snorts. "I hate to tell you, but you don't interact with people enough to actually need a code of honour." 

"You do not honestly think that insults will make me tell you anything, do you?" Hermann raises an eyebrow, and Newt can't quite decide whether it's arrogance, disdain or a challenge. "I will not stoop to your level, Newton."

He turns on his heel and stalks off to his side of the lab, and now that's definitely arrogance there. Newton just grins. He has a mission now: to explore strange behaviours, to seek out new information and hidden secrets, to boldly research what no man has researched before - the mysterious relationship of Marshal Stacker Pentecost and Ranger Hercules Hansen.

It becomes kind of an obsession remarkably quickly. Well, side obsession, really, he's still quite busy with that teeny tiny Kaiju thing going on in the world. Newton observes Pentecost and Hansen whenever he can, like any good scientist would, and analyses the so acquired information. He wonders if he could ask his test subjects to carry out some experiments for him, but he's quite sure the Marshal would eat him alive and Ranger Hansen would kick his sorry ass into the Breach. Without a Jaeger. So he refrains from asking.

That doesn't mean that Newton doesn't have ways to get what he wants. When there's a quiet night in the lab with Hermann actually absent for once, Newton searches Pentecost's and Hansen's files. There's a lot he has access to since he's the lead scientist for biology, but their Ranger files are sealed. It's not enough to keep him from looking at them, though. He was always good with computers, too. Hacking is in his blood, so to speak. 

Of course he only dares to go for it because Hermann is not there. Because Herm is the only one good enough in coding to understand from one tiny glance at Newt's screen what he's doing. He's probably even better at it then Newt - not that he would _ever_ tell Hermann that - but his 'principles' and his 'code of honour' (Newton can't help making air quotes here) would most likely make him stop Newt, and Newton can't have that. He's too curious to let it go now.

What he discovers once he cracks the firewall ("Really? My mother could do better than that!") is more surprising than it probably should be. He learns not only that Pentecost and Hansen jockeyed together in the Mark I Glory Days and therefore are drift compatible, he also finds out from a side note by Caitlin Lightcap from 2016 that they're a perfect match, only the second one she came across. Now _that_ is interesting.

When he keeps reading he comes to the medical data and he stops dumbfounded when he reads that Pentecost has terminal cancer. And has had it since 2016 - so much for 'terminal'. The man has more resilience than a cat has lives. The same file also informs him that Pentecost can never engage in a drift again - meaning that he can never pilot a Jaeger again - without his brain getting fried, due to the neural overload he experienced from driving solo for three hours. Which is an amazing feat, really, and Newt admires that. It's badass. 

Out of the blue a thought crosses his mind. Pentecost and Hansen must terribly miss it, the drifting. Newt has only heard about it, well, and read all he could get his hands on, but there are so very few perfect matches out there that no serious studies have ever been conducted. In lore the perfect match among Rangers gets upgraded to a soul bond, destined to happen. Newt knows from insider information - did he mention he's good at hacking stuff? - that that's bullshit, please excuse the choice of words. 

Being a perfect match just means that two people are naturally extremely compatible, a bit as if they're connected even without the neural handshake. But it's not like they're soul-bonded. That belongs into the various fantasy worlds he likes to indulge in (and he loves them very much, so that's certainly not a criticism). Now, the drift would make that connection even stronger, to the point that the pilots act as one entity. Doesn't mean they don't keep their separate identities, though, just that they're in such perfect sync that you can't tell them apart anymore. Of course that makes almost invincible Jaeger pilot teams.

Pentecost's cancer explains why he's not in a Jaeger anymore although he's part of a perfect match which the PPDC has always valued highly. To Newt's knowledge there are only three other perfect matches, but he can only remember the Kaidanovskys from Russia right now. And man, they're seriously badass. No wonder no Kaiju ever managed to breach the Siberian Wall.

Newt reads through their entire medical files, because hey, he's a scientist. He needs all available information in order to be able to consider all the angles. There's nothing spectacular in Hansen's files. He's your typical soldier - some old, long healed injuries of varying severity, but generally very fit and healthy due to the exercise-heavy lifestyle and a balanced diet. No damage to the brain caused by the neural handshake, but he sports circuitry burn scars all over his body from to several cases of overloads of the Jaegers' system. The single events are listed in chronological order, and Newton suddenly realises that he's looking at the file of one of the longest active Jaeger pilots on the planet. Heck, the guy jockeyed at least one Jaeger of every mark series, and that's quite the achievement.

Pentecost's case is quite different. He too follows the stereotype of the soldier with the old injuries and the exercise-heavy lifestyle and a balanced diet, but he's far from healthy. He may be fit because he keeps up exercising, but the cancer is slowly eating him from the inside. He's on heavy medication to keep the cancer from spreading, but it's obvious that it's just a way to delay the inevitable. It saddens Newton because Pentecost may be a tough son of a bitch, but he's a good commander. He takes Newton seriously - most of the times - and Newt certainly doesn't take that for granted from a military man. 

When he gets to the brain scans, Newton frowns and takes a closer look. What he sees shouldn't even be possible given that the man still behaves like a normal human being (mostly, that is). Of course there was damage to be expected from a three hour solo drive of a Jaeger, but this makes him look like a broccoli - which he's definitely not. Newton takes his time to study the images and the accompanying reports, but he comes to the same conclusion - the Marshal is in a way better condition than his brain scans indicate. But it's also obvious why he can never engage in a drift again - any additional neural load would tip the scale once and for all.

Now, Hansen and Pentecost can't drift anymore since Tokyo, because 1.) the nuclear reactor would do no good for Pentecost's cancer, and 2.) because the neural load of a drift would deep-fry the Marshal's brain, especially if there's the additional load of a Jaeger in the middle. Newt has the crazy idea that he could try to create a Pons system outside of a Jaeger, away from the reactor *and* without the additional load of the control system. There would be no other purpose than connecting the minds of two people. Basically like Caitlin Lightcap's first Pons system, just that in her case the goal had always been to link man and machine. She never focussed on connecting just two people with no machine involved, and Newt has never heard of it being done before. Even a simulator brings in the load of a Jaeger, because it has the purpose to test if the pilots can take it.

Now there will have to be specifications to make a Pons work for Pentecost and Hansen because of the special situation they're in, on top of being a perfect match. That will also influence their connection - Newt needs information on how the link between a perfect match differs from the link of two people who're merely compatible. Of course Newt would not want his invention - if he ever manages to make it work, that is - to be known on a large scale, he can see the dangers of such a system right away. But he's sure Pentecost and Hansen would give anything - well, maybe not anything, but a lot - to be able to drift together again without taking any unnecessary risks. It must be hard not to drift with your perfect match _for years_.

It's very late - or very early, that depends on your point of view - when Newton powers down the computer and leaves the lab to get a few hours of sleep in his quarters. He can't quite shut off the thoughts running wild in his mind about Pentecost and Hansen, though. All the new information he acquired do not really help him to answer his initial question: Are they doing it? Are they an item? Because he can't quite imagine that Pentecost would do fuck buddies, that seems so... out of character for him. Too much fun, not serious enough. So the question has to be: Are they together, a couple, lovers, partners or whatever you want to call it?

Newton is lying in his bed and almost asleep when he decides he has to do more research. He _will_ find it out.

He's back in the lab by nine o'clock, and of course Hermann is already there, standing on his old-fashioned ladder and writing on one of the equally old-fashioned blackboards - with chalk! Honest to god chalk! Where does he even find that stuff anymore? Hermann barely reacts to Newton's hearty 'Good Morning, Herm!' and keeps mumbling numbers under his breath. 

Newton boots his computer and is very happy to find a message in his inbox telling him that the Kaiju kidney he requested has reached Hong Kong and is waiting for him to come and collect it. It reminds him of yesterday's 'exploration trip' into the medical files of Hansen and Pentecost. He really wants to find out if his idea of the two-people-drift is possible for somebody with a brain as damaged as Pentecost's - strictly neurally speaking, because there's nothing damaged with the guy when he's talking or walking or making decisions or kicking Newt's ass. Without the brain scans and the reports, Newton would never have guessed there was any damage at all. But the data doesn't lie.

Well, it's just a thought, an idea, really, and he has no time for it now, anyway. There is a Kaiju specimen waiting for him to study. And he hasn't scandalised Hermann at all yet - it's the daily goal to do it at least five times, and Newt has yet to fail it.


	15. So So Screwed (Chuck/Raleigh)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's when the fists fly that Raleigh knows with absolute certainty that he and Chuck are extremely drift compatible. He could have lived happily ever after _not_ knowing that.

_Hong Kong Shatterdome, January 7th 2025_

 

Raleigh paces up and down in the hallway in front of Marshall Pentecost's office, tense and restless. Mako stands at attention right opposite of the door, her posture unbelievably stiff. It isn't the first time in his career as a Jaeger pilot that Raleigh finds himself here (or the equivalent spot in other shatterdomes), but it's the first time he really screwed up this badly. He was the one to trigger Mako's R.A.B.I.T., and it might just as well cost her the one thing she wants most - piloting a Jaeger.

The door to the office is closed, but it doesn't keep the voices from filtering through. Especially Chuck Hansen's voice, which is angry and loud enough to carry even further down the hallway. "She can't control her drift, and he went out of phase first!" 

"We all know what happened." Pentecost's calm but slightly annoyed voice cuts through Chuck Hansen's rant but can't stop it. He goes on as if Pentecost hasn't said a thing.

"We can't afford mistakes! The Kaiju keep evolving, they keep kicking our arses! He's a has-been, she's a rookie! I don't want them protecting _my_ bomb run!" The words penetrate the heavy metal door as clearly as if it wasn't there at all. They grate on Raleigh's nerves and make him grind his teeth - especially because he knows that there's a quantum of truth to them. Mako and him have screwed up, but that doesn't mean they can't hack it. It was their first drift, after all, under not the best conditions.

The door to the Marshal's office is thrown open and Chuck Hansen storms out. Pentecost's admonishing words follow him outside. "You need to watch your tone, Mister Hansen." 

It pearls off Chuck as if he hasn't heard Pentecost. He stalks out of the office, the tension obvious in his every move. Just seeing him is enough to make Raleigh's blood boil - and not in a good way. His arrogance has annoyed Raleigh from the very first moment he's set eyes on Chuck Hansen, but right now it makes him really angry. It takes a real effort to reign in the knee-jerk reaction of snapping at Chuck.

Herc Hansen appears in the door an gives his son a warning gaze. "Hey! Stay there and give me a moment."

The door closes again, and Chuck walks towards Raleigh and Mako, a snarl on his face. Raleigh just knows trouble is coming his way.

"You two are a goddamn disgrace! You're going to get us all killed, and here's the thing, _Rah_ leigh," - Chuck draws out his name in a way that makes Raleigh's fist twitch to punch that arrogant asshole - "I want to come back from this mission 'cause I quite like my life. So why don't you" - he snips his finger against Raleigh's chest in a dismissive gesture that has Raleigh tempted to break that finger - "do us all a favour and disappear. It's the only thing you're good at."

"Stop! Now!" Mako's voice is angry and threatening in a way Raleigh hasn't heard before. He knows it's because she's protective of him, especially now that she saw, no, _lived through_ his experience of losing Yancy. She understands how much Chuck's words hit a sore spot, and the tone of her voice tells Raleigh she is about to punch Chuck. Problem is that they're already in deep shit, they don't need to add to it by getting into a brawl with another pilot. So Raleigh reaches out with his hand to keep Mako from going for Chuck's throat. It's not because he thinks she can't win - he actually thinks she can - but because Pentecost will definitely not let it slide.

"Yeah, that's right. You just hold back your little girlfriend." If possible, Chuck's voice sounds even more disdainful than it did before. "One of you bitches needs a leash."

Raleigh punches Chuck before the intention has even formed in his mind. He hears the words, and it's like a reflex. It happens so fast that he has to admit that Chuck's never had a chance to block it.

Doesn't mean that he won't retaliate, though. 

"Apologize to her." Raleigh growls, entirely willing to engage in a fight with Chuck no matter the consequences.

Chuck just wipes the blood off his lip. "Screw you."

At first Raleigh thinks that his experience should give him an advantage - all those bar fights had to be good for something - but he quickly realizes that assumption is wrong. Chuck moves with him, like him; it's almost freaky. It's how he can anticipate each of Chuck's movements, how they seem to be in sync that catches his attention first. They're fighting, and yet it's more like dancing. He can feel Chuck, can read him; and the way Chuck counters his every attack tells him that it's mutual.

And while Raleigh's connection with Mako during the trail in the Kwoon had been strong, the connection he has with Chuck right now is incredibly much stronger. They're not just drift compatible, he suddenly realises, they're a perfect match. He feels it deep down, a certainty so absolute that he can't even pretend to be in denial about it. One gaze in Chuck's eyes and he knows he's not alone in that realisation.

Shit. 

He's distracted by the unwelcome epiphany just long enough for Chuck to land a punch on his right cheek. He's thrown back but catches himself quickly. 

Well, being a perfect match doesn't mean they have to actually do something about it. Right now Raleigh is sure he's _not_ willing to exchange Mako for Chuck in the Conn-Pod, no matter how perfectly compatible they are. 

Chuck keeps coming and so does Raleigh, yet it's like they're cursed - none of them manages to get the upper hand. Each attack is parried, as if they know how the other will move before they do. Raleigh is certain that they can keep at it for hours without one of them ever winning. 

'A dialog, not a fight', the instructors at the academy had always said. Raleigh can't hold back a snort. He's pretty sure that he and Chuck are in a fight and not in a dialogue right now, yet their drift compatibility is out of the question.

Shit. 

Shit, shit, shit.

Raleigh has Chuck in a headlock on the ground that he already feels Chuck wiggle out of when Herc Hansen's booming voice echoes through the hallway. "All right, that's enough! What's going on! On your feet, both of you!" 

Herc sounds angry, and a tad exasperated, as if he isn't entirely surprised by what is happening. Well, he probably isn't. It's been coming for a while now.

Obedience to the order as well as to that particular shade of commanding voice is so deeply ingrained into Raleigh that he feels himself respond to it without thinking, letting go of Chuck and standing at attention - halfway, at least. It feels gratifying to see Chuck react exactly the same as him. There are just some things that the academy instils in you that you can't just leave at the doorstep - even after five years of being out of PPDC, the reflexes are still there.

Pentecost shows up right behind Herc, and the way he bends his head at the sight of them - probably to hide his highly annoyed expression, Raleigh muses - tells Raleigh that he isn't entirely surprised either. "Becket. Mori. Into my office."

Chuck isn't ready to call it quits yet, though, and starts to move towards Raleigh again. As if by an invisible thread, Raleigh feels himself pulled towards Chuck as well, already moving into position to counter his attack. They would have come to blows again if Herc hadn't stepped in between them, pressing his arm against Chuck's throat to hold him back bodily. "This is over!"

Chuck bares his teeth, eyes fixed on Raleigh, but he stops approaching.

_No_ , Raleigh thinks with a sinking feeling in his gut, _Herc is wrong. This has just begun._

It's only with an effort that Raleigh turns and heads to the office. Behind him, he hears Herc growl at his son. "You're a Ranger, for Christ's sake, why don't you start acting like one?"

It makes Raleigh turn to throw a gaze over his shoulder. Chuck is glaring at his father, then at Raleigh, before he turns on his heel and storms off. Herc sighs, then he catches sight of Raleigh and watches him for a moment. Just before he follows Mako into the Marshal's office, Raleigh catches the gaze that Herc exchanges with Pentecost. They seem to communicate without words, and it's then that Raleigh understands. 

They know.

Shit. He's so screwed.


	16. Difficult Relationships (Stacker/Herc, Chuck & Herc, Stacker & Mako)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Herc talks to Stacker about the confrontation he had with Chuck in the Jaeger bay - and Chuck happens to involuntarily eavesdrop.

_Hong Kong Shatterdome, January 7th 2025_

 

Chuck turns down the corridor that leads to Pentecosts office, his stride fast and clipped. He's still angry at Raleigh and Mako. Those two idiots almost blew up the entire shatterdome because they aren't able to keep a stable drift - they shouldn't be in a Conn-Pod at all, especially not together.

He doesn't know what's going to happen now that they have proven their incompetence, since he stormed out of Pentecost's office - and right into that fistfight with _Ra_ leigh - before that decision had been announced. He needs to know, though, so Chuck decided to head to Pentecost's office and find out. His father had told him that Mako is grounded, but that doesn't actually resolve the situation - they still need somebody to pilot that old rust bucket. And besides Raleigh and Mako, there aren't many candidates left.

The door to Pentecost's office isn't quite closed, it stands ajar enough for Chuck to take it as an invitation to enter. The Marshal never leaves his door open when he doesn't want to be disturbed. Everybody knows that. 

Chuck is just reaching out with his hand to press against the heavy metal door when he hears his dad's voice coming from inside the office. Chuck stops his movement mid air. He's really not up for another confrontation with his old man, and he doesn't particularly want to take on both his dad and Pentecost together. 

He's just about to turn around and come back later when his dad's words filter through and he realises that this conversation is about _him_. Seems like a private conversation, not like a meeting between the Marshal and his second in command. Chuck remains standing where he is, too curious not to listen in and find out what this is about.

"... told me that I couldn't blame myself since I hadn't raised him to be anything. That ever since Angela died, he had spent more time with the Jaegers than with me." Chuck frowns at the words, recalling them from their... well, not exactly conversation, more like confrontation, a few hours ago. He didn't know his dad talks with anybody about stuff like that, least of all Pentecost. He should have figured, though, those two have been close for as long as he can remember. 

What really gets to him, though, is the tired, weary quality of his dad's voice. Chuck hasn't heard him sound like that before, almost as if he is... broken. It's as if he allows himself to show his weariness around Pentecost, as if he doesn't need to pretend to be untouched by the rather frequent clashes between Chuck and him. Chuck swallows and leans closer to catch the Marshal's answer.

"That's not all, is it?" Pentecost asks, his voice quiet.

There's a moment of silence before Chuck hears a deep, heartfelt sigh coming from his father. "He told me that the only reason we still talk is because we're drift compatible. That we actually didn't even need to talk at all."

Pentecost lets out a low whistle. "He knows how to hit where it really hurts, doesn't he?"

Herc gives a chuckle that sounds exasperated and a touch sad. "He sure does."

"Kids always know." Pentecost goes on, and it sounds like he's talking from experience. For a split second Chuck wonders what Mako said or did to get Pentecost where it hurts _him_ most. "And yet you can never stop worrying about them."

Herc snorts. "Tell me about it."

For a long moment there's only silence, and Chuck wonders if that's it, end of story. He can't help thinking about what his dad said, how he sounded, and how much of that is his fault. Of course Chuck knows that the frequent clashes between them don't leave his dad untouched - hell, they don't leave Chuck untouched, either - but he didn't know it got to Herc that much. Chuck just doesn't know how to behave differently anymore, it's a reflex to push his dad away. To prove that he doesn't need him. That Chuck's better than his dad. 

That Chuck would never have let his mom die, had he been in his father's stead when Sydney had been attacked.

"Sometimes I don't know what to do anymore, Stacks." It almost startles Chuck when he hears his father speak again, very quietly, very tired, and very weary. "I think I went wrong with him such a long time ago that there's actually no mending our relationship anymore."

"Come here." Never has Chuck heard that particular tone of voice on Pentecost. Caring, kind, tender. 

Loving.

And he's talking _to Chuck's dad_! Chuck froze.

He hears the muted thump of Herc's heavy boots on the floor, followed by the low rustling of clothes, and it's enough to pull him out of his stupor. His curiosity gets the better of him and he takes that final step that will allow him to peek through the crack of the door. Of course he risks them spotting him, but right now he doesn't care. He has to know if they are doing what he thinks they're doing.

When he manages to catch a glimpse of them, he finds them tangled in a tight embrace. His father has stepped up to Pentecost who's leaning against his desk. The Marshal's arms are wrapped around Herc's waist, his hands splayed out on Herc's broad back, moving in soothing little circles. Herc's forehead is resting on Pentecost's shoulder as if his head is too heavy to carry, his eyes closed and his hands buried in the fabric of Pentecost's suit jacket. Chuck notices how their breath is synchronized, how they seem to understand each other without words, and he can't help the sudden realisation that at some point, they must have had drifted together.

They look so familiar and comfortable this close together, intimate in a way Chuck can't describe, and he feels a tinge of shame for watching them like this. It's a side of his father he hasn't known existed, and Chuck's not sure he had ever _wanted_ to know. That his dad's not the invincible hero Chuck has grown up thinking he is. That he is tired, weary, vulnerable. That he finds strength in Pentecost and only pain with Chuck.

It's a sickening thought that makes Chuck's stomach clench. He's glad when Pentecost starts speaking again and pulls him out of his unpleasant thoughts. "You know he loves you no matter what he says."

Herc's silent too long for Chuck's taste. He shouldn't have to think about how to answer that. "Sometimes it's hard to remember that."

The words are low, without accusation or malicious intent, just a simple statement, and Chuck feels as if he'd been punched in the stomach. Hard. He has to fight to keep from making a sound; it would have betrayed his eavesdropping position to the men inside the office.

Chuck watches his dad wrap his arms around Pentecost's waist before he continues speaking. "I think he will never forgive me for Angela's death."

Pentecost never stops the gentle, soothing caress of his hands on Herc's sides and back. "You know as well as I do that there was no other way for you to act."

Herc nods, but it's only a faint motion against Pentecost's shoulder. "Angie would never have forgiven me if I had come for her instead of Chuck. _I_ would never have forgiven _myself_."

"He's your son, Herc. There never really was a choice." Pentecost's voice is still quiet but there's unwavering certainty underneath its velvety sound. "She would have done the same thing in your stead and you wouldn't have wanted it any other way. It's what parents do. They protect their children no matter the cost."

"I know." Herc sighs and Chuck can see him lean into Stacker, accepting the comfort of his embrace. "Doesn't make living with the consequences any easier, though."

"Chuck doesn't understand." It's not a question, and somehow Chuck's sure it isn't the first time they've spoken about this. About him.

"How could he? He was ten years old when it happened. The only thing he saw was that I hadn't even tried to safe his mom." Herc scoffs. "And then I kept making mistakes until there was barely any basis for communication left between us. The Jaegers really were the only thing keeping us from losing contact, he was right about that."

"He was still wrong to say all those things to you. I don't say that you didn't make mistakes - which parent doesn't? - but you were a widower with a traumatized child and there was a war against monsters going on, basically on your doorstep. You did the best you could given the circumstances."

Herc raises his head off Pentecost's shoulder and looks at him. "You certainly did better with Mako."

"I'm not so sure about that. She is furious that I grounded her. Not at me, mind you, but at herself. Disappointed and angry and frustrated. She feels like she failed her parents, herself, me..." Now it's Pentecost who sighs deeply, his face showing the same weariness Chuck has seen on his dad only minutes ago. "No child should grow up carrying such thoughts into adulthood."

"It's not something you could have changed, Stacks. It's just who Mako is. She is strong and ambitious and fierce. I'm sure she was like that even before you adopted her." Herc's hand settles on Pentecost's cheek and makes him look at Herc. "You know it was the right decision to let her into the Conn-Pod, don't you?"

"I do." Pentecost admits. "I'm not sure where to go from here, though. You know what would have happened if she had fired the plasma canon inside the shatterdome. This wasn't just a mistake to learn from, this was actually an incredibly dangerous situation that could have had devastating consequences for all the people within the building. Not to mention in which position it would have left the PPDC and the Jaegers."

"I'm well aware of it." Chuck hears his dad say and he can't help a certain satisfaction that he isn't the only one unhappy with the events from this morning. But Herc's not done yet. "Mako is still young, inexperienced. She never had the opportunity to learn how to drift. It's very different for them than it was for us, Stacks. We grew into the system as it was evolving around us. They just get thrown into the cold water. And Raleigh wasn't the easiest person to have a first drift with, considering the trauma he has experienced. But Mako will learn, and she will be an amazing pilot. You must know that. She has all it takes."

Pentecost is quiet for a moment, then he gives Herc a small but heartfelt smile. "Thank you for the pep talk, Ranger Hansen."

Herc chuckles, but there's a wistful edge to it. "I felt like you needed it. I know what it feels like to worry about your kid, after all. I'm a champion in that matter."

"Sometimes it's easy to forget how young they still are. Chuck will grow older, he'll learn to understand things he doesn't understand now. You''ll get through to him at some point."

"I hope so." Herc takes a deep breath before he lets it out with a sigh. "Sometimes I fear that it's too late to make things right between us. That we're too far gone."

"It's never too late, Herc." Pentecost replies, his voice sure and firm. "He's still here with you, isn't he?"

Chuck watches as his dad raises his head and touches his lips to Pentecost's, slow and light and chaste, yet somehow the gesture is more intimate than even a deep, passionate kiss would have been. "Thank you."

Pentecost touches his forehead to Herc's, their noses brushing against each other in a subtle caress. "Always."

Chuck can't help staring at them, how they stand in the sparsely decorated Marshal's office, wrapped into each other's arms and foreheads resting together. There's an atmosphere of peace around them that almost makes Chuck jealous, because he has never experienced such a feeling with anybody, especially not with his dad. 

It's a few minutes before Herc askes, "When's the briefing with Tendo?"

Pentecost checks his watch without letting go of Herc. "In ten minutes."

"We should probably get going, then." Herc slowly lets go of Pentecost and steps back. Chuck feels as if the sudden movement wakes him from a spell. He suddenly regains the power to move and he makes sure to be extra quiet when he pulls back from the door. It really won't do for his dad and Pentecost to catch him spying on them. 

He can't talk to the Marshal now. Chuck feels derailed, thrown. Not because of what he has seen - he's known for years that Pentecost and his dad have a... _thing_ going, they aren't nearly as subtle as they think they are. And he caught a glimpse of his dad's feeling in the Drift once. Well, he didn't need the visual confirmation, but he can live with it.

No, what really gets to him are all the things his dad said. Words he's never said to Chuck, and now that he has heard them, he realises how much of a difference they make. So does seeing what their conflicts do to his dad, how he blames himself for things that Chuck knows aren't his fault, although he's never let his dad know that he learned that when he grew older.

Chuck walks down the hallway, his pace slower than usual, deep in thoughts. He will come back later. He needs time to think, to digest all the things he's witnessed before he can face either his dad or Pentecost.

The Mako-Raleigh mess will have to wait a little longer.


	17. Perfect Match (Chuck/Raleigh, Chuck & Herc)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chuck blows off some steam in the kwoon. It's just his luck that his dad comes by and has a thing or two to say about that fist fight with Raleigh.

_Hong Kong Shatterdome, January 7th 2025_

 

It's evening when Chuck finally manages to find the time to go to the kwoon. He's still riled up about what he heard his dad say in Pentecost's office, as well as about the revelation that Raleigh is his perfect match. It's too much for one day, really, and he needs to get some of it off his chest - best way to do that is beating up the punchbag in the kwoon since there's nobody there to spar with.

Chuck quickly wraps his hands, the movements a deeply ingrained routine. He warms up, not as thoroughly as he probably should, but just enough to make sure that he doesn't pull anything. He doesn't have the patience to go through a complete warm-up now, he really, _really_ has to hit something. Now.

He makes his way over to the back of the kwoon where several punchbags are suspended from the ceiling. He punches once, twice, thinking of Raleigh. It just can't be that they're compatible! He won't let it be true! He hits the punchbag harder, willing it to take the blame for his entire screwed up life. Why the hell does he have to be drift compatible with a washed up has-been who already has a co-pilot? 

Why Raleigh, of all people? There are many other good Rangers, so why does Chuck have to be drift compatible with a coward who ran away from his duty? 

Chuck closes his eyes and growls under his breath. He still remembers how much it hurt when he learned that Raleigh Becket, his childhood hero, had left the PPDC, had abandoned the people he was supposed to protect, had just disappeared. Why the hell had Chuck ever though he was a hero? And now he was supposed to get in a Conn-Pod with that coward just because they happen to be a perfect match? Hell no! He's been fighting and doing the job extremely well for years without being the perfect match to his co-pilot. Contrary to Raleigh, who'd run with the tail between his legs at the first sign of trouble.

Chuck Hansen, youngest Jaeger pilot in the history of the PPDC, has ten kills under his belt, after all. That should speak for itself. He doesn't need Raleigh fucking Becket. 

One-two-one-two. Chuck keeps up a steady, punishing rhythm. The punchbag swings lightly under the onslaught, and he hits it harder. _You know why you will never ever agree to a drift with him_ , a mean little voice nags him, somewhere in the back of his mind. He tries to ignore it, get it to shut up by going at the punchbag even harder. It doesn't work, though.

_Of course_ he knows why he can't drift with Raleigh. All those stupid fantasies he had as a teenager, all that hero worship, his pain when Raleigh left. Raleigh will see it in the drift. Chuck can shield his thoughts well enough - he learned it from his dad, who seems to always keep up certain shields when drifting with Chuck - but he's reasonably sure that at least some of those things will bleed over the drift, and he can't face Raleigh knowing them. Chuck had been a stupid boy back then, but still, it's embarrassing.

_That's not all_ , the voice quips, even meaner than before. Chuck growls and mistreats the punchbag some more.

Okay, so the fantasies are the real problem. Because they were explicit. Like, adult explicit, and Chuck and Raleigh played the main roles. It's what a fifteen year old teenager thinks when he has a crush and is horny as hell due to puberty! Chuck knows for sure that his dad saw some of those fantasies, and that's painful enough. He really doesn't need _Raleigh_ of all people seeing them. 'Embarrassing' doesn't even begin to cover it. 

Chuck hits the punchbag with all the strength he can find in his body, and it feels satisfying to have it recoil rather violently. 

"Why don't you put that surplus energy to good use and spar with me?" Chuck turns at the voice of his dad behind him. He's just in time to catch the hanbō Herc throws at him. 

"What do you want, old man?" Chuck snaps, holding the bō awkwardly with his wrapped fists.

He can see his father roll his eyes at the nickname. "You want to blow off steam. I'm offering you to spar. You know it's more satisfying than a punchbag that never hits back."

There's some logic in his argument, but Chuck just knows it's not all there is to it. He still begins to unwrap his fists and lets the bandage fall to the ground next to the mats when he's done. With a few steps he joins his dad on the sparring mats, testing the hanbō in his hand for the perfect position. They circle each other for a moment, then Chuck launches his first attack. His dad takes it, parries it, offers one of his own. It's an old game by now, they have sparred with each other so many times that Chuck has lost count years ago. Yet it really _is_ more satisfying to have an opponent who actually hits back. 

They fight in silence for a few minutes before his dad says casually, "So, tell me, what happened in the hallway today?"

Chuck almost falters, because really, how shitty can his dad's timing be? After all the back and forth with his own mind - and doesn't that sound sick - Chuck is most certainly not going to talk to his father about Raleigh fucking Becket. 

"We fought. That's it." he replies in the most impassive way he can manage - meaning he isn't _quite_ snapping at Herc, who is not impressed.

Herc snorts while he attacks Chuck's flank and scores. "Yeah, we could all see that. One-zero, by the way."

Chuck bares his teeth. He's distracted, that's why his dad got him. He loses no time to charge again. "I kicked his arse! That's what happened!"

"I don't think that's quite true." Herc remarks calmly. It makes Chuck even more angry how easily his dad avoids his hits, although he knows it because he's angry and therefore easy to predict. They have discussed that problem more than once. Right now Chuck doesn't care, he just wants to exhaust himself to the point that his brain shuts up.

Herc continues when it's clear that Chuck won't say anything. "From what I saw, I'd say you two were pretty evenly matched." He pauses to emphasize his point. "One might even say drift compatible." 

"You didn't see anything! You were in Pentecost's office!" Chuck shouts because he really _really_ doesn't want to discuss _that_ with his dad.

"I saw the end, and that was enough. Especially considering that we both know that you're not very compatible with anybody else." Herc says with a good layer of irony to his voice. It makes Chuck seethe and his next hit goes so wild it's embarrassing.

"Thank you for pointing that out!" He snaps. It's still a sore point that he hasn't found a co-pilot in the entire academy. And the problem is him - he hasn't been drift compatible with any other pilot but his dad so far.

"Just saying. You only ever piloted with me, and that does hardly count, since I'm your father and on top of that I'm almost universally compatible." Herc blocks his blow and scores one of his own. "Two-zero. You, on the other hand, don't drift well with others."

"I don't need you giving me a lecture on drift compatibility, old man!" Chuck uses the derogatory nickname on purpose, trying to rile Herc up to distract him from the current topic. But his words pearl off Herc as if he hasn't heard them.

"And now in comes Raleigh, the one guy you can't stand on sight - never mind that you adored him pre-Knifehead - and you happen to be compatible with him." Herc chuckles. "I can certainly appreciate the irony of that."

"Well, I can't!" Chuck growls. He aims for Herc's midriff, wanting to hurt him.

"So tell me, how high do you think is your compatibility?" Herc effortlessly blocks Chuck's attack, mostly because it's imprecise due to his emotional turmoil and his anger. Chuck doesn't answer, so Herc digs some more. "Eighty percent? Ninety?"

Chuck lurches forward again. He's _not_ going to answer that question, that much is certain. Herc avoids a slash of the bō and parries another one, then he lets out a startled laugh as if he just had a sudden epiphany. "Oh my god, I can't believe it! You two are a perfect match, aren't you?"

"And what would you know about a perfect match? You never had it, neither with uncle Scott nor with me!" Chuck lashes out, because his dad is making him crazy with all his questions. Chuck has come to the kwoon to let off some steam, not to be interrogated about Raleigh fucking Becket.

He expects his dad to be angry, or at least offended by his low blow. Instead Herc breaks the fighting stance, the hanbō held loosely in his right hand, his gaze focussed on Chuck, serious and firm. "It's like you know his thoughts, even without the neural handshake engaged. You _feel_ his every move, can anticipate it and react accordingly. You're in sync with him, no matter if you want to be or not, and you feel like you're tied to him by an invisible band that determines your entire fight, every attack, every parry. You always know that there can never truly be a winner."

Chuck stands facing his father, and he can't help feeling mesmerised by his words. They describe everything he felt when he was fighting with Raleigh in that hallway - the draw towards him, the connection, the knowledge that neither of them would win. Somehow all his anger is suddenly gone and it leaves him feeling lost and confused. It takes Chuck a moment to find his voice, and he would have been embarrassed by its hoarse sound if he didn't feel that this moment was somehow special, important. A turning point. "How do you know?"

Herc holds his gaze, as if he's testing him. It suddenly makes Chuck think of the conversation he overheard, of how his dad had said that he feared that it was too late to mend their relationship. Chuck holds his father's gaze, hoping that he can see that Chuck is willing to make an effort. It takes a moment before Herc decides to answer his question, and when he does, his voice is warm. "I have it with Stacker." 

Chuck can't help choking out a laugh, real and heartfelt. God, that explains so much! "That's why you always just look at each other when normal people would have to talk."

"Yeah, that would be the reason." Herc smirks and gives a shrug that actually seems a bit embarrassed. "Is it that obvious?"

"Hell yeah." Chuck grins, and for once there's no mean edge to it. "But I think everybody is so used to it that they don't even notice anymore." 

Herc snorts, but it seems to be good-natured. "We've been doing it for long enough."

Chuck watches his dad for a moment, caught in the sudden ease of the moment. He can't remember the last time he felt this comfortable around his father, and he decides here and now that he _will_ make an effort. A first step is asking a question without malicious intend. "So you jockeyed together?"

There's a fond smile on Herc's face, it's clear he remembers days long past. "Yeah, we did. Back in the Mark 1 Glory days. Never in combat, though, but we were Caitlin Lightcap's test pilots after her first success. You remember, back after I graduated from the academy and we were still in the Icebox."

Chuck indeed remembers seeing Pentecost around when Scott, dad and Chuck were stationed in Alaska, back when he was a teenager. He'd never paid much attention to how his dad spent his days, Chuck had been too busy sneaking into the Jaeger bays. Right now Chuck is honestly surprised at his father's openness, at his sincerity. They usually don't talk like that. They never share secrets or memories or thoughts that aren't related to the job. Or, god forbid, feelings. It's strange, but not necessarily bad. Like maybe they can talk to each other without it ending in a fight. 

"Do you miss it?" Chuck hears himself ask before he can think better of it. 

He doesn't expect an answer to such a personal question, but Herc just nods slowly, a wistful smile on his lips that makes a shiver run down Chuck's spine. "Nothing feels like being in the Drift with your perfect match."

"So you're here to try to get me to jockey with Raleigh?" Chuck knows the moment the words have left his mouth that it's the wrong thing to say.

Herc's face hardens for second, and Chuck feels like he just undid all the progress they've made. When his dad replies, he doesn't sound angry, though, more tired. "No. Raleigh has a co-pilot, so do you. No use in breaking up a good team. I'm just saying that you should consider it as a possibility you didn't have before."

Chuck doesn't quite know what to say to that without ruining his efforts to not let this conversation turn into a confrontation. Suddenly it's important to prove that he can get along with his dad, that their relationship it not broken beyond repair.

Chuck clears his throat, then he looks his dad in the eye. "I'll consider it."

A small, lopsided smile appears on Herc's face and he gives a little nod. It's as if he accepts the apology Chuck didn't actually say. Then he bows and ends their training fight. "Thank you for the sparring." 

Chuck understands that it's not the sparring he's really talking about, but he nods anyway and returns the smile. "No worries."

"I'm going to bed." Herc tells him before he turns to leave. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah, see you tomorrow." Chuck replies and stares after the disappearing figure of his dad. Wow, that was weird. Weird but good. It has been years since he's last had a conversation with his dad that didn't escalate somehow. He wants to do it again sometime.

Maybe Pentecost is right - it's never too late to try mending their relationship. 

As long as they're both still alive.


	18. A Word of Advice (Chuck/Raleigh, Stacker & Sasha)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stacker seeks advice about the complicated Chuck Hansen vs. Raleigh Becket situation.

_Hong Kong Shatterdome, July 8th 2025_

 

The sun has just begun to rise beyond the horizon, colouring the entire sky blood red. Stacker walks along the rooftop level of one of the Jaeger bays and wonders if it's a sign that the day is going to be just as bloody. 

He continues to the very tip of the bay where the Shatterdome extends over the water. Just where he expects to find her, Sasha is leaning against the handrail, one foot propped up on the middle rod and her elbows resting on the top one. The wind is playing with her bleached hair, pulling some strands loose from the tight braids and making her seem almost soft. It's an illusion, and Stacker knows it. She's tough as nails. 

Stacker walks up to her, well aware that she knows he's there. Aleksis told him where to find her, but Stacker could have guessed it without help. Sasha always finds a high and deserted spot in every Shatterdome from where she can watch the sunrise. Stacker has never asked her what that is about because he's sure it's very personal. She will tell him if she wants him to know.

He joins her, resting his elbows on the handrail next to her, not saying a word. He gets why she likes it here, the atmosphere is peaceful and calm, as if there was nothing evil going on in the world around them. A bit as if there was no world.

They stand together in companionable silence until the sun has cleared the horizon. Only then does Sasha turn to him, looking at him with that intense gaze of hers. Most people don't know it - and would never guess it - but Sasha and Aleksis Kaidonovsky belong to the small inner circle of people Stacker calls friends. People he trusts and can rely on. He knows that he has Sasha's and Aleksis' loyalty, that they share his decision to go for the Breach even without the UN's backing. It may be a desperate move, but they all know that the Wall of Life is nothing but a joke to the Kaiju. Without the Jaegers to defend it, the Wall is useless. 

"Baby Hansen and the young Becket are a perfect match, Stacker." She makes it a statement, not a question. She knows what this is about before he even said a word. They've known each other for a long time, he thinks with a smile.

"We haven't had them in trial yet. And since they were never meant to pilot together, we haven't gathered information on their interaction. Their brain scans say they could be compatible, but the personality screenings aren't too favourable."

"Nonsense." Sasha says briskly. "You saw them in the hallway. You recognised how they moved because you've been in their shoes. They're a perfect match."

Stacker nods after a moment. He doesn't like leaving out the hard facts in order to go with a hunch, but if Sasha's gut is telling her the same thing, chances are high it's correct. "Herc and I came to the same conclusion. We're not sure what to do about it, though."

Sasha raises an eyebrow in silent challenge. "You know what I think."

Stacker inclines his head. "You think it's the right thing to put Chuck Hansen and Raleigh Becket in the same Conn-Pod, no matter that they both have co-pilots."

"There aren't many perfect matches among co-pilots. It's a rare coincidence to find that one person. I think all perfect matches should pilot together. You know that we're much more efficient than normally linked pilots."

Stacker nods. Of course he knows. Personal experience.

"Aleksis and I are one entity when we're in Cherno. We think as one, therefore we act as one. It's what makes us undefeated - we're faster, more precise, more controlled than normal co-pilots. You know that."

Sasha has known about Herc and Stacker almost from the beginning - she's very insightful. Sometimes Stacker is tempted to call her wise, but he would never tell her that - she wouldn't lose the smug grin for weeks afterwards. She may appear cold to outsiders, but she has a wicked sense of humour. She figured out that Herc and Stacker were together just by watching them - and all the while she picked up on the fact that they had to be a perfect match. Takes one to know one.

Sasha leans back against the railing, watching him with an unwavering gaze. "I never understood why they didn't put you and Herc together in the Conn-Pod, Stacker." 

Stacker looks out over the bay. "We both had co-pilots. And while Herc and I are almost universally drift compatible, our co-pilots weren't. They would have gained one team at the cost of two."

"You miss drifting with him." Sasha remarks, and it's not a question. Somehow she reminds him of Luna - although they're so different, they're also very alike. Sasha doesn't hold her tongue when she thinks something has to be said, no matter if people like it or not. Luna was the same.

"I do. But you know as well as I do that if I get into a Conn-Pod again, it will be the last time." Stacker lets out a slow breath. He usually doesn't talk about this. "I can't do that to Herc and Mako. Not if it's not worth the risk. I won't get a second chance."

"I know that." Sasha nods slowly, her face serious. "But if there's really going to be the double event your scientists predict, we need all the strength we can get, Stacker. Now you have to decide it it's better to have two normally liked pilot teams or a perfect match."

Stacker presses his lips into a thin line. "Chuck and Raleigh have never been in the drift together, never mind in a Jaeger. There's so much aggression between them that I'm not sure if they will fight together or against each other. The tiniest memory in the drift could trigger them to go for each other's throat, no matter if they're a perfect match."

"True." Sasha shrugs. "So put them to the test. Simulator first, we really don't want to repeat the almost-disaster from yesterday morning." 

"No, we sure don't." The danger and the devastating possible consequences of that situation are still fresh in his memory. It was an incredibly close call that he should have seen coming. He knew Raleigh hasn't dealt with his loss yet, and neither has Mako. 

"Yeah. It would be pretty bad timing to have all our remaining Jaegers destroyed by one of our own right before a double event." She looks out over the sea for a moment before she turns back to him. "Your young one is grounded, I heard."

Stacker gives a quick nod. News travel fast in the Shatterdome. "She is, for now." 

"She has potential. She's pilot material. I hope you know that it was the right decision to finally let her into the Conn-Pod." Sasha's gaze is nothing if not challenging.

"I want to think it was, but I must admit that I'm not sure." 

"Of course you know it was. You're afraid of losing her, that's why you grounded her, not because you doubt her abilities." Sasha really never holds back when she thinks it's important, Stacker muses with a slight note of self-deprecation. He knows that, so he shouldn't have come to talk to her if he doesn't want to hear the unpleasant truth.

"You have clipped her wings for a long time, Stacker. It's time to let her fly - and fall, when necessary. It's how she'll learn." Sasha's words sting, because Stacker knows they're true. "With young Becket she has a reliable, experienced co-pilot. If you don't decide to pair him with Baby Hansen, Mako and him are the next best choice. Their drift is strong."

Stacker lets that sink in for a moment. She is right. He turns towards her with a small but sincere smile. "Thank you, Sasha."

She hits him quite hard on the back and returns his smile. "It's what friends are for, Stacker."

When Stacker walks back towards his office, he thinks about Sasha's words. She is right that it would be very useful to have a Jaeger piloted by a perfect match, but he's not willing to break up two good teams for it. Herc and Chuck have proven their worth time and again. As for Mako and Raleigh, for now he'll leave her and therefore him grounded, because he's still not sure that yesterday's event won't repeat during their second drift. Maybe a few simulator sessions will help them control their drift better without blowing the Shatterdome to pieces in the process.

Stacker takes a last deep breath of fresh air before he leaves the tranquillity of top level of the 'dome behind to return to the real world. He feels better already. Sometimes all it takes is a good conversation with a friend who will always tell the truth, even if you don't want to hear it.


	19. A little Push (Chuck/Raleigh, Raleigh & Mako)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mako is sitting in the med bay with a broken collar bone and knows she can't participate in Operation Pitfall as a pilot. So she does the only logical thing and pushes Raleigh towards Chuck, because *they* still can pilot together.
> 
> If they get their act together.

_Hong Kong Shatterdome, January 8th 2025_

 

Mako stares at the ceiling, as grey as in all the rooms of the Shatterdome, just naked concrete. The pain is manageable now that the pain meds the nurse forced down her throat are slowly taking effect. She's not wearing her drivesuit anymore, the techs peeled her out of it as soon as Gipsy was safely back in the hangar.

Well, mostly safe, anyway. 

Mako wants to get out of that flimsy hospital gown. She has a broken collarbone, it's no reason to keep her in the med bay, never mind this bed. She want to get back to repairing her girl, because Gipsy needs to be a 100% for Operation Pitfall. Mako is tempted to just get up and go, but she has to wait for Raleigh who promised to bring her a set of clothes. She's not quite willing to walk through the Shatterdome in a loose piece of fabric that's open at the back. All the way down.

Mako sighs and leans back against the headboard. She'd been hit harder because it was her side of Gipsy that Otachi had attacked. She'd felt the exact moment when her collarbone had snapped when the falling piece of Gipsy's screen had impacted with her shoulder. Nevertheless, she had finished the fight alongside Raleigh who'd done his best to take on as much of her pain through the drift as he could so that they could both keep going. And they had won. They had killed Leatherback, and they had killed Otachi. Not bad for her first real combat.

Well, her pilot's career is pretty short, too. No more Conn-Pods for her, that's for sure. A broken collarbone takes more than a few days to heal. But she's quite sure they don't have more than a few days.

Cherno Alpha and Crimson Typhoon haven't fared so well. Mako shudders as she remembers watching and listening over the comm how they were so savagely destroyed by Leatherback and Otachi. It still shocks her how unerringly the two Kaiju have gone for the weak spots, how they _knew_ where to hit. It was over so quickly that nobody had really managed to get a grip on the situation before Cherno and Crimson were sending distress calls for backup.

It's a miracle that the Kaidonovskys and the Weis made it out alive. In the Russian's case it was Aleksis who saved their lives by releasing his own harness the moment he felt the water enter the Conn-Pod, and then he ripped Sasha out of hers with his bare hands, no matter that she yelled that she wasn't done fighting yet. The black eye he sports was her gift. They'd left the Conn-Pod through the hole Leatherback had ripped into the hull, just moments before he crushed it. The force of the explosion had left the Kaidonovskys with ringing ears, disoriented and almost drowning, and it was sheer luck that Sasha had managed to grab hold of a floating piece of debris of her own dying Jaeger. This time she had dragged Aleksis, because he'd been hit worse by the explosion. Later Mako learned that he had shielded her.

Otherwise they received mostly minor injuries, cuts and bruises and a slight case of Kaiju Blue poisoning; a broken arm in Aleksis case and a rather impressive laceration on the forehead in Sasha's. Mako is relieved that they're well - she can hear them argue in the room next to hers. It's a good sign.

The Wei brothers aren't quite that lucky. Mako heard from Sensei that Cheung is currently in a medically induced coma due to a head trauma, and Jin and Hu have several broken bones. They used the emergency escape pods, but in the express mode - extra fast extraction at the risk of injuries to the pilots. It's a system that's only used in very few Jaegers because it's deemed so dangerous, and it's only supposed to be used as the very last choice. It's the first time Mako knows of that it was actually used. The speed of the Conn-Pod extraction as well as the ejection out of the Jaeger create forces that can - and will - break bones. Cheung was simply unfortunate, he hit his head because his helmet had been damaged during the fight. Jin's and Hu's helmets were still intact, so they fared better.

Well, it saved their lives. They will take even longer to recover than Mako and the Kaidonovskys, but at least nobody died today. Mako knows it was a very _very_ close call. 

Herc and Chuck Hansen are the only ones who came out of today's Kaiju encounter unharmed. The EMP blast shut off all of Striker's systems, but that was it. Before Leatherback could cause any damage, Raleigh and Mako had joined the fight. It was at the last minute, she's quite aware of it. The Kaiju was just preparing to end Striker Eureka and its pilots for good. She still has to smile at the crazy move to shoot with flare guns at a raging Kaiju. It's a typical Hansen thing to do, and she respects it for the sheer insanity it is.

She knows Raleigh is in the door even before she sees him or he can say a word. It must be the drift hangover she heard about from older pilots.

"Hey." he says quietly, gives her that kicked puppy smile she kind of finds adorable, especially considering that he's a grown man. "How's your arm?"

"Broken collarbone." Mako replies and watches as he comes in and sits on the bed. 

"Brought you something more decent to wear." He says with a smirk and jerks his chin at her thin gown. He has a stack of clothes in his hands that he holds up now, and Mako can tell he brought her her J-Tech overall. She wants to hug him for it, because she loves that thing, it always reminds her of the hours she spent tinkering with Jaegers. It's also a sign that he doesn't consider her useless just because she's out of commission for the Conn-Pod. 

"Thank you, Raleigh." Mako gives him her bravest smile, because she's still not over the fact that she won't pilot again. She'd just got the hang of it. She loved it. It was all she had dreamt about since that day in Tokyo, and now it's her own body that betrays her. The worst is that there isn't even anybody to blame. Getting injured is part of the risk you take when you step into Jaeger, she knows that. She has just never expected it to happen before she can fulfil her duty.

"You know that what you did today was amazing, right?" Raleigh leans in towards her until their shoulder touch, very softy, just to be there. "You didn't just do good, Mako, you did great. There are very few pilots who would have managed to keep on fighting with a broken collarbone, especially considering that it was your first real combat."

She wants to say something, but she doesn't have the words. Not in English, not in Japanese, not in any language.

"You can be proud of yourself." He nudges her uninjured arm, very gently as to not upset her collarbone, and forces her to look at him. "We all are. Tonight you protected Hong Kong and saved millions of people. Don't beat yourself up about something you had no influence on. That plating could have hit me just as well as you."

Mako bites her lip, because she can feel an echo of Raleigh's feelings over the leftover drift, and it tells her that he means it, truly and honestly means it. She did good. It's still hard to believe that sitting in an infirmary bed with a her arm in a sling, unable to fight again.

"Want to get out of here?" Raleigh asks with a smile and offers up the clothes he's still holding. "I'm sure it drives you crazy to just sit here."

She sighs. "I still have to get cleared, or Sensei will drag me right back. I'm waiting for the nurse to come back."

Raleigh snorts. "Maybe she got lost."

Mako can't help the answering twitch of her lips. Then she turns serious and looks at him. "Who will be your co-pilot for Operation Pitfall?"

He shrugs. "I don't know."

"You have to do a trial with Chuck." Mako says, although it pains her to admit by that request that she won't be the one to be in the Conn-Pod with Raleigh for Operation Pitfall. She knows that she can't pilot a Jaeger with a broken collarbone, and the mission is more important than her desire to fight that final battle. So she swallows her pain and pushes Raleigh in the only direction he can go, no matter how reluctant he is.

"He's an arrogant prick." Raleigh just says, mouth turned down at the corners. 

"You are drift compatible." Mako doesn't make it a question. She knew when she saw them fighting in the hallway in front of Sensei's office. She even suspects that they're a perfect match, but she has not addressed that matter with anybody yet, and she wants to be sure of it before she does.

"So you saw that, too." He sighs and rolls his eyes. "Our little stunt in the hallway?"

Mako nods. "It was obvious."

Raleigh just pulls a face, but one look at him tells her that he knows she's right but isn't ready to admit it yet.

It's just then that Chuck comes in. It surprises Mako a bit. They have known each other for years, grew up together for a few years here and there, but Chuck hasn't been very forthcoming with concern or care for others in a long time. She sees his gaze flicker to Raleigh and she guesses that Chuck didn't expect to come across him here or he probably wouldn't have shown up.

"Hey." he says, and Mako can see in his face that he's considering leaving again for a long moment, but then he steps into the room. "Heard you were injured." 

"I broke the collarbone." Mako tells him and watches him standing a little awkwardly in the middle of the room, as if he can't quite decide to stay or to leave.

He nods, mouth pressed to a thin line. He's pointedly not looking at Raleigh. "I'm sorry."

"Thank you, Chuck." Mako bows her head and gives him a smile. He's changing, she thinks. A month ago, he wouldn't have shown up in the med bay for her. 

He nods, still awkward. Mako can feel Raleigh's amusement at the situation over their ghost drift and wants to slap him upside the head. This is a huge progress for Chuck, so Raleigh had better not do something stupid.

Raleigh clears his throat, as if he feels her chiding thoughts, and gets up. "I'm going to look for the nurse so that you can get out of here."

"Yeah, I have to go as well. I was just checking on you, so..." Chuck takes the opportunity to get out of there without losing his face, and with a last nod follows Raleigh out of the room.

Mako follows them with her gaze. They are the only two qualified pilots, and she knows that they're drift compatible. If they just managed to see beyond their animosity, they would be really good together. Better than her and Raleigh were in the Conn-Pod, she admits, although it pains her. She and Raleigh have very high compatibility, but they're not a perfect match.

Raleigh disappears around the corner, and Chuck resolutely goes the opposite way, no matter that it's the wrong direction and he knows it. Mako sighs deeply and barely resists the urge to roll her eyes. 

She'll have to talk to Sensei about it. Those two won't find the right way on their own.


	20. Trial (Chuck/Raleigh)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During their first drift test, Raleigh takes the opportunity to show Chuck _exactly_ why he had left after Yancy's death. Maybe it's a little bit of a revenge, too.

_Hong Kong Shatterdome, January 9th 2025_

 

It's six am, and Raleigh feels as if he's experiencing a deja-vu. He's standing in the Kwoon Combat Room, at the edge of the sparring mats, hanbō in his hand. A good deal of onlookers have gathered around the ring. He can even make out the Kaidonovskys among the spectators, Sasha with a huge bandage around the head and Aleksis with his arm in a cast. They're both sitting on a bench, with tells him a lot about their condition. There's low murmuring filling the room; people are curious about the coming fight.

Opposite of Raleigh, at the other end of the ring, stands Chuck.

Raleigh can't believe that he actually has to do a drift compatibility trial with Chuck fucking Hansen. Pentecost and Herc just decided that they are to pilot together if they're drift compatible - which Raleigh is aware they know is the case, so this is just a formality, really. They didn't even ask Raleigh, and he's still pissed about that. Well, at least Chuck hasn't been asked either, judging by the grumpy look on his face.

Mako stands with Pentecost and Herc on the steps leading to the Kwoon. She doesn't have her usually omnipresent tablet with her since she can't hold it with her arm in a sling, so instead Herc has it, ready to type in their scores, probably along with all kind of notes. Raleigh has the inkling that Mako was pretty involved in getting Pentecost to have Chuck and him to do a trial. He wants to resent her for it, but he knows how much it hurts her that she can't go herself, and therefore how much it must cost her to actively pursue a replacement for herself in Gipsy's Conn-Pod. She's a strong woman, but then, Raleigh already knew that before they drifted together. 

"Four strikes marks a win." Herc says loudly into the room, not addressing anybody in particular. It's not really necessary, everybody knows the rules, but it has become a tradition to say those exact words before the beginning of an official trial. Right on cue the curious spectators fall silent and focus their attention on the two men on the sparring mats. 

Chuck sets his shoes down just outside the mats, exactly like Raleigh did a few minutes ago, and takes up position opposite of him. He looks hot in his navy blue tank top, the muscles of his arms flexing when he handles the hanbō, his feet bare. Raleigh noticed his rugged good looks at their first meeting, and he would have been tempted if Chuck wasn't such a complete asshole right from the beginning. It's as if he doesn't want people to like him, Raleigh thinks. Or maybe he really just _is_ a total jerk.

For a long moment, they just stand there, staring each other down. Raleigh can see a muscle twitch in Chuck's neck, but his gaze is firm and doesn't waver. Out of nowhere he lurches and attacks Raleigh's side, but it's as if Raleigh knew before he even moved what he was going to do, where he was going to aim. It's there again, that connection he felt in the hallway in front of the Marshal's office. It swirls around him, no, around _them_ , and it takes him no effort to parry the hit and seamlessly turn his defence in an attack of his own.

This time it's Chuck who counters the move almost before Raleigh can execute it. He feels his hanbō impact hard with Chuck's, once, twice, three times. Back and forth, offence and defence, coordinated as if it was a staged fight with a sequence of moves determined in advance. It's not, though, it just comes naturally. Raleigh doesn't even have to think about it, he just _feels_ it, this perfect sync with Chuck. It's a little like a drift hangover, but it's also very different. On a completely different level. 

It feels like they're flying over the mats in a flurry of moves too fast to follow. Sweat runs down Raleigh's forehead, almost into his eyes, and he takes a second to wipe it away. Chuck's face is red with exertion and he's panting like Raleigh is. Just in that moment it hits Raleigh that they even _stop_ fighting in sync - he notices it because he's quite sure that Chuck is not the kind of fighter who would normally miss such a great opportunity to attack. As soon as Raleigh's in the game again, Chuck is right there with him.

Time loses its meaning. The only thing Raleigh sees, hears, feels is the movements of his body, of Chuck's body, their synchronised breathing, their unbroken eye contact. The world narrows down on them and their fight. It makes him feel high, and maybe that's the adrenaline speaking, but he can't stop taking a strange, almost pure kind of pleasure in their fight. He knows it won't end anytime soon, and he's surprised to find that he doesn't mind. Neither he nor Chuck have managed to score so far.

He can't say how long they've been at it when Herc's voice cuts through the haze he's in. It feels almost like a violation of their... _privacy_ to be reminded that there are other people in the room with them.

"All right, guys! We call it a draw." Herc nods at both of them, so does Pentecost who's standing right next to him. "Well done." 

There is an awed silence filling the Kwoon. They all know what they've just witnessed, because they have seen it before, whenever they watched Sasha and Aleksis Kaidonovsky spar. A perfect match at it's best. It's an unspoken understanding that the fight wouldn't have ended on its own, that's why Herc called it off. It's all they need do see anyway. They have their answer.

"Be in the simulator in two hours. We'll run a drift test then." Pentecost orders before he turns and leaves the Kwoon, Herc following him while Mako stays behind. Next to him, Raleigh can hear Chuck growl in displeasure. Suddenly the haze is gone, and Raleigh remembers that it's Chuck the arrogant asshole he's supposed to drift with in an hour.

Great. Raleigh suppresses an annoyed sigh. His one and only wish, to get in that prick's head and have him in his own. Maybe he should just have let Chuck beat him and pretend that there is no drift compatibility.

Mako throws him a warning glance, and he wonders how much she still picks up over the ghost drift. He remembers the feeling only too well from his years of drifting with Yancy. It was especially strong and unsettling after their very first two or three drifts. Mako's still in that stage.

Raleigh turns to look at Chuck, but the only thing he sees is his back disappearing among the dispersing crowd of onlookers. Raleigh stares after the ginger head he can make out easily enough among the other people and lets out a frustrated breath. That drift is going to be so much fun, he thinks with a sigh.

Mako is waiting for him by his shoes at the edge of the ring. She doesn't set foot on it because she's wearing her boots, instead she's waiting for him to come to her. Raleigh crosses the mats and bends down to put on his boots, glancing up at her. He knows she has something to say, he could tell even without the faint echo of the drift hangover.

"You are a perfect match." Mako says quietly. Her uninjured hand is playing with the sleeve of her J-Tech overall, and Raleigh knows she's missing having her tablet in her hands. He sometimes thinks it's her own personal shield against the world, her way to keep control.

Raleigh sighs heavily. "Don't I know."

"There are only four other perfect matches known out of over forty pilot teams. It is a very rare gift, Raleigh." Mako looks down to where he's still kneeling and fastening his boots, and waits for him to get up before she continues speaking. "You are very lucky to have found your perfect match. Don't ruin it because you think you don't like him."

Raleigh shrugs uncomfortably. "Well, you can hardly deny that he behaves like a complete dick."

Mako inclines her head as if she's granting him that he has a point. "Maybe. But you don't know Chuck. Don't give up on him just yet. Give this a chance."

The echoes of emotions, really deep emotions, coming over the faint, remaining drift tell Raleigh that Mako would have done anything to have a perfect match. But it's not something you have any influence on - some pilots have one, others don't or they just never meet. Sometimes you meet that person, but they're not a Ranger. There are many reasons why perfectly matched pilot teams are the exception, not the rule.

And Raleigh has been granted this special gift. She doesn't want him to throw it away over a first impression gone wrong. Well, the second and third and fourth impression haven't been any better, Raleigh thinks wryly, but he gives in, seeing her point.

"I'll give him a chance." Raleigh agrees with a pensive nod, then he smirks at her. "But you better tell him the same thing, because if he doesn't make an effort to be less of a prick, we'll be going nowhere together. Especially not in a Jaeger." 

Mako gives him a little smile. "I intended to talk to Chuck, too."

"Good luck with that." Raleigh gently pats her uninjured shoulder before he turns to head for the showers. "If you don't show up for the drift test, I know he bit your head off."

He hears Mako chuckle behind him when he leaves. He wants to wash up a bit after the trial because he feels sweaty and a bit sore, nothing that a hot shower won't cure. And then he intends to grab some breakfast before it's time to head to the drivesuit room to suit up before the simulation. Busy morning.

By the time he gets to the drivesuit room, he managed to get everything done that he has wanted to do - including the rather satisfyingly big breakfast. Raleigh isn't surprised to find Chuck already there and the techs working on his drivesuit. He may not like Chuck very much, but Raleigh respects his professionalism. Chuck is nothing if not perfectionist where it concerns his job. At least one thing about him that isn't a flaw, Raleigh thinks and is immediately grateful that Mako is nowhere nearby to listen in on his thoughts and give him that chiding gaze she has down to perfection.

Chuck gives him only a passing glance when he enters, otherwise he completely ignores Raleigh. What a promising start for a first drift, Raleigh thinks with a barely suppressed snort while the techs begin to help him suit up. The circuitry suit comes first, then the pieces of the battle armour. It's a a drill that's so familiar that it has an almost calming effect on Raleigh. He always liked suiting up. 

They walk into the Conn-Pod together, and before Raleigh can even suggest that he'd take the right harness due to his messed up left arm, Chuck heads for the left side on his own and claims it without even saying a word. Raleigh wonders if that was some kind of success on Mako's part, if Chuck really took Raleigh's arm in consideration or if he's simply used to pilot on the left side. Probably the latter, he muses. 

They step in and get connected to their harnesses just as Tendo's voice comes over the comm. "Good morning, gentlemen."

"Tendo. Good to know it'll be you torturing us." Raleigh replies with a smirk.

"It will be my pleasure, Becket boy." He can hear the grin in Tendo's voice. "I have something special for the two of you."

"I'm sure you spent all day creating a nice scenario for us." 

A chuckle comes over the comm. "Oh, you know me too well, Becket boy."

There's a moment of silence, then Tendo is back, sounding all professional and down to business. It lets Raleigh know right away that the Marshal has joined Tendo in the simulator's LOCCENT equivalent. "Gipsy Danger, get ready for the drop."

The techs finish connecting the suits to the harnesses and leave the simulator which looks very much like a Mark III Conn-Pod, which is why Tendo decided to pretend they're piloting Gipsy. Raleigh wonders if Chuck would rather have it look like a Mark V because a Mark III is so beneath him. 

"Ready." This time it's Chuck who takes over the communication, and Raleigh lets him. He's never been fond of the professional communication, the fun stuff is more his thing. Back when it was him and his brother piloting, it was always Yancy who took over the comm.

The simulator jerks in a really perfect illusion of the drop and Raleigh holds his balance by years of practise. 

"Cuff link confirmed." Tendo reports. "Gipsy Danger, ready to engage neural handshake?" 

Chuck is glaring at Raleigh for a second - he's just as much looking forward to this as I am, Raleigh realises - before he says curtly. "Ready."

"Initiating neural handshake."

Raleigh closes his eyes to prepare for the initialisation of the drift. He's still not quite willing to share his mind with Chuck, but he knows there's no way around it. Mako can't pilot, neither can any of the other pilots, not to mention that he's not drift compatible with any them. So if he has to do this, he will do it right. He can't help a small, slightly mean smirk.

So maybe it's a little bit out of spite, but Raleigh can't help it, he makes a point of throwing his memories of Yancy being yanked out of the Conn-Pod at Chuck the moment he feels the link between them being established. They're in a simulator - obviously nobody was willing to repeat the episode of Raleigh's and Mako's test run in Gipsy - so Raleigh knows nothing too bad can happen if they get out of alignment. He doesn't know why it's so important, but he wants Chuck to really and truly get it - with all the pain involved. Raleigh knows that he has to live through the memory himself in order to make Chuck experience it, and although he's profoundly reluctant to do so, he knows that he will.

Because Chuck, that arrogant prick, needs to understand that Raleigh didn't run. 

And then he feels it, how it hits Chuck full force, how he's drowning in all the pain and loss and helplessness that Raleigh experienced when Knifehead tore through Gipsy's Conn-Pod. How the sudden silence was so deafening that it almost killed him, worse than any physical injury could ever be. Raleigh reels with the agony of living through it again, he wants to curl up into a ball and just give up, but he fights it, just as he did back then. 

And suddenly Chuck's fighting beside him, with him, all the way back to the surface of the memories.

It takes Raleigh a moment to realise that they're on the same side, that Chuck is _with him_ , that he understands what he didn't get before. Raleigh reaches out to him unconsciously, touching his mind since his body is strapped in the simulator's harness. He wants to thank Chuck for choosing to stand by him, wants to show that he appreciates the help, the understanding he feels coming over the drift, unexpected as it is.

Instead Raleigh is hit with a flood of memories from Chuck's side. He can tell that Chuck is good at controlling his drift, yet there are things bleeding over that he is sure Chuck doesn't want him to see. There's him, a younger, cocky version of him, and there's Chuck, also younger, in his teens, and they're in a room Raleigh doesn't recognise. They're on the bed, and Raleigh is wearing nothing but his dog tags, and Chuck is right there above him, his mouth hot against Raleigh's neck. He's straddling Raleigh's waist, his erection resting hard and wet against Raleigh's stomach while he's busy biting a mark right below Raleigh's collarbone. Oh god, it feels so good, and Raleigh's breath hitches while he arches his head back to grant Chuck better access. Arousal floods his system, warm and liquid, pooling in his groin. It's not all his, it's Chuck's, too. Raleigh suddenly understands that it was his mental touch that made Chuck lose control. He did the one thing Chuck doesn't know how to deal with: touch him, but without the intent to hurt. 

The wave of memories doesn't end there. The scene shifts, the room turns into a Jaeger bay that's miraculously devoid of all the usual activity. He feels cold metal in his back, knows that Chuck has shoved him up against Striker's massive foot. There are hands on his ass, and he has his legs wrapped around Chuck's waist. They're kissing, hot and hard and messy, and Raleigh doesn't want to stop. He makes fists in Chuck's short hair and pulls him in, deepening their kiss, closing every last tiny gap between their bodies. It's when he opens his eyes to look at Chuck that he notices that they're both their current age, and Raleigh realises that this fantasy isn't an old teenage dream. 

It's recent. 

Suddenly he understands. Chuck still wants him. The him from this time, not the imaginative hero from his youth. Goosebumps spread all over Raleigh's skin, prickling against the circuitry suit, and he licks his suddenly dry lips. He's hard in his drivesuit, and the urge to get over there and touch Chuck, _right now_ , makes him twitch. He knows that the moment they're alone, he won't be able to keep from jumping Chuck. Quite literally. 

A wave of heat from Chuck tells Raleigh that he picked up on those thoughts. Good. At least Raleigh knows he's not alone in this. It's new to him, he has never shared sexual desire over the drift before. Not in the meaning of both parties actively participating in it. He'd seen Yancy with Naomi the Jaeger fly, but that wasn't directed at himself.

But with Chuck, it's different. With Chuck, it's white-hot desire, it's pent up emotions and longing, and it's all directed at _him_. It's intense, so much stronger than a normal drift. It's as if Chuck's arousal is his and his is Chuck's, a circle, amplifying itself. For a fleeting moment Raleigh wonders what it must feel like to have sex while being in the drift. He's not sure he'd survive the level of intensity at the moment of orgasm. 

A naughty thought pops up in his mind, obviously from Chuck, who lets him know that they could test it and find out. Before Raleigh can even think of an appropriate reply, the world comes back into focus. It all took only the blink of an eye, the second it takes to initiate the drift, but it feels like half a lifetime. 

"Neural handshake at 100%." Tendo reports over the comm, and it's as if his voice pulls Raleigh back into the here and now. "Now that's quite impressive, boys."

Oh god, Raleigh doesn't even want to know what the readings on Tendo's screen are showing. He hopes they're not detailed enough to let him guess what's going on in their minds right now. But Tendo will surely be able to read the state of arousal in the body status surveillance data that their drivesuits transmit.

"You okay in there?" Tendo asks when neither Raleigh nor Chuck respond. Raleigh is sure he can pick up on a teasing note in Tendo's voice. Shit, he knows. Raleigh just hopes that the Marshal isn't standing right besides him, reading the same screens. Or better even, Herc, too. He feels Chuck groan with embarrassed agony over the drift.

"We're okay." Raleigh replies, astonished how normal his voice sounds considering that he feels as if he was just in a hot and steamy make-out session. Well, it was only in his mind, after all.

A quiet rebuke comes over the drift.

Okay, _their_ mind. He isn't the 'author' of those scenarios. 

He wouldn't mind playing one of the lead roles, though. Again a wave of heat reaches him, embarrassment mixed with arousal, desire and a good deal of anticipation. He grins. Oh yeah, they will spend the rest of the day behind closed doors, that's for sure.

"Now let's start the simulation. I want to see what you can do, boys." Tendo tells them, effectively cutting short any more stimulating fantasies. The sight around them changes, and suddenly they find themselves in Victoria Harbour, right outside the Shatterdome, so to speak. It's a very convincing simulation, and Raleigh feels himself react to it immediately. So does Chuck, and Raleigh can't help noticing how in sync they are when they take up a fighting stance without even consciously thinking about it. 

It's nothing like drifting with Yancy or Mako. It's on a completely different level. It's so intense. So... _straightforward_ , for lack of a better word. There's no argument about what to do, how to do it, when to do it. They just know. They just do it.

They're one. They don't need words. Everything Raleigh and Chuck say is just for the benefit of LOCCENT. Now Raleigh knows why no Kaiju ever managed to breach the Siberian Wall. He suddenly understands the Kaidonovskys on an entirely different level.

"Gipsy Danger, we have a category four, codename Predator, on approach." Tendo sounds absolutely like he does in real emergencies, and it puts Raleigh on edge right away, makes the simulation real in a way not even the most perfect visualisation ever could. 

So he reacts like he would in an actual event - with irony. "Predator? Really?"

"It suits him." Tendo explains matter of fact. It's no secret that he likes naming Kaiju. "This is one of the biggest category fours we've ever had. He's really fast, too, so be advised to be extra careful."

"What are your orders?" Chuck asks, his mind as completely in the situation as Raleigh's.

"Hold the Miracle Mile off Hong Kong. Don't let him get anywhere near the city." Pentecost replies firmly. "We have no backup to offer, it's all down to you."

"Yes, sir." Chuck affirms, all professional. They know there's nobody left to have their back.

"Assuming that he keeps the current speed and direction, you have seven minutes to get into position." Tendo lets them know. LOCCENT's sensors have a far longer reach than the Jaeger's. 

"We're on our way." Chuck says just as they start moving. It doesn't require any coordination, they just start with the left leg at the exact same moment and make their way out of the harbour to take up their position two miles away from shore. It always pays to have a mile of buffer zone.

"LOCCENT, we're in position. We have the Kaiju on screen." Chuck ends the transmission just as Predator breaches the surface a short distance in front of them. It's an ugly thing, that Kaiju, like nothing Raleigh has ever seen before. Huge and almost plump in shape, but with a vicious looking threefold tail, six legs - or arms? - and a head that vaguely reminds Raleigh of those flying dinosaurs he was so fond of as a kid. 

_Pteranodon_ Chuck supplies over the drift right away. Raleigh can't help a smirk. Of course he would know. Tendo should have named this one 'Alien', at least the shape of the head was a better fit. A moment later Raleigh wonders if Newton the Kaiju groupie and Tendo spend their free time designing the Kaiju for the simulations, going through all the dinosaurs and monster movies they can find. It wouldn't surprise him.

"We have visuals." Chuck informs LOCCENT. "We're about to engage."

"Copy that, Gipsy."

In union Raleigh and Chuck move towards the Kaiju, going for its head extension that just begs to be grabbed. Predator is good, though, and as fast as Tendo warned them about. He ducks and attacks them, getting a hold around Gipsy's waist, and squeezing hard. They make use of the opportunity to smash Gipsy's massive hands together on both sides of its head where humans have their ears. They use all the strength they have, and the Kaiju lets go of them, roaring in pain. They loose no time, fully profiting of the moment of vulnerability, and punch his ugly face hard. Raleigh is caught in the flow of movements, of action and reaction, of attack and parry. He's amazed again at how clear the drift is, how it works without a spoken word. It's all in their mind, lightning fast and deadly precise.

Chuck is taking his cues from him, because he's never been in a Mark III before and knows that there are quite relevant differences. He's used to the reaction time, strength and speed of Striker Eureka, who was built two years later than the Mark IIIs. He knows a lot of development happened in those two years, but it's one thing to know something and an entirely different thing to have first hand experience. At first Raleigh is surprised at Chuck's willingness to follow his lead, then he realises that he should have known. Chuck is very professional when it comes to his job and puts the success of the mission ahead of his personal feelings - he would never allow defeat just because he's too proud to admit that he has to adapt to a new situation first. It's one of those mature traits that Raleigh has only just begun to see, although he knows they must have been there the entire time.

Predator goes down, disappearing under the surface. It's obvious that he's regrouping, but he's not showing on the screen. "LOCCENT, where is he?! We can't pick up his signature."

"He's coming at you from your left flank! Brace for impact!" Tendo is almost shouting, and Raleigh manages to widen his stance just as the Kaiju shoots out of the water as if propelled, and god is that bastard fast. He crashes into the Jaeger's side, Raleigh's side, and it's so strong that it takes his breath away for an incredibly long moment. Then the pain eases, unexpected, and it's Chuck taking a good deal of it over the drift to ease the load in order to keep them both functioning. 

They stagger under the onslaught, but do not fall. Instead they grab the beak-like front of Predator's head and use it to hold him steady while pummelling him repeatedly with Gipsy's massive fists. Their lower half is encased in the upper four arms-legs-whatever of the Kaiju in an uncomfortably tight grip, and just when they pull back to hit Predator again, one of the three tails snaps forward and slams into Gipsy's back, right at the spine. Once, twice, three times. One tail after the other. 

The pain is strong enough to make both Raleigh and Chuck groan. Okay, they need to get rid of those devious tails. 

"Engaging sword!" Chuck informs to LOCCENT. They're already unsheathing it, and the two seconds it takes to unleash the segments and then pull them tight into a blade is enough to be hit again. Just when the next tail comes at them, Chuck swings the blade around and cuts it off near the middle. The Kaiju screams and the arms around them tighten to the point of crushing pain.

It's not just the tails they need to get rid of, Raleigh thinks wryly. It's more like the whole Kaiju. 

Chuck smirks at the thought. _Then let's do it._

And just like that they're in motion, following Chuck's idea to reach with the sword behind Predator's back to sever all the tails at their root. They stretch and arch to get enough reach, then the Kaiju screams again, louder than before, and suddenly they can move again, the four arms opening in reflex. It's just what they had counted on, they step back just far enough to raise the right arm and plunge the sword deep into the Kaiju's abdomen. Just to make sure that the assault will be final, they turn the blade and pull it upwards. It takes all of their combined strength to slice through the flesh, and they hit bone that's almost too strong to cut through, but then the blade pulls free and there is no sound coming from Predator. That alone tells them they have done it even before Tendo can.

Thing is, Tendo doesn't tell them anything like that. He has completely different news.

"Gipsy, there's a second Kaiju heading your way!" He sounds tense, he's just as deeply in the simulation as Raleigh and Chuck. 

"You've got to be kidding me!" Chuck growls, and Raleigh feels his pissed off anger fill the drift.

Tendo continues without taking a break. "Category four as well, and just two minutes out!"

"Don't tell me you named him 'Alien'." Raleigh murmurs under his breath.

"Actually, I did." Tendo replies, the smirk obvious even if there's only audio. "Just for you." 

Raleigh can't help choking out a laugh. "How appropriate. Thank you very much, Mr Choi."

"You're welcome, Becket Boy." Tendo turns serious again. "One minute. Get ready, he's about to join the party."

"As if one Kaiju wasn't enough." Chuck growls some more, just because. Still, they're already taking up a fighting stance, sword still drawn, waiting for the next attack while the carcass of the last Kaiju is sinking to the seafloor behind them. 

"Gipsy, he's going around you! He's swimming away from you, to your right, almost half a mile and opening!"

"Tricky bastard." Raleigh frowns. These Kaiju are way more intelligent then the ones they dealt with before. Just like Leatherback and Otachi - Tendo must have written the simulation specifically for them to include yesterday's new development. A fine piece of work for not even twelve hours time.

"LOCCENT, we're in pursuit of the bogey." Chuck's words are brisk, there's no time for talking. Gipsy is running now, trying to get to the Kaiju before it makes landfall. It's a close call, and Raleigh and Chuck know it - in water, the Kaiju are in their home turf, they're fast, agile and stealthy same as they're slow, plump and very very obvious once they're on solid ground. It doesn't make them any less deadly, though, and Hong Kong is full of people, millions of people. It's not too hard to cause havoc in such a setting.

"You're closing in on him." Tendo tells them over the comm. "Keep it up and you'll get him at the shore."

"Roger that." 

Raleigh knows what Chuck is thinking, it's his own thought too, and so they strain their muscles to the extreme and gain the slightest bit of speed. They have to get to shore before Alien does. 

And they do, but only by some thirty seconds. It's enough, though, enough to take a defensive position in the harbour and block the Kaiju's path. It doesn't slow or stop, it heads straight for the Jaeger, smashing into it with all the accumulated speed of its approach. Raleigh and Chuck expected it, and positioned so that one of their feet is pressed against the harbour basin wall to give them the leverage to stop the momentum. It works just as planned, even if the wall takes heavy damage. No ship will be berthing here for quite a while.

Gipsy's hands grab a long bone extension, almost like a fin, sprouting from Alien's back and use it to force the Kaiju to turn away from the city. Alien is sleeker than Predator, but it's taller and has almost spidery long arms and two strongly muscled hind legs. Its head is small for the body, and there's a long ridge of bone standing out all along its back and tail. Raleigh is already thinking about how they can use the physical peculiarities to their advantage, and Chuck is right there with him. They both noticed the row of cranes at the harbour front, and their cables will catch perfectly in those scales. They will try to truss Alien up like a Christmas turkey, just enough to blast him into oblivion with the plasma canon. Raleigh might admit at that point that he has a thing for using cranes to beat up Kaiju.

It's like he can hear Chuck chuckle in his mind. _Let's get creative, then._

Alien's long thin front legs come up to strike at any part of Gispy it can reach. Raleigh and Chuck ignore the hits in favour of putting all their strength into pushing the Kaiju backwards towards the cranes. It takes a massive effort, the Kaiju's powerful hind legs just dig in to the silt of the harbour basin and push back. Meanwhile the legs are aiming for Gipsy's head, going after the pilots. They take two hits that shatter a section of the screen, bits and pieces are raining down the Conn-Pod and the system gives out a warning. The life support is running at full capacity, and Raleigh feels his muscles quiver with the strength it takes to keep pushing. 

Then they give in. 

It's Chuck's idea which turns into their plan right away, no need to think about it. The sudden lack of counterpressure makes the Kaiju jerk forwards, and they use the momentum to pull, turn on their own axis and throw Alien right at the cranes. It comes down hard, crashing into the structures and tearing them down, tangling in the mess of cables and beams. Raleigh and Chuck are on the move immediately, they know that it will recover fast, and they can't have that. 

They leap just when the Kaiju comes up to its feet again. It counters the attack, blocks their punch with a swing of his tail hitting Gispy in the midriff. It throws them off course, and it's a glass and steel skyscraper at the end of the harbour that stops their journey. It takes a moment to get up, but as soon as they're on their feet again, they're sprinting back towards the cranes. The Kaiju is still there, and it's satisfying to see that their plan worked - the hundreds of metres of steel cables have caught in the bone extensions on Alien's back where he can't reach them. He's behaving like an animal in a trap, twisting and turning in the attempt to get hold of the cables, and only making it worse in the process.

When the Kaiju spots them, it charges at them, no matter the precarious situation it's in, mouth wide open and aiming for their head. They can only just react, a last minute block, and the gigantic jaws close around their right arm, the teeth digging in, piercing the metal plating and damaging the mechanics. Chuck is gritting his teeth against the pain, holding his position by sheer force of will, giving Raleigh the moment he needs to engage the plasma canon. It seems to take ages before it's ready, but then they fire, once, twice, three times, four. First at the torso, then the last one to the head. It explodes in blue gore, covering Gipsy's hull, the ground, the harbour basin. It's going to be a bad case of Kaiju Blue, but right now, neither Raleigh nor Chuck care.

The massive body slumps down, almost on top of them, and the jaws loosen enough to pull free. Gipsy steps back and looks down at the headless carcass. 

"LOCCENT," Chuck sounds breathless, and he's grinning at Raleigh. "Alien is down."

Raleigh can feel the adrenaline coursing through Chuck's system, through his own system. It doubles the effect, makes Raleigh light headed, and he knows he's wearing the same huge grin on his face as Chuck. He has never felt so complete in his entire life.

"That was an impressive drift test and an unusual but very effective fighting strategy, gentlemen." Pentecost sounds satisfied for once. "Congratulation, Mr Becket and Mr Hansen, you're officially co-pilots now."

"Thank you, sir." Raleigh replies, his grin still in place. He remembers that he was opposed to drifting with Chuck even in their first seconds of actually doing it, but now he can't imagine piloting with anybody else. It's the single most amazing feeling to drift with Chuck, to think as one, to act as one, to _be_ one. 

"Great show, guys. I'd say return to base, but since you're already there, we'll cut it short." Tendo's voice reflects his good mood. "Ready to disengage neural handshake?"

Raleigh still looks at Chuck, eyes locked. _No, never._ He knows that they're both thinking it.

Chuck reaches out to the comm, never breaking the gaze. "Ready."

Usually Raleigh doesn't mind stepping out of the drift. It feels strange for the fist few minutes to be alone in your head again, but there's always the drift hangover, this faint feeling of the other person that lingers for hours afterwards, sometimes even longer. 

With Chuck, he doesn't want the drift to end.

Suddenly Chuck's gone, and it takes Raleigh a moment to find his equilibrium. It's as if somebody pulled the rug out from under his feet. He's disoriented, but it fades after a few seconds, just like he knew it would. Then the J-techs come in and undo the connections to the harnesses, and Raleigh and Chuck are on their way to the drivesuit room to get out of their gear. Mako and the Marshall are waiting right outside the simulator, and Pentecost looks pleasantly surprised.

"I didn't expect it to go quite that well, gentlemen." He greets them, a faint smile on his lips. "You exceeded all expectations. Good work."

Raleigh is stunned by the words, he's not used to praise from Pentecost, and it will always feel strange. He's still pleased. 

"Thank you, sir." He and Chuck reply in union, and that's when Raleigh first consciously notices it. Chuck's not quite gone from his head.

"Get out of your drivesuits, then you have the rest of the day off, gentlemen." Pentecost says before he turns and heads in the general direction of the real LOCCENT.

Mako stays and accompanies them to the drivesuit room. Raleigh is so caught up in the realisation that the connection to Chuck isn't entirely gone that he doesn't pay much attention to the things going on around him. He goes through the moves, stands and turns when asked, while the techs take off the battle armour. Chuck is standing next to him, undergoing the same treatment, and Raleigh can't stop staring. The neural handshake is disconnected, they're out of the simulator, but Raleigh still _feels_ Chuck. Feels how pleased he is with the way the drift test worked out, how he is proud to have received, _earned_ Pentecost's praise.

It's the strongest ghost drift Raleigh has ever experienced. 

Just to try if it works both ways, Raleigh concentrates on visualizing the memory of Chuck's fantasy of them in the Jaeger Bay, pressed against Striker's massive foot and getting quite busy. He watches Chuck first flinch and then glare at him, a rather noticeable blush spreading not only over his cheeks but also down his neck. Raleigh smirks, thinking in great detail about how he plans to find out how far down that blush reaches. 

Chuck coughs as if he's choking on something and gets a few confused looks from the techs working on freeing him of the circuitry suit. He glares at Raleigh again once he's calmed down enough to stop coughing, and it's really difficult to suppress the smug smirk. 

When Raleigh is suddenly flooded with images, no, _sensations_ of Chuck touching him from head to toe while pressing him against Striker's foot, of Chuck's hands _inside_ his pants on his butt, it's him who's fighting a coughing attack. Shit, this really is the most intense drift hangover ever, and Raleigh is very very grateful that he doesn't tend to blush.

Now it's Chuck grinning smugly at him while he's standing still and letting the techs do their work.

"That was a fantastic drift test." Mako remarks next to Raleigh, and he turns at her voice which sounds slightly embarrassed. There's a slight blush to her cheeks and she's not quite looking at him, and Raleigh can't help wondering again how much of the... _tension_ she picks up over the drift hangover with him. Her reaction suggests that it's enough that she has a pretty good idea of what they're planning to do as soon as they reach a room that locks. 

_Any_ room.


	21. Ghost Drifts and other Goodies (Chuck/Raleigh)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They never make it to Raleigh's quarters. In fact, their trip to privacy ends in the showers that belong to the drivesuit room.

_Hong Kong Shatterdome, January 9th 2025_

 

The tension is almost unbearable. 

Chuck has to force himself not to move while the technicians mill around him, removing the battle armour piece by piece. Were there always so many pieces? How is it possible that he never noticed before how long it takes to get them off? Chuck grits his teeth. Never before as it taken him so much effort to hold still.

The reason for his restlessness is standing right beside him, just an arm's length or two away. With a smug smile tugging at his lips. And Chuck knows exactly why. He can _feel_ it.

It really is a hell of a drift hangover. 

Their mission in the simulator was not only a success - Chuck still remembers Pentecost telling them that they had surpassed all expectations - and proved Chuck's and Raleigh's drift compatibility without a doubt, it also left Chuck with a massive craving to touch Raleigh. Just three hours ago he couldn't stand the guy, and now he wants to shove him against the next vertical surface and devour him. That's quite a change in direction for just one drift. 

The only thing that keeps Chuck from freaking out - Raleigh saw all those highly embarrassing fantasies, after all, and not only the ones from his teenager days which Chuck could have dismissed as hormonal imbalance - is that he is still so deeply connected to Raleigh, even after the neural handshake was disengaged, that he _knows_ without a doubt that Raleigh is going through the same process he is. Complete with the one-eighty of his opinion about Chuck, and the rather forceful desire to get his hands on Chuck. It's strange to feel that through the ghost drift, but it's also very, very reassuring.

Not to mention that it's fun to try out how much detail their connection conveys - images work better than words, Chuck found out - and wait for Raleigh's reaction. Of course the drawback is that it's a two-way street and Raleigh has come up with the same idea and is currently testing it on Chuck. There are images popping up in Chuck's mind of Raleigh nipping and licking down his throat on his quest to find out how deep his blush goes. Quite deep, Chuck knows, and that's when the Raleigh in his head sinks to his knees in front of Chuck. 

It makes Chuck choke and then cough hard, and he throws a glare at Raleigh who's looking him square in the eyes. There's a rather smug grin on his face that let's Chuck know he sent this... _imagery_ on purpose. 

Well, two can play this game.

Chuck turns around when the tech asks him, but never stops conjuring up all the things he fantasized about. He concentrates on the feeling of Raleigh's legs wrapped around his waist while Chuck shoves him hard against Striker's foot. The warmth of skin on skin where Raleigh is pressed against him, their naked torsos touching. The perfect shape of Raleigh's butt in his hands, where he has pushed them underneath Raleigh's combat pants, feeling his hot flesh against his palms. Raleigh's fingers in his hair, making fists and pulling none too gentle, driving Chuck crazy. Raleigh's lips on his, his tongue deep in Chuck's mouth, hot and fierce and demanding...

It's rather satisfying to hear Raleigh stutter behind him.

Mako chooses that moment to talk to Raleigh, but she's not looking at him. The quick glance she throws at Chuck - and which he catches by total chance - is enough to let him know that she picks up on their little game. It must be her own drift hangover from the drift with Raleigh just yesterday, and it makes Chuck cringe with embarrassment. As if it's not enough that Raleigh saw his fantasies, he really _really_ doesn't want Mako knowing them. They may not have been that close in the last year or two, but they did spent a few years growing up together, and she's like a sister to him. And you don't want to share your naughty thoughts with your sister, especially when they concern her former co-pilot who also happens to be a her best friend. It's just... no.

They're his thoughts. His and Raleigh's, and Chuck doesn't want to share them with anybody else at all. End of story.

Mako decides that it's best to beat a tactful retreat, and Chuck is infinitely grateful for her talent to do the right thing at the right time. He guesses that it's more likely that she doesn't want to be there to witness - even in passing over the drift hangover with Raleigh - what they're up to as soon as they get some privacy. 

When the techs begin to undo the circuit suits, Chuck feels his anticipation climb proportionally to his inner tension. He knows Raleigh and he will be stripped down to the speedo-like underwear which is specifically designed to go under the drivesuit of male pilots. The transmission of impulses works only through circuits on bare skin, and there are access points at the hips, the thighs and the lower back. So no boxer briefs under a drivesuit. It was one of the unpleasant things he had to get used to, because he still doesn't like parading around in front of the entire J-Tech team in a teeny tiny piece of fabric that does barely even deserve the term underwear. But there's no modesty around the drivesuit team, and he learned to ignore it same as they do.

But now that Chuck sees Raleigh in the loathed piece of clothing, he abruptly changes his mind. He _loves_ that underwear. He has never paid it much attention on other pilots - because who wants to see their _dad_ wear nothing but a near thong - but he decides that he will make good use of the opportunity now. The two techs working on Raleigh just helped him step out of the legs of the circuitry suit - after his first time in a drivesuit Chuck insisted on doing it on his own, and he landed flat on his arse. Ever since he's learned to let the techs do their job and help him. Raleigh obviously learned that too, and the most interesting part is that he has to bend over in order to get his feet out - and suddenly Chuck has an excellent view of his sparsely clad backside. 

He lets his gaze travel all the way down from Raleigh's trained back with the strong shoulders and the muscular arms to his narrow waist. The brownish lines of the circuitry burns on his skin are strangely beautiful to Chuck's eyes, they mark him in a very personal and intriguing way, and Chuck has to fight the urge to step up to Raleigh and let his fingers trail along the paths they take. Down his left arm, down his left side, disappearing under the thin strap of the speedo, coming out on his flanks, his hips - and his very tempting, perfectly rounded arse.

Chuck gulps and has to lick his suddenly dry lips, forcing himself to look away because he's terrified that he will sport a massive boner right here in front of the entire drivesuit team while wearing a piece of underwear that is most definitely _not_ designed to take the strain. When he looks at Raleigh - only his face this time, because he has turned around and there are things that Chuck will _not_ look at with that many people in the room - Chuck can read in his eyes _and_ feel in their connection that Raleigh has picked up on his train of thoughts. The entire thing. There's a little satisfied smile on his lips that he doesn't bother to hide.

He also doesn't hide the fact that he is indeed checking out Chuck when the techs strip the last bit of circuitry suit off him and leave him standing in the middle of the drive suit room in his tiny speedo. Chuck feels his gaze like a physical caress, and the images Raleigh is sending him of his hands on Chuck's pale skin, of his fingers trailing along his arms, his stomach, the edge of the speedo, don't help Chuck to retain his composure. He's never been as glad as today to be dismissed and head to the showers that belong to the drivesuit room. They're usually for decontamination, but today it's only to get rid of the sweat and the relay gel residue. He needs to get away from all the people, needs to have Raleigh all to himself, with no prying eyes.

So of course he should have known that they would never make it to Raleigh's quarters. In fact, their trip to privacy ends in the decontamination showers. It's not even a room that locks. It doesn't matter.

There's so much tension between them that the air feels charged with it and Chuck gets it now, what his dad meant when he said that nothing compares to drifting with your perfect match. It's so intense that nothing could even come close.

Chuck walks in front of Raleigh because the corridor leading from the drivesuit room to the showers' changing room is too narrow to allow two grown-up men to walk next to each other comfortably. He can tell that Raleigh is checking him out and he can feel his appreciation over the ghost drift. Still, Chuck can't help moving a little briskly. He's a tad nervous along with the anticipation brimming right under the surface. Not that he would admit it aloud, but he knows Raleigh feels it over the drift hangover. 

The thing is, Chuck just knows that he _wants_ Raleigh, all the way, even if he's not entirely clear about the mechanics. Well, in theory he is - there are books, videos, the internet... and he did spend some time 'researching' when he was a teenager, he has just no first hand experience. One of the huge disadvantages of growing up as a Shatterdome kid with the sole aim of becoming a Jaeger pilot, the best Ranger ever, is that it leaves very little time or opportunity for the usual teenage exploration and discovery tours. 

Chuck's not untouched - he was curious enough to find _some_ time for it - but he's never gone the whole way, neither with a girl nor a boy. He never got why he should limit himself to only one gender - they're totally different after all, and you wouldn't stop drinking tea just because you like coffee, right? His dad had laughed out loud when fifteen year old Chuck had explained the concept with those exact words, and then Herc had agreed with a smirk. But finding somebody to actually sleep with seemed like too much effort to bother back then, because the Jaeger bay was way more interesting than the stupid hormonal drama Chuck witnessed in other kids his age. He never quite got it anyway, all these feelings. Jaegers were more his thing.

When they get to the benches on which their clothes are still sitting in neatly folded piles, Chuck feels Raleigh stop behind him although there's enough distance between them that he shouldn't be able to feel it physically. Yet he does, and it causes a shiver to run down his back, leaving goosebumps in its wake and making his nipples harden all on their own. His speedo gets uncomfortably tight and he can't wait to get it off. And Raleigh's, too, he thinks with a smirk.

It falters when there's suddenly a finger touching the back of his neck and slowly trailing down his spine. It's just that one finger, nothing more, but it makes Chuck suck in a surprised breath and he can't help leaning into the touch ever so slightly. The fingertip slides lower and lower and only stops when it gets to his underwear. It's joined by a second finger then, both trailing along the waistband of the speedo, each to one side, making their way to the front, slow and teasing and with definite purpose. 

But instead of touching Chuck where he wants it, the hands splay out over his stomach and wander up his torso, finding the hard nubs of his nipples and teasing them mercilessly. Raleigh takes that final step closer and is suddenly plastered against Chuck's back, literally from head to toe, his skin incredibly hot against Chuck's, his arms enclosing Chuck's torso, his legs pressing against the back of Chuck's thighs and the bulge barely covered by his drivesuit underwear nestling against Chuck's arse like a challenge.

Chuck is more than happy to accept it. He pushes backwards while twisting his hips, rubbing against Raleigh's erection with just enough force to make him gasp. There's a shudder going through his body and his grip on Chuck tightens instinctively, as if his reaction is beyond his control. Chuck can't help the low chuckle that escapes him at feeling Raleigh's mind go blank for a moment. He loves the effect he has on Raleigh, how strongly he reacts to Chuck's touches. It's like a drug, and Chuck wants to find out if he can make Raleigh lose it entirely. Over the ghost drift he can feel Raleigh's excitement at that idea. Consequently Chuck rubs against Raleigh again, just to prove his point.

Raleigh shudders again and bends his head to press his lips against Chuck's neck, open-mouthed and biting down just short of painful. At the same time his right hand wanders down and slides underneath the fabric of Chuck's speedo with singleminded determination. The fingers first card through the coarse pubic hair - he hears Raleigh hum appreciatively and mumble something along the lines of 'a true ginger' - and then they wrap around Chuck's erection that's been tenting his underwear for the past fifteen minutes. 

It's like a shock to Chuck's system, doubled by the very strange effect of feeling not only his own pleasure, but also an echo of Raleigh's. It's not nearly as strong as it was during the drift, but it's enough to make him groan while arching his back and thrusting instinctively into Raleigh's fist. The grip tightens, almost too much, but Chuck find himself thrusting again, meeting Raleigh's perfectly timed jerking. Oh gosh oh gosh oh gosh, good, so good, more, faster, yes, like that... Chuck's not consciously aware of thinking those words, but he does realise Raleigh is following them, and maybe Chuck isn't thinking them, maybe he's uttering them and doesn't even notice, or Raleigh just _knows_ them and damn, this drift hangover is just awesome.

Chuck's head has fallen back, resting on Raleigh's shoulder who's almost the same height and therefore perfect to lean against. Chuck's mouth is agape and he can't hold back the mindless noises he's making while he's thrusting into Raleigh's fist and then pushing back against the bulge in Raleigh's speedo. He knows he should be embarrassed but he can't really care, not with a hand down his underwear and the feedback of Raleigh's pleasure humming in his mind. 

"Shower?" Raleigh mumbles against the neck he's still nipping, his breath hot against Chuck's oversensitive skin. 

"It's what we came here for." Chuck has to really concentrate to form proper sentences. It takes almost too much effort to bother speaking at all - he'd rather kiss Raleigh than waste his strength on talking. That reminds him, he still hasn't done that yet. Kiss Raleigh.

Raleigh just chuckles. "Are you so sure it's the shower we came here for?"

"Well," Chuck admits, rather distracted by the fingers now working his erection in a teasingly slow rhythm, "it was part of the reason."

"I personally just wanted to get you alone." Raleigh admits while licking a path up to Chuck's earlobe, obviously not embarrassed at all to say such things. "But we could really do with a shower."

"Agreed." Chuck's all for getting naked, after all, and showering means removing the drivesuit underwear. Not that it's much in the way of clothes, but still. He turns around, already missing Raleigh's hand on him, and makes short work of his speedo, then he reaches for Raleigh's and pulls it down without a moment of hesitation. He figures they're beyond false modesty and _way_ beyond personal boundaries and awkward embarrassment. Raleigh already had his hand down Chuck's underwear, after all. 

Now Raleigh is smirking while he's stepping out of the discarded speedo, never breaking the gaze even when Chuck takes his hands to pull him along into one of the shower stalls. Chuck heads for the nearest one and hits the on button, pulling Raleigh under the hot spray with him. No point in using two showers, after all. He doesn't intend to be separated from Raleigh's skin for more than a centimetre anyway.

Suddenly Chuck is overwhelmed by the urge, the _craving_ to know what Raleigh tastes like. He doesn't think twice, he just takes hold of Raleigh's face and pulls him close until he can feel his lips under his own, warm and a little chapped. Raleigh opens for him immediately and groans into Chuck's mouth, his hands on Chuck's waist grip tighter, press their bodies closer together and then he's melting against Chuck. It's like he's controlled by a passion that's so strong that it engulfs Chuck along with him, and Chuck sees no point in defying it.

At that precise moment Chuck feels something shift between them, as if a last barrier came down, all shields gone. He's turning them around has Raleigh shoved against the wall before he's even thought about it, his left hand buried in Raleigh's wet hair while his right is grabbing his butt. He's pressed against Raleigh from head to toe, one thigh pushed between his legs, rubbing against his rock hard erection. Raleigh groans into Chuck's mouth, his hands roaming all over Chuck, touching, grabbing, caressing every bit of skin he can reach without letting go of his lips. The feedback of Raleigh's mindless desire coming over the ghost drift is almost blinding Chuck with its intensity. It's as if Raleigh gave up on all restraints and allows his passion, his desire, his cravings to run free, all exposed for Chuck to see, not afraid at all. 

It's mind boggling, and Chuck wants it all. Raleigh moves against him, bucking his hips, aiming for more friction, his tongue meeting Chuck's, caressing, teasing, chasing it into Chuck's mouth just to bait it into his own. It's like a duel but without the malicious intent, and Chuck knows he'll never tire of it. The low noises Raleigh is making register unconsciously, making Chuck's skin prickle because he never expected Raleigh to be this open, this responsive, this _eager_.

Time to see if he can make Raleigh lose it. 

Chuck smirks into the kiss, then he reaches down, trailing his hand over hard nipples and along ridiculously defined abs. He doesn't hesitate to close his fist around Raleigh's erection, his grip tight and sure and his movements calculated. He's comfortable with this, it's not unknown territory for him. He knows what he's doing, and he intends to use it all on Raleigh - who has broken their kiss to lean his head back against the wall, groaning appreciatively, his hips thrusting instinctively. His throat is bared, the elegant line so tempting that Chuck can't resist to lean in and lick along the side, then he closes his mouth over the skin right below the collarbone and bites down. 

"Chuck!" Raleigh gasps, followed by a rather loud moan, and he arches into Chuck. The way he growls Chuck's name does thing to him he can't put in words, but he's sure Raleigh feels them over the ghost drift anyway. The hands on Chuck's arse dig almost painfully into his flesh, but Chuck wouldn't want it any other way. Raleigh has spread his legs and is pressing down on the thigh Chuck has pushed between his legs, all the while thrusting into Chuck's fist. He's panting and his eyes are closed, and Chuck relishes in the ecstasy that bleeds over their drift hangover. He speeds up his rhythm and twists his wrist, and Raleigh groans again before his hand shoots out and closes over Chuck's, effectively stopping any motion.

Chuck's head jerks up in mild surprise. Raleigh is leaning heavily against the wall and looks at him, mouth agape and his gaze dazed, lips swollen from their kisses. His wet hair is messed up from Chuck's hands, his skin flushed and glistering with the hot water of the shower, the circuitry scars geometric dark lines on his left shoulder, side and hip. He looks so deliciously debauched, and it's sexy as hell. Chuck can't look away.

Raleigh licks his lips, his gaze wandering over Chuck's face, his chest, his abdomen, back to his face. He simply keeps looking at Chuck for a while, the fingers of his free hand slowly drawing a mindless pattern on Chuck's skin. His other hand is still covering Chuck's where it's wrapped around Raleigh's leaking erection between their bodies, and they're almost pressed together at the groin.

"How far do you want to go?" Raleigh's voice is dark and rough when asks the question out loud although he doesn't have to. Chuck feels, _knows_ what he's going to ask. It makes it real, though, hearing the words.

"All the way." Chuck doesn't need to think about it because he knows that nothing else will be enough to satisfy this intense craving he feels with every fibre of his being. And as his dad always says, if you've got a shot, you take it. He's pretty certain this qualifies as a shot. 

"Who gets to...?" Chuck's not quite sure how to phrase that question without sounding like a total idiot, but in the end he doesn't have to ask at all - Raleigh already knows what he's talking about.

"I don't care," Raleigh leans in, nuzzling his neck. "You tell me. We'll just switch next time."

Chuck can't help the grin spreading over his face. "Works for me."

He's curious, he wants to know what it would be like to feel Raleigh _inside_ him, to feel him move and come deep inside him. For a moment Chuck thinks that he should be put out by his wish, his _desire_ to bottom for Raleigh, that he should instead be the top, but he finds that he completely and absolutely doesn't care. Maybe it's the ghost drift that lets him know that Raleigh has no intention to actually dominate him as a person. Maybe it's also the clear feeling of anticipation that he can detect in their connection when Raleigh mentions that they'll switch next time. 

Chuck suddenly gets it. This entire relationship is about being equal - the very foundation of a perfect match is their total equality. Each with their own strengths and weaknesses which even out overall.

It's what tips the scale for him in the end.

Chuck turns his head so that he can speak directly in Raleigh's ear. "I want you to take me. Right here in the shower."

Raleigh lets go of Chuck's neck and pulls back just enough to look at him. He nods, his mouth slightly open as if in awe, and there's a heat in his eyes that tells Chuck more than any words could have. He feels it over their connection as well, and it fuels his own arousal. 

"You know what you're doing." It's not really a question because Chuck knows that Raleigh has done this before. He saw it in the drift at the end of the simulation, only an impression here and there, but he's certain that Raleigh is not doing this for the first time. Neither as the active part nor on the receiving end. Which is good, because Chuck hasn't gone beyond this point yet.

Raleigh nods again and smiles, a mischievous edge to it. "I know what I'm doing. And I'll make sure you learn what to do for when it's my turn."

Chuck feels a blush spreading over his cheeks. Really now? After all the things they've already done, all the things they're just about to do, and he blushes over Raleigh telling him that he'll teach Chuck how to fuck him? It's kind of ridiculous considering that he has his hands wrapped around Raleigh's dick _right now_ , but Chuck can't help it.

Raleigh's smirk widens into a grin. "Let's get started, then. First and most important step: proper preparation, best served with tons of pleasure."

Chuck can't help chuckling, the sound drowned in Raleigh's mouth when he pulls Chuck in to devour him again. His hand lets go of Chuck's in order to wander all over his naked, wet skin, up to his shoulder and then down his back to his butt. Chuck feels how they take hold, a firm, massaging grip, and then he's pulled forwards until their erections touch, rubbing against each other, trapped between their bodies. He moans and allows his head to fall forwards until his forehead rests on Raleigh's shoulder. 

He can feel Raleigh spreading his cheeks, one hand sliding even lower, and then there's a finger passing over Chuck's hole with a teasingly soft touch. For a moment Chuck has the urge to stiffen up and freeze, but before he can give in, the finger has moved on further and is pressing right behind his balls. That's when Chuck loses all intention to freeze. There's a spike of pleasure shooting through him, leaving goosebumps behind all over his body, and Chuck spreads his legs wider and instinctively presses back against that finger. It curls and strokes him again, and the pleasure intensifies.

Right next to his ear Chuck can hear Raleigh chuckle. "Told you any preparation should be accompanied by pleasure."

Chuck doesn't bother answering, he just bucks his hips, alternately rubbing against Raleigh's thigh and pressing onto his finger. He feels Raleigh reach out blindly for the bottle of shampoo on the rack next to them and hears him rummaging around trying to grab it, but he doesn't pay it too much attention. He's too invested in the feeling of Raleigh's finger teasingly rubbing that spot behind his balls that makes him gasp and press into every touch. It's also very distracting that Raleigh's mouth never leaves his, sometimes nipping on his lips, sometimes engaging him in full on deep, wet kisses.

There's the sound of a bottle's cap popping and Chuck feels the slightly cool shampoo on his lower back. Raleigh definitely doesn't save on the amount he's using, but Chuck doesn't feel like commenting on it. He's too focussed on the other hand coming into play. While one keeps at its most pleasurable stimulation, playing with Chuck's balls, pressing behind them, touching his dick, the other hand moves back to his arse. There's the strange sensation of a finger passing over Chuck's hole with slow, gentle movements and only very little pressure, spreading the shampoo and letting him get use to the feeling. Chuck doesn't concentrate on it, he's too distracted by all the other things Raleigh is doing to him. 

The finger pressing into him only registers when it's already inside, only to the first knuckle and pulling out again to take on more of the improvised lube. The second time feels just as weird. It's new but not necessarily bad. Raleigh plunges his tongue deep inside Chuck's mouth in a obvious diversionary tactic that Chuck's only too willing to go for. The finger inside him pushes in deeper, slowly, always pulling out and coming back with more lube. Then it's all in and curls and Chuck finds himself breaking their kiss to arch his back and shout out in sudden ecstasy. There's a massive wave of mind blowing pleasure crashing over him, leaving him panting and shivering and instinctively pushing back onto Raleigh's finger. 

Before he can recover, Raleigh hits that same spot again and Chuck is beginning to see stars. Why the heck did he never bother with this before? God, he missed out on tons of fun as a teenager.

The only thing Chuck can think about is that this is going to be even better once it's Raleigh's dick hitting his prostate. He wants it now, tries to tell Raleigh so, but he only shakes his head, murmuring something along the lines of 'we're not done preparing yet'. It annoys Chuck, he feels ready, but then Raleigh adds a second finger and it registers with a slow burn. There's suddenly more shampoo and Raleigh keeps more or less gently biting Chuck's neck while he goes through the slow process of inserting his second fingers. It drives Chuck crazy, the feeling of Raleigh's fingers curling and scissoring inside him, stretching him, and still always teasing. The hand on his erection has never stopped moving either, and Chuck's not sure how long he can endure this without coming. 

He's distinctly aware of the third finger because Raleigh gives him a long time to get used to it while never ceasing his other ministrations. It's very clear that he knows what he's doing, but Chuck couldn't care less. He's sure he lost his higher brain functions shortly after Raleigh first hit his prostate. Then, with one swift move, Raleigh turns them around so that it's Chuck who's resting with his back against the tiles of the shower stall's wall. They're warm from Raleigh's body heat and the hot water that's still raining down on them, making their skin slick and soft. 

Chuck feels the fingers retreating, and he is caught between the uncomfortable feeling of being left empty and the relief that now he's finally going to get what he wants. Gosh, he's so ready, he won't get any more ready than this. He's about to turn around to get into position when Raleigh takes hold of his shoulders and stops him mid motion. 

"Want to see you." His voice is low and hoarse, his eyes burn with intensity. It makes a shiver run down Chuck's spine, and the only thing he can do is nod. He's still wondering how that's supposed to work without a bed when Raleigh crowds him against the wall of the shower stall. His hands slide down Chuck's sides to settle on the back of his thighs and then Raleigh bends down just enough to gain the momentum to lift Chuck off the ground. Chuck gets with the programme right away and wraps his legs around Raleigh's waist to hold on, watching the muscles of Raleigh's arms flex with the effort. In his fantasies their positions have always been inverted, but he finds that Raleigh can take his weight without struggling. 

Raleigh smirks up at him, and Chuck kind of likes how he's taller than Raleigh like this. He feels hands on his butt, the fingers finding his hole again, sliding inside, teasing and easy. Then they hit his prostate again and Chuck can't help it, he arches his back, head thrown back - hitting the wall quite hard, but he just can't care - and a rather loud groan escapes him and echoes off the walls of the shower stall. It's very good that Raleigh decides to seal his mouth with a deep, intense kiss then, because Chuck just knows that he can't keep quiet. He may not have much experience, but the few encounters he had taught him early on that he's quite vocal in bed. Or shower, in this specific case.

Raleigh's fingers scissor inside him, stretching him some more in preparation, passing over his prostate again and again, and Chuck is groaning into Raleigh's mouth while his legs tighten around his waist. Then Raleigh breaks their kiss and leans back to watch him, his fingers caressing Chuck from the inside. Chuck bites his bottom lip, the moan halfway stifled, his eyelids lowered in pleasure. Raleigh is still looking at him, the question obvious in his eyes. 

"Ready?" His voice is an octave deeper than it usually is, dark with arousal, with desire, with _emotion_. It feels like a most intimate caress to Chuck, makes goosebumps spread all over his body. Gosh, he loves that voice.

He doesn't bother with the effort to find the words to answer, he just nods and then he feels the blunt head of Raleigh's erection pressing against his hole, slowly but persistent. There's definitely a difference in size, but Chuck is well prepared - he gets it now, why Raleigh was so insistent to be thorough - and the measured pace makes it easier to take it. Chuck feels the loop of Raleigh's pleasure inside his mind, easing the minor pain that he feels. He can't stop staring at Raleigh's face, at the way it contorts with such intense concentration and overwhelming ecstasy that his mouth has opened in a silent moan. It feels strange to have Raleigh's dick inside him, filling him up in a way he never experienced before, but Chuck finds he likes it, likes it a lot, in fact. He can tell the exact moment when Raleigh is entirely sheathed inside him, feels the shudder that runs through Raleigh's body, can't contain the one running through his own. 

Raleigh is panting, his eyes almost black, his pupils are blown so wide, and he's staring at Chuck with so much wonder that he can't hold back. Chuck bends down, catches his face between his hands and kisses him, deep and possessive and somehow it feels like _he_ is claiming _Raleigh_. 

Chuck pulls back after a moment and bites Raleigh's bottom lip, a gentle but clear message. "Move, Rals."

That seems to break Raleigh's immobility and he starts to pull back only to slide back in again. It's slow and almost careful at first, until Chuck's had enough and resolutely pushes down. The feeling is still weird, Chuck decides, but then Raleigh changes the angle there it is again, that mind blowing sensation. Chuck takes a firm hold of Raleigh's shoulders and uses it to actively press down, meeting each of Raleigh's thrust with vigour. Yeeeesss, that's it. That's what he wants.

The water is pouring down on them, running warm and soothing down their bodies like an elusive caress. Chuck feels the tiles rub against the skin of his back, but he doesn't care. The only thing that matters is Raleigh's thrusts that drive him crazy by the way they're hitting his prostate at each go. He's losing his mind, his entire world consists only of Raleigh, of all the places where they're touching. Raleigh's hand has found his dick again, jerking him in time to his thrusts, and the stimulation is so much that Chuck knows he won't be able to take it much longer.

"Yeah! Rals!" Chuck arches his back, presses with his back against the wall to gain enough leverage to push down harder, to take Raleigh deeper. He's moaning ecstatically now, not caring who might hear, only silenced when he bends down to capture Raleigh's lips in messy kisses that bear no finesse anymore. Raleigh doesn't seem to care, he returns them with vigour. 

Chuck feels it building, his balls are prickling, pulling tight and then he's coming, shooting his load all over his and Raleigh's stomachs. His mind goes absolutely blank, overloaded by the intensity of the sensations that flood it, a combination of his own orgasm and Raleigh's ecstasy. It's almost like he's having a second orgasm when Raleigh comes a few seconds after him. The white-hot spikes of his pleasure transmit through their ghost drift without losing much of their intensity, making Chuck twitch with aftershocks. He's panting as if he's just run a marathon, his chest is heaving with his frantic breathing, and it's very satisfying to find Raleigh in pretty much the same condition. 

It takes a moment for Chuck to find his way back into the real world. The first thing he notices is that Raleigh is trembling with the effort to keep standing while supporting all of Chuck's weight. Chuck slowly eases his legs down one at a time, instantly regretting it when Raleigh slips out of him. He finds that his legs aren't too reliable either, but that's not surprising given what they've just done. It was by far the most intense orgasm Chuck has ever experienced, and he knows that it's the same for Raleigh. 

He leans in, brushes his nose against Raleigh's and then touches his lips to his. It's gentle, almost chaste, and Chuck closes his eyes, savouring it. Raleigh's arms are wrapped securely around Chuck's waist and he melts against Chuck bonelessly, pressing him backwards with their combined weight resting against him, supported by the wall in Chuck's back. Their ghost drift is filled with bone deep satisfaction, pleased contentedness and mutual comfort. It's nothing like the feelings they had towards each other before they entered the drift this morning, and Chuck is still amazed by the change in direction. Not that he wants to go back to their earlier animosity. This is so much more fun.

He can't help grinning. His first time having sex, and he manages to get fucked by Raleigh Becket in the decontamination showers of the drivesuit room. Now if that isn't quite unique. Chuck chuckles against Raleigh's neck.

"What?" Raleigh mumbles, sounding as if he hasn't quite regained his higher brain functions yet.

Chuck laughs for real now. "We picked a great spot for our fist time."

Raleigh snorts, the grin obvious in his voice. "I'm reasonably sure we didn't pick it. We just went with the flow - or rather ghost drift - and this happened to be the first room without witnesses."

Chuck is still laughing. "That's one way to put it."

"I loved it anyway." Raleigh says with a soft yet teasing note to his voice and Chuck can feel his smirk where Raleigh's lips are touching his shoulder. "Can't wait for you to return the favour."

Chuck has to lick his lips, the low words making a rush of excitement and anticipation course through his entire body. If he wasn't so utterly spent, he'd be tempted right here and now. "Give me some time to recover, then I'll be more than happy to be at your service."

"We could try to make it to my quarters this time." Raleigh lifts his head and looks at Chuck with a twinkle in his eye. "I'm sure you don't want to go to yours, since your dad's going to come back at some point..."

Chuck just groans. "Please, Rals, don't bring up my dad when I'm naked and just got nailed in the decontamination showers."

Raleigh flat out laughs at him. "I promise."

Chuck raises an eyebrow. "It's a serious mood killer, so it's in your own interest not to do it."

"As you wish, Ranger Hansen." Raleigh gives a floppy salute and Chuck is horrified to find that it actually turns him on. Oh my, he's sure he'll discover more things about himself than he ever wanted to know.

Raleigh grins and leans in to nip on Chuck's earlobe. "By the way, I like it when you call me 'Rals'."

It's only then that Chuck realises that he has called him that. It wasn't a conscious choice on his part, it just happened. "Good. Chances are high that I'm going to do it again."

"Feel free to." Raleigh pecks a kiss on his cheek, then he grins at Chuck. "By the way, do you think we should actually wash now that we've already spent I don't know how long in the shower and wasted water?"

Chuck laughs and reaches for the shampoo that Raleigh had used with quite a different purpose before. "It might be a good idea."

He pours a healthy amount in his hands and unceremoniously begins to lather up Raleigh's hair. The favour is returned as soon as he's done, and Chuck relishes in the easy intimacy they share. He feels really at ease - if a bit sore in places he's never been sore in before - and it seems completely normal to joke and banter with Raleigh while they wash up, interrupted by the occasional lazy kiss and constant touches that they're not even aware of. There are no boundaries left between them, especially not physical ones. He can't remember ever feeling that comfortable with another person before.

Chuck can't wait to drift with Raleigh again. He plans on reliving the memory of today once the neural handshake is engaged, just to see how much more intense it will feel to share a mutual sexual encounter in the drift. Tendo might actually be shocked at the spike in their alignment.

When they're done showering, they return to the changing room. Chuck doesn't bother to wrap his towel around his waist, it's not like Raleigh hasn't seen - and touched - it all. Chuck puts on his boxer briefs as soon as he gets to the bench where their clothes are, glad to finally wear _real_ underwear again. He's about to reach for his t-shirt when he sees his dog tags lying on top of it. You can't wear dog tags underneath the circuitry suit because they're made of metal and would confuse the impulses, so pilots leave them with their clothes. It's the only occasion a Ranger is permitted to take them off while on duty. 

Chuck slowly grabs the chain and lifts it up, resting the metal plates in his palm. It's tradition that a co-pilot team exchanges one of their dog tags. Until his dad was hurt, Chuck has worn one of his dog tags, but the ones on the chain right now are both his. Chuck hesitates only for a moment, then he opens the chain and takes one of the tags off. He looks up to where Raleigh is standing right next to him. He's halfway dressed, without a shirt and pants still undone, but already in his boots. 

Only two steps and Chuck is standing in front of him, right inside his personal space. Raleigh stops dressing and looks up, obviously confused, then he sees the dog tag in Chuck's palm and understanding blooms in his eyes. 

"We're co-pilots now." Chuck has to clear his throat, because somehow this seems even more intimate than having sex in the showers. He holds out the tag. "This belongs to you now."

There's a silent little smile on Raleigh's lips when he takes off his own chain and removes one of his tags. He gently sets it in Chuck's palm in exchange for Chuck's, never breaking the gaze. "And this is yours now."

Chuck swallows hard. This is just a formality, really, they would have been asked to do it first thing tomorrow morning after their official initiation as co-pilots anyway. Still, it feels like so much more than a formality, nothing like the time he exchanged tags with his dad. He watches how Raleigh attaches Chuck's dog tag to his chain and then fastens it around his neck again. The tags look absolutely identical, the only difference is the data written on them, yet Chuck feels something he can't quite name at the sight of his tag against Raleigh's skin.

When he looks up, Raleigh is watching him, still wearing that little smile, and Chuck feels his cheeks redden. Sometimes he really hates his complexion. He quickly lowers his head, pretending to be fussing with slipping Raleigh's tag on his own chain. It feels final when he puts the chain around his neck again, somehow like he just made a promise. 

"Pleased to be your co-pilot, Ranger Hansen." Raleigh says with an ambiguous grin when Chuck raises his head, and holds out his hand. 

Chuck laughs and shakes his hand. He feels the ghost drift brim with gentle teasing. "It's my pleasure, Ranger Becket."

Well, maybe having a perfect match isn't so bad after all.


	22. Overwhelming Urges (Chuck/Raleigh)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After their first drift together, Raleigh finds that he's unable to keep his hands to himself when he's around Chuck. It's good that this specific side effect of their drift is mutual, but it's not so good that they can't seem to care where they are when the need overcomes them.

_Hong Kong Shatterdome, January 9th 2025_

 

It's noon by the time Chuck and Raleigh make it out of the showers of the drivesuit room. Raleigh is tempted to drag Chuck off to his quarters right away and do nice and naughty things for the rest of the day, but his stomach has issues with that plan. They just had a quite long and exhausting simulator session, not to mention the trial in the Kwoon right beforehand and the rather pleasant shower activities right afterwards, and now his stomach demands something substantial to eat. It makes that clear rather loudly.

The good thing is that Chuck's stomach seems to share that opinion and joins the general growling. The decision to go to the mess hall to grab some lunch is easily made. They walk side by side through the long hallways that permeate the entire Shatterdome like a maze, and Raleigh can't help noticing how perfectly in sync their movements are. It's not something they do consciously, it just happens. Raleigh remembers seeing it in the Kaidanovskys, and come to think of it, Pentecost and Herc do it too, and have done it as long as he can remember. He will ask one of them about it - probably Herc, because he's quite sure Pentecost won't answer such a personal question. But then, if he asks Herc, he'll have to explain why, and he's not sure he's ready to face the wrath of Hercules Hansen protecting his son's virtue. It's too late for that anyway.

"Will your dad kill me?" Raleigh asks and makes a gesture that includes both of them. It's pretty obvious what he's talking about. "When he finds out about... you know... _this_."

"Nah." Chuck says evenly, then he falls silent. Raleigh is just about to relax when Chuck continues, his voice casual. "He might torture you a bit, though."

Raleigh snorts. "Now that's reassuring, thank you very much."

"You're welcome." Chuck turns to him with a mischievous grin. "I'm sure he already knows, anyway. It's not like it's difficult to detect the changes in our behaviour towards each other."

Raleigh shrugs, a smirk on his lips, and he makes a point of glancing at the mark on the side of Chuck's neck that he left there not an hour ago. "Yeah, I guess it's fairly obvious."

Chuck snorts. "Considering that we're not trying to kill each other anymore, yes, I'd say it's pretty obvious." 

Raleigh's smirk widens into a full blown grin and he allows his fingers to trail over the mark. "That's not what I was talking about."

He feels Chuck shiver under his touch, and it makes him feel a strange kind of satisfied possessiveness. Just then Chuck gives him a dirty look. "You're one to talk. Did you ever look in the mirror after our shower?"

Actually no, he didn't. 

"Why?" Raleigh asks and can't help his voice sounding wary.

Now Chuck's grin takes on a rather gleeful edge. " Your neck is... how to put it gently? Well, it could come from a fight, if you're opponent was into biting."

Raleigh groans. " _You are_ into biting."

Chuck looks smug. "So I've noticed. I like it a lot, especially when it makes you writhe underneath me."

Raleigh feels heat rise inside him and instinctively stops walking to stare at Chuck. Gosh, he wants to grab him and press him against the next wall and... He feels Chuck's reaction to his thoughts over their ghost drift and catches his gaze. There's the beginning of a blush on his cheeks - Raleigh can't help finding it hot as well as cute, and very convenient, because it always tells him how Chuck feels. His eyes have turned dark again and there's an intensity to them that keeps Raleigh spellbound. 

Raleigh swallows hard. "Weren't we going to get something to eat?"

Chuck licks his lips in a gesture that looks hungry, but not for food. "I think so." 

For a moment Raleigh wonders if the others will be able to tell what he and Chuck just did in the showers. If there's some kind of... _aura_ around them that screams 'we just fucked our brains out' to everybody who even glances at them. He certainly feels like there's a sign over his head right now, and it doesn't help that the urge to touch Chuck is still as strong as it was before. It's as if his hands have a mind of their own, he constantly finds himself reaching out, a hand on Chuck's arm, on the small of his back, his neck... and Chuck is no better. He does pretty much the same thing as Raleigh, a touch here and another there, small things, as if he needs to create a physical connection on top of their ghost drift that hasn't eased off at all.

Before he can even think about it, Raleigh has stepped up to him, only for Chuck to meet him halfway. They're in the middle of the hallway and yet there are no people around right now. Raleigh only registers it in the back of his mind, and he's fairly sure he wouldn't care even if there were people.

"If we do this touching thing in the mess hall, we'll be the headlines of the day." Raleigh announces wryly when he notices that his hand has somehow found its way to the small of Chuck's back, resting comfortably on the thin fabric of his t-shirt while pulling him in close.

Chuck raises an eyebrow in challenge, a smirk on his lips. His left hand rests on Raleigh's hip as if it belongs there, sure and possessive. "You don't like it?"

Raleigh lets his hand slip a little lower, right into the back pocket of Chuck's jeans. The curve of his butt fits perfectly in Raleigh's palm. "I didn't say that."

Chuck chuckles, and he definitely sounds smug. "Good. Now let's get something to eat so we can continue this in your quarters." 

He steps back from Raleigh and smacks him teasingly on the butt before he resumes walking. Raleigh's rooted in place for a second or two while he can't decide whether he's horrified, stunned or just still trapped in his desire to devour Chuck right here in the hallway.

When he doesn't follow, Chuck turns around to throw him a challenging smirk. "You're coming, Rals?"

Raleigh has to make a real effort not to voice his rather dirty reply to that question. 

Of course they encounter Herc in the mess hall, and Raleigh is worried for a moment what he'll do to him if he finds out that Raleigh just literally deflowered his son. Hopefully the drift hangover between Herc and Chuck isn't strong enough for him to pick up on any details. The fact that there's barely any space left between Raleigh and Chuck when they enter the mess hall doesn't do anything to hide the recent events, obviously. A day ago Chuck would have chopped off Raleigh's head if he had come as close to him as that, especially in public. Now it's quite obvious that he doesn't mind at all, and that's a dead giveaway. 

Herc looks at them, his gaze flickering from one to the other, then his eyes narrow. Raleigh resists the urge to hide behind Chuck - Herc may hurt Raleigh, but he won't hurt Chuck - because he's not a coward, even if Herc can be scary if he wants to be. Raleigh stands his ground when Chuck and him get to the table with their lunch trays, he holds Herc's gaze and sits down next to Chuck. Okay, so maybe they're sitting a bit closer than appropriate, and maybe it's completely out of character for them considering how they were still at each other's throats just this morning, but Raleigh finds that he doesn't care. And he doesn't want any more distance between him and Chuck, he needs to feel him close. Screw what Herc thinks of it.

Chuck holds back uncharacteristically, not trying to rub it in Herc's face to get a reaction out of him, not being as purposefully a jerk as he usually is. It takes Raleigh half of the rather awkward meal to get that Chuck's not playing at something, he's honestly trying to get along with his dad. It's the first time Raleigh sees him make that effort, and Herc seems to try just as hard. As if they've come to the mutual agreement not to get into an argument. Obviously that doesn't keep Herc from throwing them first suspicious and then knowing looks, accompanied by his frown turning into a well hidden amused smirk. It makes Raleigh feel rather uneasy.

To make things worse, halfway through lunch Raleigh feels Mako come into the room even before he sees her. Raleigh excuses himself and gets up immediately to get her a tray of food because she can't carry it with her arm in a sling. She throws him a suspicious gaze and Raleigh just knows she's aware of what happened between him and Chuck. She knows something has changed, probably partly due to the faint but still remaining drift hangover between Raleigh and her, and the rest is her freakishly good observation skills. 

"I see you gave him a chance after all." Mako says casually, one eyebrow raised teasingly when Raleigh joins her at the serving counter. 

Raleigh fights the embarrassment that washes over him, because it's one thing to get busy with Chuck in the showers and an entirely different thing to have Mako second-hand witness it. Although he doesn't really want to know how much she caught over the drift hangover, he still has to ask.

"Ahm..." He clears his throat uncomfortably and pretends to be busy with choosing a salad for her. "How much... What did you catch of our... well, _activities_?" 

"No details." She replies evenly, but Raleigh is well aware that she's not looking at him and that there's a faint red shimmer to her cheeks. "Just... feelings. The really strong ones echoed over to me."

"Oh man, I'm sorry, Mako." Raleigh wants the ground to swallow him. He has a pretty good idea which are the 'strong feelings' that Mako received - hopefully she got a dulled version. 

"It is nothing that you had any influence on." She shakes her head, finally looking at him. She smiles, a real, warm smile. "I'm glad you and Chuck overcame your differences." Her smile turns into a mischievous smirk. "Rather effectively, too."

Raleigh groans again, but there's amusement in it. Sometimes he forgets her sharp sense of humour because she shows it so rarely. He doesn't say anything, just takes her tray and carries it over to the table where Chuck and Herc are sitting. Raleigh can feel that Chuck is pleased about something, and one glance at Herc tells him that the two must have talked about something - and obviously agreed on it. Raleigh makes a mental note to ask Chuck about it later when they're alone. 

He sets the tray down for Mako at the empty spot next to Herc and opposite of himself, then he sits down next to Chuck. He's aware they're too close again, but he can't help it. He only feels comfortable once there's the warm press of Chuck's thigh against his. It's pathetic, really. He doesn't care. 

Mako and Herc talk about the repair works on Gipsy and Striker and Chuck adds something here and there, but mostly he's busy teasing Raleigh - one hand strategically placed under the table so it's not visible to the others, he caresses Raleigh's leg that's pressed to his. It starts out with a touch to the knee, quick and almost innocent, then it proceeds to fingers trailing along his thigh and finally the entire hand working it's way up _on the inside_ of his leg. Raleigh doesn't think he has any capability left to speak, so he doesn't even try to enter the conversation. _He_ is mostly busy trying not to let it show, all the things that Chuck is doing to him under the table. It's hard work.

It takes all of Raleigh's effort to hide his relief when Herc says his goodbyes and Mako joins him. Herc takes his own as well as Mako's empty tray, deposing of them on the way to the exit. Raleigh lets out the breath he's been holding when they round the corner, and only then does he turn towards Chuck.

"Do you want to come to my quarters?" Raleigh whispers in his ear and smirks at the shudder he feels going through Chuck's body.

The hand on his thigh squeezes dangerously close to his groin and it's Raleigh's turn to shiver when he's hit by a wave of images straight out of Chuck's wildest fantasies, right before Chuck's low, hoarse voice growls, "Do you really have to ask?"

"Just wanted to make sure." Raleigh chuckles and fights to resist the urge to kiss Chuck right here in the mess hall. It would be a little bit too much publicity for their relationship that's not even a day old.

"Let's get going, then." Chuck lets go of Raleigh's thigh and gets up, taking his tray and waiting for Raleigh to join him. Raleigh is half-hard and he's incredibly grateful for the baggy cut of the combat pants, or the walk back to his quarters would be even more embarrassing than is already is with all the looks they're getting. Of course people notice that there's something different in the way Raleigh and Chuck are treating each other - it's rather hard to miss - and since the news of them being a perfect match has already spread all through the Shatterdome, people have a reasonably good idea what's going on.

In hindsight, Raleigh thinks, he shouldn't be surprised that he and Chuck don't make it to his quarters. This time they at least manage to get as far as the lift, though. They're alone in the cabin, which is also one of the reasons why he suddenly finds himself shoved up against one of the fixed walls of the cabin. Chuck's entire body is pressing against him and his lips are open under Raleigh's, his tongue deep in his mouth, leaving no doubt about what he wants. Raleigh isn't really that surprised, and he gets with the programme immediately. He's been wanting to do that for the entire time they spent in the mess hall, after all. 

Raleigh buries one hand in Chuck's short hair, while the other slips underneath the waistband of his pants, taking a firm hold of his really nice butt. He relishes in the way Chuck groans into his mouth and presses into him even more. It's intoxicating to feel his arousal over their ghost drift, to know how much it turns him on that Raleigh doesn't mind following his lead. Chuck slips his leg between Raleigh's and pushes up until he's rubbing his thigh against Raleigh's hardening erection. It's maddening, the friction is not enough and yet too much to be ignored, and Raleigh can't help himself, his hips buck, searching for more friction, humping Chuck's leg. Chuck's hands grab his butt and support his movements, pressing him even closer, and Raleigh doesn't even bother to hold back the moan he feels rising in his throat. 

Oh god, there are so many things he wants to do to Chuck, _with_ Chuck. Raleigh wants to taste him, right here in the elevator, wants to find out what Chuck's dick will feel like on his tongue. He feels Chuck shudder at the thought, and that makes Raleigh decide to go for it. He lets go of Chuck's lips and makes to sink down to his knees when he suddenly feels an unpleasantly hard pull on his neck. He opens his eyes and gets up again immediately just when Chuck begins to move away. "What the-" 

Raleigh grabs him and pulls him close again. "Stop! Stop! Don't move!" 

"Why?" Chuck growls, but Raleigh just points down to where the chain of his dog tags is hopelessly tangled with Chuck's. 

"If you do, you'll choke us both." he points out.

"Awesome." Chuck frowns at the mess and begins fingering the knot. Instead of easing the tight knot, he makes it worse. Raleigh watches for a moment, enjoying the fact that he's still pressed so close to Chuck that even a sheet of paper wouldn't fit between them. He gives an experimental buck of his hips and feels the delicious friction against Chuck's thigh again. Their stupid dog tags have terribly bad timing, really. 

When Chuck growls in frustration and their range of movement has effectively been reduced by another ten centimetres, Raleigh decides to intervene. "Let me try. You'll only strangle us."

Chuck glares at him, but the effect is ruined by the fact that he's so close to Raleigh that it's almost hard to keep him in focus. Raleigh snorts. "You have to admit that this _is_ kind of funny."

Chuck is quiet for a moment, then he chuckles. "Okay, it kind of is. Just promise me that we don't have to call anybody for help, because that would be incredibly embarrassing."

"Can't promise that just yet." Raleigh mumbles while he's trying to get one of his tags through a tiny loop in the tangled mess. It's just then that the lift stops and one of the doors slides open.

Chuck and Raleigh look up at the same time, and Chuck murmurs, "Oh oh."

Tendo walks in, his head bent over a tablet. He only notices them after the doors have closed again and the lift is moving. It doesn't even take him a second to assess the situation and Raleigh wants to cringe when he raises one eyebrow in that mocking way of his. "Are you in some kind of trouble, boys?"

"No." Chuck says at the same time that Raleigh replies, "Maybe."

Chuck glares at him again, but he can't do much more considering that they both can't move away from each other without strangling themselves.

"Looks to me like you got a little... _tangled_ there." Tendo remains standing where he is, but his entire attention is focussed on Chuck and Raleigh now instead of his tablet. He points at the obvious mess of their dog tag chains with an amused smirk. "Looks like you've been working on making it worse."

"We did that quite effectively, too." Raleigh replies with a chuckle. He can't help finding the entire situation rather funny. It's definitely a first for him, and since it's Tendo who found them and not Pentecost or Herc, Raleigh can laugh about it. Chuck still seems to be embarrassed, though.

"Want me to untangle you again?" Tendo asks, already walking over to them.

"Give it a go. Can't get much worse, now, can it?" Raleigh lets his right hand rub soothingly over Chuck's back and feels him lean into it ever so slightly. He smiles at it, he hadn't been sure if Chuck welcomed the touch.

"You know, there are better places to get busy than the main lift." Tendo remarks casually while his fingers quickly work the knots in the chains. In a matter of seconds he has it undone and then looks up at them with a mischievous grin. "The auxiliary lifts, for example."

Chuck snorts out a rather loud laugh and Raleigh can't keep it down either. "You're a naughty naughty boy, Tendo."

"Nah, I wouldn't say that." Tendo grins. "I'm just giving friendly advice to some guys in need."

They're free to move again and while they do step apart, they still stay close enough to touch. Tendo obviously doesn't mind too much, and it puts them both at easy. Raleigh feels Chuck relax a little bit more after Tendo's last words. He hasn't known him quite as long as Raleigh, who hadn't expected anything else. Tendo is a sly old dog, he just hides it really well.

"Thanks, man." Raleigh twists and turns his chain until it hangs the way it's supposed to. "Glad it was you who walked in on us."

"You should be. Just imagine it had been Pentecost." He glances at Chuck. "Or your dad."

Chuck cringes. "Yeah, that would have been rather awkward." 

The lift comes to a stop and when a door on the opposite side opens, Tendo makes to leave.

"Oh, and another little piece of advice." Tendo turns to them at the exit of the lift, still grinning. "Next time you want to make out in a public place, make sure that your dog tags can't tangle up again. I can't be around to save you guys all the time."

Chuck laughs and nods. "We'll keep that in mind."

Raleigh grins. "You're our hero, Tendo."

Tendo bows, and there's definitely a mocking touch to it. "Then I have fulfilled my life's purpose."

The doors close and the last thing they see is the huge grin on Tendo's face. "Have fun, boys!"

Chuck stares at the closed doors before he turns to look at Raleigh. "Let's try to _really_ make it to your quarters now. I have a feeling that next time we might not be as lucky."

Raleigh snorts and grins at him. "Yeah, next time it might be your dad."

Chuck glares at him. "I told you before, _Rahhh_ leigh, not to mention my dad and sex in the same sentence. It's still a serious mood killer."

Now Raleigh's smile turns dirty. "I'll get you back in the mood soon enough."

Chuck raises an eyebrow in challenge. "I hold you to that."

The lift stops at the level of Raleigh's quarters and he smirks at Chuck. "I'm counting on it."

The way from the lift to his quarters is reasonably short, but it still takes Raleigh a lot of effort not to touch Chuck. He knows they'll end up humping in the hallway should they touch before they're behind the closed doors of his room, and he doesn't want to risk that. Chuck's right, they're going to run out of luck sooner or later. 

When Raleigh opens the door, he feels Chuck standing so close to him that his warmth seeps through the layers of their clothes. He know he only has to lean back ever so slightly and his back will touch Chuck's chest, and it takes all of Raleigh's deeply ingrained discipline _not_ to do that. Instead he pushes the massive steel door open and steps aside to let Chuck enter first. He looks around, takes in the neatly made bed, the general tidiness of the room, the pictures taped to the wall. Raleigh can feel that he's curious, and for a moment he fears that Chuck will ask about the pictures, about Yancy. Talking about mood killers, that would be a pretty effective one for Raleigh. But while Chuck's gaze lingers on the photos, he doesn't ask a thing. 

Instead he turns around to face Raleigh, his gaze wandering up and down his body with obvious appreciation and clear hunger, and he licks his lips in a gesture that makes Raleigh's skin prickle with anticipation. With slow, deliberate movements Chuck takes off his dog tags and settles them on the desk with a smirk. "I've learned my lesson." 

"So did I." Raleigh says and puts his chain down next to Chuck's. "I don't intend to get strangled again."

Chuck settles his hands on Raleigh's hips and leans forwards until his nose touches Raleigh's throat, then he nuzzles the skin underneath his lips. "Yeah, I have other plans for you."

Raleigh lets his head fall back to grant Chuck better access and steps closer to him when the hands on his hips pull him in. "What kind of plans?"

"Naughty plans." Chuck's hands find their way under Raleigh's sweater while his mouth wanders higher along Raleigh's throat. "They involve you, me, the bed, and way less clothes."

Chuck takes hold of the hem of the sweater and pulls it off with remarkable skill, then he quickly removes his own t-shirt and throws it behind him. Before Raleigh can take the time to admire the view, Chuck is back to kissing him, his arms wrapped around Raleigh's waist and his hands wandering all over his back. Raleigh returns the attention in kind, touching all the skin he can reach, from Chuck's neck to the small of his back where the waistband of his pants restrict Raleigh's access. 

God, he wants those jeans gone.

Chuck picks up on his thought over the ghost drift and sends some of his immediate plans for Raleigh. Raleigh feels his blood pool in his rapidly growing erection at the images of himself spread out under Chuck, buck naked, and Chuck's mouth wrapped around his dick. Oh yeah, he's more than willing to go with Chuck's plans. 

He hears Chuck's low chuckle against his neck where he's busy sucking a mark over the one he left this morning. Raleigh allows himself a moment to close his eyes and enjoy the feeling of Chuck's lips and teeth working his skin. It sends pleasant shivers all over his body, goosebumps in their wake, and his nipples react to the ministrations by hardening ridiculously fast. Okay, so he may have a thing for Chuck biting his neck. He feels Chuck grin against the skin of his collarbone and knows he's filing that knowledge away for later usage. 

Raleigh tries to push his hands under the waistband of Chuck's jeans, but the belt is too tight to allow him much room to move. Time to get rid of those pants, he decides. He makes quick work of Chuck's belt, then he unzips the jeans and pushes them down, out of the way. They get stuck before he even gets them off halfway.

"Boots." Chuck grumbles against his neck and Raleigh remembers those highly impractical fastenings of Chuck's boots, all of which they'll have to undo to get him naked. He lets go of Chuck when he bends down and watches him work impatiently on the buckles of the right shoe.

"You know, your boots are not conductive to sex." Raleigh can't help pointing out before he decides to help Chuck. Two pairs of hands are bound to be faster than one, and he really wants Chuck naked.

Chuck seems to find that remark highly amusing and chuckles. "I can't say I've noticed til today."

Raleigh grins at him while he kneels down next to Chuck's left leg, already working on the multiple fastenings. "I promise you will notice it often from now on."

Chuck licks his lips in anticipation, his eyes dark. "I'm looking forward to it, Rals."

Raleigh feels his skin prickle at the way Chuck pronounces his name, his voice even lower than usual, a rough edge to it. It feels strangely intimate how Chuck shortens his name ever since the showers, and that he only does it when they're at least half naked - or getting there. 

Raleigh opens the last buckle and Chuck steps out of the right boot and then the left. Raleigh tugs down his jeans right away, then he glances up from where he's kneeling next to Chuck's left leg. Right in front of his face is Chuck's groin, the bulge of his erection straining the fabric of his black boxer briefs, and Raleigh can't resist, he leans in and mouths it through the cotton. Chuck groans in surprise as much as in arousal, his hands finding Raleigh's hair and carding through the short strands. Raleigh smirks and hooks his fingers in the waistband of the boxer briefs, pulling them down teasingly slow. He looks up and finds Chuck breathing quickly, his mouth is agape, his eyes hooded and burning with desire, his gaze focussed on Raleigh's face. Raleigh licks his lips when Chuck's dick springs free of his underwear, then he takes a firm hold of it and licks a broad swipe along the underside.

Chuck's legs almost buckle, his eyes close involuntarily and his mouth opens in an uncontrolled moan. "God, Rals!"

Chuck's voice has dropped an octave and is deliciously rough with pleasure. Raleigh feels it like a caress on his skin, hot and soft and thrilling. His fingers clench to fists in Raleigh's hair and Raleigh's mind is flooded with his pleasure over the ghost drift. The intensity takes him by surprise and goes straight to his own dick, making it strain against the confines of his combat pants. Raleigh opens his mouth and takes Chuck in, slowly at first, getting used to the feeling again. He realises quickly that there are a few thing you just never forget how to do, though, and goes for it with renewed enthusiasm. Chuck is putty under his hands - or rather mouth - and his hands are resting on Raleigh's shoulders, digging into his skin and leaning on him at the same time. It tells Raleigh all he needs to know about how good he's doing, even if he didn't get the feedback over their ghost drift.

When he feels Chuck getting too close, Raleigh pulls off. He has other plans for tonight, and he's sure Chuck does too, he's just forgotten about them right now. There's a frustrated huff coming from above him where Chuck has opened his eyes to look at Raleigh. He's panting, his chest rising and falling under quick breaths, and there's a blush spreading from his chest all over his neck to his cheeks. Raleigh can't help finding it incredibly hot - _he_ did that to Chuck, _he_ made him look so deliciously debauched, his eyes dark with pleasure and his lips red from where Chuck bit them. 

"God, you're hot." Raleigh says without thinking. It's simply the truth. He knows he'll never forget this moment, what Chuck looks like bent over him, skin flushed and dick leaking precum. Oh yes, that's an image he will carry with him forever. Just beautiful. 

He feels a mixture of embarrassment and pleasure over the ghost drift and realises Chuck got the gist of his thoughts. Raleigh would have been horrified if he'd found it in him to mind that Chuck knows, but he doesn't. He _wants_ him to know. There are no secrets among drift partners, and even less so among a perfect match. Surprisingly, Raleigh finds that it doesn't bother him at all. If somebody had told him that this morning, Raleigh would have declared them insane.

Raleigh teasingly moves his hand on Chuck's erection when he feels that his arousal has receded enough that he won't risk making him come immediately. He holds Chuck's gaze and revels in the way his eyes almost fall shut at the touch. There's something distinctly exciting about having such an effect on another person, and Raleigh gives Chuck's dick a teasing lick just because he knows it'll make him gasp. It does, and Raleigh grins. "Want to take this to the bed?"

It takes Chuck a moment to find his voice to answer, and that makes Raleigh oddly proud. He rendered Chuck Hansen speechless - if that isn't an achievement. 

"First I want you naked." Chuck replies when he finally manages to speak. He's pulling Raleigh to his feet and goes for his belt buckle right away. Raleigh is incredibly glad that his boots are way easier removed than Chuck's and kicks them off as soon as he has the laces undone. Chuck's hands slide under the waistband of Raleigh's unzipped combat pants and briefs alike, down his to butt, taking hold and pulling Raleigh close. He leans in and bites Raleigh's bottom lip gently before claiming his mouth entirely. Raleigh meets him head on, his fingers in Chuck's hair to pull him even closer, to get more contact, more friction. He feels Chuck's erection press against the material of his combat pants and bucks his hips to rub against him. Chuck groans into the kiss, just like Raleigh expected. He has a good idea of what that rough fabric must feel like against the sensitive skin of Chuck's dick.

Chuck squeezes Raleigh's butt, lets go, does it again. It feels like an electrifying massage that has an immediate effect on Raleigh's erection. He wants more, wants to feel Chuck's bare skin against his own. He needs his pants gone, so Raleigh lets go of Chuck's hair and pushes his own trousers down. Chuck gets with the programme very quickly and helps Raleigh shed his combat pants with more enthusiasm than skill, then he grabs his hips and leads him in the direction of the bed.

"Wait." Raeigh pulls away and quickly heads over to the locker next to the door. He finds his hidden stash of supplies immediately and grabs the bottle of lube. He hesitates a moment over the condoms, then realises that it's too late for that anyway, since they didn't use one in the showers. Raleigh knows he himself is clean and he's Chuck's first, so they should be good. He returns to Chuck with a smirk and waves the bottle teasingly. "We will need that."

Chuck takes it and inspects the label, then he grins. "Oh, yes, I see."

He chucks the bottle on the top end of the bed, somewhere next to the perfectly straight pillow - it's a military thing, and Raleigh is sure Chuck's bed looks exactly the same - before he approaches Raleigh with two long strides. His hands take hold of Raleigh's hips and steer him towards the bed again.

"Time to mess up your neatly made bed." Chuck says with a challenging grin and pushes Raleigh down to lie back on the bed. It's a one person bunk and reasonably narrow, but Raleigh knows they will make do, so he stretches out lasciviously and takes pleasure in the sight he's treated to. Finally he has a moment to just _look_ \- and there's a lot to look at with Chuck standing in front of him, buck naked and beautifully hard for him.

Chuck is of a broader build than Raleigh himself, with impressively wide shoulders that narrow down to a slim waist. He's just as toned as Raleigh, a side effect of being a Ranger and living with such a high amount of physical training, and Raleigh can't help his gaze travelling up and down Chuck's entire body, taking a moment to appreciate the proudly erect dick as well as the nice, strong thighs. Raleigh licks his lips unconsciously. He's so looking forward to getting his hands on Chuck.

Just like almost every Jaeger pilot, Chuck has circuitry burns on parts of his body, even if he has way less of them than Raleigh. They form a regular pattern of puckered scar tissue against his otherwise freckled, smooth skin, running along his left arm and over his chest, then they disappear only to show up again in a small patch on his left leg, close to his knee. The burns are far less severe than those that criss-cross Raleigh's skin, a faint whitish pink instead of the dark brown of Raleigh's scars. 

"Enjoying the view?" Chuck asks with a smug smile, his hand slowly travelling down his own chest to his erection. He's standing in front of the bed, looking down at Raleigh who's spread out on the sheets.

"Hell yeah." Raleigh doesn't bother to deny it and allows his gaze to openly follow Chuck's hand. He still finds it oddly sexy that Chuck's pubic hair is only the slightest shade darker than the hair on his head. It's a nice, dark ginger.

"So do I." Chuck replies and only now does Raleigh notice that Chuck has been watching him just as he's been watching Chuck. Raleigh is just as naked and obviously Chuck enjoys the opportunity to look at him; his eyes are dark with arousal, raking over his body and taking in every detail. It makes Raleigh's skin prickle, he feels the gaze almost like a physical caress. 

Chuck bends down slowly and crawls over Raleigh in an almost feral movement until his mouth is but a centimetre away from Raleigh's. "I love your circuitry burns, you know that?"

He doesn't give Raleigh the chance to reply anything, instead he leans down for a quick but deep kiss, then he nips his jaw, trails little bites down the side of his neck. "They're like a personal pattern, a visible record of your fights, of your victories and of your losses."

Chuck's voice is very quiet, a dark, velvety shade of hoarse, his breath a hot caress on Raleigh's skin. "I get it since our drift. I get what they mean to you. I know that you hate them because they remind you of what you lost."

Raleigh takes in a shuddering breath. He can't do anything but lie there, open and exposed to Chuck's touch, mesmerised by his voice, his words, his sincerity. It makes something inside him clench almost painfully, the way Chuck trails his circuitry scars with the most gentle touch of his fingertips, followed by the warmth of his lips and the wetness of his tongue. It feels like worshipping, paying homage, and it takes Raleigh's breath away, makes him gasp for air. He never expected this gentleness from Chuck, this openness and his willingness to say all those things aloud. The words hit too close to home because Chuck has seen all of Raleigh's secrets in their drift, has felt them as if they were his own. Raleigh feels so incredibly vulnerable, yet he can't look away, can't find it in him to fight Chuck's touch. 

Chuck finds every single scar and follows it all the way, touches it, kisses it, maps it. Raleigh just lies underneath him, totally absorbed by the intense ministrations, allowing Chuck to consume him. He follows when Chuck's hands motion for him to move on his stomach and then he feels Chuck straddling him, his fingertips on Raleigh's shoulder and his lips on the back of his neck. Raleigh's eyes are closed and he doesn't hold back the deeply content moan that escapes him at the feeling of Chuck's tongue trailing down the two parallel lines on his left shoulder blade.

"I want you to know that I love them, every single scar." Chuck sucks a mark between those lines, the most prominent circuitry burns on Raleigh's back, his hands resting firmly on Raleigh's sides. "Because to me, they're a testament of your courage." 

Raleigh feels like he has to contradict. He still remembers how much Chuck despised him for leaving after Yancy's death.

"I get it now, Rals. Why you left the PPDC." Chuck continues as if he knows what Raleigh was thinking, and probably he does with the ghost drift singing in the air between them, strong and warm and reassuring. "And I know what it took for you to get back into a Conn-Pod. To let somebody else in your head again."

Chuck lies down, his body covering Raleigh's from head to toe, warm skin against warm skin. It's comfort and reassurance, it's a promise and a question at the same time. His nose nuzzles behind Raleigh's ear and he presses a gentle kiss to the soft skin. "I know what it took to let _me_ in."

Raleigh takes a deep breath, overwhelmed by the entire situation. God, they have known each other for not even a week, and got along only since this morning. This kind of intimacy, of honesty should feel wrong, too fast, too much, too soon - but it doesn't. Instead it makes Raleigh feel safe for the first time since he felt Yancy die. Like he doesn't have to fight alone anymore.

"I want you, Rals, just the way you are." Chuck breathes against his ear and it makes Raleigh shiver. "If you'll have me."

He feels a wink of insecurity over the ghost drift and it touches him deeply, more than any words could have. Because Chuck is not all sure and self-confident about this, no matter that he may appear to be, he's just as much in need of reassurance as Raleigh is. 

"Chuck..." Raleigh reaches behind himself, his hand finding Chuck's neck. He slides his fingers through his hair, pulls him even closer, feels Chuck lean down until his chin rests on Raleigh's shoulder and his chest is firmly plastered to Raleigh's back. He needs the closeness right now, needs to feel Chuck all around him. It's a new craving to him, but it's so strong that he doesn't resist it even for a moment.

Raleigh doesn't have the words to say what he wants, _needs_ Chuck to know, so he tries to convey it through their connection instead. He's still not entirely sure how much the ghost drift transmits, but he hopes that it's enough for Chuck to understand. He feels Chuck suck in a deep breath and knows that it is.

Chuck raises his head and presses a lingering kiss to Raleigh's neck, warm and wet. It makes Raleigh's dick stir and he shift a little under Chuck's weight, only to feel Chuck's erection rub against his butt. Oh yeah, that gives him a few ideas. He spreads his legs just enough for Chuck's dick to slip between his thighs and Chuck grinds down immediately - obviously they've been thinking along the same lines. It doesn't surprise Raleigh in the least.

Raleigh arches up, meets Chuck's thrust halfway and can't help the groan when Chuck's erection rubs behind his balls at the _exact_ right spot. He lets his head sag forward and pushes his hips back up again, wanting more of that stimulating pressure. The sheets provide some friction against his dick and the feeling of Chuck's weight on his back actually turns him on more than he expected. 

The little sound of the cap of the bottle of lube only registers in Raleigh's mind when he feels slippery fingers touch his butt, a little clumsy but very eager. A moment later Chuck gets a better angle and his hand joins his dick between Raleigh's thighs, slowly spreading the lube while passing over his hole with exploring fingers. Raleigh lets his legs fall open a bit more, giving Chuck better access and a little more room to navigate. When his hand cups Raleigh's balls and then presses down right behind them, Raleigh can't help groaning in pleasure. He feels Chuck's satisfaction at getting it right, followed immediately by another touch and press.

Chuck slips off Raleigh to lie beside him, his hand never leaving its spot. Raleigh hears the cap of the bottle again, but doesn't bother to move to see what Chuck is doing. The fingers return with more lube and spread it carefully, then Chuck slowly, very carefully pushes a finger in. His lips touch Raleigh's shoulder in a lingering kiss, and Raleigh feels his nervousness and insecurity as well as his curiosity and anticipation, and makes a point of letting Chuck know how he makes him feel. It's so much easier to communicate such things with the ghost drift between them through which he can pass on impressions without needing words.

The feeling of a finger curling inside of him is strange as well as familiar, and Raleigh forces himself to relax and allow the intrusion. Just then Chuck nudges his prostate and Raleigh groans, loud and uncontrolled, an instinctive reaction to the sudden pleasure flooding his system. His fingers curl to fists in the sheets and Raleigh arches back into the touch. 

"What was your first rule again? Preparation is best served with plenty of pleasure or something like that?" Chuck asks and Raleigh can hear the smug smile in every word. He can't find it in him to care too much, though, he's way to busy concentrating on Chuck's finger. Oh yeah, that's _it_.

"You're... Ahh!" The finger hits his prostate again, and he can't hold back a groan. "...a quick learner." Raleigh gasps, astonished at how rough and breathless his voice sounds. God, Chuck is really getting good at this.

Chuck chuckles against his ear, his breath warm against Raleigh's skin. "I aim to please."

Raleigh wants to reply something witty, like _'I can feel that'_ , but he loses the ability to speak when Chuck makes it a point to nudge his prostate again. The stimulation is just too much for him to retain any higher brain functions. He doesn't need them right now anyway.

Chuck seems to remember what he himself liked when Raleigh had prepared him, and makes good use of that knowledge. He uses plenty of lube and takes his time to explore all of the reactions he can elicit from Raleigh. By the time he is stretching Raleigh with two fingers, Raleigh is writhing on the bed and can't concentrate on anything but Chuck's touch. He had the great idea to make Raleigh raise his hips off the mattress and is paying his rock hard erection enough attention that a Kaiju could walk through the room and Raleigh wouldn't notice. Or care, for that matter. 

When the third finger doesn't register anymore, Raleigh decides that it's enough preparation and it's time to take matters in his own hands. He turns them around with a move that has Chuck surprised enough that it shows on his face. As soon as Raleigh has Chuck lying on his back on the bed, he straddles him and grabs the bottle of lube and squeezes a good amount on his palm. Then Raleigh reaches behind him and coats Chuck's dick before spreading some more on himself. He takes a firm hold of Chuck and guides him to his hole.

"Let's go slow." Raleigh's voice is barely above a whisper, but he knows Chuck understands every word. "It's been a while."

Which is a slight understatement. It has been _years_ , when he was still in the active service in the PPDC, before Knifehead. Raleigh doesn't trust easily, and he needs to trust his partner to allow this, to allow _himself_ to be so vulnerable. And although he's met Chuck only a few days ago and couldn't stand him til their first drift, he trusts him now, wholly and unconditionally. He has no explanation for it - it has to be a perfect match thing - but he knows deep down that he can count on Chuck no matter what. It's enough for him to let his barriers fall, to allow Chuck in, in mind and body.

"Okay." Chuck nods slowly, his mouth agape and his eyes focussed on Raleigh. His hands rest on Raleigh's thighs, his thumbs drawing a mindless pattern on the sweaty skin. "You set the pace."

Raleigh holds his gaze while he sinks down, one centimetre at a time. He feels the difference in size, Chuck is big enough to stretch him even beyond the preparation, but he doesn't ease off, just goes really slow. He watches the wonder in Chuck's eyes grow the deeper he slides into Raleigh, and it's incredibly rewarding to know that _he_ is the reason that Chuck looks so dazed.

When Chuck is entirely sheathed inside him, Raleigh is panting with the effort. He relaxes, takes a moment to get used to the feeling.

"You okay, Rals?" Chuck's voice is an interesting mix of worried and aroused, and his hands are caressing Raleigh's legs and stomach soothingly. He's breathing hard as well, and Raleigh knows it's from the effort to hold still and not thrust up when Raleigh sank down on him. 

"Yeah." Raleigh leans down and claims Chuck's lips in a kiss that turns deep and passionate pretty quickly. "Just give me a moment."

Chuck just nods, obviously not able or willing to speak, and he pulls Raleigh into another kiss. His hands wander up Raleigh's sides, to his arms and back, constantly touching, caressing, exploring. When Raleigh raises up on his legs and then slowly pushes down again, Chuck's breath stutters and he groans loudly, the sound only halfway swallowed in their kiss. Raleigh does it again, faster this time, and the feeling of Chuck sliding in and out of him is intoxicating, just as much as sensing his stunned pleasure over the ghost drift.

Raleigh leans back to get the perfect angle, his eyes closed, his mouth open in a deeply satisfied groan. It's been so long since he did that, since he trusted somebody enough to allow himself this very special kind of pleasure. God, he loves it. 

"Rals... Oh my... yesssss." Chuck's voice is hoarse with ecstasy and his words don't make any sense anymore. His hips jerk in sync with Raleigh's movements, meeting him halfway and intensifying every thrust. His hand finds Raleigh's erection, slick with lube, and wraps around it in a firm grip. Raleigh is almost overwhelmed by the double stimulation and loses himself in the mesmerising rhythm of thrusting into Chuck's hand and pushing down onto his dick. It hits his prostate every time and drives him to heights he had almost forgotten.

Time and space lose any meaning. Raleigh only lives in the moment, in the here and now, in Chuck's touch, his ecstasy, his voice that echoes off the walls, dark and rough with total abandon. He loves how vocal Chuck is, that he doesn't hold back. There's only them, their connection rich with their shared experience, brimming with overflowing pleasure that increases until Raleigh can't take it anymore. 

"Chuck...!" Raleigh arches his back, presses down and into Chuck's hand and then he's coming, his mind overloaded with too much sensation. He knows Chuck is coming too, feels him pulsing inside him, feels the heat of his come at the same time as he's hit with Chuck's orgasm over the ghost drift, just like last time, and it feels like it's his own, so intense, so mind-blowing. It leaves him completely spent and satisfied and he sags down on top of Chuck, panting and dazed. 

Chuck's chest is heaving underneath him with laboured breaths, his hands still gripping Raleigh's thighs. Raleigh stretches to capture his mouth in a messy kiss that doesn't bear any finesse but is still utterly satisfying. Chuck slips out of him when he moves, and Raleigh misses the connection right away. There's something amazing about feeling him pulsing inside him, something intense and special. Raleigh knows he wants it again.

When he has regained his breath, Raleigh grabs the first thing he finds and uses it to wipe away the mess they made. He cleans Chuck's stomach and his own and throws the fabric aside - seems to be a t-shirt - then he sags back down on the bed. Chuck curls around him immediately, arms and legs and all, and buries his nose in the soft hair at the nape of his neck. He presses his lips to Raleigh's skin and Raleigh sighs contently and cuddles back against Chuck. He doesn't mind being the little spoon, he likes the feeling of Chuck surrounding him, touching him all over. It's comfortable, it feels safe and warm and maybe a bit like home. 

Raleigh wakes to the growling of his own stomach. He stretches slowly and thoroughly, although it's a tight fit on the narrow bed, and he takes pleasure in the soreness that reminds him of all the things they did before falling asleep. He smiles contently, then he turns in Chuck's arms to get a look at the clock. It's almost seven in the evening, meaning that there's one hour left to get dinner in the mess hall. 

Raleigh has no intention of missing out on dinner, so he leans down and bites Chuck's neck. "Wake up, Charlie."

"Don't call me that." Chuck grumbles sleepily and tries to turn away from him to continue sleeping. "Five more minutes."

Raleigh smiles, he finds a sleepy Chuck very adorable - so unlike the sharp, focussed man he is when he's awake. There's no anger, no sharp edges, he's just mellow and cute. "No more sleeping, Charlie, or we won't get any dinner."

Chuck opens one eye and tries to glare at him. It doesn't look threatening at all, especially with his messed up hair and the dark bite mark on his collarbone. "Told you not to call me that."

Raleigh bites his way up Chuck's neck to his earlobe. "I like it. It's cute."

"Ah'm not cute." Chuck's protest is mumbled and not very convincing, especially since he's arching his neck to give Raleigh better access, his eyes closed while he's enjoying the touch of Raleigh's lips.

"Yes, you are." Raleigh presses one last kiss behind Chuck's ear, then he gets up and rigorously takes the blanket with him. Before Chuck can even protest, Raleigh gives his exposed backside a teasing slap. "Now get up, young man, or there will be no food for you."

Chuck complains and grumbles rather loudly, making his disapproval at being woken so abruptly known. Raleigh just teases him for being a morning grouch while he gets dressed. He puts the dog tags around his neck again and throws Chuck the other pair, then Raleigh picks up their clothes that are strewn all over the place. Chuck is still working on fastening his jeans and doesn't look like he's entirely awake yet.

"Well, you t-shirt is kind of icky." Raleigh points out and hands it to him.

Chuck eyes the stains on the front. There's no way to misunderstand them. It's pretty clear what caused those white stripes all over the front. Raleigh watches Chuck assess the mess and doesn't even try to hide his highly amused grin. He knows Chuck can't wear that t-shirt anymore. "Want a sweater?"

Chuck glares at him. "Walking around wearing one of your weird trademark sweaters is like carrying a sign saying 'Property of Raleigh Becket'."

Raleigh's smile deepens and takes on a hungry edge. "I like that idea."

Chuck blushes, but doesn't stop glaring. He throws one last glance at his ruined t-shirt before he lets it fall to the floor and grabs the navy blue sweater off the desk, the one Raleigh wore the entire day. He pulls it over his head and tugs here and there until he's comfortable. It's a tighter fit on him than it is on Raleigh, hugging his strong torso in just the right places.

Raleigh feels something twist inside him, something hungry and possessive, when he sees Chuck in his sweater - his _used_ sweater. Chuck knows he could have got a fresh one, but he chose this one instead, wearing it on his bare skin like Raleigh did throughout the day. Raleigh licks his suddenly dry lips, his gaze tracing Chuck's body under the fabric. He feels his hands twitch with the urge to touch Chuck, to feel him. 

Chuck stares at him for a second, then a smug smile spreads over his face and he passes his hand over the fabric, making it touch his arms, his stomach and his chest in the most sensual way. Raleigh feels it going straight to his dick, and he knows Chuck feels it over their ghost drift. Chuck knows exactly what he's doing to Raleigh right now, and he's doing it on purpose. It doesn't make it any less sexy, though.

"I might get used to that sweater." Chuck remarks seemingly casual, but there's a grin tugging on his lips and he wriggles his eyebrows in obvious teasing. Raleigh wants to smack him. Or kiss him. Actually, that sounds even more tempting. 

Chuck turns to leave and only waits for Raleigh once he gets to the door, throwing him the most innocent look. "Didn't you want to get to the mess hall for dinner?"

Raleigh has to grit his teeth to keep from groaning. He knows it's the revenge for the way he woke Chuck - and that he deserves it - but that doesn't make it any easier to control his overactive libido. 

"You're a tease, you know that?" Raleigh presses out and tries very hard to think of unpleasant things, because he has no intention of showing up in the mess hall with a boner.

"Of course I do." Chuck has the nerve to grin, then he opens the door and steps into the hallway. Raleigh follows him and pulls the heavy metal door close behind him. He catches up to Chuck and walks next to him in the direction of the lift that will bring them to the level of the mess hall. When Raleigh notices them walking so close that their shoulders are touching, he sighs. They're doing it again, the touching thing. 

"We should probably talk before we set foot in the mess hall - meaning a public space." Raleigh offers, though not very enthusiastically. He never did like talking about feelings. But this thing between him and Chuck is so big, so important, has so far reaching consequences that he knows they really need to talk. No matter how strong their drift is, they can't afford any misunderstandings, especially not this early on, when they're still not sure what all this is. What it could become.

"Yep, we probably should." Chuck agrees, but he doesn't say anything else.

Raleigh looks at him when they stop in front of the lift, waiting for it to arrive. "We're both not very good at talking, are we?"

"Nope, we aren't." Chuck snorts. "My dad can attest to me being really shit at talking about feelings. Runs in the family."

Raleigh can't help smirking. "I feared that."

The lift arrives and the large door opens, revealing the empty cabin. Chuck follows Raleigh inside and comes to stand next to him, again close enough to touch. It's like they're both unable to keep an appropriate distance between them, and Raleigh is glad that it's not just him.

"So let's make this quick." Chuck says when the door is closed and the lift descends, turning to look at Raleigh. "I say how I see things and you tell me if you see it the same."

Raleigh just nods and waits for Chuck to continue. He's not quite sure what to expect.

"We have a... connection, that's undeniable. Might come form being a perfect match. I want you to be my co-pilot, and I want to drift with you again. I know our bond is strong already and I want to see what it can become." Chuck licks his lips, a little gesture that betrays that he's nervous. Raleigh feels it over the ghost drift as well. "I don't know why, but I trust you - to a degree that I have never experienced before. I _want_ you - body and soul." 

When Chuck stops, Raleigh finds himself unable to answer. After a moment of silence Chuck bites his lips. "So, do you agree or did I get it totally wrong?"

Raleigh is still slightly stunned. Chuck really is a lot stronger - and a lot more mature - than Raleigh gave him credit for. Raleigh knows he himself would not have had the guts to say all those things straight out, even if their sex was amazing. Still, Chuck has nailed it, and Raleigh owes him the truth. "I agree. You didn't get it wrong."

"Good. Then we're on the same page." Chuck makes it sound final, as if the matter is hereby resolved.

Raleigh chuckles and nudges Chuck's shoulder with his own. "I like your direct approach. Makes things easier."

Chuck smirks at him. "Next time it's your turn."

"Okay. Oh, and while we're at it, I have a question." 

Chuck raises an eyebrow, and Raleigh isn't entirely sure if it's in surprise or challenge. "Shoot."

"What did you and your dad talk about at lunch? It must have been something good, I could feel over the ghost drift that you were pleased."

"Oh, that." Chuck smiles, a real smile. "We talked about perfect matches a few days ago, and back then he'd told me that nothing compares to drifting with your perfect match. I just admitted to him at lunch that he was right."

Raleigh picks up from the things Chuck _doesn't_ say that Herc must have a perfect match as well, or he wouldn't know what it feels like. He immediately thinks of Pentecost, but as far as he knows they never jockeyed together, so it must have been his brother, Scott. "He probably hadn't expected you to ever do that - admit that he's right about something."

"Probably not. It was actually quite fun to shock him in a positive way." Chuck laughs, then he shrugs casually. "We're trying to get along better."

Raleigh smiles encouragingly. "It's a good plan."

Chuck inclines his head. "It's a work in progress."

The lift doors open to the hallway that leads to the mess hall, and Chuck and Raleigh make their way over to the big room that's filled with the sounds of people having dinner. They get a tray each and go looking for a table, just to be called over to where Herc is sitting with Max by his feet. 

"Join me, boys." Herc offers. He's already done with his food but is still nursing a coffee.

Raleigh sits down opposite of Herc while Chuck kneels down to pat Max as soon as he sets down his tray. "Hey handsome. Hope you had a good day."

Raleigh finds it adorable how Chuck transforms when he's with Max, like he's a completely different person. Open and friendly and affectionate, not the jerk he is to almost all human beings. Raleigh wonders if he's really going to be an exception to the rule now or if Chuck is going to turn into an asshole again at some point. If he does, Raleigh will kick his ass. He won't allow their relationship to turn back into what it was before this morning's drift.

"I forgot my coffee. Do you want one too?" Chuck asks both of them once he's done cuddling Max.

"I still got some, thanks." Herc replies and waves at the mug in front of him.

"I'd like one." Raleigh says. "Two-"

"Two sugar, and just a little milk." Chuck grins at him and Raleigh feels his smugness over their ghost drift. "I know."

"I won't ask how you know." Raleigh retorts teasingly. Of course he knows that it's one of the things Chuck learned when they drifted, one of those unimportant fact about your drift partner that rush by you when you're connected. The remarkable thing is that Chuck remembers it.

"I'm God." Chuck wriggles his eyebrows before he turns around and walks in the direction of the coffee machines. Raleigh stares after him with an amused smirk on his lips and absent-mindedly pats Max who's leaning against his leg.

"You are aware you're wearing Chuck's dog tags, aren't you?" Herc says into the silence, his voice casual.

Raleigh's head jerks around, ripped out of his musings. "What?"

Herc reaches out over the table and takes hold of the upper dog tag that's supposed to be Raleigh's but clearly shows Chuck's name. "This is Chuck's chain. My guess is that _yours_ is around _his_ neck right now."

"That is a rather good guess." Shit, he grabbed the wrong tags. For once in his life Raleigh really feels himself blush. Why does that have to happen when they meet Herc? He's not sure what to expect, if Herc will tear him a new one, give him 'The Speech' or simply ignore the whole thing. But whatever he'll do, Raleigh will not deny the... _relationship_ he has with Chuck. Whatever it might be.

"Don't worry, mate, I won't tell you that I'll personally make your life hell if you hurt him." Herc says with a chuckle. Then he gives Raleigh a glance that holds pure steel. "I'm sure you already know that."

Raleigh gulps and nods. "Yes, sir, I know that."

"Well, and _I_ know that you _won't_ hurt him. Not on purpose." Herc's gaze is serious, and there's no doubt that he means what he said. 

Raleigh narrows his eyes. "How can you be so sure?"

Herc's knowing smile has more layers than Raleigh can even begin to grasp. "It's a perfect match thing. I know."

Raleigh's gaze searches the mess hall for Chuck as if it has a mind of it's own, and he can't help staring when he sees Chuck standing by the coffee machines, his thumbs hooked in the front of his belt in a gesture Raleigh knows is not his - it's typical for Raleigh himself. Chuck is in deep conversation with a J-Tech from his crew and is completely unaware that he's actually doing it. Combined with Raleigh's sweater that Chuck is still wearing, the effect is so cute that Raleigh smiles involuntarily. He's still looking at Chuck when he finally answers. "You're right, sir. I won't ever hurt him on purpose."

When Raleigh turns to look at him, Herc is watching him intently. He keeps scrutinizing him for a long moment, then he nods. "Works for me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The tangled-dog-tags-and-almost-choking-each-other was inspired by a comment from Raine_Wynd - thank you for the idea, my dear! It most certainly proved to be fun XD


	23. A Lesson Learned (Stacker/Herc, Herc & Chuck)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Herc has to say his final goodbye to Stacker before the bomb run on the breach. It's even harder than he expected it to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is as much dark and painful as it is fluffy, so bear with me, please! And yes, you're allowed to be confused when reading the first part of this fic - you'll see what I mean XD

_Hong Kong Shatterdome, January 12th 2025_

_"You will be Chuck's co-pilot, won't you?" Herc says quietly, watching Stacker standing in front of the mirror in his office, the red of his blood a stark contrast to the white of his shirt. Stacker catches his gaze in the mirror, holds it. There is a weariness in his face that Herc hasn't seen before. His heart sinks, although he already knew what was going to happen as soon as he was thrown across Striker's Conn-Pod._

_Herc feels the pain where his collarbone is broken and knows that he can't pilot. Crimson Typhoon is down, Cherno Alpha is down. There are only five Rangers alive with the ability to pilot a Jaeger, and Herc is out of the count due to his injury. That makes four. Mako and Raleigh, and Stacker and Chuck._

_"There is no other way." Stacker replies, saying what they both know. There are no pilots left, especially not any with Stacker's almost universal drift compatibility. The only way to deliver the bomb to the Breach is for Stacker to step into a Jaeger. There will be no coming back for him from this mission, either way._

_Herc walks across the room, comes up behind Stacker and leans against his back, wrapping his uninjured arm around his waist. He closes his eyes, presses his nose against the back of Stacker's neck and lets out a shaky breath. Stacker's hand comes up to cover his, warm and big and comforting._

_"It was supposed to be me." Herc's voice is so hoarse it almost breaks. He feels as if he is slowly being crushed under the weight of the knowledge that on this very day, he will lose his son and his life partner to the fight against the Kaiju. Then they will have taken every single person he ever loved from him. He wishes they had taken him, too._

_"I'd rather is was me." Stacker's words are very quiet but still firm. He knows how Herc feels because he's been in his place until just a few hours ago. He thought he had to watch him die on a suicide bomb run, along with Mako and Chuck, who are both like his own children to him._

_"Don't." Herc tightens his hold on Stacker and tries to rein in the pain that threatens to overwhelm him. Herc feels the lump in his throat grow until it almost robs him of the ability to speak. They have never said them, those three words, but yet there has always been a silent understanding that they're true. But right now it's not enough, Herc needs Stacker to_ know _, needs him to hear those three words as much as he himself needs to say them._

_"I love you, Stacks." His voice sounds stronger and calmer than he expected. It leaves no doubt that he means it, that it's the absolute truth. For a moment Herc can't understand why it took him so long to say it, why it took the certainty of imminent death to finally put in words what they have both known for years._

_Stacker turns around in his arms, never breaking the embrace, and catches his gaze. His eyes are dark with emotion, but he doesn't say a word. Instead his left hand comes to rest on Herc's chest, following the edge of the Henley. The buttons are undone, as always, and Stacker's fingers slip underneath the worn fabric. They feel warm against his skin, their touch gentle but sure, and Herc can't help the goose bumps that spread all over his body. The fingertips slowly trace along one of Herc's older drivesuit scars high on his right shoulder, along his collarbone and to the small tattoo high on his chest. There are just six letters in an ornamental but clear Gothic font. They're a little blurry around the edges in a way only the years can weather a tattoo, and they read 'Stacks'._

_Herc knows_ his _name graces the dark skin of Stacker's chest at the exact same spot on Stacker's left side, the same font, the same blurriness around the edges, just a day older than his own tattoo. It's hidden beneath the crisp white shirt Stacker is wearing, yet Herc's uninjured hand finds the spot as surely as if he could see it. His hand settles on the white cotton, his trigger finger slowly caressing the mark hidden underneath the fabric. He feels the smallest of shudders run through Stacker's massive frame, a reaction to his touch and the meaning behind it - his claim, his promise._ You belong to me. I belong to you. __

 _Stacker's hand wanders up the side of Herc's throat, then gently trails over his cheek, the fingertips catching on the two days worth of stubble. Herc smiles at the light rasping sound, at the warmth the touch sends through his entire body. He knows that Stacker loves the stubble, much more than when the skin is clean shaven. Herc has seen, no,_ felt _it in drift, something Stacker has let him know on purpose. The clean shaven, neat Ranger Hansen is the perfect officer for the world to see; but the rough soldier with the ginger stubble is the man behind the façade, and he's the one Stacker loves. The revelation almost knocked Herc off his feet back then, and he felt Stacker's smug smile in the drift. Caitlin had asked Herc why he'd spiked, but Herc resolutely refused to answer._

_The memory makes him smile, and he knows Stacker is thinking about it too._

_"Come here." Herc murmurs and steps closer again, pulling Stacker with his unhurt arm, burying his nose against his throat. He feels Stacker's strong arms wrap around his waist, tightening until there's absolutely no space left between their bodies. The embrace is warm and comforting, familiar and safe. Herc tries to rein in the words that lie heavy on his tongue, but they escape him before he manages. "I can't lose you, Stacks."_

_Herc feels Stacker tense in his arms. He hasn't wanted to say that, because it's futile, and they both know it. There's no coming back from this mission. And even if there was, the cancer that's slowly eating Stacker up from the inside is a fact that can't be denied. There has never been a happily ever after for them._

_Stacker pulls him closer, if that's even possible, and touches his nose to Herc's ear before he replies, "You can always find me in the Drift."_

_Herc presses his nose against the soft, warm skin of Stacker's neck, taking a deep breath, trying to imprint his scent in his brain to never forget it. "It's not the same."_

_Stacker's hands draw a slow, absent-minded pattern on Herc's back. His voice rough with unspoken emotion, his breath warm against Herc's ear. "I know."_

_There's nothing else to say, and their time is running out. Already the announcements have called for the crews and pilots of Gipsy Danger and Striker Eureka to get ready. Herc blocks it all out, determined to make the most of this last private moment he has with Stacker. This is their goodbye, and they both know it._

_Stacker presses a lingering kiss to his temple, then he brings his lips close to Herc's ear and whispers, "I love you too, Hercules Hansen. Have ever since I first met you."_

_Herc draws a deep breath in surprise and squints his eyes shut against the emotions threatening to overwhelm him. He never expected to hear Stacker say those words, and they mean more to him than he can ever explain. He has to feel Stacker, one last time, and he doesn't hesitate to claim his lips in a long kiss fuelled by despair. Stacker opens to him immediately, tilts his head and welcomes his tongue with the same desperate intensity that Herc feels. He claws his fingers in the fabric of Stacker's shirt and revels in the frantic touch of Stacker's hands on his back._

_They pull back only slowly, reluctantly. Herc rests his forehead against Stacker's, and he feels their hectic breath mingling. How is he supposed to let go, knowing that he will never touch Stacks again?_

_It's only his sense of duty and the deeply ingrained discipline that make him let go of Stacker. He takes a deep breath and steps back resolutely. He needs the physical distance between them to regain his composure, to become the Marshal's second in command again, the man they need him to be right now. "Let's go get you suited up."_

_Stacker holds his gaze, and for a long moment Herc fears that he's going to say something more. But then he just nods and Herc lets out a relieved breath. He knows he won't be able to keep up his act otherwise. He needs the professionalism now. Yet he insists to accompany Stacker into the drivesuit room and he stays the entire time the techs suit him up. It's a sight he hasn't experienced in almost ten years, and Stacker still looks as majestic and impressive in his black Coyote Tango drivesuit as Herc remembers him._

_Once Stacker is suited up, they make their way to the Jaeger bay. Chuck doesn't know yet that he's going to pilot with Stacker and Herc knows it has to rub his nerves raw to_ not _know. Right before they step into the Jaeger bay, Stacker stops and turns towards him. His hand comes to rest on Herc's neck, pulls him close. He bends down and touches his lips to Herc's, slow, soft, and with so much feeling that Herc fears he will break. His hands find Stacker's side, wrap around the battle armour that is cold under his fingers, and just holds on. He closes his eyes, opens his mouth and actively challenges Stacker's tongue for one last encounter. There's a low groan coming from Stacker, almost stifled but not quite, and it makes Herc shudder. It has always been a huge turn on for him that Stacks reacts so strongly to him._

_It lasts for a half a minute, maybe less, yet for this very moment, Herc feels as if they're the only two people in the world, never mind all the personnel milling all around them. This is their moment._

_Their last moment._

_They pull back simultaneously. Herc brushes his nose against Stacker's, rests his forehead against his for moment, then he straightens and steps back. It takes all his strength and every last ounce of discipline to let go of him, and he can see in Stacker's eyes that he's not the only one fighting._

_"Let's go save the world." Herc says with a smirk, but his voice is rough and breaks around the edges._

_Stacker nods and transforms from the man Herc loves into the Marshal of the PPDC right in front of his eyes. His posture is impeccable and his every move conveys strength and confidence. Herc follows him into the Jaeger bay where Chuck, Tendo, Mako and Raleigh are standing together. Chuck isn't suited up yet and Herc knows it's because he doesn't know who his co-pilot is going to be. He understands immediately when he sees Stacker in his Coyote Tango drivesuit, though, and his gaze flickers to Herc. There's a question in his eyes, he understands, but yet he's confused. Herc nods to him and then turns his attention to Stacker when he begins speaking._

_It's a very good pep talk, short as it is, because the people are filled with renewed enthusiasm, hope and motivation once Stacker finishes. It's one of his many talents, to motivate people and to instil the believe that they can truly do it, that they can actually defeat the Kaiju. There are many very good reasons why Stacker in the PPDC's Marshal._

_Minutes later Herc finds himself following Chuck and Stacker who are on the way to the elevator that will bring them to Striker's Conn-Pod. He can't hear what Stacker is saying to Chuck's rather loud question how the heck they are supposed to match up in the drift, but whatever it is he says, Chuck shakes his hand a moment later and nods. Herc feels his throat close up when Stacker sees him, gives him one last long look and a private little smile that tells him all the things they can't say now. Then Stacker turns around to wait in the elevator, giving Herc and Chuck the little bit of privacy that's possible given the circumstances._

_Herc fights the wave of emotions that almost shatters his composure when he sees the glistering in Chuck's eyes. There's no bullshitting attitude, no fake bravado, no disappointed anger directed at Herc now, just honest sadness and regret, and a tad of fear. Chuck knows he won't be coming back._

_"How're you going?" Herc almost forces the words out. It's a stupid question, but he needs an opening, a moment to find his voice, because it threatens to fail him. "When you drift with someone, you feel like there's nothing to talk about. I just don't want to regret all the things I never said..."_

_"Don't. You don't need to." Chuck in on the verge of tears too, and it tells Herc more than a thousand words could have. "I know them all."_

_"I love you, Chuck, and I'm so proud of you." Herc says with a firm voice, needing to make sure that Chuck knows it. There are enough things he regrets, this isn't going to be one of them. So Herc reaches out and pulls Chuck into a short but heartfelt hug, willing him to understand all the things he doesn't have the words for. Relief washes over him when Chuck doesn't push him away, but instead allows the embrace, even returns it._

_Then Max barks, picking up on the anxious atmosphere, and Chuck kneels down to him and kisses him on the head. It breaks Herc's heart. When Chuck stands back up and turns to leave, there's a sincere little smile on his lips. "Catch you in the drift, dad."_

_It almost makes Herc choke, but he forces a smile and a nod. He can't speak, though, just watches his son and his life partner walk off together to certain death. When the doors of the elevator close, Herc stands rooted in place for a long moment, then he straightens, squares his shoulders and forces all feelings to the very back of his mind, out of the way, because now he's in charge and he has to do his very best. There is a lot at stake._

_The whole world as they know it, in fact._

_Herc enters LOCCENT only a minute later, Max by his side. He's all business now and does his job of leading the mission from this side. It's too easy, his gut tells him, when Striker and Gipsy reach the Breach without interference from the two Kaiju swimming around it. And then Geiszler and Gottlieb barge in, bringing the news that the plan won't work. That's why the Kaiju held back. They knew that the Breach was secure. But the two crazy geniuses bring a solution for the problem as well, even if it's anything but easy._

_Of course that's when everything goes to hell. A category V Kaiju - the first ever - emerges from the Breach, and suddenly there's no doubt anymore that this is a suicide mission. Gipsy gets mangled pretty badly and Striker is hit so strongly that the payload release mechanism gets jammed. Their run on the Breach is almost over before it has even come close to the target, and their main weapon is rendered inoperative. Herc can only listen in shock, the realisation setting in that things can't get much worse._

_Of course they can._

_It's when Herc hears Stacker order Gipsy to head for the breach that he knows they've reached the end of the journey. Stacker's voice comes over the comms, passionate and strong to that last moment. "We can clear a path. For the lady."_

_Chuck doesn't hesitate. He has the same strength as his mother, Herc thinks not for the first time. He'll do what is right, no matter the cost. "Well, like my father always said, he said, if you have a shot, you take it."_

_The words sound tinny over the comms, but they hit Herc like a punch in the stomach. He knows his son, he knows Stacker. He knows what they are going to do even before Tendo says it out aloud, sounding stunned and shocked._

_"They're going to detonate the payload."_

_There's so much Herc wants to say,_ needs _to say, so many things he should never have left unsaid. But it's too late, there's no time. Chuck knows that he loves him, Stacker knows that he loves him. It will have to do, although it will never be enough._

_Herc hears Mako over the comm telling Stacker that she loves him, and then the feed is cut. The sensors report to LOCCENT the massive explosion of the payload on Striker's back. Herc feels that hole opening in his chest again, something dark and empty that swallows whatever happiness he has known. He remembers the feeling only too well from when Angela died. He has to close his eyes for a second, needs that moment to regain whatever composure he can find left within him. He has to go on, lead those people, do what Stacker trusted him with. Mako and Raleigh are still out there fighting, and he can't abandon them now._

_They manage, they get into the Breach, literally riding Slattern's back. Then Raleigh ejects Mako in the escape pod, her oxygen is cut and he doesn't need her to finish the mission. Herc knows Raleigh wants her safe, wants to know she has a chance of survival, as small as it may be. He triggers the reactor malfunction, which of course doesn't work as planned - would have been too easy, Herc thinks with a grim set to his mouth - and Raleigh works his way over to the reactor hatch do self-destruct manually. After that, the only thing they all can do is wait and hope._

_"A direct hit! The breach has collapsed!" Tendo's voice is hollow with disbelief when he says those words, as if he's not sure he can trust what the instruments tell him._

_Herc doesn't let the good news distract him from the important stuff. He turns towards the room, shouting, "Send the choppers! Send the choppers now!"_

_He'll be damned if he allows even one more person to die on his watch. Mako and Raleigh need extraction - if they're still alive. Herc won't make them wait._

_He turns to Tendo who's tracing Mako's escape pod which has just surfaced, her vital signs strong and healthy. At least one survivor, Herc thinks, and tensely waits for Raleigh's pod to appear on the screen. There's no telling if he has even managed to eject, nor if the pod has made it back through the breach in time before it collapsed, but Herc isn't willing to give up hope yet. He needs it to keep going._

_Then there it is, but the sensors give no vital signs. Herc listens to Mako telling them she can't find his pulse, and Herc hears the fear in her voice, feels it. Raleigh has to live, he's suddenly Herc's final straw. He can't die, because it would break him._

_Herc can't hide his relief when Raleigh's voice comes over the comms, muffled but there. It's then that the tension in LOCCENT eases, and Herc approaches the mircophone. Tendo gives him an encouraging nod. He seems to be the only one who remembers that Herc has just lost everything._

_"This is Marshal Hercules Hansen." It feels wrong, so wrong, to say those words. It should be Stacker saying them. "The Breach is sealed. Stop the clock!"_

_The room, no, the whole shatterdome explodes in cheering, in joy, in disbelief. People are hugging, giving each other high fives, laughing, crying, shouting. It's done. They have done it. At the moment the countdown stops, Herc knows that a new era has begun for the world, a new chance at life._

_At the same time he feels his own world finally collapse. He has lost everybody he loved. First his wife. Now his son and his life partner. There's nothing left for him in this world but a bull dog that will always keep waiting in vain for its master to come home. Herc takes a deep breath, trying to find some measure of strength in the joy and the hope of the people around him. He knows he will need it._

_There's nothing left for him in this world, but his duty isn't done yet._

***

 

Hong Kong Shatterdome, January 10th 2025

 

Herc jerks awake suddenly, his heart beating frantically, his skin covered in cold sweat.

He stares at the ceiling for a long second, trying to calm his breathing. He suddenly sits up and turns around, his gaze scanning the room for Chuck, needing proof that it has just been a dream. A nightmare of the particularly unsettling kind. One that could have been reality.

He finds Chuck sleeping on the bunk on the other side of the room. His breath is regular and deep, telling Herc that he's ok. No nightmares - not that Chuck would admit to it, but Herc _knows_ \- no restlessness, no pain whatsoever. Ever since that first drift with Raleigh - and whatever else they got up to afterwards - Chuck's sleep is calmer and more restful, Herc has noticed. As if he found a measure of peace he didn't have before.

Herc lets out the breath he hasn't been aware he was holding. With the relief comes resolution. Stacker and Chuck in one and the same Jaeger, heading for certain death, a suicide mission with a thermonuclear bomb strapped to Striker's back, is the absolute worst scenario Herc can think of. No matter what, he won't let it happen. He won't let this nightmare actually become reality. 

The two most important people in his life killed in the same incident. He won't allow them to leave him behind. If the shit really hits the fan, then Herc will go out with them. He'd readily die fighting by their side, but not staying behind in LOCCENT, listening and watching them die, totally helpless. He has drifted with both Stacker and Chuck and the resident connection is always there, and in his dream he _felt_ them die - where they had been, there was suddenly a big void in his mind. He hadn't been able to do anything to save them. It was the worst feeling he has ever experienced. It was Angela's death all over again. 

He just knows he won't survive it a second time.

Back then, he had Chuck who he had to live for, and Stacker to support him. In his dream, he had nothing left. Victory just won't be worth anything without Chuck and Stacker. 

Suddenly seeing Chuck is not enough anymore. Herc remembers with crystal clarity the moment he'd lost Stacker. He feels the twisting of his insides again, so real that he needs to make sure that Stacker is all right, too. He has to see Stacker, has to feel him, touch him, assure himself that he's still there, still alive and breathing.

He has to tell Stacks those three words neither of them ever said, because he doesn't want to wait to the last moment. He doesn't want to miss his chance. Just like in his dream, Herc doesn't understand anymore why he has never said them before.

The urge is so strong that Herc doesn't think twice, he just gets up as quietly as possible as to not wake Chuck, puts on his pants and grabs his boots. He walks to the door on his socks and only puts his shoes on once he's outside in the hallway and the door is closed behind him. He knows exactly how loud those boots are.

The hallway is deserted at this late hour. There are only living quarters in this section of the shatterdome; LOCCENT, the mess and the Jaeger bays will be busier. Herc takes the fastest route to the Marshal's quarters, meeting only two guards on his way through the 'dome. He knows the way by heart, has walked it more times than he can count. It takes him only a few minutes, then he's knocking unceremoniously on the metal door, no matter that it's two in the morning.

Stacker opens the door on his fourth knock, his expression wide awake although he's wearing only boxer shorts and a t-shirt which tells Herc that he has been in bed. He was obviously expecting a kaiju-related emergency, and he relaxes ever so slightly when he sees Herc's sleep rumpled condition. Herc knows his hair is probably sticking out in whatever direction, his t-shirt has obviously been slept in, and his boots aren't fastened correctly.

Stacker looks at him for a second, takes in his appearance and the haunted look in his eyes, and frowns. "Herc? What happened?"

Now that he's face to face with Stacker, Herc just stands in the doorway and feels so lost. There's so much he wants to say, yet he finds no words.

Stacker seems to get it, steps aside to let Herc in and closes the door behind him.

"What happened?" he repeats, this time his voice is gentle and the worry is obvious. Herc has never done that before, show up in a condition like this in the middle of the night, and he is aware that it worries Stacker.

"Bad dream." Herc admits without hesitation. He knows Stacker understands, won't mock or tease him. He has a fair share of bad dreams of his own, Herc learnt a long time ago.

"The real kind?" Stacker asks quietly, 

"Yeah." Herc lets out a shaky breath, has to close his eyes for a moment. "Very real."

"Come here." Stacker mumbles and pulls Herc into an embrace. Herc wraps his arms around him as tight as physically possible and buries his face against his neck. Stacker's arms close around him in response, and oh god, it feels so good to know him alive. Herc doesn't think he will ever be able to forget that moment when he heard the bomb explode, when the feed was cut once and for all. 

"I love you, Stacks." He has said it before he can even make the conscious decision to do so. "And I don't care how bad things are going to get, we're going to face and fight them together. Don't even think of leaving me behind."

"I may think it, but I will never do it to you." Stacker replies quietly, pressing a lingering kiss to Herc's temple. "I know too well what it means to stay behind when the people you love deploy to fight, and you're not there to have their back."

Herc swallows hard, realising just what it does to Stacker to watch him go out in Striker to fight Kaiju while he has to listen from LOCCENT, with no real power to interfere. Only now that he's been in his shoes in that horrible dream does Herc _really_ get it, on a level that's not logic but entirely emotional.

Herc pulls back just enough to look at Stacker. "I don't know how you do it."

Stacker is quiet for a moment, then he sighs. "It's the only way I can keep fighting. And I'd rather stand in LOCCENT than not be there at all."

Herc nods slowly. He understands it completely, and he knows he'd do the same thing were their roles inverted. The only difference is that Stacker is good at what he's doing, he can juggle politicians and military leaders and still be every inch the fighter he was in a Conn-Pod. He's highly respected because he is truly devoted to the war against the Kaiju and isn't in it for the politicking and the power. Herc wondered from time to time what would have become of the PPDC if Stacker hadn't taken over its leadership. Men like Stacker are hard to find. 

"I hope you know what it means - not just to me, to all of us at the PPDC - that you keep fighting." Herc cups Stacker's strong jaw and looks him in the eyes, trying to convey all the feelings he doesn't know how to put in words. "I don't know what I would do without you here."

Stacker smiles that private little smile only very few people ever get to see before he touches his lips to Herc's. "Thank you, Herc."

They stand in Stacker's hallway for a long moment, wrapped into each other's arms, taking comfort in the presence and the closeness of each other. It's one of the things they never do enough, Herc thinks and lets his hands draw meaningless patterns on Stacker's back.

"Come to bed." Stacker says at some point. He doesn't ask Herc if he wants to stay, he simply takes his hand and guides him to the bedroom. Herc sheds his boots and pants, not really caring where they land. Then he pulls off his t-shirt because he needs to feel Stacker's skin, warm and real, against his own. 

Stacker seems to get it and his t-shirt joins Herc's on the ground before he settles between the sheets and then holds them open for Herc to join him. There's no hesitation on Herc's part. He curls around Stacker, one arm wrapped tightly around his waist, the other hand resting on Stacker's left chest, right over the tattoo that spells Herc's name. The skin is elevated ever so slightly, and Herc's fingertips pass over the markings in a gentle caress.

He hides his nose against Stacker's neck, closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, inhaling Stacker's scent that he loves so much. It calms him down, allows his mind to find its way back into reality. It's what he needs right now.

Stacker cuddles against him, then he entwines their fingers and pulls Herc's hand up to his mouth to press a lingering kiss to his knuckles. It's one of those loving gestures Stacker only shows him when they're alone, and Herc cherishes each and every one of them. 

"I love you too, Herc." Stacker's voice is the low, mesmerizing timbre that comes from deep within his chest. Herc loves it when he sounds like that. "I already fell for you in Afghanistan."

It's almost freaking him out how the words seem identical with what the Stacker of his dream said. It's the real, honest emotion behind the words that keeps Herc grounded in the here and now. 

He touches his lips to the back of Stacker's neck, stays there for a long moment. "Took us long enough to say."

He feels Stacker nod slowly. "It's been almost ten years since you kissed me in the Academy's Kwoon."

Herc tightens his arms around Stacker and presses as close as possible. "I'm glad I did." 

"So am I." Stacker's voice has that dark, rough quality again the Herc can never get enough of and it wraps around him like a soothing blanket. "Try to get some sleep, Herc. We have a long day ahead tomorrow."

Herc closes his eyes and inhales Stacker's scent again. "Thank you, Stacks."

"Always." He can hear Stacker's smile in his voice and it makes him feel warm all over. He feels at home with Stacker, no matter where they are. It only hardens his resolution that whatever the future brings, Herc will not let Stacker or Chuck face it alone. He will be right by their side, no matter what.

They're his family. They're his to protect.


	24. Hard Decisions (Stacker/Herc, Chuck/Raleigh, Stacker & Mako)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The time to launch Operation Pitfall is approaching. They can all feel it like a dark shadow hanging over them.

_Hong Kong Shatterdome, January 11th 2025_

 

Stacker awakes to the feeling of Herc's teeth gently nibbling on his neck and Herc's hand moving teasingly slow on his growing erection. Stacker doesn't bother to open his eyes, he just groans and pushes into the fist that's wrapped around him, then back against Herc's hard dick he can feel between his thighs. It's been a long time since they woke up together, since they could touch like this first thing in the morning. Stacker loves it and indulges in it without any shame. It's a rare pleasure, and he intends to make the most of the opportunity.

He feels Herc's approval of his intention over the ghost drift, feels his arousal, his desire, and it fuels his own even more. Herc's free hand wanders all over Stacker's body, over his chest, his stomach, his throat. He makes Stacker bend his head backwards until he can kiss him, long and deep and passionate. Stacker arches back into him, gives as good as he takes. He loves it when Herc takes the lead, when Stacker can just let go and trust Herc to take care of him.

Herc's hands never stops moving, one keeping up the slow rhythm on his erection, the other sliding down Stacker's back, trailing along his spine and then caressing his butt. Stacker lifts his leg to grant Herc better access, and only a second later the fingers are back, slick with lube and touching with clear intent. Stacker presses back into the touch, allows the pleasure to overtake his mind when the first finger enters him and hits his prostate with practised ease. 

Herc is biting his neck, just this side of too hard, and it makes Stacker's mind go blank. God, he loves Herc's rough side, loves to give in to it and take all the pleasure it has to give - not tender and gentle, but rough and demanding. Herc feels his arousal over the ghost drift as well as in his hand where Stacker's leaking erection is undeniable proof of his pleasure. Stacker doesn't bother to control the sounds that leave his mouth, deep groans and hoarse moans, and he feels how every sound pushes Herc higher. 

There's a second finger joining the first, scissoring and stretching him, still never forgetting to make him see stars. Herc knows what he likes, not only because of the ghost drift but because he _knows Stacker_ , his likes and dislikes as well as all his quirks. So he makes a point of bringing Stacker close to the edge again and again, just to ease off and restart the delicious torture. He keeps it up until he's satisfied that Stacker is loose and ready for him, until he has him writhing under his touch. Then Herc slides into him, slowly and almost teasingly, and Stacker doesn't bother to stifle the low groan he feels in his throat. He loves the feeling of Herc stretching him when he first enters him, it's one of his guilty pleasures that he never admitted out loud, but he knows Herc feels it over their connection every single time they make love.

Stacker presses back into Herc when he starts thrusting, their movements just as much in sync as the always are, and Stacker lets himself get carried higher and higher by the slow, teasing thrusts, by the constant stimulation of his prostate and Herc's hand on his erection. He loves feeling Herc's hot breath on his neck, hearing his moans and sharing his ecstasy over the ghost drift. It's intimate in a way he knows only perfect matches can ever understand. 

"Herc..." Stacker reaches back to pull Herc's head down to him, he wants to feel his lips, taste his mouth. Herc understands without words and follows Stacker's touch, leans in until their lips meet. He slips his tongue into Stacker's mouth in the same moment that he speeds up his thrusts, the grip of his hand tightening just enough to make Stacker twitch and groan with the sudden additional stimulation. Stacker lets go of his last bit of control and just _feels_ , his hips jerking to meet Herc's thrusts, his eyes closed in total bliss and his mouth open against Herc's, sharing his breath. 

Stacker feels Herc's orgasm build over the ghost drift, it loops back to him and fuels his own ecstasy. Their movements become frantic but are still amazingly in sync. It takes only a few more thrusts and Stacker is pushed over the edge. He arches his back, all his muscles tense and his entire body prickling with release. He feels Herc pulse inside him, filling him with his hot seed at the same time as he bites down on Stacker's shoulder with a barely suppressed groan. It's utterly satisfying, the burn adding to Stacker's pleasure, and he shakes with aftershocks when Herc gives his last thrusts.

Stacker's head sags down, his breathing is laboured and his mind pleasantly dazed with the slowly fading orgasm. Herc is plastered against his back, softening inside Stacker, the ghost drift alive with their pleasure, their satisfaction, their bond. He feels the rising and falling of Herc's chest in his back, the same rhythm as his own breathing, and they slowly calm down together, coming down from their high.

"The perfect way to begin the day." Stacker says with a lazy smile, his eyes still closed. 

Herc chuckles against his neck. "I agree. We should do it more often." 

"We definitely should." Stacker leans back against Herc's chest, enjoying the way he tightens his arms around him. "I'm hungry."

Herc kisses his shoulder, the same spot he bit when he came. "Let's get some breakfast, then."

It's still early, only shortly past six in the morning, and Stacker indulges in the fact that they still have the time to eat a leisurely breakfast together. It doesn't happen too often, and one of the advantages of having the Marshal's quarters is that there's a fully functional kitchen so that there's no need to go to the mess hall to get a coffee or something to eat.

Stacker gets up and goes to the bathroom before he joins Herc in the kitchen. The coffee machine is already running, the delicious aroma spreading through the room, and Herc is busy preparing bacon on toast for them. Stacker was never much of a cook, so he likes it a lot that Herc insists on his bacon and toast for breakfast. It means he gets some, too. 

"Smells good." Stacker remarks and presses a kiss to Herc's bare shoulder before he gets the mugs and plates out of the cupboard.

"Tastes good, too." Herc replies and turns the sizzling bacon around with the ease of years of practise. The coffee is about done when Herc puts the bacon on the toasts that Stacker made for them, then he turns to the coffee machine. 

"Stacks, what do you make of Chuck and Raleigh?" Herc asks while he pours them each a cup, and Stacker knows exactly what he's talking about. The shift in their attitude towards each other after their first drift couldn't be greater, and it's impossible to miss it. Their connection is at least as obvious as their inability to keep their hands to themselves when they're around each other.

"They're a perfect match, Herc." Stacker raises an eyebrow. "And you do realise that all perfect matches are couples, right? Either they were together before the official match or got together quite soon afterwards."

"It has come to my attention, yes." Herc replies with a dry chuckle. The Kaidanovskys are the only ones who were already a couple - married, even - before they were officially matched as pilots. 

"As for Chuck and Raleigh, you must have noticed that Chuck seems more at peace and is less... _unsocial_." Stacker remarks. It's an observation he's sure Herc made himself, too. "They're good together. Good for each other."

"Let's just hope that doesn't change." Herc replies with a sigh and sips on his coffee.

"It won't." Stacker replies because there's no doubt about it. "Relationships between drift partners, especially between perfect matches, are different. You know that." 

"I know." Herc smirks at Stacker, then he takes a bite of his toast. "I already talked to Raleigh."

Stacker snorts. He has a faint idea of how that conversation went. "Please tell me you didn't threaten to dismember him if he hurt Chuck? We still need him to make the run on the Breach."

Herc chuckles. "No, I told him I was sure he already knew that I'd make his life hell if he hurt Chuck."

"That makes it so much better." Stacker replies before he continues eating.

"Well, I also told him that I was sure he wouldn't hurt Chuck. Perfect match thing." Herc raises his mug to his mouth, but stops mid air and shakes his head in fond disbelief. "God, Stacks, you should have seen him watching Chuck. If I wasn't sure what they were up to before, I'd definitely know after that look. Especially considering that Chuck was wearing Raleigh's sweater."

That makes Stacker almost choke on his toast. "He did _what_?"

It must be a mistake - Chuck would never do something that... _cute_. Domestic. Openly affectionate. With Raleigh, of all people, whom he had wanted to kill just a day ago, a fact he has made clear to everybody who came across them. It's not that Stacker doubts that Chuck is capable of affection - he knows he is, because despite everything, Chuck is deeply loyal to those he loves, even if he does his best to pretend that he isn't. No, it's the fact that he so clearly shows his affection for Raleigh for the entire Shatterdome to see that has Stacker stare at Herc in disbelief. 

"He wore one of those sweaters Raleigh always runs around in." Herc repeats before he takes a sip of his coffee and puts the mug back down. "On top of that, they had switched their dog tag chains. Not on purpose, mind you - Raleigh actually blushed when I pointed it out to him. As if I didn't know what they're doing."

Stacker raises an eyebrow and smirks. "I think we both know quite well what they did in those hours between the simulator session and dinner. We would have done the same thing in their stead. Why do you think I gave them the rest of the day off?"

Herc shudders. "There are things I do _not_ want to imagine, Stacks. My son's love life is one of them. It's enough that I know they're together now, and that Raleigh is a good man who might actually be able to kick Chuck's arse when he deserves it."

Stacker smirks. "That sounds promising." 

"It sure does." Herc sighs and gets up to wash up his plate. "God knows I've never quite managed."

Stacker gets up and carries his own plate over to the sink. Herc takes it and washes it up as well while Stacker dries the dishes. "It's a hard thing to do when it concerns your own child. Especially given the circumstances."

"I know." Herc dries his hands on the tea towel. "That's no excuse, though. Sometimes I wonder how much of Chuck's jerk attitude is my fault."

"You may have had a part in it, but he's a grown man now, Herc, he knows what he's doing." Stacker replies honestly. "And didn't you tell me it was getting better?"

"Yeah, we're making an effort. I don't know what changed, but Chuck seems willing to try to get along better." Herc returns to the table and takes up his mug. "Maybe it's this perfect match thing. We have something in common now that we didn't have before." 

Stacker joins him at the table and brings the coffee pot with him to refill their mugs. "Maybe. We know it's a pretty powerful thing. And I guess that this deep connection with Raleigh has some influence on him. It's quite an important moment, that first drift with your perfect match."

"It is. It feels so amazing to fight together as one." Herc accepts the refill and drinks, quiet for a moment. "What do we do about Operation Pitfall, Stacks?"

Stacker holds his gaze. "Now that Mako is injured and can't pilot, there's only one option left."

"Yeah." Herc's mouth turns into a thin line. He knows what's coming. 

"You and I, we take Striker and the payload to the Breach. Chuck and Raleigh run defence for us in Gipsy." Herc says, almost in the exact words Stacker would have used himself. Herc has long since come to the same conclusion as him. "Neither the Weis nor the Kaidonovskys are in any condition to pilot. Neither is Mako. And the only drift compatible pairs are you and I, and Chuck and Raleigh."

Stacker nods. "And I know you don't want Chuck in the same Jaeger as the payload."

Herc sighs. "No, I definitely don't. I know it doesn't make much of a difference in the chance of survival on this specific mission, but I still don't want it."

"So _we'll_ deliver the bomb. Give the boys a chance to come back from this mission."

Herc is silent for a long minute, then he focusses his gaze on Stacker, his blue eyes sharp. "And you?"

Stacker knows that he's referring to his piloting a Jaeger, but decides to point out that it doesn't really make a difference. "I could ask you the same thing, Herc. We'll be in the same Jaeger."

"That's not what I mean and you know it." Herc doesn't sound angry, instead he seems to be tired, weary. He knows they have to do the mission, and there's no doubt that they will. "Even if you and I were to survive the delivery - and everybody knows it's technically a suicide mission, just nobody says it aloud - and we'd get back here, the damage that piloting a Jaeger will do to you is unpredictable. Most likely it's going to kill you."

"Most likely." Stacker admits, because everything else would be a gross disrespect of what Herc means to him. He never lied to Herc, and he won't start doing so now. "But this is worth it, Herc." 

"I know." Herc gives him a stern gaze. "You are aware that I wouldn't let you do this if I wasn't going to be in the Conn-Pod with you, right?"

"Your dream?" Stacker asks although he knows. He felt it yesterday when Herc showed up on his doorstep, looking a lot like he had eleven years ago when Stacker had told him that his wife had been killed. The ghost drift had been brimming with barely suppressed pain, fear and loss, and the few pictures Stacker had got from Herc's dream had told him all he needed to know. 

"Yeah." Herc shudders involuntarily and for a second there's such a pained expression on his face that Stacker feels a shiver run down his back. "Let's just say that I will not allow it to become reality."

Stacker stands up and steps behind him, then he wraps his arms around his waist to pull him close. He's not sure if it's to comfort himself or Herc. "We'll do it together."

Herc leans against him and nods after a moment. "Works for me."

"Good." Stacker presses a kiss behind Herc's ear, then he steals Herc's coffee and takes a sip before he hands the mug back and sits down at his side of the table again. He can tell that Herc is still thinking about the mission and waits patiently for him to voice his thoughts.

"How sure are you that you'll be able to pilot? Shouldn't we do a test run?" Herc asks after a minute or two. 

"I fear we can't do a test run." Stacker replies. He has been thinking about the same thing for a while now. Ever since Mako was injured, in fact. "There's no way of telling if I'll manage to drift a second time. We will have to take the risk. It's the only chance we have."

Herc doesn't look happy with it, but he knows it's true. It's obvious that he doesn't like the entire idea, but there's no other way and they are both well aware of that. All pilots of Operation Pitfall most likely won't come back, and while Stacker knows that it bugs Herc to send Chuck out on a suicide mission, he also respects that Chuck would do it no matter what Herc told him. It's the man he is - he may behave like a jerk most of the time, but he will do what's right, no matter the cost. Like all the Rangers. It seems to be a trait necessary to do the job.

"Let's hope we'll manage to seal the Breach." Herc's voice is very quiet. "We won't be able to try again."

"Our final assault with everything we've got." Stacker takes a deep breath. What weighs on him most isn't the risk for himself, though. It's the worry about how Mako will deal, because she will be the one left behind. "I have to talk to Mako. I don't want to spring this on her when the others are around."

"Yeah, that wouldn't be good. She will hate having to stay behind." Herc finishes his coffee and gets up. He quickly washes up his and Stacker's mug and puts them away. Stacker sits at his usual spot at the table, a frown on his face. He doesn't know how he can tell Mako without hurting her. He knows that she won't let it show how much it affects her, but with Stacker, Herc, Chuck and Raleigh on Operation Pitfall, she will lose all of the people that mean something to her. Stacker knows she would deal a lot better if she was fighting in a Conn-Pod with them, but her broken collarbone has very effectively put her out of commission. In a twisted way Stacker is glad that she won't be at the front line of this battle. He can't help it, he still wants her to be safe although he knows she's a grown woman now, and a very good Ranger who is perfectly capable to do her duty. 

Herc pulls him out of his musing when he steps up behind him and presses a kiss to his bare shoulder. "Want to share the shower?"

"Hmmm." Stacker closes his eyes and takes comfort in Herc's closeness. He knows that their time is running out. Who knows how long they have left before they have to attack the Breach.

He follows Herc into the bathroom and lets his boxer shorts join Herc's briefs on the floor. The warm water runs down his skin while Herc slowly washes Stacker's hair and body, his touch firm but soothing, and Stacker allows himself to enjoy every moment of it before he returns the favour. He loves to shower with Herc, it's a strangely intimate act that even over the years has never lost its appeal. 

When they're done, Herc borrows a pair of boxers and a fresh t-shirt from Stacker. He slips in his pants and boots and steals a last kiss, then he heads back to his own quarters to get ready for the day. Stacker gets dressed and is sitting in his office by seven o'clock, going through the never-ending paperwork that has accumulated on his desk.

At ten o'clock Stacker sends a message to Mako, asking her to come by his office. She knocks on the door only ten minutes later, wearing grease-stained J-Tech overalls. Even the sling for her arm is covered in grease. It's obvious that she's been working on one of the two remaining Jaegers.

"Sir?" She asks, standing at attention by deeply ingrained habit.

"Relax, Mako, this is not official business." Stacker says and comes out from behind his desk. He still isn't entirely sure how to tell her. She has lost so many loved ones in her young life, and he feels terrible for adding to it. And he's not just leaving her alone, he's also taking all her closest family and friends with him. Herc, Chuck, Raleigh. All of them.

She relaxes, but only a bit. It's her nature to stand straight and to be alert, it's not just training. 

"Sensei?" It's the shift in address as well as the expression on her face that tells Stacker that she knows something is wrong. 

"We have established the pilots for Operation Pitfall." Stacker begins and sees her getting tense immediately. "Chuck and Raleigh will take Gipsy Danger and run defence. Herc and I will pilot Striker Eureka and deliver the payload."

Her brows are pulled together and her lips are a thin line. It's her eyes that strike him most, though, because they're actually scared. He hasn't seen that in a very very long time. Still her voice is controlled when she speaks. "Getting back into a Jaeger will kill you." 

Stacker looks her in the eye, makes a point of letting her see that he hasn't taken this decision lightly. "Not getting into one will kill us all."

He can see that she knows that, understands it, but that doesn't make it any better. She doesn't want to lose him. He knows the feeling only too well, it's the same reason he was so reluctant to let her into a Jaeger in the first place.

"There are no pilots left, Mako. You, the Weis and the Kaidanovskys are still out of commission, and all other pilots are dead." Stacker keeps his voice gentle although the words he delivers are hard. "And we stand a better chance to successfully complete this mission with two perfect matches in the Conn-Pods."

"I understand." Mako drops her gaze, nodding slowly. When she looks up again, there's determination in her eyes. "I have to get back to my work, sensei. Permission to be dismissed?"

"Permission granted." Stacker replies quietly. She bows and turns around. Stacker watches her leave and stares at the door for a long time after she has vanished through it. He takes a deep breath and slowly lets it out again. She's up to something, he can tell, but he's not sure what it is.

It's almost noon when Stacker receives a rather agitated call from Dr Geiszler. He's still in Hong Kong City where he's been watching over the proceedings of the Kaiju offspring's preparation for his second drift experiment. He's talking a mile a minute and doesn't make too much sense, even to Stacker who's used to his unorthodox ways. In the middle of his ramblings the voice changes and it's Dr Gottlieb who takes over the phone. From Newton's indignant complaints in the background Stacker can tell that Gottlieb must have literally snatched the device out of his hand. 

"We have very important new information that you need to integrate into your planning, Marshal." His voice sounds excited as well as highly worried, and that's very unusual for Gottlieb. It gets Stacker's undivided attention immediately. "We will return to the Shatterdome within the hour and it would be best if we meet in our lab, Marshal."

"Agreed, Dr Gottlieb." Stacker replies and contacts LOCCENT as soon as the call ends. He has Tendo get the pilots for Operation Pitfall together so that all of them will hear what Gottlieb and Geiszler have to tell. It seemed rather important, and there's no need to prolong the chain of information - especially considering that they never know when they will have to attack. Stacker is sure it will happen soon.

An hour later Stacker listens to Gottlieb and Geiszler finishing each other's sentences while they're reporting the results of their second drift with a Kaiju. He's worried to learn that the thermonuclear bomb needs a Kaiju to actually get through the Breach, because that's a factor they can barely influence. It's hard enough to defeat a Kaiju, but to get it back into the Breach with a bomb seems almost impossible. They will try nevertheless. At least they know about this extra layer of security - Stacker doesn't even want to think about what would have happened if they had attacked the Breach without that knowledge. Maybe he owes Geiszler an apology.

Stacker stands close enough to Herc that he can feel his warmth, and it has the same calming effect on him that it always has. He can't help watching Raleigh and Chuck who're practically glued to each other's side, although they're professional and completely focussed on the matter at hand. It's the need to touch that is especially strong in the first few weeks after first drifting with your perfect match, Stacker still remembers how much effort it took him and Herc to hold back after their first night together. As long as it doesn't influence their performance - and Stacker knows that it won't - he doesn't have a problem with them touching in one subtle way or another as soon as they're in the same room.

"Sir." Raleigh is looking at Stacker with a mixture of curiosity and worry. "Who is going to pilot?"

"You and Mr Hansen will take Gipsy Danger." Stacker replies. He knows Raleigh is wondering about who is going to be Herc's co-pilot. "Herc and I will pilot Striker Eureka."

"Sir?" Gottlieb frowns. "Are you even drift compatible?"

Out of the corner of his eye Stacker sees Chuck suppress a smirk. Ah, so he knows. "We are. In fact, we're a perfect match."

"Can't say I'm surprised." Raleigh murmurs under his breath and Stacker holds back a chuckle. Now is not the time to let the mask of the PPDC Marshal slip. Not yet.

"We do not have the strength to keep another attack at bay, so we have to hit the Breach before there is one." Stacker reminds them. "We have to be ready to strike at any moment, gentlemen. Dismissed."

The preparations for Operation Pitfall have been running at full speed ever since the double event. It's important to get Striker and Gipsy to one hundred percent functionality as quickly as possible because there's no way of telling when they'll need to move out for Operation Pitfall. 

Nobody expected it to happen quite so quickly, though. 

It's just a day later, almost four days after the double event, when the Breach opens again and two signatures appear, hovering right above it. The appearance of the two Kaiju forces their hand. The PPDC doesn't have the capacity nor the Jaegers it will take to defend whatever city the Kaiju are going to hit once they start moving. With only Striker Eureka and Gipsy Danger left, they have to attack _now_ , before the Kaiju do. 

Stacker orders the crews to get the Jaegers ready for immediate deployment as soon as Tendo informs him of the appearance of the two Kaiju. Time has finally run out. 

He meets Herc in the drivesuit room where the techs suit them up with quick and practised movements. Only four minutes later they're down in the Jaeger bay, surrounded by PPDC personnel, Raleigh and Chuck among them, also in their drivesuits. Stacker steps onto a halfway dismantled foot of a Jaeger so that he can address the entire Shatterdome bay, and does his best to get them in high spirits. They will need it for the mission they're about to launch. It will be anything but easy.

Afterwards Stacker makes his way over to the lift and finds Mako waiting in the hallway, standing tall, her back straight and her shoulders squared. She's wearing her J-Tech overalls and there's a little black streak across her right cheekbone. She must have been working on the Jaegers to the very last minute. That's his girl, Stacker can't help thinking, she'll never give up. 

"Sensei." Mako bows when he approaches her. There's an uncharacteristic stiffness to the gesture that tells him that she's holding back her feelings, trying to be strong and responsible. It makes his heart clench, because they both know this is good-bye, and Stacker knows he'll regret it forever if he doesn't make Mako understand how much she means to him. She's his daughter, his family, and he won't let his position as Marshal stand in the way of showing her that. He knows he won't get another chance.

Stacker reaches out, touches his hand to her cheek and makes her look up. He smiles at her, real and heartfelt, because he wants, no, _needs_ her to know that she's loved, that he's proud of her and that ever since she came to live with him, she has brightened his life. "You're a brave girl. I'm so lucky to have seen you grow." 

Her eyes are glistering with unshed tears, but she doesn't say a thing, still standing straight.

"If I'm going to do this, I need you to carry on for me here." Stacker can read all the hurt in her eyes at the knowledge that she will not see him again. There's a single tear running down her cheek now, and it makes Stacker's insides clench to know that he caused her that pain. "Can you do that?"

Mako presses her lips together, never breaking their gaze, and nods. She's brave and loyal and so incredibly strong, and Stacker is so proud of the woman she has become. He pulls her into an embrace, the first one in years, and he feels her uninjured arm wrap around his waist in a tight grip. He presses a kiss on the top of her head and says so quietly that only she can hear it, "I'm proud of you, Mako."

She tightens her arm around him for a second, lets him know how much it means to her without saying a word. Stacker lets go of her and gives her a last smile. She straightens and visibly pulls herself together until she's the composed Ranger he's seen so often. She'll make do.

Stacker turns to the elevator and waits inside for Herc who has just said goodbye to Chuck. Stacker watches Mako say something to Herc, and he pulls her into a spontaneous bear hug before he ruffles her hair in the way he did when she was a young girl. She smiles involuntarily and it makes Stacker feel warm all over. She knows they love her.

Stacker isn't surprised to see Raleigh pull Mako into a heartfelt hug too, but he has to admit that he didn't expect Chuck to do the same. Then Raleigh and Chuck turn and walk in the direction of Gipsy's bay, their movements in sync in a way that's typical for perfect matches. They disappear out of view just as Herc steps into the elevator. The doors close and Stacker turns to Herc at the same moment as Herc turns to him. They don't need words to communicate, they both know that this is their very last opportunity to touch each other. Once they're strapped into their harnesses, that's it. So Stacker leans in and touches his lips to Herc's, a slow and deep kiss that Herc returns with equal passion. The bulky drivesuits are a bit of a hindrance, but Stacker still melts into Herc's embrace, wanting to feel him for one last time. 

It takes not even half a minute for the cabin to rise to the level of Striker's Conn-Pod, and by the time the doors open, Herc and Stacker are standing next to each other, their posture perfectly straight. Only their slightly swollen lips betray what they just did. 

There are J-Techs inside the Conn-Pod, waiting to establish the connection between the drivesuits and the harnesses. Stacker walks up to the left side while Herc takes the right. There's a thrill somewhere low in Stacker's stomach, coming from being inside a Conn-Pod again, feeling the sheer mass of the powerful Jaeger around him and Herc's presence beside him. He never expected to pilot again, and it's just now that he realises how much he missed it. 

The techs leave as soon as their work is done, and Stacker hears the massive door close behind them, then the hissing sound tells him that it's sealed. The screens flicker to life all around them and Stacker easily falls into the routine of pre-launch checks.

"LOCCENT, Conn-Pod door is sealed." Herc report over the comms.

"Copy that. Striker, ready to initiate neural handshake?" It's Tendo, and he sounds just the tiniest bit nervous. He's well aware that this moment is crucial - nobody knows if Stacker will actually be able to hold a steady drift or if the neural load will overtax his brain.

Stacker catches Herc's eyes. He can feel his excitement, his anticipation as well as his worry over the ghost drift, and he feels the same emotions inside himself. But now that they're so close, he craves the drift with Herc so much that he doesn't hesitate to reach out for the comm to reply. "LOCCENT, we're ready."

"Engaging pilot to pilot protocol now. Initiation of neural handshake in fifteen seconds." Tendo informs them and begins to count down. 

Stacker is still looking at Herc. He can't wait to feel him inside his head again, the strong, precise connection that's the drift, so much clearer than the ghost drift they have shared ever since their first neural handshake. 

"Three..." 

A wave of warmth wraps around Stacker, and he smiles at Herc. They both know how dangerous this can be, but now it's too late to worry.

"...two... " 

Stacker straightens, closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, preparing for the connection.

"...one."

And suddenly it's back, that rush of emotions, of thoughts, of feelings, of _Herc_. It feels so good, so incredibly good, he doesn't have the words to describe it. He feels whole again, and only now does he realise how much he missed that feeling, that _completeness_ , in those past nine years.

They don't need any words, their minds are one, their thoughts are one, _they_ are one. For a moment Stacker can't even bring himself to care that this drift will destroy him, that the neural load will deep-fry his brain, he just knows that he never wants to miss it again. He feels Herc's overwhelmed pleasure, his complete bliss at being one with Stacker again, and it echoes inside him, a loop that never stops.

_I missed you so much._ Stacker sends over the drift and feels Herc smile. It's so intense that he wants to revel in it forever.

_So did I_. The words are as clear as if Herc had said them aloud. _God, it feels so good to have you in my head again, Stacks._

Stacker lets all his barriers, all his mental shields come down to show Herc everything he had wanted to share with him ever since the Tokyo. He needs Herc to truly understand how much their road trip through Australia meant to him, how important it was in defining the course of his life. He needs Herc to feel why he got the tattoo and how much it means to him that Herc got his name under his skin. There's so much he wants to share, almost ten years of it, and he's at the same time spellbound by all the things Herc shows him, lets him experience. 

It's one of the most intense moments of his life. Stacker knows that no matter what it'll do to him, the chance to drift with Herc again is worth it.

"Striker, your neural handshake is at one hundred per cent, nice and strong." Tendo's voice cuts in, and the relief is plain in it. Tendo knew how big the risk was, that they couldn't tell if Stacker had a problem maintaining the drift until they tried it. If he had, it would have happened during the initiation, though, and since it didn't, they're good to go.

"Striker, Jumphawks are ready for extraction."

The whole Jaeger shudders when the massive cables pull tight and the Jumphawks slowly lift Striker Eureka out of the bay. Stacker feels Herc's mind in his, merged, complete, one. Their connection is brimming with all the memories they're exchanging, and Stacker turns to smile at him. Herc catches his gaze immediately and smiles back, the real, lopsided smile that Stacker loves so much.

It doesn't matter if they come back from this mission or not, as long as they'll do it together.


	25. Operation Pitfall (Stacker/Herc, Chuck/Raleigh, Mako, Tendo POV)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the single most nerve-wrecking mission of his entire career with the PPDC. It's only the deeply ingrained discipline that keeps Tendo from biting his fingernails while he watches Striker Eureka and Gipsy Danger attack the Breach.

_Hong Kong Shatterdome, January 12th 2025_

 

"Striker, your neural handshake is at one hundred per cent, nice and strong." 

Tendo watches the readings on the screens again and marvels at the sync of both of his pilot pairs. He always found that there is a beauty to the readings of a perfect match, their neural handshake flawless and strong in a way a normally linked pilot pairs can never achieve. Having two perfect matches at the same time is kind of mind-blowing, and he would be even more awed if he didn't know what lies ahead of them. If he didn't know that most likely none of the pilots will come back from this mission.

Right after the decision had been made about who would pilot the Jaegers for Operation Pitfall, the Marshal had pulled Tendo aside and had told him that he'd be in charge as soon as the mission started. With both Pentecost and Herc out in the field, Tendo is the next in line. He's the highest ranking officer, and has been with the PPDC almost since the beginning. Tendo doesn't want to be responsible for the entirety of the PPDC, especially not in light of the decisions he will be facing, no matter how the mission goes. He still does it, though, because it's his duty and Pentecost trusts him to do right by the people he's in charge of. 

Tendo in turn has recruited Mako to help him, because he knows he will need somebody with the skills to deal with the press, with politicians and governments. It's not his forte, but he's absolutely certain that Mako can do it. She's Pentecost's daughter, after all, and they're more alike than they think. She is polite and has a good feeling for people, and she has steel in her back. It's a very handy combination.

Tendo shakes himself out of his musings and focusses on the mission. "Striker, Jumphawks are ready for extraction."

He watches the procedure for a moment or two and waits for Gipsy Danger's Jumphawk crew to tell him that they're in position. 

"LOOCENT, ready for extraction." It's Greg, the leader of Gipsy's Strike Group, and his voice sounds tinny over the comms. The noise of the rotor blades is strong in the background.

"Copy that." Tendo rolls his swivel chair to the next console. "Gipsy, Jumphawks are ready for extraction."

"LOCCENT, we're good to go." Chuck answers immediately, and Tendo smirks. Raleigh was never one for official communication.

"Jump two, you're cleared." Tendo tells Greg and follows the progress of the Jaeger launch on his screens. It goes off without a hitch - not really surprising, considering how often they've done it - and then the journey to the Breach begins.

Operation Pitfall. How appropriate a name for the attack on the Breach, which has indeed proven to be a link to hell. Tendo wonders what it would be like to live without the constant fear of another Kaiju attack, and finds that he can't remember what it _was_ like. The Kaiju War has taken up such a huge part of his life, made him who he is now, and he finds it difficult to imagine a life without it. Still, it's what he and everybody else in the PPDC is fighting for, and now that they're so close to it, he feels an almost palpable tension fill the entire Shatterdome. Because everybody knows it can turn either way now - defeat the Kaiju and close the Breach, or fail, lose their last two Jaegers and remain completely defenceless against the next Kaiju attack.

The flight to the Breach takes a little over six hours, and the tension in LOCCENT rises the closer they get. Half an hour before the scheduled drop Newton and Gottlieb find their way into LOCCENT and linger in the background, for once not bickering. Mako arrives a few minutes after them with Max following her. She comes to stand at ease behind Tendo and watches the readings attentively while Max presses against her legs. Her posture is seemingly relaxed, but Tendo sees how the hand in the sling is opening and closing now and then. It's an underrated but sure sign that she's very tense. Of course she is, she knows as well as everybody else how crucial the next hour is. 

"Striker, Gipsy, you're nearing drop position. ETA three minutes." Tendo announces when they're almost there. "Get ready to disconnect transport on my mark."

"Copy that, LOCCENT." Herc replies and Chuck confirms immediately afterwards. Tendo feels the tension rise with every moment that passes. 

Tendo watches the screens and waits for the strike groups to arrive at the coordinates for the drop. "Striker, Gipsy, disconnect transport." 

"LOCCENT. Disengaging transport now."

Tendo watches through the belly cameras of the Jumphawks how Striker and Gipsy fall and then land in the water right at the edge of the Marianas Trench, and he knows that this is it. The final attack on the Breach has begun. There's no turning back now, it's their last attempt with everything they've got. They have to succeed, because the consequences of failing would be catastrophic. 

"LOCCENT, all ports sealed. Ready so submerge." Herc's voice is calm and professional. Chuck repeats his words, then both Jaegers begin to disappear underneath the ocean's surface. Soon the cameras of the lingering Jumphawks can't pick them up anymore, and Tendo turns to the display showing the entire area surrounding the Breach. The Jaegers are well inside the planned landing zone, and their descent to the ocean floor almost seven thousand metres beneath them has begun. It'll take about fifteen minutes according to their estimations. 

Tendo checks the readouts for the neural handshake, and both pilot pairs are still at one hundred per cent, their drift even and strong and impressively in sync. The readings of the Jaegers are good, too. Under normal circumstances the sealed ports would cause problems of overheating, especially for Gipsy with her nuclear reactor, but the low deep sea temperatures are going to ease the strain, even if it's not enough to even the odds. It's not like anybody expects Gipsy to come back from this mission, so it's a calculated risk.

Also, they have bigger issues. The two Kaiju are still circling the Breach, and Tendo worries about the speed and agility they've shown so far. They are in their element, while the Jaegers are definitely not. "Two actives still in circle formation in Guam quadrant. Codenames Scunner and Raiju. Both category IV." 

"Roger that. When we come up to the ocean cliff, we jump. It's three thousand metres to the Breach." It's Pentecost. Tendo knows he's just speaking for the benefit of LOCCENT and Gipsy. Herc and Pentecost don't need words to communicate while in the drift. Heck, even when they're not drifting they rarely need words. 

"I can't even see a damn centimetre ahead." Chuck growls back over the comms. "Visibility zero. Switching to instruments now." 

The dots that represent Striker and Gipsy keep moving, slowly but steadily. The readouts of the Jaegers and the pilots tell Tendo that walking is difficult and that the silt is making every step an effort. 

Then one of the Kaiju starts moving, circling the Jaegers. "Gipsy, there's movement on your right! Three o'clock! Three o'clock!" Tendo reports its path to the Jaegers immediately, but even the time it takes him to speak is enough for the Kaiju to move away from the position he mentioned. Shit, it's really, really fast. 

There's a moment of silence, then Chuck replies. "Right flank's clear. I got nothing."

"Left now!" Tendo shouts, following the impressively quick movements on the display. "And moving fast! Fastest Kaiju on record!" 

"I don't see anything! It's moving too fast!" Chuck's voice is tense, it's obvious that he doesn't like playing a blind mouse chased by a supercharged cat. The pilot surveillance readings show his inner tension in spikes of his adrenaline level.

"Just keep going, Gipsy. Six hundred metres from the drop." Herc sounds calm and sure, although his readings tell Tendo that he's just as tense. All the pilots are, in fact. It's not really surprising. 

The green dots that represent Striker and Gipsy keep moving steadily towards the edge of the trench, and the Kaiju keep circling them. Tendo doesn't like it one bit. The Kaiju should have attacked by now, there were enough openings for them to do so. Something is wrong. 

Striker jumps first, with Gipsy following closely behind. The landing after the three hundred metre fall is eased by the silt, and both Jaegers sink in deeply. Then the green dots on Tendo's holoscreen are moving again and Herc's voice comes over the comms. "Four hundred metres and closing."

Tendo still feels uneasy. As if to confirm his suspicions, the red dots symbolising the two Kaiju suddenly remain stationary when before, they'd been circling the Jaegers incessantly. 

"Boogies are stopping!" Tendo zooms in to get more readings and frowns. There's no obvious reason why they would hold back.

"Striker, boogies are stopping. One o'clock." Mako relates the news to the Jaegers while Tendo takes a moment to analyse the data pouring in from various sources. Nothing gives any indication as to why the Kaiju stopped, or why they haven't attacked so far. It's a very unusual behaviour for them.

Striker comes to a halt, and this time it's Pentecost speaking. "LOCCENT, any idea why they're stopping?"

"No, sir." Tendo shakes his head, never mind that the pilots can't see it. "It doesn't make any -"

"They know that we know!" Tendo hears Newton's excited voice shout right behind him and when he turns around, he finds that both scientists have somehow drifted from the back of LOCCENT to his consoles in the very front. "It's a hive mind, sir, and the drift goes both ways. They know that we know about the genetic code that's necessary to enter the Breach, so they avoid coming close to you because that would be like handing you the key to their world." 

"We have to hunt us a Kaiju, then. Really, the one time we need them, those bastards aren't coming to us." Herc chuckles drily. "Never thought I'd complain about that."

"Well, seems like we need to go to them." Raleigh joins the conversation. "We just have to get close enough. And I hate to say it, but they're a lot faster down here then we are."

A warning blinks on Tendo's holoscreen and a third red dot suddenly pops up, right over the Breach.

"I have a third signature emerging from the Breach!" Tendo reaches for its symbol on the holoscreen and opens all the information that isn't shown in the original notification. As soon as he skims the data, his blood runs cold. Oh shit.

"It's a triple event." Newton says, sounding flat, even before Tendo can report his findings to the pilots.

"God, I was right." Gottlieb seems to be shocked and stunned, but certainly not triumphant.

"How big is it?" Pentecost asks. "What category?"

Tendo swallows hard and looks at Mako. She has seen the readings of the sensors as well, she knows even before he reports it. "It's a category five."

"Striker." Mako says into the mic, her voice betraying nothing of the anxiety that Tendo is sure she feels just as well as everybody else. "It's a category five. The first one ever."

"Oh shit." Chuck mutters, so quietly that Tendo is sure he hadn't intended to actually say it aloud.

Striker's head cameras transmit the real time video feed, and Tendo can't help but stare. First the faint light of Striker's floodlights doesn't reveal more than a huge shadow, bulky and massive and it just doesn't seem to end. Then there are several tails, long and vicious looking things with blades at the end. The Kaiju approaches the edge of the Breach where Striker is standing and enters the beam of light, showing its massive, hammer shaped head with a rather impressive muzzle. Man, he's an ugly bastard. 

'Slattern' sounds like an appropriate codename, Tendo thinks still rather stunned, and types it into the system. It pops up next to the newest red dot only a fraction of a second later.

Pentecost and Herc fall into combat stance immediately, unsheathing the swords on both the right and the left arm. They're ready for whatever comes next, but Tendo isn't sure that's going to be enough. This Kaiju is just off the chart. He's too big for just two Jaegers. Not to mention the less than ideal conditions.

"Striker, we see him." Chuck reports, and the green spot that is Gipsy is slowly approaching Striker's position. "We're right behind you by about a hundred metres. We're going to come round your three o'clock, trying to flank him. Standard two team formation. Just keep him busy for two-"

Chuck never has the chance to finish his message. The cat V isn't going for Striker, it's going for Gipsy. It moves so fast from its position at the edge of the Breach that Tendo doesn't even have the time to report its movement to the Jaegers. It hits Gipsy from the right side, the massive jaws closing around the arm and ripping it clean off. Tendo hears Raleigh scream in pain over the comms, joined by Chuck's laboured breathing when he takes on as much of Raleigh's pain as he can. It shows clearly in the screen relaying any drift related information as well as in the pilot surveillance readouts. Before they have time to recover, Slattern is heading for Striker. 

"Striker, brace for impact!" Tendo shouts in the exact moment that the Jaeger is hit by the tails of the Kaiju. Striker is thrown back by the force of the impact and crashes with the back against a rock formation. Warnings go off on the both of the Jaeger's readouts.

_Oh my god, I know what he's doing! _Tendo thinks while he's frantically skimming the data about Striker's and Gipsy's status. This Kaiju isn't holding back like the other two. It knows it's stronger, more agile and much faster than the Jaegers. It's clearing the path for the other two, inflicting enough damage so that Scunner and Raiju can move in without being at risk to get used as the key to open the Breach. It's a nasty plan, but Tendo fears it might actually work. Striker and Gipsy don't look too good right now, and the fight has not even lasted two minutes.__

__"Gipsy, Scunner is heading for you!" Tendo sees the red dot moving and knows right away that his theory is correct. Now that Gipsy is weakened, the Kaiju makes its move. "He's coming from your right flank."_ _

__Neither of Gipsy's pilots has time to reply before the warnings on the Jaeger's status monitor go off. There's massive damage reported for the right leg. With every second that passes, more warnings appear. This is bad, this is really bad._ _

__Chuck and Raleigh deploy the second chain sword and suddenly no new warnings appear anymore. Instead there's Raleigh's angry voice shouting, "Let's grill this son of a bitch!"_ _

__The sudden rise in Gipsy's hull temperature combined with Raleigh's words give Tendo a pretty good idea what the boys are doing, even without checking the feed of their head camera. He can't pay it much attention, though, because the other red dot, Raiju, is approaching Striker while the cat V is still right in front of the fallen Jaeger, slowly but steadily closing the distance between them._ _

__"Striker, you have Raiju joining the party. Time to get back on your feet." Tendo checks the readings of the Jaeger again. They should be good to get up._ _

__"Roger that, LOCCENT." Herc's voice sounds strained, his breathing is laboured, and Tendo takes one quick look at the pilot readings and knows that he's taken some painful hits. But suddenly Raiju turns around, a sharp but fluid motion that tells Tendo exactly how agile the Kaiju is in water, and then he's heading back towards Chuck and Raleigh._ _

__"Gipsy, Raiju's coming up at your twelve o'clock! At full speed! Get out of the way!" Mako's voice is sharp and Tendo throws a quick glance at the feed from Gipsy's camera. He sees the luminescent lines of the Kaiju approaching fast, then the blue hue of the Kaiju's blood fill the screen. It takes him a moment to understand that Chuck and Raleigh are using the Kaiju's momentum against it, their sword slicing through skin and flesh, hitting bone, passing through. The Kaiju sinks to the ground behind them._ _

__Tendo can't help an awed whistle. Neatly cut in half. Not bad._ _

__"LOCCENT, we're still on." Herc is panting. "But the hull is compromised. Half of our systems are overloaded."_ _

__Pentecost doesn't sound any better when he adds, "And we have a problem. The release mechanism for the payload is jammed."_ _

__As soon as the words are out, Tendo feels an icy shiver run down his spine. This is it. Humanity has failed. If they can't get the bomb delivered, there will be no tomorrow for them._ _

__"We can still deliver it, though. Heading for the Breach now." Herc's voice sounds ragged and at the same time determined. "And that category V will be our key."_ _

__Tendo looks at Mako and finds her gaze directed at him. He can read in her eyes that she's thinking the same thing - they'll detonate the payload, with the tiny difference that the Jaeger will still be attached to it when they do._ _

__"Sir, maybe if you override the-" Mako doesn't get any further, because Slattern slams into Striker and pushes the Jaeger backwards. It connects hard with another rock formation which breaks under the impact, and then they roll over until the Kaiju manages to press Striker to the ocean floor. The head cameras give a perfect view of the massive talons that just a moment later crash into Striker's left side, setting off even more warnings on LOCCENT's status screen for the Jaeger. A few moments later Striker manages to ram the swords of both hands into the flesh right under the joints of Slattern's arms, and they push in deep. The effort it takes Pentecost and Herc to keep up the pressure flares up in the pilot surveillance monitors, but both pilots hold it, press deeper, pull up._ _

__The camera feed shows a stark increase in blue hue, and then the Kaiju falls backwards, its two front arms almost severed. It reels back and forth, obviously injured enough that it causes problems for the Kaiju. It retreats a few steps, then it opens its mouth wide and there's a sound frequency like a shock wave coming out, hitting everything it its way. There's not enough force to do any real damage, but it only takes Tendo a second to realise that that isn't its purpose._ _

__The time it took Gipsy to take care of Raiju was enough for Scunner to get back up from its unfavourable position on the ground, and now it's circling the crippled Jaeger, clearly waiting for the best moment to attack. As soon as the sound wave reaches the Scunner, it turns immediately and heads for Striker. Slattern called for backup, and now Striker is in real trouble._ _

__"Both Kaiju are converging on Striker! Fast!" Tendo reports when red dots on the holoscreen start moving. Oh god, this is a no-win situation. Striker is already damaged, it can never take on two Kaiju of that size. And Gipsy's leg slows the Jaeger down too much for it to ever reach Striker in time._ _

__"Hang on, Striker, we're coming for you!" It's Chuck, and there's a desperate note creeping into his voice. He must know that they won't get to Striker in time._ _

__"No! Gipsy, do not come for our aid! Do you copy?" Herc's voice is hard, but Tendo can hear that there's fear underneath it._ _

__"Hang on!" Chuck shouts back instead of an answer, and the green do that it Gipsy keeps moving very slowly towards Striker's position. The Kaiju are far ahead of them, and so much faster._ _

__"Fall back as fast as you can!" Pentecost orders, because there's no doubt that this is an order. His tone says it all._ _

__"We can still reach you! We're coming for you!" It's clear that Chuck is not willing to give up just yet, never mind how hopeless the situation is. Tendo bites his lip, there's nothing he can do but watch. It feels like torture._ _

__"No, Chuck, listen to me! You know exactly what you have to do! Gipsy is nuclear! Take her to the Breach!" Herc's voice sounds tinny over the comms, but the emotion behind his words are still clearly comprehensible. In response there's a moment of silence that almost breaks Tendo's heart. He doesn't even want to know how Chuck and Mako must be feeling right now. But the truth is that Gipsy is the better choice for the mission right now. They're closer to the Breach. They have a Kaiju carcass right in front of them. And she's nuclear, she can do the job just as well as Striker's payload._ _

__"I hear you, Dad." Chuck sounds firm and there's no hesitation in his words. He knows it, too. "Heading for the Breach now."_ _

__The green dot moves back, away from Striker and towards the Breach._ _

__"LOCCENT, we will clear a path. For the Lady." Pentecost's voice leaves no doubt that the decision has already been made._ _

__Tendo understands immediately. "They will detonate the payload."_ _

__Mako looks at him for a moment, and Tendo knows she has come to the same conclusion. She's composed, standing straight and her face neutral, but Tendo has a vague idea of how much she's hurting inside. Her hand is shivering slightly with the force she's using to clench it to a fist._ _

__"Mako! Listen! I'll always be here for you. You can always find me in the drift." Pentecost's voice is more emotional than Tendo has ever heard him. He's not holding anything back._ _

__Mako presses her lips together in a thin line, and for a moment Tendo can see all the fear, the pain and the sadness on her face. It's just a quick flicker, then she has regained her composure._ _

__Tendo turns back to his screens and finds that the two red dots, Scunner and Slattern, have almost reached Striker. The Jaeger's readings indicate that Pentecost and Herc have armed the payload, and the warning signal is ringing through LOCCENT, informing them that the payload is still attached to its carrier. Because this was never meant to happen, that's why they had a warning for it installed. Tendo has to grit his teeth to keep himself from reacting to it. It's out of the corner of his eye that he sees Mako reaching for the mic again._ _

__" _Sensei, aishite imasu!_ " Mako says and then there's a boom before the connection is cut. Tendo feels his insides freeze when he watches the blast spread over the screen, the sensors transmitting the immense scale of the explosion. There is no surviving that kind of blast._ _

__"Dad!" Chuck's shout is involuntary, Tendo can tell by the high-pitched, very uncharacteristic note of panic in his voice. He knows it has to be the moment Chuck feels the connection between himself and his dad being severed and it makes Tendo's skin crawl. He knows he can't even come close to imagining what that must feel like. The ghost drift between pilots is something only a fellow pilot can ever really understand, somebody who's been in a drift as well, who knows what it means to share their mind with another person. Considering that Chuck's drift partner is... _was_ also his father has to make it even worse._ _

__There is a moment of utter silence filling LOCCENT, it's stunned disbelief, it's shock. Tendo turns and sees Mako's face frozen in a painfully neutral expression, and she's unnaturally pale. One look in her eyes tells him that's she's dying on the inside right now. She just lost both of her fathers. She may not say it aloud, but Tendo has known her, Pentecost and Hansen senior well enough to know that she has considered Herc her second adoptive parent for years. Just as much as Chuck is her brother, and she knows she will most likely lose him too within the next half hour, along with Raleigh who very very quickly became her best friend. Still, she stands tall and doesn't show it, every inch Pentecost's daughter, strong to the very last moment. The mission isn't done yet._ _

__As soon as the blast fades, Tendo tries to get Gipsy on the line. "Gipsy, do you read?"_ _

__"LOCCENT, all our systems are critical. We're also leaking. Our right leg is crippled. But we're on our way. We have the Kaiju carcass." It's Raleigh this time, and that tells Tendo a lot about Chuck's current condition. "We're a walking nuclear reactor. We can destroy the Breach. Let's finish this."_ _

__"What are they doing?" Newton looks around with a confused expression on his face._ _

__Tendo watches how Mako turns towards him, her eyes dark with sorrow, but her voice is firm. "Finishing the mission."_ _

__"You'd better be right, Newt." Raleigh says and Tendo follows the green dot that is slowly approaching the edge of the Breach. "Because one way or another, we're getting this thing done."_ _

__Fifty metres. Forty. Thirty. They're almost there._ _

__Of course that's the moment when a red dot suddenly pops up on the holoscreen, a big red dot with the code name 'Slattern' written right next to it. Tendo hears Chuck growl over the comms. "You've got to be kidding me."_ _

__"On my count. Rear jets." Raleigh shouts and Gipsy keeps moving, the pace unbroken. "Three, two, one. _Now_!"_ _

__The Jaeger is suddenly propelled forwards, hitting the Kaiju with all the momentum it could gather, pushing it over the edge of the Breach. The Jaeger's status readouts report that the chain sword has been deployed, and then the altimeter announces that the Jaeger and the Kaiju are falling._ _

__Suddenly warnings go off all over the Jaeger's status monitor. The last remaining cameras show that the wicked tails are hitting Gipsy wherever they can reach, a last battle from the dying Kaiju. The attack hasn't lasted more than a few seconds so far, but the damage it is inflicting on the already heavily marred Jaeger is immense._ _

__"Chuck's oxygen is down! Half capacity!" Tendo quickly scans over the pilot's readings, gathers all the information he needs and rolls his chair over to the Jaeger's display._ _

__"Did you reroute it?" Mako follows him, her steps brisk._ _

__"I'm trying!" Tendo is typing furiously, but it doesn't work. Gipsy's systems are too damaged. Tendo considers it a miracle that he still has access to them at all._ _

__"Hold on, Chuck! I'm going to burn this son of a bitch!" Raleigh sounds angry, and just a second later the nuclear turbine is fired. The attack ceases almost immediately, and Tendo can only guess what the incredibly intense burn is doing to the Kaiju. Whatever it is, it works._ _

__Suddenly the energy readings spike, then the Jaeger and the Kaiju are gone. Tendo picks up their signature in the throat, even if it's only faint._ _

__"They're in!" Tendo can't keep the relief out of his voice. He wasn't so sure that the Breach would actually let them pass, that the plan Gottlieb and Newt had come up with would really work. There's a general sigh of relief echoing through LOCCENT. Obviously Tendo wasn't alone in his doubts._ _

__There's heavy breathing coming over the comms. It's Chuck, who's almost entirely out of oxygen and close to suffocating. Suddenly his levels get better while Raleigh's get worse._ _

__"He's giving him his oxygen!" Tendo says loud enough for the others to hear. At the same time, Raleigh's voice comes out of the speakers, sounding rough with the effort to speak while running out of breathable air._ _

__"It's all right now, Chuck. We did it." There's a pause and Raleigh takes a laboured breath before he continues. "I can finish this alone. Everything I have to do now is fall. Anyone can fall."_ _

__"Raleigh, your oxygen levels are critical now. You don't have much time. Start the core meltdown and get out of there! Do you hear me? Get out of there _now_!" Tendo is still speaking when he sees on the Jaeger's readouts that Raleigh has triggered the ejection of Chuck's escape pod. It pops up on his tracking screen a moment later, heading up the throat towards the opening of the Breach at the bottom of the ocean. "One pod is ejected. No detonation yet."_ _

__"LOCCENT, do you still hear me? I'm initiating reactor override now." It's obvious that every word is an effort, and Raleigh sounds like he's about to keel over. Tendo knows he won't give up before finishing the mission, though, and when the computer signals the malfunction of the core meltdown, Tendo is absolutely certain that Raleigh will not survive. There's just no time left._ _

__"What's happening?" Newton looks lost, trying to make sense of the tens of different alarms and warnings going off all over LOCCENT._ _

__"Trigger's offline! He has to do it by hand!" Tendo shouts back while he's pushing his swivel chair with enough force to roll to the display showing the pilot vitals._ _

__"He's out of time! He has to self-destruct now!" There's a note of panic to Newton's voice, but Tendo ignores him. He has more pressing matters to deal with right now. The line is silent but for Raleigh's haggard breathing, and Tendo follows the readings that tell him that he disengaged from his harness. He must be making his way through the Conn-Pod right now, and Tendo pointedly doesn't think about the fact that Gipsy has retractable floor panelling that will leave the entire substructure exposed and make it a dangerous maze at the best of conditions._ _

__These aren't the best conditions._ _

__There's a shout, some groaning in effort and then Raleigh is finally reporting back. "Manual override initiated. Core meltdown in T-60!"_ _

__Tendo curses when the readings he's getting get weaker and weaker. "Raleigh, get out of there!"_ _

__There's no answer, not even static. Tendo has no idea if Raleigh even heard him. Gipsy's status monitors show that the connection between LOCCENT and the Jaeger is severed. Tendo tries everything he can think off, but he can't regain access. He knows that the sixty seconds haven't passed yet, Gipsy has not yet detonated, so that's not the reason for the missing connection. It has to be the throat, it's probably interfering with the signal._ _

__Just then the sensors they have installed all over the ocean floor come to life. On the holoscreen, the throat is slowly dissolving._ _

__"Direct hit! The Breach has collapsed!" Tendo shouts it, unable to believe what he's seeing. But it's there, the data flowing in. telling him the same thing all over again. The Breach has collapsed._ _

__He can't grasp it._ _

__"Send the choppers!" Mako orders with a voice that's loud enough to cut through the beginning of the cheering. Everybody jumps to action right away, reminded that their duty isn't over yet. They're still missing two pilots that can be saved._ _

___Maybe_ two. _ _

__"We have one escape pod!" Tendo announces as soon as he's back in front of his screens. "It's Chuck. He's heading for the surface."_ _

__"Vital signs?" Mako is right behind him, checking the data for herself._ _

__"Strong and steady." Tendo replies and hears Mako breathe out with relief, but he feels that the tension in her body hasn't eased. He knows why - Raleigh's pod hasn't shown up on their tracking system at all. That means that either that the pod is damaged and doesn't send out a signal, or that Raleigh didn't eject - or that he didn't make it out of the throat before it collapsed._ _

__"Where's the second pod?" Tendo growls, leaning over the console and staring at the screen as if the intensity of his gaze makes any difference. One minute passes, two, three._ _

__Nothing happens._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a massive cliffhanger, I know that, but I had to do that in order to make the next fic work. I hope you can forgive me! ^_^ *bribes with cookies*


	26. Recovery (Chuck/Raleigh, Chuck & Herc, Chuck & Mako, Tendo)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All Chuck can do is wait for Raleigh to wake up from coma while the world around them keeps moving.

_The Pacific Ocean, close to location of the Breach, 12th January 2025_

 

The almost claustrophobic quarters of the escape pod open suddenly and Chuck feels the fresh air touch his face, fill his lungs, reviving him. He sucks in a deep breath and his eyes snap open to be greeted by the sight of the blue sky. Chuck lies there for a second or two, trying to remember what's going on, and then he's hit by the memories. Operation Pitfall, a category V Kaiju, his dad and Pentecost blowing up Striker to give Chuck and Raleigh the time to get Gipsy into the Breach, his oxygen line getting cut...

Raleigh! Chuck jerks upright, eases out of the escape pod and stands up, looking around him, There's only water, the surface calm, for as far as he can see. No second escape pod.

"Where's Raleigh?" Chuck asks aloud, not even sure his comm systems still works.

"Chuck? Chuck, are you all right?" It's Tendo, and his voice is tense.

"I'm fine." Chuck knows he sounds impatient, but the only thing that matters right now is why Raleigh's pod isn't there. "Tendo, where's Raleigh? Where's his pod? Did he eject?"

He sounds frantic to his own ears, maybe even close to panic, but Chuck doesn't care. He's turning on his own axis again and again to keep an eye on the water around him, to not miss the moment the second pod breaches the surface. Nothing happens, though.

"We don't know, Chuck. We're getting no signal from the pod at all." Tendo's voice is strained, as if he has to force out the words.

"What do you mean? You don't even know if he made it out?"

"No, we don't." The edge to Tendo's voice is palpable.

Chuck falls silent, he doesn't have any words left. It can't be! He keeps turning on the spot, keeps looking, because he can't stop. Stopping would mean to accept that Raleigh is gone, that he's not coming back, and Chuck can't do that. He hears Mako over the comms, ordering the choppers to get to him, but he doesn't care. He tries to feel for Raleigh over their ghost drift, but there's nothing. It could be the distance between them, he wouldn't know because in the entire time they've been... _connected_ , they've never been that far apart. So maybe it doesn't mean a thing. 

Not knowing only makes it worse.

Chuck has lost his sense of time, he just keeps turning and looking, and every second that passes without anything happening makes his insides clench into a painful ball. He knows that time is of the essence, if Raleigh doesn't show up soon it means that he didn't make it out of Gispy before he triggered the self-destruction. It's a possibility, Chuck knows that, but he's still not willing to accept it.

He almost doesn't dare to believe his eyes when there is an explosion of white foam some thirty metres away from him, caused by an escape pod breaching the surface of the ocean. 

"I can see his pod!" Chuck shouts and doesn't hesitate a moment to dive head first into the water. He has never swum that fast in his entire life, putting all his strength into it to get to Raleigh as quickly as possible. The drag of the drivesuit slows him down, but it only makes him double his efforts.

He grips the side of the pod and heaves himself on top of it, and oh god, it looks bad. The pod's hull has suffered massive deformation and the deep scrapes covering it indicate that it was hit by something at high speed. More than once. There has to be structural damage too, Chuck can tell that right away, because the lid wasn't cast off when the capsule breached the surface. It should have been, it's protocol when the seas are calm and the temperature is acceptable. 

"Chuck? What's happening? We still don't get any signals from the pod!" Tendo's voice is worried but Chuck doesn't answer, he's too focussed on getting in position to trigger the manual release - because he knows Raleigh's oxygen had been running out when he made Chuck eject. As soon as the lid is gone, Chuck rips off Raleigh's helmet and presses his fingers to his pulse point. There's nothing, no movement at all.

"I can't feel his pulse! I don't think he's breathing." Chuck presses out, but that's not the worst. "I can't feel him, Tendo!"

He almost chokes on the words. There's a big, painful hole in his mind where Raleigh's presence used to be ever since their first drift. Now there's nothing, and it scares him beyond reason, because he's holding Raleigh right here in his arms and there's only one possible explanation why he's not in Chuck's mind as well. 

When Striker triggered the payload Chuck felt the connection to his dad being severed, same as he can't feel Raleigh now. He knows what that means. Chuck hasn't realised until this very moment how much space the connections to his dad and Raleigh took up in his mind, and how much he took them for granted. In face of the sheer nothingness Chuck is close to desperation. Never in his life has he felt more alone.

"No, no, no!" Chuck pulls Raleigh closer, hugs him, willing him to wake up. He can't accept to lose Raleigh now, not after they survived Operation Pitfall. This... _thing_ between them is still so new, it's just been a few days, and there's so much more for them to explore, to learn, to experience. For the first time in his life did Chuck really connect with somebody, never mind their initial problems, and he can't imagine going on without it.

"Don't go! Don't you dare!" Chuck growls into Raleigh's hair, holding him impossibly tight. His nose is buried in Raleigh's hair and Chuck has to squeeze his eyes shut to keep from crying. Actual, real, heartfelt tears. He hasn't cried since his mom died. 

"I'm not done with you yet, Rals!" He doesn't care that the entire LOCCENT will be able to hear him, it doesn't matter. If he really loses Raleigh here and now, nothing will ever matter again. His dad is gone, and if Raleigh leaves him too, Chuck will lose it. Not even Max will manage to keep him sane.

"You're squeezing me too tight." The words are low and laboured, and as soon as he hears them, Chuck suddenly feels Raleigh's presence in his mind again. He pulls back just enough to be able to look into his face, and Raleigh smiles at him with his puppy smile that Chuck will never admit out loud he finds utterly adorable. "I couldn't breathe."

Chuck chokes out a laugh and can't quite decide whether he wants to kiss Raleigh or hit him. Before he can do either, Raleigh blinks, once, twice, and he's out again. Chuck can still feel him in their ghost drift, though, and it's the only thing that keeps him grounded. 

"Tendo, get those choppers here!" Chuck says and cradles Raleigh's unconscious form close again. "Raleigh is alive, but he just blacked out on me. He needs medical assistance. Now!"

"Thank god." Tendo's voice is hoarse with relief. "ETA of the choppers three minutes. Hang in there, boys."

Chuck nods, no matter that Tendo can't see it. "Will do."

Over the open comm line Chuck listens to Tendo announcing the closure of the Breach, and then loud cheering fills his ears as the entire Shatterdome explodes in triumphant joy. 

"We did it, Rals." Chuck whispers into Raleigh's ear. "The Breach is sealed."

It feels unreal. Chuck has spent most of his life in the shadow of the Breach and the permanent threat of a Kaiju attack, he can't quite imagine a world without it. The sound of the choppers approaching pulls him out of his musings, and he focusses on the important things at hand. It doesn't take long for the highly trained retrieval crew to get the still unconscious Raleigh on board, followed by Chuck who straps into the seat next to the stretcher where Raleigh is lying. He takes hold of Raleigh's hand immediately, not caring what the crew will think. He needs the physical connection.

As soon as they set down on the Shatterdome's lading platform Raleigh and Chuck are whisked off to the medical bay where two teams of doctors and nurses are waiting for them along with some J-techs from the drivesuit crew to free both pilots of their suits. They bring Chuck into a different room than Raleigh, and the only reason he doesn't object forcefully is that he can still feel Raleigh in his mind, the connection strong and steady. As long as he feels it, he will let them do their job. 

They put Chuck through multiple tests and examinations, poke and needle him for what seems hours - he can't tell, his sense of time is totally screwed - then they dress his wounds and finally, finally leave him in a bed with stiff, starched linens. Only now that the adrenaline wears off does Chuck take notice of all his various injuries. There's almost no spot on his body that doesn't hurt in some way. He's tired, but he can't find any rest as long as he doesn't know how Raleigh is doing. 

He's just about to get up and find somebody to tell him when the head doctor, a middle aged woman from New Zealand by the name of Maree Nash, comes into his room. She was around for most of his tests and now she's carrying a tablet much like the one Mako takes everywhere. 

"Ranger Hansen." She greets him with a curt nod, quickly checking some data on her tablet. She looks strict and business-like and Chuck has still not decided if he likes her or not. "You were reasonably lucky all things considered. You suffered oxygen deprivation, but it wasn't severe enough to cause any damage. You also sustained a light concussion and severe circuitry burns all down your right arm. I'm sure you have noticed that you have a multitude of contusions and bruises all over your body. Those are painful but harmless. We will keep you overnight for observation, but you will be discharged tomorrow morning-"

"That's all good, Dr. Nash, but I don't really care." Chuck interrupts her. "All I want to know is how Becket is doing."

She raises an eyebrow and Chuck is quite sure she is about to tell him off for his behaviour. She doesn't look like she will let him get away with any rudeness, and that hasn't happened in a long time. She's totally unimpressed by the fact that he just saved the world, he's in her turf and if he doesn't behave respectfully, she won't do him any favours. That includes information about Raleigh's condition, since Chuck is neither a next of kin nor a superior officer and has no right to ask for it. 

Chuck quickly changes his approach and allows her to see his worry when he adds, "I'm his co-pilot." 

He's reasonably sure she knows that, but it can't help to say it again because it changes things immediately. By PPDC regulation co-pilots are regarded as next of kin, even if they're not related. Everybody understands the intense bond between co-pilots, the doctors included. Dr. Nash scrutinises him for a long moment and Chuck is worried that she'll plain out refuse. She has all the leverage right now, and they both know it.

Chuck decides to swallow his pride and appeal to her compassion. "Please. I need to know how he's doing."

She holds his gaze firmly, as if she's assessing his sincerity, then she looks down at her tablet and obviously consults Raleigh's file. "Ranger Becket was subject to a prolonged deprivation of oxygen, much longer than you, and we can't tell yet how much damage it has caused. Same goes for the solo piloting he did - for the second time, I must add, so there was already prior neural damage. We have to wait for him to wake up to determine the extend."

She scrolls through the file and skims the information before she goes on. "He temporarily died, as I'm sure you know - you must have felt the absence of the lingering neural bridge, especially considering that you and Ranger Becket are a perfect match."

She eyes him inquisitively and Chuck grits his teeth and nods curtly. He's not willing to remember that right now.

"It was caused by massive trauma, most likely when the shock wave of Gispy Danger's core meltdown hit the escape pod. For now he's in a coma, but we're expecting him to regain consciousness within the next day or two. We have him attached to surveillance monitors and keep an eye on him. He has also a suffered a concussion and a contusion to his left shoulder, along with a multitude of bruises. We're drip-feeding him, he also gets an infusion and he's on oxygen. All in all, he is stable, but we're monitoring him carefully."

Chuck closes his eyes for a second and takes a deep breath. It doesn't sound good, but he knows it's much better than what could have happened. Raleigh could be dead. The only reason the worry doesn't drive him insane is that he can feel Raleigh's presence in his mind, the lingering ghost drift strong enough to reassure him that Raleigh isn't close to death anymore. It takes Chuck a moment before he opens his eyes and looks at Dr. Nash again. "Can I see him?"

Dr. Nash looks at him with narrowed eyes, then she tilts her head to the right, an unreadable expression on her face. "I tell you what, Ranger Hansen - if you promise to stay in bed until you're officially discharged tomorrow morning, I will have you set up in the same room as Ranger Becket." 

Oh she's good, she knows how to play her hand. Chuck admits reluctantly - if only to himself - that he had indeed no intention of staying in bed, but she's offering a very convincing incentive for him to oblige. She's creepily good at predicting his every move.

Still, there's no doubt what option he will choose. "I promise, Doc."

She flashes him an unexpected smile, quick and triumphant and deeply satisfied, and for the first time Chuck wonders how much of her badass attitude is just a very elaborate act. 

"Very good, Ranger Hansen. The nurses will be here shortly to bring you over to Ranger Becket's room." She raises an eyebrow and throws him an almost challenging look. "I trust you to keep your word."

"I will." Chuck reaffirms with a long-suffering sigh because once he promised something, he'll stick to it. 

Dr. Nash nods and turns to leave. "I will come by later today."

When it's time to change rooms, Chuck wants to walk, but the two nurses are just as no-nonsense as Dr. Nash, and they insist that he stays in bed when they wheel it over to Raleigh's room three doors down the hall. It makes him feel rather ridiculous, but he knows how to pick his fights, and he learned early on in his career that you should always be in the good graces of the medical staff.

Still, he's leaning forward in his bed when they enter Raleigh's room, the tension has spread out in his entire body. He needs to see Raleigh, needs to make sure he's okay in other ways than just by feeling him over the ghost drift. He feels like he's about to jump out of the bed and just walk up to Raleigh when the nurses roll the bed forwards and backwards to get it through the door. It's a hard test on his patience, and the only thing that keeps him from doing it is the certainty that Dr. Nash will not let him get away with even the slightest break of his promise.

The nurses roll the bed next to the one already standing in the room, and Chuck feels like icy hands are taking hold of him when he finally sees Raleigh. It makes his skin crawl to see him so motionless, so utterly still, as if he's not even alive. If it wasn't for the ghost drift that's still steady and strong in his mind, Chuck would freak. He doesn't even notice when the nurses leave the room and close the door behind them.

There are several tubes attached to Raleigh in various places, and they make Chuck wary. It doesn't seem right, that somebody as strong as Raleigh needs tubes to stay alive. Infusion, oxygen, monitoring devices, drip feeding - that's what all those tubes are about. It's not easing the queasy feeling in his stomach at all.

There are bruises all over Raleigh's skin, and Chuck wonders how rough a ride it was in the escape pod when the shock wave hit it. The pods aren't meant to withstand such forces, and it's right then and there that Chuck realises how lucky he is that the pod made it to the surface at all. The urge to touch Raleigh is suddenly overwhelmingly strong and Chuck doesn't hesitate to slide over to him. They've lowered the bars on the side of both beds where they touch, and Chuck is very grateful for it. He doesn't think he would have the concentration and patience to do it himself, and he really needs to touch Raleigh _right now_. So he gets as close as he dares without upsetting any of the tubes and reaches out to settle his hand against Raleigh's cheek. It's warm underneath his fingertips, the skin rough with stubble.

Chuck stretches and bends down, pressing his lips to Raleigh's forehead in a lingering kiss. He takes a deep breath, and underneath all the disinfectant and the washing detergent he can make out a hint of Raleigh's own scent. He latches on to it, allows it to calm him. He wishes he could cuddle up to Raleigh, but he doesn't dare, not with all those tubes. He doesn't want to make it worse, or hurt Raleigh in any way.

So Chuck lies down on his own pillow again, and slowly, very carefully slides his hand in Raleigh's, trying not to upset the IV that's sticking out of the back. It feels good to have a physical connection, as if it supports their ghost drift, and Chuck doesn't intend to let go anytime soon. He's lying on his side - it's the least painful position he can find right now - and watches Raleigh's still form, his relaxed face and the slow rising and falling of his chest.

In his mind he can feel the warmth that is Raleigh's presence. It's still strong, but there's no pictures or conscious thoughts coming over the ghost drift like he's used to when Raleigh is awake. It's quiet, but Chuck can live with that as long as it's just _there_. He'll never forget the moment when he held Raleigh in his arms but didn't feel him. No ghost drift, no connection. It was one of the worst feelings he has ever experienced, and he does never ever want to go through it again. 

He still feels hollow in that part of his mind where the ghost drift with his dad used to be. There is nothing now, it's empty and somehow aching. The thought of his dad makes Chuck's insides clench. For a moment he feels like the guilt and the regret are overwhelming him, taking his breath away. Of course Chuck has always known that their job was dangerous, that they could die every time they deployed. But he never thought about the possibility that just one of them might die, that _he_ might stay behind. 

He feels cheated somehow, as if he has been robbed of the chance to clear the air between him and his dad. He's not sure they would ever have managed, but they'd just begun to get along a little better, and now he will have to live with the knowledge that he can't make things right anymore. That maybe he blamed his dad for literally everything without ever giving him the chance to defend himself. So his dad did make some shitty decisions after mom died, but Chuck can't help remembering that conversation between his dad and Pentecost that he overheard. How weary he'd sounded, how defeated, how sad. How he'd readily blamed himself for all the things that Chuck has always blamed him for, and that it somehow felt wrong to see him so... defeated. 

To hear him doubt Chuck's love to him, the love every child holds to their parents in some way, no matter if they admit to it or not. Chuck has not admitted it ever since he learned that his dad came to save him, but didn't save mom.

For a moment Chuck wants to curl into a tiny ball and cry like he did when his mom died, but he doesn't dare to let go like that. He's not sure that opening those gates is a good idea; he might not be able to close them again. There's so much pent up emotion inside him where it concerns his dad, everything from anger to betrayal to disappointment and sadness and love and pride... He can't face that, not now, not when Raleigh is still in coma, not there to catch him if he falls. Because Chuck may be proud, but he's not above admitting that he _will_ need somebody to drag him out of it if he ever allows all those feelings out of their tight cage. And Raleigh is the only one he trusts with that task.

God, Chuck wishes so much that he'd just swallowed his damn pride for a second and had told his dad that he loved him too before they'd stepped into their Jaegers to go off on a suicide mission. It had felt like a blow to hear his dad say those words, Chuck had never seen it coming, hadn't expected it at all. He'd still been stunned when he'd walked with Raleigh towards Gipsy, and he only now realises that he never replied. It might just be one of the biggest regrets of his life. He had a chance to make things right, and he didn't take it. Even always-in-control Mako did make things right, she told Pentecost she loved him right before they triggered the payload, Chuck had heard it over the comms. He'd never seen that coming, either.

Pentecost is another sore spot for Chuck, even if not to the same degree as his dad. Chuck always respected the man, he was hard but basically just and fair. He wouldn't let Chuck's attitude slide, and never did. Chuck remembers the man from times when he wasn't the Marshal, just a fellow Ranger, a close friend of his dad who used to spend the evenings in their quarters, bringing his little adoptive daughter along. He remembers dinners shared at the PPDC issued metal table, and homework with Mako, and the hot chocolate Pentecost brought them when they'd been working long and concentrated for an hour or two. He hasn't thought about that in years.

At first Chuck couldn't stand her, little Mako. She was so perfect and neat and obedient and looked so fragile. She was everything he was not, and he hated it when his Dad smiled at her or gently ruffled her hair in a way he hadn't done with Chuck for years. Only now is Chuck willing to admit - only to himself, though - that it was jealousy that made him dislike Mako back then. Because she welcomed the affection no matter how shy and reserved she was, while Herc had known that Chuck would have bitten his hand off, just on principle. It was a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Chuck had wanted to despise weak little Mako, but that had only lasted until she kicked his arse - literally - about a week after they'd first met. Of course neither his dad not Pentecost had been around when Chuck decided that it was a good idea to steal her homework and hold it so high that she couldn't reach it, just to make her cry. He'd been a lot taller and stronger than her already back then, and he'd been sure in this knowledge until she kicked his legs out from under him with a precise movement. He landed hard on his butt on the floor, stunned and surprised, and she'd taken back her notepad with the most threatening glare Chuck had ever seen on a girl. It was quite obvious it wasn't an empty threat.

After that Chuck was more careful around her. The more English she learned and the more comfortable she became with the language, the more Chuck and her talked. It wasn't important stuff, mostly just homework, especially engineering. She was good at it, had a natural understanding for it, and Chuck liked that she was an equal and challenging partner to work with for their classes. Never mind that his quick temper may have made him explode on her on more than one occasion, she always stood her ground against him and never said an unfriendly word to him. It was quite hard to deal with sometimes, Chuck would have preferred her yelling back, but he learned quickly that that wasn't going to happen. 

Chuck looks at Raleigh's hand in his and lets his fingertip trail each of his fingers, always careful not to come too close to the IV in the back of his hand. He wonders when things went south between him and Mako. They never really had a fight, but somehow the distance between them grew in more ways than just in the miles between the Shatterdomes their fathers were stationed in. Chuck admits quietly that he might be to blame, because Mako isn't the kind of person to neglect a relationship with somebody she cares about. He remembers snarling at her more and more the older they got, in sync with his increasing conflicts with his dad, and he's quite sure she did nothing to actually deserve it. It's just that she got along so well with Pentecost and Herc, always the perfect daughter, while Chuck could excel in classes and later at the academy all he wanted, it just never seemed to make his dad proud. It was jealousy again, history repeating.

Chuck sighs and feels the weight on his shoulders grow tenfold. His dad is gone. Pentecost is gone. Now Mako is the only family he has left, and he's the only family she has left. Maybe it's time to make an effort if he doesn't want to lose her too. Maybe it's time to swallow that old, vicious feeling of jealousy and take a step towards her. 

Chuck closes his eyes and feels the exhaustion wash over him with overwhelming force. Suddenly he feels every hour he spent in Gipsy's Conn-Pod, every hit they took, every moment of pain, fear and desperation. He feels drained, all his reserves are gone, and the last thing he does before sleep claims him is to link his fingers with Raleigh's so that he won't lose the connection to him.

***

LOCCENT is still busy. Tendo and Mako have been coordinating the aftermath of Operation Pitfall for the last few hours, and now things are slowly winding down. Tendo watches Mako talk to one of the analysts and waits until she's done before he walk up to her. 

He takes the tablet out of her hand and jerks his chin in the direction of the door. "Why don't you go to medical. See how they're doing."

Tendo knows that she wants to check on Chuck and Raleigh, needs to make sure they're all right. They're all that remains of her family, and Tendo appreciates her sense of duty that made her stay here in LOCCENT to wrap up things although she must have burned to go see them. He'd really needed her help to get all the things done. They'd prepared an official statement that Mako read out and they've released it to the press just an hour ago. It's been all over the news in every country of the world and already the press is knocking on their door, literally and figuratively speaking. It's a huge thing, to declare the Breach closed, and Tendo is sure that all of the world's experts are hard at work to verify the truth of that claim. He's well aware that he himself can't leave LOCCENT yet, but Mako can get away for a few hours, and she'll let him know how Chuck and Raleigh are doing until he can get down to the med bay himself. 

"Are you sure?" Mako asks and Tendo can see that she means it. She will stay if he needs her here.

"Things are winding down here, Mako." Tendo motions at the operators that aren't non-stop talking in their mics anymore. "We're good here. I'd rather know how Chuck and Raleigh are doing."

"All right." She bows and gives a little but sincere smile. "Thank you, Tendo-san."

Tendo watches her disappear through the door with Max right on her heels. Her steps are faster than they'd usually be, and that's all he needs to see to know that his decision was right. The day was tough on her, she has lost so much today while most others have only gained. Being close to Chuck and Raleigh, seeing them alive, will do her good. 

She sends him a message after an hour, letting him know that Chuck just fell asleep again after talking to her for a while, and that he's basically fine, just a bit banged up and exhausted. They're still waiting for Raleigh to come out of coma, though. He's stable, but he suffered from oxygen deprivation and the solo drift, and the shock wave of Gipsy's reactor meltdown hit his escape pod with such force that it killed him, even if it was only temporarily. He's also pretty banged up, but Mako makes sure to let Tendo know that he's out of danger. Tendo sighs with relief and goes about his tasks in LOCCENT feeling a lot better.

When Tendo finally gets to medical, it's been hours since the retrieval crews brought back Chuck and Raleigh. The nurse tells him which room Raleigh is in, and informs him that Ranger Hansen is stationed in the same room. Tendo just smirks, he wasn't expecting anything else. 

He enters the room quietly, it's dark and he's not surprised to find them both asleep, their beds right next to each other with no distance left between them. Tendo smiles when he sees that Chuck has his hand wrapped tightly around Raleigh's. It's cute in a way Tendo never expected Chuck to behave, but it's a good sign. Maybe he'll be less of an asshole with Raleigh around. Tendo almost dares to hope.

Raleigh doesn't look too good, though. There are several tubes visible in the dark, and he's attached to a surveillance monitor. Tendo learned from the nurse that he still hasn't woken up. It's clear that Chuck won't leave his side until he does. And probably not even then.

Tendo is incredibly relieved to know them back in the Shatterdome in one piece, damaged but alive. He'd been sure that he wouldn't see any of the Pitfall pilots again. He still hasn't quite realised that the Marshall and Herc are lost, dead, gone forever. Pentecost was the heart of the PPDC, the driving force behind the entire system, and Tendo isn't quite sure how it will go on without him. _If_ it will go on. The world changed today, and it's entirely uncertain what the morning will bring. Tendo always thought he'd look forward to a world without Kaiju, but now he feels like he lost his purpose along with the entire PPDC.

Tendo takes a few minutes to make sure that both Raleigh and Chuck are okay, then he retreats as quietly as he came in. He feels better now that he's seen them. He'll stop by later, maybe they're awake then. Or at least Chuck might be. Tendo has quite well understood that with Raleigh, it's a different matter entirely.

***

Chuck wakes slowly, and his almost quiet groan makes Mako look up right away. She moves a bit on the uncomfortable plastic chair when she lowers her tablet. He opens his eyes for a second before he squeezes them shut again, his brows furrowed, and it seems to take him a moment to remember where he is. Mako puts her tablet on the little side table and gets up to pour him a glass of water, then she steps up to his bed and hands it to him. He's sitting up on his own, and she takes that as a good sign. 

"How are you?" she asks and doesn't bother to hide her relief at seeing him awake. Chuck accepts the glass and slowly takes a sip, then another. It's obvious that he's familiar with the unpleasant side effect of drinking too much too fast after an injury, so he's taking it slowly. There are bruises colouring the skin of his arms and face in various shades of blue and green, but he looks reasonably good considering what he just went through.

"A bit battered, but otherwise fine." Chuck's voice is rough from disuse, and Mako is pleasantly surprised that he's not defensive, that he's not snarling at her or giving her the silent treatment. She wasn't quite sure what to expect. Their relationship hasn't been the best in the past few years, but for her he'll always be her brother, so she'd hoped that he'd accept that she cares about him. He's all the family she has left. Maybe he came to the same conclusion.

Chuck takes another sip of water, his left hand never letting go of Raleigh's. There's a stark white bandage covering almost all of Chuck's right arm, starting at his wrist and ending just short of his shoulder. Mako knows it's circuitry burns, she saw the data feed from Gispy, after all. Chuck took on so much of Raleigh's pain when Raiju ripped off Gipsy's arm that it translated into an overload in his side of the Conn-Pod. That's why Chuck has severe burns on his right arm although it was technically Raleigh's hemisphere, and Raleigh has only minor burns. Mako never knew that such a transference of the neural load to the opposite hemisphere was even possible. It has to be a perfect match thing, because she's convinced she would have read about it if it was a common phenomenon. 

"How is he?" Mako asks quietly and looks from Chuck bandaged arm to Raleigh's still form with a serious expression. There's no remainder of the ghost drift between her and Raleigh anymore, and she's worried about him.

"Severe oxygen deprivation and possible damage due to the solo drift." Chuck says quietly and Mako can't help noticing how his thumb is caressing Raleigh's hand. "Concussion, contusions and bruises. He still hasn't woken up, but they expect him to. In a day or two."

Mako hears the worry in Chuck's voice although he's obviously trying to sound casual. She nods while listening, what he says is about the same thing she learned from the doctors. It's not what she wants to know, though, and Chuck is the only one who can tell her. "But you feel him, don't you?" 

Chuck looks up and catches her gaze, holding it for a second or two before nodding. For a moment Mako expected him not to answer at all. "Yes, I feel him. Our ghost drift is strong and steady."

Mako gives a little smile because Chuck's words reassure her more than anything the doctors can say. "I can't feel him anymore. Our connection has faded."

Chuck averts his gaze suddenly, but not fast enough that she misses the pain flickering through his eyes. She understands that her words reminded him of his father and the connection to him that's gone forever now. He doesn't say anything, though, just stares at Raleigh's hand that he's still holding in his own. Mako is well aware which topic Chuck is _not_ talking about, which questions he's _not_ asking. _Have you heard anything about Striker? Are they really dead?_

Mako can't help her face contorting at the sudden stabbing pain in her chest at the thought of Sensei and Hansen-san. There's a big hole where they'd been, and she prefers not to look at it too closely right now because she knows it'll make her break down, and she can't allow that. Not yet. There's too much that still needs to be done. Her duty isn't done yet. She promised Sensei that she would carry on for him, and she won't let him down.

She swallows against the pain, just like she has done ever since she heard the payload explode, and she is glad that Chuck is not looking at her right now. She needs a moment to recover, to regain her composure, because she has to be strong for all of them. Suddenly there's a hand on her wrist, giving a little squeeze. Mako's head jerks up in surprise and finds Chuck looking at her, and it's obvious that he doesn't have words any more than she does. There's a faint red shimmer on his cheeks as if he's embarrassed, but he doesn't let go right away. When he pulls back his hand, it feels like they somehow just took a step towards each other, and Mako feels hope bloom inside her chest, hope that maybe they can be a family again, even if it's only the two of them who are left. It gives her more strength than any words could have, and she give Chuck a silent little smile.

"Would you mind if I stayed a moment?" Mako asks when she trusts her voice again.

Chuck shrugs, still looking slightly embarrassed. "There's enough room for all of us."

Mako gives a little bow before she pulls the chair closer to the bed and sits down again. By the time she's comfortable, she sees Chuck's eyes flutter close again and again, although it's obvious that he's trying to stay awake. When he finally drifts off to sleep, Mako takes up her tablet from the little table and writes a message to Tendo to inform him about Chuck's and Raleigh's condition. She knows he's been waiting for it. Once the message is sent, she leans back in the uncomfortable chair and smiles at Chuck's and Raleigh's sleeping forms.

She'll stay a bit longer, watch over them for a while. It's what families do, after all.

*** 

"Sir!" Takehashi calls through LOOCENT, his voice cracking with excitement. "I have a radio call from a fishing boat off Okinawa - they've pulled two escape pods out of the ocean!"

Tendo feels his heart stop. It can't be... They've got Chuck and they've got Raleigh. There's only one option for whose escape pods the fishing crew found. But it can't be. He heard the blast, saw the diagrams. Nobody could have survived that.

It takes Tendo a precious second to find his voice. "Are they alive?"

Takehashi's grin gives the answer before he even says a word. "Yes, sir! Both unconscious, but alive and breathing. Multiple broken bones, the crew guesses, but they can't really tell us much more."

Tendo's heart resumes beating, this time at double speed, and he knows he's grinning. Maybe it _can_ be. "Send the choppers to retrieve them _immediately_! Let's get Herc and the Marshal home!" 

"Aye, sir!" Takehashi is on the comms as soon as he turns around to his station again. Tendo can feel the stunned excitement that's filling the entire control centre - everybody overheard the conversation, and nobody can quite believe it. It's been almost twenty-four hours since the payload on Striker's back detonated. Nobody was expecting a miracle anymore.

The next thing Tendo does is calling Caitlin Lightcap. They haven't had much contact in the last two or three years, but he knows she's the best person for the mission. Tendo is one of the few people aware of Pentecost's condition, of the damage that the solo piloting did, of the cancer. And he knows that the strain of Operation Pitfall can't have been good for Pentecost's condition, he'll need all the help he can get. Caitlin Lightcap is not only the leading expert on drift technology and drift neural science, she also knows Pentecost and Herc from way back, she's familiar with their background. She's the only person he thinks might be able to help at all. 

He doesn't need to say more than a few sentences and Caitlin cuts him off, telling him that she'll be on a plane in less than an hour and that he should send all data on the mission, Pentecost's and Herc's involvement and their medical files from the last ten years to her computer. She'll review everything on the flight and they'll get to work as soon as the plane lands. Tendo doesn't even have the words to express his relief and his gratitude, but he thinks she understands when he presses out a 'Thank you' in a rough voice before hanging up. 

He gets to work to send her those files right away. As soon as he's done and has arranged everything for Caitlin's arrival, Tendo checks his watch. It's been almost nine hours since he went to the med bay to check on Chuck and Raleigh. Chuck might be awake now - and even if he isn't, Tendo sure as hell is going to wake him for the kind of news he's bringing. He leaves Takehashi in charge of LOCCENT and makes his way over to the medical wing as quickly as possible, a huge smile on his face. 

Time to deliver good news for once.

***

Chuck turns his head to the door when there's an almost silent knock right before Tendo peeks inside. He sees Chuck sitting in a chair next to Raleigh's bed, so he comes in and closes the door behind him.

"Hey, Chuck, good to see you up and about." Tendo greets him with relieved smirk and comes over to stand next to him. "How're you doing?"

"A bit damaged." Chuck replies and raises his bandaged arm. He's sure there are several cuts and bruises visible all over his body, from his head to his fingertips. At least he's wearing his own clothes again and not that flimsy hospital gown. "But I was officially released this morning."

"That doesn't sound too bad, then." Tendo's gaze wanders to the bed. "How's Raleigh?"

"We're still waiting for him to wake up." Chuck shrugs, because what else could he do? Nothing has changed since they were brought here yesterday. Raleigh hasn't moved once. It drives him crazy, to the point that he's alternating between the urge to hit Raleigh or kiss him like a stupid Prince Charming trying to wake the Sleeping Beauty. He won't ever admit that he tried the kissing awake thing. It didn't quite work the way it should have. Raleigh's still out. 

Tendo's mouth presses into a thin line and he nods. "Did they say anything about when they're expecting him to wake up?"

"Today. Tomorrow." Chuck snorts, unable to hide his annoyance. "I think they're just not willing to admit that they actually have no clue at all."

Tendo just smirks. "Raleigh's always been very difficult to predict."

"Yeah, tell me about it." Chuck can't help chuckling. He's only able to joke because he still feels Raleigh in his mind, warm and strong and just _there_. If he didn't have that, if they weren't a perfect match but just normal co-pilots with a ghost drift that fades with time, Chuck would have been climbing the walls by now. 

"Chuck, I have some really good news." Tendo says and pulls Chuck out of his musings. "Fishermen found your dad's and Pentecost's escape pods close to-"

"What?!?" Chuck jerks upright. He knows he's quite loud, but it's not like he would mind waking Raleigh, so he doesn't bother to keep it down.

"They're unconscious but alive, both of them. The retrieval crews are already on their way to get them." It's the smile on Tendo's face that finally convinces Chuck that he's not joking. 

"You're not kidding." Chuck says after a second or two of stunned silence. He can hear himself how utterly astonished his voice sounds, but he doesn't care. "My dad's alive?"

The smile on Tendo's face widens considerably. "He sure is. And he'll be here in a few hours."

"Wow, I... " The words leave him, and Chuck can't do anything but stare at Tendo, then he returns the smile. It's an instinctive reaction. "I mean, that explosion... we all saw it..."

"I know. I have no idea how they survived that." Tendo looks like he gets it, all the things Chuck doesn't say. "The pods were found by a fishing boat off Okinawa, so it'll take a while for them to get here. The blast must have cast them way off any search pattern, which is why we never came across them although we had a dense aerial cover by choppers. And my guess is that all electronics were fried by the explosion, hence no tracking signal."

Just then Chuck realises something and frowns in confusion. "As far as I know - and I should know - Striker has no escape pods."

Tendo shrugs with a knowing smirk. "Mako's handiwork. She even installed an express mode. I don't think she slept more than a few hours in those days between the double event and Operation Pitfall."

Chuck whistles in admiration. Damn, she's good. He owes her big time. "All of that in four days?"

"She knew Pentecost was going in the Conn-Pod after she was injured. It was the only option." Tendo replies matter of fact as if it explains everything. It does, and Chuck feels a bit ashamed that he never even thought about it. Admittedly, he was quite distracted by this new thing between Raleigh and him, but still, he could have spared a thought for the things going on around him. 

"Does Mako know already?" Chuck wonders how she's going to take it. He could tell how much Pentecost's death has affected her, how much effort it took her to keep up appearances.

"I'm heading to her now." Tendo says and takes a step back. "I'll make sure you're informed when your dad and Pentecost get here."

Chuck swallows hard against the lump in his throat. This is so much more than he ever expected - to get his dad back alive when he'd been sure he was dead. Chuck remembers the moment he felt their ghost drift being severed. It's what told him unmistakeably that his dad was dead. He's never been happier to be wrong. "Thanks, Tendo."

There's a soft note to Tendo's smile and he clasps Chuck's shoulder. "Sure thing, Chuck."

He turns around and heads for the door, only to stop before he's entirely gone. "And you let me know when Becket boy here wakes up, 'kay?"

Chuck nods at Tendo. "Will do."

"Thanks, man." With those words Tendo disappears out of the door. A soft click tells Chuck he's alone again, with Raleigh still playing Sleeping Beauty. Chuck takes a deep breath and lets it out with a sigh, then he pulls the chair closer to the bed so that he can rest his arms on the mattress. He's still not quite sure if he believes it, that his dad is alive. It seems so impossible, something that only happens in movies, but certainly not in real life. Not in Chuck's experience, at least. 

Chuck plays with Raleigh's finger and lays his head down on his arms. Maybe he does get a second chance after all. A second chance with his dad, at dealing with all the shit between them, at making things right. He has no idea how to do that, but he most certainly will give it his best shot. He learned his lesson. The hard way. 

He smirks. Typically Hansen.

Chuck straightens and picks up the paperback that Mako brought him this morning when he'd taken up residency in the plastic chair next to Raleigh's bed. She said it was the one Raleigh was reading at the moment, and then she'd given Chuck the not so subtle hint to read it to him. After an hour or two of staring at an unmoving Raleigh, Chuck had reluctantly taken up the book and leafed through it, then he'd begun to read aloud from the page that was marked with a dog-ear. He felt incredibly stupid at first, but nobody came in and the book was actually quite good, so he decided to give it another go. It doesn't look like Raleigh is planning on waking up anytime soon, so Chuck can just as well continue reading.

It's early evening and Chuck is on page 326 when the door opens again and a nurse comes in. She walks over to where Chuck is still sprawled in the highly uncomfortable plastic chair next to the bed and looks at him. Chuck lowers the book and makes a dog-ear in the page. 

"Ranger Hansen, your father has arrived. He's out of treatment now and resting in room 28 B, two door down the hallway." She gives him a smile. She's young enough to be his little sister, and yet there's a knowing, old quality to her smile that tells him that she has experienced more pain than anybody that young should have. It's a trait common to a lot of people of his generation. "You can visit him, if you want to, but he's asleep, so please don't wake him."

"Thank you." Chuck gives her a real if little smile, because she seems to understands the magnitude of her message. "What about the Marshal?"

Her expression turns serious. "Marshal Pentecost is in a medically induced coma, supervised by Dr Lightcap." 

Chuck nods, then he frowns when a thought hits him. "Is he in the same room as my father?"

She looks confused. "No, he's isn't."

Of course she doesn't understand why they should be together. It's common knowledge that his dad and Pentecost are close friends, but neither their relationship nor the fact that they're a perfect match is well known.

"Can you please have it arranged that they're in the same room?" The young nurse seems very surprised by his request. Chuck averts his gaze for the fraction of a second and looks at Raleigh's unconscious form, then he turns back to her. "They're a perfect match. They need to be close to each other. Dr Lightcap will know about it."

If he understood his dad correctly, Dr Lightcap must know about it because she was the one Pentecost and his dad were testing J-Tech for back on Kodiak Island. If she supervised their drifts, she must know they're a perfect match. It's a bit of a gamble, but Chuck is willing to do everything it takes to get his dad and Pentecost in the same room. If his own deep need to be close to Raleigh is anything to go by, the craving has to be even stronger for them.

The young nurse nods, understanding blooming in her face. She has heard about perfect matches, just like everybody has, and knows about their profound bond. "I will talk to the charge nurse and have it arranged."

Chuck nods at her and smiles again, because he can tell she means it. She seems reliable, so Chuck is pretty sure that it will be done. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." She retreats and only turns in the doorway. "Feel free to visit your father whenever you want, Ranger Hansen. Just remember to keep quiet and let him sleep, please. He needs a lot of rest." 

Chuck stares at the door for a long moment after it has fallen shut. His dad is really here, just two doors down the hallway. It still feels like a dream, something that will dissolve into nothingness as soon as he tries to find out if it's real. Maybe that's why it takes him so long to get up from his chair, to get moving. Before he leaves, Chuck leans over the bed and touches his lips to Raleigh's forehead in a lingering kiss. "Don't go anywhere. I'll be back in a few. Just have to check on my old man."

Of course Raleigh doesn't answer, but Chuck hasn't expected him to. He still waits for a second or two before he straightens and quietly slips out of the room. He finds his dad's room without a problem and presses down the handle. The room is empty apart from the bed that holds his dad. The linens are as white and starched as Raleigh's and the room looks identical, even the same uncomfortable chair stands in the corner. Chuck decides to ignore it and sits on the bed instead.

His dad is obviously asleep, lying halfway on his left side since his right arm is in a cast. There's a huge bandage covering the left side of his face and almost all the skin Chuck can see looks bruised. There's an IV in his hand, but otherwise he's not hooked up to any machines, and that makes Chuck feel a lot better. He slowly reaches out and touches the hand that doesn't have a needle in it. He just needs to feel that his dad is real.

"Hey Dad." Chuck whispers, making sure to keep his voice so low that he won't wake him. He knows he should probably not talk at all, but he can't stay quiet now that he's here, seeing his dad alive and breathing after believing him dead for an entire day. "Glad you decided not to die on me just yet."

Okay, what a crap way to start. He's really not good at the talking thing, no matter how noble his intentions may be. It's probably good that his dad is not awake to hear any of this or they'd be in an argument faster than he can say 'sorry'. "What I mean is, I'm glad you're back. And alive, you know. I thought you were... I felt the ghost drift between us being severed, so I was sure..."

Chuck stops and can't help a chuckle that sounds embarrassed. "I'm trying here, but you probably know best that I suck at talking about stuff. Must run in the family."

Chuck concentrates on the feeling of his dad's hand under his fingers. The skin is warm and he can feel a steady pulse where his index finger rests on the pulse point. "But you know, I think we can do better. We defeated a race of alien monsters, we should be able to get along, don't you agree? I mean, just look at how screwed up things got between us. Mom would be so pissed."

His dad moves a little bit, as if he maybe did hear Chuck, but he doesn't wake and seems to be deep under again in a matter of seconds. Chuck remains quiet and motionless for a minute or two, remembering how the young nurse urged him not to wake his dad, that he needed rest.

"I'll come back later." Chuck promises before he gets up from the bed and squeezes his dad's hand for a moment. Just when he has turned towards the door to leave, it opens and a nurse comes in. It's the young one who'd told him about his dad, and she's accompanied by a second nurse. Together they're carefully wheeling in a bed, and Chuck can see Pentecost lying there, his face totally relaxed in unconsciousness. Mako follows them in and when she sees him, she smiles at him, real and heartfelt. She stops close beside him and holds his gaze. "Thank you."

It takes Chuck a moment to understand what she's talking about, but once he gets it, he feels his cheeks burn. She knows he asked for Pentecost's transfer to his dad's room. For a moment Chuck wants to laugh it off, say it was nothing, not important. But in the face of her sincere smile, he can't. 

Chuck shrugs and gives her a half-smile. He's still embarrassed, but he remembers that he planned to make an effort with her. This is his chance to prove that it's not just empty words. "Thought they might need it as much as Raleigh and I do."

She inclines her head. "I'm sure they do."

The two nurses place the beds right next to each other and lower the bars between them, just as they did for Raleigh and Chuck a day ago. Chuck watches them and is astonished when his dad moves closer to Pentecost immediately, as if he knows he's there, no matter that they're both out like a light. Chuck can't help wondering how deep their connection runs and if he and Raleigh will get to the same point one day.

"I'm going to stay with them." Mako says quietly and pulls the chair up to Pentecost's bed when the nurses have left. "I'm sure Raleigh would like to have you by his side again."

"You know, don't you? About Raleigh and me?" Chuck asks, although it's obvious that she does.

"I'm happy for you." Mako says and smiles. Chuck can tell that she means it, and somehow that's important. "You are good together."

Chuck clears his throat, because there's a lump in it. "Thanks, Mako."

"You're welcome, Chuck-kun." she replies with a slight bow. She hasn't called him in years, since their relationship deteriorated, and Chuck acknowledges it with a little smile. She'll understand. "I will let you know when they wake up."

"Same here." Chuck replies and turns to leave the room. He looks back before he closes the door, and sees his dad's forehead touching Pentecost's shoulder, the white bandage on his face almost tone in tone with Pentecost's hospital gown. Mako is perched on the chair next to the bed, her tablet in hand, probably working on something. 

She looks like she's guarding their sleep, protecting them however long they'll need to recover. 

*** 

There's a touch to his forehead, gentle and warm, and it makes him feel comfortable. He wants to lean into it but he can't move, his limbs are too heavy and his mind is too sluggish. He's back in the dark, welcoming nothingness of sleep before he has any time to react. But he feels a warmth in his mind, a presence that doesn't let go of him, strong and steady, and he trusts it unconditionally. 

The next thing he remembers is a sound coming to his ears, it is gentle and very low, but it still penetrates the fogginess that seems to encompass him. He tries to concentrate on it, but it's futile, he can't focus. It's too exhausting, takes more strength than he has. So he just allows the beautiful sound of that voice to wash over him, not caring about the words. The only thing that matters is that it's there.

There's no pain, just a strange kind of numbness, and he feels detached from the world. Time and space have no meaning here, their very concept does not exist. It's easy and meaningless and he can just stay here until he remembers where he's going. He knows it's important to stay in one place when you're lost, that's what his dad taught him and Yancy when he took them out in the woods for camping and hiking. He knows he's lost right now, and he needs to give that warmth, that voice a chance to find him. He knows with absolute certainty that it will.

There's more nothingness, and he embraces it, lets it take over because he knows he doesn't need to fight it. The warmth is still with him, always with him, and as long as he can feel it, he's not afraid. He'll just go with the flow, see where it takes him. He's almost surprised when the nothingness leaves him and there are other things entering his mind. Smells, sharp and clean. Noises, soft and muffled. Feelings, pain in his head and arms and legs.

It takes so much strength to open his eyes, and once he manages, he's surprised at the darkness around him. Maybe he didn't actually open his eyes? It takes a moment, then there are shapes coming into focus, a wall, a window, a monitor. He's lying in a bed, and the smell combined with the sparse style of the room tells him that he's in the Shatterdome's medical bay. So he did actually survive Operation Pitfall. Not that he expected that.

It's only with an effort that he manages to turn his head to look around. His gaze immediately falls on the hunched over shape next to the bed, and it takes him a moment to recognise it as a person slumped over in a chair, their head resting on the mattress in what looks like an awfully uncomfortable position. Only now does Raleigh notice the feeling of a warm hand wrapped tightly around his, never loosening, not even in sleep.

Raleigh doesn't know what it is that tells him that it's Chuck sleeping in the chair. Maybe it's the messy hair and the strong build, maybe it's the steady but subtle presence in his mind that he only now consciously notices is the connection their drift left behind. It's the warmth he remembers entering his dreams, strong and steady and reassuring, yet subtle and gentle, just _there_ , always by his side. It was Chuck, all the time it was Chuck. 

And he's still here, waiting for Raleigh to wake up, so exhausted that he actually fell asleep in the probably very uncomfortable plastic chair, his hand never letting go of Raleigh, as if he was afraid to lose him if he did. Raleigh smiles and turns his hand to intertwine his fingers with Chuck's. He doesn't wake up, but his fingers close around Raleigh's instantly. 

Raleigh chuckles. Chuck is a cuddler, no matter how much he might protest. Raleigh will have to prove that to him. Later, when he can move again, when he's himself again. When he got rid of all those needles sticking in his body.

"Wake up, Charlie." Raleigh is surprised how rough his voice sounds, as if he's been screaming or hasn't used it in ages. Maybe both. His memory is a little foggy, but he has a vague recollection of their attack on the Breach. It's not pleasant.

"Five more minutes." Chuck mumbles into the mattress, barely moving his head. He's not even telling Raleigh not to call him 'Charlie', which means that he must be pretty out of it. Raleigh can't help smiling. He still thinks that a sleepy Chuck is utterly adorable.

"Charlie." Raleigh repeats when Chuck seems to drift back into sleep. As if a sudden realisation hit him, Chuck shoots upright and stares at Raleigh with wide eyes. It seems to take him a moment to believe what he's seeing.

"Rals?" he asks with a voice that is so uncertain and stunned and yet so hopeful that in makes Raleigh's insides clench. Just a second later a smile spreads over Chuck's face that is blinding in its brightness, even in the semidarkness of the room. "You're awake."

Chuck stands up and carefully sits on the edge of the bed, his hand still holding Raleigh's. He's still smiling widely, and Raleigh loves that look on him. "How are you feeling?"

The accent in Chuck's voice is much more pronounced than it usually is, and Raleigh likes the sound it gives his voice. He wants to hear that more often. "Like I'm flying."

"That'll be the painkillers. Good stuff." Chuck chuckles, the smile still on his face. Raleigh wants to watch him smile some more, but his eyes are closing, he's so tired, and he just gives in. Chuck's warm presence is with him, never wavering. Raleigh still feels the smile on his lips when the welcoming arms of sleep wrap around him. He's not lost anymore. He's safe.

Chuck found him.


	27. In the Aftermath (Stacker/Herc, Herc & Chuck, Herc & Mako)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Herc wakes up after Operation Pitfall to find that the world has changed and he doesn't know what happened.

_Hong Kong Shatterdome, 14th January 2025_

 

The world is murky, an undefined shape wobbling all around him, and the only thing that makes sense is the familiar feeling of Stacker's presence in his mind. It's somehow different, but it's still fundamentally the same, and that's enough to calm him. He gives up on trying to concentrate on that fuzzy, shapeless world and allows himself to just drift as if he was immersed in water, bobbing up and down, left and right, completely aimless. Time has no meaning, he has no memories of anything other than the bubble he lives in now, and somehow it doesn't worry him. 

Then there's a change in the comfortable undefined nowhere that he shares with Stacker, and it's sharp and painful and unpleasant. It's as if his body has returned, or as if _he_ has returned to his body, because there are sensations coming from his limbs, his bones, his skin. The connection to the real world, the outside world, intrudes on his peaceful ignorance, and he fights it with all his might. He doesn't want to leave this place where there's only Stacker and him, nothing but them, peace and quiet. It's like a dream, and waking up will destroy it, make its pleasantness fade away until there's not even a trace of it left. 

He loses the fight.

It's then that the memories return, but they're not a slowly tickling creek, they're a rapid stream, overwhelming him, dragging him away with their powerful, painful intensity. There's Angie, there are monsters, huge and thoroughly evil and _real_ , there's the agonizing hole that swallows him after they take her. There's Chuck, young and cheerful and laughing at Bondi Beach with the wind tousling his unruly ginger hair. Then he's older, frowning, always frowning, never laughing. There's sharp words, a tongue that cuts Herc deeper than any knife ever could. There's guilt, anger, pride, disappointment and blame, all at the same time, and it's eating Herc alive, slowly but steadily.

But there's also warmth, a steady presence that stands by his side throughout it all, never leaving him to his pain, never allowing him to wallow, to lose himself. It's a part of him and yet it isn't. He knows it better than he knows himself, and it knows him all the same, with all his dark secrets and his weaknesses and his bad habits. Stacker, the one who held him when the world crashed and burned around him in the wake of Angie's death. The one who challenged him every day again to make him reach new levels he didn't even know he could achieve. The one he shares his mind with and who still loves him. 

Stacker, his perfect match who he's been threatened to lose to cancer for almost as long as he can remember. Stacker, who instead detonated an thermonuclear bomb strapped to their Jaeger's back to give the world a chance at life. The last thing Herc remembers is triggering Striker's brandnew escape pods. Afterwards, there's nothing.

He takes a moment to recover from the ordeal of his memories returning all at once. He unconsciously reaches out for Stacker with his mind and finds him. He can feel him, although everything is a bit muffled. When he takes a deep breath, he picks up his scent, familiar and reassuring. It's enough to keep him from doing something stupid. He may not have any idea where he is or what happened, but the fact that Stacks is here with him, physically touching him, tells him a lot already.

Herc pushes the thoughts aside. It's more important to asses his current situation and find out as much about his surroundings as he can. First, though, he takes stock of his body. The slightly out-of-it feeling lets him know he's on strong painkillers; it's a feeling he's become familiar with in his long military career. There's a dull but still palpable pain in his right arm, and a burning sensation all over the left side of his face. They're the most prominent sources of discomfort, but the strong painkillers take the edge off them. He can also tell that he's bruised all over and his muscles are aching, but overall Herc thinks he's okay. Better than he expected considering the rough ride that was Operation Pitfall. 

It's time to find out more about his surroundings, so he carefully opens his eyes and immediately has to squeeze them shut again because even the dimmed light is too much. He's careful not to make any sound or overt movement to not give away that he's awake. They could be in a hostile environment, he doesn't know yet if they're safe. 

After a minute or two Herc gives it another try, more careful this time. He only peeks through halfway closed lids, taking in as much of his surroundings as he can. He recognises the room immediately as a Shatterdome's medical bay, but that knowledge fades into the back of his mind almost instantly. He can't avert his gaze from the man camped out next to the bed.

It's Chuck. 

Herc stares, having a hard time believing what he's seeing. Chuck is sitting in an uncomfortable looking plastic chair at the edge of the bed, a thick paperback in his hands, obviously engrossed in the story. He's still at the beginning, maybe thirty pages in, but the book looks well worn and Chuck seems familiar with it. There's a stark white bandage covering all of his right arm down to the wrist, and there are blue and green bruises visible all over his skin, but otherwise he looks unharmed.

Herc forgets all of his caution and turns his head to look straight at his son. If Chuck is here with him, in the Shatterdome's med bay, they're as safe as they're going to get. 

"Chuck." Herc tries to say his son's name, but even to his own ears it sounds more like unarticulated croaking. It does the trick, though, because Chuck's head jerks up and his eyes find Herc's. He's sure there's something akin to wonder in his gaze, but it might be the light fooling him.

"Hey dad." Chuck is actually giving him a smile, a real one, not the one laced with anger and not-so-subtle provocation that Herc got used to over the past few years. For a moment Herc wonders if maybe he _did_ die, and his twisted idea of heaven includes this is unrealistic, angelic version of his son. It certainly doesn't seem real, especially when Chuck reaches for a glass of water and hands it to him, sitting down on the edge of the bed instead of returning to the chair. It's all very unlike the Chuck he knows.

"How're you feeling?" Chuck asks, his voice low and a little rough, as if he hasn't used it in a while. He's still holding the worn paperback, his finger stuck between the pages to mark where he stopped reading. 

"Battered, but the painkillers are really good." Herc replies with a smirk when he accepts the glass - with his left hand, because it's just now that he notices that there's a cast on his right arm. His gaze falls on Stacker who's lying next to him, so close that Herc can feel his warmth where they're touching. Stacker looks peaceful, his face relaxed and his eyes closed. There are two sensors attached to his temple, their designs vaguely familiar. Herc's gaze flickers through the room while sipping the water until it lands on the book that Chuck seems unable to set aside. 

Chuck follows his gaze and shrugs, and that gesture seems more like his Chuck. Defiant, a tad embarrassed and just on this side of defensive. "It's Raleigh's. I never got to read the beginning."

For a horrible moment Herc wonders where Raleigh is and his stomach clenches in absolutely terrifying fear that he didn't make it. Herc knows what it means to fear to lose your perfect match, he's lived with it for ten years and he learned to deal with it. But Chuck... hot-headed, emotionally unstable Chuck who for the first time since his mother's death has allowed anybody close... he wouldn't survive losing Raleigh, his perfect match...

Just then Herc realises that Chuck wouldn't be sitting here, all quiet and composed, if he'd lost Raleigh.

"He's down the hall. Mako's sitting with him." Chuck explains as if he read Herc's mind. "She was with you guys before, and we decided to switch places for a while."

It still takes Herc a moment to regain his composure, and he covers it up by taking another sip of water. "Is he okay?"

Chuck is quiet for a moment too long, and Herc noticed how he averts his gaze for the fraction of a second before he replies. "He will be."

There's more to this, Herc is sure of it, but he knows this is not the moment to address the matter. He's not up to it, and he's reasonably sure that neither is Chuck. He doesn't want to end their first conversation after the collapse of the Breach with an argument. They've done so good til now, it'd be a shame to ruin the promising start. So he changes the subject to ask a question that burned in the back of his mind the entire time, but only now does he put it into words. "Did we do it?"

"Yeah, dad." Chuck grins, triumphant and cocky and it's almost a relief how much he looks like himself. "We did it. The Breach collapsed."

Herc allows himself a grin and a sigh of relief, because this is what they've been fighting for for so long, and they _did it_. "So it's really over."

"Sure is." Chuck agrees, the grin still as cocky as before. "We kicked their Kaiju arses back to their dimension." 

Herc sets the water glass down on the bedside table and turns to look at Stacker again. Operation Pitfall was a success, even if it didn't go quite according to plan. They even survived it, and that's something nobody expected, least of all Stacker. Herc can feel him, his presence in his mind so much stronger now that they've drifted again, but he can also tell that Stacker is neither dreaming not thinking about anything. It's quiet in his mind, and Herc isn't quite sure if he should be worried about it. "Chuck, what's wrong with Stacker?"

The grin leaves Chuck's face and his lips press into a thin line for a moment. It makes an unpleasant shiver run down Herc's back. "He's in a medically induced coma. Caitlin Lightcap is here, she's supervising it."

Herc frowns and latches onto the most important thing. "Coma?"

"It has something to do with the neural load. I don't know all about it, but I'm sure Doc Lightcap does." Chuck gets up off the bed immediately, as if he's suddenly feeling highly uncomfortable. "I'll go get her."

"I'm not used to you being so helpful. It's kind of scary." Herc says before he can think about it.

Chuck stops on his way to the door, frozen in mid motion, and he doesn't turn around for a long moment. Herc wants to kick himself for those words, for breaking the fragile peace they have just begun to establish. Why does he have to put his foot in his mouth when Chuck is for once not pushing him away? Why can't he just welcome the careful peace offering he's given? He knows how much of an effort Chuck's making right now.

"I get it now, you know. The thing between you and Pentecost." Chuck shrugs, still facing the door, and his voice is very quiet. It's the total opposite reaction of what Herc expected. "Since Raleigh was..." 

He stops, and Herc doesn't know if it's painful memories or insecurity that keeps him from finishing that sentence. Chuck straightens and when looks at Herc over his shoulder, there's a maturity to his gaze that Herc has never seen before. "I just get it. Perfect match and all that."

Before Herc has a chance to reply anything, Chuck has left the room and closed the door almost silently behind him. It's all so unlike the Chuck he remembers from before Operation Pitfall that Herc has problems believing that it's real. He wonders if maybe he's in a coma too, like Stacks, and this is his way of coping with the fact that Chuck can't have survived the suicide mission. 

But if this actually is reality, then something must have happened that changed Chuck, something really bad. Herc wonders how he can find out what it is, because he's sure Chuck won't answer if he asks. They might make an effort, they might get along better, but they're not that far down the road of forgiveness yet. Obviously it has something to do with Raleigh and with whatever happened after the bomb exploded... 

He's still staring at the door with a frown on his face, deep in thoughts, when it suddenly opens and a woman in a white lab coat slips in, a tablet in hand. Chuck follows behind her, and he doesn't look like he's mad. It makes Herc distinctly uneasy, he doesn't know how to deal with this new Chuck who's not challenging and provoking him at every corner.

"Good to see you, Herc." The woman says and Herc immediately recognises her as Dr Caitlin Lightcap. Her hair is a bit longer and she's wearing different glasses, but apart from that, she hasn't changed much. She smiles at him, honest and real, same as he remembers her. 

"You too, Caitlin." Herc spontaneously returns her smile and finds that he means it. He hasn't seen her in years, but somehow that's not important. They've always worked really well together, him, Stacker and Caitlin, and that's something that's still there. 

"I know you're worried about him." She holds his gaze, and he sees that she really understands. "I wish I could tell you that everything is going to be all right, but the truth is that we don't even know what's going on in his head. When your escape pods were found by the fishing boat off Okinawa, you were both unconscious. You woke on the transport back to the Shatterdome for a few minutes, but Stacker didn't."

"I guess that's not a good sign." Herc tries for casual, but he knows she sees right trough him. She was the first one to notice that he and Stacker are a prefect match, she knows what he means to him. She is a pilot herself, even if she and Sergio aren't a perfect match, and she understands drifting and what it does to you.

Caitlin slowly shakes her head. "I honestly don't know, Herc. Stacker's brain was always unusual, the fact alone that he was able to pilot solo confirms that. Even back in the days when the two of you were acting as test pilots for me his readings were always different. We didn't have enough data on the drift and its effect on the participants' brains yet to reach any conclusions, but when I reviewed all the data on the flight to Hong Kong it stood out clearly."

Herc listens quietly, his hand holding Stacker's underneath the blankets. He needs the physical connection, the urge is far stronger than he ever remembers it being, even right after their match. Chuck is paying close attention to everything Caitlin is saying from where he's leaning against the wall next to the door. Herc catches his gaze and finds a sort of understanding there that he neither expected nor knows how to react to. Chuck's different behaviour still completely throws him off kilter.

Caitlin continues talking and Herc returns his focus to her. "Stacker shouldn't have survived the solo piloting in 2016, nevermind still have normal cognitive functions afterwards, but he did. I warned him about the danger of drifting again, and I still stand by that warning, but I think that you and him being a perfect match may have influenced the odds in his favour. I'm still reviewing and analysing the data, especially the readings from Operation Pitfall, and I don't want to say any more before I'm done with it and I actually know what I'm talking about."

Herc nods, it's not like he can say anything against that. It's the only logical course of action, never mind that he'd rather have answers and solutions _right now_. "So there's nothing I can do but wait."

"Not quite." Caitlin says and points at Stacker. "I'm sure you noticed the sensors on his temples. They constantly monitor his brain activity, and we're keeping him under until we've managed to go through all the data we got from Striker during your drift. That's where you come in."

"Yeah?"

"I'd like to chart your brain activity as well, if you agree. It's just an inkling on my side, but I suspect that your and Stacker's brains have a different structure due to the fact that you're a perfect match. And that drifting together influenced how your brains work. I'd like to test that theory."

Herc glances at Stacker's motionless face. "Anything I can do to help." 

Caitlin takes two sensors out of her lab coat pocket, leans forward and attaches one of the little wireless devices to his left temple and the other to his right. They give a tiny beep when she activates them and Herc watches her check the transmission on her tablet. "It's working. I'll record your brain activity over the next 24 hours, then I can correlate the results with Stacker's data."

"Caitlin." She looks up and Herc holds her gaze. "Will he wake up?"

"I can't tell you yet, Herc. All I know for sure is that there are areas of his brain active that are dormant in an average human brain. That alone tells me that hope is not lost yet." She doesn't look away, and there's a gentle smile on her lips. "But tell me, Herc, can you feel him?"

Herc doesn't need to think about the answer. "Yes."

"Is the connection strong or weak?"

Again he needs no time to think. "Strong. Stronger than it was in a long time. Probably due to our recent drift."

"Do you get bad feelings over it?"

Herc concentrates on their ghost drift for a moment. "No. It's... quiet. No dreams, no thoughts. Just very peaceful and quiet. It's a bit like he's recharging."

"See, you could already tell me more than all the data I have at my disposal." She gives him a pointed look that still somehow is gentle and understanding. "He's still in there. We'll find a way to get to him. With your help, he has the best chances."

Herc swallows against the lump in his throat. He forgot how insightful she is when she allows it to show. She always knew how to get through to him and Stacker, which is partly the reason why the three of them were such a good test team. 

He gives a nod and holds her gaze. "Thanks, Caitlin."

"You're welcome." She puts her hand on his and gives a reassuring squeeze. "Now get some rest. I'll come by again later."

She stops when she's almost gone, the door handle in hand. She turns towards Chuck and winks at him. "Keep an eye on him and make sure he actually stays in bed. I'm sure you know how difficult that can be."

Chuck chuckles and gives a mock salute. "I'll do my best, Doc."

"I knew I could count on you." Caitlin smirks and disappears through the door. Herc just snorts. She sure knows how to pull Chuck on her side.

Chuck comes over to the bed once Caitlin is gone. He still has he paperback in his hand, Herc notes absent-mindedly when Chuck stands next to the bed and gives Herc a pointed look. "Don't even think about it."

"Chuck, really, I don't feel that bad. I should get back to work." Herc tries to argue. It's true, he doesn't feel like an invalid, he's just a bit tired and maybe still a little high on painkillers. He feels like he has missed so much in the last two days, and he has a fairly good idea of how much work there is to do in the aftermath of the closure of the Breach. He's not so bad off that he needs to hide in the med bay instead of doing his job. Especially now that Stacks is not there to lead the PPDC either.

"Dad." Chuck's voice sounds exasperated, and Herc thinks that finally, there's the old Chuck coming through. It took longer than he'd expected. "Tendo and Mako have done a great job at running the PPDC until now, I'm pretty sure they can deal with it for another day. Get some rest, sleep, and tomorrow we'll see what the docs say."

It's not the old Chuck, Herc suddenly realises. Beneath the exasperated tone there's fond amusement in his voice instead of plain provocation, and his smile is teasing, not patronising. More than anything Herc witnessed before does this drive the point home how much must have happened in the last few days that Herc missed. How much things changed, how much _Chuck_ changed.

He doesn't quite know what to say, but Chuck saves him from having to answer by continuing. "Mako wanted to see you when you woke. I'll get back to Raleigh and send her over."

Herc watches Chuck pull the door shut behind him and stares at it long after Chuck is gone. Only when the pain in his shoulder becomes noticeable does Herc lie back, resting his head on the pillow next to Stacker. 

Mako. 

He doesn't even know how to thank her for what she did. She somehow managed not only to have escape pods installed in Striker - a Jaeger that was never meant to have any, not that Herc ever understood why - she also added the express ejection mode. And she pulled it off within only four days while having a broken collarbone and simultaneously repairing Gipsy Danger. She worked a miracle, of that he's certain. When she told him about it right before Stacker and he deployed in Striker, Herc had hugged her, a completely spontaneous reaction. He knew how much work she must have put in it, she probably hadn't slept in days to get it done before Operation Pitfall, never knowing when the mission would start. 

The express mode was a hell of a ride that Herc never wants to repeat, but he's most certainly not complaining. The ejection may have given him a broken right arm, a large laceration across the left side of his face and a massive concussion along with more bruises and contusions than he can count, but he's _alive_. He hadn't expect to come back from this mission at all, not even when he triggered his and Stacker's ejection a few seconds before the detonation of the payload.

Neither did he expect to come out of it with Stacker still by his side, alive and breathing. The only difference between his and Stacker's condition is that Stacker never woke up from the unconscious state that is an inevitable byproduct of the express ejection of the escape pods.

There's a little knock on the door, and then Mako comes in. She closes the door without making any noise, and Herc can't help thinking that it's a very Mako thing to do. She's wearing a standard issue uniform with a black jumper, and her arm is still rendered immobile in a dark green sling. She's smiling, the shy but very pleased smile, and Herc knows it's for him, because he's back, he's alive, he's awake. It feels pretty humbling to know how much that means to her.

"Sir." She's still smiling and only stops once she's standing next to the bed. "How are you?"

"No 'sir', Mako. We're long past that." Herc points out and returns her smile. He knows that she's not comfortable calling him 'Herc' and he won't force her, but the 'sir' is a few steps too formal. It has no place here, not after everything that happened. "We're family, after all."

She doesn't reply, but there's a glistering to her eyes that he thinks might be unshed tears, and he doesn't know how to deal with that. Not from Mako, who is always controlled and rational. It tells him how deeply this affects her, how much it means to her. She almost lost her entire family two days ago, even thought Stacker and him to be dead, and Herc can only imagine what that must have done to her. She has lost so much already in her young life, and she still is so strong and determined and motivated. 

It pains him to think that Stacker and he hurt her so much by almost dying. It says a lot about her, about who she is, that instead of giving up, she did everything in her power to avert fate. She knew that Operation Pitfall was a suicide mission, and yet she had done the impossible and tried to even out the odds, to give them even the faintest chance of survival. Herc wants to thank her for that, but he doesn't have the words, doesn't know where to begin, because she is the reason he is here now, but not only him, Stacker as well. Without Stacker, Herc wouldn't know what to do. Of course he knows that Stacker's cancer is still an issue, but they've been given a second chance, a chance at a life with their children, in a world that isn't constantly threatened by monsters. And he has Mako to thank for that. 

After a long moment of trying to find the right word, Herc says the only thing he can think of, no matter that it will never be enough.

"Thank you, Mako." Herc's voice almost breaks, and he can feel his eyes prickle. 

She's still looking at him, and then she smiles, her shy, honest smile that tells him more than any words could have. 

"I'm very glad you're back." She says and then she reaches out and takes hold of his hand, always mindful of the cast. Her fingers are warm, the skin rough from all the hard work she's been doing her entire life. She feels real, and it grounds him. "Both of you."

Herc gives her hand a squeeze, trying to say what he needs her to know without words. He sucks at talking about feelings, always did, and Chuck definitely got that from him. "You're the reason we are back, Mako. You made it possible."

She looks a bit embarrassed, but she neither contradicts him nor lowers her gaze, accepting his gratitude. Then her eyes flicker up to Stacker's face which is as calm and motionless as before. Herc follows her gaze, then he squeezes her hand.

"He's in there, Mako. I can feel him, strong and steady. He'll wake up. We just have to give him a little bit of time." Herc says and suddenly knows that it's true. Somehow he doesn't doubt that Stacker will regain consciousness, he feels it somewhere deep inside their connection. Stacker needs time, but he will come back to them once he has recharged.

Mako holds his gaze, almost inquisitively, and she seems to find what she was looking for because she nods. She's a pilot, she has drifted, she knows that Herc can feel things that no scan can reveal, especially since he and Stacker are a perfect match. It seems to reassure her more than any scientific data could have.

"How are you?" She asks again and only now does Herc realise that he never answered her the first time around.

"I'm fine. Battered and bruised, but I'll heal." He gives her a reassuring little smile. "And how are you holding up?"

For a moment Mako seems surprised that he asked, then she regains her composure. "It's better now that you and Raleigh are awake."

The reference to Raleigh reminds Herc rather forcefully of the changes he has noticed in Chuck, and suddenly he know how he can find out what happened. He can ask Mako. Not only was she here for the entire mission and its aftermath, she also knows Raleigh and Chuck and the whole screwed up situation between Herc and and his son. 

"Mako, can I ask you something?"

She looks at him, her gaze open and sincere. "Sure." 

"What happened?" Herc makes an undefined gesture that could include everything, from them to the room to the world. "I mean, I feel like things changed massively while I was out, and now I'm not even sure this is real. Especially Chuck, he seems like an entirely different person. He hasn't said one sharp word to me ever since I woke up."

Mako lowers her gaze for a moment, same as Herc has seen Chuck do when he enquired after Raleigh. Now he's sure that he's missing an important piece of information. 

Mako seems to think about where to start, and Herc waits patiently for her to decide. After a few moments she looks up again. "When Gipsy entered the Breach, Slatttern's attack cut Chuck's oxygen line. Raleigh rerouted his own supply and then triggered the ejection of Chuck's escape pod. He piloted solo and had to initiate the core meltdown manually because the systems were damaged. Then we lost all communication until Chuck's pod reached the surface."

She pauses, her lips a thin line. "Raleigh's didn't follow suite. Chuck thought both you and Raleigh were dead. When Raleigh's pod finally did resurface, he wasn't breathing. I heard Chuck say over the comm that he couldn't feel Raleigh anymore." 

She lets that stand for a moment, and Herc feels an icy shiver run down his back. Just the thought of losing the connection to Stacker in such a situation makes his blood run cold, and he's lived with the threat that the cancer poses to Stacker's life for a long time. Chuck on the other hand... It explains so much.

"I don't know what it's like to have a perfect match. I can only imagine that it must be terrifying to lose the connection." She looks at him intensely, and he knows she's not only talking about Chuck and Raleigh. 

Herc swallows hard and nods. She's lived with the fear and the certainty of losing Stacker almost as long as he has. It might be on another level, but she understands. "It is."

"Raleigh woke up for a short moment, but he was in a coma for over a day after they were brought here. The doctors didn't know if he was going to be okay." Mako continues after a moment of silence. "Chuck only left his side to come to see you. Raleigh regained consciousness only a few hours ago."

Herc doesn't have the words to fill the silence. There are still goosebumps covering his skin, and he suddenly understands what was a mystery to him before. Chuck's behaviour, his unexpected maturity, his concern. 

"I think Chuck learned that no matter how bad things are, he still has a lot to lose." Mako concludes, and her voice is quiet but firm, her gaze intense. She seems oddly protective of Chuck. "And now he's trying to make things right."

Herc nods slowly, making a point to hold her gaze. "I will try it, too." 

She inclines her head in acknowledgement and Herc has the impression that he can see a last bit of tension ease out of her shoulders. He never noticed before that it was there.

Mako's gaze rests on Stacker for a long moment, then she looks at Herc. "I will let you and Sensei rest. You must be tired." 

"I'm fine, Mako. I'm not invalid." Herc can't help argue and fingers his thin hospital gown. "If you could maybe find me some decent clothes..."

"Chuck warned me that you would try to return to duty, and I won't agree to it." Mako's voice is firm and no-nonsense, but her eyes are sincere, almost gentle. "Tendo-san and I have it under control. For now your only duty is to rest and get better."

Herc smirks and watches Mako walk towards the door. She has also changed in the past week. She's even stronger than she was before, and he respects her for it.

"Mako." 

She stops with her hand on the handle and turns around to look at him. "Yes?"

"Thank you." Herc has to clear his throat, and he's glad that the dim light helps hiding the blush he can feel on his cheeks. "For everything you did. For caring for Chuck. For caring for me."

She smiles, and it's spontaneous and heartfelt, and it warms something inside Herc. Then she inclines her head again in a little bow before she disappears out of the door. When it quietly clicks shut behind her, Herc takes a deep breath and lets it escape slowly. He's still overwhelmed by everything he learned. Stacks being in a coma, the things Mako told him about Chuck and Raleigh, the realisation of what Chuck went through in the past few days. It's no surprise that he isn't the same man he was before Operation Pitfall. 

Herc slides down a bit, careful not to upset the IV in his uninjured hand, and cuddles up to Stacker's warm body. He rests his head on Stacker's shoulder and buries his nose against his neck. He can feel a reaction to his touch in the ghost drift, and it eases his inner restlessness. Herc closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, allowing the familiar scent of Stacker's skin to calm him. 

Suddenly his limbs feel heavy and he realises just how exhausted he is, how much the interaction with Chuck, Caitlin and Mako has worn him out. His right arm is throbbing in its cast, and the left side of his face begins to burn. The painkillers are wearing off, but he's too tired to care and the pain is not intense enough to keep him awake. Maybe Chuck was right and he really needs a little more rest before returning to his duty. Mako and Tendo are very capable, after all. 

It's his last conscious thought before sleep claims him and he joins Stacker in the pleasant nowhere that he remembers from earlier.


	28. Step by Step (Chuck/Raleigh, Stacker/Herc, Mako, Tendo)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The future of the PPDC is one of the most urgent matters to take care of after Operation Pitfall. The UN is preying on their success, their purpose has suddenly dissolved and not only are almost all pilots out of commission, they don't have any Jaegers left, either. It's time for a new battle plan.

_Hong Kong Shatterdome, 15th January 2025_

 

It's probably the strangest place for an official meeting, but Herc was clear about how he wants all pilots along for the discussion. And since Raleigh is still bed bound, he just decided to have the meeting in Raleigh's room in the med bay. Coincidence has it that out of the ten Jaeger pilots, seven are still currently residing in the med bay in various stages of healing, so it seems like a reasonable decision.

Still, it's strange. Tendo is sitting in an uncomfortable plastic chair with his tablet in his hand and can't help watching the rag-tag group of people assembled in the room. The most noticeable are Gottlieb and Geiszler, mostly due to their loud and constant bickering. Gottlieb is standing close to the door and the grip on his cane is very tight - which Tendo learned a long time ago is a sure sign that he wants to hit Newt. Strangely enough he never does give into the urge, though. There are bets going on about when he will finally cave. The pool has grown steadily over the years, and whoever the winner will be, they're going to be rich. Same goes for the bets on the question of whether they are a couple or not, and since when. Tendo oversees all of the bets and has placed his own wager a long time ago. Of course he does have the advantage of knowing Newton pretty well. They spend a lot of time together on making simulation scenarios, after all. And naming Kaiju.

That is also why Tendo has noticed that the dynamics between Gottlieb and Newt have changed ever since their drift with Baby Otachi. He can't quite put his finger on what it is, but something is different. He's going to keep an eye on them, make sure they don't do something stupid. Because for being such intelligent men, they can _both_ be remarkably stupid. He's watched them long enough to know.

When Tendo turns his head, his gaze falls on Raleigh who's sitting propped up in his bed, and Tendo still feels uneasy at the sight of all the tubes attached to him in several places. Well, it's only been a day since he woke up, and he's still in rather bad shape, but it reminds Tendo so much of the time right after Knifehead that it makes his stomach churn. He doesn't like thinking of it, of the empty look on Raleigh's face, of the feeling that there was nothing left of his friend, just a shell without any life in it, as if Yancy had taken Raleigh with him when he was ripped out of Gipsy's Conn-Pod. 

One look at Raleigh now tells him that things are different this time around, though. Raleigh seems tired and is obviously battered, but it's physical rather than mental, and that's good. Chuck is sitting next to Raleigh on the bed, making no effort at all to hide their relationship - it's not like there's anybody in this room who isn't aware of it, anyway. Chuck's boots are standing on the floor and his legs are stretched out on top of the sheets, and the hand of his bandaged right arm is casually holding Raleigh's as if they need a physical connection. Otherwise they are both sitting straight and paying attention to the events. 

It's still strange to see Chuck like this, so open and affectionate - at least when it concerns anybody other than Max. Who's currently curled up under Raleigh's bed, halfway hidden by Chuck's boots, not that Tendo is going to point that out to anybody. He's reasonably sure the nurses won't be pleased to find a dog in the med bay.

There's a second bed in the room, and it holds Cheung Wei. He woke up three days ago, but he's still some serious recovery time away from getting back to his feet. The head of his bed is elevated so he can see what's going on, but he's not ready yet to sit on his own. Tendo has visited him several times and always got hooked in a game of cards with him and his brothers. Hu and Jin are constantly camped out in Cheung's room, no matter that they each have their own. More than once has Tendo encountered Sasha and Aleksis in Cheung's room, too. He's not sure if they came for the game or out of boredom.

Right now, Hu is sitting in a wheelchair next to Cheung's bed because he not only has a broken leg, but his left arm is fractured in two spots, keeping him from using crutches like Jin does. In his case it's the right ankle, and he's sitting in the same kind of plastic chair as Tendo himself, one crutch leaning against the wall in his back. The other one has mysteriously made its way under Cheung's bed, and Hu looks all too innocent. For a moment Tendo is envious of Hu's comfortable looking wheelchair. He can't get over the fact that somebody in this world actually got paid for creating such uncomfortable plastic chairs as the one he's sitting in, and then managed to sell them in the hundreds to the PPDC. In Tendo's opinion, that person should be imprisoned for torture. Along with the person in the PPDC who agreed to buy them.

Next to the door, parked on another two of those torture chairs, are Sasha and Aleksis. His arm is in a cast that has multiple scribbles all over the formerly white surface, and Tendo knows it's mostly the Wei's handiwork because they made Aleksis pay for lost games with the right to embellish his cast. There's a prominent snowflake drawn on the part that covers the back of his hand, in a light blue marker with a dark blue outline, and Tendo has to hide a smile at the sight of it. He knows it's Sasha's work. Maybe it's an excuse for the black eye Aleksis is sporting, although it has turned a sickly shade of green by now. 

Sasha herself looks as badass as always with the laceration on her forehead, maybe even more so with the butterfly bandages that replaced the stark white dressing she had to wear the first few days. No doubt there will be a scar left, but Tendo knows her well enough to be sure Sasha doesn't mind. She'll make use of it to enhance her badass reputation, and she regards all of her scars as medals of honour for the service she provided for the world. In spite of the bruising and the small bandages that spread all over her body, she looks impeccable. Her bleached hair is neatly braided back and her lips are red with her favourite lipstick. Tendo smirks. It takes more than a Kaiju almost killing her to bring her down.

Tendo's musings are interrupted when Mako comes in and Raleigh waves her over. Her left arm is still in a sling, and it will be for a while, but she moves around as if she got used to the temporary restriction in her range of motion. She comes to stand next to the bed on Raleigh's side, a bit unsure of her place, until Raleigh reaches out to take hold of her wrist to pull her down so she's sitting on the edge of the bed. After a second or two she relaxes and gives both him and Chuck a smile. Tendo is amazed to see Chuck return it, even if it's just for a quick second. Things are really changing around here.

The only person who should be there but isn't is Marshal Pentecost. He's still in a coma, and for now Herc is taking over for him. No word was said about it, it's just how it is. Still, Tendo feels his absence strongly. Pentecost is the heart of the PPDC, the driving force behind it, and it feels wrong that he's not here to decide about its future now that the Kaiju are defeated. 

Herc comes in last with Caitlin Lightcap in tow, and he doesn't look much better than any of the other pilots. He is moving slower that he normally would and there's still a huge bandage covering the left side of his face. Tendo knows it's a gash from the express mode ejection of the escape pods, same as the broken arm and the concussion. Still, he's up and moving around after just one day in the med bay, and while he seems tired, he's also very obviously determined to get things going. Tendo and Mako have jointly decided to back him up the best they can and to take as much of the load of commanding the PPDC off his shoulders as possible. They appreciate his sense of duty, but they would rather not see him keel over because he overdid it. It's something Herc is prone to, so they'll keep a careful eye on him.

"I see everybody got the memo." Herc says when he closes the door behind him and makes his way over to the table under the TV that's mounted on the wall. He halfway sits and halfway leans against the table and takes a moment to look at all the people in the room. Caitlin smiles at Tendo and quietly sits down in the empty chair next to him. Tendo knows why she's here, he discussed a few things with her and Herc beforehand. 

"Let's start with the bad news." Herc continues after a moment, and the expression on his face darkens. "Ever since the closure of the Breach, the UN has been trying to regain control of the PPDC. I'm sure we all know that they want to take the credit for the success, and I'm also sure that nobody here is willing to let them dig their claws in after they not only abandoned us at a critical point, but actually shut us down in favour of the Wall of Life Programme." 

There are collective nods. There are most certainly no good feelings left for the UN after the way they treated the Jaeger Programme.

"Unfortunately, we also have no Jaegers left. Not to mention that the collapse of the Breach makes the PPDC as the last defence against the Kaiju superfluous. We've fulfilled our purpose, the world doesn't need us anymore."

"Well, that's not entirely correct." Newt chimes in, waving his hand to get Herc's attention. "The concept of the Breach is to allow the passage between the two dimensions. Now, we may have closed _this_ Breach, but that doesn't mean we're out of danger just yet."

"Meaning?" Herc gives him a stern look. This is obviously news to him. Tendo himself has already heard Newt and Hermann argue about it, but they never said anything specific. 

"The Precursors have a way of opening a dimensional rift from their world to ours, and we collapsed just _one_ of them. We didn't destroy their entire race, just this one stronghold, this one facility." Newton stops just long enough to take a breath, but before he can continue, Gottlieb is already speaking.

"It is a fact that they have been on Earth before, sir. They are capable of opening a Breach more than once, we know that, and there is a very high probability that there are other settlements of Precursors." Gottlieb makes sure to sound extra serious. "That means that they can rebuild their systems. It is even possible that they have other Kaiju creation facilities. If there is even just one Precursor left alive, they will open a new Breach, sir. There is no doubt about their determination. Abandoning the entire PPDC and the Jaeger programme would definitely be the wrong decision, sir."

Ever since Baby Otachi, Newton and Gottlieb have become the global experts on Kaiju because their drifts with them made them glimpse information others never were privy to. As far as Tendo knows, they're still writing reports about all the things they learned, trying to piece everything together between the two of them. They learned more than they realised at first, and there have been scientists from all over the world trying to get in contact with them. Tendo knows for a fact that Newton spend some time bragging about it. Said they were the rock stars of K-science now. Gottlieb had just snorted.

"Thank you, Dr Gottlieb, Dr Geiszler." Herc says and for a second he sounds just like Pentecost. He holds out a hand to Caitlin and she gets up and comes to stand next to him. "This is where one of the good news come in. Caitlin, do you want to take over?"

"We all know that we are in a bit of a difficult situation right now. We don't want the UN gaining control, but that also means that we won't get any money from them. We need to find another way to finance ourselves." Caitlin pushes her short blond hair back with the same useless and impatient gesture that Tendo remembers from the time he spent working with her on Kodiak Island. "There are civilian uses for the Jaeger system that we can offer. Not at the same scale, obviously, but the general system is very much an invention we can sell and make enough profit that we can finance the PPDC through it, without being dependent on an organisation like the UN. Any use of a drift-based system needs training, so we can offer to train pilots for the machines. We can have our academy running two sectors, one for the Rangers and one for civilian pilots that will operate the smaller robots, which will be equipped with a one-pilot system."

Tendo knew about this idea beforehand because he, Herc and Caitlin had come up with it last night. They'd spent a good deal of the evening discussing it while sitting in Pentecost's room with dinner trays from the mess next to them. Herc was stretched out on the bed, his hand always holding Pentecost's, much like Chuck and Raleigh seem unable to let go of each other. Tendo wonders if it's a perfect match thing or if it has to do with the fact that they've come so close to losing their partners, because he can't remember Herc ever being so physical with Pentecost before. 

"All civilian use of Jaegers has to be without any kind of weapon system. It's important that we don't allow the tech to be dragged into human-human war. That's not what it was built for, and I think we all agree that that's not what we fought for." Caitlin continues and her words get her affirmative nods form everybody.

"The most important thing is that we keep the Jaeger tech, especially their blueprints, out of government hands. And I mean _any_ government. That's my condition for agreeing to this venture." Herc says firmly. "Once the common enemy is gone long enough, the countries that originally gathered to defeat the Kaiju will turn against each other again, and we have to keep the Jaegers out of it. They will fight over ownership of the Jaegers, and they will want to use them in war. We have to keep that from happening. It's not the legacy of the PPDC. The Jaegers were built as a defence for humankind."

More nods. The closure of the Breach is still very recent and the casualties it took to get to this point are fresh in everybody's memory. The very idea that a Jaeger could be used to kill humans makes Tendo angry, but he's not innocent to the cruel ways of humans. He knows Herc and Caitlin are right, and it's good to see everybody in the room agree with them. He never doubted they would. Nobody was in the fight for the money or the glory, not the pilots assembled in this room. Money has lost its value to them a long time ago.

"There are many civilian uses for Jaeger tech that I can think of. It would be invaluable in construction." Raleigh says from his bed, a thoughtful expression on his face. "Demolition as well. All kinds of tasks that need heavy lifting and strength as well as precision."

"Underwater usage, too, from drilling to salvage work. We have developed hulls that can withstand the pressure of the Marinas Trench, that will interest quite a few people." Mako offers, obviously already thinking about what needs to be done to make those new, smaller Jaegers work.

"Mining." Sasha throws in, and Tedo is relieved to hear her join the discussion. That means she's on board and he wasn't quite sure about that. She smirks, and there's a distinctive evil touch to it. "Prisons." 

Aleksis snorts and they share a look that Tendo doesn't even dare to interpret. Those Russians can be freaking scary.

"So, to summarize the key points, the Precursors are not defeated and we have to be ready for another dimensional bridge opening, somewhere on the planet, at some point." Herc states and looks at Newt and Gottlieb for confirmation. They both give a quick nod. "Meaning we have to keep the PPDC running, _and_ we have to make sure that it is independent from any government or organisation. Right now we have control of all Jaeger tech, and we need to keep it that way. We will start with the design and construction of a new Mark-series of Jaegers, and all the while we'll develop a one-person mini Jaeger and establish a new sector at the Academy to train the pilots." 

"But didn't the PPDC sell the Jaeger Academy and the Proving Grounds along with the Anchorage Shatterdome after its closure in October last year?" Newt asks with a frown and a gestures in the general direction of Raleigh, as if he's a representative of the Icebox.

"Almost." Herc chuckles.

"How can you 'almost' sell something?" Hu wonders aloud.

Tendo smirks and answers in Herc's stead. "Fact is that we never got down to signing the last papers because of the increased Kaiju attacks, which means that technically, the grounds were never sold. The buyer is still waiting for the paperwork."

"Which we have no intention of signing considering the new situation." Herc continues and nods at all of the Rangers. "Now this is where you come in. Not only will we need pilots for future Jaegers, but we definitely need instructors at the Academy, for both sectors, civilian and military."

"Sure thing. We're in." Cheung says from his bed, and his brothers nod in confirmation.

"It's not like we'd ever be satisfied piloting anything but a Jaeger after this." Chuck snorts and at the same time grins at Raleigh. Tendo admits that he kind of likes this Chuck better than grumpy jerk he was before Operation Pitfall.

"I also need your help." Caitlin looks at the Rangers with a hopeful expression. "I'll be heading the research for the new Pons while Miss Mori will be in charge of the teams working on the mecha's design and construction. We would like to recruit some of you as test pilots for the one-person system as well as for the new Jaegers. The last work done for a one-person system was abandoned in early 2015 because our focus was on making Jaegers work, which requires a two-pilot system. Now we're talking about entirely different dimensions, so I will return to the research and I'll need pilots to test the small mechas."

"There's no need to decide right now." Tendo says when she's finished. "We just wanted to let you know what we're looking at. Let us know what you'd like to do and we'll get it sorted."

"First of all we'll need to reactivate the Jaeger Academy and the Proving Grounds so that we can get the research and the training going, later we'll take care of the Icebox." Herc takes a look around the room. "Any questions?" 

"What about the press?" Sasha asks with a raised eyebrow. "They've been banging on the gates for two days."

"I'll take care of them for now." Herc's voice is firm, but he doesn't look too pleased about the prospect of having to confront the sensation-hungry journalists. "You just get better, we'll see what's going to happen when you're back on your feet. I have a meeting with Amanda James, our PR person, later today to discuss how we're going to deal with the press."

When Tendo leaves the room a few minutes later, he feels highly motivated. Somehow this meeting has inspired him and replaced the wariness that comes from not knowing what the future brings, from thinking that the PPDC and therefore he himself have served their due and are superfluous. Now there's things to organise, new plans to set in motion and people to contact. He gets to work with gusto.

 

*** 

 

Herc is sitting in the remarkably uncomfortable chair next to the almost sterile bed where Stacker is lying, concentrating on the feeling of his presence in his mind and watching his chest rise and fall regularly on its own accord. The fingers of his left hand are entwined with Stacker's right, his gaze seldom straying from the motionless face. In his lap lies a tablet with paperwork he should be doing and reports he should be reading, but he hasn't touched it in half an hour.

He's filling Stacker's role as the PPDC's Marshal at the moment, although he made it clear that he doesn't intend to keep the job once Stacker is back on his feet and wants to return to his position. Nobody protested, but Herc knows many aren't as sure as he is that Stacker _will_ actually wake up. But then, they don't share this steady, strong ghost drift with Stacker that Herc feels in his mind all the time. Herc considers it a miracle that they're both here, still breathing and not missing any vital parts of their bodies, so he's not going to be disheartened by Stacker sleeping a bit longer.

The explosion of Striker's payload had not only deep fried the escape pods' electrical circuits, it had also caused massive structural damage. Herc had learned from Tendo that the retrieval crew called it a total miracle that the pods had made it to the surface at all and then managed to stay afloat for almost twenty-two hours before they were found. It was sheer luck that the weather had been good and the seas gentle, or they wouldn't have made it. The fishing boat's crew had reported that Herc's pod had a strong list due to a hole in the hull where it had taken on water for hours. It was fortunate that it had been by his feet, or he would have drowned while floating.

When it's almost three o'clock, his tablet chimes gently to remind him of the meeting with Amanda James, the PPDC's PR lady. Herc switches off the tablet with the paperwork that he hasn't really done and sighs. Time to get going to talk about the publicity the PPDC wants - and _needs_ \- to gain out of their victory over the Kaiju. Herc is not willing to let the press get their hands on any of his pilots yet, at least not until they have recovered enough from their injuries to decide whether they want to be in the public eye or not. And right now, neither the Kaidanovskys nor the Wei triplets nor Chuck and Raleigh are in any condition to face those sharks. 

Neither is Stacker.

As if that isn't enough, the UN is trying to get on board again to rake up 'their' share of the good press that saving the world brings, no matter that they decommissioned and abandoned the Jaeger Programme in favour of the joke that is the Wall of Life. They want to regain control of the PPDC again, but Herc refuses to let them dig in their claws and take credit for something they had no part in. The destruction of the Breach was the PPDC's combined effort, not the UN's. 

Mako, who's for now acting as Herc's second in command together with Tendo, shares his point of view. In the past few days she has proven remarkably efficient in the political matters of their current situation. Just this morning Herc watched the video broadcast on the closure of the Breach that starred Mako as the PPDC's face, as the representative of all the other, mostly injured Rangers who were involved in the defence of Hong Kong and the attack on the Breach itself. She not only kept her cool, but also gave a highly trustworthy, strong and professional image of the PPDC. She's a natural for the press game, and Herc is glad to know her by his side.

Herc also heard from Tendo that it was Mako who dealt with the UN and other government representatives in the immediate aftermath of the collapse of the Breach. Tendo had a proud yet amused smirk on his face when he told Herc about it. She has Stacker's sensibility for political machinations and shares his resolute position on certain matters. She's always polite but there's steel under her calm demeanour and she has a sense of authority around her that belies her age and that most senior politicians totally underestimate. At the same time she is authentic and trustworthy and somehow _real_ , which quickly made her the public's sweetheart, and that gives her word even more leverage. Herc is more than happy to let her handle those matters. He was never meant to be in politics for more than one reason. It's not his playground, it's Stacker's. 

Herc gets up, his tablet in his left hand while the right is quite useless in its cast. He leans in, touches his lips to Stacker's forehead in a gentle kiss and lingers for a moment or two before he straightens and makes his way over to the door. He doesn't like leaving Stacker alone, but he has duties to fulfil and he knows Stacker would frown at him if he ignored them for his sake.

On the way to his office Herc goes by Raleigh's room. When he peeks inside, he finds Chuck lying in the hospital bed with Raleigh, on top of the sheets and curled around him protectively, both of them fast asleep. Chuck has his nose buried in Raleigh hair and his arm is wrapped securely around Raleigh's waist. The white bandage is still covering Chuck's right arm, beginning at his hand and disappearing under the sleeve of his t-shirt. There are more tubes attached to Raleigh than there should be given that it's been two days, and the way Chuck holds him carefully shows clearly that he knows exactly where those tubes are and how not to come too close to them. To complete the picture, Max has claimed the spot in front of the bed next to Chuck's boots and lies there as if he's their most attentive watchdog. Only his soft snoring tells otherwise. Herc still can't help wondering how Chuck managed to get the nurses to allow Max in the med bay.

Herc smiles at the sight. Just a week ago he would never have expected to come across such an open display of affection from Chuck. He has changed a lot since that first drift with Raleigh. In a positive way. Stacker is right - they are good for each other.

Herc decides not to disturb their peaceful slumber, he knows they both need rest. Never mind that Chuck insists that he's fine, the fact that he's asleep in the middle of the day tells Herc that he's not back at a hundred percent. None of them is. For a moment Herc wishes that he could just curl up next to Stacker, pull him close and fall asleep just like Chuck and Raleigh. They look so comfortable, so at peace that he's a tiny bit envious that they can enjoy each other's closeness while he has to wrestle with the press. But that's the curse of being in charge. He'll just make do. 

Mako meets him in the elevator on the way to the Marshal's office. Herc is never quite sure how she manages to have such perfect timing, but he appreciates it. She's holding her tablet with one hand, the other arm is still in a sling, and she's wearing her PPDC uniform instead of her J-Tech overall. She's just as good as Stacker in maintaining a certain image, and dealing with press-related issues means that an impeccable appearance is essential. 

Herc himself hasn't bothered. He's wearing his usual clothes, his old Lucky Seven waistcoat over a henley and jeans, no uniform. He only does uniform - especially dress uniform - on official business, when he has to wear it. He hides a smirk thinking about Stacker's reaction to it. He loves seeing Herc in uniform, and he loves it even more to peel him out of it. It has been a kink ever since they first met, Stacker admitted to him a few years ago. Herc would have sworn that there'd been a blush to his cheeks.

Herc makes sure to banish all naughty thoughts to the very back of his mind before they get to the Marshal's office. They're inside for not even a minute before there's a knock on the door and Mako lets in a petite brunette woman wearing a well tailored, elegant costume. It's Amanda James, a middle aged Canadian who's been the PPDC's PR lady for almost as long as the Corps exists.

"Oh my, Marshal Hansen!" Amanda claps her hands over her mouth and her voice sounds shocked. Herc has to suppress a frown, he still doesn't like it when people call him 'Marshal'. It's Stacker's title, not his. But Mako and Tendo made it clear to him that he has to take it for the time being, it's necessary to keep things together. "Are you all right, sir?"

Only now does Herc remember that it's the first time they meet in person after Operation Pitfall. They've only been on the phone so far, and she hasn't seen him in all his bruised glory yet. The last time she saw him, he had still been whole and healthy.

Herc chuckles. "Don't worry, Amanda, I'm a bit banged up, but otherwise I'm fine."

She doesn't look entirely convinced and warily eyes the bandage covering the left side of his face. "Are you sure? You look like you belong in medical, not in the office. I'm sure I can hold off the press for another day or two."

Herc can't help smiling, because he knows she means it. She's the best PR person the PPDC could have asked for. "Thank you, Amanda, but apart from that broken arm, I'm really doing okay. Don't worry about the bandage, they're planning to replace it with butterfly bandages tomorrow, then I won't look like a mummy anymore."

She can't help chuckling but she still looks worried. "If you say so."

"So, what's the current situation? I heard the sharks are hungry for blood and circling our Shatterdome." Herc leans against Stacker's desk and motions for Amanda and Mako to have a seat in the two chairs in from of him. 

"Well, that description fits the situation quite well, sir." Amanda admits seriously. "You know that in the absence of truth, the press will report rumour. And the only bit of truth they've got from us so far is that first broadcast when Miss Mori declared the closure of the Breach. We need to give them more if we don't want them to fall in the UN's hands."

"Listen, Amanda, we can allow an interview tomorrow, once I get that bandage off my face." Herc offers because he knows that time is of the essence and every day they hesitate they offer the UN more room to spread their greedy tentacles. Amanda nods carefully, she knows that there's more coming.

"I will take the doubtful pleasure of getting grilled by the press, but my pilots remain out of the picture. No harassing them, that's my deal. I don't want those sharks eating them alive while they're still in a hospital bed and can't even defend themselves." Herc is serious about this. He knows they can't avoid the press forever, but he wants everybody in a reasonably good condition before they face the public.

"I can do that. The injuries are a good excuse to keep the press at bay for now. And since everybody is treated here in the Shatterdome, we can control who gets in and who doesn't." Amanda looks at him, her expression serious. "But you know that it won't work much longer, sir. We have to allow interviews at some point. I hate to say it, but the PPDC needs all the support it can get. And if we don't make a move, the UN will, and that's not a good thing for us."

"I know." Herc presses his lips into a thin line. "Still, I want my pilots to concentrate on getting better, and the press besieging them won't do them any good."

"I understand that, sir." Amanda nods slowly. "It's going to work for now. The press - heck, the entire world - is so curious about any first hand information that they will be satisfied by getting their hands on you as one of the active pilots of the mission. But it won't give us more than a few days of rest."

"They never stop, do they?" Herc asks with a heavy sigh.

"No, sir, I fear they don't." Amanda shakes her head slowly. "But their curiosity can actually play into our hands if we use it correctly. We need funding, and since we won't get it from the UN if we don't want to get under their control again, we need alternative revenues. This might help us securing those. I also suggest that we stage some kind of tour through the Pan Pacific Countries with the key participants of Operation Pitfall. Give it a fancy name and use it as a fundraiser as well as a way to get publicity and gain support." 

Herc doesn't like the idea, but he knows it's something they'll have to do. Their situation is getting better now that they have closed the Breach and have the world's gratitude served on a silver plate, but the PPDC is still financially weak and they will need funding to realise their planned business ventures. A publicity tour will open doors for them all over the world. Herc can't for the life of him imagine that any of his Rangers will be eager to go on such a promotional tour, though.

"Let's start with that interview tomorrow, and we'll see where we go from there." It's all the concession he's willing to make right now. He'll have to talk with the others about that tour before he'll sign off on it.

"If you and Miss Mori show up together, it will have an even greater impact." Amanda suggests and looks at Mako who nods in agreement. "You have been the face of the PPDC in the immediate aftermath of Operation Pitfall, so your word carries much weight."

"I will join in if the Marshal wishes it." Mako offers and both women look at Herc. 

"Yeah, it's a good idea. On top of that, the press seems to love you, Mako." Herc grins. "You're our secret weapon."

Mako chuckles. "I will do what I can, sir."

"Great." Amanda claps her hands together. "I will get things organised, then I'll let you know how it'll go off. I think it's a good idea to hold the press conference in the Jaeger bay, it'll drive the point home who actually closed the Breach. It'll strengthen our position."

"Agreed. But we will have tight security set up, I don't want any journalists sneaking off in the hopes of getting an exclusive interview with my Rangers." Herc already knows they'll be trying nevertheless. It's something of a self-fulfilling prophecy with journalists - you invite them to give them information, and if they don't get what they want, they'll just go looking for it themselves. He'll make sure they won't get very far.

"I will set up the necessary arrangements with the press, sir." Amanda gets up from her chair. "Let me know who's in charge of security and we'll coordinate things."

"I'll let you know later today." 

"Great." Amanda walks to the door and gives them a quick smile before she leaves. "See you later."

There's a moment of silence, and Herc just barely suppresses a sigh. He doesn't like having to deal with the press, and the idea of a promotional tour rubs him the wrong way.

"You know the tour is a good idea." Mako says quietly from where she's still sitting in the chair. It's kind of creepy that she knows exactly what he's thinking, but maybe it's just written all over his face.

"I know. Doesn't mean I have to like it." This time Herc does sigh and rubs his hands over his face, careful to avoid the bandage on the left side. He's tired and worn, his right arm is throbbing unpleasantly in its cast and the gash on his face hurts, not to mention that his body is sore all over. He's still black and blue, after all. He just wants to return to the med bay and fall asleep cuddled up against Stacker. He can't, though, there's still too much to do to call it a day.

There's a knock on the door and Tendo comes in, carrying a cup of coffee and a bagel. He gives Herc an appraising look. "You didn't have lunch, did you?"

"Forgot it." Herc feels a bit sheepish and shrugs as if in excuse. Mako sends him a look that is somehow chiding and worried at the same time. "All this press related stuff doesn't exactly boost to my appetite. "

"What's it about?" Tendo asks and forces the bagel in Herc's hand and sets the mug on the desk. As if on cue, Herc feels his stomach growl, so he doesn't resist. He has already noticed that Mako and Tendo have appointed themselves as his guardians, and he knows when fighting is useless. They're right, after all.

"A tour with the pilots of the attack." Mako explains.

"Ahh, promote the PPDC and gain some support on the way?"

"Pretty much." Herc takes a sip of the coffee, surprised to find it sweetened to his taste. "Mako and I will give a press conference tomorrow, and they'll grill us. I'm not looking forward to that."

"I can see why." Tendo makes a face and sends Herc and Mako a look of commiseration.

"We'll also have to allow interviews at some point." Herc elaborates between two sips of the very tasty coffee. It's annoying how he has to set down the bagel every time he wants to drink because he can't hold both with his right arm being useless in a cast. "And I mean all the participating pilots and key crew. It's going to be pure torture."

"Hmm. Maybe..." Tendo stops, he seems oddly hesitant.

"If you have any suggestions, Tendo, then spill." Herc says before he sets down the mug to take a bite of the bagel. It's a good one, with cream cheese, lettuce, ham and tomatoes, and Herc knows right away that Tendo must have used his connections to get something like this in the Shatterdome. He seems to have a network that makes it possible for him to get pretty much everything. Herc never asked about it, he's reasonably sure not everything going on is legal.

"I might have an idea how we can deal with this press issue with the least amount of discomfort for all involved. You know they want interviews with the pilots of the mission, and they won't give up until they get them."

Herc nods and finishes chewing. "Your suggestion?"

"Naomi Sokolov." Tendo says and Herc sees Mako's eyes widen in understanding. He just raises an eyebrow in question. The name seems familiar, but he can't quite place it.

"She's a freelance journalist. " Tendo elaborates. "I know her from way back when things started going to hell. She was supposed to write an article about 'Why we fight'." 

"Ah yes, that rings a bell." Herc nods slowly, careful not so spill the coffee. That's why he knows the name, he remembers Stacker talking about her back then. 

"She's good, Herc. And she'll accept our boundaries and will treat everybody with respect. We could give her exclusive access and thus not only avoid the invasion of our pilots' privacy, but also have an influence on what gets published. And we'd satisfy the public's thirst for knowledge and therefore ease the pressure on us." 

Herc sees Tendo's point, and it's a good one. They can't avoid the press forever, and this seems a far more comfortable way to deal with it than having a horde of journalists in the med bay grilling his Rangers. He also remembers that Stacker had a reasonably good opinion of Miss Sokolov, so it might be worth a shot. He glances at Mako, and she seems to approve of the idea as well.

"All right, contact her and let her know that she'll be given exclusive rights if she's willing to respect it when the pilots say 'no'." Herc says and hopes that it's the right decision. "And I want to talk to her beforehand. She'll also have to collaborate with Amanda James."

Tendo nods. "That should be fine, they know each other already."

"Even better. That'll make things easier." Herc takes another bite of the bagel and enjoys the way the cream cheese tastes not only rich, but also holds a touch of herbs. Yeah, this is definitely a bagel that required connections.

"I'll call her, let her know our conditions and see what I can set up." Tendo turns to leave.

"Tendo." Herc calls after him before he can disappear out of the door. When Tendo stops and turn around, Herc raises the half-eaten bagel in his hand. "Great bagel."

Tendo's grin stretches over his entire face. "Thanks, sir. I know where to get the best ones."

"I can tell." Herc smirk and continues eating, while Tendo leaves looking smug. Mako is only remotely trying to hide her smirk.

"So what's next on the schedule?" Herc asks when he's finished his food. He's still leaning against the desk and sips the rest of his coffee while Mako is checking her tablet. She has it resting on her knees so that she can operate it with one hand. Herc can't help finding it funny that he's unable to use his right and she's unable to use her left, and together they're running the PPDC. It's kind of ironic.

"We have a video conference with the UN in twenty minutes, sir." Mako says and it's only a tiny inflection in her voice, but Herc can tell that she's not expecting it to be pleasant. She's probably right. "Afterwards there's a meeting with Hawks Constructions, a potential buyer for our planned mini-Jaegers."

"Great." Herc says, setting down the now empty mug, and pushes away from the desk. "Let's get to work."

It's almost ten in the evening before Herc manages to retreat to the med bay. He's dead on his feet, not that he'd admit that to anybody but Stacker.

He brushes his teeth in the little en-suite bathroom - a difficult task with his right hand in a cast - and washes his face best he can with a bandage covering half of it, then he slips out of his boots and jeans and leaves them on the plastic chair next to the bed. When he slides underneath the sheets that are warm from Stacker's body heat, he sighs in utter contentment. He consciously relaxes all his muscles and melts against Stacker.

"I don't know how you put up with all of this every day, Stacks." Herc murmurs against Stacker's neck, not caring the least that he sounds like a petulant child. "You have to wake up real quick and take over for me, or I'll crack a fruity, I can promise you that."

He's not sure if it's his imagination, but it feels like there's amusement coming over the ghost drift. He's asleep before he can find out.


	29. A terrible Suspicion (Newt/Hermann)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermann Gottlieb has a terrible suspicion which he doesn't want to be true and seeks advice. Aleksis Kaidonovsky and Caitlin Lightcap are two of the people he asks. It's Newton he pointedly _doesn't_ talk to.

_Hong Kong Shatterdome, 15th January 2025_

 

It's two o'clock. In the _morning_.

The sheets are fresh and crisp, the temperature in his quarters is adequate and the mattress is comfortable. He should be sleeping. There is no obvious reason why he isn't.

Hermann stares at the ceiling and frowns. He hates lying awake. It's such a waste of time.

Usually he just gets up and goes back to work on nights like this, but he knows for a fact that Newton is still in the lab working on his pet project, that drift device he's been planning for ages. And Newton is exactly the one person he does _not_ want to have contact with right now.

Newton and his reckless ideas. It's a pity they usually work out, or he would have learned a long time ago to be a bit more rational and not to listen to his hunches quite so much. Just take that drift with the Kaiju brain he did. It's common knowledge that the neural surge of a solo drift is too much for the human brain, never mind if it's to pilot a Jaeger or to tap into a Kaiju's brain. Even Newton should have known that - and he probably did, too. But, careless wannabe rock star he is, he jumped in. Head first. Without a safety harness.

And it worked. When it really shouldn't have.

And then Hermann somehow got the stupid notion to join him for that second drift. He's definitely spending to much time with Newton, otherwise he would never have done something so insane. So risky. So reckless.

Hermann is _never_ reckless. He knows better.

Or so he thought. If he's honest with himself - and he always is, it's one of his fundamental rules of living a healthy life - he has to admit that he didn't think, he just jumped with Newton. Of course he'd been very worried about the fact that only two Kaiju had shown up instead of three as there should have been, but that would never have been enough to make him join a crazy, reckless Kaiju groupie in a drift experiment with a just recently deceased infant Kaiju using a totally makeshift and highly improvised device that was probably more dangerous than the Kaiju itself.

With an annoyed sigh Hermann turns on his left side to take the strain off his bad leg. It's starting to cramp, a sure sign that he's getting worked up. It's another thing he hates, even more than lying awake.

It's all Newton's fault, anyway. Newton and his reckless ideas. 

It has been a week now. A week, and for every single one of those seven days has he noticed things that may or may not have been there all along. About him and Newton and their interaction. Maybe he was too busy, too focussed on other, more important things to notice them before. Because it's right after their drift that Hermann gets this terrible, horrible, awful suspicion. He doesn't talk about it because he can't bear to, he's too afraid to be right. That triple event taught him that being right isn't always a good thing.

He and Newton show all the signs of being a perfect match. 

They're not even pilots, so under normal circumstances they would never have found out because they would never have drifted together. But the circumstances weren't normal back then, and Newton was - _is_ \- even less so. He's too busy and excited about his new pet project to pay any attention to the signs Hermann keeps finding all over the place - or rather, all over _them_. Right now, Hermann is quietly grateful for Newton's ignorance. 

His first instinct was that it couldn't be. Not only because they're certainly no warriors, but because of _what_ they are - totally incompatible, there's no doubt about that. Everybody would confirm that after only two minutes of knowing them. Just the idea that he and _Newton_ of all people should be drift compatible is so absurd it's laughable, and taking it one step further to make them a perfect match is absolutely impossible. He'd even convinced himself of it to the point that he'd forgotten about that strange thought.

Until he found out that he could still feel Newton in what the pilots call the drift hangover - _two days_ after their drift. That shouldn't have been possible. The lingering neural connection should have faded entirely by then, or at least almost entirely. 

Well, it hadn't. It still hasn't.

Suspicious, Hermann went over all the data recorded from their drift with the infant Kaiju - he still refuses to use the name Baby Otachi like Newton does, as if he's talking about his pet - and although there wasn't nearly as much 'pilot' related data collected as in a Jaeger drift, there's some. It all indicates that their synchronicity was actually at one hundred per cent - something only ever recorded for perfect matches - and their brain scans show the same pattern typical for perfect matches. Still, it's only vague data because the drift device was improvised by Newton in less than perfect conditions, and therefore the complete and conclusive gathering of data wasn't a priority. The outcome of the recording is spotty at best. 

Still, the indications are there. Hermann groans and drags his hand over his face. How is he supposed to live with this... _knowledge_? With the fact that he can pick up Newton's feelings loud and clear? It's too much, he's not equipped to deal with such unwanted closeness, even if it's mental rather than physical. 

Because Newton has _a lot_ of feelings. Usually they're very strong, too.

Hermann doesn't like having to deal with feelings. They're messy, they're chaotic, they're exhausting and completely incomprehensible. They lead to misunderstandings and drama. Hermann prefers numbers, they don't do any of that. They're demanding, sure, but they're always logical, always predictable and they never ever have emotional breakdowns (he has seen them _cause_ emotional breakdowns, though. You have to be strong to be a mathematician, and some people just can't deal with it, he thinks smugly). 

He has to do something. He's a scientist, so he'll do what any good scientist would do: gather information. Herman decides that he needs to do some research to find out if his suspicion is true or complete nonsense. The first logical step is to ask somebody at the source, somebody who's actually part of a perfect match and therefore can give him inside information. There are not that many people he can ask. Obviously the Marshal is out of the question since he's still in a coma and Hermann doesn't think Ranger Hansen has the patience to deal with his questions right now. The man is utterly busy running the Shatterdome and trying to win over the press. His son and Mr. Becket are not people Hermann can imagine talking with about something that personal. Also, they're a pretty new perfect match, their experience is limited. That leaves one person he knows he can talk to, somebody who will actually take the time to listen and then answer absolutely honestly.

Aleksis Kaidonovsky. 

Astonishingly enough, it's only Sasha Hermann is actually kind of scared of. Let's just say he has a healthy respect for the female pilot. Aleksis on the other hand, he feels comfortable with. Maybe it's because Aleksis likes numbers - it's a well kept secret, but Hermann is one of the few people who know that Aleksis does his own engineering and therefore his own calculations in his spare time. He asked Hermann to check one of his calculations once, that's how they came in contact. At first, Hermann thought the Russian had either mistakenly ended up in his lab, or that Newt had done something stupid and Aleksis was looking for him to kill him.

Aleksis is a quiet man, but many people mistake his silence for lack of intelligence. Herman has to admit that he did so too, before he got to know the Russian. Sasha is definitely the more flamboyant one of the pair, even if she's not the most talkative either, and Aleksis tends to disappear next to her, never mind his physical size. They're playing on those stereotypes, Hermann has seen them do it countless times. Most people never even realise they've been had. Those two have a twisted sense of humour. Hermann is relieved that he seems to be excluded from their subtle but mean games with people's assumptions.

Yes, Aleksis will tell him the truth about perfect matches. He may even help him find out if Newton and he are one, or if maybe, hopefully, Hermann can forget the entire insane idea and go back to his life like it was before the drift with Newton screwed it up. It's all Newton's fault, did he mention that before?

Yes, he'll talk to Aleksis first thing tomorrow morning. He can go visit him in the med bay on the pretext that he's there for a game of chess, like he did several times since the double event. Because whenever there is a moment of quiet Herman and Aleksis like to play a round. The good thing is that they don't even need a chessboard to do so, they play in their minds. Sometimes they tell each other the next move when they pass each other in the hallway or the mess hall. Three or four words, and the game is still on. Their longest one lasted almost a week, but admittedly, Aleksis had to deploy in the middle of it. Hermann knows that Newton has picked up on their games by now, but it took him very very long. Hermann guesses that it's the fact that it's Aleksis Kaidonovsky he's playing mind chess with that deterred Newton for so long. Most people assume he doesn't even know the rules. 

They are so wrong. Sasha and Aleksis have been playing mind chess for ages, and Aleksis told him once that being a perfect match actually makes the visualisation so much easier. They literally share the thought of the chess board. 

Hermann can't imagine doing that with Newton, perfect match or not. Newton doesn't have the patience for chess, never mind a week long game. He'll be head over heels in Kaiju remains before they'll ever manage to get past the first round. 

Hermann turns yet again, but sleep still won't come. Finally he switches on the reading lamp and takes his book from the beside table. He won't get any sleep tonight and he can't go to the lab to work, so he might just as well read a little until it's time to get up. 

By eight o'clock he's on his way to the medical bay. He knows Aleksis and Sasha will be up, they don't sleep in when there are things to do, and being on medical leave hasn't made them idle. There's a meeting with all the Rangers and key personnel of Operation Pitfall scheduled for ten am, after all. Hermann figures there's enough time before that to talk to Aleksis. 

When he enters their room after a polite knock, he finds Aleksis sitting in his bed with a notepad and a pen in his hands. It looks rather awkward with his left arm in a cast with scribbles all over it, most prominent a blue snowflake on his hand. He looks up when the door opens and gives Hermann a pleased smile. "Hermann. What brings you here this early?"

"I was wondering if you fancy a game of chess." Hermann knows he sounds wooden and uncomfortable, but he can't help it. Aleksis is used to it.

"You need to clear your mind?" He asks with a raised eyebrow and puts pad and pen aside. He knows Hermann pretty well by now if he can tell about his inner unrest after just thirty seconds in the same room.

"A game might help." Hermann doesn't deny it because he never lies to Aleksis. The Russian is way too good at seeing through him, and Hermann prefers not to feel like a fool for lying when Aleksis points it out. Because he will, he's direct like that. Hermann learned that the hard way. It was very embarrassing and he doesn't intend to ever repeat the experience.

Hermann sits down in the chair and looks at the empty bed that's pushed together with Aleksis' to form one big mattress. "Where is Sasha?"

"She's in physical therapy and gets tortured." Aleksis pointedly jerks his shoulders up and down. "She calls it a massage, but I know she hates it - contrary to the massages I give her. So it's torture, no matter what she calls it. She'll be back in time for the meeting." 

"The one Marshal Hansen called for ten o'clock." It's not really a question, of course it's that meeting. There is no other.

" _Da_. She wouldn't miss that for the world. Sounds like it'll be quite interesting." 

"It certainly will be." Hermann plays nervously with his cane, his fingers passing over the polished brass head in a steady pattern. He looks up when the silence stretches for too long.

"You are not here for chess." Aleksis points out, making no effort to be polite. It's just his way, and it took Hermann some time to get used to his directness that often collides with politeness, but now he quite likes how it simplifies things. 

"No, it's not my only reason." Hermann admits after a moment of uncomfortable silence. Maybe he should try the direct approach that Aleksis favours so much. "What does it feel like to find... well, to have a perfect match?"

"It's quite different if you're in an active neural handshake or just the ghost drift. But basically it's like you're connected to another person on a level deeper than anything you have ever come across. You share thoughts - doesn't mean you agree, but you can feel them. During the drift everything is absolutely clear. No questions, no hesitation. You don't share your mind, you _are_ one mind." Aleksis shrugs, then he smirks. "It can be very annoying, too. Especially the ghost drift. Sasha loves to send me naughty images at the most inappropriate moments. Images work better than words. Can be very distracting. It's good that I can get out of most situations just by looking menacing."

Hermann listens with a mixture of fascination and dread. Aleksis is pretty much describing exactly what is happening with Newton and him - well, minus the naughty thoughts, but that's probably only because Newton hasn't found out about the possibility yet. So much for Hermann's hopes of it all being just his overactive imagination. 

"Why the sudden interest?" Aleksis asks, and his voice may sound casual, but there's a sharpness to his gaze that makes Hermann's skin prickle uncomfortably. He still doesn't want to say his suspicion out aloud. It's a bit like that'll make it real.

"You have found your match?" Only for the fraction of a second does Aleksis look surprised, then a huge grin spreads over his face. "It's Newt, isn't it? Your crazy science partner that you supposedly can't stand?"

"He's not my 'science partner'!" Hermann retorts immediately, it's a reflex of some kind. Only then does he realise that he didn't actually deny it.

"You suspect he is your perfect match." It doesn't really sound like a question. It kind of annoys Hermann how little surprise there is in Aleksis's voice. 

"'Fear it' would be the more accurate choice of words." Hermann can't help pointing out. "But I don't know."

"You know. You feel it." Aleksis insists in that simple, straightforward way he has with all the things Hermann regards as utterly complicated. He looks at equations the same way, and it fascinates Hermann. He doesn't understand how anybody can simplify things so much and still not lose any of their complexity. Hermann desperately wished he knew how to do that, especially when it concerns other humans.

Hermann frowns, dissatisfied. "That is not helping me."

"I think it is." Aleksis simply answers back, and there's not much Hermann can say to that that wouldn't be either affirmative or outright rude. He's not willing to be either.

After contemplating his options, Hermann decides for another course of action. "You don't seem surprised."

"It's no secret that you two don't really hate each other. You behave already like an old married couple, and have for years. I never expected you to be a perfect match, though. It's such a rare thing." Aleksis looks at him for a long moment, tapping the index finger of his broken arm on his chin, deep in thought. "Although, it does make sense."

Hermann doesn't agree, but he refrains from pointing that out. He and Newton make no sense at all. They're totally opposite, they're always at odds, they don't even get along. It certainly does _not_ make sense that they're a perfect match. Rangers should be, not scientists.

"You should talk to him." Aleksis serious voice interrupts Hermann's train of thoughts.

He can't help pulling a face. "We'll see."

"He will notice, Hermann. He feels it, too. It's a two way street." There's experience colouring his words, and Hermann can't help wondering how he and Sasha first found out they were a perfect match - the first one in the PPDC's history, on top of that. It doesn't sound like it was easy.

Hermann only sighs, and it comes from the bottom of his heart. "I know."

"Talk to him." Somehow Aleksis manages to make it sound more like advice than an order.

"I shall." Hermann agrees after a moment of silence. He knows Aleksis is right. It will only get very complicated it he doesn't clear the air with Newton. Hermann slowly gets up to leave and stands next to the bed, hesitating. Then he gives Aleksis a short, but sincere nod. "Thank you for your help."

"You're welcome, Hermann." Aleksis smirks, it's obvious that he's satisfied with the outcome of this conversation. But Hermann still has questions. Things that are more on the scientific side of it all, and Aleksis can't answer all his queries, after all. There is no doubt that the perfect person to talk to happens to be right here in this Shatterdome at the moment - Dr. Caitlin Lightcap. She is _the_ leading expert in the field of drifting. She brought it to the point where it could actually be used in a Jaeger, after all, and was the first person to ever engage in a drift. And she found out about the perfect match phenomenon. Who better to ask then her? 

It's late in the afternoon before Hermann gets the opportunity to talk to Dr. Lightcap, though. The meeting at ten o'clock and the aftermath keep him very busy, and then Dr. Lightcap is in a meeting with Miss Mori for a long time. It gives Hermann enough time to think about a pretence for his sudden interest in perfect matches, because he doesn't want to admit his suspicion to somebody who may be an expert, but technically is a stranger to him. He may have worked with Dr. Lightcap when he wrote the programming code for the Mark I series, but they never had a lot of interaction. And somehow this entire affair with Newton and him possibly being a perfect match feels too private to discuss with a stranger. He can discuss it in the abstract, but not when it's clear that he's talking about himself. 

It's almost five o'clock when Hermann arrives at the lab Dr Lightcap has set up with Mr. Choi's help immediately after her arrival. Hermann made an appointment with Dr. Lightcap to make it more official, and already let her know that he's looking into aspects of the perfect match connection because he will join Newton in his pet project. It sounds plausible enough, he thinks.

Dr. Lightcap is reviewing some data on one of the many screen in her lab when Hermann knocks on the doorframe since the door itself is wide open and he feels uncomfortable to just walk in.

"Oh, Dr. Gottlieb, come in." She gives him a smile and motions at one of the chairs next to her. "I'm sorry for the mess. I don't have an office, I basically work only out of the lab."

"That is no problem, Dr. Lightcap. I have the same arrangement." Hermann likes labs better than offices anyway. He takes out his notepad and pencil - yes, he still thinks that the brain remembers things better when you physically write them down - and sits down on the chair she offers. 

Dr. Lightcap quickly saves whatever she was working on, then she turns towards him. "So, do you have any specific questions about perfect matches? I'm sure you have a broad knowledge of the subject already, so let's cut the basic stuff and get right to the heart of the issue. I have you know, though, that there's very little research specifically concerning the perfect match phenomenon."

"I am aware. And I do have a few specific questions." Hermann spent a part of the afternoon preparing this meeting, and now he's glad he did. Proper preparation prevents poor performance, after all. "We know of very few perfect matches so far, and all of them are Rangers, either pilots in training or active. My first question is: Could a perfect match exist in people who aren't pilots?" 

"It sure could. It's very likely, even." Dr. Lightcap confirms his worst fear - or rather destroys his biggest hope, meaning that non-pilots can't be perfect matches. It would have resolved his entire dilemma. "The perfect match theory isn't an invention of the Jaeger era. It has existed as long as humans do. It's just that now, with the specifics of the Jaeger piloting system, it became relevant for the first time in ages - because having a perfect match pilot a Jaeger has a huge impact on the Jaeger's performance. But I'm sure that many soldiers throughout the ages can tell you something that sounds suspiciously like a perfect match. That one guy who always just seemed to know what they were thinking, the best comrade to have in combat with you, awesome cooperation that needs no words, that kind of thing. For warriors it has been very important for centuries. They just didn't call it a perfect match."

Hermann nods and makes notes of what she says. It makes perfect sense, he has already expected this kind of answer. Still, he had to make sure. "What would be the best method to find out if two people are a perfect match? Have you ever specifically tested for it?"

"Well, since the phenomenon was an accidental discovery and concerned only four pilot teams out of over forty, no, we haven't specifically tested for it. Fact is that a perfect match just happens or not, and it's not predictable by the amount of suspected compatibility between two pilots. Testing for it would be expensive, take a lot of time and have a very low success rate. The fact alone that the PPDC never even funded research on the subject, although a perfect match means almost invincible Jaeger co-pilots that are valued highly, tells you all you need to know about the expected success rate." Dr. Lightcap shrugs, and she looks unhappy. It's quite obvious that she would like to do some research herself, but Hermann is reasonably sure that the funding situation is even worse now than it was before. They may have closed the Breach, but that didn't exactly make the PPDC rich. Quite the opposite, actually.

"So what would you do to find out if there is a perfect match compatibility between two people?" Hermann asks to get back on the subject. He still hopes there's some way for him to test, to make really really sure, before he talks to Newton. He doesn't like going into a conversation like this without having all the fact. _Facts_ , not suspicions, mind you.

"It's obviously best to have the potential team engage in a drift and monitor their brain activity." Dr. Lightcap replies immediately. It's obvious she has also recently delved into the subject again and loves it with a passion. "The thing is, it seems that the first drift initiates the lingering neural connection - the ghost drift or drift hangover as the pilots call it - and that it does _not_ manifest before that first neural handshake. From what little information I have, the perfect matches had a closer than normal connection to each other before, but it was the first drift that opened the link. They report about being able to feel their partner's feeling - and occasionally also thoughts - even after the neural handshake is disengaged. Contrary to normally linked pilots where the lingering neural connection is not that strong and fades within a day or two, the perfect match maintains the same connection." 

She hesitates for a moment, then she seems to come to a decision. "From one exceptional match I even know that _years_ of not drifting did not make their ghost drift fade."

Hermann knows she has to be talking about the Marshal and Ranger Hansen. The things Newton told him about years ago, the things he had discovered in the Marshal's medical record, come to Hermann's mind. That the Marshal is a perfect match with Hansen, and that he can never drift again without the risk of dying from the neural damage. And now that he _did_ engage in a drift, he's in a coma. Just as predicted.

But he's not dead. Opposite to what was predicted. If Hermann found out one thing during his time working for the Marshall, then that he's a very strong man who doesn't break easily. That he's still alive proves this theory right.

"Does that mean that two people could be a perfect match without ever knowing about it as long as they don't engage in a neural handshake?"

"That's correct." Dr. Lighcap confirms, then she corrects herself. "Well, almost. I talked a little bit to Mr Becket today after the meeting, asked him if he was willing to do some tests for me since he's the only other pilot who ever drove solo and survived. And he's part of a perfect match, too, so he fits the Marshal's profile very well. I think the data we can get from him can improve our understanding of not only the drift, but also the role a perfect match connection plays. Well, back to your question, he told me that he knew - and I quote - 'with absolute certainty' that he and Chuck Hansen were a perfect match after they'd got in a brawl in the hallway in front of the Marshal's office."

"That's interesting." Hermann cocks his head to the side. He wasn't privy to that information before, and it sheds a new light on his feeling that he and Newton might be a perfect match. Because if he's honest, it never was a 'might be' - it pretty much was certainty ever since their drift. He just didn't - and still doesn't - want it to be true.

"Indeed, it is." Dr. Lightcap agrees with a nod. "Especially considering that they didn't know each other before beyond a few - if I'm informed correctly - not very friendly words. So there was no reason to even assume compatibility, the topic had never even come up since Mr Becket was doing tryouts with other potential co-pilots and Mr Hansen was already part of a very successful team." 

"Have you talked to Mr Hansen yet, if it was the same for him? Or to other pilots who are part of a perfect match - it should be feasible considering that we have three out of five perfect matches here in the Shatterdome." Hermann can't help being curious despite himself.

Dr. Lightcap shakes her head with a sad smile. "No, I haven't. And the saddest part is that I can't lose focus of my objective, which is to find a way to get the Marshal back. It's not to do profound research about perfect matches, no matter how much I would like to do that. Not only is there no funding for it, but it's also not the most pressing subject right now."

"I understand that." Hermann admits, although he too would like there to be some research about perfect matches. It would help his situation greatly. But he sees that the health of the Marshal has priority right now - they all want him back on his feet. He's the pillar of the PPDC, the one who made it go on when almost everybody else had given up on it. He made sure they did everything in their power to close the Breach, and now he's paying with his health for it. Maybe even his life. His recovery should be their focus. They owe it to him after everything he did. "How is the Marshal doing?"

"He has physical injuries caused by the express mode ejection of the escape pod, but that's something the medical staff can tell you more about than I can. But what really worries me is that his brain scans indicate that there's something very wrong." She frowns and gently shakes her head. "It's almost like he has shut down, but from Herc Hansen I know that he's still in there. I'm keeping him in a medically induced coma because I'm reasonably sure that waking up in that condition will cause havoc to his mind. I'm sure it was caused by the drift he engaged in, but it's not as clear cut as I expected. By all means, he should be dead. But he isn't, and I think that being in the drift with his perfect match plays a huge part in that. Now I just need to find out what to do to get him out of the standby mode his mind is in." 

"Thank you for your time, Dr. Lightcap." Hermann says politely, and gets up from his chair. "You have been of great help."

"You're welcome." She shakes his hand and smiles. "I greatly appreciate it that there's finally some interest coming up for the topic of the perfect match connection. It's about time, and if I can't do that research myself, I'm happy to help whoever does it."

"We're not doing official research, I fear." Hermann feels the need to correct her, because he's not quite sure what Newton's pet project really is about, and he himself is certainly not doing anything official. He doesn't want to give the wrong impression. She should be the one doing this perfect match research, and he's not going to claim doing it if all he's _actually_ doing is trying to figure out this issue with Newton.

"Most research starts like that." She says with a smirk that tells him that she's been in the situation herself before. "Oh, and please tell Newt that I'd love to hear more about his drift project, if he has a spare moment. He already told me a bit about it, and I think it might tie in with my research concerning the Marshal's condition."

"I will let him know. I'm sure he's eager to get to exchange notes with you." Hermann knows that Newton and Dr Lightcap have only met once or twice before, but they've had written contact a lot more. Now that they're in the same Shatterdome, Newton was talking about how he plans to engage her help for his pet project, and it seems he's already been doing the ground work of getting her interested.

Hermann leaves the improvised lab with mixed feelings. He learned a few things that were new to him, but he's not sure yet how that will help him deal with Newton. He decides to go to the mess hall to get dinner and take some time to think about his problem. Maybe some food and a cup of tea will make him see things clearer.

It's almost half past six when Hermann returns to the lab. Newton is sitting in front of his computer and seems to be reading something, and he only gives a distracted nod to Hermann when he enters. Hermann decides to forgo his computer and instead goes straight for the blackboard and takes up a halfway used piece of chalk. He will go over some of his most recent calculations again. Numbers calm him, they make him see things clearly, and the simple act of writing with chalk on a blackboard helps him order his thoughts. He doesn't only use the old-fashioned blackboards because he's eccentric, after all.

As soon as Hermann is in the flow of numbers, he loses himself in their straightforward clarity. It's a thrill he always feels when things work out, when puzzle pieces come together and equations make sense. Time flies. The world ceases to exist, the only remaining connection is the chalk in his hand and the blackboard in front of him. When he finally comes out of it again, the blackboard is scribbled full of his newest ideas and he stands in front of it for a moment to contemplate the direction his calculations are taking. 

"Hey, Herm!" Newton's voice interrupts his musings, and Hermann feels irritation creep up his spine. He doesn't react, but that doesn't deter Newton at all. He's immune to subtleties like that.

"Herm, are you back in this world yet?" The proximity of the noise tells Hermann that Newton has come up to him. There's no avoiding him, and since Hermann knows that for sure, he decided to face the music instead.

"I am working." It's a useless attempt to dissuade him, but Hermann still gives it a try. He doesn't feel ready to deal with Newton and their perfect match issue yet. It doesn't help that he's already getting waves of Newton's curiosity over the ghost drift. It's worse when they're physically close, another reason why he has avoided Newton in the past few days.

"So, I've heard you talked to Caitlin today." Newton is standing right next to him, closer than he would have before their drift. It drives Hermann crazy, but he forces himself to remain composed. "What was that about?"

They're on a first name basis already. Interesting. "If it was your business, I would have told you."

"Well, since she told me that you were about to join my pet project, I kind of think that it is my business. Although I would have liked to hear that from you rather than from somebody else." Newton projects mild annoyance not only by the frown on his face, but also over the link between them. Hermann feels himself stiffen, and his grip on his cane tightens. He doesn't like feeling cornered, never mind that it's mental more than physical, and he refuses to answer.

"So, what is all that secrecy about, Herm?" Netwon turns towards him and takes a step closer so that Hermann instinctively backs up until he feels something hard in his back. Newton now corners him rather bodily between the empty Kaiju brain tank and his own body. "There's something off with you, you're worried about something. And it has something to do with me. Don't deny it, I've felt it for the past week."

There it is again, one of those blatant signs that Newton just doesn't see. He has been _feeling_ that something is off with Hermann because there is, and they still have traces of their drift linger. Just that it should have worn off a day or two afterwards, like Dr. Lightcap had said, it shouldn't still be there a _week_ later! After just _one_ drift! There's no denying the facts anymore. 

There are so many signs pointing at their perfect match connection right now, in this very moment. Like the fact that Newton almost has him pressed against the empty brain tank. That would never have happened before. But since their drift, Newton has begun to touch him. Little things, a hand on his arm or a bump of the shoulder, but the important thing is that he _does_ it. So maybe their relationship has been a little bit more physical since that one time when Newton gave him Peruvian cookies a few years ago, but it was never _that_ physical. Newton always respected his personal space, no matter how much he bugged him otherwise.

He doesn't since the drift. It's also not something he does on purpose, he doesn't do it to rile Hermann up or make him feel uncomfortable. No, he does it because he gets the feedback over their ghost drift that Hermann - and here he's honest with himself again - doesn't mind it. He's horrified to find out that he actually _likes_ Newton close to him, and that feeling transmits - and therefore Newton touches him. And the worst is that since Hermann noticed it and started to pay attention to it, he found out that he can tell quite accurately how Newton is feeling, what's going on inside his head. 

He really never wanted that. Newton's mind is quite a scary place in Hermann's opinion. 

"Are you going to remain silent forever, now? Come on, Hermann, I _know_ something is off. You're not eating enough - I saw you skip lunch three times in the past week! - and you're brooding all the time, and you look like you're expecting a new Breach to pop up in our lab at any moment. Like the world is coming to an end - and I might remind you here that you didn't look like that when it _was_ actually ending. You coped pretty well with that. And now that we've managed to collapse the Breach - yes, I'm well aware it's only temporary, I was in there with you, after all - you suddenly seem to take a turn for the worse. You're not getting depressed, are you? I mean, there's still plenty of stuff to do and -"

"I think we might be a perfect match!" Hermann blurts out because it's too much, he just wants it out of his system.

For a glorious second, Newton is absolutely quiet and just looks perplexed. "Oh, _that's_ what's been driving you crazy? Really? It's not like it's new or anything."

Hermann can't do anything but stare at him, stupefied. Maybe he heard wrong? Yes, he must have heard wrong.

Newt frowns as it dawns on him. "Oh my, it _was_ new to you, wasn't it?"

It takes all of Hermann's deeply ingrained discipline to actually form words without hitting Newton with his cane. He has to grit his teeth while speaking, though. "I take it it wasn't new to _you_ , then."

"Oh no. I mean, it's been going on for years now. Of course our drift clarified a few things - I didn't really think in terms of perfect matches when it comes to non-pilots - but I've kind of suspected it for a long time. You know, just how we always know what the other is doing and thinking, how to best annoy each other, when _not_ to annoy each other. And honestly, who else would stick together like we do when everybody else thinks we hate each other. Okay, it's hard not to think that from an outside perspective, but since I kind of feel what you feel, I know better. Insider knowledge and so-"

"Newton!" Hermann feels like he's close to ripping Newton's head of. Or throw him into the next Breach that might open. With a dead Kaiju wrapped around his neck to make sure that the portal lets him pass.

"Yeah?" Newt actually looks surprised and expectant, a bit like a puppy that doesn't know what it did wrong.

"You _knew_ about this." Hermann growls - honest to god growls, because for once in his life he's really angry. There he was, worrying about this for _a week_ , and Newton has known - or suspected - that they're a perfect match for _years_ and never said a word! How could he?!?

"Yeah, I knew. Well, knew _for sure_ since the drift." He shrugs, and it looks sincere. "I thought you did, too. And that you just didn't want to talk about it. You know, keep up your gruffy image and all that." 

"So you didn't say a thing. How considerate. My wishes usually doesn't keep you from doing or saying anything." Hermann knows, feels over their connection that Newton is saying the truth, and he can't help his anger easing at that. 

"Well, this is rather personal. And, you know, important." Newton shrugs again, and it looks somehow vulnerable. "You had to know after our drift with Baby Otachi. I mean, it was blatantly obvious that we were at one hundred per cent compatibility - and not only because the drift surveillance data said that. And the ghost drift didn't fade, that's a dead giveaway." 

"So I learned from Dr. Lightcap." Hermann says wryly. There's no reason anymore to keep quiet about his visit to consult her about perfect matches.

"Ohhhhh." A grin spreads over Newton's face. "You tried to find out if there was any truth to your suspicion."

"Something like that." Hermann looks down at Newton who's still standing closer than appropriate, but Hermann can't say it causes him the amount of discomfort that it would have had it been anybody else. It's still a strange sensation, though. He's so used to being uncomfortable when people come close to him that it takes some effort not to tense now that Newton is almost touching him.

"By the way, I wanted to ask you something, and since we kind of slithered into the whole thing already..." Newton stops, biting his lip and the frown on his forehead tells Hermann that he's thinking about how to go on. For once in his life Newton looks hesitant, a bit as if he's embarrassed and scared at the same time. It's a look Hermann has never before seen on him, and he hates to admit it, but it worries him. Usually Newton doesn't have a shy bone in his body.

"What do you want to ask me, Newton?" Hermann decides to dig when Newton almost stubbornly remains quiet. He really doesn't seem to know how to continue, and that's definitely a first.

"Well, you know how I was working on that drift device, the one for Pentecost and Hansen? I'm done, but I can't test it, because it's modified for the special needs of a perfect match and you know that there aren't many of those around anymore and I was thinking about maybe asking Sasha and Aleksis, but they're still pretty banged up, same goes for Chuck and Raleigh, and -"

The epiphany hits Hermann like a lorry at full speed going downhill. "You want to test it _on us_. On you and me." 

"Yeah, well, we're a perfect match, so we could, technically." Newton shrugs yet again, this time obviously trying to look casual.

"So what happens if we test it and then find out that we're _not_ a perfect match after all? Do our brains get electrocuted?"

"No worries, we _are_ a perfect match." There's no doubt in his voice at all. "But to answer your question, there's been no test before, so we'll find out, I guess."

"You can't be serious." Hermann takes a deep breath and does his uttermost to remain calm. It's beneath him to get verbally abusive. But the idea is so like Newton, to just go and jump and think about possible consequences later. Just that in this case, they might not be able to think anymore once the device is done with them.

"We drifted with a Kaiju with a makeshift drift invention of mine made out of garbage, and I didn't kill us, did I?" Newton looks smug, and Hermann feels the urge to hit him with his cane return. Instead he only inclines his head, that's as much of an admission as he's willing to make. Of course it doesn't help that Newton is right.

"Well, and..." Newton stops, as if he's searching for words. When Hermann looks at him, there's really and truly a blush on Newton's cheeks and he's licking his lips nervously and clears his throat twice before he continues. Hermann doesn't quite dare to believe his eyes. "I... I kind of wanted to drift with you again ever since Baby Otachi. Just without a Kaiju in the middle this time, you know, and the whole hive mind overwhelming us. Just you and me."

It leaves Hermann speechless. Because he can feel that Newton means it, that he's nervous, no, _scared_ that Hermann will reject him. This might be the most important moment in the entire time they've known each other, Hermann suddenly realises. His answer will define their interaction - no, their _relationship_ \- for the rest of their lives. There's no fixing this if he does anything wrong now. It's not like his equations, he can always erase a line and redo it. That's why he likes them so much. Humans, in the other hand, humans he doesn't understand. There's no redoing any interaction between them. Everything is carved into the memory, unerasable, fixed. 

Hermann finds that he really, really doesn't want to inadvertently break his relationship with Newton beyond repair. But he also knows that he's very bad at dealing with people, at doing the sensitive thing, and he's scared that he might ruin all his chances just by being who he is. Over the ghost drift he feels the level of anxiety rise in Newton with every second that passes in silence, and he knows he has to say something, right now.

"I trusted you when we drifted the first time, and I'm willing to do it again." Hermann says the only thing that comes to his mind, and he desperately hopes that it's the right thing. He's not sure at all. Ghost drift or not, he still openly admits that he doesn't understand Newton enough to predict his reaction in such an unfamiliar situation.

A smile spreads over Newton's face, faint at first but growing in intensity with every moment. It's accompanied by an almost physical warmth that Herman only realises after a few seconds comes also over their connection. He doesn't have the time to analyse the feeling any more, though, because suddenly Newton jumps to action.

"Here, check out my new squid caps!" He's across the lab and at his work station within seconds, and Hermann is surprised by the strange feeling of missing his closeness. It's definitely new for him, he's never experienced that before. He pushes it aside and follows Newton, who's excitedly pushing buttons, obviously setting up his pet project drift device for their trip. Hermann still has his doubts about the wisdom of joining Newton in testing this device, but he's given his word, and he will stand by it. 

Newton keeps talking while pressing one of the two squid caps in his hand, and Hermann can't hide that he's impressed with it. It's smaller, more compact, and most importantly, wireless. Newton must have put a real effort in this project, Hermann thinks. Obviously he's been at it for years, but it's just since the double event that he's really been focussing on it. And ever since he learned that the Marshal is in a coma that's possibly caused by his drift, he's been doubling his efforts. The fact alone that he has the system ready and running just three days after the collapse of the Breach tells more about the amount of work he put in in than any words ever could. 

"Now, the caps work pretty much like the old ones, just a bit more refined. Just put in on and press the top." Newton demonstrated with his own cap, and the familiar red lights come on as soon as he activates it. Hermann follows his example and watches Newton specify some parameters of the drift in the dialogue window on the screen. It's a different setup than those Hermann knows because the third entity is missing for this drift, and obviously that changes how the drift works. Interesting.

"Ready?" Newton asks with the remote control in his hand. It's still the functional and not very pretty wired control box he used for the drifts with the Kaiju. Obviously his effort went more into the designs of the squid caps than into making the machine look professional. Now is definitely not the time to think about the duct tape Hermann can see on the side of the apparatus. 

Hermann presses his lips together and gives a resolute nod. He doesn't feel ready, but this is important in so many ways that he will not hesitate.

"Going in in three, two, one..." Newton holds his gaze, steady and sure. Hermann can't look away, he's caught in that gaze, and then he's hit with the onslaught of the initiation of the drift. It's as overwhelming and terrifying and intoxicating as he remembers it. It's a blur of feelings, sensations, memories, visual and otherwise, and all he can do it allow it to flow through him, leaving a mark in his own memories, an imprint of Newton. He feels how Newton experiences his memories, how he takes them in and files them away in some part of his mind because he wants to know Hermann, he wants to understand him, wants to be there.

And right then Hermann sees it, feels it. How Newton sees him, what he feels when he sees him. He learns that Newton finds his scowl adorable and does everything he can to make Hermann do it because he likes it so much. He sees himself limp tiredly through the lab and feels Newt's desire to sit him down and massage the kinks out of his leg. It's so personal, so intimate, so _caring_ that it makes Hermann blush.

And then he sees himself through Newton's eyes, with his perception and his feelings tingeing the picture. It takes Hermann's breath away because he never knew, never expected that _anybody_ could see him like that.

Newton finds him unbelievably attractive and sexy - _him_ , the grumpy, crippled, old-fashioned hermit who only ever really understood numbers, but never people. It's not that Newton just _tolerates_ those traits, no, he actually likes them or finds them _cute_! 

Newt _wants_ him. 

_All_ of him.

Hermann acts before he can even think about it. He has reached for Newton, pulling him close and his lips pressed against his, within the fraction of a second. It's rather clumsy and awkward, he's off centre and they collide too hard, but Newton doesn't pull back to complain. No, his hands cup Hermann's jaws instead, make him turn his head ever so slightly and suddenly they fit, lips slotting together perfectly. Herman feels Newton's tongue caressing his lips, almost a wordless question, and he opens to him a little nervously. 

Then he's hit with the backlash of Newton's pleasure, his excitement and his arousal, over the active neural handshake, and it pulls the rug out of under him. It's so intense that it feels like the breath is knocked out of him. He hears a low moan and only belatedly realises he's making the sound himself. There are hands on his waist, pulling him closer and closer until they touch from head to toe and Hermann actively leans in and presses against Newton's body. He feels in the drift how much it turns Newton on that he has to lean up to kiss Hermann, and that he loves the feeling of his lips and the taste of his tongue. 

And oh god, Newt knows what he's doing. Hermann would be embarrassed by the noises he's making if he could find it in him to care. He lets go of his cane to fist his hands into the fabric of Newton's already rumpled shirt at his sides, pulling it out of his trousers by accident. His cane falls to the floor with a thud, but neither of them care. Hermann finds that his hands have a mind of their own, or maybe he's just following Newton's desire, but suddenly there's bare flesh under his fingertips and his hands slide underneath Newton's shirt, caress his sides, the small of his back. Newton groans in satisfaction and melts against him, into his hands and into his body. 

And then there's a new layer of memories and emotions coming to light, and Hermann instinctively knows that they were the last secret Newton kept, the last barrier he'd upheld to protect himself. Hermann is almost overwhelmed by the pure desire, the deep affection and the sincere longing that washes over him, engulfs him and makes him feel light headed. 

Oh god, he never knew. He never knew that Newton had a crush on him for _years_. That he fell in love with him bit by bit, the more he knew Hermann, the more he wanted him. With all his imperfection, all his bad habits and unsocial behaviour. He sees fantasies Newton had, some of them so naughty that Hermann feels himself blush furiously, and he can't help but feel it go straight to his groin. He deepens the kiss, warps his arms tight around Newton and pulls him as close as physically possible.

In his mind he feels the echo of Newton's thoughts, feels his desire for him, and it makes him light headed. Newt is heartfelt passion and sincere affection, and Hermann feels himself get drunk on it. He's never been in the focus of such emotions, and he would never have truly believed them if he wasn't experiencing them first hand like he does now, through the connection of the drift. He's hard in his trousers, his erection straining almost painfully against the confines of the fabric, and all he wants is to touch Newt, to have him naked underneath him, writhing with pleasure. 

The image is so vivid that he hears Newton gasp in reaction to it. "Gosh, Herm!" 

And suddenly he feels himself pushed back and shoved up, and then he's sitting on the desk with Newton standing between his thighs. Hermann makes use of the new situation to wrap his legs around Newton's waist and create some friction, and it shoots through his entire body like a lightning. Newton shudders underneath him in reaction to the drift feedback, and his hands pull aimlessly at Hermann's clothes until he gets his hands underneath the fabric to touch his skin. Hermann is torn between pressing back into Newton's hands or forwards into his body, so he does both.

It carries him higher and higher until he's not sure anymore where he ends and Newt begins. His hands clench and unclench in Newt's hair, his breath comes quickly and irregularly, and he's licking Newt's lips, into his mouth, caressing his tongue with his own. He's lost in sensations, in feelings, his and Newton's alike, in their connection. He's lost _in Newt_ , and he doesn't want it any other way.

Just then Newton pushes his hands down the back of his trousers and takes hold of his butt, and that's it, his mind overloads, his nerves fire and orgasm hits him, washing him away into blissed out mindlessness. He feels how it takes Newton by surprise, just drags him along and he's coming too, without any control over it. Hermann is panting, his heart is racing and there's sweat covering his skin. Newton's rapid breathing is warm and wet against his throat, and his head is resting on Hermann's shoulder as if he doesn't have the energy to hold it up anymore.

The first though that crosses Hermann's mind as soon as he slowly regains his higher brain functions is that he came in his trousers like a school boy. They didn't even lose their shirts. God, this is so embarrassing. Newton never even touched him _there_. He'd be mortified if Newton wasn't actually in the same state. It's the only thing that makes it bearable. 

There's amusement coming over their still active drift. Hermann can literally hear Newton chuckle at his thoughts, then he reminds Hermann that they're in the middle of their lab, and that they never even locked the door. Hermann is horrified and feels a blush creep up his cheeks, but Newton just chuckles some more. The he lifts his head and and looks at Hermann, a rather stupid grin on his face. "Man, making love while wearing the squiddy is just mind-boggling! I've never even thought of that use before."

"'Squiddy'? Really?" It's the only thing Herman can think of replying, and he feels Newton's amused - no, _smug_ \- smile over the active bridge even before he sees it on his face. Newton knows he blew his mind, they're still connected after all. 

"I invented it, so I have the right to name it. 'Squiddy' it is." Newton's hands are still down the back of Hermann's trousers, and he finds that vaguely distracting.

Newton just grins, a real dirty one, and leans in until his lips are right next to Hermann's ear. "We have to repeat this without the squiddy, though, or I'll never get down to blowing you before we come."

All Hermann can do is sputter in embarrassment while Newton laughs.


	30. New Beginnings (Chuck/Raleigh)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raleigh wakes up in the med bay to find Chuck plastered all over him.

_Hong Kong Shatterdome, 16th January 2025_

 

The world comes into focus rather slowly. First comes sound, then scent and sensation, and sight is the last sense to clear. Raleigh is used to it by now, and he knows it's partly the fault of the meds he's on. It's still a feeling he doesn't like - he was always the one to snap from sleep to full alert in the fraction of the second, it was Yancy who took five minutes just to get his eyes to open. 

Raleigh takes a moment to stare at the ceiling, trying to remember where he is and what happened. He's always disoriented when he wakes, it's also something he's getting used to. There's warm light coming through the skylight, making the med bay room look bright and friendly. When Raleigh glances at the alarm clock on the bedside table, he finds that it's almost eleven in the morning. 

The heat plastered against his side comes from Chuck who has one arm thrown over Raleigh's chest and his leg pushed between Raleigh's as if he's looking for warmth. Early this morning Doc Nash came by and checked on Raleigh, then she took out the last needles still sticking in his body. Raleigh relishes in the freedom of movement it gives him. No more paying attention to tubes and needles and that Chuck doesn't get caught up in them when they're sleeping. It's obvious that Chuck already took advantage of the newly won freedom because for once he's all over Raleigh instead of carefully staying on his less injured right side.

Raleigh smiles and lifts his right hand to card his fingers through the heavily tousled ginger hair that tickles his throat. Chuck is a cuddler. A massive, devoted cuddler. Raleigh is sure it's something he doesn't want the world to know, and he's even more sure Chuck didn't even know about it himself before getting involved with Raleigh.

Raleigh found out very quickly that Chuck is a highly physical person - once he was given permission to touch, he indulged at every opportunity. It's something Raleigh noticed even before Operation Pitfall because it was a somewhat unexpected trait for the jerk that he thought was Chuck Hansen. Not that Raleigh is any better - he can't remember being very touchy-feely before, but he certainly is with Chuck. Maybe it's a side effect of them being a perfect match, Raleigh isn't quite sure, but he has this constant urge to touch Chuck. It's even stronger now after the events of Operation Pitfall. Chuck seems to feel the same, at least he doesn't bother at all to keep from touching Raleigh when others are present, not even during yesterday's meeting with all the pilots and the science geeks. He keeps it innocent, though, his fingers playing with Raleigh's hair at the nape of his neck, their thighs touching when they're sitting next to each other or his hand holding Raleigh's. It's just about somehow maintaining physical contact.

Maybe that's what brings him back to Raleigh's room every evening like clockwork. Even if he's gone for some hours during the day, Chuck always returns by 9 pm at the latest - usually with Max in tow - and spends the rest of the evening with Raleigh, talking or playing games or simply watching some stupid show on TV. He always slips under the sheets with Raleigh and cuddles up to him when he notices him drifting off to sleep, and he's a constant, calming presence against Raleigh's body and in his mind. 

Raleigh closes his eyes and turns his face until his nose is buried in Chuck's hair, then he takes a deep breath and enjoys the way Chuck's scent fills his senses. It makes him feel safe and at peace in a way he hasn't felt in a long time. Not since Yancy. Chuck reacts to his touch instinctively, giving a soft groan and cuddling even closer, his fingers closing to a fist in the fabric of Raleigh's hospital gown. Raleigh smirks and presses a kiss to the unruly hair.

It's become a bit of a tradition. The nurses or the docs come in very early in the morning to poke at Raleigh a bit and force some food down his throat. In the meantime Chuck takes Max for a walk and leaves him with Mako or Herc, then Raleigh and Chuck get back to sleep and only wake up in time for lunch. It feels a bit like they're on a lazy holiday, if it wasn't for the injuries, the side effects of their meds and the not so beautiful location - a Shatterdome's med bay room is not a five star joint, after all. Still, it's relaxing and somehow peaceful, and Raleigh feels himself recharging more and more with every day that passes. 

The docs aren't ready to let him go just yet, either. Raleigh isn't fighting too hard right now to be released, he's honest enough with himself that he's not back on his feet yet, and it's probably better to remain under the docs' watchful eyes for a bit longer. This time it's not like after Knifehead when he only desperately wanted to leave everything behind that reminded him of Yancy's death. This time Raleigh has a reason to get better as quickly as he can, he has a reason to live. It's plastered all over him right now, sound asleep and obviously comfortable.

Raleigh also appreciates the fact that no journalists have been around to grill him yet, and he knows it's Herc's doing. He's been keeping everybody in the med bay safe from the intrusive attention of the public that comes with being a world saving hero. Not that they feel like it. Every single one of them is struggling with their injuries, Cheung and Pentecost are probably the worst off. Not that you can hear a lot of complaints, but Raleigh knows that the pains and inconveniences are _there_. Chuck may not say anything either, but Raleigh feels it when his banged up body is complaining or when the circuitry burns on his right arm are giving him trouble.

Raleigh touches his finger to the white bandage on the arm that's snug around his waist, so softly that he barely feels the fabric under his fingertip. He knows where those burns on Chuck skin come from. He shouldn't even have them, Gipsy's right side was Raleigh's hemisphere. Mako told him that Chuck had caused an overload in his side of the Conn-Pod when he'd taken on a major amount of Raleigh's pain when Raiju had ripped off Gipsy's right arm. Raleigh had asked if that was even possible, and Mako admitted that she'd wondered the same thing, so she'd done some research and talked to Doc Lightcap, and it seems that this was the first time such a thing had happened. The Doc attributed it to the fact that they're a perfect match. Functioning as one entity may as well allow one partner to control the opposite hemisphere, even if only to a certain degree.

When Raleigh looks at the bandage now, knowing what is healing underneath, he can't help feeling like these scars are a testimony of Chuck's loyalty, of his sincerity, of his... _affection_. Raleigh suddenly understands what Chuck said about Raleigh's scars. That he loves them because they stand for Raleigh's fights, his courage. Raleigh can't wait for the bandage on Chuck's arm to disappear so that he can see those scars that match his, can touch them, trace them, kiss them and pay homage to the sacrifice Chuck made - for him. To protect him. 

It's a very humbling feeling. He just wishes the scars wouldn't hurt Chuck so much, that he could take on some of that pain. But that's something that only works during an active neural handshake, a ghost drift isn't strong enough for such interaction. Raleigh may feel Chuck's pain, but he can't take it on. From personal experience Raleigh knows how much burns of that degree hurt, and that Chuck will have to live with that pain for a long time before it'll ease. The new circuitry burns on his own right arm are a match to Chuck's, but they're much less severe than his. They're already turning a pinkish white, and he won't feel them much longer. Raleigh likes knowing that they have the same pattern on the same part of their body, it's a somehow very intimate link. 

His other injuries don't come from the fight but from the journey in the escape pod through the Breach and back to the surface of the ocean. Raleigh doesn't remember much after he triggered the ejection of his own escape pod. He knows what happened because he was told, but there's not even a flicker of memory. Doc Nash told him that he must have lost consciousness shortly after the explosion of Gipsy's core hit his pod, and that the shockwave stopped his heart long enough that he was considered dead. She also told him that he regained consciousness once, right after his escape pod was found, before falling into a coma for almost two days.

His memory loss and the confusion every time he wakes seem to be a side effects of the solo piloting. His brain scans after Knifehead already indicated that he'd suffered some damage from piloting Gipsy solo back to shore, but it hadn't been analysed further since he'd left the PPDC as soon as he was well enough to walk.

Caitlin Lightcap came by to visit him after the meeting yesterday morning. She asked him if he'd allow her to analyse all the data on him from Knifehead til now and maybe do a few tests with him. She'd explained that she's trying to figure out what happened to Pentecost, and since Raleigh is to only other pilot alive who ever managed to pilot solo, he's her only reference. Raleigh agreed, of course he'll do everything he can to make Pentecost get better. He owes the man big time, after all. Not to mention that now that he has a perfect match himself, he can begin to imagine what Herc must be going through right now.

Raleigh feels his stomach growl and decides that it's time to wake Chuck and get ready for lunch which is usually served around noon. So he nuzzles the ginger hair and lets his fingers caress Chuck's neck, trying to get his attention. "Morning, Charlie."

There's no reaction, not that Raleigh expected one. He's found out early on that Chuck hates getting up. That doesn't mean that he can't snap awake instantly, just that he doesn't like it and will only do it if he has to. For a Kaiju alert, for example.

This is no Kaiju alert. This is Raleigh poking him, and in Chuck's book, that obviously doesn't even qualify as a reason to wake up at all, never mind instantly. Raleigh smirks and trails his fingers along Chuck's throat and his jaw to his ear and then over his cheek to his mouth and his nose. Chuck stirs, but still doesn't open his eyes.

"Chaaaarliiiiie." Raleigh draws out the name rather excessively in hope of provoking a reaction from Chuck. "Time to wake up." 

"Five more minutes." Chuck growls and resolutely buries his face against Raleigh's throat as if trying to hide from the world. "And don't call me that."

Raleigh chuckles. This seems to be Chuck's standart reply when somebody tries to wake him. Raleigh has lost count of how many times he's heard it already. He still finds it utterly adorable.

He leans in as much as his sore body allows and touches his lips to Chuck's temple in a lingering kiss. Chuck instantly leans into the caress as if it's a reflex. Raleigh loves those instinctive reactions. He's never had such a responsive partner before. Of course he knows that part of it is caused by their perfect match bond, but that doesn't lessen the pleasure he takes in it.

"Come on, Charlie." Raleigh murmurs against his skin, the smirk obvious in his voice. "Show me those green tiger eyes."

"You're annoying, y'know that?" Chuck's voice is muffled because his face is still hidden against Raleigh's neck.

"I'm doing my best." Raleigh replies, not bothering to hide his amusement. After a second or two Chuck raises his head and sleepily blinks at Raleigh, then he gives a huge yawn and stretches to his full impressive length before he relaxes again. He wriggles a bit until he's lying along Raleigh's right side, propped up on one elbow and looking down to him.

"How're you feeling?" Chuck eyes him carefully, and Raleigh just knows that he's concentrating on the ghost drift so that he can tell if Raleigh is whitewashing things. Usually such a behaviour would annoy him, but Chuck doing it only makes him smile. He knows it's not meant to be patronising, he can feel sincere worry bleed over the ghost drift. Chuck does it because he _cares_.

"A lot better now that there are no more needles sticking in my body and I can move again without fearing that the tubes get caught in something." It's just in that moment that Raleigh remembers that Doc Lightcap will come by around one pm for some test. He doesn't know what kind of tests, but the idea of meeting somebody other than Chuck makes him realise that he hasn't had a shower since before Operation Pitfall.

Raleigh suddenly feels itchy and gross. He's only had sponge baths so far, and he craves the cleansing sensation of warm water running down his skin. He can't help wrinkling his nose. "I need a shower." 

Chuck raises an eyebrow, and there's definitely an amused note to it. "It wouldn't hurt. But are you okay to stand for so long?"

"Honestly?" Raleigh shrugs, just with the right shoulder, though, since it'll hurt like hell to do it with the left. "I have no idea. I guess I'll find out."

"I'll take that shower with you." Chuck says and Raleigh can't help giving him a leer and wiggle his eyebrows suggestively. Chuck consequently hits his uninjured right shoulder, not especially hard, though. "No, you dirty old man, not for _that_ reason. To make sure you don't break your neck. Now get your mind out of the gutter."

Raleigh just laughs. "Oh come on, I _know_ that your mind followed mine right into the gutter - and it quite likes it there."

"Maybe." Chuck admits with a shrug, then he pointedly stares at Raleigh. "But guess whose fault that is for teaching me about all the nice dirty things that can be found down there."

"Guilty as charged." Raleigh grins and has to force his mind not to go in _that_ direction, because he knows he's physically not up to following through with any such idea. His body is not ready yet - he'd probably faint due to exhaustion before they even get to the interesting bits. Which is a shame, really. There are a lot of said interesting bits he still wants to try with Chuck... 

Raleigh sighs. They'll have to wait - for now. As soon as he's back to his feet, though, he has an idea or two how to spend their time together. He feels a surge of amusement and anticipation over the ghost drift right before he hears Chuck's all too innocent voice. "I've done some... _research_ , Rals, and believe me, you're not the only one with things to try."

Raleigh sputters in something that's surprise mixed with embarrassment. He wasn't aware that his thoughts transmitted _that_ clearly, or he would have been more considerate. There's a smirk on Chuck's face that can only be called smug. 

"Come on, let's try that shower you long for." Chuck gets up and stretches again until his joints pop, and Raleigh flinches at the sound. He hates it, it makes his skin crawl. That was the very reason why Yancy had done it with relish right in front of him every single morning - it was probably the most childish thing he did, but still, he'd never passed up on the opportunity to make Raleigh squirm.

Raleigh carefully sits up and swings his legs over the edge of the bed. Chuck watches him for a moment, then he takes Raleigh's hands and pulls him up, slowly and carefully in a way that tells Raleigh that he's expecting Raleigh's legs to cave in at any given moment. It would make him laugh if he wasn't actually expecting it to happen, too. He's been in bed for over four days, after all. 

He feels better then he expected, and with Chuck's arm around his waist they make their way to the en-suite bathroom. It's one of the perks of the med bay - the bathroom is large enough for two people to move comfortably, and the shower is barrier-free and even big enough for a wheelchair. At least they don't need to worry about how to fit their rather broad frames into the shower stall together. 

Chuck turns the water on and lets it run for a moment, familiar with the cold temperature it'll have for the first minute. Raleigh usually likes cold showers, but not today. He almost feels like he's already overdoing it, but he _really_ wants that shower, and he's secure in the knowledge that Chuck is there to take over should it really be too much. Raleigh remembers that annoying condition where even the easiest task is a nearly overwhelming challenge - it's how he was left after Knifehead. Just that back then there was nobody to have his back. Now there's Chuck, his presence in Raleigh's mind a constant and welcome reminder of all the ways things are different this time.

When Raleigh turns around it's to find Chuck already stripped naked - not a very difficult task considering that he likes sleeping in just a pair of boxer briefs and maybe a t-shirt in consideration of the nurses that come in at any time of the day. His clothes lie neatly folded on the little stool in the corner, and Raleigh can't help getting an eyeful of the tempting sight he's offered.

Chuck is beautiful. 

Raleigh can't help noticing that every time anew, and it always leaves him with the urge to watch, to touch, to make Chuck feel good until he forgets his name. Now there are discoloured bruises covering almost all of his usually pale skin, most vivid on his torso, and Chuck is just finishing taking off the bandage that protects the circuitry burns on his right arm. Raleigh's eyes follows his every move until the last bit of dressing comes off and he can see the familiar pattern for the first time; dark, angry red lines tracing his entire arm, starting almost at his shoulder and ending just short of his hand. It's familiar because Raleigh has the exact same pattern on his own skin, and it's as if he feels every single line burn right now. It takes him a moment to realise that it's not just his imagination, he's actually feeling Chuck's pain over the ghost drift, triggered by taking off the bandage, and it happens to coincide with his own fresh scars.

Just then Chuck looks up, as if he picked up on either the shared sensation or Raleigh's gaze. After a moment he raises an eyebrow and looks Raleigh over with a grin.

"You know, Rals, showers are usually more comfortable without a hospital gown and boxers." The grin turns mischievous. "You'd probably get naked faster if you quit staring."

"I think I'll stare a bit longer, thank you very much." Raleigh retorts with a smirk and it earns him a chuckle from Chuck. 

"I don't mind, but the shower is waiting." Chuck throws a pointed glance at the running water. "And it would be a shame to waste all that nice warm water when we could be standing underneath it."

"I see your point." Raleigh concedes and shrugs out of the flimsy hospital gown while trying not to upset his shoulder. He still doesn't get why he has to wear that ridiculous piece of clothing if he could just as well have stolen one of Chuck's old, worn, comfy t-shirts that are tad too large on Raleigh. He's sure Chuck wouldn't have complained too much. Raleigh smirks at the thought while he takes off his underwear and quickly folds both and puts them on top of Chuck's clothes on the stool. Some habits die hard, and the neatness the Academy installed in him is one of them.

Chuck waits for Raleigh to step into the stall, then he closes the doors behind them and gently but determinedly steers Raleigh under the spray first. With a sigh of utter contentment Raleigh closes his eyes and holds his face into the stream until his hair is soaked. The water is pleasantly warm and feels so unbelievably good running down his skin that Raleigh sighs yet again, a bit louder this time. He doesn't care what he sounds like, the absolute bliss of the shower is worth getting teased for it later.

Chuck steps up behind him and lets his fingers, slicked with shampoo, card through Raleigh's wet hair. He takes his time, his movements unhurried and soothing, and Raleigh allows himself to lean into the touch and enjoy every second of it. The deft fingertips massaging his scalp send shivers of pleasure down his spine, but it's relaxing instead of arousing, a slow, comfortable sensation of contentment. God, how come he never knew how good Chuck is at this?

Chuck guides him under the spray again to rinse out the shampoo, and Raleigh follows his lead willingly. It feels so good to let somebody else take care of him for once, to hand over control and just _be_ , knowing that he's absolutely safe. It's something he never knew he lacked, _missed_ , until he found it with Chuck.

Chuck quickly washes his own short hair when he is done with Raleigh's, then he comes up behind Raleigh again and sneaks his uninjured left arm around Raleigh's waist, holding him up effortlessly while spreading shower gel all over Raleigh's body. Raleigh appreciates it, it's a big help so he doesn't drain his still recharging energy reserves all for one shower. He's already feeling the toll the activity - even if it's just standing upright - is taking on his body, the fatigue creeping up on him slowly but steadily. 

He hates feeling so exhausted all the time, it leaves him with the impression that the world is moving on around him and he doesn't even have the energy to stay awake. Chuck helps by just being with him, sleeping in every day and basically just lazing around with Raleigh, although sometimes Raleigh isn't sure how much of it is Chuck indulging Raleigh and how much is Chuck's own, profound need to recharge - not just after that final battle, but after an entire lifetime of fighting, of always being ready, of never letting go. Raleigh hasn't asked, but he suspects this is the first time off Chuck has had since joining the Academy.

Mako also eases the weariness by coming by every day when Chuck is gone - Raleigh is sure they're actually coordinating their visits, but they refuse to admit to it - and she keeps him updated about the things going on in the world, in the Shatterdome and among the other injured pilots. Sometimes they just sit an talk about nothing of importance, and Raleigh enjoys the easy yet deep friendship they share. Coming back to join Pentecost's last stand was one of the best things that ever happened to Raleigh, he understands that now.

Interestingly, it also hasn't escaped Mako's notice that Chuck is different. She nodded in confirmation when Raleigh asked if she's realised it too, and she smiled that real little smile that told Raleigh that she thinks he has changed for the better. Raleigh _knows_ it on a fundamental level because the way Chuck feels in Raleigh's mind through the ghost drift has changed. Raleigh can't help wondering if it has something to do with those things he can't remember, because the Chuck he woke up to was already different from the Chuck he piloted Gipsy with. So whatever brought on his change of mind must have happened in that specific time period that's just a black hole of nothingness in Raleigh's memories.

"I don't remember." Raleigh admits out of the blue, before he's even made the conscious decision to do so. "Nothing that happened after I triggered my escape pod."

Chuck stiffens behind him, the sudden tension in his entire body translating in his arm tightening around Raleigh's waist. They haven't spoken about Operation Pitfall at all until now. Chuck didn't seem too eager to address the matter, and Raleigh himself felt too exhausted to give it a shot. He feels like maybe now is the right moment, though. The intimacy of sharing the shower and their comfortable closeness seems to facilitate talking about an obviously unpleasant topic. Not to mention that not looking at each other while still being pysicsally and mentally close makes it easier to speak their mind.

"Tell me what happened?" Raleigh makes it a question, leaving it to Chuck to decide if he's ready to talk or not. Raleigh feels the ghost drift brimming with Chuck's emotional turmoil. It's still shielded, but Raleigh has an inkling about how strong the emotions must be if he can still pick up on it. 

Chuck swallows hard, and it takes him a moment before he replies. "After I reached the surface, after you'd made me eject... _your_ pod didn't come up. There was no communication and Tendo said there was no signal coming from it. We didn't even know if you had ejected at all."

Raleigh feels the fear and the pain Chuck experienced bleed over the ghost drift, and it gives him goosebumps. He knows Chuck isn't consciously sharing those feelings, they're just too strong for him to cover them entirely. 

"And when your pod finally did surface, it was badly damaged. I had to manually release the lid." Chuck's voice is very quiet, and Raleigh can feel his warm breath on the wet skin of his shoulder blade. "You weren't breathing."

He takes an uneasy breath and Raleigh can feel his chest shaking minutely where it's pressed against his back. "I couldn't feel you. I held you right there in my arms and there was only a big hole in my mind. You were gone."

Raleigh is overwhelmed by the bright white pain and the biting hot despair that comes over the ghost drift. It's in stark contrast to Chuck's quiet voice and his seemingly composed report. His tight grip around Raleigh's waist is the only physical evidence of his inner tension.

Doc Nash told Raleigh that he'd temporarily died, but he's never considered the ramifications. Of course Chuck would sense it. Raleigh doesn't even need to imagine what it must have done to him, he can _feel_ it over the ghost drift right now. It's terrifying, it's pure agony, and it explains so much. Why Chuck doesn't care about what others might think about them being together, why he needs even more physical contact than before, why he's not letting Raleigh out of his sight for more than a few hours. 

It leaves Raleigh shaken. He wants to apologise for what he did, even if he had no real influence on it. He never meant to hurt Chuck, especially not on such a fundamental level. He's almost swamped in regret that he made Chuck go through this, and on top of that forced him to do it alone. He'd thought that Raleigh was dead, Herc was dead, Pentecost was dead. He'd lost almost his entire family within only half an hour, and as if that wasn't bad enough already, Raleigh had left him too..

"Don't." Chuck says quietly, but his voice is firm. His grip doesn't ease, but his hands splay out on Raleigh's stomach and slowly draw a soothing pattern on his skin. His lips are touching Raleigh's shoulder and he's talking against his skin. "We'd all do it again, given a second chance, so don't apologise. My dad, Pentecost, you and me, we knew what we were getting into. That this fight was bigger than us. That we wouldn't return from that mission."

Chuck pulls him close until they're touching from head to toe, Raleigh's back pressed against Chuck's front, warm and soothing. The water is running over their skin like a gentle caress, adding another layer of comfort. Raleigh closes his eyes and melts into Chuck's arms, allows himself to be held, knowing that he's giving Chuck as much comfort by leaning into him as he himself gets by being held.

"I didn't expect any of us to survive, so don't you apologise. This - including any pain - is way better than the alternative." Chuck sounds serious, leaves no doubt that he means is, every word. He presses his lips against the skin of Raleigh's shoulder, the injured one, and Raleigh feels a wave of tension over the ghost drift that slowly eases into relief. "We made it, that's all that matters."

Raleigh turns around in Chuck's embrace without breaking it. He looks him straight in the eyes and slowly, purposefully trails his finger along one of the still raw scars on Chuck's right arm. He promptly feels the answering burn on the less severe scar on his own arm. 

"I can feel them hurt." Raleigh whispers and the slight widening of Chuck's eyes tell him that he didn't know that. "They match my scars, and I can feel your pain in my burns." 

Chuck's lips open, but he seems unable to form words. There's just a gentle gasp, and his tongue passing over his bottom lips as if his mouth is suddenly dry.

"I like your new circuitry burns." Raleigh says without ever breaking the gaze, wanting Chuck to see that he understand what Chuck told him back in Raleigh's room after their first drift, that he gets it now. "I think I might even grow to love them."

Chuck's breathing has sped up, his mouth still slightly agape. He raises his hand and suddenly his warm fingers touch the marks on Raleigh's arm in the exact same spot that Raleigh's fingertip is pressed against on his arm. "I know what you mean."

He holds Raleigh's gaze for a long moment, then he leans in and captures Raleigh's lips. He's caught by surprise for a moment, but his response is immediate, instinctive. He opens his mouth to Chuck, allows him in, pulls him close with his hand on his side. There's no air left between them, they touch almost everywhere, and Raleigh can't help groaning into the kiss in pleasure. God, he missed Chuck's touch so much, his hands on his skin, his tongue duelling with his, his hot body pressed against his. It's almost too much, like a sensory overload, but Raleigh doesn't want to stop. He feels arousal course through his veins and for one moment he's tempted to screw caution, to just take Chuck here and now, in the shower, almost reminiscent of their first time.

It's Chuck who breaks the kiss, obviously reluctantly but with clear determination, as if he knows that taking it any further will do more damage than good. Raleigh lets his forehead rest against Chuck's, the water hitting the nape of his neck and running down his back. He's breathing hard, his nerves vibrating with the potential pleasure his body won't get, and for a long while they just stand together in the shower and share their frantic breath, caught in the intensity of the moment.

Chuck pecks his lips when they've calmed down again, his hands a steady presence on Raleigh's sides. Conscious thoughts return and Raleigh feels the world intrude on their private little moment of arousal.

"Have you thought about what you want to do now that the Breach is closed?" Raleigh wonders quietly. It's another topic they haven't talked about yet.

"There are many options." Chuck replies after a second, and it surprises Raleigh that he sounds careful, even a little guarded. "We could call it the quits and try to live a normal life."

Raleigh immediately shakes his head, causing a funny feeling where his forehead is still touching Chuck's. "I could never quit knowing that there's a - and I quote Gottlieb here - 'very high probability that there are other settlements of Precursors', meaning that we have to expect another Kaiju war." 

It's just when the words are out that Raleigh realises that maybe Chuck has had enough of this war, that maybe he _wants_ to get out and find out what living actually means. It's the feeling of immense relief that he gets over their connection that immediately eases his worries, even before Chuck can say anything.

"Man, I'm so glad to hear that." Chuck huffs out a breath of relief. "I was really worried here that you maybe wanted to leave the PPDC again."

"Not again, not this time." Raleigh smirks. "Funny thing is, I thought the same thing about you."

"Nah, this is my world." Chuck shrugs and returns the smirk. "Hey, I know that it's a limited set of experience, considering that I've lived over half of my life with or in the PPDC, but it's what I want to do, where I want to be as long as I'm needed. Only if the Kaiju threat is really and absolutely gone can I think about doing something else."

"I can imagine teaching at the Academy." Raleigh has thought about it ever since yesterday morning's meeting when Herc had laid out the plans for the future of the PPDC. "Although it feels strange that _I_ would ever be a teacher. Sometimes I still feel like a student around old masters like Pentecost and your dad, never mind that I tend to oppose them."

"Tell me about it." Chuck snorts. "If we really train solo pilots for the mini-Jaegers, then they'll probably all be well over a decade older than me."

"Well, you're a seasoned Jaeger pilot because you started very very early - and stayed alive. They should feel honoured to get such an experienced teacher, never mind your age." Raleigh growls, he can't help feeling protective of Chuck from time to time. 

"It's good I have you around to point that out to them, then." Chuck has a teasing smirk on his lips, as if he's amused by Raleigh's inner cavemen coming through.

"I'll do that, no worries." Raleigh possessively tightens his arm that has found its way around Chuck's waist.

"Working as test pilots would be cool, too." Chuck grins, and for a moment he looks like a ten year old boy with a fascinating new toy. "I think if we offered, Doc Lightcap might be happy to take us on. For the new Mark series as well as for the mini-Jaegers."

"That reminds me, she's coming by at one o'clock to do some experiments with me. Trying to figure out what we can do for Pentecost." Raleigh tells Chuck, not sure if he already knows or not. "We should probably get out of the shower and eat lunch before that."

"We could ask her then." Chuck suggest while he makes Raleigh turn around again to soak him one last time and wash away any remains of soap and shampoo.

"Sure. She'll be delighted." Raleigh replies with his eyes closed against the water. He feels Chuck's hands on his sides, hesitating for a moment, then they sneak around his waist and pull him close. There's an undefined tension in the air.

"Whatever we do, let's just do it together, okay?" Raleigh says and he feels the pleasure about his words not only in Chuck's smile against his shoulder, but also over their ghost drift. The tension eases to almost nothing.

"Okay." Chuck replies, his voice quiet but pleased.

Raleigh smiles, pleased at the knowledge that he and Chuck thought the same thing. They'll be all right, no matter where they'll end up.


	31. Big Brother (Chuck/Raleigh, Chuck & Yancy)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chuck meets Yancy Becket in the most unexpected way. Especially considering that Yancy is dead.

_Hong Kong Shatterdome, 17th January 2025_

 

Chuck wakes to the feeling of fingers carding through his hair. It's accompanied by the comfortable warmth of a body that he's pressed up against, and the sound of a strong, regular heartbeat underneath his ear. He smiles and gently rubs his nose against Raleigh's throat without opening his eyes. He loves his scent, and just for the fun of it Chuck opens his lips against Raleigh's skin and lazily sucks a mark there before gently licking the bruise.

"What are you doing, _Charlie_?" Raleigh sounds amused more than annoyed, and Chuck feels his smile over the ghost drift. He's tempted to give up on telling Raleigh not to call him 'Charlie', it hasn't shown any effect so far. 

"Enjoying myself." Chuck's reply is barely more than a murmur since he's still busy licking Raleigh's throat. "And marking my territory, I guess." 

Raleigh snorts. "Yeah, I can feel that."

Chuck grins against his skin. "Must be the caveman in me."

"Then I will take that caveman now and drag him into the shower because Doc Lightcap will be here at ten to do those tests with us that she mentioned yesterday."

Chuck just grumbles in displeasure. He is way too comfortable to even contemplate getting up again. He already paid his dues this morning at six am when the nurses came to poke at Raleigh. Chuck dutifully went for a walk with Max before dropping him off with Mako who'd greeted the dog with a thorough cuddle that caused enthusiastic tail-wagging from the bulldog. That mutt loves Mako to pieces. 

Then he'd returned to the warm haven that's Raleigh's bed and cuddled up against him - boy, that guy produces some serious heat. Not that Chuck is complaining, he likes it warm. He smirks. He likes it hot, too.

"I can feel what you're thinking about, Charlie." Raleigh sounds chiding, but Chuck can tell that his heart is not in it. 

Chuck raises his head and grins at Raleigh. "Shower?"

Raleigh just snorts. He very obviously caught a few of Chuck's thoughts over the ghost drift. "You have a naughty mind, you know that?"

"I don't hear you complaining."

Raleigh returns the grin. "I don't see why I should."

"Good to know." Chuck stretches just enough to capture Raleigh's lips in a lazy kiss, slow and thorough and more an exploration than a seduction. He knows Raleigh is getting better, but he's not up for the real action yet. He just woke from coma three days ago, after all. So for now, Chuck is content to just touch, taste and feel. They'll get to the other stuff once he's sure Raleigh won't pass out on him. Because that would be a serious mood-killer.

Raleigh breaks the kiss just long enough to utter, "Shower. Meeting with the doc, remember?"

"Hmmmm." Chuck doesn't bother stopping what he's doing to answer. Instead he deepens the kiss again and enjoys how Raleigh turns into his touch immediately, as if it's a reflex, an instinct. It kind of is, and Chuck is very familiar with the feeling - he experiences it every single time Raleigh touches him. He was told it's a side effect of the perfect match connection, but he couldn't care less. It's there and it feels awesome, that's all that matters.

They do make it into the shower at some point, but they're running late, and there's barely enough time left for a quick breakfast before Doc Lightcap knocks on the door. She greets them both with a smile and comes to stand next to Raleigh's bed. Chuck is sitting on the edge, his hand casually holding Raleigh's. He doesn't much care what that looks like - she knows about them anyway. And Chuck likes her, she's sincere and intelligent and not afraid to ask uncomfortable questions. It also helps that she agreed yesterday to have them act as her test pilots once they're both back on their feet - Chuck can't wait to get to play with the new Jaegers.

"So, what's on the menu for today, doc?" Raleigh asks with a curious expression on his face. He likes her too, and Chuck gets the feeling that he appreciates the opportunity to do something other than sit in his bed all day. Something to do, something to make him feel useful.

"Dr Geiszler and I have worked on a drift experiment we want to do with you and Ranger Hansen together." She carefully looks him up and down, as if assessing his condition. "Do you feel well enough to come to my lab, Ranger Becket?"

"As long as you don't require me to run or lift weights, we should be good." Raleigh points at his bummed shoulder and smirks.

Doc Lightcap just chuckles. "No, that shouldn't be necessary."

"Then we're good to go, doc." Raleigh gets up slowly, still mindful of his injuries. He's dressed in street clothes for the meeting, he didn't want to face the tasks of the day wearing that flimsy hospital gown that the nurses still insist on. Chuck sneaked in a set of his clothes this morning after his walk with Max, once the watchful eye of said nurses was turned elsewhere. It's almost strange to see Raleigh in his usual cargo trousers and one of his typical battered jumpers. Chuck remembers what that jumper felt like on his skin and how Raleigh reacted to him wearing it and decides to steal it at the first opportunity. Just to make Raleigh's eyes darken like that again.

Raleigh is far steadier on his feet than he was yesterday, but Chuck still stays close all the way to the lab. Raleigh lets him feel through their connection that he appreciates it, same as he reassures Chuck that he's doing fine and that there's no need to worry. Chuck touches his hand to the small of Raleigh's back for a moment, the physical contact making him feel better immediately.

When they reach the lab, Newt is waiting for them with a grin. Dr Gottlieb is bent over a screen in the back of the lab, completely ignoring them. Next to him there's a rather big and improvised looking machine taking up most of the room, complete with screens and blinking lights. Right next to it stand two hospital beds, probably because they were the easiest to bring in considering that they're on wheels. 

"Hey guys!" Newt greets them with the kind of enthusiasm that Chuck has begun to associate with him. Sometimes Chuck can't help wondering if he's just like that or if he's on drugs. "Ready for some fun?"

"Depends if it's fun for you or for us." Chuck replies dryly. 

"Well, _I'll_ definitely have fun." Newt grins. 

"So what's that?" Raleigh remains standing, but he leans ever so slightly against Chuck when he points at the machine behind Newt. Chuck steps closer and makes sure to stand fast so that Raleigh can relax against him. He knows that it would be better for Raleigh to sit down, but it's up to him to decide if he wants the others to know. Chuck will support him no matter what his decision is, even if it means to just stand here and serve as a human lamppost for Raleigh to lean against.

"That?" Newt turns to look at the device as if there was anything else that Raleigh could be talking about. "Oh, that's the newest invention in drift technology. It's basically a device to create a drift, but only between two people - no other function but drifting." 

Chuck can't help it, but it sounds like that actually defeats the entire purpose of a drift, which is to combine neural strength to be able to take the strain of the load created by a Jaeger. "So there's no Jaeger, no simulation, no interface, no machine at all."

"Pretty much." Newton nods enthusiastically, as if he completely doesn't get why Chuck thinks that that idea is strange. "The concept of the drift was always based on the premise that a connection to a non-human entity - in our case, the Jaeger - is too much for one single brain to take. Well, we know that it is, with two memorable exceptions. Now, the simple removal of the Jaeger kind of takes away the base of the drift - it was never meant to just connect two humans without the load of the Jaeger shared between them."

"Each drift works in three ways." Doc Lightcap continues to explain and counts off on her fingers. "One, you have the connection between the pilots, two and three is the connection between each pilot and the machine. Imagine it as a triangle where the connections are balanced out. It's not as simple as to just take away the Jaeger because that destroys the balanced circulation of the drift. It's as if the memories of both partners of the mind meld would loop back on themselves - a bit like the audio feedback of a mic held in front of a speaker - because there's no target for them. Let's just say it wouldn't do much good for the two minds involved in the drift. We suspect that it would create a loop that we can't break from the outside without completely mixing up the memories and maybe even personality traits of both parties."

"Sounds nice." Chuck can't help remarking dryly before he frowns. "And why do simulators work, then? There's no Jaeger, after all."

"Oh yes, there is." Newt is quick to interrupt. "It may not be the actual physical machine, but the interface of the Jaeger is loaded into the system, therefore the drift is a triangle again. Pilot - Jaeger system - pilot. That's why it's strictly forbidden to use a simulator without a co-pilot. It would just as much overload the brain as attempting to pilot a real Jaeger solo. Only the one-person simulators can be used for single-pilot training because they work without an actual drift."

"And you found a way to eliminate all those problems, I guess." Raleigh pointedly glances at the machine.

"Kind of." Newt agrees and gently pets what looks like a bellows.

"Now that's encouraging." Chuck mumbles and hides a smirk when Raleigh elbows him for the comment. Newt continues without even noticing, he's so caught up in his enthusiasm. 

"One of the reasons why this device works is because it's based on the perfect match connection. Fact is that there's already a link in place between perfect matches, and once their first drift initiated the connection, we have something to work with. A perfect match doesn't need the third partner in the drift triangle to balance the drift - which is proven by the fact that both pilots become one entity during the drift with their Jaeger, which technically makes it just two partners in the drift, not three. We've gone through all readouts we have from drift sequences of perfect matches, and the pattern is always the same. They don't require the drift triangle, and that's what we're working with here." Newton explains and motions at the massive machine standing behind him. Chuck is sure he can see duct tape at more than one connection, and he tries not to worry about that. He has utter confidence in the power of duct tape, but not when it's holding together a machine that's messing with his mind. "I wouldn't recommend using this device for a drift of pilots who aren't a perfect match, though, it would probably carry some serious risks like the ones we mentioned. You know, mind mash up and all that." 

"What do you need us for?" Raleigh asks curiously. Maybe a bit warily, Chuck can see that he's eyeing the duct tape, too.

"Well, you can figure that we're not going to try this on the Marshal without doing a bit of test driving first." Newt shrugs, as if that fact should be obvious.

"So we're your guinea pigs." Raleigh seems more amused by the idea than worried. "And let me guess, you need a perfect match to test it, and we're the only one in a remotely good condition."

"That's not all." Dr Lightcap joins in. "We have a special situation with Pentecost having piloted solo - just like you. He's part of a perfect match - just like you. We want to sedate you and then have Ranger Hansen here drift with you. We need the conditions to be as similar as possible to create a comparable situation." 

"Without actually putting you in a coma." Newton says quickly, he must have seen Raleigh's raised eyebrow and Chuck's rapidly darkening gaze. 

"Are you insane? You're not going to put him under after he just woke from an _actual_ coma three days ago!" Chuck grits his teeth to keep from shouting. He can't believe they'd even suggest something like that.

"It's just a very mild sedative, Ranger Hansen." Doc Lightcap is quick to reassure him. "It's neither dangerous nor strong enough to last for more than two hours."

"I don't care! You're not risking his health for an experiment!" Chuck is aware that his voice has risen, but he's in no condition to care. He's so angry that he feels his entire body quiver with suppressed tension. It's the sudden touch of a warm hand around his wrist that keeps him from actually exploding into the doc's face.

"Chuck." Raleigh's voice is quiet, but there's a serious note to it that immediately catches his attention. Chuck looks at him and in his mind there are images, situations of Pentecost taking great influence on Raleigh's life. Bringing him back to the Jaeger programme, meeting Mako, making him Chuck's co-pilot. "I owe him."

"This is not dangerous for him, Ranger Hansen." Doc Lightcap catches Chuck's gaze and holds it. She's sincere, and Chuck trusts her not to screw him or Raleigh over. But there's still that knot in his stomach, the painful reminder of what it was like to watch Raleigh's unmoving face, completely helpless, unable to do anything other than wait for him to wake up. Never knowing if he actually would. 

Doc Lightcap touches his arm and pulls him out of the memory. "You'll be right there with him. It's still a drift."

Chuck takes a deep breath to calm himself. It takes two or three, but then he's at a point where he can speak without the risk of shouting. Raleigh's hand is still wrapped around his wrist, helping him to focus. "Have you ever actually tested that thing on anybody or are we the canon fodder?"

"Oh no, we have tested it." Newton chimes in and Chuck sees him grin. There's definitely an ambiguous edge to it. "It works quite... _fantastically_."

Chuck hears a sputter from the other side of the lab and realises that it comes from Dr. Gottlieb, who seems to be very interested in something on the computer and does his best to keep his back turned towards them. Chuck is sure he doesn't ever want to know what that's about.

"Really, Ranger Hansen, we wouldn't propose this to the two of you if we thought it dangerous." Doc Lightcap looks earnest, and Chuck fights the urge to snort.

"Mind mash-up?" Chuck remarks instead and raises an eyebrow. Sounds a little dangerous to him.

"Oh, there's no risk of that for a perfect match." Newt replies, and there's so much certainty in his words that Chuck believes him despite himself. "Technically, the minds of perfect matches are already mixed up. It's why they become on entity during a drift and why their ghost drift never fades, no matter time and distance."

Chuck wants to reply something, but he's massively distracted by the images and sensations Raleigh is sending him over their ghost drift. There's naked skin, heat and passion, there's Raleigh's taste and the feeling of being buried inside him. Chuck almost gasps under the sudden onslaught, and it takes all of his deeply ingrained discipline to keep from making any noises. He can't help closing his eyes for a second or two, though, before he regains enough control over his body's instinctive reactions to glare at Raleigh.

"Not a bad thing, that mind mash-up, now, is it?" Raleigh asks very quietly, and there's a smug smirk on his face. 

"All right, all right." Chuck grumbles. He's still reeling from all the sensations he just experienced, and he's well aware that Raleigh did this on purpose. Still, he knows Raleigh wants to do this, to help Pentecost because he feels like it's something he has to do. And he can only do it _with_ Chuck, he can't do it alone. 

"Let's do this." Chuck doesn't bother hiding the fact that he's still not happy with what they're going to do. Just because he agrees to help, doesn't mean that he has to like it.

"All right, gentlemen." Doc Lightcap gives both of them a reassuring smile and gestures at the two hospital beds. "Just lie down. We're going to keep track of your brain activity with little sensors, nothing you'll even notice."

Chuck sits on one of the beds and watches the doc attach two little sensors to Raleigh's temples, then she comes over and does the same to him. She returns to Raleigh with a syringe that she loads with a clear fluid. Chuck feels his stomach churn again.

"Just lie back and relax." Doc Lightcap says and waits for Raleigh to get comfortable on the bed. "We're going to give you the sedative first, you need to be asleep before we can start the test."

"All right, go put me under, doc." Raleigh shifts a bit back and forth, then he holds out his arm. Chuck can't help the queasy feeling in his stomach getting worse. He still doesn't like this at all. "I expect nice dreams, I hope you arranged for those."

She smirks, injecting the sedative with professional and sure movements. "I put out the order for them."

"Great. I can't wait to see what kind of good dreams you ordered for me, Doc." Raleigh's speech is somewhat slow, and his eyes begin to flutter close again and again. He looks at Chuck and smiles, his features soft with the calming effect of the sedative, his eyes warm. "See you in the drift, Charlie."

Then his eyelids close and his breathing evens out into the soft, regular rhythm of sleep. Chuck watches him carefully and has to fight the urge to reach out and close his hand around Raleigh's wrist, to feel his pulse and make sure he's okay.

"You can touch him, Ranger Hansen." Doc Lightcap says quietly next to him. "I'm sure he'd appreciate the contact. Most perfect matches have a much higher need for physical contact than the average couple."

Chuck turns to look at her, not quite sure what he's expecting and a sharp defence already on the tip of his tongue, but it dies the moment he sees the sincere and almost gentle understanding in her eyes. She's not mocking him, she's not lecturing him, she's just letting him know that she understands. Chuck swallows the knee-jerk reaction to defend himself and just nods before he reaches out and does wrap his hand around Raleigh's wrist. There it is, his pulse, steady and strong, and Chuck feels himself calm down immediately.

"Now let's get to the interesting part." Newt comes over, carrying two... well, Chuck is not sure what they are, but they look like metal octopuses with red stripes. He's not sure either what he's supposed to do with those things, but luckily Newt isn't done with his explanation yet.

"These are the new squid caps, I call them 'squiddys' " - Chuck can't help snorting at that - "one of which goes on your and one on Becket's head. We'll activate them remotely, and once they're running, we can establish the neural handshake just like LOCCENT usually does." 

"We're not going to terminate the drift before you tell us to, Ranger Hansen." Doc Lightcap goes on. "Since we don't know exactly what is going to happen during a drift with an unconscious partner, we won't take the risk of causing any damage. You'll decide, since you're the one who's linked with Ranger Becket. All right?"

Chuck nods. He's actually relieved to hear that, it gives him the feeling that he can somehow keep Raleigh safe. He knows it's not necessarily true, but he decides to ignore that for now.

"Then lie back and relax." Newt says and Chuck gets comfortable on the bed. Then he waits for Newt to finish whatever he's doing to put that squid thing on him and watches him adjust the second one on Raleigh's head. He presses some button and then the red stripes begin glowing and a low buzz comes from the device. Newt presses the same button on Chuck's squid cap and there's a soft, not exactly unpleasant feeling surrounding his head. A bit like being touched by a feather that's passed over his skin and hair. Weird, but neither bad nor alarming.

"Okay, we're ready." Doc Lightcap announces after typing something in one of the machine's terminals.

"Ready to engage neural handshake?" Newt sounds excited, something Chuck isn't used to hear when asked that specific question. The LOCCENT communication rarely gets emotional.

"Ready." Chuck's reply is more instinct than conscious thought. He's been in this - well, sort of this - situation so many times. He almost feels as if he's in a Conn-Pod - if it weren't for the comfy bed and the lack of the drive suit and the decidedly different view.

"Initiating neural handshake in five - four - three - two..."

Chuck listens only halfway to Newt's voice, he's following his usual pre-drift ritual - clearing his mind, synchronising his breathing with his drift partner, closing his eyes and opening his mind. 

"One."

There's the flash that he's used to, not light but emotions, memories, thoughts. It's softer somehow, as if it's not as intense as it usually is. It's the first time Chuck ever drifted while his partner is asleep, and he wonders if it's the lack of consciousness that makes everything feel so muffled. It only lasts the fraction of a second, then the surroundings clear, and he's somewhat surprised that he's obviously not in the lab - it seems that he entered Raleigh's dream instead of staying in reality. Chuck wonders if maybe the sleeping drift partner is the more dominant part in the drift, since he can't wake up as long as the body is caught in unconsciousness. It's definitely going to be an interesting experience. 

Chuck looks around, sees PPDC personnel milling around in a massive Jaeger bay among the huge shapes of three Jaegers. Chrome Brutus, Brawler Yukon and Gipsy Danger, Chuck thinks immediately. He spent enough time studying Jaegers to recognise them without having to make an effort. But Gipsy looks different, and it takes him only a second to realise that this is her original appearance, _before_ Mako revamped her.

Oh.

Chuck hasn't spent much time in the Icebox - he was on Kodiak Island much longer than in the Anchorage Shatterdome - but he recognises it immediately. After taking a moment to orientate himself, he finds out where Raleigh's quarters are and makes his way over there. He can't help wondering that his security clearance works in a Shatterdome where he was never stationed, not to mention that people treat him like they know him. Chuck shakes off the weird feeling and keeps heading for Raleigh's quarters. He's sure that whatever is going on in this drift-dream, finding Raleigh is a good idea. It's his dream, after all. 

When he arrives at the door that has the number of Raleigh's quarters painted next to it along with Gipsy's logo, he knocks and waits rather impatiently for a response. It doesn't take long and the heavy metal is pulled open and a man with blond hair is eyeing him. He's wearing a PPDC uniform, but he's definitely _not_ Raleigh.

"There you are." The guy greets him as if he's been waiting for Chuck for ages. Chuck can't help staring at the familiar face of Yancy Becket - he looks just as Chuck remembers him from the magazines and posters of his youth. Just maybe a bit more impressive, because he's broader than Chuck imagined when he was a kid.

"Wow, this is weird." Chuck mutters under his breath. He's still staring, and he knows it. But hey, seeing _Yancy Becket_ , Raleigh's big brother and one of the heroes of his childhood, standing right in front of him is a good reason to stare. Especially if said hero has been dead for five years.

"So you're Raleigh's guy." Only now does Chuck realise that Yancy is staring at him in return, but not in stunned awe. It feels more like scrutiny. From a dead guy in a drift-dream. He can't help wondering what that says about his subconsciousness. Well, at least it's Raleigh dream and not his.

"Where is he, anyway?" It's the first thing Chuck can think to ask, although it's not the most intelligent question given the circumstances.

"When I felt you enter the drift, I sent him out for a run. I wanted to catch you alone." Yancy steps aside and opens the door fully. "So, why don't you come in?"

Chuck feels a shiver run down his spine and frowns. What Yancy just said is totally wrong for a dreamed-up person. "When you felt me enter... _What?_ " 

"To answer your unspoken question: No, I'm not a figment of your or Raleigh's imagination." Yancy smirks at Chuck, he's quite obviously enjoying tormenting him. 

"Nice to know I'm not _that_ crazy." Chuck mumbles, more to himself than the older Becket brother. 

Yancy just chuckles. "I guess you're familiar with the concept of drifting. Once you drifted with somebody, a part of them will always live on inside your mind, in your shared memories. Rals and I were connected until my death, we never properly disengaged. Which is why I can stand here with you now and talk. Still, it would be much more comfortable inside our quarters than standing out here in the hallway."

Chuck can't help it, he's _still_ staring. He's aware he's standing on the doorstep and that he's being rather impolite, but he can't find it in him to care. "You _know_ this is a drift."

Yancy rolls his eyes, as if he thinks this is a spectacularly retarded question to ask after what he just explained. "Of course. I know everything Raleigh knows."

Chuck can't hold back a low whistle. "Man, this is so weird. You're _dead_."

Yancy just raises an eyebrow. "You don't mince your words, do you?"

Chuck feels a burn on his cheeks, but he's not going to apologise for stating a fact. Instead he raises his chin almost like a challenge. "Well, it's true, after all."

"Technically it is, yes." Yancy steps aside and makes a gesture that seems more like an order than an invitation. "Now get your ass in here, kid, so we can close the door."

For a moment Chuck wants to stay where he is just out of spite for that order, but he can see that it'll be better to continue this encounter behind closed doors. On top of that, he doesn't want to give Yancy the satisfaction to call him childish, because that's what it would be.

Chuck enters the quarters and looks around. His gaze falls on the pictures taped to almost every vertical surface - people, places, buildings, landscapes, objects, in colour as well as black and white. There's Yancy and Raleigh at various ages, there's a young girl, there's a middle aged couple that have to be their parents. "Raleigh's never mentioned you hanging around."

"Because he doesn't know." The distinctive sound of the heavy metal door closing is the same all over the world, Chuck can't help thinking. He doesn't turn around to Yancy, instead he keeps inspecting the pictures. There are so many of them. "I can't manifest when he's awake. The rest of the time, he thinks it's just vivid dreams." 

Chuck stops staring at a picture of teenage Raleigh hanging upside down from a tree branch and turns around at last to face Yancy. "So you're here talking to me like you're still alive because Raleigh was out like light when we engaged in the drift?"

"Pretty much." Yancy is leaning casually against the door. He's quite obviously been observing Chuck wandering through the room. It makes Chuck's skin prickle unpleasantly. He doesn't like feeling like an insect under the microscope. "I spent some time with Rals when he was in coma, but he doesn't remember. Which is probably good, it took him long enough to find his way back to life."

Chuck raises an eyebrow, and maybe it's a bit in order to challenge Yancy. "You're aware he's going to know now. Even if I didn't tell him, he'll see my memories of this the next time we drift."

Yancy just shrugs. "I advise you to tell him before he sees it in the drift. He'll take it badly if you don't."

That answer makes Yancy rise a few notches in Chuck's esteem. He obviously knows Raleigh very well, and he's all for doing what's best for him. Because Chuck agrees, Raleigh would take it very, very badly if Chuck kept this from him. Everything concerning Yancy is a huge sore spot for him, and something as major as Chuck talking to his dead-but-alive brother definitely ranges among the things he'd want to know about. "So what, you're dead but you're not?"

Yancy shrugs. "Something like that." 

"What, you're undead?" Chuck asks with a grin, he just can't help himself. "You're not a zombie, are you?"

Yancy rolls his eyes, but he's smirking. "Let's say there's a consciousness without a body."

"So your _body_ is dead, but your mind is stored somewhere in Raleigh's brain without you being able to communicate with him or anybody else. Oh, and without him knowing about it." Chuck summarises. "What does that make Raleigh, then? Schizophrenic?"

The look Yancy gives him makes it clear how stupid he thinks this question to be. "No, he's not schizophrenic. I'm still me and he's still him just like before Knifehead, and we're most certainly not a split personality. Come on, just because you drifted with your dad and he was in your head, doesn't make him part of _your_ personality." 

Chuck shudders. "Yeah, that'd be seriously weird."

Yancy sighs pointedly. "Really, if I didn't know how you are when you're with Raleigh, I'd be seriously pressed to wonder what he sees in you." 

Chuck gets an uneasy feeling. "Wait, 'if you didn't know how I'm with Raleigh?' What the heck does that mean?"

"I told you, I see what he sees, I know what he knows. I just can't communicate." Yancy gives him a pointed gaze.

Chuck swallows hard. Oh oh. "Do you mean you're there _all the time_?"

"If you're talking about the decontamination showers..." Yancy looks entirely too innocent. The prick is enjoying this, Chuck realises. It only makes his cheeks burn even hotter.

"Stop, don't say it. That's answer enough." Chuck kind of wants the ground to open up and swallow him. There are very few things that embarrass him to that point, but knowing that his partner's dead brother was _watching them_ when they had sex in the showers does the trick. Chuck groans as if in physical pain and hides his face in his hands.

"Don't worry, I zoned out when I realised where it was going." Chuck hears Yancy say, and he still sounds amused, but also a tad nicer than before.

Chuck peeks out between his fingers but doesn't lift his head. "Zoned out?"

"Yeah, well, I can decide not to follow Raleigh's adventures." Yancy shrugs. "It seemed like a good time to actually make myself sparse."

"Yeah, it definitely was." It takes Chuck a few moments before he's able to lift his head and look at Yancy. Chuck clears his throat, he knows his cheeks are still bright red. "Thanks, mate. I guess."

"Let's be honest, I didn't do it for you, but for my baby brother." Yancy replies with almost brutal honesty, but he makes a point to smile to take the sting out of the words. "If I were in his position I wouldn't want my brother watching me have sex, either."

"Yeah, it's kind of awkward." Chuck falls silent, he really has no idea how to continue that conversation. He'd rather like to change the topic, actually. He's not comfortable discussing his and Raleigh's sex life with Yancy. It's none of his business, never mind that he's stuck in Raleigh's brain.

Appropriately enough it's Raleigh who unknowingly saves him. Because after only a few seconds of awkward silence the metal door is shoved open and Raleigh bounces in wearing shorts and a t-shirt, his face red and sweaty. He's grinning from ear to ear, obviously still high from running. He's younger than Chuck remembers ever meeting him, somehow cockier and wilder and more careless and yet endearingly innocent. He's the Raleigh from the posters in Chuck's childhood room, and he's absolutely gorgeous.

"Hey Charlie!" If possible, Raleigh's face lights up even more when he sees Chuck. He doesn't seem to notice Chuck's surprise, he just steps up to him to press a quick peck on his lips. For a moment Chuck is too distracted to give it any thought - Rals just smells too good - but then he's next to his bunk, stepping out of his running shoes and stripping off his t-shirt. The distance clears Chuck's mind enough for him to notice a few things, although he can't quite take his eyes off Raleigh's very nice bare torso. There are no circuitry burns anywhere on his skin.

Okay, so the timeline is definitely screwed up in this drift-dream. Because although Chuck doesn't know exactly what year it is, he knows that it's before Knifehead, and at that time Raleigh didn't even know Chuck. Not to mention that Chuck would have been a teenager and definitely not old enough to be in a relationship with Raleigh that's obviously not entirely new, considering how he treats Chuck. One quick look in the mirror over the sink convinces Chuck that he still looks like his normal 21-year-old self and not an awkward teenager. 

"I'll take a shower. Want to head for breakfast together afterwards?" Raleigh asks over his shoulder right before he disappears into the en-suite bathroom.

"Sure." It's all Chuck manages to say, he's still stunned. The door to the bathroom closes before he has recovered. This clearly isn't _his_ Raleigh, and yet it somehow is. It's only now that Chuck realises how much Knifehead changed him, how big the impact was, not only on his life but also on his personality.

"He's so different now." Chuck mumbles, staring at the Gipsy Danger logo on the door.

"That's what he was like when I was still alive." Yancy is also staring at the bathroom door. "Sometimes I can't help wondering what would have become of him if Knifehead had never happened. Or if we had defeated him before shit hit the fan."

Chuck doesn't have an answer. He's wondering that too, and his mind is spinning. 

"I'm not sure it would have been good." Yancy adds after a moment of heavy silence. The only sound is the dulled noise of the shower running. "Raleigh was cocky, overconfident, even arrogant. Heck, we all were. We thought we were indestructible. Being a famous Jaeger pilot, adored and glorified, one victory after another. Of course we were overconfident."

For a moment Yancy is quiet. "It couldn't last. Maybe Raleigh needed the shock to become who he is today. I have to admit that I like that more mature version of him better."

"I love that version." The words are out before Chuck even thinks them. He freezes on the spot when he realises what he just said, and when he slowly turns to Yancy, there's a big grin on the older Becket's face. It looks vaguely smug.

"Your brain-mouth filter doesn't work very well, you're aware of that, right?" Yancy points out, still grinning, and Chuck just rolls his eyes. He's not going to take back his words, not matter that he hadn't intended to actually say them. 

"You should tell him too, you know. Not in a drift, but with actual words." Yancy comes over to where Chuck is standing and catches his gaze. "Words are still very powerful, even if you share a mind. Some things you just want to hear out loud, for real."

"You're a big romantic, I see." Chuck gives the words a teasing note and smirks at Yancy. He's not willing to say anything else on the matter, he's certainly not going to talk with Yancy about... well, this. Feelings. Relationships. All that stuff. It's between him and Raleigh, and it's nobody else's business, even if Yancy is a somewhat unintentional witness to the whole thing.

"I have my moments." Yancy replies, but thankfully doesn't say anything else. Chuck feels a bit restless, he doesn't like the way Yancy is kind of grilling him without actually making it obvious. He doesn't like how this whole really strange situation made him admit things he hadn't even dared to think in the quiet of his own mind, and he's not ready to deal with all of that right now. A bit of distance to the source of that discomfort - a certain older Becket brother, that is - may be good, so Chuck walks the few steps to Raleigh's bunk and sits down. Yancy's gaze traces his movements, and it makes Chuck uneasy. Time to move the focus away from him and Raleigh's relationship.

"So, Rals." Chuck points at the bathroom door where the shower has stopped running. "He doesn't know this is a drift, does he?"

"No, he doesn't. For him, this is a dream. He's sleeping, he's not in control of what is happening in the drift." Yancy's mouth presses into a tight line for a moment. "It's pretty much the same thing as back when he was in coma. I could actually talk to him, but once he woke, it all was nothing but a dream that quickly faded from his memory."

"So you leave it to me to break it to him that you're still kind of alive, oh, and hey, Raleigh, you can't communicate with Yancy because he only comes out when you're unconscious. How unfortunate." Chuck can't help the sarcastic tone in his voice. He's so not looking forward to that conversation with Raleigh. "Thank you very much, mate. He'll feel like shit, you know that."

"You have no idea." Yancy's voice is so resigned that Chuck's head jerks around to look at him. He only gets a peek of his face, too fast to read his expression, and then Chuck's mind is flooded with images and emotions all of the sudden. He's in the med bay of the Icebox, bound to the bed. He can barely move, there's so much pain. Physical pain from the injuries Raleigh sustained during the fight with Knifehead, and emotional pain, no, _agony_ over the loss of Yancy. On the outside he's all quiet, as if he has lost the connection to the world, as if he shut down all but physically. He tries not to feel anymore. Everything is bleak, the world has lost its colours, the food has no taste, there's no warmth no matter how much they heat the room. The smiles of the nurses and doctors don't touch him, nothing does. Everything is swallowed by the utter nothingness that's the silence in his mind, the absence of Yancy.

It drives him crazy, he wants to scream until his lungs are raw, but he finds that there's no sound left in him. He feels so lost, so helpless, so guilty. He needs to get it out, all these feelings are choking him, but he can't move, can't open his mouth. He's a prisoner in his own body, in the silence of his mind. He only wants for it to end. 

No matter which way.

It leaves Chuck breathless, as if somebody punched him in the stomach really hard. He knows it's not his memory and not Yancy's, it's Raleigh's, and Yancy is sharing it with him, because this still is a drift, after all, and it's clear that it's Yancy who's in control of it. Chuck is glad that he's already sitting, he's sure he would have tumbled otherwise.

"I was there. All the time I was there and yet I couldn't let him know." Yancy's voice is carefully blank, but Chuck still hears the helplessness and the frustration underneath the calm veneer. He's too good at wearing that specific mask himself to not see through it when somebody else does. "He didn't hear me. I saw him lose his will to live and I couldn't do a thing. When he left the PPDC, there was almost nothing left of my cocky baby brother."

Yancy stops and his lips press into a thin line. "In those five years until the Marshal came to get him, Raleigh existed, but he didn't really live. He was nothing but a shell, there was no life in him. It only changed when he came to Hong Kong, when he met Mako and got back in the fight. When he met _you_." 

Yancy turns to him, his gaze hard in a way that makes Chuck's skin crawl. "So if you ever hurt him, if you ever make him reach his breaking point, you better believe me that I will find a way to destroy you."

Chuck feels an icy shiver run down his spine. He knows Yancy means it and that he will follow through with it, no matter how adverse conditions may be. Chuck can't help wondering briefly if getting punched in a drift-dream is going to leave him with bruises in reality. He's not keen on finding out, especially because he thinks he'd deserve it if he really ever hurt Raleigh that badly. He's not sure that he'd actually fight back against Yancy in that case.

Wow, imagine that. He's ready to allow the dead brother to beat him up if he deserves it. He's in deep, that's for sure. 

"Okay." Chuck nods after a moment, holding Yancy's gaze to let him know that he gets it. That he agrees, actually. He's not willing to say it aloud, but he knows that Yancy understands when the older Becket brother returns the nod.

"Good." Yancy holds his gaze for a moment longer, then the tension is broken when he suddenly smirks. "Now get back to your reality and tell those curious scientists all they want to know. They'll have a field day with this new information."

Before Chuck can protest, there's the flash again and just like that he's back in the Hong Kong Shatterdome. He instinctively takes a deep breath, and the familiar scent of the machinery helps him to find his way out of the drift and back into reality. Okay, so it's sure now that Yancy was the one who controlled the drift-dream. At least to a certain degree.

"Ranger Hansen? Are you okay?" The sound of her voice makes Chuck turn his head towards Doc Lightcap who's sitting on a swivel chair next to the bed, looking at him with a small frown on her face.

Chuck nods, it takes him a moment to find his voice. "Yeah. I'm good."

Doc Lightcap watches him attentively. She knows something is up. "Are you ready to disengage the drift?"

Chuck nods again. He's still stunned, and he can feel goosebumps on his skin when he thinks about what just happened. There's the familiar rush he always feels when a drift is disengaged, and a few seconds later the temporary emptiness in his mind is filled with the steady ghost drift. He feels Raleigh much fainter than during the active neural handshake, but he's still there. It's enough to calm him.

"You're a bit pale, man." Newton comes to stand next to him and looks him up and down while taking the squid cap off Chuck. "Sure you're okay?"

"It's not me." Chuck glances at Raleigh. He's fast asleep, his face relaxed and peaceful, never mind the sensors on his temples. He's not even bothered by Doc Lightcap removing his squid cap. "How is he?"

"He's sleeping and according to the scans he's very relaxed. It's been like that the entire time. No ups or downs." Newt replies and motions at one of the screens on the desk next to him. "He will wake up in about an hour. You've only been gone for about forty minutes."

" _Your_ readings on the other hand, Ranger Hansen, were a bit more interesting." Doc Lightcap says while pointing to a second screen. Even Chuck can see the massive changes in the readouts throughout the drift. That would be Yancy, then. 

"Call me Chuck, okay? You make me feel like I'm my dad." Chuck smirks and then points at the screen. "Let me guess, the first one of those spikes came pretty soon after I went in."

"Yes. Would you mind telling us what caused it, Chuck? Do you have any idea?" Doc Lightcap has a tablet ready to take notes, and she looks very interested. Almost curious. It makes her look even more approachable and likeable.

"Oh, I have a pretty precise idea _who_ caused those spikes." Chuck retorts with a snort.

" _'Who'_?" Newton frowns. "But Raleigh was quiet the entire time."

"Well, it wasn't him."

Now Newt just looks confused. "You've lost me here, man."

Chuck allows the silence to stretch for a moment, because what he's going to drop on them now deserves a bit of pomp. "It was Yancy."

" _What?!_ " Newton's voice rises about an octave in surprise. Even Dr Gottlieb, who's still on the other side of the lab, looks up.

"What do you mean, Chuck? How can it be Yancy? He's-" Doc Lightcap is more controlled, but definitely not less surprised or confused. Chuck interrupts her before she can finish her sentence.

"- dead, yeah, I know. That's among the first things I said to him, actually." Chuck grins, because in hindsight it's as much funny as it's outright rude. Well, he was never known for his sense of tact. If Yancy has really been there all the time watching them, he should have expected as much. 

"Oooookayyy." Newt draws out the word in surprised scepticism. One look at his face tells Chuck that he's not believing a word of it, while Doc Lightcap has an concentrated expression on hers. She's obviously already going over everything she knows about the drift, trying to guess if what Chuck is telling them is actually possible.

"Can you explain that a bit more, Chuck?" she asks and looks at him intently. She's sceptic as well, but more than that she's curious.

"I can tell you what he told me, if that helps." Chuck offers with a shrug. He doesn't care if they believe him or not because he _knows_ that Yancy was real. He controlled the drift, that's what convinced Chuck - even if he'd had any doubts left after that drift. But Yancy was pretty convincing on his own, he has to admit.

"I'm sure it'll help." Doc Lightcap types something on her tablet. "Do you mind me recording this? I want to be sure I get all the details right. This could be ground-breaking new information. It's too important to get lost in translation."

"Sure, go ahead." Chuck waits for her to set up the recording, then he repeats what Yancy told him. He also adds his own observations, like the fact that Yancy seemed to control the drift and that Raleigh wasn't aware he was in a drift-dream while Yancy was. Doc Lightcap listens attentively and only interrupts when she has a question about a detail here or there. Newton remains surprisingly quiet throughout the interview, as if he's still making up his mind about whether he believes what Chuck is saying or not. Dr Gottlieb is standing somewhere behind him and also listens with great interest.

"Well, this is intriguing." There's an expression on Doc Lightcap's face that Chuck has seen on the engineers of Striker's J-Tech crew a million times. It means that they're playing out scenarios in their mind, fitting the pieces together and considering each possible angle, and even some impossible ones. 

"I'll leave it to you to make sense of it all." Chuck says once he's done and there are no further questions. A quick look on the clock on the wall tells him that Raleigh will wake up within the next twenty minutes, and he wants to be there when he does.

"This is an entirely unresearched aspect of the neural handshake." Doc Lightcap mumbles after a few moments of silence, more to herself than anyone in particular. "Unexpected, but not improbable." 

"I have an idea!" Newton bounces off his chair and makes his way past Dr Gottlieb to one of the screens of his machine. He's muttering under his breath while typing, but Chuck can't make out a word and doesn't actually care much. 

He glances at the bed next to the machine where Raleigh is still sleeping peacefully. "Is Raleigh supposed to stay here until the sedative wears off?"

"Oh no. There's a quiet room next to the lab where he can sleep as long as he needs. It'll be much more comfortable than here in the lab." She glances at Newt who's now animatedly talking to Dr Gottlieb, his voice agitated. "It's going to become loud in here pretty quickly."

Chuck snorts. "I bet."

"We want to go over the data, and we need to implement the new information you gave us." Doc Lightcap smiles almost sheepishly. "You've given us something very interesting to work with, Chuck. We're all a bit excited."

Chuck smirks. "Don't let me hold you back. I'll stay with Raleigh until he wakes."

"I expected that." Doc Lightcap gives him a little smile that's almost teasing. Chuck is surprised that it doesn't bother him. Maybe it's because he likes her. "You can help me get the bed next door, then we'll leave the two of you alone. If you want to, you can come by once Ranger Becket feels better. Maybe we'll already have something to tell you."

"I want to tell him first. You know, about Yancy." Chuck gestures at Raleigh. "I'm not sure how he's going to take it. He might not want to talk to anybody afterwards."

"Don't worry, Chuck. Just come by whenever the time is right. We'll be here." There's something so sincere about her that Chuck believes her immediately. He gives her a quick smile, then he helps her roll the bed out of the lab and into the next room. It's a typical Shatterdome room, with an skylight and bare concrete walls, but there's also a comfortable looking couch and a table with a few chairs. It obviously serves as a break room as well as a meeting room, and Doc Lightcap is right, it's quiet contrary to the lab. They push the bed next to the chairs, Raleigh's still out like a light and doesn't move once during the whole procedure. 

Doc Lightcap makes to leave, but she stops at the door. "Thank you very much for agreeing to our experiment, Chuck. You two have helped a lot."

"You're welcome, Doc." Once he has said the words, Chuck finds that he means them. He's still not quite comfortable with what they did to Raleigh in order to make this experiment work, but he can't deny that it yielded some interesting results. Although he doesn't look forward to telling Raleigh about those.

When Doc Lightcap has left and closed the door behind her, Chuck stands in the room for a moment, lost as for what to do. His gaze falls on Raleigh's sleeping form, and he reaches out to take his hand as if it's a reflex. It kind of is. He doesn't like going for long periods of time without physical contact to Raleigh. Pathetic, really. 

Not that he cares as long as he can touch Raleigh.

Chuck sits down on the table and puts his feet on one of the chairs. It's a comfortable height to hold Raleigh's hand without having to stretch. He's worried about telling Raleigh about Yancy because he has an inkling that Raleigh won't take it too well. He's not sure how he himself would take it if, for example, Raleigh told him that Chuck's mom was still alive, just somehow stuck in his mind and not able to communicate with him, while she could talk to Raleigh. So yeah, he wouldn't take that too well, either. He'd probably be pissed and feel betrayed beyond belief.

Chuck sighs heavily and rests his chin on his and Raleigh's entwined hands. How the heck is he supposed to do this? It's not like he's particularly good at dealing with feelings - neither others nor his own. His screwed-up relationships with his Dad and Mako are the best evidence of that. He really doesn't want to get to that point with Raleigh.

Right now, Chuck really wants to kick Yancy in the arse for leaving him with this thankless task. Couldn't the jerk have dealt with this himself instead of dumping it on Chuck? The guy had five years, one would think that's enough time to find a way to communicate with his brother, considering that he's stuck in his brain. This whole thing with Yancy being alive - well, kind of alive - doesn't even have anything to do with Chuck, but he'll still be the one suffering the consequences. Kill the messenger for the bad news and all that.

Prick. 

Chuck looks at Raleigh when he feels him slowly waking up. The ghost drift fills with impressions and sluggish thoughts, and Chuck watches Raleigh's eyes flicker beneath his closed eyelids. The dread in Chuck stomach grows to an uncomfortable lump. The time for the truth is approaching fast. It only takes a few minutes, then Raleigh's eyes blink open once, twice, before focussing on Chuck.

"Morning, Charlie." Raleigh says with a teasing smirk, and although his eyes aren't entirely awake yet, they're warm with affection. It reminds Chuck of the Raleigh of the drift, the young and wild one whose face lit up when he saw Chuck . "Did we do it? Did we drift? Because I don't remember a thing, it was just like sleeping."

"Yep, we did." Chuck replies shortly, amazed that his voice doesn't give away his unease.

"Did anything interesting happen?" Raleigh rubs his eyes and halfway suppresses a yawn.

Chuck snorts. "You could say that."

Raleigh stretches luxuriously, looking a lot like a cat, then he sits up in the hospital bed. "Tell me after we had some coffee, okay? Because I'm still dead tired and if I don't get some coffee, I might fall asleep on you before you can actually say anything."

"Sure. Let's get some coffee." Chuck smiles, but it's nervous. He'd rather get it done right away instead of having to wait another half hour. He's also not going to have this conversation in the busy mess hall where the coffee machines are situated, so he decides to arrange it so that they'll go to Raleigh's room in the med bay afterwards. Still, he wants Raleigh awake and at full alert when dropping something as major as the news that his dead brother is actually still somewhat alive, so coffee it is.

Raleigh is reasonably stable when he gets off the bed and on his own two feet, but again Chuck sticks close to him all the way to the mess hall. Once they get there, Chuck gets them a thermos jug with coffee and grabs two mugs along with some milk and sugar off the counter before he resolutely orders Raleigh back to the med bay. He's glad he can use Raleigh's still not healed condition as a reason to not stay in the mess hall, because he really really _really_ doesn't want to risk Raleigh asking about the events of the drift while they're in public. It's bad enough as it is, no need to add that many witnesses. 

When they get back to Raleigh's room, Chuck sets his spoils down and gets busy making them each a cup of coffee. It's a way to avoid speaking about the dreaded subject. Chuck feels Raleigh watching him, and he can tell that he's getting suspicious. The silence lasts longer than Chuck expected, but finally Raleigh breaks it.

"Something either very good or very bad must have happened during our drift."

Chuck swallows against the lump in his throat and tries to play it cool. He turns around slowly, handing Raleigh one of the mugs. "What makes you say that?"

"You're nervous, Chuck, and you don't get nervous easily." Raleigh remarks quietly after taking a sip of his coffee, and gives Chuck a concerned look. When Chuck opens his mouth to protest, Raleigh's hand comes up to stop him before he's even said a word. "Don't deny it, you know I can feel it."

Well, yes, he knows. That's part of the problem, actually, because right now Chuck would give anything for the prospect of having a day or two to think this through before he has to tell Raleigh about Yancy. To come up with a strategy of how to break it to him with the least amount of pain and damage. Fact is, though, he doesn't have that time and he won't be given any more. But Chuck still doesn't know where to start. How to start. It's not exactly an everyday conversation. 

"I've met Yancy." Chuck blurts out because he doesn't know what else to say. Just out with it, get over with it, pull the band-aid off quickly. Hopefully it'll work and Raleigh won't kick him out. Or retreat into that terrible state of apathy that took hold of him after Yancy's death. The memory of experiencing it during the drift-dream still makes Chuck's skin crawl.

Raleigh freezes on the spot, the mug stills midair. There's a stiffness to his whole posture that Chuck has never seen in him before. But what's even scarier is the feeling of the walls in his mind coming up, effectively cutting off Chuck's perception of his feelings. It feels like a blow to the head, and Chuck does his best not to let it show how much it affects him. He knows it's an instinctive reaction - one he observed every time the conversation concerned Yancy - and it's Raleigh's way of protecting himself against the pain. Still, Chuck thinks that he should know by now that Chuck is there for him, will go the way with him and fight by his side no matter what the fight is about. Even if it's to combat painful memories.

Instead Raleigh is shutting him out, and that hurts. Not that he'll admit that. He's not a chick, after all, he can take it.

"You met Yancy." Raleigh's voice is utterly devoid of emotion, and that makes an unpleasant shiver run down Chuck's spine. "Care to elaborate?"

"Well, he kind of ordered me to tell you." Chuck can't help a chuckle that's somewhat forced. "Man, he can be really bossy."

Raleigh looks at him with narrowed eyes, the frown on his face not entirely born out of confusion. There's definitely a note of anger to it. " _What?_ "

Chuck looks down at his boots for moment, then he forces himself to face Raleigh again. "You know the saying - that you can always find your co-pilot in the drift?"

A short nod, tinged with impatience.

"Seems to be true." Chuck makes a point of catching Raleigh's gaze and holding it. "He was in our drift, Raleigh. Actually, he _controlled_ the drift."

Raleigh swallows hard, and Chuck can see something like hurt and a sliver of betrayal in his eyes. When he speaks, there's barely suppressed disappointment and bitterness in his voice. "What do you mean? I've never seen him in a drift."

"Because you were always conscious when drifting." Chuck replies. He has a feeling that he needs to explain this fast or Raleigh will get lost in assumptions directed by hurt and anger. Chuck feels oddly crippled by the shields around Raleigh's mind, he got so used to reading him all the time without even paying attention to it. Their ghost drift was their direct link, maybe not as clear as a drift, but still a sure way to read each other. Only now that it's dulled to almost nothing does Chuck notice how much of their communication happened over their ghost drift. How little they relied on words, inside and outside the drift.

"When I entered the drift, I found myself in the Icebox. Pre-Knifehead. I went to your quarters, but it was Yancy who expected me. You weren't there. He knew he was in a drift, Raleigh." Chuck stops for a moment, not quite sure how to go on. 

"So he's.... alive?" There's so much doubt in Raleigh's voice, and yet Chuck can hear the almost suppressed sliver of hope. It's painful to listen to it.

"Well, if you want to call it that." Chuck knows he has to make the actual situation absolutely clear. No matter what, he will not give Raleigh false hope. "He told me - and I quote - 'there's a consciousness without a body'. Please don't ask me to judge whether that means that somebody is alive or not."

Raleigh's eyes are guarded, but he's listening without interrupting Chuck. He still holds the mug of coffee, but he has obviously forgotten about it. Chuck is glad he never drank from his, because he feels suspiciously like throwing up already.

"You were still connected when.... he died." Chuck hesitates, he knows this is a very sensitive topic, and the last thing he wants is to piss Raleigh off or hurt him in any way. Knowing that he's not the best at being sensitive, Chuck is worried that he might put his foot in his mouth without even intending to. It's the one topic Raleigh will not forgive him if he does. "The drift was never properly disengaged. Yancy said that's how he ended up... well, in your brain. Like all co-pilots are connected, just that you were never disconnected, so to speak."

Chuck stops speaking, but when Raleigh doesn't say or ask anything, he continues. "He told me that he sees what you see, knows what you know, but he can't communicate with you. Well, or anybody else, for that matter. It seems that entering the drift while you were unconscious allowed him to make contact with me." 

Another pause that's only met with silence. It begins to unnerve Chuck, especially since the ghost drift is still disturbingly quiet. "When you sleep... when you were in coma... he said he spent time with you, talked to you, but to you it was just a dream and that the memory of it faded when you woke. Just like any dream."

Raleigh's mouth is pressed into a thin line and there's a frown on his face. He's obviously thinking about what Chuck just told him, and Chuck hates how he can't tell what Raleigh is feeling. If he's hurt or angry, hopeful and relieved or disappointed and betrayed. If he wants Chuck to be there or if he just wants to be left alone. Chuck feels utterly lost and helpless. 

After a long moment of uncomfortable and heavy silence, Chuck clears his throat and gestures at the door. "You should talk to Doc Lightcap and Newt when you feel like it. They've collected all the data, they can probably tell you more."

Raleigh just nods, but still doesn't say a thing. Chuck is so tense that he feels like a tightly wound coil that's about to snap. He needs Raleigh to say something, to do something, to just react. He wants to ask for a reaction, but the stubborn streak in him keeps him quiet. He's just the messenger, after all, he didn't do anything wrong. Raleigh has no right to cut him off and give him the silent treatment. It's not like Chuck personally planted Yancy in his brain.

The silence lasts, but Chuck stubbornly refuses to cave first and break it. Raleigh is staring at the mug in his hands, his eyes narrowed and the frown still firmly in place. There's a faraway look in his eyes, and Chuck desperately wishes for the ghost drift to return to normal so that he knew what's going on in Raleigh's head right now. So that he knew what to do, how to react. 

But the shields don't waver.

When Raleigh finally speaks, it's almost a shock to hear his voice after the long, absolute silence. He's still staring at the mug in his hands. "I... It's..." 

He falls silent again, as if looking for the right words. When he looks up and catches Chuck's gaze, his eyes are unreadable. "I need a moment alone. To think."

"Sure." Chuck grits his teeth and repeats the words 'be patient' in his mind until they become a mantra. He's not good at being patient, and he's even less good at dealing with rejection. He knows this is not what his panicked mind is making it to be, Raleigh is not kicking him out, he's not calling the quits. He just needs time to think, which is an absolutely understandable request considering what he just learned. Chuck would want that too in a situation like this. Perfectly normal.

He can't help that it still feels like a rejection. A rejection of his help, of his concern, of his willingness to just be there. Of his feelings. Especially since the walls are still up in Raleigh's mind and the ghost drift may be there, but it feels almost empty. That's what's unnerves him the most.

"You know where to find me." Chuck presses out and turns on his heel. He waits for Raleigh to call him back, to say something - _anything_ \- for every single step that brings him closer to leaving. 

Nothing comes. The door falling shut behind him sounds almost final.


	32. In A Perfect World... (Herc/Stacker, Herc & Stacker & Mako & Chuck)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Herc engages in a drift with Stacker - while the latter is still in a coma. It's interesting, to say the least.

_Hong Kong Shatterdome, 18th January 2025_

 

Mako meets him in the elevator again. Herc's still wondering how she does it, her perfect timing. 

She gives a little bow in greeting, and Herc nods with a smile that she returns. They've become closer since Operation Pitfall. Herc wonders if it's maybe their shared love and worry for Stacker that brought them closer, combined with working closely together to keep the PPDC running - and out of the claws of the UN. 

Mako has grown up. Maybe 'grown up' isn't the right term, she's always been responsible and reliable and way too grown up for her young age, Herc thinks with a tinge of regret. It's a feature common to their generation; Chuck is the same, even if it manifests differently. But now it seems like Mako is her own person, free of all the rage and the craving for vengeance that pushed her to go further and further. Now she does it because she wants to, not because she has a duty to fulfil. Especially in those days when all responsibility rested on her and Tendo's shoulders in the immediate aftermath of Operation Pitfall, she learned a lot about herself. What she could do. Things she'd probably never thought about. And she's damn good at them.

She has matured. Maybe that's the right expression. It shows in the way she carries herself, in the resolute set of her shoulders and a sense of authority that she didn't have before. Don't get him wrong, people always listened to her, but not like this. Now it's her confidence that commands people's respect, something she gained in the fight against Otachi and Leatherback and in her newfound position as the face and the voice of the PPDC. Herc thinks she might have finally let go of some old ballast that pushed her on but at the same time held her back. He's very glad to know that she's having his back in the current - more bureaucratic and therefore much scarier - battle the PPDC is fighting. It's going to be a very though one.

They're on their way to the drift research lab, as the Shatterdome personnel has begun to call the labs of Caitlin Lightcap. Newton Geiszler and Hermann Gottlieb can be found there too, most of the time. The three of them have proven a very productive team, and when they asked Herc and Mako down into their realm, neither hesitated. Especially when they said that their news concerned Stacker, too.

Herc just came from the med bay this morning. He still sleeps in Stacker's bed there every night. He needs the closeness, he needs the physical contact and the ghost drift that's stronger when he's close to Stacker. He needs to feel Stacker's mind respond to his touch, the only sign of consciousness that he has shown since they were fished out of the ocean. 

There's been no change since, no improvement, but also no deterioration. It's been six days, and even Herc begins to get slightly nervous. To hear that his scientists may have come up with something seems too good to be true, and Herc forces himself not to expect too much. They can't perform miracles, after all, and what Stacker needs is a miracle. He can read the same carefully suppressed hope in Mako. They both have learned a long time ago that things are never that easy.

Once they've arrived at the correct floor, they walk to the lab that's situated close to the elevator to facilitate the transport of equipment. The doors are wide open and Herc can hear the buzz of machinery even before they enter the room. Inside he takes in the scenery - a huge, makeshift yet still very complicated looking machine takes up most of the lab. There are work stations with screens spread all over the place, and Herc spots Caitlin in the back of the lab, working on one of them. Right in front of Herc, there are two legs sticking out from under the machine, and it's not too difficult to guess how they belong to.

Herc taps one foot with the tip of his boot. "Dr Geiszler?"

There's a bit of wiggling, then Newt rolls out from under the apparatus on a creeper. "Oh, you're here! Perfect!"

He sit up and turns left and right before he spots who he's looking for. "Hey, Cait, our visitors are here!"

"Are you done?" Caitling replies, not shouting like Newt, but still loud enough to be heard at the opposite side of the lab. Herc raises an eyebrow in surprise. He has known Caitlin for a long time, and she's usually not that relaxed with people. She tends to be very reserved, even if with people she knows.

"Two minutes. You?" Newt shouts back - and here's somebody who probably never in their entire life had problems with being too reserved, Herc thinks with a barely suppressed grin.

Caitlin types something and then steps back from the terminal. "Done."

"Perfect. I'll just finish up here, then we're good to go." Newt say and rolls back under the massive machine. Herc is tempted to call him on the general rudeness of the gesture, but Caitlin is coming over to them with a big smile, and that's unusual enough to make Herc forget about Newton. Seems like they really have good news. 

"I'm glad you could make it so quickly, especially on such short notice. I'll explain to you what's going on while Newt gives the drift machine the final touch." Caitlin gestures for them to follow her to a station of screens to their left. "Yesterday morning we did an experiment with Rangers Becket and Hansen. It yielded some pretty surprising and interesting results that have given us a direction for how to treat the Marshal."

She turns to the keyboard and types something, then a row of charts and a graph show up on two of the screens. "Well, long story short, this machine makes it possible for two people to drift, but only on the condition that they're a perfect match _and_ have drifted together before. The perfect match connection is the base this machine works with, so we can't create a drift between people who're just compatible."

"Which is probably not bad considering the abuse that's possible with a machine that allows drifting." Newt chimes in. He doesn't even bother to roll out from under the machine while talking. "At least there's not going to be random drifting to get access to other people's mind. Perfect matches are rare, after all, and too loyal to each other to cause their partner any harm." 

"We've already decided not to venture into research considering a drift without a perfect match connection. Not to mention that we think it's not possible without causing massive damage to both compatible parties." Caitlin explains and gestures at Newt's feet sticking out from under the apparatus.

"Seems reasonable." Herc say with a nod at Caitlin. "I wouldn't want the PPDC to be responsible for such a dangerous tool on the market. I can already see all the ways it would be abused."

"That's what we thought, too." Newt finally does come out from underneath the machine, and now there are some additional stains on his formerly white shirt. He doesn't seem to mind, not that Herc understands how he can think that a white shirt is a good idea when working on heavy machinery.

"Now, our experiment with Becket and Hansen was in a way an imitation of the situation you and Pentecost are currently in. We gave Becket a mild sedative, and once he was asleep, we had Hansen drift with him. I'm sure you can see the similarities." Newt joins them at the station, and Caitlin reaches out to switch off his headlight that's blinding them all. Herc involuntarily smiles at the gesture that seems oddly familiar. They must have been in this situation before. It's good to see Caitlin befriend somebody here in the Shatterdome.

"Of course we surveyed their drift, and while Becket's brain was nice and quiet, Chuck's spiked several times." Caitlin points at the graphs on the screen behind her. Herc can see immediately what she's talking about, even without being an expert on the subject. "Once Chuck came out of the drift, he told us that neither Becket nor him caused those spikes, but _Yancy_." 

"Excuse me?" Mako has spoken before Herc has even processed the information they've just been given. He's still at the I-must-have-heard-wrong stage. 

"Well, yeah, we reacted pretty much the same way." Newt admits with a shrug. "I mean, come on, the guy's been dead for five years, right?"

"Oi, pay some respect." Herc growls instinctively, because he can't stand it when people talk flippantly about anybody who died in the fight against the Kaiju. Newt seems entirely unimpressed and just continues talking.

"We've gone over everything Hansen told us - including the at first glance unimportant little piece of information that Hansen had the impression that Yancy controlled the drift. When we went over the readouts of the drift with this new point of view in mind, it actually proved to be true that neither Raleigh nor Chuck had controlled the drift. That more than anything convinced us. We're still looking into the phenomenon and we plan on more experiments."

"So Yancy, he's... alive?" Herc can't keep the scepticism out of his voice. If something seems to good to be true, it usually is. And Yancy miraculously returning from the dead certainly is too good to be true. There's a catch somewhere, he just knows it.

"We're still trying to figure that out. In a manner of speaking his consciousness seems to have remained stored in Raleigh's brain - without him knowing, by the way - while his body died. It's probably tied to the fact that he was still connected to Becket at the point of his death, which is unprecedented. In all other cases of Rangers dying during an active drift, both co-pilots lost their lives. It's still nothing but speculation, though. We hope to be able to find out more in future experiments." Newt is quite obviously excited about the prospect of more drift experiments. Herc can't help wondering if the same goes for Chuck and Raleigh. He's sure the emotional component is much more important to them than Newt's scientific curiosity.

"How did Raleigh take the news?" Mako asks quietly, but Herc can hear the wariness in her words. She knows Raleigh, probably second best right after Chuck, and she sees the same problem Herc sees. Not to mention that Chuck isn't the most emotionally stable at good times, and this situation certainly isn't good times. Him having to deal with Raleigh's reaction to relaying such an emotionally charged message is bound to end in hurt feelings. His _and_ Raleigh's.

"We don't know yet, we haven't seen him since we brought him into the room next door to sleep off the sedative." Caitlin replies, and Herc hears the concern in her voice. "Chuck stayed with him til he woke. He said he wanted to tell Becket about Yancy. And he warned us that Becket probably didn't want to talk to anybody afterwards."

Mako throws Herc a worried look that seems to hold the exact same thought - something must have gone wrong, because they both ate dinner with a very quiet Chuck in the mess last night. It's not particularly unusual for them to have dinner together - they've done that quite a few times since Operation Pitfall, Chuck doesn't seem to be too fond of the medical bay's food - but Chuck has been uncharacteristically subdued. _And_ he hadn't said a word about all of this.

Of course not. Stubborn idiot, Herc thinks with a profound mental sigh. He shouldn't be surprised, really. Chuck may have come a long way since he first drifted with Raleigh, but he's still Chuck, after all. If there's even the slightest chance that he felt rejected, he's going to retreat into his shell. And become quiet in the course, like last night's dinner. Herc wonders if Chuck even slept in their shared quarters instead of Raleigh's room in the med bay. He can't tell since Herc himself stayed with Stacker overnight.

This is a mess. This thing with Raleigh is still so new, and both of them are still emotionally unstable. They haven't bonded to the degree of other perfect matches yet, they never had the time. Herc worries that Chuck might give up too quickly, that he'll retreat instead of pushing back because he's afraid to get hurt. Their relationship may not have been the best in the past few years, but Herc still knows Chuck. He knows that Chuck will always fight, will always push back even harder when pushed, will always mouth off instead of giving in. The only matter where he won't do that is when he feels rejected by somebody he cares about. 

And there's no doubt that he cares about Raleigh. A lot.

Mako gives him an almost imperceptible nod to let him know that she'll take care of things as soon as she gets out of this lab. It makes Herc feel better immediately.

"What's really important for the situation at hand, though, is that we know that we can send you into a drift with the Marshal, sir." Newt proves again that he has the sensitivity of a sledgehammer. Herc barely resists the urge to roll his eyes.

"We have absolutely no idea what's going on in Stacker's mind, Herc." Caitlin says seriously after sending Newt a chiding look. "There's been no change in his condition since he came here. We need to get an idea what's happening to him, and a drift with him might actually tells us. Well, tell you, to be exact."

"You want me to drift with Stacker while he's in a coma using that thing." Herc gestures at the monstrosity behind Newt and Caitlin. He's still trying to wrap his mind around the craziness of their suggestion. One look at Mako tells him that she's not convinced either.

"That sums it up nicely." Newt agrees and smirks, as if he doesn't get why the idea might be strange. Well, he probably doesn't, he voluntarily drifted with a Kaiju brain, after all - using a device he'd improvised out of garbage. That guy has no sense of self-preservation at all.

"According to the little information we have, it's likely that the version of Stacker that you'll meet in the drift is neither aware that he's in a coma nor that he's drifting." Caitlin remarks and makes a point to hold Herc's gaze. "Yancy told Chuck that he could only communicate with Raleigh when he was either sleeping or unconscious, and that Raleigh would experience it like a dream and the memories would fade upon waking. Therefore it's likely that Stacker, who doesn't know that he's in a coma, thinks the drift is a dream. We can't give you any advice on how to handle that situation, if telling him is advisable or not. You'll have to decide that yourself."

"So basically, if you agree, we'll have the Marshal brought down here and we'll give it a go." Newt continues with much less tact than Caitlin probably would have used. Herc actually appreciates the directness, because this is crazy enough as it is, he needs them to be very clear about what they're intending to do. No misunderstandings on this.

"Isn't this dangerous?" Herc asks, because they haven't told him about the risks yet, and that makes him suspicious. There are usually pretty high risks involved for experimental stuff like this, and he won't do anything that endangers Stacker any further.

"Well, of course there are risks." Newt replies casually, but the fact that he doesn't elaborate confirms Herc's inkling. Newt likes talking, and he loves sharing his theories, so that he doesn't do it now says more than a thousand words.

It's Caitlin who elaborates, and she's dead serious. "Fact is, Herc, that in the past Stacker's brain has taken on much higher neural loads than any human should be able to survive. There's damage, is stands out clearly on his brain scans, and has since 2016. He still lived for almost ten years without showing any signs of neural damage influencing his thought or body. He was even able to maintain a stable drift with you for several hours and came out of it alive."

She makes a pause to allow her words to sink in before she continues. "We don't know exactly what this drift will do to him or you. But the fact that you were able to effortlessly hold a neural handshake during Operation Pitfall shows that you _can_ drift. The drift surveillance data from Pitfall suggests that your brain took the load of the drift that was too much for Stacker. We suspect that it has to do with the fact that you are a perfect match. Your brains automatically evened out the odds once you were linked. It seems to be connected to the effect of functioning as one entity as soon as the neural handshake is initiated. Drifting with anybody else would most likely have killed him.”

Herc feels a shiver run down his back at those words. They drive the point home again how risky their drift was, how much of a wild card it was. How close he came to losing Stacker for good. 

"All right, let's give it a go." Herc nods resolutely and makes sure that his voice is firm. It's as much for his own sake as for Mako's, who he knows is worried sick about Stacker, just like Herc himself is. The days without an improvement in his condition have begun to grate on her nerves as well, and Herc knows that they both need a change in pace. If this drift can improve things in any way, then Herc is willing to give it a try.

"Great." Newt actually claps his hands in an instinctive show of enthusiasm.

"We're lucky we just had a press conference two days ago." Herc sighs. "I'm sure they would have grilled us even more if they knew about what we're planning to do."

"No need to tell." Newt shrugs. "It's still in the experimental stage, after all. Company's secret."

"Yeah, I'm not actually planning to let them know that the current head of the PPDC is about to engage in a drift with the Marshal who's in a coma after a bomb run on the Breach." Herc snorts. "It sounds too much like the entire leadership of the PPDC is suicidal."

Even Mako smirks at that. What makes it so funny is that nothing could be further from the truth. Stacker, Herc, Mako, Chuck, Raleigh - they all have so much to live for, have so much fight inside of them. They're far from suicidal, even if circumstances make it difficult to realise that. From an outsider's point of view, it certainly seems as if they're actively seeking out deadly situations all the time.

Within only a few minutes, Caitlin and Newt have gone through all the preparations. Stacker is brought down to the lab with a few nurses and a doctor in tow and Herc lies down on a second bed next to him with the same sensors on his temples as Stacker. It's oddly familiar, reminding him of the first day in the med bay right after he woke up. Right up until the moment when Newt puts a weird looking helmet on his head and activates it. It feels like feathers are touching his hair and skin, and Herc shivers a bit at the sensation. He may be a bit more ticklish than he's ever going to admit.

Mako is standing next to his bed, and when Herc looks up at her, she gives a little smile and inclines her head.

"You drift with Sensei. I'll take care of Chuck and Raleigh." Mako says firmly, and Herc knows she will sort this mess to her best ability. Of course that doesn't mean much faced with the sheer amount of stubbornness, misunderstandings and hurt feelings that come together between Chuck and Raleigh. They can be impressively stupid, those two. Well, Mako is nothing if not persistent.

"Thank you, Mako." Herc gives her a nod in gratitude. He's well aware that she can do much more than he could - there are a lot of things Chuck will not talk to him about, and seeing how he's not only Raleigh's commanding officer but also Chuck's father, Raleigh won't talk to him frankly either. Mako, on the other hand, has a good relationship to both of them, and she's skilled in dealing with difficult people - be it politicians, journalists or her short-sighted best friend and her hurt almost-brother.

"We're ready, sir." Newt announces from one of the terminals installed on the machine.

Caitlin comes over to where Herc is lying right next to Stacker, and she smiles when she spots Herc's hand that's wrapped firmly around Stacker's. Herc is aware that he's way more physical with Stacker than he's ever been before, but it's such a fundamental urge that he can't fight it. He's not _willing_ to fight it. It feels like it's necessary at the moment, and he has always trusted his instincts. They haven't led him astray so far.

"For you goes the same as for Chuck: We will not terminate the drift remotely, no matter how long it takes, until you tell us to. We will not take any risks on that." Caitlin tells him firmly. Herc likes that rule, he has an inkling that it's a good one, and he nods in acknowledgement.

"Ready to initiate neural handshake?" Newt asks from his station, the excitement plain in his voice. Herc catches Mako's gaze and gives a quick smile, then he nods. "Ready."

"Initiating neural handshake in five - four - three..."

Herc closes his eyes and concentrates on his breathing, synchronising it with Stacker's. It's something that still comes as easily and naturally to him as the very first time.

"...two..."

Newt's voice grows distant as Herc opens his mind to Stacker, focussing on the ghost drift that he knows will be replaced by the clarity of the neural handshake in a second.

"...one..."

A flash, familiar and yet different, a powerful surge of memories that wraps around him, engulfs him, and when he opens his eyes, he's not in the lab. It feels like a dream, just that he knows that it isn't one. He's completely clear, remembers exactly how he came here. He knows that he engaged in a drift with Stacker via Newton's newest gadget, to find out what his condition is. 

Now he's on a beach that seems oddly familiar, the sun is warm on his skin and the breeze from the sea just enough to keep it from getting too hot. It touches the bare skin of his chest and shoulders, and when Herc looks down he's dressed in a pair of boardshorts that he knows he remembers. He's still trying to put his finger on the odd feeling he can't fight off, that something is wrong, and still it's completely right. It's strange, and it's nagging in the back of his mind...

"Dad! Dad! Look! I'm standing!" 

Herc feels a shiver run down his spine, ice cold and scalding hot at the same time. He knows that voice. He whirls around to catch sight of Chuck, no, young _Charlie_ who loves to ride his dad's shoulders, who's grinning and just so keeping his balance on his surfboard. He's riding the wave all the way back to shore, maybe a bit unsteady, but he remains standing. The pride is radiating off him and Herc can't help smiling broadly. 

He feels the warm sand between his toes and smells the tang of the sea in the air when he takes a deep breath. It's so real, so convincing that it's easy to forget it's a dream. Herc watches Chuck - no, _Charlie_ \- paddle out again, as fierce and determined as Chuck, just with a layer of sincere innocence around him that Chuck lost when his mom died. It makes Herc's heart clench too see him young and whole again, a child who doesn't know about the cruelty of the world yet. 

When Herc turns around, he sees a young girl kneeling in the sand a few metres away, wearing blue boardies and a sun protection shirt along with a floppy hat. It takes him a second to recognise her as Mako. She's younger than Stacker ever met her, maybe seven or eight, and so is Chuck. Herc realises that Stacker's dream is also based on Herc's own memories that they shared in every single drift.

Mako's building a sandcastle, a look of utter concentration on her face. A closer look reveals that it's not just some childish attempt to build something resembling a medieval structure, no, it's in fact a quite tall robot-like figure that bears stunning resemblance to Gipsy Danger. A bucket of water rests on one side of the figure, and there are tool spread out around Mako, all in perfect order sorted by type and size. When she changes from one chisel to the other, she replaces them in their assorted spot. She doesn't seem to take note of the world around her at all, she's only focussed on the detailed foot she's carving at the moment. Herc smiles at the sight, it's something that seems exactly like the thing Mako would have done as a child. She already displays the tendency to perfectionism she carried into adulthood.

Suddenly Mako looks up and catches his gaze. She moves back from the sand sculpture and comes to stand next to him, eyeing her masterpiece critically.

"What do you think, Daddy?" Mako asks, her voice still so much like Herc knows it and yet she sounds like the child she must have been before Onibaba destroyed her innocence along with her family and Tokyo. 

"What's it supposed to be?" Herc asks carefully. He's not sure how to handle the situation, so he'll do some recon first.

"Daddy! You know it's Gipsy! I've been working on the plans for weeks, after all." Mako manages to sound scandalised and chiding at the same time while still sounding like her polite self. It's quite a feat in Herc's opinion.

Only then does it sink in what she called him, and as soon as his brain catches up, he feels goosebumps spread all over his skin. It's strange, but somehow also feels so good, so _right_ , to have this young version of Mako call him 'Daddy'. He never got that close to the real Mako, the one who was already a teen when she first met him, and too shy, too reserved and too traumatised to allow anybody close. Even Stacker, who he knows is like a father for her, she never calls that.

"I think it's a very accurate rendering of Gipsy." Herc makes sure to actually inspect the sand sculpture closely, because Mako is attentive like that. "You have got the proportions right, and the details are correct. Great job, Mako."

He smiles at her and she returns it. She actually looks proud in the innocent and sincere way only children have, and it warms Herc's heart to know that his praise means so much to her.

"Dad! Mako!" Herc and Mako turn around at the breathless shout and watch Charlie run up the beach towards them, carrying his children's surfboard under his arm. He's wearing a long-sleeved sun protection shirt with a cartoon rendering of a robot that looks a lot like Striker Eureka, along with a huge grin. "Did you see me? I managed to stand four times in a row!"

"Yeah, I saw you. You're real good." Herc ruffles Charlie's hair affectionately, because hey, he hasn't been allowed to do that in over a decade, so it's impossible to resist. It feels good that Charlie doesn't flinch or pull away, but actually laughs at the touch.

"I watched you earlier." Mako says. "You're getting there."

If possible, Charlie beams a little more. He rams his surf board in the sand until it remains standing, then he spots Mako's masterpiece.

"Cool sculpture, Mako!" He exclaims in obviously spontaneous excitement. "Gipsy?"

She nods and watches Chuck circle the sand figure. He makes sure not to mess up her carefully laid out tools, and Herc is surprised by the consideration. Or maybe he did it once and she kicked his arse and he learned his lesson. That's possible, too, Herc thinks with a halfway suppressed smirk.

"When will you do Striker?" Charlie asks while inspecting the head of the robot.

"I've begun with the plans." Mako obviously enjoys it that Charlie is so clearly impressed by her work. Herc doesn't even dare to ask how long it must have taken her. By the position of the sun Herc can tell it's late afternoon, so she could have been at it since the early morning. He wouldn't put it past her.

Charlie suddenly exchanges a quick look with Mako - Herc can't get rid of the feeling that they just had an entire conversation without actually saying a word - then he turns to Herc with hope gleaming in his eyes. "Dad? Can we get some ice cream?"

"Please, Daddy?" Mako adds and uses really heartbreaking puppy dog eyes on him. He's never been subject to that look on her - he didn't even know she _could_ look like that - especially combined with Chuck joining her and actually asking politely, so Herc forgives himself for caving in almost instantly. It also makes his heart clench wistfully how obviously they're behaving like siblings. He wishes they had had the chance to grow that tight in reality. It would have done them both a world of good.

"All, right, ice cream it is. You even get to choose where we go." Herc gives them the choice because he has no idea where the next ice parlour is, but he's pretty sure they do. It results in whooping and a little dance of joy.

Chuck grabs his surf board, and Mako quickly and efficiently packs up her tools, empties the bucket of water and puts the bundled up tools inside. There's obviously a system to this, she's not doing it for the first time.

Only a minute later Herc follows Charlie and Mako who're excitedly leading the way, Mako with her blue bucket in her hands and Charlie carrying his surf board. Herc offered to take it, but Charlie insisted that if he could surf it, he could carry it, too. Herc couldn't entirely hide his proud smile. His boy is turning out all right.

When they reach the promenade, it suddenly hits Herc. This is Noosa, and it looks just like when Stacker, Tamsin and he spend a week there in 2016 during their Epic Road Trip through Australia. There's the smoothie stand, and over there is the café they liked to frequent. That's why the beach and his boardshorts look to familiar, Herc realises, because they're exactly the same as in 2016. Clearly Stacker drew on their road trip for this dream.

Mako and Charlie stop in front of a little café that Herc remembers because Tamsin loved the moccaccino there. There are benches and chairs standing in a row on the footpath and a sign announces that there are thirty different flavours of ice cream to choose from. There are quite a few people enjoying coffee and ice cream, among them several families with children.

"Auntie Tam!" Charlie breaks into a big smile. Herc follows his gaze and sees a very familiar redhead sitting on one of the benches, a cup in front of her that Herc is ready to bet his life on contains a moccaccino. 

"Hey there, Sunshine! What are you doing here?" Tamsin hugs first Charlie and then Mako who both hurried over to her as soon as they spotted her. Tamsin gives Herc a conspirational wink over Mako's shoulder. "Did you wrap your daddy around your little finger again to get some ice cream?"

Herc rolls his eyes and barely manages to keep a sigh from slipping out. Seems that him giving in to their puppy dog eyes is the norm, not the exception. Tamsin just grins.

"Come on, have a seat." She moves aside on the bench and Charlie slips in next to her immediately. Herc can't say he's surprised, even his Chuck got on really well with Tamsin. Two peas in a pot, and a lot of stupid ideas between them. Those two together had made Scott look like a reasonable adult.

Herc takes one of the free chairs and Mako squeezes on Tamsin's other side while Charlie is already telling Tamsin about his success in surfing. From the few words exchanged, Herc grabs that it was Tamsin who taught him, and she's giving Charlie a high five when he mentions that he stood on his surfboard all the way to the shore.

Herc is glad that the attention is not focussed on him. He has to swallow against the lump in his throat while watching Tamsin interact with Charlie and Mako. God, he missed her so much. Her wit, her sarcasm, her sharp tongue and her great heart. Only now, sitting here in a dreamed up café as if she was still alive, does Herc really feel how empty the Shatterdome was without her. He never took the time to think about it before, always made sure to not let his mind go there. Tamsin's death was one more loss he could never quite get over. Neither did Stacker, Herc knows that even without drifting. 

Herc's brooding is interrupted when a young waitress comes out and takes one look at Mako and Charlie before breaking out into a grin. "The usual, you two?"

Charlie and Mako nod in union and smile at her. She doesn't even note it down, and Herc has the feeling that they're regulars here. "And you, Herc? Cappuccino and a scoop of stracciatella ice cream?"

Oh yeah, they're regulars all right. This is what he would have ordered, given the choice. He unobtrusively eyes her name plate and then gives her a big smile. "You know me too well, Julie."

She laughs and winks at Charlie and Mako. "I remember my best customers. Anything else for you, Tam?"

Tamsin eyes her cup, then she smirks at the waitress. "My moccaccino is almost gone, Julie. I think I'll go for another."

"Coming right up." The waitress smiles and disappears to take the orders from the couple sitting at the table next to them. 

"Ahhh, nothing's better than a nice moccaccino on a sunny Sunday afternoon." Tamsin says with a broad, satisfied smile and stretches her arms comfortably. 

"And ice cream!" Mako chirps and Charlie nods furiously in eager agreement.

"What did you do today, Cookie?" Tamsin asks Mako and cuddles her close.

"She built an awesome sculpture of Gipsy!" Charlie replies before Mako can even open her mouth. "It's down on the beach, right next to the promenade. It's really cool!"

"Did you, now?" Tamsin looks impressed. "I'll make sure to have a look later on. Your version of Crimson Typhoon was so good that it made it into the newspaper, after all. I can't miss that."

Mako beams at the praise. She's still shy, Herc realises, but not as much as the real Mako. She seems to feel secure in her relationships to her family, and that makes her a little more outgoing.

"Here we go." Julie the waitress is back with a tray laden with coffee and ice cream. She sets the delicious treats down and Charlie's and Mako's eyes glister with anticipation. Mako gets a banana split and Charlie eyes his spaghetti ice cream, a speciality of the café that, if Herc remembers correctly, made it especially popular with the children. It truly looks like a bowl of spaghetti covered in tomato sauce, but Herc knows it's actually vanilla ice cream and strawberry sauce. He still finds it as strange as back in 2016, when he first saw Tamsin order it out of curiosity.

Herc takes a sip of his cappuccino and enjoys the way the flavour explodes in his mouth. This may be a dream, but so far it's a damn good one, he thinks with a smile. When he opens his eyes again, Herc spots Stacker walking towards the café with the relaxed, easy way of walking he took on during their road trip in 2016. He's wearing boardies and thongs, same as the stunningly beautiful woman next to him. They're talking and laughing and seem utterly comfortable around each other. 

Herc tries very hard not to stare. He may never have met Luna Pentecost in person, but he has seen her in so many of Stacker's memories that he recognises her immediately. She's everything Stacker told him about her. She's tall - must run in the Pentecost family, Herc thinks with a smirk - and she has the confident walk of a person who's resting in herself. Her long black hair is pulled back in a messy bun and there are sporty sunnies pushed into her hair. She's wearing a tank top and shorts that look comfortable rather than stylish, and Herc likes her immediately.

"Dad!" Mako beams at Stacker, and Herc feels his heart clench in wistfulness. For a moment he wishes that he didn't know that this is just a dream. He can see so many of Stacker unspoken and buried wishes come true in this dream, simple things that would have made him so happy. Having a family, with Herc, Mako, Chuck, Luna and Tamsin. Living in a world that doesn't know the horror of the Kaiju. He asks for so little, yet it's so much. 

Herc watches Mako get off the bench, completely forgetting her beloved ice cream, and running over to Stacker who catches her and lifts her effortlessly up on his arms. He presses a kiss to her cheek and Mako giggles, especially when Luna leans in and pecks her on the other cheek. 

When they get to the table, Stacker sets Mako down. Herc is astonished to see Charlie hop off the bench to claim a hug from Stacker who returns it with a content smile. Never in is life has Herc seen Chuck being so affectionate with Stacker. It touches something deep inside of him that Stacker obviously would have liked to get to know Chuck better, to really be a family. Herc knows Stacker cares for his boy, but he also knows that the situation in their reality had been too screwed up to make it possible for Stacker and Chuck to get close. 

"Hey gorgeous." Luna bends down and gently kisses Tamsin on the lips, then she ruffles Charlie's hair and sits down next to Tamsin. "Is this a family meeting I wasn't told about?"

"More a spontaneous get-together." Tamsin replies and Herc watches Luna steal her moccaccino. 

"I see a banana split in front of me." Luna states and then looks at Mako with a smirk. "Did I take your seat, Cookie?" 

Mako nods earnestly. Herc smirks at the nickname. It's quite fitting. He knows that Mako has a massive sweet tooth, but she also has great discipline, and that evens out the odds. 

"Come here, Cookie, we can sit here together." Luna smiles at the little girl and Mako hops up to sit on her legs.

"How was the beach?" Stacker asks Herc and sits down on the chair next to him, but not before pressing a quick kiss on the top of his head and carding his hand through the hair at the nape of Herc's neck. It makes a shiver run down Herc's spine, just as casual affectionate touches from Stacker always do. He still loves those little gestures. 

"I stood on my board! Four times in a row!" Charlie says enthusiastically before Herc can even think about what to say about an afternoon he mostly doesn't remember. It's not *his* dream, after all.

"And I made Gipsy!" Mako's voice is a bit more quiet, but no less excited.

"She looks so cool, Pa!" Charlie turns towards Stacker, and Herc can't help the big smile that comes to his lips when he hears Charlie call Stacker 'Pa'. It may be weird to have his boy call anybody else that, but with Stacker, it feel right. Especially when it comes from this young, innocent version of his Chuck, the one who truly means it. "You all have to come look at it!"

"We can do that on our way home." Stacker suggests while Charlie pulls the plate with his spaghetti ice cream over to where he's sitting on the last free chair with his legs dangling.

"How was you day?" Tamsin asks both Stacker and Luna. She also catches Julie's attention to get another moccaccino since hers is firmly in Luna's possession now. Luna just smirks and licks the foam off her upper lip, obviously teasing Tamsin who just gently elbows her into the side. Mako giggles and offers Tamsin a bite of her banana split, as if trying to even out the odds. Tamsin accepts and thanks Mako with a peck to the cheek which makes the girl smile even more. 

Herc watches them, glad that he doesn't have to speak. His chest feels tight and he doesn't trust his voice right now. All of it is so strange and yet so familiar. He remembers how well Tamsin and Mako got along, how they bonded almost instantly, how Tamsin managed to pull the shy little girl out of her shell when Mako came to live with Stacker. He remembers the first time he heard Mako laugh out loud, and how it was Tamsin who made her laugh with scrawly drawings of stick figures of Stacker, Herc, herself and Mako. 

He also remembers how silent Mako became after Tamsin's death, how she never cried but still grieved in a way that made Stacker and Herc feel helpless. He knows that Stacker felt guilty for making her lose another person she loved, and how he tried to make up for it. But Mako was too old, had seen too many things and gone through too much on her own to really accept help and comfort anymore. She'd learned that she could do it on her own, and she didn't want to burden anybody, so she kept it together and never faltered in her flawless performance. Herc is sure that she never knew how much she made Stacker feel lost and helpless with that attitude.

This, though, this is how Stacker would have loved to see Mako grow up. With a family that she could love without fear of losing them. A fear she doesn't even know in this world. No mask of competence and duty, just a child that matures in due course, not way too early. Charlie is the same, and Herc turns to watch him discuss his surfing success with Stacker, his little face beaming with pride and his voice earnest in the way children have. Herc likes seeing him like that.

Julie comes by and brings a new moccaccino for Tamsin and a latte macchiato for Stacker. Herc smirks when Stacker steals a bit of Herc's ice cream and doesn't even bother to fight him off. He enjoys the relaxed atmosphere, the easy familiarity and the open affection too much to do anything to stop it. Never has Stacker behaved so openly affectionate in public, and Herc indulges in it while it lasts. Dream or not.

They sit in the café for quite some time before they all together go to the beach to look at Mako's sand sculpture. There are already people standing around it, taking pictures and videos, and several children pose next to Gipsy for pictures. It's already quite the success, and Herc sees Mako smile when she sees how much people enjoy her work. Tamsin kneels next to Gipsy with Mako standing besides her and has Luna take pictures of the two and the sculpture. Mako is shy until Tamsin begins to tickle her to get her to laugh for the picture. Stacker just smirks, he's quite obviously used to Tamsin's crazy ways. 

They say good-bye afterwards since Luna and Tamsin have parked on the other end of the beach. There are hugs and pecks and Herc is surprised that Luna actually cuddles him just as much as the children. It makes him feel like she has accepted him into the Pentecost side of the family. It feels good.

Charlie insists on carrying his surfboard back to the car, and Mako doesn't let anybody else carry the bucket with her tools, either. They're pretty determined to make it on their own, and Herc appreciates that. It's a good character trait, they'll need it later in life. They're both walking in front of Stacker and Herc, and Herc is sure he can hear Striker's and Gipsy's names pop up in their conversation. Those two are really obsessed with their Jaegers.

Herc only listens with half an ear. He's busy quietly freaking out about the fact that Stacker took his hand as soon as they left the café, and now their fingers are loosely entwined. It's oddly comfortable and intimate, yet Herc can tell that it comes naturally to Stacker, that he doesn't think he's doing something special. Even during their road trip in 2016, when Stacker slowly unbent, he never relaxed to quite that extent.

Herc knows his position as the Marshal of the PPDC made Stacker aware of the eyes watching him, politicians as well as the PPDC personnel. They were at war, and Stacker couldn't allow to be seen as soft or even human - he had to be their fixed point, their last man standing. A role, not a person with actual feelings. It made him hard in ways Herc doesn't like but understands, and he's always glad to see Stacker's mask fall away when they're in private.

"You drive?" Stacker asks Herc after a moment of companionable silence.

"Nah, you drive." Herc replies because he's absolutely not sure where he should drive to. He has no idea where they're going, after all. 

To his surprise, the car proves to be a pick-up truck with 'Herc's Carpentry' printed all over the side. He's a chippie, Herc realises. Well, that's not too unreasonable. If life had been different, he might very well have picked that line of work. There aren't many people who know that. Herc has been doing woodwork his entire life, from building houses to carving delicate ornaments. His grandfather taught him, and Herc has been carrying a little set of tools around wherever he went. His granddad gave it to him for his fifteenth birthday, and they're really good tools. Stacker knows that, even owns a few pieces of Herc's work.

"I sit on the left!" Charlie calls as soon as they reach the car, and makes a point of running to the left hand door with his surfboard still in hand.

"No, I want to sit on the left!" Mako frowns at him, and it doesn't take Herc more than a second to realise that this is a regular argument. He catches Stacker's gaze and sees him roll his eyes. Meanwhile, Mako and Charlie continue to bicker.

"No! It's my turn!" Charlie shouts back at her. 

Mako stands her ground. "That's not true!"

"Mako. Charlie." Stacker doesn't even raise his voice, yet both children stop quibbling. They're still glaring at each other, though. Stacker pulls a dollar coin out of his pocket and holds it out for both of them to see. "We let the coin decide."

Reluctantly Mako nods, and then Charlie does, too. Herc hides a smirk, this solution does seem to be as regular as the argument itself. Stacker flips the coin up, catches it mid air and slaps it on the back of his hand. "Heads or tails?"

"Tails." Charlie says in the exact same moment that Mako replies, "Heads."

Stacker lifts his hand and holds it out so that both children can see the result. Herc just stands back and keeps watching them with a carefully hidden smile. It's an intelligent solution, too, because neither of the children can actually blame anybody if they don't get their wish. Charlie's face darkens at the same moment that Mako's brightens. It's quite obvious who gets to sit on the popular left side. 

"That's not fair! She got to sit on the left side last time too!" Charlie stomps his foot hard on the ground and causes a little sand fountain. Now this is a trait of Chuck that Herc remembers from reality, the one where he gets moody and cranky if he doesn't get what he wants. 

"Charlie." There's a warning in Stacker's voice, although he still hasn't even raised his voice at all. "We've talked about this. It was a fair decision that nobody had any influence on and you have to accept that. Next time when you win, you don't want Mako to insist on your spot either."

Charlie pulls a face but doesn't say a thing. This also seems to be a regular thing, and in the way both Stacker and Charlie deal with it Herc can see a certain familiarity. Mako climbs into the truck on the left side and puts the bucket with her tools between her feet while Charlie stomps off to the right side. 

"Don't slam the door, Charlie." Stacker says just in time, Herc can see that Charlie was just about to do exactly that. Stacker sighs heavily and grabs the surfboard that Chuck left lying on the sand, puts it on the truck bed and then walks over to where Herc is standing next to the driver's side.

"Always the same." Stacker whispers and rolls his eyes again when his back it turned towards the children.

Herc chuckles. "It will only get worse, I can promise you that."

"Thank you for the encouragement." Stacker replies dryly. "Do you have the keys?"

Keys. Sure. This is quite obviously Herc's truck, and since it looks like he came with the children, he must have the keys. Herc thinks for a moment where he'd put them, then he checks the key loop in the pocket of his boardies. Sure enough, there they are. Good thing that Stacker's dream takes place in such familiar surroundings.

Herc hands Stacker the keys and gets in on the passenger side. They drive through roads that are familiar, a long-ago memory of their road trip. They leave the main road and then Stacker follows a little dirt trail for a minute or two before a two-storey, Colonial-style house comes into view. It's painted a creamy white, with a low, wide annex to the left. Herc has to suppress a gasp. 

They have a house. A beautiful house with a view of the sea. Herc makes a real effort not to stare, he's supposed to already know his own house, after all. But he's enchanted, the place is just perfect. Stacker parks the pick-up next to a silver ute that seems to be Stacker's car, and Herc takes a moment to take a deep breath before he gets out of the car. Mako and Charlie are already waiting on the porch for Stacker to open the door, then they run inside. Herc grabs Charlie's surfboard and puts it down on the porch next to a longboard, then he leaves his thongs next to the array of adult and children's shoes beside the front door.

He can hear the banging of feet on the wooden stairs even before he's closed the door behind him. Herc walks slowly, taking in the interior of the house, of the home Stacker imagined for them. It's simple bit tasteful, with the undeniable chaotic touch that comes from having two young children. He can see notebooks and pens and books spread out on the dining room table that Herc instinctively knows he made himself. He has the feeling that he actually made a lot of the furniture in the house, from the aforementioned elegant but functional arrangement in the dining room to the comfortable looking couch and armchairs in the living room. The table seems to be made of driftwood, and it looks almost mythical. 

When Herc turns around, he spots a wooden picture frame standing on on side of the counter that separates the kitchen and the dining room. It's the frame he made for Stacker in 2022 as a Christmas gift. It's something he worked on for quite a while since quiet moments were rare during deployments. Herc smiles and traces his fingertips over the carved wood. The fact that it's in Stacker's dream tells him how much this gift means to Stacker, how much he cherishes it. 

The picture in the frame is different though, it doesn't show him and Stacker in their drivesuits. Instead there's Stacker with a maybe four-year-old Mako sitting on his shoulders, and Herc's carrying an equally young Charlie on his shoulders. They're standing high on a cliff with a long beach somewhere in the background. Herc recognises it as a spot in the Noosa National Park, it was where Stacker, Tamsin and he had their picnic in 2016. It's weird how memories come together in this dream, yet it all somehow makes sense.

Herc doesn't have much more time to observe his surroundings because Stacker calls him into the kitchen and they begin to make dinner. Well, it's really Herc who cooks, Stacker is still as untalented in the kitchen as Herc knows he really is. Funny how some things don't change, even in dreams.

Dinner is a lively affair. Charlie and Mako are busy discussing Jaeger specifics and pilots that Herc has never heard about. He's still not quite sure how the Jaegers and the Kaiju tie into this world. It's on his have-to-find-out-list, but for now he's content to just sit and enjoy the unexpected domestic peace. Stacker joins their discussion from time to time, and both children are more than eager to take up his thoughts and take them further. Seems they're not the only ones who still love Jaegers.

After Herc and Stacker spent some time checking the children's homework - Charlie and Mako are still as perfectionist as they are in reality - they both get permission to watch one of their favourite movies. Surprisingly there's no argument about what they'll watch, as Herc expected - it seems that they actually agree on what movies are the best. Only when Herc holds the DVD case in hand does he understand. There's a huge Kaiju printed on the front - looks like Mutavore - and a very impressive looking rendering of Striker Eureka.

So there are no Kaiju in this world. No _real_ Kaiju, anyway. They're just the stars of a very successful movie trilogy that Mako and Chuck and about several million others love to pieces. Jaegers aren't real either, they also belong to those movies, and Herc thinks that although he'd miss piloting Striker, this is the better alternative. It's almost like a peek into what the world could have been like, what _they_ could have been like, if the Kaiju hadn't been. 

It dawns on Herc what is going on. This is a vision Stacker's brain put together of all the good moments it could find, a mixture of Herc's and Stacker's memories, fused together to one big happy life that defies logic, time and possibility. And it's so easy to get lost in it. This is paradise, a place so perfect Herc never even imagined it. He knows it's a completely unrealistic scenario, but that doesn't make him love it any less.

Charlie and Mako cuddle up between Herc and Stacker on the couch and watch the movie with rapt attention, although Herc gathers that they already know the entire thing by heart. They comment on scenes and throw in the odd piece of expert knowledge, and Herc finds himself enjoy the movie quite a lot. He can see the parallels to reality, but it's still different enough to be interesting and surprising. Herc leans back and relaxed into the couch, Charlie cuddled up against him and Stacker's head resting on Herc's shoulder. Mako is snuggled into Stacker's arms, her legs folded underneath her, and she's biting her lip while her eyes are glued to the screen. This is what Herc remembers family movie nights being like when Angela was still alive. He smiles, content with the world, and rests his head on top of Stacker's. 

When the movie is over, it's time for the children to go to bed, and Herc sends them upstairs to brush their teeth and change into their pyjamas. Meanwhile he and Stacker clean up the kitchen. It's so domestic that Herc has to grin. He likes it.

Once they're done, Herc follows Stacker upstairs. Stacker enters the first room to the left, and Herc sees Mako cuddled up underneath the blankets on her bed. Her room is covered in blueprints of Jaegers, drawings she quite obviously made herself. They're really good, even if they're pencil drawings on huge pieces of paper, with notes and reference pictures taped here and there. Herc spots the plans that she must have been talking about on the beach earlier, blueprints of Gipsy with measurements and notes on what to pay attention to when carving the sculpture. 

Herc sits down on the edge of the bed and leans down to press a kiss to her temple. "Sleep well, Mako." 

"Night, Daddy." She replies, smiling. It makes Herc's heart clench again. He could get used to this. 

Stacker takes Herc's place on the edge of the bed when Herc gets up to go over to Charlie's room. When Herc enters, Charlie is sitting hunched over a book on his bed. There are posters of Striker and her pilots, of the actors who play Rangers in the movies. There are prints of all kinds of Jaegers taped to the wall, but Charlie quite obviously favours Striker Eureka, while Mako is rather fond of Gipsy Danger. Herc can't help smiling at that, at how Stacker kept their affiliation with their Jaegers even in his dream.

"Are you still up?" Herc asks and switches off the main light so that the little reading lamp on the bedside table is the only light source. 

Charlie looks up from the comic he was leafing through. He's in his pyjamas, his ginger hair ruffled and standing up in weird angles. "Just looking at Striker's latest fight. You know, the one against Leatherback."

"That's not exactly bedtime reading." Herc replies and takes the booklet to set it on the table. "Aren't you supposed to think about something nice and peaceful before going to sleep?"

"But Dad! Striker is so cool! When I'm older, I want to become a Jaeger pilot, too! I'll be a Ranger and then I'll pilot Striker!" Charlie says with the firm, sincere conviction that only children and drunks ever manage. 

Herc chuckles, because hey, that dream actually came true in his reality. "I'm sure you will. You've got all it take to make a great pilot."

It's nice how he can say that knowing it's the truth. Charlie's eyes sparkle and he flops down in his pillow with a smile. "I'm going to be the best pilot ever."

Herc smirks and leans down to tuck Charlie in. "That'll take a lot of work. And in order to be able to reach your goal, you have to be well rested. That's why it's time to sleep now."

"Okay." Charlie seems to see the logic behind that statement and cuddles deeper into the pillow. "Night, Dad!"

"Good night, Charlie." Herc has to swallow against the lump in his throat. It's been a long time since he's been in a situation like this, since his Chuck wanted him to tuck him in. Charlie closes his eyes and Herc leans in to press a kiss to his forehead. "Sleep well."

Charlie huffs and turns onto his side, the smile still on his lips. He'll probably dream of piloting Striker, Herc thinks with a smirk. He gets up from the bed just as Stacker comes in. He also bends down to kisses Charlie on the top of his head. Herc hears a mumbled "Good night, Pa", then Stacker switches off the reading lamp and quietly leaves the room with Herc.

Herc follows Stacker downstairs where they get a beer each, then Stacker switches off all the lights and opens the terrace doors wide to allow the cool evening breeze to enter the house. Herc sits down on the stairs of the back porch that faces the ocean and takes a sip of his beer. He's surprised when Stacker sits down between Herc's legs, one step further down, and leans back against Herc with a content sigh. It only takes Herc the fraction of a second to regain his composure, then he wraps his arms around Stacker's shoulders, the bottle dangling from his fingers.

"Now that's a perfect way to spend a Sunday evening." Stacker's voice is low, so quiet that Herc barely hears him. The smile is evident in his tone, and Herc chuckles.

"I can only agree." He replies equally quietly and leans in to nibble on Stacker's earlobe. Stacker lets his head fall to the side to grant him better access, and he actually melts even further into Herc's embrace in an almost boneless sprawl. It's rare for Stacker to let go like this, and Herc has always loved it. It's a sign of trust, and it shows that Stacker feels completely comfortable and safe. 

For a long time Herc just breathes in Stacker's scent and from time to time gently bites his neck or earlobe. It's peaceful and comfortable to be so close and to just enjoy each other's presence. It's a luxury they rarely have in reality, and Herc takes a profound pleasure in it. Only when they've both long finished their beer and the moon is standing high in the sky do they get up to go to bed. Herc closes the downstairs windows and then joins Stacker in the bathroom to brush his teeth. He finds a pair of boxer briefs on his side of the bed, worn and soft by age, and they fit him perfectly. He slips under the covers and wraps himself around Stacker, arms and legs and all, and smiles when he hears Stacker sigh contently.

Herc closes his eyes, pulls Stacker closer and buries his nose in his hair. He takes a deep breath, enjoys Stacker's scent and feels sleep slowly take hold of him.

Oh yes, he could really get used to this.

 

*** 

 

"Isn't this becoming dangerous?" Chuck can't help being worried, his dad's been under for over ten hours by now. A new thought pops up in his mind and makes him frown. "He's not in a coma as well, is he?"

"No, he isn't." Doc Lightcap shakes her head while pointing at some readings on a screen that seem to underline her statement, but Chuck doesn't know what they mean. "He's just drifting with Pentecost. We could pull him out at any moment if we cut the connection, but I'm sure it would do more harm then good. He needs to come out of the drift by himself, just like you did."

"If you say so." Chuck isn't convinced, but he does see her point and he trusts her judgement. He certainly wouldn't have wanted anybody to pull him out of the drift when he met Yancy. That could have ended badly. 

Chuck turns to look at the motionless figure of his dad who's lying on one of the hospital beds that the crew of the drift research labs sneaked off the med bay. His old man actually doesn't look too bad, he seems peaceful and Chuck is sure he even saw him smile a few times, but it still makes him feel uneasy that he's been in the drift for so long.

Chuck grits his teeth. There's nothing he can do but wait. Again. He hates waiting.

Hopefully his dad is okay in there.

 

*** 

 

Over the next days, Herc finds himself fall easily into the routine of their life in Noosa. Mako and Charlie ride their bikes to school, and Herc chuckles when he sees them wearing the hideous school uniform he remembers from Chuck's primary school in Sydney. Stacker must have tapped into his memory for those, and it's quite amusing. The uniforms look like something straight out of a fifties movie, and Herc finds them as horrible as he did in reality. Mako and Charlie don't seem to mind them, though.

On Monday morning Herc learns that Stacker is the head of the local fire department, and Tamsin is his second in command. Luna seems to be a police officer, if Herc picked that up correctly. Herc himself generally spends more time in his workshop than he does on construction sites. He's quite amazed to find out that he actually has three employees, among them an apprentice he remembers from his grandfather's business, a guy from his own unit in the RAAF, and Maggie the J-Tech from Kodiak Island. This dream really defies any logic, but it also makes sense in an odd way. The four of them work together like a well-oiled machine, with Maggie taking on a big chunk of the construction sites and Herc doing a lot of the fine works in the workshop along with the dreaded paperwork. 

Time passes quickly and Herc finds himself forgetting about reality more and more. There are times when he doesn't notice anymore that this is a dream, and he doesn't miss his reality. He doesn't miss the pain, the wasted opportunities, the mistakes made on all sides, the stress and the tension. Charlie's smiles and Mako's easy laughter are too good to give up, and Stacker's gentle touches make him feel at home in a way he had almost forgotten. And then there are Luna's freely given hugs and Tamsin's friendly nudges and the easy banter, and Herc knows this could be home. He loves it that Tamsin and Luna come by so often, eat dinner with them or take Charlie and Mako out to the beach for surfing and kayaking. This is how he would have loved to live.

It's on Friday evening, when Herc's sitting on the steps of the back porch again with a beer in his hand, that he first thinks about the fact that he has absolutely no idea how long he's already in this drift. He's reasonably sure that it's quite a while, and he wonders what consequences it has on his body. He can't stay here forever, even if he'd like to, he knows that. Everybody back in reality relies on him to find out what's going on with Stacker, and they expect him to come back to them. He can't escape into this world, never mind that he loves it and doesn't want to give it up. He has responsibilities, after all.

Herc leans against the handrail and lets his breath escape in a deep sigh. He's watching Charlie and Mako play badminton down on the beach, and it makes him smile. As far as he can tell, Mako is kicking Charlie's arse, and the boy doesn't like it at all. Well, he'd better get focussed, or she's going to win. 

Herc closes his eyes and tries to picture his Chuck and Mako, their adult selves, play badminton. He can't, and it makes him sad beyond words. He opens his eyes and sighs again.

"What are you brooding about?" Stacker asks from somewhere behind him before he sits down in Herc's back and pulls him close. For a moment Herc feels as if the breath is squeezed out of him by the sheer pain of the knowledge that he'll never be able to share this life with Stacker _for real_. That it's nothing but a fantasy, a fantasy that he finds he wants _so much_ to be true.

"Nothing. Just thinking." Herc replies quietly after a second or two that he needs to regain his composure. He doesn't want to tell Stacker that this isn't real. It's right then that he knows that he doesn't have the heart to destroy this beautiful world that Stacker dreamed up. It may never be real for Herc, but it's real for Stacker, right now, right here, and that's a precious gift that Herc would never destroy. He's generally for telling the truth, but not when it causes more pain than good. In this case, it wouldn't do any good, it would _only_ cause pain. It's not worth it.

"Thinking about what?" Stacker rests his chin on Herc's shoulder. His warmth against Herc's back feels comfortable and cosy, and Herc wishes they had more time for moments like this in reality.

"How quickly time passes. How much things change." Herc replies after a moment of silence, then he slowly nods in the direction of Mako and Charlie. "Look at them now, they're young and innocent. But how quickly can that be destroyed? How quickly will they grow up - we turn around just once and suddenly find that their childhood is already over? That we missed it?"

Stacker is quiet for a long time, he's obviously thinking about what Herc just said. His hands are drawing a mindless pattern on the fabric of Herc's t-shirt where they're wrapped loosely around his waist, and Herc finds it somehow soothing. "You're right, time passes quickly. But I think we're doing the right thing by spending as much time with our children as we can, by making sure that they know we love them. The best we can do for them is to give them roots as well as wings. Make sure they're strong, decent people who do what's right."

"True." Herc leans back against Stacker and lets his head fall back until it comes to rest on Stacker's shoulder. "Maybe I'm just afraid that they'll grow up faster than I'm ready to let them go."

"You're not the only one." Stacker admits, his voice heavy with something that could be sadness as well as resignation. "But that's the job parents have to do. Allow their children to grow and let them go when they're ready, never mind if we are."

Herc doesn't reply because he has no words. What Stacker said is absolutely true, and he's known it for a long time, but that doesn't make it any easier. Having this second chance with Charlie made Herc think about what he can do to make things right with his Chuck. A first step would probably be to actually wake up from this drift at some point, Herc thinks with a tinge of self-deprecation.

"We'll make do, Herc." Stacker continues after a long moment of silence. "We always do."

"I know." Herc settles his hands over Stacker's that are still wrapped around his middle and entwines their fingers. There's this urge to be close to Stacker, as close as he can possibly be.

"I love you, you know that?" Stacker breathes into his ear, his voice dark and rough in that way that Herc loves so much, and then his lips press a gentle kiss to the skin behind Herc's ear. Herc squeezes his eyes shut and forces his breath to stay even, to not betray his inner turmoil.

Oh god, he doesn't want to leave here. He doesn't care if it's real or if it's just imagined, he'd take this world over reality any time. It's a chance to do things better, to never make all those mistakes he made with Chuck the first time round. It's a chance to have a family again, with Stacker, Charlie and Mako, and Tamsin and Luna who he's grown really fond of even after this short time. 

It's a chance to be happy.

But it's not real. And he'll hurt Chuck, _his Chuck_ , so much if he gets lost in this drift. And Mako too. He'd be taking their parents from them again, after they'd just lost and found them. He would cause grief, so much grief and pain. It would be selfish, and Herc is sure that he'll kill himself and Stacker in the process. Nobody can survive in a drift forever. 

"It's time for me to wake up." Herc says firmly and turns so that he can look Stacker in the eye. He has a point to make. "Promise me that you'll follow me when you're ready."

"I promise." There's something like understanding in Stacker's eyes, but Herc is not sure how much he really gets. It's enough to understand that this is important, and Herc knows Stacker won't break his word, not even when he's dreaming. 

And just like that reality washes over him like a wave. Herc's eyes snap open and he takes a deep breath. The air smells wrong, artificial and oily, not like the sand and the ocean. The sounds are the buzzing of electronics and the voices of people instead of the gentle rush of the waves on the beach and the screams of the seagulls. It brings Herc back into the here and now faster than anything else could have. 

"Herc, are you okay?" Caitlin asks from where she's standing next to the bed, her gaze worried as well as relieved.

Herc finds that his throat is raw and his voice is not quite working, so he just nods.

"Ready to disengage neural handshake?" Newt shouts over from somewhere out of Herc's range of vision, and Herc nods again. Only a second later he feels the bridge disappear, the connection shifting from the clarity of the drift to the much more muted feeling of the ghost drift. Stacker is still there, steady and strong, and it calms Herc.

Caitlin hands Herc a glass of water, and he downs half of it in one go before he feels capable of speaking. "How long was I out?"

"Almost sixteen hours." Caitlin replies and takes the glass from him. "How do you feel?"

Herc takes a moment to think about that because he's not quite sure. "Exhausted, but otherwise I'm fine."

It's not quite true. He's exhausted, yes, but he's also hurting somewhere deep inside. He needs to be alone, he needs time to think. He wants to get out of the lab as quickly as possible, he can't face their questions right now. Yet he knows that he'll have to give at least a minimum of information, or Caitlin and Newton will follow him to make sure he's okay. Or worse, they'll send Mako or Chuck.

"How is Stacker?" Caitlin eyes him attentively, and Herc is sure she knows something is up.

"He's all right." Herc can't keep his gaze from flickering over to Stacker's still form. He feels his insides clench, and the memories of the drift dream threaten to overwhelm him. Herc takes a deep breath, trying to get a grip on his emotions. "Let him take a bit more time. He's in a good place. He'll come back when he's ready."

Caitlin nods, the expression in her eyes curious but also understanding. "Why don't you rest for a while and come back afterwards to tell us about your drift? I'm sure it's easier when you've had a moment to recharge."

"What? But-" Newton starts to protest, but Caitlin cuts him off resolutely. 

"Later is fine. We have enough data to process for now, we can keep busy for a few hours." Her tone is sharp, and even Newton seems to get that she won't tolerate one more word of protest. 

Herc is incredibly grateful for her insight, and he smiles at her, willing her to see his gratitude. "Thanks, Caitlin. I'll be back in a few hours."

Her hand comes up and gently squeezes his shoulder. "Take all the time you need. We're here whenever you're ready."

Herc nods and gets up off the hospital bed. Caitlin takes the squiddy and the sensors off and then pushes him towards the exit. Herc resists, looking back at Stacker. Caitlin just gives him a smile. "Don't worry, Herc, he's fine. I'll take care of him, he'll get back to the med bay right away."

Herc hesitates for another moment, then he thanks her again and hurries out of the lab. He feels like he's about to explode with all the bottled-up tension. He just so makes it to the office that's really Stacker's. When the door closes behind him, Herc bends over as if in pain, his breath shudders and he has to squeeze his eyes shut against the tears he feels burning. It's like a punch to his stomach. He feels like he really lost them, Charlie, Stacker, Mako, Tamsin, Luna. Their life, their home, their family. 

He hurts so badly, for all the things he saw Stacker secretly long for and that he will never get. Simple but impossible things that tell him so much more about Stacker than he already knew. Herc feels like he got to see a side of Stacker that Stacker himself might not even consciously know, because he never allows himself to want those things. Because he's too much of a realist, because he doesn't chase dreams that are impossible. 

Luna is dead. Tamsin is dead. They will never return. Mako and Chuck are how the world made them, they can never have the happy childhood Stacker wishes for them, that time has long since passed. There's no sense in hoping for it.

But still, Stacker wants it. Wants it so much that the scenario his mind made up for him to heal in is exactly that impossible world. And he won't even remember it.

The pain is so intense that Herc has to lean heavily against the wall to not end up on the floor. It was just a dream, he tells himself again and again, but that doesn't help at all. He remembers it as clearly as if it was real, and he can't believe that he'll be the only one to remember it. He can't believe that neither Chuck nor Mako will know that world, and that Stacker will have forgotten about it as soon as he wakes. The pain of knowing that this perfect world will be lost is almost unbearable. He will be the only one to remember it, and he doesn't know how to deal with that.

The one thing he's sure of is that he can't go back, that he won't drift with Stacker again until he wakes. Partly because he's afraid that the next time he drifts with Stacker, the dream might be a different one. The other, much bigger part of him fears that he won't be able to let go if he gets to live in that perfect world again. That he won't want to wake up. He's not entirely sure what that means for the drift, but he's certain it would be fatal. He can't take that risks. He's not only endangering his own life, after all.

He should be grateful that he got a glimpse of this beautiful world, he should not mourn it. He got to meet Charlie again, the little boy he lost with Angie's death, and for a short time he had Mako as a daughter. He was given time with Tamsin who he's missed for years, and he had the chance to meet Luna. He was allowed to see Stacker happy and relaxed, to feel what it would have been like to have a family with him. A real family that's not split and hurt by the Kaiju. It's a gift, and he will treasure it. 

Herc takes a deep breath, trying to rein in the pain that's still churning in his stomach. Then he rises, pushes away from the wall he's been leaning against. He wipes his hand across if face, and his fingers come away dry. He straightens, falls back into the comforting routine of the Ranger that has served him well for so long. 

Now the time for dreams is over, he has duties to fulfil. Stacker trusts him to be a good Marshal, so that's what he'll do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, this fic is long, even by my standards. Much love and effort went into it (while I'm actually moving from one side of the country to the other), so you'd make me very happy with a wee comment! Thanks ^_^


	33. Agony Aunt (Chuck/Raleigh, Mako & Chuck, Mako & Raleigh)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mako takes care of Chuck, Raleigh and their utter mess of hurt feelings and misunderstandings. It's quite a challenge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place parallel to "In a Perfect World..."

_Hong Kong Shatterdome, 18th January 2025_

"...three..."

Mako watches Hansen-san close his eyes, and she's amazed how, now that she herself has drifted with somebody, she knows exactly what he's doing. How he's synchronising his breathing with Sensei, how he clears his mind so that it's free for the neural handshake, how he concentrates only on his drift partner. 

"...two..."

It's something she never quite understood before. Sure, she knew in theory what pilots did before engaging in the neural handshake, she had read all about it. But it's different now because she can feel it instead of just hearing the recounts of other people's experiences in her mind. She has her own memories to draw from.

"...one..."

It's in moments like this that she misses drifting with a vigour that nearly overwhelms her. She never really realised how truly lonely she was before she drifted with Raleigh. She likes being alone, don't get her wrong, but there's a huge difference between being alone and being lonely. Mako knows she's not very outgoing, and her devotion to her work takes priority over her private life. It always did, especially after Tokyo. Even as a child she knew on some fundamental level that Sensei cared for her and would always be there for her, but they both weren't the type for physical closeness. Only Tamsin-san ever managed to just wipe away all of Mako's deeply ingrained reserved behaviour by just engulfing her in a heartfelt hug or tickle her or just being close. It was Tamsin-san's nature to be physical, it came as easily to her as breathing, and she never let Mako's shyness get in the way of some heartfelt physical affection. 

Little Mako had loved it. It was a warmth and a kind of comfort that she missed terribly since her parents' death. Especially her mother's little caresses and warm smiles and comfortable hugs were something she craved with an almost painful longing. Tamsin-san gave her some of it, and it made her feel at home again. It was one of the reasons why Tamsin-san's death hit her so hard. 

Drifting with Raleigh had brought a kind of different closeness. It wasn't physical as much as mental, but no less comforting and warm and intense. To drift with somebody as sincere and caring as Raleigh is like feeling engulfed in a loving embrace. It's why they got along so well after that first drift, because somehow they both cared profoundly about each other and sharing their minds and memories had brought them close in a way Mako has never been with anybody else. Seeing, no, experiencing Yancy's death with Raleigh's agony tingeing the memory was so overwhelming that it caused her to chase the rabbit, but it also made her understand him in a way that words never could have achieved. She feels that it's true the other way round, too. Raleigh living through the worst day of her life with her is, in a strange way, a relief. As if there's finally somebody who really understands her. 

"He's in. Neural handshake strong and holding." Dr Geizler's words interrupt Mako's thoughts and make her return to the present. She notices that she's been staring at Hansen-san who is now lying perfectly still on the bed, his expression relaxed. She wonders where he is right now, what he's seeing. Her gaze wanders to Sensei who looks just as peaceful. What world might Sensei be in right now? Is he dreaming? She tries to imagine what he would dream about, but she finds it difficult to say. 

"Do you have any idea how long the drift will last?" Mako asks nobody in particular.

"That is impossible to say." Dr Lightcap replies while checking some data on one of the screens. Mako can see a diagram of two sets of brainwaves. "Chuck's drift with Becket was rather short with some forty odd minutes, but I'm not sure we can take that as a reference since the situation was different due to Yancy controlling the drift."

"We'll monitor them, but in the end it's not us who'll end the drift." Dr Geizler is also looking at some screens, but he's on the opposite side of the machine so Mako can't see what they show. "As we've said before, it's too risky to interrupt the drift from the outside. We'll wait for Hansen to come out of it on his own."

"There's nothing we can do but wait and observe, Ranger Mori." Dr Lightcap says and smiles reassuringly. "We'll keep you updated. If anything happens, you'll be the first to know."

Mako gives a little bow and returns the smile before she leaves. She has known Dr Lightcap since she first came to live with Sensei, and she has always liked her. She has utter confidence in Dr Lightcap's skills, and there is nothing Mako can do for Hansen-san right now. He's in good hands, and so is Sensei. Now it's time to find Chuck to make sure he's not on a dangerous downward spiral.

As soon as Mako is out of the lab, she writes a quick note to Tendo-san to let him know that he can contact her if anything comes up, but she'll need some time to deal with a difficult situation between two Rangers. He probably knows already what she's referring to. Mako is always amazed at how quickly news travel in the Shatterdome, and Tendo-san always seems to be the first one to know. His networking skills are indeed impressive, which is one of the reasons why he's the best LOCCENT officer she knows. When she first set foot in a mission control centre as a child, Sensei explained to her that LOCCENT needs to see and know everything in order to make the right decisions. Tendo-san certainly fulfils that requirement.

Tendo-san replies quickly and lets her know that things are going smoothly at the moment, and that she should take all the time it takes to sort out those Ranger problems. Mako decides to check the med bay first. If Chuck is okay, then she'll find him there with Raleigh, and things might not be as bad as they seem. She doesn't expect that to be the case, though.

True to her inkling, Chuck is not in the med bay. Mako peeks into Raleigh's room and finds him asleep in his bed. He has curled up under the blankets in a way that makes him look vulnerable, lost and hurt. Although all the tubes she remembers are gone, he looks worse than he did back then. He's clearly not okay, and Mako has to fight the urge to go in and comfort him, just letting him know that he's not alone. She still feels protective of him, as she did ever since their first drift, but she knows there's nothing she can say to make things better, especially not before she has spoken to Chuck to find out what's actually going on. She needs answers before she can be of any help to either of them, so Mako makes sure to close the door silently as to not disturb Raleigh's not so peaceful sleep.

Since Chuck is not with Raleigh, he's either in the quarters he shares with his father or in the kwoon. Mako knows that if there were any Jaegers left, Chuck would be in the Jaeger bay tinkering with them, doing some repair work or just straight up maintenance. It has the same calming effect on him as on Mako, being with a Jaeger, feeling its wires, plates and circuits, working on its insides. She misses it with a fierce intensity, especially when she's restless, stressed or upset. She can't wait for the new models to come out, although she knows that they're month away from the stage where she can actually tinker with anything.

Since there are no Jaegers left, though, Chuck will take to the kwoon. They may not have spent much time together in the past few years, but Mako still knows Chuck. He's hurt, and he's probably angry, so she's sure that he's not in his quarters. Chuck gets restless when he's upset, so he'll try to burn that energy, and the only place to do that right now is the kwoon. He's not the type to silently sit in his room and mope, no, he'll rather attack anyone and anything that moves. Mako hopes he hasn't aggravated his injuries in the course. 

Mako checks if her assumption is correct - one quick look and she's sure that Chuck is indeed in the kwoon. He's on the mats, going through a set of the fifty-two positions of the Jaeger Bushido, and Mako is secretly relieved that he hasn't provoked anybody into a brawl yet. She knows she can't just go in and ask him what's up, he'll never reply. He'll only clam up, and that's something she definitely needs to avoid. For a moment Mako stands in the hallway in front of the kwoon and thinks about how she can get to him best, then she turns on her heel and hurries to her quarters.

Mako quickly and efficiently puts on her training gear and her shoes and grabs a bottle of water before she heads back to the kwoon. She'll engage Chuck, because that's what he wants right now, he needs to blow off some steam and she's a good partner for that. On top of that, she can make sure that he doesn't hurt himself too much while burning off his anger and hurt. She knows he wants the physical pain right now, but she'll keep him from overdoing it.

Mako finds that she's actually looking forward to a good, exhausting training session, something to clear her mind and get rid of the stress of the past week. Forget the press, forget the UN, forget that Sensei is still in coma. Just live in the moment and concentrate on the burning of her muscles. She didn't have much time for training since the double event, too many other things had absolute priority. Maybe she can even do Chuck _and_ herself some good with this.

The kwoon isn't very busy, just like Mako expected. It's about an hour before the mess hall opens for lunch and apart from regular training sessions, nobody uses it at this time of the day. Chuck is still on the mats, and Mako watches him finish a sequence of movements while she takes off her boots and places them neatly them under a bench. His every motion is precise and perfectly timed, the flow elegant and beautiful to watch. She can't help noticing that Chuck is favouring his right arm, though. Not that Mako is surprised, the burns have to hurt badly. There's a fresh-looking bandage covering his arm, the bright white a stark contrast to his flushed face. He must have been at it for quite a while to work up that colour. 

Mako grabs two hanbōs on her way to the mats and throws one to Chuck when she's almost in front of him. True to his training his reflexes are excellent and he catches the stick without a problem, just like Mako knew he would. He looks surprised for about two seconds, then he gives her a grin and takes up position with is right hand securely behind his back. Mako smirks, of course he's going to play fair considering that she can't use her left arm that's still in a sling. Neither of them will use their injured limbs in this fight, then. 

Chuck doesn't hold back. He's attacking as soon as Mako has assumed the basic stance, and she evades with the ease of years of practice. They're in a fast and aggressive fight within seconds, and Mako enjoys it immensely. It's been a while since she fought one-handed, but she is glad to find that her muscle memory returns quickly. She manages to score the first point with a hit that she stops right before it impacts with Chuck's exposed right side.

She smirks and return to the her side of the mats. "One-zero."

Chuck grumbles and takes his position on the opposite end. This time it's Mako who attacks first, and Chuck blocks her blows before going on the offensive. They've sparred together before, many times, in fact, and they both know each other's strengths and weaknesses. Mako finds that it makes the whole fight even more interesting, because they have to make a much bigger effort to score than when fighting a stranger. Within minutes Mako feels the sweat running down her back, and she takes profound pleasure in the way her muscles burn. Chuck scores once, then she manages to get him again. 

She wonders briefly what it's like to fight with your perfect match, how incredible it must feel to be so in sync with your partner that neither ever manages to score. She has seen it as a spectator several times, the Kaidonovskys, Sensei and Hansen-san, and most recently Chuck and Raleigh. It always fascinates her how their fight is almost a dance, and how fast and precise both partners move. There's a beauty to the sparring of a perfect match that always makes goosebumps spread all over her skin. It's almost magical.

That train of thought brings her back to the actual reason she came to the kwoon. She decides that now is as good a time as any other, and she opts for the direct approach. Beating around the bush never worked well with Chuck. "Why are you not with Raleigh?"

Chuck doesn't reply, instead he doubles his effort to beat her. His blows are less precise than they were before, which tells Mako loud and clear that she hit a nerve. Things are really as bad as she expected, then. "Chuck-kun, what's wrong?"

"What's wrong? He shut me out, that's wrong!" Chuck explodes and goes for her weaker left side. "The bastard cut off our ghost drift!"

"He did _what_?" Mako is so surprised at hearing this that Chuck actually manages to score a point. He stops his hanbō just a centimetre short of the side of her neck, a blow that would have ended a real fight once and for all, especially considering the force behind Chuck's blow. It's a testament to his skill that he's able to stop the hit at any moment without the slightest effort. 

"Two-two. When I told him about Yancy, he threw up quite impressive mental shields." Chuck retreats and takes up position again. His voice is seemingly casual, but Mako hears the frustration underneath the calm veneer. "I almost can't feel him at all. I can tell you that he's alive, but that's about it."

For a moment Mako is incredibly angry with Raleigh for doing that, especially considering that she knows what it did to Chuck when he lost the connection to Raleigh the last time. When Raleigh died, even if it was temporary. Mako wonders if a good deal of Chuck's anger is a manifestation of fear, because he feels like he did on that escape pod in the middle of the ocean - hurt and desperate and utterly helpless. Just that back then, it wasn't Raleigh's fault. 

Now it is.

Mako mirrors Chuck's position and makes a point of holding his gaze. "Have you talked to him?"

Chuck just snorts. "Yeah, sure, as if that's going to do any good. He basically kicked me out of his room and hasn't made any attempt to talk to me since. I'm not stupid, I get the message. If he wants to be left alone, fine! I'm not going to chase him!"

He jumps forward and aims for her head. Mako blocks it, but it's just the beginning of a quick succession of attacks. His pent up anger makes him sloppy, though, just as it always did, and Mako uses that to go for his left leg. She executes a one-handed version of the move that brought down Raleigh in their trial, and it works on Chuck just as well. Sensei taught her a few nice tricks.

"You have to talk to him, Chuck-kun." Mako doesn't ease off when she has Chuck on his back underneath her, instead she keeps his leg in a tight lock to force him to listen to her, never mind that the grip hurts terribly in her broken collarbone. "He's hurting, and he's lost and shaken. You know how much of a sore spot Yancy is for him. It's no excuse for cutting you off, but I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt you. You have to talk to him."

"No." Chuck averts his gaze, a frown on his face. Mako can almost feel how hurt, fear, stubbornness and pride fuse together into a tight knot in Chuck's chest. "He knows where to find me. He kicked me out, so he if he wants something, _he_ can come to _me_."

"Chuck-kun, this is not the time to hold a grudge." Mako has to fight the urge to shake him until he's thinking clearly again. She lets go of his leg, but Chuck makes no move to get up. "Raleigh needs you."

"He made it pretty clear that he doesn't." Chuck glares at her, but she knows it's not actually directed at her. She can hear underneath the anger how much Raleigh shutting him out hurt him, and she's sure it's hitting all the wrong cords. His fear of rejection, of losing those he loves, of being alone again, of failing another person he cares for. And yet he won't do what it takes to keep what he wants. Mako mentally sighs and wonders how she can get him to see reason and to swallow his pride for once.

"Chuck-kun-"

"Leave it, Mako." Chuck pushes her off, gets up and throws the hanbō back on the rack before he leaves the kwoon in an angry stride. Mako stares after him and catches his left hand passing over the bandage on his right arm. He's not rubbing as if to ease fresh pain or an itch, instead the touch is light and almost reverent. It's an unconscious gesture, and Mako can't help noticing it. It says so much more than any words. She knows what's under the bandage, and what it stands for. She knows that Raleigh has the exact same pattern on his own arm. Mako sighs for real, loud and full of frustration, and gets up off the mats just as Chuck rounds the corner and disappears from view. 

Stubborn idiot.

She returns her own hanbō to the rack and straightens Chuck's that is almost falling off, then she walks over to the bench where she left her shoes and the water bottle. She drinks half of the water, then she puts on her boots and leaves the kwoon. Chuck is one of the most frustrating people she has ever met. At least she knows now what made him run. Well, if Chuck won't see reason, she'll go after Raleigh. She knows Chuck is hurt and feels rejected, he won't make the first step to make things right. Maybe Raleigh will, especially considering that it's partly his fault that Chuck ran in the first place.

Mako grabs a quick shower and changes into fresh clothes. She can't help being worried about Chuck, so she contacts Tendo-san who lets her know that Chuck seems to be in the quarters he shares with his father. At least he didn't run off or did something stupid like getting into a fight with somebody. She should probably be grateful for that, she played a part in making him even more upset, after all.

When Mako gets to the med bay some five minutes later, Raleigh is not there. The bed is unmade, the sheets rumpled and the pillow still shows the imprint of Raleigh's head. She knows he wasn't released yet, and she's sure he's not supposed to wander off on his own. Mako can't say that she's surprised, though, in light of the recent development with Yancy and the ensuing conflict with Chuck. 

She finds Raleigh where she expects him to be. He's sitting on the platform overlooking the Jaeger bay, the one where she sat with him after their first drift gone wrong, watching the maintenance works of Gipsy. Now the bay is empty, and it's a stark reminder of how much things have changed.

Raleigh is hunched over, his legs dangling from the platform, and his inner turmoil is radiating off him in waves. Mako knows that if she still shared even a flicker of a ghost drift with him, she'd probably be almost overwhelmed by the intensity of his pain right now. In that moment she wonders if maybe Raleigh cut Chuck off to protect him, because as a perfect match the connection has to be even stronger. Maybe he didn't want to overwhelm Chuck with all of his inner chaos before he had a chance to sort through it on his own first.

Mako approaches carefully, making sure that Raleigh hears her, before she sits down on the platform next to him. For a full minute Raleigh doesn't react at all to her presence, he's still staring into nothingness, lost in a world of pain, regret and fear. Mako knows exactly what he's feeling because she has been there, in his memories, she experienced them, knows what the loss of Yancy did to Raleigh. 

She's generally not a very physical person, but she knows that Raleigh is, so Mako skirts closer until she's pressed against his side, then she wraps an arm around his shoulders. It's as if the tension suddenly leaves Raleigh's body and he sags down, resting his head on her shoulder. He doesn't say a word, and neither does Mako. She's just there, because that's what he needs right now, a shoulder to lean against while he's down. 

The silence in the Jaeger bay is almost absolute. Since Operation Pitfall, there's no need for the bay anymore, and it still feels wrong to see it so devoid of its usual activity. Mako does nothing to break the silence. It's not uncomfortable, and she knows that Raleigh will talk whenever he's ready. 

It's almost ten minutes before Raleigh says something, and his voice is rough and breaking around the edges. He doesn't raise his head, and his words are so quiet that Mako almost doesn't hear them. "I tried to talk to him. Yancy, you know." 

There's a moment of silence, then he continues. "I've done it many times. In Alaska, in the hospital after they found me. When I was working on the Wall. I never thought he'd really hear me, though." 

He falls silent again, as if he has to order his thoughts. "And now I learn that he did, always did, but I never knew. And I still don't really know. I can't feel him. I can't hear him. I never could."

Frustration and betrayal are colouring his words, and Mako bites her lip. He's not done yet, and she won't interrupt him. Yet she feels his pain, wishes she could do something to make it better.

"Chuck talked to him. I know that he's saying the truth, I could feel it over the ghost drift." Raleigh raises his head and looks at her, and there are unshed tears glistering in his eyes, tears of pain, of hurt, of anger and frustration. "Why can he talk to Yancy and I can't? If Yancy is in my mind, shouldn't I be able to communicate with him? Somehow?"

Mako has been waiting for that question the entire time. She has an answer for him, even if it may not be satisfying. She makes sure to catch his gaze, willing him to understand. "It's not specific to Chuck, Raleigh. If I were to drift with you while you're unconscious, I could talk to Yancy too. It's a twist in how the drift works, and it's something we just learned about yesterday."

Raleigh doesn't look entirely convinced, and Mako decides to push a bit more. "Hansen-san is drifting with Sensei at the moment, same as you and Chuck did yesterday. I was there this morning when they initiated the drift, and I spoke with Dr Lightcap and Dr Geiszler. It seems to be the fact that you're unconscious that makes it possible for Yancy to communicate. It doesn't matter who your drift partner is."

Raleigh is quiet for a long time. "Will I ever be able to talk to him?"

"I don't know, Raleigh." It pains Mako to say that, but she won't lie to him. "It's a situation that hasn't come up before. But you have Dr Lightcap, Dr Geiszler and Dr Gottlieb working on it, some of the best minds and leading experts in the field. You never know what they come up with. I think you should not give up hope just yet."

Raleigh nods after a moment of thinking about what she said, then he lets his head fall back to Mako's shoulder. "I just want to see him again. I want that so badly."

Mako gently pulls him closer. "I know."

"The way he..." Raleigh doesn't finish the sentence, just like he never does, Mako has noticed. He never says that Yancy died, as if he just can't manage to form those words. He thinks them, she knows that from their drifts, but he never says them. "It came so suddenly, and there's so much I never told him... I know he knows it all, that's what drifting it for, after all, but still..."

Raleigh falls silent again, but Mako knows he's not done yet. He's been going over all those things in his mind for the past day, and now he needs to say them. The best thing she can do for him right now is to just be there and listen.

"Chuck said that Yancy sees what I see, knows what I know. I tried to imagine if our roles were inverse, what it would be like to be stuck inside his head, to have to watch him suffer without being able to do a thing. Without the chance of letting him know that I'm still there." Against her shoulder, Mako feels Raleigh grit his teeth. "It sound a lot like torture. And I'm the one doing it to him."

A shiver runs down Mako's back. She never looked at it like that, and she knows it's important to get that twisted notion out of Raleigh's head that he's hurting Yancy on purpose. She turns and takes hold of his face, forcing him to look at her. "That is not true, Raleigh. You had no influence whatsoever on what happened. You did not know that Yancy was there, you can't take the blame for something that is not your fault."

Raleigh's lips are pressed into a thin line, and there's a frown on his face. He's not believing it, he still blames himself. Mako decides that it's time to haul out the big guns, she can't let that misconception stand. "I may only know Yancy from your memories, Raleigh, but I'm sure he would personally kick you in the head for thinking that."

Raleigh swallows hard, and that tells Mako that her words have at least some effect. Good.

"I just really miss him. Still. Even after five years." Raleigh's words are laden with hurt and guilt. "And I can't help feeling betrayed that Chuck got to talk to Yancy, got to see him, and I didn't. Especially considering that it all took place in my own mind and I don't remember anything."

It's then that Mako realises that Raleigh probably has no idea what he did to Chuck. "Raleigh, are you aware that you are blocking the ghost drift for Chuck?"

Raleigh just looks confused. He quite obviously didn't know. "What?"

It pains Mako to think how much those two manage to hurt each other without even being aware of what they're doing, especially considering that they're already sharing something as intense as a perfect match connection. "You threw up your mental shields when Chuck told you about Yancy. You effectively cut off the ghost drift for him. He told me that he almost can't feel you at all."

Raleigh still looks confused. Mako guesses that he hasn't even realised, he was too busy drowning in his own pain to notice anything else. Mako decides not to say anything else on the matter, instead she will let Raleigh come to the necessary realisation himself. With a bit of help.

"I have got something for you. For your collection." Mako reaches into the breast pocket of her J-Tech overall, feels the smooth surface of the paper underneath her fingers and slowly pulls it out. She doesn't need to look at the photo to know what it depicts, she has memorised it already. 

It shows the room in the med bay that Raleigh is staying in, and there's actually sunlight filtering through the skylight, bathing the bed in a warm glow. Raleigh is lying under the sheets, obviously asleep, but there are no tubes attached to him anymore. Chuck is lying next to him, his bandaged right arm wrapped around Raleigh's waist and his legs entangled with Raleigh's. His head is resting on Raleigh's shoulder, his nose nuzzled against his neck, and there's a little smile on his lips. Raleigh's hand is buried in Chuck's messy ginger hair, and it almost seems like Chuck is leaning into the touch. He's clearly asleep as well, and he looks incredibly comfortable and at peace. 

Mako took that picture just early yesterday morning, and she loves it. It's a moment caught on film, just like that picture of Sensei and Hansen-san on the beach that Tamsin-san took years ago. Chuck and Raleigh are her family, and she likes to have happy moments of her family to look at. They never fail to make her smile.

"What's that?" Raleigh asks as he accepts the picture. He freezes when he looks at it, staring with an expression of surprise that slowly turns into understanding and then shock. Mako watches him, glad to see that he gets what she's trying to tell him.

"Mako..." Raleigh is biting his bottom lip, and she can tell that he understands. "Oh god, what did I do?"

Mako just smiles at him and gently nudges his shoulder. "He's in his quarters."

Raleigh hesitates only for the fraction of a second, then he gets up, slower than he usually would. It's a tribute to his injuries still interfering with his ability to move. He's pointedly avoiding to put any strain on his left arm or shoulder, holding onto the railing with the right instead. He's reasonably steady, but Mako knows he's still a long way from being back to one hundred percent. She doesn't like seeing him like this. It doesn't seem right that he's suffering like that, no matter that he hasn't complained once.

When he's standing next to her, Raleigh touches her uninjured right shoulder and gives a gentle squeeze. "Thank you, Mako."

Mako inclines her head and smiles. Then she turns serious, it's probably a good idea to give him a fair warning about Chuck's condition. "He's pretty hurt, Raleigh. You might have to take a blow or two before he's willing to let you close again."

Raleigh's mouth presses into a tight line and he nods slowly. She can tell he's feeling guilty, and that he blames himself for hurting Chuck, no matter that it wasn't on purpose. Maybe they'll both learn something from all of this, Mako thinks. She can't be always there to sort out their misunderstandings, after all. How two people in a perfect match connection manage to have such misunderstandings at all is beyond her.

"I guess I deserve a blow or two." Raleigh's lopsided smile looks guilty and pained above anything else. "I know about the last time our connection was cut off, after all, and what it did to him." 

Mako raises an eyebrow and gives him a pointed look. "Don't do it again, then."

He nods, and there's determination in the gesture. Maybe he already did learn something. "I won't."

Mako watches him as he walks down the staircase to the ground level, then he crosses the Jaeger bay and disappears through the massive double doors. Mako leans back until she's lying on the platform, staring up at the high ceiling of the Jaeger bay. Her collarbone hurts distinctly after her fighting session with Chuck, but she's sure it was worth it. She takes a deep breath and lets it escape slowly, concentrating on letting go of the pain. 

Hopefully Chuck won't make it too difficult for Raleigh. He's not in the best place right now, and what he really needs is Chuck's support. At least Raleigh knows what went wrong, what _he_ did wrong, and she's certain he'll do whatever it takes to make Chuck see how sorry he is.

She sighs. Those two are a real piece of work. 

After a minute or two of slow breathing, Mako feels the pain ease enough that she's ready to get going again. She gets up, straightens her overall and quickly passes a hand through her hair. Time to get back to work and see to her many duties. She has mini-Jaegers to design and a new Mark series to develop, after all, and if she wants to see this bay return to life again, she'll better get started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you didn't drown in all the angst and drama... Let me know if you're still alive ? XD


	34. Redemption (Chuck/Raleigh)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raleigh tries to make it up to Chuck and learns a thing or two in the process.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place right after "Agony Aunt". And I'm really sorry, but there's going to be some more angst and drama. Seems to be the only thing I'm writing at the moment...

_Hong Kong Shatterdome, 18th January 2025_

 

He can't stop staring at the picture. 

Raleigh is standing in the elevator that will bring him to the level of the living quarters of the Shatterdome personnel, and he can't stop staring at the photo in his hands. It's such a simple scene, just Chuck and him asleep in his bed in the medical bay. Nothing special, yet it's mesmerising in its quiet peacefulness, in the obvious affection and trust. He can't look away from the beautiful little smile on Chuck's face, from the way Chuck has cuddled up against Raleigh in his sleep. It speaks of comfortable intimacy and a need for closeness that is mirrored in Raleigh's own posture, in his hand in Chuck's messy hair, in his peaceful sleep. 

Raleigh is sure that Mako knew exactly what she was doing when she gave him that photo. It shows a side of Chuck that the world usually doesn't get to see, a side that he always had but that is carefully hidden behind a massive wall of issues and attitude - until his first drift with Raleigh. Until he was suddenly confronted with the fact that he has a perfect match.

Chuck dared to open up to him, to let him in, and Raleigh threw the door in his face at the first problematic situation. It doesn't matter that it was inadvertently, the damage is done. Raleigh should have known better, especially after their drift. He _knows_ how much of an effort it takes for Chuck to trust somebody, how much he's out of his comfort zone with this entire relationship thing. This photo, this beautiful little moment, makes Raleigh more aware of his misstep than any words could have. He just desperately hopes that Chuck is willing to give him a second chance. 

Right now, he's not so sure about that.

He remembers how empty the bed felt last night when for the first time, Chuck hadn't come back to the medical bay to sleep. Raleigh felt so cold and lonely, and his dark and tortured thoughts of Yancy had only added to his misery. He'd curled up in a ball as if that would ward off the shadows that haunted him, but it hadn't helped. The little sleep he got was restless and exhausting.

Standing there in the elevator, Raleigh makes a conscious effort to take down his shields, to open the connection of their ghost drift again. He wonders how it was possible for him not to notice that it was missing. That _he himself_ was blocking it. He's sure that a great deal of the misery of last night was his own fault, a result of unconsciously stifling his connection to Chuck.

What he receives when he tries to feel Chuck over the ghost drift is not a good omen. Chuck's shields are up, Raleigh can feel that, but the hurt still leaks through around the edges. It tells him exactly how much Chuck is affected, and Raleigh feels incredibly bad for doing that to him, never mind that it wasn't on purpose. He wonders what he can possibly say or do to convince Chuck that he didn't mean to hurt him, that he's so very sorry. 

The doors of the elevator open before he's found an solution, and Raleigh slowly makes his way through the maze of hallways to the Hansens' quarters. He needs more time to come up with a plan. Or at least an idea of what to say. It's quite obvious that he'll have to rely on words, because their ghost drift in not a working option at the moment. The missing connection makes him feel uneasy, especially when he has to deal with Chuck in a difficult situation. Like he has no way to predict how he's going to react. 

Raleigh's problem is that he's still... well, it's a kind of blend of jealous and envious that Chuck got to talk to Yancy while he didn't. He knows that Mako's right, though. It's not Chuck's fault - actually, there isn't even anything like 'fault' at play here. It was nothing but coincidence that Chuck was the one to find out that Yancy is... still somehow there. If they hadn't agreed to Doc Lightcap's experiment, chances are Raleigh would never have learned about Yancy's presence. Engaging in the neural handshake with an unconscious partner isn't exactly standard drift protocol, after all.

He should be grateful that Chuck stumbled across Yancy. If he's honest with himself, he'd rather know that Yancy is alive - _somehow_ alive - without being able to communicate with him than go through the rest of his life believing him dead. He has no idea what to do now that he knows Yancy is alive in his head, but Mako made a good point. The brightest minds and world's leading experts in drift related science are working on it, he shouldn't give up hope. Who knows what they'll come up with.

After all, nobody thought that drifting with a Kaiju was possible, either. 

Raleigh hesitates when he reaches the quarters designated to the Hansens. He still doesn't know what to say. He's standing in the middle of the hallway for a good five minutes before he musters the courage to climb the few stairs and knock on the door. It's a heavy metal door typical for Shatterdomes all over the world, and the sound of his knuckles against the steel seems more hesitant than he wanted it to be. Nothing happens, almost as if nobody is home, but Raleigh knows that Chuck is there, he feels his presence close by. He doesn't get much more than that, maybe the odd flicker of hurt mixed with anger, but it's muffled and quickly controlled.

Raleigh waits for a full minute, then he knocks again, making sure to rap harder against the metal so that the sound is more pronounced. This time the reaction is immediate.

"Go away, Raleigh." Chuck's voice is harsh and unfriendly, but otherwise emotionless. It makes an unpleasant shiver run down Raleigh's spine. He doesn't like it at all. Chuck is many things, but emotionless is not one of them.

Every attempt to feel Chuck is blocked by his shields. _Actively_ blocked. They're really good shields, too, and Raleigh guesses that they're honed by years of drifting with Herc. Chuck sure as hell didn't want his father to know all his thoughts and secrets, so he must have worked on upholding shields pretty early on. He definitely got very good at it.

It makes Raleigh feel helpless to be so utterly unable to tell what Chuck is thinking, how he's feeling. He gets a much better idea of what Chuck must have lived through when Raleigh blocked him out of his mind all of the sudden. It's crippling, and it's accompanied by a strange kind of ache. Raleigh feels like he's missing a limb.

"Please, Chuck." There's no reply at all this time. Raleigh remains standing on the threshold and waits, but Chuck keeps up his resolute silence.

After a minute or two of it, Raleigh lets his forehead sink against the massive steel door. He doesn't bother to keep the exhaustion or the misery out of his voice. "Please, Chuck, let me in."

He's not just talking about the door, but for now he'd be glad if at least that physical obstacle would be removed. Now that he can't feel Chuck, he really wants to see him so that he can get at least a general idea of what's going on inside of him.

There's only more silence. Raleigh wonders how long Chuck is planning on giving him the cold shoulder. He trusts Chuck to keep it up for quite a while, although he must be making himself as miserable as Raleigh was last night - and is right now. It's obviously not a good idea for a perfect match to interrupt their connection to each other, at least Raleigh has learned that now. He needs to somehow make Chuck understand that he didn't mean to make him miserable, that he never intended to hurt him, and that he has learned his lesson. The question is how he's supposed to do that with Chuck's shields up, the door to his quarters closed and his refusal to talk to Raleigh firmly in place.

Raleigh wishes so desperately that he had handled the situation better, that he hadn't automatically shut out the world the moment Yancy came into play. It's an instinctive reaction ever since Knifehead, based on the knowledge that nobody would ever really understand. He'd been the one to convince Yancy to disobey Pentecost's orders, after all. It was his fault, what happened. 

Raleigh takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. The steel of the door feels cold against his forehead and under his palm where his right hand is resting against the metal. His left shoulder hurts and he's exhausted. It's his body's way of telling him that he overdid it today. He feels every hour he spent out of the med bay and on his feet, every hour of sleep he didn't get last night, every hour the connection to Chuck was blocked. He wants nothing more than to curl up in Chuck's arms in a bed, to feel him in body and mind, his presence a warmth in his thoughts and a strong comfort in his back. God, he misses him so much.

Suddenly the door underneath his forehead moves. It takes Raleigh by surprise and he almost staggers in the attempt to keep from falling. He takes a step back and finds himself face to face with Chuck. 

He doesn't look too good either. His face is drawn and his eyes are guarded. Raleigh wants to kick himself again for what he did, because he's the reason Chuck looks like that. Chuck should never feel the need to protect himself against Raleigh, he should never feel wary around him. And yet that's the lesson he learned when Raleigh cut him off.

"Can I come in?" Raleigh asks carefully, because right now he doesn't dare to take anything for granted.

Chuck hesitates for a full second that almost stretches Raleigh's nerves to their breaking point, then he steps aside and opens the door fully before he walks back inside. It's as much of an invitation as he's going to get, Raleigh figures, and follows him inside. He pushes the door shut behind him and when he turns, he finds Chuck standing in the middle of the room. It's typical Ranger quarters, two neatly made bunk beds on opposite sides of the room, a small table, two chairs, a pantry kitchen that's barely wider than the fridge and the sink it holds. The door next to the kitchen is standing open and shows a basic bathroom that's just big enough to accommodate a shower, a wash basin and a toilet. 

Raleigh looks around because it's the first time he's in Chuck's quarters. He can't help being curious, and it's sobering how little the room says about Chuck. There are no pictures on the walls, and he only knows which bed is Chuck's because his boots are placed tidily at the foot of the bunk and there's an imprint in the covers that looks like Max had slept there at some point. He's not here right now, and for a moment Raleigh wonders where he is. 

One look at Chuck reminds him of the bigger problems at hand right now, though. He's still standing in the middle of the room, his arms crossed in front of his chest, and his gaze is following Raleigh on his hesitant exploration through his quarters. He hasn't said a word yet, and it makes Raleigh nervous. 

"Chuck..." Raleigh still doesn't know where to begin. He just knows that he has to say or do something soon, or Chuck will retreat again. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to cut you off. I didn't even know I was doing it..."

"Mako kicked your arse, didn't she?" It's not really a question, and Chuck's voice holds a note of dry amusement. 

"She did." Raleigh admits with an embarrassed half smile and a shrug of his uninjured shoulder. Suddenly it feels like the picture is burning in his pocket and he pulls it out. He glances at it again, then he holds it out to Chuck, catching his gaze. "She can be quite convincing."

Chuck reaches for the photo after a moment of returning Raleigh's gaze. There's still wariness in his eyes, and Raleigh wants so much to take it away, to erase it forever. 

He feels the exact moment when Chuck realises what's on the photo. It's as if the surprise makes Chuck's shields collapse, as if he suddenly doesn't want to keep them up anymore. Raleigh's mind fills with strong emotions, with insecurities and doubts and hurt and confusion. They all pass through him and leave him breathless in their sharp intensity. He's overwhelmed by the need to make Chuck realise what he means to Raleigh, to cover those painful feelings with something positive. He can think of only one way to achieve that, and that's total honesty.

"I miss you, Chuck." Raleigh says quietly, pouring all his misery of the last two days as well as his longing into their re-established ghost drift. "I miss you so much. I'm sorry for cutting you off." 

Chuck swallows hard, still staring at the photo. It takes him a long while before he looks up, catching Raleigh's gaze. There's a frown on his face, and he makes no move to come closer.

"Don't ever do that again." Chuck says without breaking the gaze. His voice is not threatening or chiding, though, it's broken and almost pleading, barely above a whisper. He even looks vulnerable, somehow small and lost in the way he hovers by the door, the photo clutched in his hand. So unlike the fierce Chuck that the world knows, and it makes Raleigh's heart clench painfully to know that he did that. That he hurt Chuck that much. He remembers that he told Herc that he would never hurt Chuck on purpose, and never mind that he hadn't done it intentionally, he still feels like he broke his word.

Raleigh allows his feelings, everything from regret to guilt and sincere apology, to seep through the ghost drift. "I promise."

Chuck falls silent and looks down at the photo again. Raleigh feels him sort through his troubled thoughts, although he can't quite grab them. He remains quiet, knowing it's Chuck's turn to speak his mind. 

"I understand it, you know?" Chuck says after a moment. He looks up and makes a point of holding Raleigh's gaze, and his voice is a strange mixture of reproachful and confused. "I may not have been there when it happened, but I lived through your memories of Knifehead. I didn't just _see_ them, I _experienced_ them. I felt what you felt. Goddamnit, Raleigh, you know that. Why did you shut me out?" 

Raleigh bites his lips, the guilt welling up again. He's not sure he has a satisfying answer to give. "I didn't think, Chuck. It's... Where Yancy is concerned, I'm so used to being left alone with all of it that I... It's a reflex to curl in on myself and suffer in solitude, just like I have always done since Yancy was ripped out of the Conn-Pod."

Chuck remains silent and just keeps looking at Raleigh, then he holds out the picture for Raleigh to see. When he speaks, his voice is warm and his words feel like a caress. "You're not alone anymore, Rals."

Raleigh has to swallow against the lump that has suddenly formed in his throat. Chuck is using their ghost drift to make him feel that he means it, and it takes Raleigh by surprise how much it affects him. The feeling of being part of a family, of knowing that there are people who will always be there for him no matter what.

Even when he screws up.

Raleigh takes a careful step closer and slowly takes hold of Chuck's free hand, infinitely grateful when Chuck lets him. He needs the physical contact, not just because he missed it those past two days, but also because he feels like he can somehow transmit through touch how much Chuck's words mean to him. "Thank you, Chuck."

Chuck gently squeezes his hand and intertwines their fingers. Raleigh feels his support through their ghost drift, and it's such a stark contrast to the misery of the past days that he begins to understand, really and truly understand, that Chuck is the most important person in his life. He doesn't ever want to lose the connection to him again. It makes him feel complete and at home in a way he hasn't felt since he left childhood behind. It's something he never expected to find, especially not after Knifehead.

That thought brings him back to the one thing that caused this entire episode of hurt feelings in the first place: The drift with Yancy. Raleigh realised already yesterday that he knows very little about what actually happened, and now is the chance to find out more. 

"Can you tell me about your drift with Yancy?" Raleigh bites his lip, he's not sure that he actually _wants_ to hear it, but he knows he has to. "I never gave you the chance to say more than the key points."

Chuck nods, then he takes a few moments to decide how and where to start. "I told you that I found myself in the Icebox when I entered the drift and that I went to your quarters. It was pre-Knifehead, which I'm sure of because I saw Gipsy in the Jaeger bay in her original design. When I knocked on your door, it wasn't you but Yancy who greeted me by telling me he'd sent you out on a run when he _felt_ me enter the drift. That's when I became suspicious."

Raleigh understands immediately. "He shouldn't have known it was a drift, never mind be able to pinpoint you entering it, had he been nothing but a memory of mine."

"Exactly. I might have inquired after that not too politely" - Raleigh can't hold back a snort hearing that - "and he explained what I already told you right after you woke up."

"That he's stuck in my brain because our drift wasn't properly disengaged, and that he sees what I see and knows what I know, but can't communicate with me. That he can only talk to me when I'm either asleep or unconscious, which I in turn experience like a dream and therefore forget upon waking. And he could only communicate with you because I was out when the drift was initiated." Raleigh repeats what he has mulled over in his head for the past two days. He tried to make sense of it, but the only conclusion he came to was that it sounds like a bad movie plot. Considering that Kaiju and Jaegers also sound like something out of a science fiction movie but are quite real, he knows that there's a very good chance it's possible, though. Not to mention that he feels with total certainty that Chuck is telling the truth, and that there are so many things about drifting that are entirely unknown that this actually doesn't seem improbable.

"A consciousness without a body, as Yancy put it." Chuck says seriously. Raleigh feels his thumb soothingly caress the back of his hand, and no matter how small the gesture, it actually does calm him. Maybe it's the fact that Chuck knows he needs the reassurance that makes him feel better.

"You came back from your run during our 'talk'." Chuck continues retelling the drift when the silence stretches. He probably feels Raleigh sinking back into troubled thoughts, and his voice interrupts them quite efficiently. 

"I did?" Raleigh looks up in surprise. He didn't know he'd been an active part of the drift-dream. 

"Yeah. Bounced in, took off your clothes and hopped into the shower, not without making us promise to go for breakfast with you afterwards."

"'Bounced in?' That doesn't sound like me." Raleigh can't help remarking. He feels a moment of unease over the ghost drift right before Chuck replies.

"Well, it was the pre-Knifehead-You." Chuck's words are careful. 

"Oh." Well, in that case 'bounced in' probably is a proper description. It's faint, but Raleigh does remember the overconfident, cocky jock he was before Knifehead quite literally beat those attitudes out of him. He hasn't thought of that guy in a long time. He seems like a stranger now, and Raleigh doesn't quite understand how he could ever have been like that.

"Yancy gave me the shovel talk, actually." Chuck deftly changes the subject, and he can't quite suppress a smirk. "Do you have any idea how weird it is to be given the shovel talk by somebody you're in a drift with, especially when that person is the supposedly dead brother of your partner? The supporting imagery was rather nasty, I can tell you that."

Raleigh frowns. He gets a sudden feeling that there's more to it that Chuck is letting on. "What supporting imagery?"

"He told me he'd destroy me if... well, if ever hurt you." Raleigh feels a wave of pain over the ghost drift, something dark and intense that he can't quite understand. It seems an overly extreme sentiment for their current topic.

"What aren't you telling me?" Raleigh asks, because he's well aware that Chuck's reply isn't an answer to his question. Chuck's lips press into a thin line and he averts his gaze. Raleigh gives him a moment, but when it becomes clear that he won't elaborate, Raleigh gently takes hold of his chin with his free hand and makes him look up. There's something dark in his eyes, something that feels a lot like fear. It shakes Raleigh, because whatever happened in that drift-dream, it must have been bad enough that it scared Chuck. And Chuck doesn't scare easily.

"What happened, Charlie?" Raleigh can't quite hide his worry, and he knows that Chuck feels it. 

Chuck is quiet for a long moment, as if he's sorting through his thoughts, trying to find the best way how to explain. He licks his lips before he begins talking, swallows once, twice. "Yancy, he... showed me things."

"What things?" Raleigh asks and tries to ignore the bad feeling that's slowly rising in his gut.

"He was there with you. After Knifehead. In the hospital." Chuck stops, a pained frown on his face. Only then does it dawn on Raleigh that if Yancy controlled the drift, he could also access Raleigh's memories. He can't help a shiver running down his back, but he keeps quiet to let Chuck continue.

"He sent me into your memories of that time." Chuck sounds haunted, his voice is very quiet and laced with pain. "I felt the silence in your head, and how it suffocated you. I felt how you shut down, how the world ceased to exist."

Chuck seems to need a moment to find the strength to continue. Raleigh feels icy goosebumps spread all over his body. He knows where this is going. 

"I saw how you... gave up. How you just wanted it all to end." When Chuck looks at him, there's pure despair in his eyes. He knows, Raleigh realises with a shudder going through his entire body, he knows how close he came to never meeting me.

There are memories crushing down on him, memories of that time. It's the worst he's ever been, and he's tried ever since to push it back into the furthest corner of his mind. He pushed it so far back that it didn't even come out upon drifting, neither with Mako nor with Chuck. It feels like cruelty beyond measure that Yancy made Chuck experience it. Raleigh wants to say something, but he finds that his voice is not working.

"Yancy told me that if I ever... made you reach that point again, he'd destroy me." Chuck lets out a dry chuckle that sounds painful. "There was no need to threaten me, really. If I'm ever the reason you feel like that again, I'd shoot myself and spare him the effort."

Raleigh freezes on the spot and stares at Chuck. His skin prickles with the unpleasant, cold goosebumps, and he shivers under the onslaught of feelings. He can't even imagine what it must have been like for Chuck to experience these darkest moments of Raleigh's life, of living through the thoughts of craving death that had rules his mind back then. _Especially_ for Chuck, who has suffered of losing loved ones before and who fears it with a vengeance. If Yancy is in my mind, Raleigh thinks, then he must know that. He must have put Chuck through it on purpose, knowing _exactly_ that it's the way to hurt him most. To scare him like nothing else could.

"He had no right." Raleigh presses out, surprised at how angry he is at Yancy at that moment. It's an entirely new feeling, one that he hasn't experienced since before Knifehead. For the first time in ages he feels the urge to punch Yancy. "I'm so sorry, Charlie."

"Don't be. It wasn't your doing, after all." Chuck steps closer and wraps his arms around Raleigh's waist, pulling him in a comforting embrace, always careful not to put pressure on the injured shoulder. Raleigh feels the tension ease and he doesn't hesitate to melt against Chuck until their bodies fit together perfectly. Only now does he realise how much he craved that kind of contact, how much he needed to be this close to Chuck. Raleigh turns his head until his nose touches the side of Chuck's neck, then he closes his eyes and takes deep breath. He loves Chuck's scent, and he lets it calm his troubled mind. 

"He taught me a valuable lesson, after all." Chuck continues after a moment of comfortable silence.

"And what's that?" Raleigh grumbles against Chuck's throat where he's hiding his face. He's still angry at Yancy.

"That I want you by my side." Chuck's voice is barely above a whisper. He press a lingering kiss behind Raleigh's ear, his tongue flickering over the sensitive skin. "Inside and outside the Conn-Pod. Forever."

A shiver runs through Raleigh's entire body, and this time it's hot and electrifying. He feels how it makes the little hairs on his skin stand up, and he can't hold back a gasp. He knows that Chuck senses his reaction over the ghost drift, knows what it does to him. Raleigh's hold on him tightens instinctively, and he presses against Chuck from head to toe. The blood is pounding in his ears and suddenly the only thing he can think of is that he needs Chuck naked, now, skin against skin, buried inside him, hot and pulsing. 

Raleigh hears Chuck groan against his neck and realises that he must have transmitted his thoughts through their connection, probably in colourful images with plenty of details. He bites Chuck's neck right above his collarbone. "Naked. Now." 

"Yeah." Chuck agrees in a rather hoarse whisper, obviously not able to form a proper sentence either. He lets go of Raleigh just long enough to rip off his t-shirt and shove down his pants and underwear in one go. Raleigh can't help smirking at the display of eager compliance. Chuck is naked in record time, and then his hands are under Raleigh's jumper. Now he's not hurrying, instead he takes his time to make sure to peel the garment off Raleigh without aggravating his injured shoulder. It touches something deep inside Raleigh to be treated with that much consideration when it's quite obvious that they both have other things on their mind right now. Nice things. Pleasant things. 

It's been too long since they've done that. Right now Raleigh doesn't care that he's not even close to recovered yet, that he should probably rest instead of getting hot and heavy with Chuck. Just then Chuck sinks to his knees in front of Raleigh, quickly undoing his boots, then he hooks his fingers in the waistband of Raleigh's pants and boxers alike and pulls them down. His fingertips trail down Raleigh's legs, a maddeningly soft touch that goes straight into his groin. Raleigh can't contain the strangled moan that escapes him when the fabric catches on his erection, teasing the flesh with friction. He's rock hard by now, and when his dick springs free of his underwear, a shudder courses through his entire body. 

Before he has recovered, he feels Chuck's hand on him, his grip strong and sure. Raleigh can't look away from the beautiful sight of Chuck on his knees in front of him, buck naked and hard for him, his eyes dark with arousal, his gaze never leaving Raleigh's face. The tension is almost palpable, thick and hot, like a caress on Raleigh's skin. He catches Chuck's smirk, and only the fraction of a second later he loses all higher brain functions when Chuck's mouth closes around him.

Raleigh would have been embarrassed by the volume of his groan had he found it in him to care. He doubles over, his hands grabbing onto Chuck's shoulders, and Raleigh can't help leaning on him. His left shoulder gives him a quick and painful reminder that it's not ready for the strain yet, and Raleigh shifts his weight to the right. His legs are quivering with the effort to remain standing, and he needs the support to keep from ending up sprawled on the floor. His breath is coming in harsh pants that more often than not include a loud moan. He's thrusting into Chuck's mouth, and it's only Chuck's strong grip on his hip that keeps him in check.

The tongue playing along his erection is driving him crazy. Chuck's lips are wrapped around him tightly, his hand firmly closed around the base of Raleigh's shaft, and he's moving with just the right speed. Raleigh knows Chuck has never done this before, he learned that during their drifts, but what he's missing in experience he makes up for with enthusiasm and the feedback he gets over the ghost drift. He seems to know exactly how to make Raleigh lose it, and his effort is paying off. Raleigh shivers and pants, his thrusts becoming irregular. He knows his legs won't last much longer, and he sends a warning over their ghost drift.

"Can't keep standing." Raleigh presses out, and he's surprised how rough his voice sounds. He doesn't want to come yet, he wants that while feeling Chuck inside of him.

Chuck gives one last, delicious lick along the underside of his dick, then he lets go, and Raleigh misses Chuck's mouth on him with a vengeance. As soon as the wet heat is gone, he wants it back so much that contemplates risking his legs giving out. A chuckle from Chuck tells him that he caught that thought loud and clear. 

"Come on, Rals, lets get to my bed." Chuck makes him step out of the pants and boxer briefs pooled around his legs and slowly rises to his feet, kissing and biting his way up. When he's standing, he nips on Raleigh's earlobe, then the side of his neck. "I have plans for you."

The images that hit Raleigh right that second leave him breathless. Chuck's smirk lets him know that he did it on purpose, and Raleigh can't say that he minds. He has a pretty good idea what's going to happen once they reach the bed, and it's a very good incentive to get there quickly. 

"I like the way you're thinking." Raleigh murmurs against Chuck's lips before claiming them in a thorough kiss. He walks backwards into the general direction of Chuck's bed, pulling him along until he feels the frame touch the back of his knees.

"Glad to hear that." Chuck slowly manoeuvres him down on the narrow bunk, and Raleigh can't help noticing how he's very careful to keep any unpleasant pressure off Raleigh's bummed left shoulder. He makes sure Raleigh is coming to rest on his right side and lies down behind him, his warm body pressed up against Raleigh's back from shoulder to feet. Raleigh immediately leans against him, enjoying the sudden spike in Chuck's arousal when his erection slips between Raleigh's thighs.

Just when Raleigh is lying back on the mattress, there's a rush of pain shooting through his right arm. He knows immediately that it's not _his_ pain. It's Chuck's, transferred to his own right arm, into the identical but less severe circuitry burns. 

"Your arm..." Raleigh turns halfway and reaches for where Chuck is propped up behind him on his right arm that's still covered in a neat white bandage. Chuck just leans down to touch his lips to Raleigh's, but doesn't ease the pressure on his arm. 

"I want it." His voice is a hoarse whisper against Raleigh's neck, and it makes a shiver of arousal course through Raleigh's body. "I want to feel it."

Raleigh's hand passes over the bandage, and his own arm flares in response. Strangely he finds that it arouses him rather than turns him off. His breath hitches, his dick stirs, and he does it again. "I feel it, too."

"I'm aware of that." Chuck smiles knowingly, then he leans down to bite Raleigh's neck just this side of too hard. "I want you to feel me." 

His free hand is wandering over Raleigh's chest, purposefully passing over one hardened nipple before it skirts lower, over his stomach and then down his flank. His teasing, feather light touch finds its way to the inside of Raleigh's thigh and Raleigh instinctively lifts his left leg to grant Chuck better access. He knows exactly where he wants those fingers and he bites his bottom lip from the pleasure of feeling Chuck's hand wrap around his dick. His head falls back as he thrusts into Chuck's fist, and he shudders from the sudden burst of arousal that comes from Chuck's erection rubbing behind his balls. Oh yes, he's totally on board with Chuck's plans for him.

When Chuck's hand retreats, Raleigh wants to complain until he hears the unmistakable sound of a cap of a lube bottle being popped open. He can't help a teasing grin and turns his head enough to look at Chuck. "When did you find the time to get supplies?"

"I made it a priority." Chuck's grin is rather dirty, but it doesn't hide the slight blush on his cheeks that Raleigh finds utterly adorable. "Thought we might need it."

As if to prove his point, his slicked up finger finds Raleigh's entrance and plays around it before returning with more lube. It slowly slips into him and causes Raleigh's voice to be slightly shaky when he replies, "Good thinking."

He doesn't much care for words after that. Raleigh closes his eyes and lets his head fall back until it rests against Chuck's shoulder. He concentrates on the finger that eases in and out with careful movements before it finds his prostate and causes him to shake with the sudden burst of ecstasy. He hasn't even come down from it before the next hit, and he groans loudly, his mind reeling with arousal. 

Chuck really internalised the golden rule of serving any preparation with plenty of pleasure, Raleigh muses and allows his hips to push back on Chuck's fingers, first one, then two. Chuck takes his time, opening him up with slow scissoring motions and plenty of lube. He never stops biting Raleigh's neck, feeling over the ghost drift how much it turns him on, and makes a point to leave a mark on his injured shoulder. Raleigh loses any concept of time and space. His world consists only of Chuck's warm body in his back, Chuck's fingers inside of him, Chuck's mouth on his neck and Chuck's presence in his mind. He's engulfed by Chuck, filled by Chuck, and he doesn't want it any other way. He feels Chuck's hard dick rest heavy and hot against the inside of Raleigh's thigh, and he can't wait to finally feel it pulse inside him.

It's as if Chuck read his mind, which he probably did, because only a few seconds later he pulls his fingers out of Raleigh. The feeling of emptiness doesn't last long, though, and before Raleigh can complain, the head of Chuck's erection pushes against his hole and slips in easily. The thorough preparation is paying off, allowing him to slide inside with one long thrust, giving Raleigh exactly what he wants. He feels stretched and filled, and he loves it. He makes no effort at all to hold back his feelings, instead he pours them into their ghost drift, wanting Chuck to _know_ without a doubt what he's doing to Raleigh, how great he makes him feel.

Chuck shivers in his back, clearly caught up in the intense sensations Raleigh is passing on to him. It takes him a moment to establish a quick rhythm that's meant to bring Raleigh off, and it leaves Raleigh panting with ecstasy. Chuck takes hold of his leg, his hand a hot spot against Raleigh's skin, and Raleigh pushes back into his every thrust. There are little bursts of pain in his right arm at every thrust, his circuitry burns feeling raw where Chuck is leaning on his own. Every bout of ache pushes Raleigh higher, every hit to his prostate makes him see stars and every time Chuck licks or bites his neck almost causes his senses to overload. Oh man, he's not going to last much longer.

"Charlie..." Raleigh arches his back to get Chuck deeper inside him. He knows that Chuck feels that he's close, and just when he gets to the edge, Chuck takes hold of Raleigh's dick and begins to jerk him in time with his thrusts. Raleigh's eyes are closed, he wants to feel it all, soak it all up, indulge in every second of total bliss. Chuck's breath is hot against his skin, a gentle noise in his ear accentuated with dark groans, a steady rhythm that's identical with his own pants. Lips press behind Raleigh's ear, a hot tongue leaves a trail down his neck, and then, between two rugged breaths, "I love you, Rals."

Raleigh feels the words before they even leave Chuck's mouth. Feels the wave of warmth that engulfs him entirely and leaves him breathless. It makes him feel like he's going to explode with sensations, feelings, emotions, and before he has the time to react at all, Chuck hits his prostate just right and he's coming with an almost blinding force. His mind goes blank, nothing but Chuck's words and his touch exist, amplifying the pleasure until he's wrecked. He shudders under the onslaught of ecstasy that's caused by Chuck's orgasm looping back to him through their ghost drift, and he doesn't bother to hold back the hoarse groans that shake his body. He feels Chuck's hot cum inside of him, feels Chuck's dick pulsing in the same rhythm as the blood pounding in Raleigh's ears. 

Raleigh sags down, his heavy breathing loud in the room, joined by Chuck's pants. Chuck is plastered against his back, still buried inside him, his erection softening now that they're both spent. Chuck's hand is still wrapped around him, covered in semen, but Chuck doesn't seem to mind at all. Just like Raleigh, he's too busy trying to regain his breath. Raleigh is beyond exhausted, his energy reserves are almost entirely depleted, but he still feels great.

He's still blown away by what Chuck just said. He knows he didn't imagine it because he still picks up on Chuck's intense feelings through their connection, and the depth of his affection is as clear as day. There are no shields anymore, not the slightest effort to hide it. It's overwhelming and addictive and Raleigh never ever wants to miss this feeling again. 

He lets his head fall back until he can look at Chuck who's still propped up on his burnt right arm behind him. Raleigh feels the dull pain pulsing in his own arm, and he still loves this additional connection between them, just as he loves the scars on Chuck's skin that match his own. Chuck's eyes are hooded in the aftermath of the mind boggling orgasm, but the expression is clear and warm. His gaze feels like a caress.

"By the way, Charlie, I love you too." Raleigh whispers with a smile and pulls him down into a lazy kiss that feels like a claim.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked the sexy times! I thought you all deserved it after this long period of abstinence XD Make me very happy and leave me a comment? Please?


	35. The Morning After (Chuck/Raleigh, Chuck & Herc)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chuck learns that early morning conversations are rarely easy - or pleasant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my, I'm SO SORRY it took me almost _a year_ to update! o_O I began studying for a master's degree and I can tell you, it sucks up my entire time... like an airplane toilet - *slurp* and it's gone... So please accept my sincere apologies for pulling a Yancy on you (= still alive, but unable to communicate - pretty much describes the past year for me... -_- )

_Hong Kong Shatterdome, January 19th 2025_

 

The world comes into focus rather slowly. The first thing Chuck becomes aware of is the heat pressed along his entire back. It takes him a moment to realise that it's Raleigh who's cuddled up behind him, his injured left arm carefully slung around Chuck's waist, his leg thrown over Chuck's. His nose is buried against Chuck's neck and he can feel his warm breath tickle the little hairs on the base of his skull. 

For a moment Chuck just remains where he is, not moving safe for opening his eyes just to let them flutter shut again. The faint light tells him it's still early, no need to get up just yet. It takes him a second to remember that they're in his quarters, not Raleigh's room in the med bay. That brings back the memories of last night and consequently the two horrible days before that. Chuck wriggles a bit in unease at those memories, they still make him feel queasy. Honestly, he can't remember the last time he felt that shitty - it doesn't compare at all to physical injuries or anything else he can come up with to describe the feeling to somebody who has never experienced a perfect match connection. 

Chuck feels Raleigh's arm tighten around him as if he feels Chuck's unease. Chuck lets himself be pulled closer to the living furnace that is Raleigh Becket and wonders why _he_ is the little spoon. He's just as tall as Raleigh, after all. Okay, so maybe Raleigh has an inch on him. Not that he's complaining, he quite likes the way Raleigh's wrapped around him like an octopus that has no intention of letting go. He likes how the physical contact amplifies the mental connection of their ghost drift, now that it's finally open and working again. The last two days have been a nightmare, and Chuck shivers just at the thought of it. He has still not entirely forgiven Raleigh for cutting him off like that, especially since it was for no good reason other than it being a reflex. And Chuck is still angry at Yancy for dumping the task of revealing his continued existence to Raleigh on Chuck, the innocent bystander.

That train of thoughts causes Chuck to suddenly feel restless, and he turns around in Raleigh's embrace - very careful to not upset Raleigh's injured left shoulder - and props himself up on his elbow so that he can look at Raleigh. What he sees makes it difficult to remain angry at him. Raleigh looks better than he did when he showed up at his door last night - for a while there Chuck was seriously worried that he might keel over - but there are still dark smudges underneath his eyes and even asleep he looks exhausted. It's obvious that the last two days took their toll on him too, and Chuck finds that he only wants to make it better, no matter that Raleigh caused a great deal of that pain himself.

Chuck huffs out an only halfway amused laugh. He's turning into a sentimental fool where Raleigh is concerned. He's well aware he wouldn't have let anybody else get away with it as easily as Raleigh did. Chuck is famous for holding his grudges - just ask his dad -, especially when somebody really hurt him, yet here he is, longing to make Raleigh feel better even after the misery Raleigh made him live through. Not only that, instead of making Raleigh pay for hurting him like he should have, Chuck goes and confesses his love at the first occasion. 

Come on, it has been just _seventeen days_ \- not that he's counting or anything - since he met Raleigh. That's barely over two weeks. And here he is, telling the guy he loves him after said guy just tortured him for two days for something that wasn't even his fault. He's like a love sick puppy. It's pathetic, really. He should probably get himself a t-shirt saying 'Chuck Hansen turned into a teenage girl'. 

Now, with a clear head and in the soft light of the early morning, Chuck feels a bit embarrassed for his sudden confession. Still, he meant it and he won't take it back. It's also very reassuring that he knows the feeling is mutual. Raleigh held nothing back last night, he let it all show, sending his feelings freely over their re-established ghost drift. He was like an open book, he _wanted_ Chuck to know. It still amazes Chuck how open Raleigh is with his feelings - well, as long as it doesn't concern Yancy.

Chuck raises his hand and slowly trails his fingertips over Raleigh's forehead, along his left eyebrow, down his cheek and along the strong line of his jaw, always following the slowly fading bruises. Raleigh reacts to the gentle touch immediately, a soft smile coming to his lips before he shuffles closer to Chuck. He doesn't wake, though, his breathing remains even and deep, his body relaxed. Chuck knows from before Operation Pitfall that Raleigh is a light sleeper, and that the fact that he doesn't wake up is to a huge part due to the strong meds he's on. He knows that Raleigh has problems regaining focus upon waking, and that he has lapses in his short time memory, especially in the mornings. It always takes him a while to remember where he is and what happened, everything from Pitfall to the previous evening. It worries Chuck. Doc Nash and Caitlin Lightcap agree that it's a mixture of the meds and possible neural damage from his second time driving solo, and that there's a chance that it'll get better with time, especially when Raleigh can finally stop taking those meds. 

Chuck really hopes they're right. He feels how much Raleigh hates the disorientation, the fact that he's not sure it'll ease, the worry that he might not be able to pilot a Jaeger again when the time comes. He deals with his other, purely physical injuries much better than with the mental ones. In fact, Doc Nash told them that Raleigh would be discharged tomorrow, his condition stable enough that he should slowly try to get back to his normal life. Chuck pointedly refrained from asking what qualifies as 'normal' around here. He's sure definitions vary. At least the Doc allowed light physical training, but with the strict order to keep it _light_ , reminding Raleigh that it would take quite a while to get back to his previous strength, flexibility and range of motion. Chuck is sure that he didn't imagine the warning glance she threw Chuck, as if he would be the one to overdo it with Raleigh. It's clear she'll hold Chuck accountable for Raleigh's well-being just as much as Raleigh himself. Chuck still can't decide whether he should feel offended or honoured.

So, tomorrow they'll finally be out of the med bay. It's been long enough, and Chuck can't wait to leave it behind. That reminds him that they should probably get back there before the nurses call out a Shatterdome-wide search for their missing patient Raleigh Becket. The fact that nobody came knocking yet makes Chuck think that Mako probably took care of it and informed the med bay. She knew that Chuck and Raleigh had some... well, _issues_ to work through, and he knows her well enough that he's sure she checked where both of them were after talking to them. 

The thought of the med bay reminds Chuck that his dad is still in the drift with Pentecost - at least he was last time Chuck checked. He resolves to go to the drift lab this morning to find out how his dad is doing once he gets Raleigh back to the med bay. Maybe his old man has woken up by now. Maybe he even has good news.

Chuck lets his fingers card through Raleigh's sleep-tousled hair while thinking about all the things he'll have to do today. Around noon that reporter is supposed to come by to interview him and Raleigh about Operation Pitfall. Yesterday Tendo told Chuck about her making the rounds and getting interviews with all the pilots as well as some other personnel. Chuck is not looking forward to it, but he knows there's no way around it. So, yes, he knows how to play the press - he's been in the spotlight since he was sixteen years old, after all - but that doesn't mean that he likes it. And it's a totally different thing to be interviewed after a victory over the most recent Kaiju or to be a sitting duck in a hospital bed. Okay, so it's Raleigh's hospital bed and not his, but still. He doesn't like it.

On top of that, he doesn't think that Raleigh is up for getting grilled by the press. Not only is he physically still far away from recovery, but the thing with Yancy hit him hard. Really hard, in the place where it hurts most. His reaction to learning about Yancy hanging around shows that more clearly than any words could have. And while Raleigh and Chuck may have made up, Chuck knows that the topic is not off the table yet. Not at all. There's going to be more friction where Yancy and his involuntary residency inside Raleigh's head are concerned, he's sure of that. And Chuck resolves to kick Raleigh's arse real hard if he even comes close to cutting him off again. He won't allow Yancy to come between them just because he happens to be stuck in Raleigh's head. 

"You're brooding." Raleigh mumbles from where he's cuddled up against Chuck's chest, his voice rough with sleep. His fingers begin to draw a slow pattern on Chuck's skin where his left hand is resting against Chuck's chest. His eyes are still closed, and he's making no move to roll away from Chuck.

"Sorry I woke you." Chuck bends down to press a kiss to Raleigh's temple and enjoys the smile that comes to Raleigh's lips in response. The ghost drift tells him that Raleigh is comfortable and not quite awake yet, just enjoying the pleasant laziness of the moment. He's also gathering his floating and disseminated memories to regain his bearings, to remember where he is and how he got here. The only thing he never needs to check is his connection to Chuck, it seems to be the one thing not affected by his memory lapses. He just always recognises Chuck and the bond, probably because it's an active, ongoing sensation. Chuck hasn't given it too much thought, he doesn't question the good things any longer. He simply appreciates them.

"What were you brooding about?" Raleigh asks quietly, his breath a warm tickle against Chuck's throat.

For a moment Chuck is considering to evade the question, or at least to leave out the part about Yancy, because he really _really_ doesn't want to a repeat of last time. But he figures that they'll get to this point again pretty soon, so it's better to face the issue head on, right now, right here, and get it out of the way. See if both he and Raleigh really did learn their lesson.

"I was thinking about the past two days. You. Yancy. This whole messed up situation." Chuck admits quietly. He's nervous because he's not sure how Raleigh will react, but he's also determined to see it through.

Raleigh's fingers still against Chuck's skin, his body tenses and suddenly he's fully awake. Mentioning Yancy seems to have the effect of a bucket of ice water on him, in body and mind, Chuck thinks with a sigh. But Chuck also notices that the mental shields don't come up when he mentions Yancy. They flicker, but they don't fully establish. He can tell that Raleigh is making a conscious effort to keep them down, to keep the ghost drift open and his mind unshielded. Then Raleigh's fingers begin to move again, taking up the mindless pattern they were drawing on Chuck's chest before Yancy's name came up. Chuck feels goosebumps spread all over his body, caused not only by the light touch but also by the sudden anticipation of Raleigh's reaction.

"I still want to punch him, you know." Raleigh remarks dryly, and Chuck is sure he's not imagining the anger he can hear in his voice because he can actually feel it over the ghost drift as well. _That_ he didn't expect. Chuck is glad when Raleigh continues talking because he really doesn't know what to say right now. "He overstepped his boundaries when he shared my memories of the hospital with you. Protective big brother or not, he had no right to hurt you like that. Especially because he must have known what it would do to you."

There's still anger simmering in Raleigh's voice, and his words are clipped. Chuck wonders if maybe Yancy's actions pushed him off the mental pedestal Raleigh had put him on ever since his death. Made him human again in Raleigh's mind, not just a symbol of Raleigh's failure. 

"Don't get me wrong, I love him and I always will, but he tends to go too far when he thinks he has to protect me." Raleigh grumbles. "Drove me nuts for years."

"I can't say I know the feeling, being an only child, but isn't that the job of an older brother?" Chuck asks with a smirk, trying to ease the tension. "Driving the younger siblings nuts?"

An involuntary smile tugs on Raleigh's lips. "I guess so."

"I know why you're angry, Rals, but you've got to see it from his perspective, too." Chuck can't quite believe he's defending Yancy, but he knows he has to. Raleigh doesn't remember Yancy's haunted eyes when he talked about the time he watched Raleigh in the hospital after Knifehead, but Chuck does. And even if he can't say he appreciates what Yancy did to him, Chuck understands why he did it. "He didn't know if he was ever going to get another chance. It might have been the only time he could communicate. You know, the only chance to protect you from ever reaching that point again."

Raleigh is quiet for a long time, his eyes searching Chuck's. His palm is resting against Chuck's chest, all movement stilled, but the pressure is still firm. His hand feels warm on Chuck's skin that is chilled from the cool air in the quarters. Chuck feels the turmoil in Raleigh's mind over the ghost drift, a feeling here and an image there, too quick to grasp.

"He _hurt_ you. _Intentionally_." Raleigh says finally, his gaze hard and his voice pressed as if he's holding back to keep from shouting. Chuck feels a shiver run down his back. This is a side of Raleigh he hasn't seen so far. It shows how dangerous he can be, that his friendliness will end the second he sees the people he cares about being threatened. It's intensely possessive and... _protective_. Never mind his battered and banged up condition, never mind that he can't actually do anything about it because he can't even talk to Yancy. He's _still_ protective of Chuck. 

Chuck swallows against the strange feelings that course through him. He's not used to anybody being protective of him. He's always fought his own battles, and when his dad tried to stand in, Chuck chased him away with sharp, biting comments that he aimed to hurt. He's not weak, he can fight for himself, he doesn't need anybody to do it for him. But with Raleigh, he knows that he doesn't stand a chance. Raleigh can't be chased away, _won't_ be, and he'll be protective of Chuck, no matter if Chuck approves or not. It takes a while to accept that fact, to accept that somebody lays the exact same claim on him that he lays on them. Raleigh will be just as protective of Chuck as Chuck knows he is of Raleigh. It's a two-way street. 

Equals. Partners. The foundation of a perfect match. 

Oh man, it's too early for earth-shattering revelations. He hasn't even had any coffee yet. Chuck licks his dry lips and nods slowly, forcing his thoughts back to the conversation at hand. "He did. Hurt me. But I don't resent him for it, Rals. In fact, I think he did me a favour. Made me realise things I might have denied - ignored - for a long time otherwise. We both know I can be stubborn, and that goes for ignoring things, too."

Raleigh's lips are pressed into a thin line, but Chuck can see in his eyes that he knows Chuck is right.

"We probably wouldn't be here right now if he hadn't, you know, hit me over the head with you memories." Chuck admits with an uneasy shrug. He never liked admitting his faults. "You'd be wallowing in misery in the med bay because I never opened the door, and I'd be provoking fights until somebody took me out for good."

"Yeah. Probably." Raleigh agrees reluctantly after a few seconds of tense silence. Then he takes a deep breath and lets it escape in a long sigh. Chuck can feel it calming his mind, can feel how the ghost drift calms down along with it. Another breath, and another. After a minute or two, Raleigh turns his head towards Chuck and holds his gaze, offering a little smile. "Thank you, Charlie."

Chuck smiles and lets his fingers card through Raleigh's messy hair. "You're welcome."

There's a moment of silence, not exactly peaceful but not tense either, something like a transition, a moment to sort through their thoughts, put them in order and store them where they belong. Raleigh has closed his eyes, his expression a lot more relaxed than a few minutes ago, his hand still settled against Chuck's chest as if he needs to retain the physical connection.

"We need to be in the med bay by noon when that lady reporter comes by today." Chuck says after a few minutes, making it a point to change the topic. 

"Right, the interview." Raleigh opens his eyes again and turns his head enough to be able to look up at Chuck. "Do you know who the reporter is?" 

"Ahhhh..." Chuck frowns in concentration, trying to remember the name. "I don't quite recall what Tendo said. Some lady with a Russian surname. Sa... So... Soko-something, I think."

Raleigh raises an eyebrow. "Sokolov, perhaps? Naomi Sokolov?"

"Yes, that's it!" Chuck beams, then he realises something is off. "How do you know that? You weren't there when Tendo told me."

Raleigh shrugs, and Chuck can't help noticing that he's still doing it only with the uninjured shoulder. "I know her. From way back, before she became a journalist."

Chuck feels there's more to it. "Care to elaborate?"

"She was a Jaeger Fly. Stuck around the pilot hangouts and well, you know, tried to get somebody famous." Raleigh says after a moment. Chuck already doesn't like that chick. He's never been fond of Jaeger Flies. "She also hit on Yancy and me. I kind of had a thing for her - in hindsight it was flattery more than anything. But you know how it is, you're busy with training and time passes and well... Yancy slept with her, thinking I wasn't interested anymore because I didn't mention her again. I stumbled across his memory of it in the drift during a simulation. Needless to say, we lost to the Kaiju."

Chuck squeezes Raleigh's side where his hand is resting against Raleigh's bare skin, trying to be reassuring and encouraging. He's still learning that communication-through-touch-thing, after all. Raleigh gives him a quick smile before he continues.

"I think it was the last time Yancy and I got into a real fight. I mean, fists flying and ready-to-part-ways kind of fight. We didn't have many of those, only ever the normal sibling stuff. But that one was bad. We actually got in a brawl in a bar and kind of smashed the place." Raleigh gently shakes his head as if he can't quite believe how stupid they'd been. "We had made the second cut and were literally days away from active duty. Pentecost was furious."

Chuck whistled through his teeth. "I can imagine."

He never screwed up that badly in his entire time with the PPDC - okay, he came close with that brawl with Raleigh in the hallway in front of Pentecost's office - but he's seen others on the receiving end of Pentecost's wrath. It wasn't pleasant. There's a strict rule that pilots are forbidden to get in physical fights with other pilots outside of sparring in the kwoon. It's in place to prevent injuries that might take out a pilot - and therefore, in the worst case, an entire Jaeger. Breaking that rule was always punished very harshly to drive the point home. Chuck has a good idea how angry Pentecost would have been, especially given that the reason for the brawl was a Jaeger Fly.

"It was Pentecost who set us straight again. Made it clear what we had in each other and in the PPDC, how much we had to lose. And he made us think about whether or not that girl was really worth it." Raleigh rolls onto his back and looks at Chuck. "We realised she wasn't. Both Yancy and I kept our distance from her after that. It was kind of a sore spot for quite some time, but we'd decided that the team was more important than some chick we barely even knew."

"And now she's here to interview you? Great idea, really. Talk about rubbing salt into the wound." Chuck snarls. Now he likes the upcoming interview even less than before. Who came up with the stupid idea to send _her_ , of all the journalists out there? Chuck wants to find the one responsible and give them a piece of his mind. He guesses it's either his dad, Amanda James or Tendo. A warm hand on his neck pulls him out of his growing anger and he looks down to find Raleigh's serious gaze on him.

"It's been eight or nine years, Chuck. I haven't seen her since. I just know that she became a journalist because I stumbled across the odd article she wrote. I don't really hold a grudge for what happened back then. We were all different before shit hit the fan. I'm not the same guy I was nine years ago. I doubt she's still the same person, either." 

Chuck just snorts, but doesn't say anything. Raleigh lets his fingertips caress the spot beneath Chuck's ear, knowing exactly how sensitive it is. Chuck can't help goosebumps spreading over his neck and down his arms.

"Do me a favour and don't eat her alive before she has actually said more than two words, okay? She's just doing her job - which is to present us to the world, and I'd prefer it to be in a favourable light. So give her a chance." He smirks. "If she proves to be a jerk, you can still gut her alive during the interview. I'll even watch and cheer you on."

Chuck can't help chuckling. The mischievous gleam in Raleigh's eyes is worth so much more than holding a grudge against a woman he's never even met. Still, if she does anything to upset Raleigh, he will make sure she never forgets that interview. And will consider changing professions. 

Okay, so maybe he does understand Raleigh's protectiveness, after all. Two-way street and all that.

"All right, I won't bite her head off. I'll reserve my judgement."

"I appreciate it." Raleigh retorts, the smirk still gracing his lips. "What time is it, anyway?"

Chuck stretches to grab his watch off the beside table. "Almost nine."

"Time for breakfast, then." Raleigh stretches leisurely, eyes closed and smiling, yet always favouring his shoulder. Chuck can't look away, he loves the contentedness that radiates off him in that precise moment. It almost makes him forget all the unpleasant moments of their earlier conversation. 

"Yeah. We should really get back to the med bay. I imagine they're not too pleased that you disappeared without a word."

"Probably not, no." A slightly evil smirk comes to Raleigh's face. "But when they learn that you were involved in my absence, they're not going to be very pleased with _you_ either."

"That's blackmail." Chuck complains, only half-heartedly glaring at Raleigh. He likes his playful side too much to seriously want to stifle it. _Especially_ after what they went through those past two days. 

"I know." Raleigh slowly gets up and throws Chuck a grin over his shoulder. He disappears in the bathroom and Chuck hears the water running. He smirks and follows Raleigh into the en-suite to join him in the shower. They have to keep it short because breakfast is only served til 9.30 am and their growling stomachs make it unmistakably clear that skipping breakfast in favour of shower sex is not an option. 

Chuck takes longer in the bathroom because he has to redo the bandage on his right arm, and when he comes back into the room, he sees Raleigh slowly slipping into Chuck's faded Striker-Eureka t-shirt that had ended up thrown over the back of the chair last night. He's careful not to move his bummed left shoulder too much, and Chuck can see the discoloured skin of his torso disappear underneath the worn fabric.

"Rals, why are you stealing my t-shirt?" Chuck asks with a raised eyebrow while pulling on his trousers and a fresh t-shirt.

"Revenge." Raleigh grins, pointedly tugging on the hem of the looted piece of clothing. "You stole my sweater, so I take your t-shirt."

"It's used." Chuck points out.

Raleigh just raises an eyebrow. "I know. That's the whole point."

Chuck swallows against the lump in his throat and feels his cheeks burning. He's aware of the goosebumps spreading on his neck and arms, and he suddenly gets what Raleigh must have felt like when he saw Chuck in his sweater.

Chuck licks his suddenly dry lips. It feels like a claim too know that Raleigh chooses to wear his _used_ t-shirt. It's oddly arousing. The t-shirt is a little too big on him, he's leaner than Chuck, but to Chuck that doesn't matter. He still looks incredibly hot.

"You're staring." Raleigh points out smugly while he finishes getting dressed. He knows exactly what he's doing, Chuck realises, what effect he's having on Chuck. That's the actual revenge, not stealing the t-shirt. 

"You look good in grey." Chuck makes an effort to sound casual, but he's not sure he manages. He quickly puts on his boots and then firmly walks to the door and pulls it open, ignoring his painfully hot cheeks. He knows he's blushing, and for the umpteenth time Chuck curses his complexion. "Come on now, let's get something to eat."

The soft chuckle behind him makes hot shivers course through him, but Chuck remains firm and points at the door. "Breakfast, Rals. Now."

Half an hour later they're back in the med bay, only to be greeted by the chiding gaze of the charge nurse. She orders Raleigh back into his room and informs him that Doc Nash will be with him shortly. It's clear she disapproves of Raleigh's disappearing act of last night. There will be hell to pay, and Chuck is really glad they'll be out of here by tomorrow. You should never get on the wrong side of the nursing staff.

Chuck accompanies Raleigh to his room and waits until he's sitting on his freshly made bed before he chuckles and say, "Now be a good boy and allow the nurses and the docs to poke and prod you like you know they love to do."

Raleigh just rolls his eyes, but he's smiling. "And where are you going?"

"Drift lab. I want to check on my dad. See if he came out of the drift with Pentecost." Chuck explains, his fingers playing with hem of the t-shirt Raleigh stole. Raleigh really does look good in it. Okay, Chuck admits he might be biased. 

"You're worried." Raleigh says quietly, not making it a question.

"Last time I checked, he was already under for ten hours." Chuck replies instead of admitting that, yes, he is indeed worried. Raleigh knows it anyway, he can probably feel it clear as day over the ghost drift. 

"Go then, check on him. I'll be here." He leans forward and pulls Chuck close to press a kiss against his temple. 

"I'll see you later." Chuck says with a little smile before he leaves the room. He takes the fastest route to the drift lab and finds Doc Lightcap sitting in front of a row of screens showing graphs and numbers. She's bent over a tablet and murmuring to herself, a cup of coffee in her hand that she seems to have forgotten about. 

"Hey Doc." Chuck greets her and she turns around on her swivel chair at the sound of his voice.

"Hello Chuck. Are you looking for your father?" Doc Lightcap asks, not the least surprised to see him, and Chuck nods. "He's not here anymore. He came out of the drift about an hour ago."

Okay, so far, so good. If his dad walked off on his own - and more importantly, if Doc Lightcap _let_ him - then he's okay. "How long was he under?"

"Close to sixteen hours." 

Chuck whistles through his teeth. That's long, even for a perfect match. The only ones usually capable of such long drifts are the Kaidanovskys, with their record at eighteen hours. This is a close second, then.

"Physically, he and Pentecost are fine, but I had the impression your father was a bit shaken." Doc Lightcap continues and holds his gaze as if trying to make a point. "He left while Pentecost was still here in the lab after I told him I'd take care of getting the Marshal back to the medical bay."

Maybe his dad isn't _quite_ so okay. Usually he'd never have left before escorting Pentecost back to the med bay himself. There's an uneasy feeling somewhere deep in Chuck's stomach that he identifies as nagging worry. He knows Doc Lightcap shares that worry, but she knows Herc well enough to know when to leave him alone. Chuck was never that considerate, and he's not going to start now.

"Did he say anything about what happened in the drift?" Recon is always a good place to start, Chuck decides.

"No. He didn't look too good when he came out of it, so I told him to get some rest and come back when he's ready." Now she even looks worried. "I haven't heard from him since, but it's not been that long. He could be sleeping."

No, he's not sleeping, or he would have come to his and Chuck's shared quarters. Knowing that actually worsens the worry. "Do you know where he went?" 

"No, but I think he needed a moment to regroup." Doc Lightcap replies with a pointed glance. It's clear she expects him to make sure his dad is all right. 

"Okay." Chuck nods, already going through all the possible spots his dad could choose to be alone. "Thanks, Doc."

He feels her concerned gaze following him until he's out of her line of sight. Something must have happened. Question is if it's something good or something bad. It can't be too bad, nothing threatening Pentecost's well-being, or his dad would have said something to Doc Lightcap immediately. And he most certainly wouldn't have left Pentecost alone.

So, he's not in the shared quarters, or he would have run into Chuck and Raleigh this morning. And he's not in the med bay either because Pentecost was still in the drift lab by the time he left, so there would be no reason for him to go to the med bay. Meaning he's either in the kwoon, the Jaeger bay or Pentecost's office. Chuck opts to check the office first because it's closest to his current location and the best place to be left alone. 

The door to the office is firmly closed when Chuck gets there. When his dad is in, he usually adheres to Pentecost's habit of leaving the door ajar to let people know it's okay to come in. So either he's not in or he really doesn't want to be disturbed. Neither option sounds very promising.

Chuck stands in front of the metal door for a moment, wondering whether he should knock or just barge in. He doesn't want to risk giving his dad a chance to deny him entry, so he goes with a compromise that consists of not knocking, slowly pushing the door open and announcing his presence by asking, "Dad? You here?"

Chuck hears the rustling of clothes like somebody straightening followed by the familiar sound of his dad's heavy boots on the concrete floor. Chuck slides into the office and makes sure to firmly close the door behind him. Whatever is going to come next, he's sure neither he nor his dad want any witnesses.

"Hey dad." Chuck offers when he spots his dad by the desk. 

"Morning, Chuck." Herc replies evenly. His voice may sound normal, but at the sight of him Chuck suddenly understands what Doc Lightcap meant when she said his dad seemed shaken. He really doesn't look too good. There are dark circles under his eyes which could be explained by the exhaustion from a sixteen-hour drift, but there's also a kind of haunted sadness clinging to him that definitely doesn't have a physical cause. When Herc looks up and catches Chuck's gaze, Chuck feels a shiver run down his spine, and he can't even explain why.

"You okay?" Chuck blurts out before even thinking the words. He can hear the worry in his own voice. 

"Sure." His dad raises an eyebrow in surprise which makes Chuck aware that he probably wouldn't have asked that question before Operation Pitfall. But hey, and events like that, experiences like that, can change a person. Chuck knows he's still learning, still adapting, but he's definitely not the same guy anymore that he was before their attack on the Breach. It reminds him of what Raleigh said this morning about the journalist and him not being the same people anymore. He might have a point there.

"How was your drift-dream? Doc Lightcap said you were under for almost sixteen hours." Chuck strolls over to the desk, making an effort to sound casual. If his dad won't tell him directly what's wrong, then Chuck will find out by asking seemingly innocent questions.

"It went off without a hitch." His dad replies, leaning with his hip against the desk and almost suspiciously watching Chuck walk through the office until he's leaning against the desk too, a little distance away from Herc. "They're still going over the data they collected."

"So, was it anything like my experience?" Chuck turns to look at him, trying to gather from his reaction what happened.

"No, nothing like that." His dad shakes his head with an almost amused smirk. "I didn't meet any stranded drift echoes of dead people who controlled the drift, if that's what you're referring to."

"It's not the most pleasant experience." Chuck admits with a shrug, remembering Yancy's nasty habit of throwing him in highly unpleasant memories that weren't even his own. "So what did you see?"

His dad is quiet for a long time, then he sighs gently. "It's not my place to tell you, Chuck. It wasn't my dream."

"Who am I supposed to ask, then? Pentecost?" Chuck can't quite keep the provoking tone out of his voice. Some old habits die hard. "He won't remember, just like Raleigh doesn't remember."

"I know." His dad's reply is very quiet and he raises his hand to pinch the bridge of his nose as if he has a headache. He suddenly seems oddly vulnerable, and it reminds Chuck of the conversation he eavesdropped on here in this very office before Operation Pitfall. When he'd seen his dad with his shields down, his exhaustion and his weariness openly visible in his face and his body language, his voice tired. As if he was carrying a heavy burden that he couldn't share with anybody. 

Chuck hated seeing him like that back then and he hates it now. He hates knowing that he's part of the reason why his dad is so exhausted. Maybe now is not the time for digging, maybe it's time to try that quiet support thing that he's read about. Chuck isn't sure how to do that, but he'll give it a try. So far he and his dad haven't begun fighting, that's probably a good start. 

"Dad?" Chuck waits until Herc looks at him before he continues. "Can you at least tell me if it was good or bad? There are quite a few people here who are worried." 

Chuck isn't ready yet to openly admit that he's probably the most worried, but he'll let his dad know that he's one of those who worry. Herc probably knows very well that Doc Lightcap, Mako, Tendo and Raleigh are on the top of that list, too. Maybe reminding him that he's not alone helps him feel better. Chuck just hopes that this support thing he's trying to do doesn't backfire. He's not very experienced in supporting his dad, he knows way better how to provoke and hurt him. Now if that isn't a sad balance to strike of their father-son relationship. 

"Good. It was good." His dad says after a moment of quietly holding Chuck's gaze, his voice sounding sad and happy at the same time. He's looking at Chuck as if he's searching for something, but Chuck doesn't have the faintest idea what he could be looking for. Then a smile comes to his dad's face, equally wistful as his voice sounds. "Very good."

A shiver runs down Chuck's back. He can tell there's an entire story behind those two words, but he knows his dad isn't going to tell him. At least not here, not now. 

"I want to share it with him first, you know. Before I tell anybody else." His dad goes on, his voice still holding that wistful quality. 

Okay, Chuck gets that. It was Pentecost's dream, he has the right to learn about it first, before it gets torn apart by the drift lab scientists. Still, Chuck has to make sure that his dad is okay, so he looks at him again. "But it was good."

"Yeah." Herc gives a lopsided smile, but there's still sadness in his eyes. He watches Chuck for a long moment before adding, "You loved it."

It leaves Chuck stunned and lost for words. _He _loved it? He was a part of the drift-dream? But what the heck was he doing in Pentecost's drift-dream? Chuck's mind begins racing without coming to any conclusions. He's staring at his dad in what is probably a very convincing impression of a fish on dry land. There are so many questions popping up in his head that he can't grasp them all, and he knows his dad is not going to say more about it anyway.__

__Herc chuckles, and Chuck is relieved to see the good humour return to his eyes. "Want to eat dinner together tonight, Chuck? I'll ask Mako, too."_ _

__Chuck has still not entirely regained his focus, so he replies automatically, "Yeah. Sure."_ _

__"Good. See you tonight, then. Now get back to the med bay, Ms Sokolov is going to be there soon for the interview."_ _

__"See you later." Chuck mumbles while pushing away from the desk. Usually he wouldn't let his dad get away with ordering him around like that, but Chuck is still preoccupied by trying to make sense of what his dad said about the drift-dream. What the heck?_ _

__When the heavy metal door of the office has closed behind him, Chuck stands in the hallway for a minute or two and tries to shake himself out of it. What a morning. He passes his hand over his face with a sigh. It's _still_ too early for earth-shattering revelations. _ _

__He needs more coffee._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this fic! I dearly hope someone is still reading this after such a long break... *anxiously gnaws on her fingernails and hopes for the odd comment*
> 
> And to give you something to look forward to, I'll let you know that I have further four fics in the works (so far some 19.000 words). So, yeah, this series is far from over. Let's hope my studies won't interfere as much as they did last year... -_-V


	36. Welcome Back (Stacker/Herc, Chuck & Herc)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the eighth day after the closure of the Breach, PPDC Marshal Stacker Pentecost finally opens his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go, the next chapter - and it didn't take me a year to post it! I'm so proud of myself... XD I hope I can get more posted before my studies are bound to swallow me up again...

_Hong Kong Shatterdome, January 20th 2025_

 

Herc wakes with a headache. It takes him a while to fight his way through the cobwebs of sleep that don't want to let him go, and when he finally opens his eyes to the dimmed light of Stacker's med bay room he feels the low, throbbing pain spread through his entire head. He sighs and closes his eyes again. It's going to be one of _those_ days, he just knows it.

He's tired, exhausted even, not only from the side effects that Operation Pitfall had on his body, but also from the stress of the past two weeks. He's been so busy that he doesn't quite know how he actually manages to get _anything_ done. He's utterly grateful for the support he receives from everybody around him, especially Mako and Tendo who subtly but firmly take anything off his plate that they know they can do just as well. Yet the fact remains that he dove into work head over heels while still being injured, and he never took the time to actually rest and allow his body to heal and recharge. Now that's coming back to bite him in the arse. The fact that Stacker hasn't woken up is only making things worse, because Herc misses his strength, his reassurance in his mind, the feeling that he can let go and lean on Stacker for a while. Instead he has to be strong all on his own, for himself and Stacker, for Mako and Chuck, for the entire PPDC. It's slowly draining his already depleted energy reserves.

Herc turns around so that he can bury his nose against the warmth of Stacker's neck. He takes a deep breath, feels Stacker's scent wrap all around him and it eases some of the tension he can already feel building in his shoulders. The only thing that helps him recharge is the time he spends cuddled up to Stacker every night. The physical closeness makes him relax and allows him to forget about the strains of the day, at least for a few hours. The peaceful silence filling the ghost drift is slowly driving him crazy, though. He wants to feel the quick and precise activity of Stacker's mind instead, the odd mental touch meant to just make him feel good, the humming feeling of love and affection that steadily resonates in their connection. Now there's just this serene, peaceful quiet. It's not a bad feeling, it's just not what he wants, what he _needs_. If he didn't know where Stacker is, how good the place is he's living in right now, Herc would be climbing the walls. 

He doesn't know how much longer he can keep it up, though. He probably should take a day or two to just stay here in bed with Stacker and allow his still battered body to relax and his mind to wallow in the quiet peacefulness of the ghost drift. He's even tempted to enter a second drift with Stacker, although he knows it's a bad idea. He won't do it, but he's oh so tempted. He just needs to hear Stacker's voice again, to see his face alive with expression instead of still and relaxed in unconsciousness. The idea of stepping back into that perfect world Stacker's mind made up is a temptation that's very hard to resist, but Herc knows that the risk that he won't find the strength to leave again is too great to take. He has too many obligations and responsibilities in the real world to allow himself to get lost in a dream, never mind how beautiful it may be.

He'll just have to keep going, make sure things are progressing as they should and that the PPDC stays alive. One day Stacker will wake up, Herc just has to believe that. He's just having a bad day, that's why his doubts are eating at him, and the headache isn't exactly helping. The world will look better tomorrow.

Herc slowly opens his eyes again and tries to breath against the pain. Time to get up and face the day. He gets up - slowly, because his body is always stiff and sore in the mornings ever since he woke up after Operation Pitfall. It'll ease with time, Herc's had enough injuries throughout his life to know that. But right now he's still in the phase of healing where the body seem to want to make a point that it doesn't like being hurt. Herc agrees whole-heartedly.

After taking a shower - which takes annoyingly long due to the cast on his right arm - and getting dressed, Herc walks over to where Stacker is lying as motionless as always in the hospital bed. He bends down to press a lingering kiss to his temple, just like he always does before leaving in the mornings, and lets his hand card through Stacker's short hair. "I'll be back tonight." 

Stacker doesn't react, and Herc grits his teeth for a moment to swallow the disappointment. He knows in his head not to expect anything else, but his gut is still reeling with hope, only to be disappointed every single time again. Herc lets his hand pass over Stacker's cheek before he leaves the room, forcing all dark thoughts and bone-deep worry to the very back of his mind so that they won't distract him during work.

The headache only gets worse during the day. Herc refuses to take painkillers because they always make him dopey and he can't have that while working, especially not with the journalist, Ms Sokolov, around. She arrived three days ago and is currently working her way through a timetable of interviews that Amanda James set up for her. Tendo is keeping an eye on her, but so far she's been a model guest and hasn't tried to do anything they'd have to object to. Herc likes her, although the fact alone that she's a journalist always keeps him on edge around her. He trusts Tendo's judgement, though, and does his best to relax at least to a certain degree. 

In the morning Herc sits through a meeting with another potential client for the new single-pilot mechas. Mako is along for it because she's the highest authority on those mechas, and the meeting concludes with an agreement that a contract will be set up as soon as the mechas have progressed to a point that allows selling them. It's not the first arrangement of this kind, and Herc is relieved that there's so much interest in the PPDC's newest business venture. It makes the prospect of financing the corps through the mechas a lot more promising, even if they're still months away from actually having anything to sell.

Two days ago Caitlin and Mako presented the official name for the new single-pilot series. They know they need one common term for the project to use during Ms Sokolov's interviews, and they want to make sure that the project gets off to a good start with the public. It's important that the name alone drives home the point that - contrary to the Jaegers - the new mechas are not meant to be weapons, Mako explained, that instead they're meant for science, work and discoveries all over the world. With a smile Caitlin had then announced the final result of many rounds of brainstorming: Civilian Explorers.

Herc noticed that there's already a nickname popping up since they released the name. He's heard several engineers as well as scientists refer to the single-pilot mechas as 'Civvies'. Herc doesn't like it too much, he doesn't see how a mecha can be compared to clothes, but he knows how useless it is to try fighting a nickname. Maybe he should choose to just understand it as an abbreviation of 'Civilian'. He still wonders why they couldn't have picked 'Explorers' as a nickname. It sounded so much better and, well, more dignified. Whoever came up with 'Civvies' should be punished. Herc has an inkling that either Newton or Tendo might have something to do with it.

Currently Ms Sokolov, Tendo and Herc are standing in LOCCENT, ready to go to lunch within the next few minutes. Herc is explaining to Ms Sokolov how the control system of a Jaeger interacts with LOCCENT in comparison to a Civilian Explorer when he feels it. It's a tingling in the back of his mind, barely there but still catching his attention immediately. Herc focuses on the strange feeling, not sure what it means. He's never felt it before. It's faint, but it's persistent. Herc stares into thin air while concentrating on the feeling, trying to pinpoint it, and then it hits him. He sucks in a sudden breath, his entire system flooded with adrenaline.

"Herc?" Tendo's voice indicates that it's not the first time he's trying to get Herc's attention. "Herc, are you okay?"

"He's waking up." Herc breathes, barely above a whisper. There are goosebumps spreading all over his skin, making him shiver. It's the boost of adrenaline, and before he's given it any thought, he has turned on his heel and is running through the hallways of the Shatterdome as fast as his battered body allows. He doesn't care what the personnel thinks about his strange behaviour, or that he just left Ms Sokolov and Tendo standing in the middle of LOCCENT without even the slightest explanation. 

Stacker is waking up. That's all that matters. 

Herc concentrates on the tingling sensation for the entire time it takes him to get to the med bay. Now he knows why it caught his attention. It's the first time since Operation Pitfall that Herc feels conscious thoughts seeping through the ghost drift he shares with Stacker. The quiet is broken by the faint whisper of thoughts, not coherent or focussed, but still, _thoughts_.

Herc runs past the charge nurse who looks up in surprise. She's most certainly not used to the current PPDC Marshal sprinting through the med bay, but Herc doesn't pay her any attention, the only thing on his mind is to get to Stacker's room. He bursts through the door without much finesse, his breath rapid more due to excitement than the physical effort. He's not sure what he expected to find, but it wasn't this. 

Nothing has changed. Stacker lies in exactly the same position as when Herc left that morning. He hasn't moved at all, and he's not moving right now, either. 

Herc tries to catch his breath at the wave of disappointment washing over him. It nearly forces him to his knees. Maybe he misread the signs. Maybe it was just his wishful thinking. Maybe he is all wrong, and Stacker won't wake up at all. Oh god, no, he won't be able to deal with that. Knowing that Stacker is right here, but at the same time completely out of his reach. Never feeling the warmth of his thoughts again. Herc stares at Stacker's unmoving form and swallows hard against the despair he feels spreading inside him like lead poisoning.

"Herc!" He turns around at the familiar voice calling his name and sees Caitlin walking towards him, her steps unusually hurried. "We got a change in the readings from Stacker's brain surveillance sensors. It looked like he was regaining consciousness..."

Caitlin stops by his side to peek past him into the room. Herc only now realises that he's still standing in the doorway, effectively blocking the path, his hands wrapped around the doorframe in an iron grip. He forces himself to let go and steps aside to let her enter the room. He's still wrapping his mind around the fact that the sensors picked up a change in Stacker's condition at the same time that he thought he felt him waking up. It gives him hope where before disappointment had threatened to overwhelm him.

After a few deep breaths to calm his racing heart, Herc follows Caitlin into the room. She's standing by Stacker's side, touching first the sensors attached to Stacker's temples before checking something on the tablet she's carrying. She turns towards Herc when she hears him step up behind her, her gaze finding his unerringly. "You felt something, didn't you? That's why you were here even before I was." 

Herc nods. "A tingling in the back of my mind."

"What do you feel now? Try to concentrate on the ghost drift and what you can pick up."

Herc is glad that she's taking the reins because he's not sure how useful he would be on his own right now. Hope and disappointment are still fighting inside him, and he's not sure which side will win. So he follows Caitlin's request, closes his eyes and opens his mind to the ghost drift. "The quiet is gone. There's... something. Not exactly thoughts like you'd get from a conscious partner over a ghost drift, though." 

"Are you familiar this feeling?" She asks and watches him carefully, taking notes on her tablet all the while.

"Yes." Herc says immediately, amazed that he realises it only now. "It feels like when Stacker would dream and I was awake. I'd get the odd image, but no train of thoughts."

When he opens his eyes, he finds Caitlin watching him, and he can see the wheels turning in her head. She knows something he doesn't. "Tell me, Caitlin."

"Well, it was always very unlikely that he would snap awake immediately. This isn't unexpected. It's a transition from coma into sleep and then, at some point, consciousness." Caitlin explains patiently while consulting her tablet again. She pulls up a graph and shows it to Herc. "See that break there? The pattern before is typical for unconsciousness. The pattern afterwards is typical for the third stage of the sleep cycle. It's one of two deep sleep phases."

Herc may not be able to read the graphs on their own, but he can immediately see the difference in the pattern. "So, what you're saying is that Stacker is asleep right now, he's no longer in a coma."

Caitlin gives him a huge smile that tells him the answer before she has said a word. "Yes. He's out of coma."

An almost overwhelming wave of relief courses through him, and Herc feels goosebumps spread down his arms in its wake. He allows himself to indulge in the feeling for a moment, the smile on his face probably as radiant as it feels. Catilin returns it, her eyes sparkling with a mixture of happiness and relief. Herc puts a hand on her shoulder, and he's not sure it it's to share the elation or because he needs somebody to hold on to so that he won't sink to the floor. His legs feel wobbly, he's oddly light-head and he has the feeling of flying. It's been a long time since he experienced such intense relief.

Herc forces himself to get back on track, but it takes him a moment to regain the ability to speak. "What's going to happen now?"

"It's highly likely that he'll go though stage 4 and afterwards the REM period before waking up. Maybe he'll pass another sleep cycle, depending on whether he needs it or not." Caitlin's voice is light yet sure, and Herc is glad that she's here to guide him through this moment.

"But technically we could wake him at any time?" He asks, just to be clear that he understood this correctly and is not indulging in false hope. 

Caitlin nods. "We could. But I think we should let him wake on his own time."

It goes against everything Herc craves right now, but he grits his teeth and nods. He's been patient for eight days, he can be patient for a few more hours. It's Stacker's well-being that matters most, not his own impatience to finally see him awake, to hear his voice, to look into his eyes. Caitlin is the best on her field of expertise, if she says it's best to let him sleep, then he'll listen to her advice.

"He'll wake up, Herc. Maybe in three hours, maybe in ten, but he _will_ wake up." Herc is pulled back into the present by Caitlin's warm, reassuring words and her hand gently squeezing his arm. "Why don't you stay here with him, so that you're there when he wakes."

"I wish I could." Herc sighs heavily when he suddenly remembers that he just fled LOCCENT without an explanation and that'll create chaos if he doesn't at least let Tendo know what's going on. There are also two or three meetings scheduled for the afternoon... "There's so much I still have to do..."

Caitlin nods, she knows what he's talking about since she's been in the middle of it since day one of reviving the PPDC. "Then get things organised for the day and come back as soon as you can. I'll stay with him until you're back."

Herc stares at Stacker, undecided for once. Inside him, his urge to stay with Stacker is battling with his sense of duty. Caitlin squeezes his arm again.

"It'll be at least two or three more hours before he wakes up, Herc." Caitlin reassures him firmly. "Go and do what you must. Only then will your mind be able to focus entirely on Stacker when you're back here."

Herc chuckles. "You know me too well, Cait."

She smirks. "I've known you for ten years. I learned a thing or two about you."

Herc turns to her and holds her gaze. "Thank you, Caitlin."

He's not just taking about the current situation, and she knows it. She smiles and gives him a little nod. "You're welcome, Herc."

Before he leaves the room, Herc steps up to the bed and presses a lingering kiss to Stacker's temple, well aware that Caitlin's smiling gaze is following him. 

The first thing Herc does is finding Mako. She deserves to hear the good news first. He doesn't have to search for long, he actually comes across her at the entrance to the med bay. Her step is hurried as she's entering the hallway, the expression on her face a mixture of confusion and worry. It's obvious that she was on her way to see Stacker, which means that Tendo must have understood what happened and told her about it.

"Mako. I was just going to get you." Herc says when he comes to stand in front of her. She stands at ease immediately, seemingly relaxed, but Herc can feel the tension in her posture. She knows something happened to Stacker, but she doesn't know whether it's good or bad. 

"Is it Sensei?" she asks in a quiet voice, carefully devoid of emotion, as if she's steeling herself for bad news.

Herc nods and decides to get straight to the point. He doesn't want to torture her with uncertainty. "He's out of coma. He hasn't woken up yet, he's still asleep, but he's not in a coma anymore, Mako."

The tension suddenly eases out of Mako's shoulders and a huge smile spreads over he face. It's a sight Herc has never experienced before, the open and unshielded emotion on her face, the glistering of tears of relief in her eyes, the honest happiness radiating off her. This is not the tightly controlled woman he's become used to. It's then that he really and truly understands how much the worry and the fear for Stacker weighed her down. 

"Caitlin is still with him. Why don't you go see him." Herc says, unable not to return her smile. It's infectious.

She bows, quick and efficient as always, but the smile is still tugging on her lips and lighting up her eyes. "I will. Thank you, Hansen-san."

Herc thinks he can see a spring to her gait when she walks off in the direction of Stacker's room, and it makes him smile. He stares after her until she disappears around the corner, then he shakes his head with a smile and turns to leave, feeling lighter than he has in weeks. Time to find Tendo.

It's exactly two hours and forty-three minutes later that Herc returns to the med bay. He spent the time attending a meeting he couldn't postpone and afterwards delegating whatever duties he doesn't have to take on personally. With Tendo's help he managed to clear the next twenty-four hours off any pressing matters so that he can spend the time with Stacker, and Tendo made it clear he would only be contacted in case of an emergency. Herc is again infinitely grateful that he as such a strong and reliable team in his back. 

When Herc enters Stacker's room, Caitlin is sitting on a chair next to the bed, typing away on her tablet. She looks up when she hears Herc close the door and gently shakes her head. "He hasn't woken up yet. You didn't miss a thing."

Herc is relieved to hear that. He knows Caitlin would have contacted him immediately if Stacker had woken up, but he's grateful it didn't happen yet. He wants to be there when Stacker opens his eyes. He wants to be the first thing Stacker sees.

Caitlin gets up and vacates the chair for him, offering it with a gesture of her hand. "Call me when he wakes up, no matter what time it is."

Herc nods in agreement and sits down. "I will."

"Be patient, Herc. It could still take a while." Catilin's voice is warm and comforting, somehow making the wait easier because her professional opinion reassures Herc. If she says Stacker will wake, then he will. Herc can wait, he's become more patient with age, after all.

Caitlin gives his shoulder another squeeze before she leaves the room, the door shutting behind her with an almost inaudible click. Herc is prepared for a few hours of waiting, he brought his own tablet with the reports he still has to work through. He doesn't get very far before the door opens again, though.

"Dad?" Herc turns around at Chuck's voice. Chuck is standing half inside and half outside the room, as if he's not entirely sure he's welcome. Herc waves him inside, and Chuck quietly closes the door and comes to stand beside him. 

"Did he wake up yet?" Chuck asks quietly, as if he's trying not to be too loud. Herc is still not used to Chuck being considerate and forces himself to not make a comment on it since it would only make Chuck turn defensive. Chuck has quite obviously been making an effort ever since Operation Pitfall, and Herc knows he himself has to do his share, too. They're both at fault for the low their relationship reached over the years, after all.

"No, not yet. He's asleep." Herc replies, not bothering to keep his voice down because he actually wouldn't mind waking Stacker.

"But he's out of coma." Chuck says, and it's probably supposed to be a statement, but somehow it sounds more like a question.

"Yes, he is." Herc confirms with a smile that he just can't hold back. It still amazes him to realise that Stacker has made it. That they both made it, despite the odds of detonating a thermonuclear bomb strapped to their back.

"Feels good, doesn't it?" Chuck smirks down at him. 

Herc chuckles. "Hell yes."

"Yeah, I remember." Chuck is still smiling, but Herc can see the faint tension that entered his frame. Herc swallows against the lump in his throat when the words remind him that Chuck lived through the exact same thing only a week ago. There are so many life-changing experiences Chuck went through in such a short period of time, and most of it he did on his own, without Herc by his side. It explains why he's different, why he's not the man Herc remembers from before Operation Pitfall. He still isn't used to the new Chuck, however, still expects a blow to come out of the blue at some point. It's moments like yesterday's conversation in Stacker's office that slowly make Herc begin to believe that maybe there won't be another blow. 

"It's even better when he opens his eyes." Chuck continues after a moment of silence, then he smirks. "And within days he'll be back to his commanding self and kick all of our arses."

Somehow hearing Chuck say that, like he really believes it, makes Herc feel better. He chuckles and returns the smirk, allowing his gratefulness to show. "Yeah, probably."

Chuck looks away after a few seconds, and the faint red tingeing his cheeks tells Herc that he's a bit embarrassed. They're both not used to peaceful, even companionable conversations like this one, and Herc guesses that Chuck is as insecure as Herc about how to deal with this new development. Hopefully they'll get there eventually.

"I'll come by again later. Maybe he's awake then." Chuck gives Herc's shoulder a quick, unexpected squeeze and almost flees the room, as if it just got too much for him. Herc looks at the door that's slowly falling shut behind him and can't help a little laugh. He guesses they both still have a long way to go before they're really going to be comfortable around each other. But it's a start.

Herc picks up the tablet and returns to the reports he's supposed to read. He can't really concentrate, though, his attention is drawn back to Stacker like a moth to the flame. Herc finds himself concentrating on the odd feeling or image he can pick up over the ghost drift, trying to find a sign, _any_ sign, that Stacker might wake up soon. The fact alone that the serene quiet that filled the ghost drift for the past eight days is gone is a relief, and in the end Herc puts the tablet aside, closes his eyes and allows the dim activity of Stacker's sleeping mind to capture his focus. He wraps his hand around Stacker's, and immediately there is a change tangible in their connection. Herc lets his fingers caress Stacker's skin, all the while paying close attention to the reactions he can feel coming from Stacker. Every touch seems to spurn on his mind until there's the odd thought, mostly Stacker's senses picking up input from his surroundings. Herc smiles and continues his gentle touches, giving Stacker something to focus on on his way out of sleep.

Herc has lost any sense of time when he suddenly feels Stacker's mind clear, a second before hearing his name.

"Herc..." It's more a croak than actually his name because Stacker's voice is rough and hoarse with disuse and barely louder than a whisper. It doesn't matter, though, not to Herc. It's the most beautiful sound he has heard in ages and every single tone makes goosebumps spread all over Herc's body.

"Stacks?" Herc is aware how broken his voice sounds and he feels tears of relief prickle in his eyes, but he can't find it in him to care. All that matters is that he can hear Stacker's voice, that he is looking into Stacker's dark brown eyes, that he can feel Stacker's fingers twitch in his hand. All that matters is that Stacker finally woke up. Chuck was right, it feels amazing. 

"Herc." Stacker's eyes focus on him, sleepy but clear. For a few seconds he seems disorientated, then he suddenly tenses and his hand closes around Herc's in a desperate grip. "The Breach!"

Herc can't hold back the laugh that is forced out of his lungs. This is so typically Stacker that it fills him with hot relief. "It's sealed, Stacks. We did it. The Breach is sealed."

"Chuck? Raleigh?" Stacker's grip tightens even more, and Herc knows where that strength is coming from. Stacker is desperate, scared even, because he doesn't know what happened. Herc does his best to send reassurance over the ghost drift to ease his mind and calm him down.

"They're fine, Stacker. We all made it." Herc soothingly strokes Stacker's hair and face, trying to convey reassurance and a feeling of safety through physical as well as mental touch. 

It works, a smile spreads over Stacker's lips and the tension leaves his body. "Good."

"Go back to sleep, Stacks. I'll be here." Herc leans in to press a lingering kiss to Stacker's temple. He can feel how much this short interaction exhausted Stacker, so he sends another wave of warm reassurance through their connection to ease Stacker's mind. Stacker holds his gaze for a moment longer, then his breath evens out, his eyes close and he slips back into sleep, the smile still on his face and his body relaxed. Only his hand is sill firmly wrapped around Herc's. 

Herc watches him for a long time, never stopping the slow caress of his fingers in Stacker's short hair. It has grown a bit since Operation Pitfall, and Herc likes how it's long enough to slide softly through his fingers. He feels over the ghost drift that his touch is calming Stacker, allowing him a peaceful state of mind that helps him fall into a deep, restful sleep.

When Herc is sure that Stacker is asleep again, he writes a quick message to Caitlin to let her know that Stacker woke up. He informs her that it lasted only for a few minutes and that Stacker is asleep again. She asks a few question about his impression of Stacker's condition and what he picked up over the ghost drift before asking Herc to contact her when he wakes again. Herc has just agreed to it when Tendo is coming into the room, closing the door behind him almost silently.

"Hey Herc." Tendo greets him quietly and steps up to the bed. "How's he doing?"

"He woke up half an hour ago. He was lucid, and he recognised me immediately." Herc says, his voice pitched low, then he chuckles. "First thing he asked was if we managed to close the Breach, so I think it's safe to assume that his memory is intact."

"That's really good to hear." Tendo replies, the relief plain in his voice and face. They're all well aware that there was no way of telling if - or how much - damage drifting had caused to Stacker's mind. Him remembering things ss a very good omen, though. "I'm glad you were right."

Herc is confused for a moment, not sure what Tendo is referring to. "Right about what?"

"That he would wake up. You always told us he would." Tendo smiles, and there's heartfelt relief in his eyes. "I'm glad you were right."

"Yeah, me too." Herc sighs, but it's so quiet that he's not sure Tendo even hears it. Maybe it's best if he doesn't. He doesn't need to know that Herc wasn't always so certain, that doubt got to him, too.

"Take the day, Herc. Everything is running smoothly. We have it under control. So, don't worry and just... enjoy the moment." Tendo says firmly. When Herc looks up Tendo is smiling, but the expression on his face makes it clear that he means it. He doesn't want to see Herc back at work for at least the next twenty-four hours.

Herc swallows against the lump in his throat. "Thank you, Tendo."

Tendo just nods and quickly pats Herc on the back before he leaves the room as quietly as he came in. Herc stares after him for a few minutes before he forces his concentration back on the report he was reading. Now that Stacker woke up, even if only for a few minutes, Herc can finally concentrate again. 

It's almost five o'clock when Stacker wakes again. Herc feels it just like last time, only that now the process of Stacker's mind clearing to conscious thought takes place much faster. Herc sets the tablet aside - he's proud he actually got some work done - and stands up to get a glass of water as soon as he feels Stacker stir. He's back sitting on the edge of the bed just in time to watch Stacker's eyelids flutter a few times before the brown eyes finally open. Stacker's gaze flickers around the room for a second before unerringly finding Herc. 

"Hey sleepyhead." Herc smiles and squeezes Stacker's hand. He doesn't have the words to describe how it makes him feel when Stacker returns the gesture. "Do you want some water?"

Stacker nods after a moment of just staring at Herc as if he's trying to remember every detail of his face. As if he hasn't seen him in a long time, which is kind of true, Herc guesses. His gaze is so intense that it freezes Herc on the spot, the glass of water completely forgotten. Herc can't look away, he doesn't ever _want_ to look away. Stacker raises his hand - slowly, as if it takes a lot of effort just to move his arm - and when it settles against Herc's cheek, cupping his jaw, it nearly breaks Herc. 

He draws a shaky breath and squeezes his eyes shut against the tears threatening to fall. It's too much, it's all too much. It's months of growing desperation leading up to Operation Pitfall, it's sending his own son on a suicide mission, it's knowing that neither he nor Stacker will survive, it's almost dying, it's weeks of watching Stacker lying motionless in this bed, it's the doubt if he wakes up, the fear that he won't. All of those feeling come crashing down on him the moment he feels Stacker touch him, the moment he feels his gentle reassurance and his unwavering determination over the ghost drift. Herc turns his head and hides his face in Stacker's palm, trying to just keep breathing.

"God, Stacks, I missed you so much." Herc doesn't recognise his own voice, it's so dark, so rough, so broken that it doesn't seem to belong to him.

"Come here." Stacker other hand comes up to settle on Herc's shoulder, giving it a little tug that Herc follows immediately. He lets himself be guided down until he's stretched out along Stacker, his head resting on Stacker's shoulder. He feels strong arms wrap around him, a safe haven that Herc has missed so much in those past eight days.

"I've got you, Herc." Stacker mumbles into Herc's hair before pressing a kiss to the top of his head.

Herc wants to laugh - it's Stacker who just woke up from a week-long coma, after all, and not him - but he doesn't find it in him. He just nods and buries his face against Stacker's neck and allows himself to let go for the first time since he woke up after Operation Pitfall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, was it what you were hoping for? The Stacker-wakes-up-thing? I know a lot of you have asked for it for ages (and were probably worried I'd never post it because the series looked pretty abandoned this past year) and I hope I didn't disappoint. There will be more about them finally being reunited, something to look forward to ^_^


	37. The Story of a Lifetime (Chuck/Raleigh, Newt/Hermann, Herc/Stacker)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naomi Sokolov gets the opportunity of a lifetime: Exclusive reporter for the interviews of the Jaeger pilots. Now _that's_ something she wants to write about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic actually spans a period of four days, and it begins the same day Chuck enters Raleigh's drift-dream and meets Yancy. Just so you're not confused as to what has/hasn't happened yet ^_^ I hope you enjoy it!

_Hong Kong Shatterdome, January 17th 2025_

 

Stepping off the chopper is like entering another world. Just like last time.

Naomi Sokolov looks around the immense expanse that is the perimeter of the Hong Kong Shatterdome. It's not her first time in a Shatterdome, but the buildings still amaze her to the point that she can only stare. It's no different from that time in Anchorage just a few months ago.

She still can't believe that she got this job. She, the independent little journalists with no major credentials. After her piece about "Why we fight", she decided to go her own way and write what she wanted to write, just like Tendo had suggested. So she quit her job and tried to make a living as an independent journalist, mixed with some blogging on the side. It didn't work too well, but that might change now.

She's not affiliated with any specific press, which is probably part of the reason why the PPDC contacted her in the first place. She's not obliged to write what a certain media empire wants her to, she can write things how she sees them and sell them to the highest bidder, who'll either have to accept her work or she'll just go to another press agency. And they all know it, including the PPDC. For now she's the only journalist the PPDC has agreed to grant access to the pilots of Operation Pitfall, and that's the most powerful argument she has. She knows it's Tendo's doing, and she appreciates it. Greatly.

When Naomi sets foot on the concrete of the helipad, Tendo Choi is waiting for her. A petite brunette is standing next to him, and Naomi recognises her as Amanda James, the PPDC'S PR lady, who she has already dealt with during her last assignment. She's no-nonsense in the process of representing the PPDC's best interests, but she's nice enough to deal with. Naomi thinks they'll get along just fine, especially since Naomi has no interest in doing the PPDC any harm. 

Tendo greets her with warm handshake and a genuinely pleased smile and so does Ms James. They lead her into the Shatterdome and to a large meeting room that offers an impressive view of the entire harbour. Only a minute after they have sat down, the door opens again and Naomi watches the current head of the PPDC walk into the room. His gait is fast and firm, but his posture is relaxed. When he offers his hand, Naomi gets up to shake it, and she can't help her gaze wandering up and down the tall man in front of her. 

Marshal Hercules Hansen looks like he's been through the grinder. Several times. There are butterfly bandages running down the left side of his face, covering a nasty looking gash, and she can see discoloured skin in black, blue and green hues all over his face and bare lower arms where his sleeves are rolled up. The right arm above the hand she's currently shaking is covered in a cast. She can only imagine what the rest of him looks like. He must feel like hell, she can't help thinking. Still, he stands tall and actually greets her with a smile that seems genuine.

"Ms Sokolov." His handshake is strong without being crushing. "I heard good things about you from Tendo here."

"I'm pleased to meet you, Marshal Hansen." Naomi smiles and finds that he's ridiculously attractive when he returns it, despite the bruises on his face. She's only ever seen him on TV, and she always liked his rugged charms. He's even better in person, she decides.

He's so different from Marshal Pentecost that it surprises her for a moment that they're so close. It's no secret that Hansen and Pentecost are the leaders of the PPDC and that they form an unbreakable team. Yet they're nothing alike, Naomi muses. Hansen's clothes are casual and nothing like Pentecost's impeccable attire of suits and ties. His smile is easy and makes her feel welcome, he seems approachable and human where Pentecost always gave the impression of a cold, strict general who didn't even know how to smile. Naomi still somehow always liked Pentecost, maybe because he gave her the feeling that the world was in good hands with him in charge. And while Hansen is very different, she likes him just as much.

"Thank you for offering me this job." Naomi says while sitting down again along with the others.

"Don't look at me, it was Tendo's idea." Hansen replies with another one of his easy smiles. "He recommended you based on your earlier work as well as your respectful attitude. I'm sure you're well aware that this is a delicate situation with basically all of your interview partners still in the medical bay with various degrees of injuries."

"I'm aware, Marshal." Naomi inclines her head and makes sure to maintain eye contact. "It's not my intention to harm anybody in this Shatterdome. I'm here to gather information and tell the world what happened and who are the people behind the closure of the Breach."

Hansen nods, and she can't help feeling like he just tested her. It's a strange feeling, and she has no idea if she passed.

Next they discuss the necessary formalities and Ms James explains the rough schedule for the next three days as well as the general rules of her stay. Naomi is provided with living quarters here in the Shatterdome, so she a gets an ID badge that will grant her access to certain areas of the Shatterdome, and she has to sign an agreement that she won't try to gain access to restricted areas. She's fine with that, she has the feeling that she won't have to fight for cooperation on this special assignment. They contacted her, after all, and they have no interest in keeping her out of the loop - it's the reason they asked her to come here, after all. 

She also has to agree to pass her work to Ms James for reviewing before publishing anything. That's a rule she doesn't like at all, but she knows they won't budge on that, especially when the Marshal tells her that he's not willing to see the privacy of his pilots intruded on. He assures her that they're not interested in censoring her, they just want to make sure that things that are private stay private. She really wants - and let's be honest, _needs_ \- this job, so Naomi grits her teeth and signs the agreement. She can't help being curious about how much - an which - information she'll be allowed to pass on. If it's really just about the privacy of the pilots, she won't have any problems. She's not a gossip reporter, after all. She's here for the serious stuff.

"Will I be able to talk to Marshal Pentecost, too?" Naomi asks once she knows who her interview subjects will be, noting that Pentecost is not on the list.

"No." Hansen's answer is unusually clipped and she's sure she doesn't imagine the shadow that passes over his face. "He's still in a coma."

"I've heard about that. It was mentioned in the news once or twice." Naomi is surprised how little information had made it out into the world, not only concerning Operation Pitfall but also the effects it had on its main players. She'll make sure to remedy that. "I thought he had woken up by now."

"Not yet." Hansen sounds firm and gives the impression that he has no doubt that Pentecost _will_ wake up again, but Naomi sees the carefully concealed worry on both Tendo's and Ms James's faces. Seems they're not so sure. It's quite obviously a sore spot, and Naomi decides to let it go for now. This is neither the place nor the time to dig into this topic. She still has a few days to address it.

It's only late afternoon, and they decide that there's enough time for her first interview, which will be with Tendo. He'll run her through the general course of events of Operation Pitfall. It's the framework for understanding what has happened, so it should come first. After Ms James and Marshal Hansen have left, Tendo takes her to LOCCENT and shows her around, then they settle at one of the unoccupied stations. Tendo explains the events that led up to the attack on the Breach and then tells her about Operation Pitfall itself. There's a surprising amount of pictures, videos and audio files from the mission, and Naomi can't help feeling her heart stop when she listens to the recording of the minutes leading up to Hansen and Pentecost triggering the payload strapped to Striker Eureka's back. The silence following the explosion makes goosebumps spread all over her body. 

It's early evening by the time her interview with Tendo is done. He shows her to her temporary quarters and invites her to meet up for dinner in the mess hall an hour later. She can tell her accommodation are typical Shatterdome quarters, plain and bare and impersonal. She's been in quite a few of those in her days as a Jaeger Fly. It's not her proudest memory.

After dinner, which is a surprisingly relaxed and cheerful affair, Naomi settles on her bed with her laptop and spends the rest of the evening sorting through her notes and the recording of the interview with Tendo. He also supplied her with access to the reports as well as pictures and the video and audio recordings from the mission to use for her article. There's a stunningly clear shot of the category five Kaiju that came through the Breach last. What was the name....? Ah, yes, Slattern. For a moment she wonders who comes up with the names for the Kaiju. She'll have to ask Tendo.

Once she's done putting together a timeline of the events, Naomi sets up a rough draft of the article. She hasn't quite decided yet what format to publish her information in. Maybe she'll stick to single post of interviews on her blog, maybe she'll turn it into a long overall article with interview excerpts that she'll offer to several newspapers. Maybe she'll turn it into a series of articles with a different theme underlying each. She won't be able to decide before tomorrow evening, when she has a better idea of what she actually has to sell.

She's already been contacted by almost every big newspapers and TV station in the world with requests for her work. Naomi smiles contently and leans back against the headboard. It feels amazing to know that they all want what she writes, that she has the choice and can pick who she wants, that she can set the price and they'll pay. This might indeed be her big breakthrough, so she has to make sure that her article - whatever form it may take - is above reproach. It has to be her best work to date. It'll be her audition, her admissions essay into the world of the big, important journalist, after all.

**********************************************************

_Hong Kong Shatterdome, January 18th 2025_

It's eight in the morning by the time Naomi has her second interview. It's with Dr Caitlin Lightcap, Miss Mako Mori and Marshal Hansen about the plans for the future of the PPDC. They tell her about the new Mark VI Jaegers for which the planning stage has already begun, and the small single-pilot mechas called 'Civilian Explorers' which are to serve in commercial and research functions. She learns about the risk of a new Breach popping up somewhere in the world and that the Jaeger Academy is being reopened so that humanity is prepared when the new attacks come. Naomi is impressed with the plans they've come up with and the energy that they put into realising them. The future of the PPDC alone is worth an article. Maybe she should consider the series approach, then. 

During the entire interview the recording device is running and Naomi takes additional notes of things the device can't pick up. Reading between the lines, body language, facial expression, impressions she has. And while she's interested in the actual content of the conversation, Naomi is also paying attention to the people themselves. She tries to get a read on them, to see beyond the first impression. 

First she - subtly, unobtrusively - concentrates on Dr Caitlin Lightcap. She's reserved and somehow energetic at the same time, and her enthusiasm is infectious. It comes out as soon as she talks about the new projects, beforehand she was just a quiet observer. Naomi tries to match what she sees to the image Dr Jasper Schoenfeld painted in her mind of Caitlin Lightcap, the brilliant yet depressed grey mouse that grew into a warrior, part of the first Ranger team ever. The woman in front of her doesn't seem to be either and yet both. Naomi can't help being fascinated. There's no question about Dr Lightcap's expertise on the subject of drifting, and she obviously knows what she's talking about with these future projects of the PPDC. She seems more scientists than warrior, though, and when she's not talking about her projects, she's strangely shy. 

Miss Mori on the other hand... well, she's difficult to read. Naomi is very good at reading people, it's a major part of her job, after all, but she can't quite pin down who Miss Mori really is. Fact is that she's just twenty-two years old, and yet she's not only the head of the engineering division of the entire PPDC and oversees the new Mark series as well as the Civilian Explorers, she's also a successful Jaeger pilot and an impressively skilled Ranger. She's Pentecost's daughter, and she definitely comes after him in devotion and intelligence. At first glance she may seem timid and submissive in her serene silence, but Naomi instinctively knows that's not true. When Miss Mori says something, it's clear and firm and there's no hesitation. She's sure of who she is and where she stands, and at the same time she's so utterly polite and sincere that Naomi can't help liking her. She understand a lot better now why the world took so fast to the face of the PPDC, why Miss Mori is held in such high regard by the public. 

Marshal Hansen is another fascinating person to watch. Naomi notices that he is completely comfortable being one of the team and has no urge to stand out or mark his higher rank within the group. It makes him rise another notch in Naomi's esteem. He only talks when he actually has something to say, otherwise he lets the experts take the lead. Maybe he's not so different from Pentecost after all. Not where it really counts, at least. 

Shortly after lunch, Naomi makes her way over to the medical bay. She's allowed to question the famous Ranger team of Sasha and Aleksis Kaidonovsky, and she's really looking forward to it. She's heard a lot about them, seen them on TV obviously, but she never met them in person. 

They're even more impressive than on TV.

Aleksis Kaidonovsky is quite literally the giant he always seems to be on screen. Naomi has to crane her head back when she shakes his hand in greeting, and she can't help thinking that this man could crush her with one hand. But it's Sasha Kaidonovsky who sends shivers down her back. She's quite tall, and she's intimidating in a way that Naomi can't quite describe. She's cold and intense at the same time, and Naomi thinks that getting on her bad side is even worse than getting on Aleksis'. Naomi decides she'll just make sure not to cross either of them, that seems the wisest course of action.

Plus, they're awesome. Naomi is not above admitting that she's kind of starstruck. The Kaidonovskys are famous all over the world, after all, renowned and respected for their skills as pilots and their successful defence of the Siberian Wall. They're fearless warriors and they're the first perfect match in the history of the PPDC - in short, the stuff legends are made of. It's the first time Naomi meets a perfect match personally, and she can see what it is that fascinates people about it. Of course she heard about it - who hasn't, it's one of those mysterious, almost magical aspects of the whole Jaeger affair that stuns people into silent awe. But now that she's faced with the actual people, Naomi feels that sense of unity that encompasses them, and she might even be a bit more starstruck that she already was. 

"Is is okay if I record the conversation?" Naomi asks and holds out her dictation machine for the pilots to see once she's sitting in a chair next to Sasha's hospital bed. Aleksis gives a quick nod but doesn't say a thing. Naomi muses that it's a good thing that she stills sticks to the old-fashioned tradition of taking notes on a writing pad, because Aleksis's non-verbal communication is rather hard to record on the dictation machine.

Sasha and Aleksis are both sitting on her bed, their legs dangling from the side. Well, in Sasha's case, Aleksis is actually able to set his feet on the ground although the bed is so high up. It's rather impressive. 

Naomi asks about the events of the attack on Hong Kong and is relieved that the Rangers are rather forthcoming with information. It's mostly Sasha who replies to her questions, Aleksis only joins once in a while. When they talk about the destruction of Cherno Alpha, Naomi picks up on the tension in both pilots. Sasha's voice is carefully neutral and Naomi can't fight the impression that somehow Sasha is hovering protectively close to Aleksis, although there's no obvious outer sign for it. Both Rangers seem attentive, but not hostile. And Naomi knows what 'hostile' feels like, as a journalist, she's met with hostility all the time. 

Naomi tries to dig a little deeper, subtly though, because she's sure they will clam up otherwise. As forthcoming as they might be, Naomi can tell that this touches them on a deeply personal level, and they won't share anything if she backs them into a corner. Instead she inquires about their injuries, most of which are openly visible, and learns that defending Hong Kong almost cost both pilots their lives. She hadn't known how close a call it had been. Sure, the destruction of the Jaeger was a very good indication of how serious the fight had been, and she'd seen enough video footage of the double event to understand its ferocity. But it's not common knowledge that Sasha and Aleksis almost drowned, or that they suffered Kaiju Blue poisoning. Most people probably think they walked away from that fight mostly unharmed while the opposite is true.

Naomi can't help her gaze flickering to the cast on Aleksis's left hand again and again throughout the interview. She really wants to ask about the scribbles she can see all over his arm. It seems so out of character that a man like him would allow such cute little intimacies - especially since there's no hiding them. The cast is in plain sight, after all. And so is the prominent blue snowflake drawn on the part that covers the back of his hand, or the Chinese, Russian and English scribbles that decorate the afore white cast up to his elbow.

"May I ask how you got all those markings on your cast?" Naomi allows her curiosity to show when she finally dares to ask.

Sasha smirks in reply, Aleksis just raises an eyebrow and replies, "Don't play poker with the Wei Tang brothers."

Naomi chuckles. "I'll remember it."

***

It's late afternoon when she steps into the medical bay room of the Wei Tang brothers. Actually, it's Cheung Wei Tang's room, but Tendo told her that all brothers kind of moved into it. She finds all three brothers engaged in a game of cards - poker, if she's not mistaken - and instead of allowing her to start an official interview, they insist that she has to join the game if she wants them to talk to her. It kind of throws her off kilter, but she doesn't allow it to show and instead sits down on the chair one of the triplets vacates for her. In her mind she hears Aleksis's dark voice warning her off playing poker with the brothers. When she watches one of the brothers deal the hand she wonders if she's in trouble.

She is. She knows for sure by the time she has lost her second game and they've managed to trick her into paying for her lost games by plastering little stickers all over her recording device, which she never got to switch on in the first place.

Naomi has seen the Wei Tang brothers on TV before, but reality is even more confusing. She can't tell them apart at all from their faces, just the different injuries make them distinguishable. They also have the unhelpful habit of dressing exactly the same - admittedly, that's not too difficult with uniforms - and she avoids using names when she addresses them because she knows she's going to get it wrong. Not that they seem to mind. Naomi has the distinct feeling that they enjoy screwing with her head. They definitely have a mischievous streak a mile wide, all three of them.

Since there was no dictation machine running during the time she spent with the Weis and she couldn't really take notes while playing poker, Naomi retreats to her quarters after the meeting is over and notes down everything that happened from memory. She's surprised how much she learned from them although they'd been playing cards the entire time. 

When she looks at her dictation machine that's disfigured beyond recognition by little multicoloured stars, various promo stickers and something that looks suspiciously like a pink unicorn, she can't help wondering if they somehow tricked her after all. Aleksis was right, playing poker with the triplets wasn't the best idea. It also kind of creeps her out that they managed to put an I-love-Crimson-Typhoon sticker on her notepad, especially since she never actually took it out during the entire time she spent in their room.

Tendo meets her for dinner again, and they're joined by a few other LOCCENT personnel. The atmosphere is relaxed and Naomi enjoys the easy conversation with the people sharing the table with her. They break up around 9 pm since most people have early shifts.

Naomi makes sure that by the time she goes to bed, all notes have been transcribed and organised, all ideas and impressions are noted down, the draft has been extended and is up to date. She's nothing if not organised, it's a lesson she learned very quickly on the job. Especially when dealing with so many people and so many different interviews, it's absolutely essential to know what information came from whom. Early on in her career she made the mistake of getting things mixed up. Let's just say it's something that won't ever happen to her again.

**********************************************************

_Hong Kong Shatterdome, January 19th 2025_

The next day, she's scheduled a meeting with the leading scientists of the K-Science section. Naomi is very curious about what she's going to learn today, not just from a professional point of view. She has heard a lot about the K-Science section of the PPDC, but it's mostly rumours. They're an elusive lot, those scientists, but what all rumours agree on is that they are rather eccentric. If nothing else, she's sure it's at least going to be interesting.

At first she sees Dr Hermann Gottlieb, the famous maths, physics and programming genius of the K-science section, who is working on a huge blackboard close to the door when she steps into the K-science lab. She doesn't get the chance to ask him very much, he's rather reserved and clearly isn't very fond of journalists. He looks like he wants to be anywhere but in the same room with her, and she wonders what Marshal Hansen said to keep him from skipping the interview altogether. Dr Gottlieb fulfils the scientist stereotype quite nicely, from the old-fashioned clothes to the eccentric behaviour, but Naomi is a keen observer. It's part of what makes her a journalist - being observant and inquisitive are very, very important skills.

What she observes is that he mellows where it concerns his lab partner, Dr Newton Geiszler, who is supposed to be a genius in all things concerning bio-technologie and -engineering. Contrary to Dr Gottlieb, he's not at all what Naomi expected. She thought he'd be the typical scientist, walking around in a white lab coat and insisting that everybody call him 'Doctor'. 

He is anything but.

The first thing she notices about him is his taste in music. It's quite difficult _not_ to notice considering that it's blaring out of a rather impressive speaker system when she first enters the lab. And it's not classical music. Not by far. Somehow she already likes him without even having exchanged a word with him.

The second thing she can't help noticing is that Newton Geiszler is covered in tattoos. _Kaiju_ tattoos. Now if that isn't unusual. Unexpected, too. He looks more like a wannabe rock star than a scientist with six doctorates under his belt. Very interesting.

The third thing that picks her interest is that he's not shy or reclusive. Not at all. Quite the opposite, actually. He's eccentric, no doubt about that, but in a completely different way than Dr Gottlieb. In fact, they're such opposites that she wonders how they manage to get along at all. At first she thinks they hate each other, but it's only ten minutes into the interview that she's convinced that despite their constant bickering, they have a very deep connection. Well, the old saying about opposites attracting seems to apply here.

The fourth thing she realises pretty early on in their interview is that Dr Geiszler doesn't hate Kaiju. He's fascinated by them, and she is sure she hears Dr Gottlieb mutter the words 'Kaiju groupie' under his breath. She has to fight to keep a straight face. Those two are hilarious. 

The fifth thing Naomi has absolutely no doubt about when the interview is over is that both scientists may be a bit strange, but they are indeed geniuses. She's absolutely impressed with what they tell her about the Breach, about how Kaiju work and why they've been attacking the planet. She can't help listening in utter fascination to Dr Geiszler's enthusiastic explanations and Dr Gottlieb's dry but no less passionate reasoning. The description of their drift with the newborn Kaiju - and here she notices Dr Geiszler almost affectionately calling it 'Baby Otachi' while Dr Gottlieb just scrunches his nose in distaste - and their subsequent findings is captivating and funny at the same time. Dr Gottlieb makes her vow that she won't mention him puking in a randomly disposed debris toilet after Dr Geiszler relishes in telling the story in great detail. She promises she won't, mostly because she knows he'll never talk to her again if she does. She offers to classify it as private and therefore not necessary for her article. He definitely relaxes a bit after that.

By the time she leaves the lab, Dr Geiszler has convinced her to call him Newt and insisted that she eats dinner with him, Dr. Gottlieb - who doesn't look too fond of the idea - and a few friends of theirs that night because it's his birthday and therefore she isn't allowed to deny him. Naomi wouldn't have said no anyway, these two are too much fun to miss out on. All in all, she thinks with a content smile, that was a very informative interview and two hours well spent.

Naomi grabs a quick lunch in the mess hall before heading to the medical bay for her next interview. When she walks in, a resolute nurse stops her before she can get further than a few metres down the hallway. It's a different nurse than yesterday, she hasn't met Naomi yet, so Naomi shows her credentials and explains why she's there.

She's got permission to interview the stars of the run on the Breach, Rangers Chuck Hansen and Raleigh Becket. It's one of the things she really looked forward to ever since Tendo called her to offer her the job, but it also makes her a bit wary. She hasn't seen Raleigh in years, and not once after Yancy's death. She really doesn't want to stir up painful memories, and she's sure he'll remember her. She's the one who almost broke up the Becket team, after all. She still feels embarrassed just thinking about how she behaved back then. She was a true Jaeger Fly, no doubt about that.

Once the nurse has checked her credentials and lets her pass, Naomi makes her way through the maze of hallways towards the room Raleigh is settled in. The fact that he's still in medical care although it's been a week since Operation Pitfall tells her more about Raleigh's condition than any words could have. She doesn't think he changed so much that he suddenly prefers lazying around in a hospital bed to being active.

There's a glass panel in the door to Raleigh's room that allows her a quick peek inside before entering. She sees Raleigh sitting on his bed cross-legged, talking to somebody out of sight. Naomi's hand stops over the handle and she can't help staring at him. Raleigh looks so different from how she remembers him, and that's not just due to the obvious side-effects of his participation in Operation Pitfall. What really stands out is the maturity that surrounds him. It is a stark contrast to the cocky, confident, competitive jock she remembers. Raleigh seems more quiet than she remembers ever seeing him, somehow relaxed and almost serene. She can't help thinking that he has grown up, but not only that, he has _grown out_ of the hero persona he wore like a second skin during his first stint as a Ranger.

It's probably no surprise that he's not that guy anymore. Naomi followed the events of Knifehead closely and she can't even imagine what the loss of Yancy must have done to Raleigh. She may not have spent that much time with the brothers, but she always knew how close they were. At least this time, during Operation Pitfall, nobody died or was lost. The physical repercussions of that last mission are blatantly obvious, though. Raleigh looks exhausted. There's a bandage on his left upper arm, disappearing under the sleeve of the faded grey t-shirt he's wearing and peeking out again at the collar. His skin is discoloured all over his body, although the bruises seem to be fading. There are little cuts all over his face and arms, some of which look almost healed while others are still scabbed over. What catches her attention most is his right arm, though. There's no bandage around it, and the reddish-white scars that cover his entire arm are clearly visible. 

Naomi knows about the principle of circuitry scars and how they come to be, but she has never seen them in person. They're strangely beautiful. An intricate, almost artistic pattern that is still so very obviously technical in nature, showing the paths the circuits take in the drivesuit. She heard that drivesuit burns are intensely painful and take a long time to heal with the scars never disappearing, but she still can't help finding them beautiful.

Just then she notices a movement out of the corner of her eye and she sees Chuck Hansen step into her field of vision from where he was hidden outside of the glass panel before. He's talking to Raleigh, his posture relaxed and a teasing smile on his face as he gestures with the DVD box he's holding. Damn he's hot, Naomi thinks immediately. That's one hell of a killer smile. She finds it interesting the _his_ entire right arm is wrapped in a stark white bandage, and she remembers being told that he suffered circuitry burns, too. She wonders if they are an exact match to Raleigh's.

When she realises that she's staring Naomi shakes herself out of her musings and finally pushes down the handle after knocking on the door to alert the two men to her presence. Their heads turn around to face her when she enters the room and closes the door behind her.

"Hello, Raleigh." Naomi greets with a careful smile, suddenly nervous about how this interview will play out. Right now it could go either way.

"Hey Naomi. I heard you were around." He actually gives her a smile, and it eases her nervousness. She's not sure what she expected, but most scenarios included more or less open hostility. They didn't part ways on the best of terms, after all.

"You're here to interview us, aren't you?" Naomi's gaze flickers over to Chuck Hansen, whose voice actually _does_ hold a degree of hostility. Or maybe it's just his general dislike of journalists, she's heard stories about that from various colleagues. He's volatile, they all agree on that. But he can also be utterly charming if he wants to be. What you get always depends on his mood. Naomi is wary what _she'll_ get. Right now, he doesn't look overly pleased to see her. His entire posture speaks of tension, the complete opposite to the relaxed ease he held himself with when she watched him through the door. The smile is gone, too. Now he looks dangerous, but Naomi admits to herself that it actually makes him even more sexy.

"Chuck." Raleigh says with a raised eyebrow and Chuck throws him a quick glare but doesn't say anything. There seems to be an entire conversation in just that one glance.

Naomi watches the exchange with interest. What most people tend to forget around journalists is that not just the spoken word is communication. Looks, facial expressions, body language, circumstantial impressions, it all comes together to form one big picture. And what she's seeing here is that Chuck Hansen is protective of Raleigh. Very much so, and he's not as subtle about it as he probably thinks he is. Naomi wonders if he knows about her past with Raleigh, then she realises that he must - they're co-pilots, after all, they have drifted and shared memories. It would be naive to assume that he doesn't know every dirty little detail.

"Why don't you have a seat, Naomi?" Raleigh gestures at a chair that's standing next to the bed and Naomi takes him up on the offer. 

"Thanks." She says with another smile and takes out her notepad where she has a list of potential questions prepared.

Meanwhile Chuck drifts across the room until he comes to stand next to the bed, reasonably close to Raleigh, and leans with his hip against the bed frame. Naomi is well aware that he positioned himself between herself and Raleigh, and although he's not blocking their line of sight, it is an oddly protective gesture. Possessive, even. Naomi eyes Chuck unobtrusively and wonders if he did it on purpose or on instinct. She can't quite tell. 

When she pulls out her dictation machine, Naomi looks up in surprise when she suddenly hears Chuck snort with laughter. Raleigh is grinning widely at her, too. It takes her a moment to understand why.

"Oh my, the Weis got you good, didn't they?" Chuck says with a grin that's definitely gleeful and points at the admittedly pitiful device. Naomi isn't even sure it's still working considering that the brothers didn't mind taping over the microphone, too. She scraped that sticker off last night, but she's not sure it'll remedy the damage done.

"Aleksis Kaidonovsky warned me not to play poker with them." She admits sheepishly and can't help feeling embarrassed. "I didn't listen."

"You should have." Chuck admonishes with a raised eyebrow. 

Raleigh agrees with a smirk. "Yeah, when Aleksis gives advice, it's usually pretty sound."

"Especially concerning the Wei Tang brothers." Chuck adds with a smirk that's slightly mean. "He's had his share of experience with them."

"Yeah, I saw his cast." Naomi chuckles at the memory of that very individual piece of art on Aleksis Kaidonovsky's arm.

"They totally screwed with him." Chuck reasons. "He's too good a poker player to lose to them without them cheating."

Although it was on her expense, Naomi is relieved that the tension eases after their discovery of her mutilated dictation machine. She was a bit worried that Chuck Hansen might bite her head off at some point, but now he seems a bit more relaxed. Not exactly friendly yet, but not quite as aggressive anymore. It's a start. She can work with that.

"So, assuming my sorry excuse for a dictation machine still works, do you mind me recording our conversation?" She makes sure to show that she hasn't switched it on yet and waits for their approval before she does. 

Naomi decides to start easy with those two, she doesn't want the atmosphere to suddenly deteriorate again. She asks them to describe Operation Pitfall from their point of view because that's neutral ground, it won't make them uncomfortable like the more personal questions she plans to ask later on. About their injuries, for example. She knows people are fascinated by the circuitry scars, so she's hoping to get to those later, maybe find out some things to clear up a few rumours. She also wants to ask them about their perfect match connection that she learned about from Tendo when he explained the events of Operation Pitfall to her. How it was essential for the success of the mission that they'd had both attacking Jaegers piloted by perfect matches. She wants the thoughts of the actual pilots on this, too. 

Naomi sees her chance coming to address the perfect match thing as well as their injuries when they get to the final events of the attack on the Breach. She notices that both Raleigh and Chuck keep things short and rather bland when talking about the immediate aftermath of dropping into the Breach. Naomi knows from her introductory interview with Tendo that Raleigh initiated a core meltdown after he'd ejected Chuck in an escape pod, and that it took a while for Raleigh's own pod to finally reappear. She was given the rundown of their injuries and she learned that Raleigh was in a coma for a day or two. But all of that is nothing but cold, clinical facts. She wants the story behind it, because facts sell only so well without a story to make them come alive.

She decides to go for the easy part first. "So, how did you find out that you are a perfect match?"

"Coincidence, really." Chuck replies with a tiny smirk that Raleigh returns. She feels like there's a joke here that she's not in on. "Let's say we just hit it off right away."

"We were matched only a few days before Operation Pitfall." Raleigh explains. "It only happened because Miss Mori was injured during the double event and I suddenly needed a new co-pilot for Gispy."

Now, on to the next interesting question. "How does being a perfect match influence your experience of your partner's injuries? Does the connection make a difference?"

Chuck suddenly grits his teeth, and Naomi notices how Raleigh's hand immediately settles on his lower back as if trying to calm him. Or maybe comfort him, she isn't quite sure. All she knows is that Chuck looks ready to either punch her lights out or flee the room, and it's probably only Raleigh's touch keeping him from doing either. Naomi feels her neck prickle in unease.

It's Raleigh who answers, and his voice is carefully neutral. Okay, she hit a huge sore spot there, and she wasn't even aiming for it. "Over the ghost drift you get feelings, sensations, the odd image. It's stronger for perfect matches and doesn't fade with time, like it does for normally linked Ranger teams. That means that we experience each other's pain to a certain degree, because we're always connected. I may have been injured worse, but since I was in a coma for some time after the mission, I didn't really experience the worst things first hand."

"He died, okay?" Chuck blurts out, his voice not only angry, but also laced with a pain so profound that it makes her shiver involuntarily. His gaze is so intense that Naomi wants to look away, but she finds that she can't. There are goosebumps on her arms and she fears she might have bitten off more than she can chew. "It servers the connection. Imagine it like somebody cutting off all your limbs, crippling you to the point that you can't move anymore, can't think anymore, and then fills your head with phantom pain that never stops and that you can never ease, no matter what you do. Even that doesn't come close to what it feels like."

Naomi has to swallow hard against the lump in her throat. There are chills running down her back, from the description as well as the quiet intensity and the tangible pain in Chuck's voice. She knows there's nothing she can say to this that wouldn't be a mistake, so she decides to remain quiet for now.

It's Raleigh who saves the day. Or at least keeps Chuck from strangling her. She can't help noticing that his voice is not exactly friendly either, though. "What makes perfect matches unique is that their minds become one during the drift. Obviously that means that there's always a connection between them, even when they're not engaged in the neural handshake. If you take that away, it's like you cut off a part of their very being."

"As you may imagine, that's obviously rather painful." Chuck adds, and his voice is sharp with cynicism. It almost makes her flinch. Raleigh's hand is still drawing slow, soothing circles on Chuck's back and Naomi is sure she isn't imagining Chuck leaning into the touch. She wonders what he would be doing right now if Raleigh's touch wasn't there to keep him grounded. She'd probably be toast already. He does look scary when he's angry, and he's not exactly known for reining in his temper.

"So the experience would be different for normally linked teams?" Naomi forces her voice to sound normal, but she's aware that she doesn't quite manage. She hopes that this question will lead them away from the obviously very sensible topic of Raleigh dying. She didn't know about it, that's why she stumbled right into this mess. It was neither in Tendo's recounts nor in the list of Raleigh's injuries, or she would have treaded a bit more carefully.

Chuck tenses and instinctively bares his teeth at her at that question and Naomi knows she just managed to put her foot in her mouth again. This interview is turning from bad to worse pretty quickly. 

"From _personal experience_ ," Raleigh replies slowly, looking at her pointedly, "I can tell you that it's different, but not any easier."

Shit, Yancy! Of course! Okay, this question was phenomenally stupid, she sees that now very clearly. Naomi bites her lip and forces herself to look straight at Raleigh although she kind of wishes the ground would open up and swallow her _right now_. "I'm sorry, Raleigh. I didn't mean to stir up bad memories. I didn't mean to hurt you."

Raleigh holds her gaze for a moment that seems very long to her, then he gives her a short nod that lets her know he's not mad at her. She's amazed to see some of the tension also leave Chuck's body at her sincere apology as well as Raleigh's acceptance of it. She wonders if that is the connection they were talking about, that sharing of feelings that allows Chuck to know that Raleigh isn't angry at her and that somehow eases his own anger. It's a fascinating concept that she never thought about too much before. She definitely wants to do some more research about drifting and perfect matches. But better not with these two. She imagines her standing with them isn't the best after this disastrous interview.

Naomi tries to get back to less explosive topics to maybe save her interview from being a total catastrophe. After a few minutes Chuck slowly relaxes enough to sit down on the bed, although he keeps his feet on the ground as if he wants to be ready to jump up any moment. Raleigh's arm is wrapped around his waist by now, his hand resting securely on Chuck's hip. Naomi watches them unobtrusively while asking her less personal questions, and she's kind of mesmerised by how comfortable they are in each other's personal space. It's only now that she notices that the old, grey t-shirt Raleigh is wearing sports a faded print of Striker Eureka's logo on the left side. Chuck's Jaeger, not Raleigh's. Probably even Chuck's t-shirt, she can't help thinking. 

And suddenly she gets it. They're _together_. As in, they're a _couple_.

Wow. Now _that's_ news. 

It takes her a moment to overcome her surprise and concentrate on the interview again. Still, in her mind thoughts are running wild. Suddenly Chuck's hostility makes a lot more sense. He's not only protective of Raleigh, he actually dislikes her because of her history with him and Yancy. She wonders if he sees her as a threat to his and Raleigh's obviously still quite new relationship. It's an utterly unfounded suspicion, really, it was never much about Raleigh, anyway. Yancy has always been more her type. The tall, strong, quiet one. Although she has to admit that Raleigh does fit this description now way more than he did back then, he's still not her type. He's too nice. She likes bad boys. Not that Yancy was a typical bad boy, but he definitely had a few rough edges that his brother didn't have.

Naomi is still stunned by the realisation that the famous Rangers Chuck Hansen and Raleigh Becket are a couple. Then she thinks that maybe she shouldn't be. Naomi isn't stupid, she has spent enough time hanging around Rangers when she was a young and superficial Jaeger Fly to know that the bonds of Ranger teams can go very very deep, no matter if they're related or just happen to be compatible. Throw the perfect match factor into the mix and the relationship is bound to go even deeper. In fact, she remembers reading somewhere that all perfect matches - well, there are only a handful of them known - are couples. Looking at the Kaidonovskys and Chuck and Raleigh, she's ready to believe that immediately. There's a connection between them that she has never seen in anybody else.

Somehow Naomi manages to get through the rest of the interview without offending anybody again. She's on edge the entire time, though, careful about which questions she asks and how to phrase them. She doesn't want to kick off Chuck's anger again. He's way more agreeable and forthcoming when he doesn't feel the need to protect Raleigh. She gets the distinct impression that he doesn't particularly like her - not that she can hold it against him after her series of missteps - but he's making half an effort to be civil at least. She has an inkling that's Raleigh's doing, although she doesn't know how he does it. Chuck even shakes her hand when the interview is over, and she catches Raleigh hiding a smile when he sees it. Yep, definitely his doing.

Still, Naomi is glad it's over. She takes a deep breath when she's out of their room. This was by far the most difficult, most painful and most exhausting interview she's had. A quick glance at her watch tells her that she has the time to go over at least a part of her notes of the day before she's supposed to meet Newt and Dr Gottlieb. She showers before dinner and takes the time to dress up a bit - it's a birthday party, after all. She also wants to show that she's there as a guest and not a reporter. She thinks she deserves some fun and relaxation after that strenuous afternoon with Raleigh and Chuck. 

Since she doesn't really have a gift for Newt and doesn't have the opportunity to buy anything in the Shatterdome, Naomi decides to make a quick sketch of him and Dr Gottlieb as she remembers them sitting in front of her during their interview. She's once again glad that she's always been good at drawing. It comes in handy quite often. Pity that she doesn't carry her proper drawing equipment with her. She didn't think she'd need it for this contract. Well, she has three different pencils with her, they will have to do. 

Newt loves the drawing. The hug he gives her is spontaneous and heartfelt, and Naomi can't help feeling like he just accepted her into his weird group of friends. He drags her off to the table in the mess hall that's quite obviously reserved for his party and plants her smack in the middle of the Wei triplets before he runs off to show the drawing to Dr Gottlieb. It's by total chance that Naomi catches the approving gaze the introverted scientists sends her a few minutes later.

The evening gets longer than she expected. It seems that the K-Science section knows how to party. So do the Russian and Chinese Rangers. And they party hard. No matter their injuries. Naomi is impressed.

It's almost one in the morning by the time Naomi sits in front of her computer and transcribes the remaining notes and recordings that she didn't manage to finish that afternoon. She's not even tired because the evening was great fun and she's still a little drunk. She knows she can't go to bed without sorting through the day's findings, though, because she might risk losing something, forgetting something.

By two am she's staring at the screen, still wondering what format to chose to sell her information. She wants to write a series of articles, she decides then and there, each of which will concentrate on a different aspect of what she learned about the PPDC and its people in the past three days. She wonders how she's supposed to do all the things justice that she knows now. It seems like an impossible task, and no approach feels quite right. 

She sits up straight and begins to type, allowing the words to flow however they want. The alcohol still in her bloodstream definitely helps. She'll sort through the results later. She always did like a challenge, after all. 

It's four o'clock by the time she switches off the lights and goes to sleep.

**********************************************************

_Hong Kong Shatterdome, January 20th 2025_

It's her last day, and Naomi wakes early so that she can go over all of her notes again before going to the mess hall for breakfast. She wants to make sure she asks any questions left unanswered, that there are no holes in her research she forgot to fill before she leaves tonight. She drinks four large cups of coffee during breakfast, her only concession to the very late last night. She's well aware that none of the other party guests show up for breakfast.

Naomi meets with Ms James afterwards to go over more formalities, then she's free to roam on her own. Naomi makes use of the opportunity to talk to the Jaeger crews involved in the attack on the Breach, from the J-Techs to the extraction crews, and then she speaks to some of the LOCCENT personnel whom she met when she was led around by Tendo. She doesn't only want to hear the story from the point of view of the big players, she wants all angles. 

At some point she comes across Tendo and joins him in LOCCENT, asking about the way communication between LOCCENT and the Jaegers differs from the new single-pilot Civilian Explorers. Marshal Hansen is in the communication centre when they enter and joins the conversation. Naomi listens carefully and makes quick notes on her notepad. She might just throw in an article about the technical stuff, it's absolutely fascinating.

"So this way we can..." Hansen suddenly falls silent, and Naomi looks up from her notepad to see why he stopped talking mid-sentence. There's a frown on his face and his gaze is unfocussed, lost in space.

"Herc?" Tendo asks, obviously equally surprised as Naomi. Hansen doesn't react, it's as if he hasn't even heard the word. 

"Herc?" Tendo tries again. "Herc, are you okay?"

Naomi watches the odd behaviour and wonders what's going on. It seems pretty out of character for Marshal Hansen, at least considering what she has seen of him in those past few days. He's usually a very focussed and sharp-minded person, and she has never seen him lose it like this.

Suddenly his head jerks around to Tendo, and Naomi sees his eyes are wide in what seems to be astonishment. 

"He's waking up." Hansen's voice is barely above a whisper, then he turns on his heel and runs - yes, literally _runs_ \- out of LOCCENT. Naomi stares after him with a bemused expression on her face that she sees mirrored not only in Tendo but also the personnel currently manning LOCCENT. 

"What was that about?" Naomi asks after a moment of stunned silence that seems to encompass the entire room.

Tendo is still staring at the door when he replies, his voice slightly disbelieving. "Seems Marshal Pentecost is coming out of coma."

When he turns to face Naomi, there's a big smile on his face. Naomi feels herself return it, the feeling of relief slowly spreading in her belly. She respects and really likes Marshal Pentecost. He may be a bit harsh on the outside, but he's a genuinely good person, she knew that ever since she first met him. It's good to hear that he's on the road of recovery, too. 

It's only when she's sitting in the mess hall eating lunch with Tendo that Naomi suddenly wonders how Hansen could have known that the Marshal was waking up. He was several storeys above them in the medical bay, and she knows that nobody contacted Hansen. He stood right in front of her, she knows he didn't get a message or a call. So how did he know?

Curiosity is a part of her very being, it's what makes her love her profession, and it kicks in full force now. She's missing a piece of the puzzle, she just knows it. And now that she found out about it, she wants to know _what_ she's missing. 

A visit. Yes, a visit to the Marshal would probably be the best way to find out what's going on. The question is how she'll manage to get access, and who to ask in order to be allowed on the med bay. She needs permission every single time she goes in - that's a bit over the top security, she can't help thinking - and the Marshal will be even better protected. She can't ask Hansen, first of all is he most likely _in_ the med bay and therefore out of her reach, and second, he looked like he had other things on his mind than a snooping journalist. 

So maybe she'll try Tendo, she muses while throwing him a glance over the table. She knows it's too early to ask now, though, she'll give it a few more hours. She's scheduled to leave at eight o'clock tonight on a chopper that'll bring her to the Hong Kong airport, so she still has a bit of time. If she asks to early, she surely will be refused. Let the first wave of action, of relief and hope calm down before she goes poking the bear.

Naomi makes good use of the next hours to talk with a few more people, then she retreats to her quarters to work through her notes and recordings of the day. It was quite informative to talk to the personnel who deal with the Jaegers and their pilots on a daily basis. She's glad she had the opportunity to do it before leaving. By six o'clock Naomi thinks she can dare starting her plot to see the Marshal. She has two hours before her chopper is scheduled to leave the Shatterdome, this is her last chance. She makes her way to LOCCENT first, hoping to find Tendo there.

She's glad she's right. Tendo is sitting at one of the stations going over some readings that don't mean anything to Naomi. She greets Tendo with a smile and inquires after Marshal Pentecost's condition. 

"He has woken up." Tendo's smile tells her even more than his words. "He's asleep again, but he's out of the worst."

"Have you seen him yet?" Naomi asks curiously.

Tendo nods. "A few hours ago."

"How is he?" She doesn't bother hiding her concern. It might even play in her favour.

"Astonishingly well, all things considered. When he was awake he was lucid. That's more than most of us expected." Tendo admits honestly, and it confirms what Naomi thought that first day: Not all of them were as confident as Hansen that Pentecost would actually regain consciousness.

"That's good to hear." Naomi smiles in honest relief. She had also wondered in what condition the Marshal would be if he ever actually woke up. She's glad to hear that he's doing well. "Do you think I could visit him? I'd like to see him before I leave."

"He has just woken up from a week-long coma, Naomi." Tendo says with a slight frown. She feels his protectiveness of the Marshal and knows she'll have to give him something before he'll even consider letting her into the Marshal's sickroom. "He's not ready to deal with the press."

"It's off the record. I won't mention a word of what happens in the sickbay in my article." Naomi looks at Tendo and tries to convey how serious she is. "I just want to see how he's doing. I value the Marshal greatly, I won't do him any harm."

So she won't be able to write about whatever it is she may - or may not - find out considering the Marshal and Hansen, but at least she can satisfy her curiosity. That'll have to do, then.

"Not a word gets published." Tendo repeats and holds her gaze firmly. "This is a friendly visit. As soon as you step in the med bay you're not a reporter."

"I promise." Naomi agrees, because she knows he won't budge if he has even the slightest doubt about her sincerity. He's loyal to the Marshal, Naomi knew that before, but now she understands that the leadership of the PPDC is more like a family than a team of co-workers. They'll protect each other - and right now, as a reporter, she's the threat.

"All right." Tendo turns to the computer terminal next to him and types something. "I just gave you clearance. The charge nurse knows you're allowed to go in."

"Thanks, Tendo." Naomi smiles at him. She is really glad to hear that the Marshal has woken up, and she's looking forward to seeing him. 

"Not a word." He admonishes with a raised eyebrow.

"Scout's honour." Naomi promises seriously, her hand placed over her heart. She means it. 

A few minutes later she's at the entrance to the med bay. The charge nurse is expecting her, but she still takes the time to check Naomi's credentials. The security of the med bay is paranoid even for the PPDC, Naomi thinks with a hidden roll of her eyes. She's still the same person she was yesterday, after all, and the nurse knows her. She doesn't complain, though. She knows it would be useless.

"Marshal Hansen is with him right now." The middle-aged nurse says quietly. Naomi nods in acknowledgement. She didn't expected anything else. She makes her way through the hallways again, but this time she has to pass a second nurse to get to the Marshal's room. She knew he would be well guarded.

When she gets to Pentecost's room, there's light coming through the glass panel that's typical for all doors in the med bay. Before Naomi can reach for the handle, her gaze flickers up to peek inside and she freezes on the spot, her gesture aborted mid air. Okay, so she knew there was something going on, but she didn't expect what she's seeing. Not _at all_. 

There are two bodies stretched out on the hospital bed. Hansen is plastered along Pentecost's side, his head resting on the Marshal's shoulder. Pentecost is lying under stark white sheets, Hansen rests on top of them, his boots discarded carelessly underneath the bed. Pentecost's hand - the one not stuck in a cast - is carding through Hansen's hair in a slow, soothing rhythm. They look utterly comfortable together, familiar and relaxed and at peace. Naomi is immediately reminded of Raleigh and Chuck, of Sasha and Alexis Kaidonovsky. 

It hits her with a vengeance. Stacker Pentecost and Herc Hansen are not only a couple - as if that in itself isn't already worth a story - no, they're a perfect match, too. She can see it, all those little telltale signs she picked up when talking to the other two perfect matches in the Shatterdome. Now that she has met the Ranger teams of Sasha and Alexis Kaidonovsky and Raleigh Becket and Chuck Hansen, she knows instinctively what a perfect match looks like. Hansen and Pentecost fit that description perfectly.

Of course! On her first day in the Shatterdome Tendo said that _both_ Jaegers were piloted by perfect matches. Obviously that means that Pentecost and Hansen have to be a perfect match, too, because they were the pilots of Striker Eureka. How could she have missed that before? It's not like anybody tried to hide it, she just didn't see the connection. She feels a bit sheepish for missing something that obvious. She's a reporter, she should notice clues like that. It's her job, after all.

Naomi pulls back from the door into the shadows of the hallways to regain her composure. It won't do to look like the excited journalist she is at heart when she goes in that room. She promised not to write a word about what she sees here, and she won't. Now she just has to look the part, too.

A few deep breaths later Naomi knocks on the door and gives them a few seconds before entering. It's not her intention to walk in on them or embarrass them in any way, so she makes sure to take a moment or two before she goes in. Hansen is sitting up in the bed while Pentecost is still lying back, and they're both looking attentively at the door. As soon as he recognises her, Naomi sees Hansen tense. Although he doesn't obviously move, it feels like he's positioning himself protectively in front of the Marshal's figure stretched out in the hospital bed. No matter the healing injuries that are still visible all over his body, Hansen looks somehow fierce, threatening and carefully controlled at the same time. It's a look Naomi remembers only too well from her encounter with his son. Seems to run in the family.

Naomi smiles reassuringly at him and shakes her head gently. "I'm here as a friend, not a reporter. I'm off duty right now."

She holds up her empty hands to show that she carries neither a notepad nor a recording device. She meant what she said, she won't publish a word of what she experiences in the Marshal's sickbay room. She respects him and Hansen too much for that, and she knows not to betray the fragile trust the PPDC offers her. 

"How are you, Marshal?" Naomi asks when she comes to stand beside the bed, next to where Hansen is sitting halfway on the edge of the mattress, still kind of shielding Pentecost. "It's good to see you awake."

"Miss Sokolov." Pentecost's voice is still rough from disuse, and she can hear the fatigue in every word. His eyes are clear and alert, though, and that somehow makes her feel better. "I heard you were tasked with the interviews of the pilots."

Naomi smiles warmly. "Don't worry, Marshal, I'm not here to interview you. I just want to see for myself that you're okay before I leave."

He doesn't look okay, but she figures that depends on your point of view. Considering what he went through and that he was in a coma until a few hours ago, he probably looks really good. His left arm is in a cast, just like Hansen's right one. There are bandages and bruises covering what little she can see of his arms and his face, the rest of him and his injuries is hidden by the sheets. She noticed that there are circuitry scars above the cast, but they look old and healed. All in all, she guesses, he could look worse.

"I'm as well as I can be, given the circumstances." He replies, watching her attentively. "Thank you for asking, Ms Sokolov."

"It's the least I could do." Naomi says seriously. "You did a lot for us, Marshal. For the world. We owe every single member of the PPDC more than we can ever hope to repay."

"Thank you, Ms Sokolov." Naomi sees how Hansen suddenly relaxes and then gives her one of his easy smiles. It's still as attractive now as it was on the first day she met him. "It means a lot that somebody actually sees it."

"I do see it. I saw it every time I spoke to somebody in the past four days." Naomi replies sincerely. "And I'll help the world see it, too. If I manage to do that, then I did my job right."

"It's good to know you feel that way." Pentecost acknowledges with something that might even be considered a smile.

"I hope you get better soon, Marshal." Naomi offers before she says her goodbyes and walks to the door. She stops when she's almost through and turns back one last time. "It was a pleasure seeing you awake. I know it means a lot to everybody here to have you back."

Naomi doesn't miss the way Pentecost swallows heavily and Hansen smirks behind him, giving her a nod that says 'thanks for telling him that' as clearly as if he had actually spoken the words. Naomi returns the nod and then closes the door behind her. She knows the Marshal isn't one to openly acknowledge feelings, and she doesn't mean to embarrass him. She just wants him to know what she's learned those past few days: that he's the heart of the PPDC and that he means a lot to people. Him waking up will definitely boost morale.

Naomi goes to the mess hall for a quick dinner once she has left the med bay. Newt spots her as soon as she enters and waves her over. She doesn't have much time left, but dinner is still a pleasant affair. Dr Gottlieb doesn't glare at her once, and she counts that as a win. He even offers her his hand when she says goodbye. Newt is not nearly that restrained, he pulls her into a quick but heartfelt hug and tells her to look him up if she's ever in Alaska, where they'll be moving next. 

Packing up her things doesn't take long. Naomi is used to travelling for her job, and over the years she became very good at travelling light. Tendo is waiting for her outside her room and walks her to the helipad when it's time for her to leave. They talk quietly all the way to the chopper, and Tendo offers her another warm and friendly handshake when it's time to part ways. Naomi gives him a real, heartfelt smile and thanks him not only for arranging this job for her, but also for the great time she had in the Shatterdome. She asks him to say goodbye to everybody on her behalf and then steps into the chopper.

Five minutes later the chopper lifts off the landing pad and Naomi looks back at the Shatterdome that slowly vanishes in the distance, the huge structure suddenly tiny and inconspicuous. She is surprised to realise that she is indeed sad to leave. She looks at her notepad and can't help smiling when she sees the large I-love-Crimson-Typhoon sticker that is covering it diagonally. She'll miss the rag-tag family that is the PPDC.

She knows there are a few things she learned that she won't mention in her articles, and it has nothing to do with the fact that Ms James might edit them out. She feels like it's not her place to tell. She's sure it'll come out sooner or later anyway - it's not like either Pentecost and Hansen or Chuck and Raleigh did anything to hide their relationships - but she won't be the one shouting it from the rooftops. It's up to them to do that, on their own time. They'll have plenty of opportunity for that with the upcoming promotional tour Ms James mentioned.

Instead Naomi will tell the public about the many men and women who make up the PPDC, from the LOCCENT officer to the J-Tech, from the scientist to the Ranger, from the cook to the Marshal. She'll write about the double event and Operation Pitfall, about the price the pilots paid for their service to the world, about the energy the PPDC puts in keeping up the defences of the planet against an alien invader species. 

And she'll do her best to do them justice. All of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my, this was very long, even for me. There was just so much to tell! I liked slipping into an outsiders POV, it was interesting to look at our Shatterdome-family with a stranger's eyes. I hope you enjoyed getting a bit of all the players in this fic ^^ Comments are love and you'll make me very happy if you leave me one - no matter how tiny! *offers cookies and tea*


	38. Happy Birthday (Newt/Hermann)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Newt decides to celebrate his 35th birthday in style. Nothing to raise spirits like a good party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again a long time has passed... Life's way too busy for my taste -_-V But no worries, this fic has not been abandoned and I will continue writing it. I actually have about 9.000 words of multiple fics for this series lying around on my hard drive waiting to be finished. I'll get there one day :D 
> 
> I hope you like the newest part! Let me know? *puppy dog eyes*

_Hong Kong Shatterdome, January 19th 2025_

"Did you have to do that, Newton?" Hermann growls as soon as the heavy doors to the lab close behind Naomi Sokolov.

"Do what?" Newt turns around in confusion. He's already thinking about the idea he just had during the interview. Maybe it would be good to-

"Invite that journalist to your birthday party." Hermann's peeved voice interrupts his train of thought. Newton can actually feel his irritation over the ghost drift. Herm's really annoyed, then.

Newt looks at the door said journalist just disappeared through and shrugs. "She's nice. Why not invite her?"

"She's a _journalist_ , Newton." Even if Newton wasn't seeing the raised eyebrow right now, he would have been able to hear it in Hermann's voice. Loud and clear.

"So?" He just shrugs. Honestly, he doesn't give a damn what Naomi does for work. He likes her, she's witty and funny and seems genuinely nice. And he had a great time during that interview, so why should he be bothered that she's a reporter?

"Do you really want to read in the newspaper about all the things you do during your birthday party?" Hermann aims for provocative, but Newton can tell that he's actually uneasy. Being a fundamentally private person, Herm doesn't like journalists. Newt is well aware of that, but that doesn't mean that he has to share that attitude.

"It's a private invitation. Naomi is there as my guest, not as a reporter." He explains, not that he should have to. It's obvious, really.

"Sometimes I'm amazed at how naive you are." Hermann huffs out, his voice still filled with irritation.

"I'm not naive, Hermann, I just have a good sense for people." 

Hermann has the nerve to snort. "About as good as mine."

"You don't have one." Newt points out immediately.

"Exactly." Hermann sounds smug. "But I _do_ know who not to trust. Journalists, for example."

"Oh come one, Herm, cut her some slack. She was really nice." Newton throws a chiding gaze over his shoulder and walks over to his side of the lab. 

Hermann follows him, still peeved. "It's _her job_ to make people trust her so that they spill all their secrets, Newton. Of course she was nice."

Newt stops and turns around to face Hermann, a huge grin on is face. "You mean secrets like you puking in that-"

"Yes, like that! Why did you have to tell her that!?" Hermann is blushing with embarrassment and Newton finds it utterly adorable. This is why he loves teasing and bickering with Hermann so much. The guy is too cute for his own good. Not that he knows it.

"Because it was just too funny." Newt replies, the shit-eating grin still in place.

"It was _not_ funny!" The sincere indignation is radiating off him in waves. His chest is puffed out, his face is set in a deep frown and his eyes bear into Newton as if he's trying to melt his head off.

Adorable.

"That depends on your point of view. Since I wasn't the one bent over that toilet, it was actually pretty funny." Newt chuckles at the memory.

"You are impossible, Newton!" Hermann is not quite shouting, but he's obviously agitated. "It's was a horrible experience, that drift! Don't pretend you weren't sickened by the intensity of the Kaiju hive mind! You were-" 

"Do you know how hot you are when you're angry?" Newt keeps his voice low and lets his eyes travel all over Hermann, from his face to his feet and back. He makes sure to actively send his appreciation over their ghost drift because he wants to throw Hermann off kilter. And maybe get him to press Newt against the wall again, because damn, it's hot when Herm gets all bossy and physically takes control. Especially because Newton knows he's the only person to get Hermann to do that. It feels like a mark of distinction.

His remark seems to take the wind out of Hermann's sails. He opens his mouth, once, twice, obviously wanting to reply something, but unable to find the words. The flush on his cheeks is even deeper and he looks flustered, which tells Newt loud and clear that he got the mental message, too. Sasha really is the best teacher ever. Newt thinks he should thank her in some way for showing him how to send pictures and feelings over the ghost drift in a way that they have the most impact on the receiver. He never knew there were varying degrees of transmission strength, if you want to call it that. Sasha knows _all_ about it.

Aleksis too, judging by his reaction when Sasha demonstrated what she was talking about. It was during lunch in the mess hall and Aleksis was standing at the serving counter about to get food when he suddenly froze. He turned to throw her a gaze that was most definitely a challenge, but he carefully hid his groin behind his long jacket when he crossed the mess hall to return to the table. Newt's sure he didn't imagine the slight blush hidden mostly by his beard, and he was kind of glad that he wasn't in Aleksis's shoes at that moment. He really doesn't want to know what images Sasha sent him. He guesses they were pretty naughty - it takes _a lot_ to get Aleksis to blush.

And since Newton learned from the best, he knows what he's doing. So he opens his mind to the connection he shares with Hermann and pours all of his arousal into it, combined with an image or two of what he wants to do with Hermann. It involves Hermann's desk and a lot less clothes.

It works nicely. Hermann gasps and then actually shivers, although he tries to stifle it quickly. Newton sees it anyway and can't quite keep the smug smile off his face. Who would have thought that Herm would be so responsive to Newt's little mental stimulation? It's kind of an ego boost, if he's entirely honest with himself.

He takes a step closer and lets his hands touch Hermann's, only to slide them up his arm in a slow caress. He figures adding some physical stimulation to the mental one might make Herm lose it enough to slam Newt against the wall, or desk, or whatever is closest, he's not picky. Newton discovered just recently that he has a thing for Herm losing control and going all caveman on him - well, a very polite caveman, but still. Newt loves feeling the strength that's well hidden behind Hermann's perfectly groomed exterior, and he loves it even more when it's focussed on _him_. All right, so he might have a kink or two he didn't know about before. He calls them his Hermann-kinks.

"Newton..." Herm's voice it deliciously hoarse and he's breathing hard, a lovely combination in Newt's opinion, and a dead giveaway that he's doing it right. So Newt lets his fingers trail over Hermann's shoulders and then up his neck, only to slip under the collar of his shirt. Hermann's growing arousal is transmitting clearly over the ghost drift and Newt absorbs it like a sponge. It fires his own desire to know that he can do that to Hermann, that Herm _wants_ him. It's an addictive feeling - maybe that's part of the reason why Newt keeps teasing Herm. He's not above admitting that it turns him on that Herm's into him. Come on, he's had a crush on the guy for _years_ , so knowing - not only that, but also _feeling_ \- that it's returned is like a dream come true.

Hermann shivers underneath his fingers, not just a slight shiver but a full blown shudder coursing through his entire body. It gives Newt a warning the fraction of a second before Hermann snaps. Since Hermann isn't partial to violent outbursts, him snapping doesn't mean that Newt gets manhandled - and he really wouldn't mind experiencing _that_ -, instead Hermann's free hand comes up and wraps around Newton's neck, pulling him in with much less finesse than he'd normally have. Hermann leans down just enough to capture Newt's lips in an open-mouthed kiss that's not hesitant in the least. It's demanding and fierce and oh so hot.

Now _that's_ Hermann snapping - forgetting his politeness, his reserve, his caution. Going for what he wants, no questions asked, no hesitation, no shame. Gosh, Newt is so in love with that guy. He feels a wave of aroused astonishment answering from Hermann's side of the link, and he can't help smiling at it. How Herm can still be surprised that Newt is in love with him is beyond him, but it's oddly adorable.

To drive his point home, Newt leans in even further, deepens the kiss and melts his body against Hermann's from head to toe. He makes sure to slowly but firmly rub his growing erection against Herm's, a slow, teasing friction that he knows will drive Hermann crazy. Herm gasps into their kiss, an obviously involuntary reaction that he can't hold back. Newt gets hit by a wave of arousal over their ghost drift and can't help a satisfied - okay, smug - chuckle. 

"Newton." Hermann growls - honest to god _growls_ , Newt is so proud of himself - and his hands clench into fists in Newt's hair, pulling on the strands in a way that has him groaning. He's always loved getting his hair pulled on during sex, and Herman doing it makes him feel so good that he could-

Suddenly there's a pointed cough behind them, followed by Sasha's amused voice. "I don't want to disturb you, but it's time to go to town."

Hermann flinches and tries to bring some distance between himself and Newt. He's embarrassed to be caught in a situation like this, especially considering that they're at work. Newt doesn't mind so much and lazily readjusts his shirt that Hermann had just pulled out of his pants.

Sasha is only halfway bothering to suppress the teasing smirk and there's a knowing look in her eyes. She looks them up and down, obviously taking in the dishevelled state of their clothes, the tousled hair, the flushed faces, the carefully averted groins, Hermann's cane that's randomly lying around on the ground. Oh, there are more clues than Newt can even count. Not that she actually needs them. She knows anyway. 

He throws Sasha a grin and a mouths 'thanks' at her over Hermann's shoulder. Her smirk deepens and she gives him a quick nod in acknowledgement. Oh yes, she knows exactly what was going on here before she came in. And she knows her lessons paid off.

Yep, Newton definitely needs to find a way to thank her.

"I'll meet you in the motor pool, Newt. Ten minutes." She says with a raised eyebrow before disappearing in the hallway without waiting for a reply. She's kind enough not to enjoy the moment any more than she already has. 

Hermann is still trying to regain his composure. He's flushed with embarrassment and his movements are clipped. Newton finds it utterly adorable, but he knows better than to tease him now. Instead he sends reassurance and a feeling of warmth and caring over their connection and makes sure to not let this smirk show when he turns to face a flustered Hermann. He won't take Newt's amusement too well right now.

"She knew anyway." Newt remarks after a moment of quietly watching Hermann fiddle with his clothes.

"That is not the point. Of course she knows." Hermann's voice is back to peeved, but there's real embarrassment transmitting over the ghost drift. "The point is that we are at work. This was highly unprofessional and unbecoming of us. I should never have allowed it to get so out of hand! I have more control than that!" 

Newt bends down to retrieve the cane before Herman can even think about doing it. Newt knows that getting down to pick something up from the ground is difficult for Hermann, not that the stubborn idiot would ever admit to it or ask for help. Newt has long since made it his goal in life to be at least one step ahead of him so that Herm doesn't have to do it.

He holds out the cane, handle turned towards Hermann so that he can take it easily. Herm suspiciously eyes first the cane and then Newton before he accepts it. 

"I love that I can make you lose control like that." Newton says quietly, holding Hermann's gaze. For once he's not teasing. "It means a lot."

Hermann stares at him for a moment, then he clears his throat and averts his gaze. There's a whirlwind of emotion raging inside him and he's clearly uncomfortable with them. He seems to not have the words to reply, but Newt doesn't need words anyway. That's the beauty of the ghost drift. He can just _feel_ it, and it's reassuring.

"And I love you getting all bossy and manhandling me." Newton adds with a grin and wriggles his eyebrows suggestively. At the same time he sends his memory of their rudely interrupted make-out session over the ghost drift to make Hermann _feel_ how much he really enjoyed it.

"Newton! Don't start it again! Haven't you learned anything?" Hermann sounds pissed, but Newton spots the renewed blush to his cheeks and the carefully suppressed excitement that flickers over their connection.

He grins and makes to leave the lab. He's so proud for undermining Herm's rigid work place ethics. "I'll be back in an hour or two." 

"Take as long as you need. I have _actual_ work to do." Hermann says with such a snobby intonation that Newt can't help snorting. That man is just too cute.

Newton makes his way over to the motor pool where Sasha is already waiting beside one of the rundown jeeps the PPDC grants the Rangers access to when required. Usually they need a good reason to loan a vehicle - and Newt is pretty sure 'getting supplies for a private party' doesn't fulfil the criteria - but Sasha never has issues acquiring anything from a plane to a jeep. He has no idea how she does it.

Sasha greets him with a raised eyebrow and a smirk when he slips into the passenger seat. "I see you made good use of that advice I gave you."

"I sure did. You're the best teacher ever, Sasha." Newt says enthusiastically, a huge grin on his face, when she starts the engine and drives them off the Shatterdome perimeter and into town. "I owe you one."

Sasha chuckles. "I will hold you to that."

The run into town is mostly to get some alcohol. The mess in the Shatterdome doesn't provide any alcohol, not even wine, and Newt wants to have a proper birthday party. So he'll have to get it elsewhere. And who better to accompany him than Sasha, who - along with Aleksis - is famous for being able to acquire pretty much everything from vodka to thermonuclear bombs. Anywhere. And quickly. Well, it pays to have connections.

When they get back, there's enough beer and liquor in the trunk to keep up spirits during tonight's party, but not enough that the guests can get smashed. Newton is not exactly rich, after all. The PPDC isn't paying him enough to get fifty plus people drunk. He may be a rock star now, but that's limited to the fame, it doesn't include the fortune. Pity.

Newt spends most of his afternoon prepping the mess hall for his party. Well, the section of it he was allowed to use, anyway. Sasha and Aleksis are helping him while Hermann is pointedly missing. Newt isn't quite sure whether he's trying to make point or got lost in work. He suspects it's a bit of both with a focus on the latter because he can feel how absorbed Hermann is in his numbers right now. Still, eight o'clock on the spot, Hermann comes through the open door of the mess hall to join the party. Newt doesn't bother to hide his smile. 

When Naomi shows up, the party is already going strong. If there's one thing Newton learned about the the Kaidanovskys and the Wei Tang brother, it's that they love to party and inviting them is a guarantee that it won't get boring. That's true now, too. They're currently bickering over the choice of music, each a glass or a bottle in hand. Newt is reasonably sure none of them is actually allowed to drink at the moment, but they don't seem to care. They're all adults - even if only in the number of years on their passport, he can't help thinking while watching Hu spike Aleksis's drink with tequila that they all know Aleksis hates - and he most certainly won't get inbetween those crazy Russians and their drinks. 

Newt makes his way over to where Naomi is standing by the entrance looking over the crowd. She smiles when she spots him. She's wearing a casual knee-length skirt with a black t-shirt that has the outline of Yoda printed on the front, and she immediately rises another few notches in his esteem. Her hair is pinned up in a relaxed messy bun that still manages to be elegant. Her entire outfit is a statement that she's off duty. She looks very different from the professional journalist he met this morning.

"It's great you made it!" Newt greets her with a sincere smile. No matter what Herm says, he still likes her. 

"I wouldn't have missed it." She says with a smirk, then she holds out a rolled up piece of paper held together by a blue string. "I have a wee something for you. Happy Birthday, Newt!"

"Gifts! You brought me a gift! I love gifts!" Newton grins when he accepts the unexpected present. He undoes the knot of the string and unrolls the piece of paper. He's really curious what this is, it's not like Naomi had a lot of time to organise something considering he invited her only that morning. When he catches sight of the black and grey lines, all Newton can do is stare.

It's a pencil sketch on simple plain paper that look like it comes from a notepad. The lines are quick and sure, telling Newton that Naomi is a proficient artist. The drawing shows Newton and Hermann facing each other, and they're engaged in a discussion, or more likely some serious bickering contest. In the drawing Newton has his arms raised in a gesture that is obviously meant to underline whatever point he's about to make, his face is alight with enthusiasm and still there's something like gentle teasing that's obviously directed at Hermann. Newt loves how Naomi managed to get Hermann's expression so spot on, annoyed yet somehow fond, his eyes totally focussed on Newt.

For a moment Newton is stunned into awed silence. It's beautiful. It's so _them_. 

"Wow, it's awesome!" Before he has even given it any thought, Newton has wrapped his arms around Naomi in a spontaneous, heartfelt hug. She seems surprised at first, then she laughs and returns the gesture. 

"I'm glad you like it." She says when he pulls back.

"I love it! You totally nailed it!" Newt grins and looks at the drawing again. He's going to frame this and put it on his bedside table. And a copy of it is so going up on the wall in the lab. Poster-sized. "Thank you so much!"

"You're welcome." Naomi smirks and it's obvious that she's pleased he enjoys her gift so much. Newt waves her along to follow him to his section of the mess hall - not that his party actually could be contained, it has long ago taken over the entire mess hall. He aims for the table where at one end the triplets are causing mayhem while the Kaidanovskys and some crew members are loudly talking at the other end.

Newt drags Naomi over to the triplets and grins. He knows they like her, especially because they'd managed to screw with her things during their interview. Newt heard something about stickers, a recording device and a notebook.

"I believe you know each other." Newt say and points at the empty seat between Hu and Jin. "Boys, be nice to her. She's my guest tonight."

Newt catches a glimpse of Jin's mischievous smirk and wonders what evil they have in mind. He has other priorities now, though. He really has to show this awesome sketch to Herm. One quick glance shows him sitting beside Aleksis, talking about something. It takes Newton only a few steps to reach him. 

"Look what Naomi made for my birthday!" Newt announces proudly and sticks the drawing right in front of Hermann's nose. Herm leans back - okay, maybe Newt held the paper _a bit_ too close to his face - and takes a closer look.

"I don't look anything like that!" Hermann exclaims with a indignant expression on his face.

"Yes, you do. She captured you perfectly." Aleksis remarks from where he's bent over Hermann's shoulder to get a good look at the drawing. "Both of you."

"I do _not_ look like that!" Hermann insists again. 

"Yes, you do." Aleksis simply repeats, leaving no doubt that he means it. Newt watches Hermann glare at him, but the Russian is completely unimpressed.

Hermann gets up with an indignant huff. "I do not. Newton, I need you to come with me now."

"Oh my, that is a perfect drawing of you two!" Sasha snags the paper out of Hermann's hands and looks at it with obvious delight. 

Hermann is quite obviously refraining from rolling his eyes. "Now, Newton."

He begins to walk off, and Newton is too curious to not follow him. "I'm coming, I'm coming. Gosh, you're bossy."

Newt looks at Sasha and points a finger at the drawing. "Keep it safe."

"I will. Don't worry." She reassures him, then her smirk turns almost evil. "Now go follow your boyfriend."

Newt feels Hermann bristle at her words, but he doesn't say anything, whether that is because it's actually true or because he's afraid of Sasha Newt isn't sure. The only thing he _is_ sure about is that Newt knows it that Hermann isn't offended, he just _really_ doesn't like it when private things are mentioned in public. In his strange understanding of privacy, that actually includes mentioning that they're a couple now. Newt is reasonably sure nobody really cares anyway, or that they'd already thought he and Herm were together. He knows there are bets.

Hermann is already out of the mess hall and down the hallway by the time Newton catches up with him, and he makes no effort to walk any slower. His movements are clipped again, as if he's angry or annoyed, and Newt can't quite make sense of the garbled emotional mess he's picking up on over the ghost drift. It's very different from Hermann's usual clean and organised state of mind. 

"Now, come on, Herm, what is this all about? You're not seriously that pissed about that drawing, are you? I still think it's perfect and just so _us_. Or wait, are you still peeved that I invited Naomi? Seriously? I told you already-"

"Your birthday present." Hermann interrupts his monologue, his voice flat.

"What?" Newt asks in surprise. Suddenly he gets that Hermann isn't angry, he's _nervous_.

"It's about your birthday present." Hermann elaborates and opens the door to their lab. The lights flicker on in the large room, one by one eradicating the darkness. "It couldn't be brought in the mess hall, so I had to bring you here."

"Where is it?" Newt asks excitedly. He can just so refrain from clapping his hands. He wonders what it is that Herm got him that it couldn't be transported to the mess, where all his other gifts are currently waiting for him in a neat pile on one of the tables. It must be something special. Maybe it's too big, or too dangerous, or maybe it's toxic, or alive... This is so cool!

Hermann wordlessly points his cane at the back of the lab. Newt wonders what he's supposed to see there that he doesn't already know, but turns around anyway at the feeling of nervous excitement coming over the ghost drift. His gaze passes the blackboards, the desks, the now empty dissection table, the shelves where Newt keeps his last Kaiju organs and the former brain tank. 

He freezes.

The tank isn't empty anymore. 

"What..." Newt opens his mouth to ask, but words leave him when he suddenly gets it. It's another brain. Hermann found him another Kaiju brain. "How...? When..."

It doesn't happen often, but right now Newton is at a loss for words. His mind is spinning with questions he wants to ask, but he somehow doesn't find the words. All he can do is stumble forwards to get to the tank and make sure it's real, that he's not imagining it. He touches his hand to the smooth surface and one of the brain's nerve trunks slowly comes up to suck up against the plexiglass.

"I had some help. It's a group present, actually." Hermann shrugs uneasily. "There was a collector in Moscow. He owed Sasha a favour. And Tendo knew that guy who runs a transport airline. And Aleksis seems to be close to the heads of the customs offices in Russia _and_ in Hong Kong..."

He's rambling. Hermann only rambles when he's nervous. Newt is still too stunned to do more than stare at his new pet. "You had a Kaiju brain shipped here from Russia? For me?"

"It's your thirty-fifth birthday." Hermann says as if that is reason enough to have extremely rare Kaiju organs shipped halfway across the planet. Newt feels a huge grin spread over his face and he turns to look at Hermann who's standing just a step or two behind him, looking nervous and uneasy and unsure of himself in a way that makes Newt's heart melt. 

Newton steps up to him, right into his personal space, and cups his jaw with both hands to make Hermann look him in the eye. Newt's grinning so hard that his cheeks hurt and he feels like he's vibrating with joy and happiness. "This is the best birthday gift I've ever been given. I love it so much I don't actually have the words to express how much."

And because that's true, Newt decides to skip the words and just show Hermann. He holds his gaze and consciously sends his emotions over their connection, wanting to make Herm understand how much this means to him. He still can't believe how much trouble his friends went through to get him such a unique and fantastic gift. He's the luckiest guy ever.

There's a small, slow smile coming to Hermann's face and Newt can tell he gets it. He relaxes under Newton's touch, the tension caused by nerves and unease slipping out of his frame. He looks beautiful, and Newt can't resist leaning in to touch his forehead against Hermann's. 

"Thank you for that perfect gift." Newt murmurs against Hermann's lips right before he turns them around to push Herm back against the brain tank and kiss him. Hermann puts up a token resistance, then he goes pliant against Newton and bends down to allow him to deepen the kiss. 

Neither cares that they're in the middle of the lab with the door wide open, or that Hermann's cane falls to the side and hits the floor rather loudly.

***

Tendo watches them for a moment through the open door, then he turns away with a satisfied smirk. 

Mystery solved, then. One of the biggest bet pools will close tonight - the Hermann-Newton pool. Pity he didn't win, there's a lot of money in that pool. But he already knows who's going to be walking around the Shatterdome with a huge grin tomorrow.

Aleksis Kaidanovsky always _does_ give accurate predictions, after all.


	39. Return to Life (Chuck/Raleigh, Mako & Raleigh & Chuck)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raleigh is released from the med bay and finds out that he's been assigned shared quarters with Chuck, as is the rule for co-pilots.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place the same day Stacker wakes up.
> 
> I'm back and I'm still alive - well, barely, after those past two and a half months of 12-hour workdays, but now I'm recovering in the arms of my Pacific Rim Muse. So, because you might be interested: This series is not over yet. Far from it, actually. I have a lot more of this story to tell and I hope there's still somebody reading it considering how long I disappeared... 
> 
> But now, enjoy the Chuck/Raleigh feels! ^_^

_Hong Kong Shatterdome, January 20th 2025_

"Finally." Raleigh murmurs in relief when he steps through the entrance of the med bay and out in the bleak concrete hallway, glad to leave it behind him. It feels like a weight is taken off his shoulders.

"Feels good to get out of there, doesn't it?" Chuck asks next to him. He's still doing that thing where he's hovering close to Raleigh as if he fears he's going to faint any second while pretending that he doesn't hover. If Yancy had done that, Raleigh would either have been offended or he would have teased his brother about it mercilessly. With Chuck, though, Raleigh can't help finding it adorable and oddly touching, and he knows better than to tease Chuck about something like this. 

"My quarters are this way." Raleigh remarks with a raised eyebrow when Chuck takes the wrong turn. Chuck knows where he lives, after all, he's been there more than once.

"Not anymore." Chuck stops and waits for Raleigh to look at him. There's a smirk on Chuck's face. "We were assigned new quarters."

It takes Raleigh a moment to understand, then he gets it. "Oh, yeah, co-pilot quarters. Of course."

The only reason they weren't reassigned to shared quarters before is that there hadn't been the time before Operation Pitfall. The PPDC always carefully upheld the rule of co-pilots sharing quarters in order to strengthen their bond as well as to keep them readily available in case of an emergency. Raleigh knows that, but he hasn't given it any thought because there was so much else going on in the eve of Operation Pitfall. 

"All right, then, lead the way." Raleigh says with a mock bow and turns to follow Chuck towards the elevator. He likes the idea of having official shared quarters with Chuck, to have a place that's _theirs_. It also feels a bit like the PPDC is sending out the message that the Jaeger Program isn't dead, that they expect their Rangers to continue as before, that things may have changed, but not so much that the rules can be disposed of. It's strangely comforting.

When they're a few levels down, the elevator stops and Mako joins them. She smiles and inclines her head in greeting. "Good morning, Raleigh, Chuck."

Mako is wearing her J-Tech overall, a sure sign that she just came from working on her new projects, but she's not carrying her tablet. Raleigh has a feeling that this isn't a meeting by coincidence. "Morning, Mako."

"How are you feeling?" She asks and unobtrusively checks him for any signs of discomfort. It makes Raleigh smile. She's as much of a mother hen as Chuck, she just hides it better.

"I'm fine, Mako. Glad to be out of the med bay."

She nods. "That I do understand."

"So I guess we have to move today." Raleigh remarks, and it's half question, half statement. Raleigh has been out of the loop since Operation Pitfall, and it still feels unreal that he's out of the med bay and on his way back to an actual life of his own. With Chuck. And Mako. And this weird rag-tag group of people that make up the Shatterdome personnel. A new life. He likes the prospect.

"I will help." Mako smiles at them. She's very busy at the moment with all those new projects, so Raleigh knows what it means that she takes the time off to help them move.

"We need all the help we can get." Raleigh says with a smirk. They're not the most apt group of people to move things from A to B, he thinks with a fond smile. Mako's left arm is still in a sling, so she can't really carry anything that requires two hands. Chuck's right arm is bandaged due to the circuitry burns, which means he's also limited in what he can do. Not to mention that he's still as bruised as Raleigh himself, who's equally one-handed due to his bummed left shoulder. He can't help finding it funny how they're all down one limb and still think they're perfectly capable to move quarters. It's good that neither he nor Chuck own much stuff, then.

Chuck pointedly eyes first his bandaged arm, then Mako's sling and Raleigh's bummed shoulder, obviously thinking the same thing as Raleigh. "Might take us a moment, though."

"We've got time." Raleigh says just as the elevator stops at the level of the Ranger quarters. "It's not like the docs will allow us to do much training, anyway."

"Yeah, Doc Nash will have my head if you worsen your condition due to training." Chuck grumbles.

"Why would she have _your_ head?" Raleigh is confused, that doesn't make much sense. "Shouldn't she have mine? It's hardly _your_ fault if _I_ overdo it."

"Tell that to _her_." Chuck huffs. "She made it clear she'll hold _me_ responsible."

Mako is following the conversation with a smirk. "Wise woman."

"Don't you side with her!" Chuck glares at her. "She's evil."

"No, she is intelligent and cunning." Mako is absolutely unfazed by Chuck glare. "And she has figured you out."

"I feel like you know something I don't." Chuck frowns at Mako, but she just shrugs with her uninjured shoulder. "And you won't tell me what it is, will you?"

"No." Mako replies, as blunt and honest as always, but there's still that smirk on her face. Raleigh thinks he knows what she's not saying: Doc Nash understands how much Chuck cares about Raleigh and uses it to get him to keep a careful eye on Raleigh for her without actually telling him to do so. And it will work, Raleigh is pretty sure about that. Chuck has lots of mother hen tendencies where Raleigh is concerned. It's almost funny considering the image he created for himself as the badass Jaeger pilot who cares about nobody but himself. 

Chuck stops in front of a nondescript door in a hallway full of the same type of doorway. The Shatterdome is nothing if not repetitive in its design. 

"There, our new quarters." Chuck opens the heavy metal door and makes a gesture for Raleigh to go in first. Raleigh figures that Chuck has already been here before. When Raleigh enters the room that will be his and Chuck's new home for the time being, he doesn't expect it to look any different from the many other Shatterdome quarters he's lived at. He quickly glances around to ascertain that the layout of the rooms is indeed as he suspected: two bunk beds - which Chuck already pushed together - two metal lockers next to them, two desks side by side, a small pantry and the door to the en-suite next to it. There's no personal belongings yet, as if Chuck waited for Raleigh before moving his few possessions in. 

Raleigh's gaze flickers back to the desks, because there's something off. There are pictures on the wall above them. _His_ pictures, the ones he had arranged on the wall in his former quarters. Raleigh frowns and steps closer. There are also pictures that he knows are not part of his collection. There's a young Mako and a young Chuck, standing next to Gipsy's huge foot. There's Pentecost, Herc, young Mako and Chuck grinning in the camera, obviously at Christmas because there's a decorated tree in the background and Chuck is holding puppy Max in his arms. There's a blurry picture of Herc and a teenage Chuck in front of Lucky Seven. There's Herc and a young Chuck and a beautiful woman smiling in the camera, obviously Chuck's mum because they have the same green eyes and cute dimples. There's Mako and Raleigh sitting on the platform in the Jaeger bay, their lunch trays next to them, Gipsy visible in the background. There's Chuck and Raleigh fighting in the kwoon, the picture obviously taken during their trial. 

"How... Where did you..." Raleigh is at a loss for words, his heart beating fast and he can't stop smiling. He looks from Chuck to Mako, unable to find his voice. 

Mako smiles, that soft, secret little smile that tells him that she's pleased. Chuck is standing next to her with his back stiff as a board, not quite looking at Raleigh, his cheeks a distinctive red colour that's hard to miss. Raleigh feels nervous embarrassment coming off him in waves, although he's quite sure Chuck is trying to stifle how much of it is transmits over the ghost drift. It's oddly adorable how nervous he is about Raleigh's reaction.

"We thought you might feel more at home with a few pictures." Mako says with warm amusement in her voice. Chuck still seems paralysed beside her, and that tells Raleigh how much it means to him what Raleigh thinks of their little surprise. He'd know even if he didn't feel Chuck's nervousness over the ghost drift.

"I like them. A lot." Raleigh replies quietly when he finally regains control of his vocal cords, the smile still as broad and pleased as before, and he allows his voice to reflect how happy and touched he is by the gesture. He reaches out over the connection to send Chuck a healthy dose of his appreciation. He figures it'll do them both some good to share the positive feelings a little more after their recent bad spell. "Thank you."

That makes Chuck look at him, finally. He shrugs as if he doesn't care, but the faint red still colouring his cheeks belies his casual attitude. "Mako thought it was time to expand your collection, you know, bring it up to date, so there are a few more pictures now."

"I never knew there were pictures of our trial." Raleigh slowly trails his fingers over Chuck's body in the picture, frozen in an attack, his arms raised, his body powerful and graceful at once. Raleigh likes to see him like that, especially with his complete and absolute focus on Raleigh who is facing him in the photo, already moving in position to block his attack.

"Me neither." Chuck mumbles, and Raleigh catches his excitement at seeing Raleigh caress the photographic version of him. Raleigh bothers only halfway to hide his pleased smile at his reaction. 

"Sasha Kaidanovsky took them. Actually, she filmed the entire trial. This is a still of that video." Mako explains. "When she heard that I was trying to find pictures of the two of you, she came to me and gave me the video."

"How on earth did she hear about that? I'm sure you didn't make it an official request." Chuck asks with an ironic note to his voice. He knows Mako too well to assume that she would ever do personal quests on official channels. Raleigh absolutely agrees with his assessment.

"Tendo-san." Mako just replies with a raised eyebrow.

Raleigh can't help laughing. "Okay, that explains it." 

"Sure does." Chuck agrees with a smirk. 

Raleigh looks at the picture again, then a sudden revelation hits him. "There's something missing on this wall."

"Is there?" Chuck throws him a confused frown before checking out the picture wall, as if he's suddenly worried that he might have forgotten something important and he's not pleased about it, but he can't tell what it is that he missed.

"Yes. Something very important." Raleigh reaches in the outside pocket of his pants and takes out the photograph of him and Chuck asleep in the med bay, the one that Mako gave him two days ago. When he looks around for tape Mako already holds out a roll of it with that pleased little smile of hers on her lips. She obviously knows what he's thinking, he's sure that she was always very well aware which picture was missing and that she was secretly waiting for him to notice and remedy that shortcoming. Raleigh is reasonably certain that after his recent blunder, she actually wants _him_ to be the one to add that picture to his personal collection. And she approves that he's doing it here and now, right in front of Chuck while making a point of showing how important it is to him that this specific picture - and what is stands for - is a part of his most cherished picture collection.

Raleigh accepts the tape, rips off two small strips and carefully puts the picture inbetween one of him and Yancy and the one of him and Mako in the Jaeger bay. He doesn't doubt that it's Mako's doing that there's actually enough space between all the single photos to allow for more to be added. When he's satisfied with the picture's spot, Raleigh steps back to give Chuck an unobstructed view. 

"Now, that's _much_ better." Raleigh declares and turns to throw Chuck a smile. He's pleased to see that the colour has returned to Chuck's cheeks, a sure sign that he understands exactly what Raleigh just did. Raleigh really likes how Chuck's complexion allows for his feeling to transmit so clearly even when Chuck's actively trying to not show them. It does make life easier. Not to mention that it's cute. And that Raleigh takes pride in how he's one of the very few people who can do that to Chuck.

"Who took that picture, anyway?" Chuck asks in an obvious attempt to divert the attention away from him.

"I did." Mako replies with a smirk and Raleigh just knows she's about to tease Chuck in her own subtle way. He also knows she only does that with people she really trusts and cares about. "I happened to come by and couldn't help taking a picture of the lovely moment. You looked very cute."

"I'm _not_ cute." Chuck insists immediately. 

"Yes, you are." Raleigh replies with a teasing smirk. He finds it utterly adorable that Chuck still tries to appear badass even in face of the overwhelming photographic evidence that he's a cuddly teddy bear - at least where Raleigh is concerned.

"By the way, Tendo took the one of Mako and you." Chuck says quickly as if trying to direct the conversation away from him being cute. "Now, let's get to work. We should start getting our stuff from our old quarters. We want to be done before lunch, don't we?"

Raleigh shares a knowing smirk with Mako and then follows her and Chuck out of the door. They go to Chuck's old accommodation first where a duffle bag sits by one of the two the neatly made beds, ready and packed. There's a second, small backpack on the ground next to it. That's it. All of Chuck's belongings in this world fit in two bags, Raleigh thinks, a bit sad for a moment. He knows he is no different, but suddenly he wonders if it's a good thing. 

Chuck grabs the duffle and Mako takes the backpack before Raleigh has a chance to reach for it. The gaze she throws him when he tries to argue silences him immediately. Mako can be quite scary when she wants to be, and he knows her stubborn streak is even bigger than his, so he gives in. It's not a fight he can win. They make the trip back to the new quarters to deliver Chuck's bags before heading to Raleigh's old single-person quarters. They're still as sparse as the day he arrived, especially now that his pictures are gone. They were the only personal touch he gave the place, the only sign that somebody actually lived here. Without them, the quarters are just a room with a bed, impersonal and cold.

Packing up his few belongings doesn't take long. Everything is still where he left it before heading off to Operation Pitfall, never expecting to actually come back. It's mostly clothes that are neatly folded and arranged in the small metal locker. Chuck starts packing them in Raleigh's duffle and Mako cleans out his desk and bedside table while Raleigh empties the bathroom. It's quite telling that they're done within ten minutes, and Raleigh doesn't feel anything leaving the room behind. He never had the time to make the place his. He has a feeling that might be different with their new quarters. That maybe, just maybe, he might call that place home, even if he knows it's only a temporary accommodation. It's not the actual place that makes it home, it's who he's sharing it with. He hasn't called anywhere home since he lost Yancy. 

Once they're back in the new quarters, Mako helps them unpack. It's almost funny - and maybe a tad creepy - how Chuck, Mako and Raleigh all seem to have the exact same notion of where to put what. Raleigh guesses it has something to do with living in shatterdomes for too long. Or maybe spending too much time in the PPDC and the quarters that come with it. Or maybe not really owning much stuff that's not immediately necessary. The metal lockers are filled and arranged according to PPDC regulation - all right, so _that's_ something that's just too deeply ingrained by the academy and spot inspections to even think about not doing - and any other belonging either go on the desks or in the bathroom. Unpacking doesn't take much longer than packing, even with stuff from two people. It's when he happens to glance at the photos above the desks that Raleigh decides that the first opportunity he gets, he'll buy something small and personal for Chuck. He wants Chuck to own something that Raleigh gave him. It's a strange urge, not one he has experienced before.

Raleigh notices in passing the hum of a phone and sees out of the corner of his eye how Mako reaches in her overall pocket, peeks at the device and frowns. He doesn't give it much thought and continues arranging his few books while Chuck is still busy putting their stuff in the bathroom.

"Mako?" Raleigh asks when she doesn't move for a whole minute, still staring at her phone. It can't take that long to read whatever message she just got. "Is everything all right?"

Mako looks up as if she noticed only now that she froze. "Tendo wrote. He says that there's something going on with Sensei and that I should head to the med bay."

Her voice sounds as if she's reciting something she's not touched by, something that doesn't concern her at all, but Raleigh knows her too well to be fooled. He can tell that there's fear and hope battling hard. She's freaking out on the inside, she just tends to freak silently.

"Then you should go to the med bay, Mako." Raleigh touches his hand to her uninjured shoulder to give her an anchor to reality. "Maybe it's good news."

She nods and straightens. "I will let you know what is going on as soon as I find out."

Raleigh gives her shoulder a last quick squeeze and watches her disappear through the door in a way that might seem calm and composed to most people, but that he can tell is actually agitated and hurried. Raleigh stares after her with a worried frown. He really hopes it's good news.

"Where's Mako going?" Chuck asks with surprise plain in his voice when he comes out of the bathroom just in time to see her turn the corner. It's not like her to run off without saying goodbye. It's impolite, and Make is almost never impolite.

"Tendo contacted her to tell her that something's going on with Pentecost. He didn't specify what, though." Raleigh explains when he turns away from the door and towards Chuck. 

"Oh my." Chuck mutters in reply and Raleigh feels a sudden bout of worry over the ghost drift. He knows Chuck cares about Pentecost in his own way, but the amount of concern is still a surprise. It takes Raleigh a moment to understand that it's linked to the knowledge that any development with Pentecost also impacts - greatly - on Chuck's father. 

"Exactly." Raleigh doesn't bother to hide his own worry, although it's definitely not as strong as Chuck's. It seems to reassure Chuck nevertheless and he leaves his position in the bathroom doorway to come over, wrap his arms around Raleigh's waist and rest his chin on his uninjured shoulder. 

"She'll let us know what's going on when she finds something out." Raleigh continues after a moment of companionable silence. "You're worried."

"Well, it's Pentecost." Raleigh feels Chuck shrug. "He's the heart of the PPDC. Whatever happens with him will have massive consequences, good or bad."

"That's not why you're worried." Raleigh points out gently, making a point to lean back against Chuck to take the sting out of his words. It's not meant as a criticism.

Chuck is quiet for a moment that feels a lot longer to Raleigh than it probably is. When he speaks, his voice is rough. "After knowing what it feels like to.." Chuck drifts off and his arms tighten around Raleigh. "... to lose your perfect match, I can honestly say that I don't wish that on anybody, and certainly not on my dad. We may have our differences, but that's just cruel."

He stops, but Raleigh can tell that he's not done yet, so he remains quiet and waits for Chuck to continue. He lets his right hand come to rest on Chuck's arm that's wrapped around his waist in an almost painfully tight grip.

"In all honesty, Rals, if Pentecost.... you know, I don't think my dad would survive it." Once he has pressed out the words, Raleigh feels Chuck grit his teeth where his cheek is resting against the side of Raleigh's neck. "And I couldn't even blame him."

That last sentence makes a shiver run down Raleigh's spine. He still remembers the pure agony that came over the ghost drift when Chuck told him that he'd lost the connection to Raleigh after Operation Pitfall, when he'd died and left Chuck alone, even if only for a short time. Even now there are echoes of those feelings wallowing up again, some coming from Chuck and some a memory of Raleigh's. He understands why Chuck wouldn't be able to blame his father, and that somehow makes it worse. Raleigh instinctively leans further in Chuck's embrace, not bothered at all by the tightness of Chuck's hold on him that's pressing painfully on the many fading bruises that cover Raleigh's torso. He needs the sensation, needs to feel alive, needs to feel that Chuck is alive. It somehow makes him feel better how the firm grip is making the circuitry burns on Chuck's arm hurt which again Raleigh can feel in his own right arm. It's physical proof that they're both alive, and he loves those scars even more than he did before.

"Let's get to the mess hall for lunch." Chuck suggests and presses a lingering kiss to Raleigh's neck before he lets go of him and steps back. Raleigh decides to accept his silent request to change the topic. Even without the ghost drift telling him, it's obvious that Chuck wants to keep his thoughts from going down that particular road and Raleigh can't blame him for it. Until Mako lets them know what's going on, it's better to ignore the uncertainty as well as the many unpleasant options concerning Pentecost's fate.

"Lunch sounds good." Raleigh offer with a somewhat shaky smile when he turns around to look at Chuck. His brows are furrowed and his mouth is pressed into a thin line, his eyes look haunted. Raleigh doesn't like that look on him and leans in instinctively to touch his lips to Chuck's in a chaste kiss before wrapping him in a heartfelt embrace. He cards his fingers through Chuck's hair and presses against his body from head to toe. After a second or two he feels some of the tension leave Chuck's body and his arms come up to settle on Raleigh's waist, pulling him in even closer. 

Raleigh can't tell how long they stand like this, taking comfort in each other's closeness, but he feels a lot calmer and steadier when Chuck finally pulls back. Before either of them can say anything, the loud growl of Chuck's stomach interrupts the silence. 

Raleigh can't help laughing and Chuck joins him. "Lunch?" 

"Lunch. Definitely." Chuck confirms with a grin and the sombre atmosphere is broken.

The way to the mess hall takes only a few minutes. Lunch began about half an hour ago and it's already pretty busy. Raleigh looks around in surprise when they enter the large hall, taking in the hustle and bustle. It's the first time since before Pitfall that Raleigh eats in the mess hall again, he's been reduced to hospital food ever since he woke up in the med bay. Now that he's in general population again, he notices a distinct increase in the amount of people.

"Is is just me or is it busier than before?" he asks once they're sitting down at one of the long tables. There are only two free chairs next to him, all the other seats are occupied and the mess hall is anything but quiet. 

"It's not just you." Chuck confirms and while he's busy rearranging the food on his tray. "We have begun to hire new personnel. Well, a lot of them are old personnel, really, just that we had to let them go when things went south with the UN. There are also quite a few experts on Jaeger construction back here now that they're needed again." 

"Wow, this is amazing. I knew everyone was busy, but this almost feels like the good old days." Raleigh says between two bites of steamed veggies. Man, it feels so good to eat real food again. He still wonders how the med bay kitchen manages to make everything taste so bland that only visual confirmation tells you that not everything you're eating is the same thing.

"We're getting the PPDC back on its feet." Chuck shrugs. "Well, slowly, but we'll get there."

"I don't doubt it." 

Raleigh is halfway through his meal when he sees Mako enter the mess hall. Her gaze finds them immediately and she comes over to them without getting anything to eat first. Raleigh notices right away that the tension has left her body, there's a somewhat relaxed way to her posture that tells him that the news about Pentecost must have been good. He can't help smiling at her when she slides into the bench opposite of them.

"Don't make us wait." Chuck complains impatiently when she doesn't start speaking right away. "Come on, Mako, what's happening?"

Mako allows a smile to appear on her face, a real one. "Sensei is out of coma. He's still asleep, but Dr Lightcap expects him to wake within a few hours."

Raleigh almost physically feels the relief coursing through Chuck's body, and he certainly hears it in Chuck's voice when he says, "Good to hear." 

"Who would have thought that all four Operation Pitfall pilots would actually survive that mission?" Raleigh wonders out loud. It still amazes him that they're all here, alive and - mostly - well. "The odds were certainly against us."

"By the way, Mako..." Chuck begins and then very uncharacteristically drifts off. Raleigh feels his sudden nervousness over their connection and watches the colour rise in his cheeks. "Thank you. You know, for giving Striker escape pods. And the express mode."

Mako looks so utterly surprised at Chuck's words that Raleigh can't help smirking at her expression. Mako regains her composure quickly, but for a moment she's actually staring at Chuck with her mouth hanging open, which looks rather ridiculous. The red of Chuck's cheeks deepens at her reaction, but even he is smirking. 

"Close your mouth, Mako." He says a second before she regains her composure.

Mako chuckles and averts her eyes for just a second, as if she needs it to convince herself that what just happened is real. Raleigh can tell how much Chuck's words of thanks mean to her. He thinks they need a moment alone, so he gets up. "I'll get you some food, Mako."

She's looks up at him with a grateful expression in her eyes and Raleigh gives her a quick smile. He touches his hand to the nape of Chuck's neck, carding his fingers through his hair, then he makes his way over to the serving counters. He knows that something between Mako and Chuck changed since Operation Pitfall, that they're getting along better. He learned in the drifts with both Chuck and Mako that they spent quite some time growing up together an consider each other as siblings. Raleigh noticed how Chuck is making an effort to improve his in all honesty quite screwed up relationships with those he cares about, and Raleigh wants to give him a chance to do so with Mako, too. Expressing his sincere gratitude to Mako sound like a step in the right direction.

When it's finally his turn, Raleigh takes a tray of food and makes sure to add a chocolate pudding because he knows Mako has a massive sweet tooth and loves this specific dessert. She also usually doesn't take it because she knows it's unhealthy and she's too disciplined to give in to her cravings, but Raleigh figures that it's a day full of surprises anyway, so now it's his turn to surprise her with her favourite treat. He passes by the coffee machines and adds a coffee for him and Chuck and a green tea for Mako, then he makes his way back to the table. It's slow going because he might have overloaded the tray a bit and Raleigh feels the pain in his shoulder from the weight. Considering that it's not really that heavy, that's saying a lot about the condition of his shoulder. 

Raleigh watches Chuck and Mako while approaching the table to figure out if he should give them more time. They seem relaxed and are quite obviously talking about something, so Raleigh reaches out to Chuck over the ghost drift and gets the clear invitation to join them. He sets the tray down in front of Mako and hands one mug to Chuck and sets the other next to his own half-finished tray. 

"Oh, coffee! You're the best." Chuck exclaims before he enthusiastically devours his coffee. He's done with his lunch and the tray is squeaky clean. He was really hungry, then, Raleigh thinks with a smirk and continues eating his own lunch.

"Thank you, Raleigh." Mako says with a pleased smile, and he knows she's not just talking about the food. Then she eyes the pudding with open anticipation. "You even brought dessert."

"Thought you might like it." Raleigh says while sitting down in his chair and tries to look innocent.

"I do." Mako raises an eyebrow. "Very much, as you know." 

Raleigh just grins. "I had no idea."

Chuck snorts but doesn't say a thing. He's too busy enjoying his coffee, just as Raleigh expected he would be. Chuck and his coffee, it's an almost epic love affair. 

Raleigh is pleasantly surprised by the easy atmosphere and the peacefulness of their lunch. They talk about the progress of the Civvies, then Chuck inquires after the new Mark series and soon Mako is on a roll. It's obvious how much work, time and effort she's pouring into the project, and Raleigh loves to see both Chuck and Mako alight with passion. Chuck may be primarily a pilot, but he's also a devout techie and a talented engineer, something Mako obviously knows about and it's clear she respects his skills. Mako's technical proficiency is common knowledge, but not many know that Chuck is equally passionate about Jaeger construction. 

Raleigh is content to eat his food and sip his coffee and listen to them bouncing all kinds of ideas off each other. He doesn't feel up to join, not just because they're both on an entirely different level of expertise than him, but also because he's getting tired. He feels the hours he spent on his feet and while it frustrated him a bit how easily his energy reserves are depleted, he also know there's not much he can do about it than give his body time to heal. It has taken quite a beating - and not just in the physical sense - so he figures it deserves a bit of time to recover. 

"So, do you feel at home yet in your new quarters?" Mako changes the topic when she gets to her precious dessert. She handles it like a treasure and quite obviously enjoys every bite of it. Raleigh feels very pleased that he picked it up for her.

"It's as cosy as shatterdome quarters can be." Chuck replies with a chuckle. He throws Raleigh a quick glance before he returns his gaze to Mako. "But I like it."

"Do you know what's going to happen to your dad? Does he stay in your old place alone?" Raleigh never thought about that before, but now he realises that the fact that he and Chuck are co-pilots means that for the first time since the Kaiju came into this world, Chuck is actually not living with his father. They always had family or shared quarters before. In a way, this is quite a step, not just for Chuck. 

"I think he'll move in with Pentecost." Chuck says over the rim of his mug that's probably almost empty. Seems he's been thinking about this too, then.

"It's about time." Mako remarks in a quite atypical manner that surprises Raleigh. Mako is usually not one to comment on Pentecost's life, especially not about personal things.

"Why's that?" Raleigh inquires because he's curious now.

"For one, they are co-pilots, so following the rules, they should share quarters, no matter that Sensei is the Marshal." Mako sets her spoon aside to focus on explaining her rationale. "Furthermore, they are a perfect match and almost lost each other just days ago. It would do them both a world of good to live together. I think they deserve it to finally have a little peace and quiet."

Chuck just nods, his expression serious. "Can't argue with that." 

"Considering what we've all been through, I think it's safe to say that we all deserve some peace an quiet." Raleigh agrees, then he sighs. "I just doubt that the world will allow us to have it."

"Not on the grand scale, no, probably not. There's too much going on, to many risks left and to many things to do to really live in peace." Mako admits, taking up her spoon again to continue eating her chocolate pudding. "But at least on a small scale it should be possible. At home, in private."

"Tell that to the press." Chuck grumbles and Raleigh knows he's thinking about that rather unpleasant interview of yesterday afternoon. "Talking about the press, I heard there's supposed to be a publicity and fundraising tour with us pilots and the key crew members. Is that true, Mako?"

Mako nods. "It's an idea that's being discussed. It's not sure yet, Hansen-san wants to talk to those concerned before making any decisions."

"That's not going to be fun, getting jerked around the world to be presented like trophies." Chuck mutters into his mug, obviously not too fond of the idea. Raleigh wonders if he's holding it just because he want to or if there's actually any coffee left. 

"I do see their reason for it, though." Raleigh admits, although he's no more enthusiastic about it than Chuck. He can tell that even Mako is not looking forward to it, but they all know they will do it because it's necessary. It's no secret that the PPDC need money and publicity means money.

After lunch Mako heads back to her projects. Raleigh appreciates that she spent as much time with them as she did and thanks her with a little, genuine smile before she heads off. She returns it with a gentle incline of her head before she disappears out of the mess hall. When Raleigh turns to Chuck, he finds him looking at Raleigh with a gaze that only barely manages to hide the worry it holds.

"You're exhausted. You need rest. No, don't bother denying it, I can _feel_ it." Chuck says and gets up to usher Raleigh back to their new quarters. "Let's find out how comfortable our new beds are." 

Raleigh smirks and waggles his eyebrows suggestively while following Chuck out of the mess hall. 

Chuck snorts and throws him a pointedly chiding glance that's ruined by the halfway suppressed smile tugging on his lips. " _That's_ not what I meant, you horny old man. We can watch a movie, and then you'll take a nap because Doc Nash made me promise that I would make you rest."

Raleigh doesn't like to admit it, but Chuck is right. Even with as little as he did this morning, he feels exhausted and the prospect of cuddling up to Chuck in bed sounds heavenly. He might even take that nap Chuck insists on, even if it's barely one o'clock in the afternoon. When they get to their new quarters, Chuck pushes Raleigh towards the bed and orders him to get comfortable while he pulls up a movie on the room's large screen. Raleigh chuckles and decides to just take the chance to rest. He takes off his boots and pads barefoot into the bathroom to take a leak. When he comes out again, Chuck is lounging on the pushed together bunk beds, obviously waiting for Raleigh. His boots are standing neatly arranged next to Raleigh's at the foot of the bed beside Max' doggie bed. 

He pats the mattress next to him. "Come on, Ranger Becket, time for a bit of relaxation."

Raleigh chuckles and walks over to the bed, then he sits down and doesn't hesitate to lean with his right side against Chuck. It's the perfect position since his bad left shoulder as well as Chuck's injured right arm are safely out of harm's way. He's sure Chuck planned this.

"And now what, Ranger Hansen?" Raleigh asks and watches Chuck with a raised eyebrow and a challenging smirk on his lips. 

"Now we watch 'Die Hard'." Chuck replies with a smug grin and starts the movie, then he settles his left arm around Raleigh and pulls him closer. Raleigh leans into him and turns his attention to the screen. He loves the old classic action flicks, and Chuck not only knows that but actually shares his enthusiasm. Raleigh doesn't even realise he fell asleep at some point during the movie until he wakes again. He's disorientated as is the norm for him upon waking, and it takes him a moment to remember where he is and what it is that woke him. 

"Charlie, stop it." Raleigh protests more asleep than awake when he feels Chuck's warm, comfortable shoulder move underneath him with the obvious goal to wriggle out of under him. Chuck stills immediately and when Raleigh turns his head to squint up to him with only one eye, he's smiling fondly at Raleigh. 

"Sorry I woke you." Chuck says in a quiet voice and cards his fingers through Raleigh's hair in a most pleasant and very soothing fashion.

"Why are you up?" Raleigh asks once he finds the words that are aimlessly flying around in his mind. While he generally hates being this confused and fuzzy upon waking, he's too comfortable right now to actually care.

Chuck smiles at him, that gorgeous real smile that brings out his dimples, and never stops the slow caress of his fingers in Raleigh's hair. The touch makes Raleigh feel relaxed and boneless and he can't help leaning into it. "I'll go see how my dad is doing. See if Pentecost woke up yet."

Raleigh nods in encouragement. "It's bound to have a pretty big impact on him."

He noticed the improvement in Chuck's relationship to his father, and he thinks it's a good development. There's still a lot of work left to do, but the fact alone that there hasn't been a fight since Operation Pitfall is a good sign in Raleigh's opinion. 

"It is." Chuck agrees, his voice still low as if he's trying to keep Raleigh from waking up for real. "Why don't you just let me up and then sleep a bit more. I don't think I'll be long, and you can keep the sheets warm for us."

"Sounds like a plan." Raleigh agrees and shifts to the left just enough that he's not halfway lying on top of Chuck anymore. Chuck crawls over him, carefully avoiding Raleigh's bad shoulder, and slips out of bed. Raleigh watches him move through their quarters to the bathroom. He really wants to keep his eyes open until Chuck's gone, but he's warm and comfortable and feels so utterly relaxed and safe that he feels his eyes slide shut. He's aware of warm lips pressing to his temple and a gentle hand in his hair, then Chuck's deep voice close to his ear. "Go back to sleep, Rals. I'll be back in no time."

"Hmmm, 'kay." Raleigh mumbles, the only response he can manage. He drifts back to sleep within minutes of the door falling shut, and it's deep and dreamless. He only becomes aware of his surroundings again when he hears the heavy door of the quarters open, followed by the familiar sound of Chuck's heavy boots on the concrete floor. Raleigh doesn't bother opening his eyes, he just listens to the sound of Chuck stripping off his boots and then moving around the room almost noiselessly. Raleigh can't tell how much time has passed when he feels the mattress dip behind him under Chuck's weight.

"How's your dad?" Raleigh murmurs only half awake. He feels Chuck's arm sneaking around his waist, then the warmth of Chuck's body presses all along Raleigh's back.

"Better." Chuck breathes quietly against his neck, a warm spot against Raleigh's skin that makes him smile. He'll have to let Chuck know at some point that he loves feeling his breath on his neck.

"Pentecost?" Raleigh asks while cuddling deeper into Chuck's arms. He's still as disorientated as he always is upon waking, but having Chuck close helps. He acts like an anchor to reality, making it easier to remember where he is.

"He'll wake soon." Chuck replies and presses an open mouthed kiss behind Raleigh's ear. His tongue flickers over the skin for a second, then he chuckles. "Now shush, Rals. I can tell you're more asleep than awake. Let's talk later and go to sleep now. I'll wake you in time for dinner."

"Sounds good." Raleigh murmurs and allows sleep to claim him again, feeling Chuck close in body and mind. It feels like home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are love and I could really need some love right now. My Muse would also greatly appreciate it ^_^


	40. Reconnection (Stacker/Herc, Stacker & Mako, Chuck/Raleigh)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After waking up from coma, Stacker slowly reconnects with the world and the people around him. It's a work in progress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I seem to be on a Pacific Rim roll right now, so here's the next fic. I hope you like where things are going ^_^

_Hong Kong Shatterdome, January 20th 2025_

It's the second message that day concerning Sensei, just that this time it's Hansen-san who contacts her, not Tendo. Mako is heading towards the med bay, forcing herself to walk and not to run. Hansen-san wrote her just minutes ago to let her know that Sensei is not only awake, but also lucid and in full possession of his memories. She finds herself smiling at the realisation that he knows her well enough to predict her reaction and tried to ease her worry by answering what would have been her first question. 

Mako is still not entirely sure how it's possible that Sensei and Hansen-san survived the blast of the thermonuclear bomb. She analysed the escape pods that were transported back to the shatterdome in a second chopper. They were in a dreadful condition that had made goosebumps spread all over her body when she'd first seen them. Nothing could have made it clearer how close she had come to losing Sensei and Hansen-san. 

Mako agrees with the rescue crew's assessment that it's a miracle that the pods made it to the surface at all, and that it's even more of a miracle that they stayed afloat long enough for the fishing boat to find them. Mako looked at the spot where Hansen-san's pod had taken on water and a thorough check of the inside of the capsule told her that it had been a very very close call. She knows that by the time the fishing boat's crew had lifted the pod out of the ocean, two thirds of it had been entirely submerged and Hansen-san must have been lying in the slowly rising water for hours. It's pure dumb luck that the hole was by his feet and that the seas were calm and warm enough that he neither drowned nor succumbed to hypothermia.

Mako shakes the dreadful thoughts when she gets to the med bay. She flashes her badge although she knows she doesn't need to, every nurse and doctor knows who she is. It's protocol, though, and if she expects others to stick to it, then she has to set a good example. The rules as well as the restricted access to the med bay are in place for good reason, after all.

Only a few seconds later she's standing in front of the metal door leading into Sensei's sick room. Mako takes a deep breath and knocks before pushing it open. She finds Hansen-san sitting on the edge of the bed, one hand holding Sensei's whose face is turned towards the door. Mako feels her heart almost stop when she's greeted by the clear and alert gaze of Sensei's eyes, a sight she was not sure she'd ever get to see again. She wanted to believe that he would wake up, that he would be all right, but life has made her careful of such hope, almost to the point of suspicion. She couldn't allow herself to really hope because it would have broken her to find that hope destroyed.

"Mako."

Now that Sensei is smiling at her, though, saying her name, she finally dares to hope, to believe. Mako returns the smile without even realising it, it's an immediate and heartfelt reaction, a physical manifestation of the overwhelming relief she feels in every bone of her body. Hearing that Sensei is out of coma is one thing, but actually seeing him awake is an entirely different thing.

"Sensei." Mako feels her cheeks almost hurt with the intensity of her smile. When her gaze flickers over to Hansen-san, she finds him watching her with a pleased little smile of his own. He leans down and presses a quick kiss to Sensei's forehead, then he gets up off the edge of the bed. He comes across the room where she's still standing with the handle of the door in her hand and gives her shoulder a quick squeeze when he passes her. 

"I'll come back later." He glances at Sensei, then his gaze focusses on Mako and he gives her a gentle smile. "Take your time."

He's gone before Mako can react, and she's sure he did that on purpose. She assumes that he knows that she and Sensei need to talk, to just have a few minutes to themselves after everything that's happened. Whether it's his connection to Sensei, his knowledge of what happened those first days after the collapse of the Breach or his intuition she doesn't know, but Mako is certain he'll make sure they get the time they need. She's very grateful for that.

Mako lets go of the handle after closing the heavy metal door behind her, then she slowly walks over to where Sensei is lying in the hospital bed, his dark skin a sharp contrast to the starched white sheets. His gaze follows her path and when she remains standing beside the bed, unsure of whether to take Hansen-san's spot on the edge or to drag over the plastic chair from the corner of the room, he smiles and pats the mattress next to him. Mako accepts the invitation and perches on the bed.

"Sensei..." Mako is a little embarrassed that her voice cracks, so she clears her throat before she continues. "It's good to see you awake. How are you feeling?"

"All things considered I feel fine." Sensei replies. His voice is rough from disuse, but it's strong and clear and his words are sure. It reassures her immensely that he can speak without trouble, it's a very good sign that he has come out of the drift without too much further neural damage. "I must say that I didn't expect Operation Pitfall to have such a positive outcome. Herc told me that not only did we manage to close the Breach, but Chuck and Raleigh survived, too."

"They did." Mako smiles at the memory of Raleigh and Chuck moving into their new quarters, another step back to life on the long road of recovery. "Raleigh was discharged from the medical bay this morning. He is still recovering, but it's going well."

"That's good to hear." Sensei nods in acknowledgement, then his gaze focusses on Mako. She feels like he's taking in all the little signs that tell him how she's doing, checking her over to make sure she's all right. She remembers that look from her childhood when he used to do it a lot, knowing she wasn't likely to complain even if something _was_ wrong. She hasn't seen that look in a while and it makes her feel warm. "And how are you, Mako?"

"I'm very busy, Sensei. I don't know how much you've been told yet, but we're hard at work to get the PPDC up and running again, among other things the Proving Ground and the Academy. We're also developing a new Mark series and a smaller, single-pilot version of the Jaegers that-" Mako stops talking when she feels Sensei's hand on her uninjured right arm. His hand is pleasantly warm and his touch gentle but firm, just the way it has always been, and that somehow grounds Mako more than any words could have. 

"Mako." Sensei interrupts her flow of words gently, his hand giving a little squeeze. "I want to know how _you_ are doing. I can imagine that the past weeks weren't easy."

Mako looks at his hand on her arm and doesn't know what to say. They usually don't do that, talking about feelings. Not like this, at least. Neither of them is the type to share openly how they feel, not when it's personal. And this is very personal, to him and to her, she knows that without a doubt. But Sensei looks worried, and Mako doesn't like that look on his face, not when she is the one to cause it. She instinctively knows that hiding the effect that the events of the past two weeks had on her would only make him worry more, though. Sensei is not stupid, after all, he's well aware that things like that don't pass by without leaving a trace on a person's soul. 

"I'm so glad you're back, Sensei." Mako says before she has even thought the words, her voice very quiet and a bit shaky, but she knows he hears her words. She feels his hand give another gentle squeeze and when she looks up, it is to find his serious gaze on her.

"I'm so sorry, Mako." he says after a moment of just looking at her, the regret plain in his eyes and his voice.

Mako is confused and doesn't bother hiding it. "Sorry for what, Sensei? You didn't do anything that needs apologising."

"For making you go through all this. For dragging you into this war, right up to the front line." Sensei sighs and it sounds so weary that it made a shiver run down Mako's spine. "I just wish I could have given you a real childhood instead of dragging you from shatterdome to shatterdome and making you grow up into a life like this." 

For a moment Mako is stunned by his words. She never knew he thought about their lives like that, and she feels the urge to correct his point of view. "You didn't drag me into this, Sensei. Onibaba did. After that day, I could never have led what you call 'a normal life'. It wasn't an option anymore." She makes a point of holding his gaze so that he can see that she means every word. "You gave me the chance to come to terms with what happened. You gave me a purpose."

He's quiet for a while, then he replies, "What I should have given you is stability, a life, a family, a home. Instead you grew up around military bases, permanently moving around and never getting the chance to bond with anybody."

It pains her to hear Sensei say that. Mako knows that she's not prone to showing her feelings, but maybe she should have done it more if her silence led to him believing _that_. She wonders if he really doesn't know that no matter the pain of losing her parents, Mako would not change a thing. It's her path, this is where her life was always supposed to lead. And now that she has Sensei back, now that Hansen-san and Chuck-kun and Raleigh are alive and reasonably well, there's nothing she would want to be different. Not fundamentally, at least.

"Sensei, you did give me a home and a family." Mako replies, her voice firm. She's a bit uncomfortable spelling things out like this, but maybe it's time, maybe they actually need saying. 

Or maybe it's more effective to show him. Mako quickly retrieves her phone and accesses the old picture that shows Sensei, Hansen-san, her and young Chuck-kun with puppy Max in front of the listing Christmas tree. She holds it out for Sensei to see and watches his eyes widen in surprise. "My family is you and Hansen-san and Chuck-kun. Sensei, you have been my father for a very long time, and you always will be."

It's quite obvious that her words catch him completely out of the blue. He stares at her for a long time, not saying anything, but she can read in his eyes how much her words mean to him. He's not consciously holding back, she can tell that he's actually overwhelmed and doesn't know how to react. She can't remember ever having seen him so emotional.

He doesn't seem to have the words, so instead of speaking, he pulls her close in an embrace that's slightly awkward due to the fact that he's still lying down and she's sitting on the bed. For a second Mako is surprised by the open display of affection that she's not used to from Sensei, but then she welcomes the unexpected touch.

"Thank you, Mako." Sensei mumbles after pressing a kiss into her hair, his voice rough, his uninjured arm a warm and comfortable weight around her shoulder. Mako smiles, closes her eyes and just enjoys the comfort of the unfamiliar closeness, of the feeling of warmth, safety and home that wraps around her. 

It feels like a turning point.

*** 

_"It was a pleasure seeing you awake. I know it means a lot to everybody here to know that you're back."_

Stacker is still staring at the door that just closed behind Naomi Sokolov, the independent journalist the PPDC contacted to do the Jaeger pilot interviews. Her words ring in his ears, the sincerity with which she said them makes him feel... he's not quite sure how he feels right now. Things are still fuzzy, he knows he missed a week of important developments and he's out of the loop. For them, things have gone on, for him, it's like he just triggered the payload on Striker's back an hour ago. It feels like no time has passed at all.

For Herc and Mako, though, that's a different story. One look at them and Stacker knew that every day that passed since they detonated that bomb is very much real for them and took its toll on them. It's not just the injuries that are openly visible, no, it's an intangible thing that reads exhaustion, bone-deep worry, despair, weariness, even fear. It manifests differently on Mako and Herc, but they both show clear signs of a long and painful time that he missed entirely. 

Stacker still remembers all too vividly how Herc shook in his arms right after Stacker woke up, clearly so close to the end of his rope that the relief about Stacker opening his eyes cracked his mask of calm discipline. The raw and intense emotions he caught up on over the ghost drift told him more about how much the recent events effected Herc than any conversation could have. It told him about Herc's fear of Stacker not waking up, of finally losing him after years of living with that threat. But, same as Mako an hour ago, Herc's smile is now genuinely pleased and happy, and he seems to relax more and more with every minute they spend close to each other. As if time spent together is the only thing that'll ease the weariness, a first step on the road to recovery. For them as well as for Stacker.

Stacker turns away from the door to look at Herc who's still resting beside him on the bed, propped up on his elbow. The physical repercussions of Operation Pitfall are clearly visible on him, marking him as a survivor. The discoloured skin all over his body and the cast on his right arm are among the most obvious marks. And then there's the long gash on the left side of his face that will no doubt turn into a prominent scar, but Stacker can tell that Herc isn't really bother by any of it. He noticed immediately upon waking that the ghost drift to Herc is a great deal stronger than it has been in years. It's like their recent drift reopened their connection, amplified the signal and gave it a boost. Stacker never realised how the years without drifting impacted on their ghost drift because it was such a slow development. Their connection never faded, not even close, but it did get weaker up to a certain level and then stayed there.

"She's right, you know." Herc remarks next to him, pulling Stacker out of his wandering thoughts. His voice is quiet and sincere. He means it. "Knowing you woke up is kind of a turning point for them. They feel like now we can finally move on and get the PPDC going again. And going strong."

"It seems like you all managed quite well on your own so far. And honestly, I'm glad that's the case." Stacker admits. He still can't quite believe that they're really here in the shatterdome, that they both survived Operation Pitfall that was always planned as a suicide mission. Stacker surly never expected to come back from it, and even if he'd physically survive the mission, he'd been quite sure that drifting again would leave him a drooling vegetable. That's quite obviously not the case, though. He doesn't feel any different than he did before drifting again. All right, he does feel weak and exhausted in a way he never has before, but that's purely physical and not mental. He thinks it's probably a mixture of his injuries, the undoubtedly strong meds he's on and the fact that he just woke from a coma.

Herc chuckles. "Mako and Tendo did a great job of keeping things going. They're still doing it, in fact. Managed to clear a 24 hour window for me so that I can be here with you without having to worry about the PPDC."

Something in Stacker swells with pride hearing that Mako is among those leading the PPDC. It's not that he ever doubted that she could, but to hear that she's actually doing it is still makes him deeply proud. Herc filled him in on the most important developments since the collapse of the Breach. He knows that Chuck and Raleigh are doing all right considering what they went through, that Mako is the new face of the PPDC, that Caitlin Lightcap is here, that there are already efforts under way to rebuild the PPDC and keep it out of the UN's hands. It's a lot to take it, to realize how much changed in just one week, but he's pleased with the way things are going. He's also not surprised to hear that Tendo and Mako pooled their resources to get Herc time off to spend with Stacker. It sounds exactly like something they would do, especially since both of them are among the few people who are fully aware of the true nature of Stacker's and Herc's relationship.

Before Stacker can say anything, there's a knock on the door and a second later Caitlin Lightcap steps into the room. Stacker hasn't seen her in a year or two, but he can't say he's too surprised that she's here. Of course she would be the first person to contact given his condition and the reason for it. She is the foremost expert in drift science, after all. Herc told him that she had checked on him already a few hours ago, but he'd fallen asleep again by that time. She thought it was better to let him have his rest and had told Herc to let her know when Stacker was awake. 

Caitlin is smiling at him when she sees he's awake, and Stacker immediately remembers why he always liked her. She's brilliant but still keeps her feet on the ground, she's sincere and genuinely cares about people, and she might be shy around strangers, but with people she knows and trusts, she's open and affectionate. Ever since Stacker became a test pilot for her in 2015, he slowly became one of those people. It's a mutual feeling.

"It's good to see you awake, Stacker." Caitlin says when she comes to stand beside the bed. She's among the few people who use his first name, and it's a relationship that has grown over years of working together, of giving everything in the fight against the Kaiju. Stacker considers her one of the founding members of the PPDC, she is a huge part of the reason the PPDC even exists. Without her work on the pons, without her brilliant mind and her courage, drifting wouldn't exists and neither would Jaegers. 

"Thank you for coming, Caitlin." Stacker makes a point to show her his sincere gratitude. He knows she probably had other engagements by the time she was asked to help, and the fact that she came anyway means a lot. He knows she's the best mind on the subject, his best chance of survival.

"You're welcome." She smiles again, the shy smile that means that she's pleased but also a little bit embarrassed, and then changes the subject. "How are you feeling?"

"Pretty good all things considered." Stacker replies honestly. "I expected to be off a lot worse, actually, considering how strongly I was warned off drifting."

"So, how's it looking, Caitlin?" Herc asks, never bothering to get up from his position on the bed, pressed along Stacker's side. He's as relaxed as Stacker, and it's a testament to how comfortable they both are in her presence. 

“Well, first of all, from the medical side of things, you are very very lucky that Striker Eureka isn't - wasn't - nuclear, so at least your radiation poisoning wasn't worsened.” Caitlin says to Stacker with a nod to the little medication tin on the bedside table. "The cancer is still an issue, though, I don't need to tell you that. But it hasn't worsened, and that's good news."

Stacker smirks dryly. "Well, I wasn't expecting the cancer to have miraculously vanished."

"At least it hasn't gotten worse." Herc says with relief in his voice, he must have been expecting something else. "Did you find out if drifting caused any more neural damage?"

“Honestly - and I know I'm not telling you anything new - the three hours of solo driving you did in 2016 should already have damaged your brain beyond repair, Stacker. It obviously didn't, and same as back then, we don't know exactly what happened now.” Caitlin says openly. She has known Stacker too long to sugar-coat the facts, so she's straight forward with her reply. “You know that we still do not understand in full detail how the drift works and how it affects the brain, especially concerning perfect matches. The only thing we can say is that the data suggests that Herc's brain took the load of the drift that was too much for you. We suspect that it has to do with the fact that you are a perfect match. Your brains automatically evened out the odds once you were linked. It seems to be connected to the effect of functioning as one entity as soon as the neural handshake is initiated." 

Caitlin pauses, as if she's unsure whether to say more, then she continues. "We're quite sure that drifting with anybody but Herc would have killed you.”

Stacker feels a shiver run down his spine at the same time that Herc's hand tightens around his. It's obvious that Caitlin isn't joking, she's dead serious. She obviously thinks it's important that he understands how close he came to losing his life.

"I wish I could tell you more, but the fact is that this is a first. It's not like I have any other data on this kind of situation. There are so few perfect matches among Rangers that I can only guess here. As a matter of fact, there are only three still alive - the Kaidonovskys, you two, and our newest addition, the Becket-Hansen team.” She pauses for a moment and Stacker can tell that there are hundreds of thoughts running through her mind at lightning speed. "In fact, I'd love to get them to agree to be the test subject for some research on the dynamics of a perfect match. It's an interesting coincidence - if it actually _is_ one - that out of the five Jaeger pilot teams to survive, three are a perfect match. Especially considering that we only ever had four in the entire history of the PPDC, as far as we know. Well, five with Becket-Hansen."

"Will I be able to pilot again?" Stacker asks after thinking about all the things she just told them. Herc informed him about the very real possibility of another Breach opening, and Stacker needs to know where his place in that future war will be. 

"I can't tell you yet if you'll be able to pilot again. Right now I would advise against it." Caitlin replies honestly.

Stacker nods because he's been expecting that answer, but he can't help his disappointment transmitting over the ghost drift. Herc's thumb caresses the back of his hand in reply. "And drifting?"

"Based on the data we have from Operation Pitfall, I'm reasonably sure that drifting with Herc will not cause you any damage. But you're still weakened by the recent events and the week spent in coma, so for now I'd say that it's not worth the risk. Heal up first, get back in shape and let us do some tests before you attempt to drift again." Caitlin looks at him, deep understanding in her eyes and her voice gentle but firm. "I know what the drift means to a perfect match, but you've managed for a decade without it, so let's not rush things now and take unnecessary risks. We've come to far for that."

Stacker nods again. She's right and he knows that, but the disappointment is still there. He craves to drift with Herc again, he wants that crystal clear connection, he wants to share the burden of what Herc had to go through since waking up after Pitfall, he wants to ease the pain he can still feel underlying Hercs experiences even through the ghost drift.

"It's temporary, Stacker." Caitlin gives him an encouraging smile. "We're doing some very interesting research into the drift of perfect matches at the moment with the specific goal of helping you. We don't know yet where it'll lead, but it looks very promising. Herc can tell you the gist of it." 

"I've already begun to fill him in, but there's much left to tell." Herc remarks, his thumb never stopping its caress of Stacker's hand.

"Well, a lot has happened while you were unconscious, Stacker. You just woke up after being in a coma for eight days, not to mention the battle you went through before. Why don't you rest for now, reconnect with the world, and let things happen at their own time?" Caitlin smiles at him, her eyes gentle and understanding, but determined nonetheless. Stacker can tell that she won't let him get involved in any straining activities anytime soon. "You should go back to sleep, Stacker. You will heal faster if you make sure you get the rest you need to recover." 

"Sounds like a plan." Stacker replies with a little smirk. It's true that he feels a bone-deep exhaustion spreading through his entire body that underlines how far away he is from being back on his feet. It's no surprise, really, considering everything that happened. He should be glad that he's alive at all instead of reaching for the stars before he's even able to stand on his own. Stacker's never been very good at being patient with his own body, though. He'll have time to practise now, he's quite sure of that.

"Should I ask for the nurses to bring in a second bed?" Caitlin asks with a voice that is almost neutral, but Stacker can hear good-natured amusement underneath it.

"Nah, we're good." Herc replies with a smile and a raised eyebrow.

Caitlin smirks. "I thought so."

She turns to leave, but stops at the door. "I'll be back tomorrow morning. Herc, I trust you to make sure he'll rest."

Herc chuckles. "I will."

Caitlin smiles again and then disappears out of the door which she closes almost silently behind her. Stacker feels his eyes drift shut even before he hears the heavy metal door close. He wants to stay awake, though, he has so many questions that he wants to ask Herc. He hates being out of the loop, especially at a time as crucial as this for the PPDC's future, and he knows that Herc has only told him the most important bits so far. There was no time for more before Mako came to the med bay, and afterwards Stacker fell asleep again. It annoys him that he's just lying around in bed dong nothing because his body isn't ready to function like it should.

"Shhhh, Stacks, just let it go." he hears Herc's voice murmur close to his ear, soft and warm like velvet wrapping around him and soothing his inner unrest. "Don't fight it, just rest."

Stacker feels Herc's fingers card through his hair, the touch slow and calming, and he can't help falling back into the welcoming arms of sleep. He only wakes when there's the sound of the door opening followed by a short conversation. He's still caught up in the clingy webs of sleep, though, and it takes some serious effort to open his eyes. He's greeted by the sight of Herc sitting on the edge of the bed, talking to a middle-aged nurse who brought in a cart with two trays of food and a pitcher of water. She greets Stacker when she realises that he's awake, props up the back of the bed and sets a four-legged tray over his legs before placing a bowl of soup on it.

"Eat as much as you can, Marshal." she says sternly before leaving the room.

Stacker almost jealously eyes Herc's plate which contains something resembling real food, contrary to the soup he's being served. When he tries to steal a morsel of potato, Herc batters his hand aside and sternly tells him that his stomach can't deal with it yet. Stacker snorts, but Herc remains steadfast. It seems that the nurse had a serious talk with him about Stacker's condition, and obviously she managed to drag him on her side because there's no negotiating with him. Stacker finally resigns to his soup, and only when he's halfway through and already feeling queasy he admits that maybe the nurse and Herc have a point.

They're just about finished eating when there's a knock on the door. Stacker looks up from his now empty bowl - he forced himself to eat it all because he knows his body need the nutrition - and he's surprised to see Chuck enter the room. No matter that they've known each other for a long time, Chuck Hansen is about the last person he expected a visit from.

"Mako told us that you woke up." Chuck says as a way of greeting when he sees Stacker look at him. He's closely followed by Raleigh who shuts the door behind him before turning to face Stacker. 

He gives a smile that is obviously genuine when he says, "It's good to have you back, sir."

They come to stand in a respectful distance to the bed, and Stacker can't help noticing how Chuck has a supportive arm wrapped around Raleigh who seems to be leaning against him. Raleigh looks tired, almost exhausted, and Stacker is sure that Chuck's gesture is not just based in his need to touch, it's clearly a help to keep Raleigh standing. Even without taking the bags under Raleigh's eyes and his obvious injuries into consideration, that tells him that Raleigh was most likely seriously injured during Operation Pitfall. Herc didn't have the time so far to go into all the details yet, and Stacker suddenly realises that there's a lot he still needs to find out. 

What strikes him most, though, is that he can tell right away that this is not the Chuck he remembers. Something about him is different, and it has nothing to do with the physical injuries he's sporting. It's something intangible but essential, and it makes Stacker a bit wary because he suddenly feels like he doesn't know the young man who just came into his room. It takes him a moment, then he realises that Herc isn't on the defensive as he normally is when he's in the same room as Chuck. Due to years of experience Herc always expects Chuck to attack him in some way, mostly with well-aimed hurtful words, and Stacker has been the witness of their clashes more often than he can count. Now, though, the tension and the underlying animosity between Herc and Chuck is gone. Instead there seems to be a kind of careful wariness, as if they don't quite know how to deal with each other, but they both seem to make an effort to not fall back in the familiar patterns that almost ruined their relationship before. It's a kind of improvement that Stacker never expected to see, and another thing he needs to ask Herc about.

"Gentlemen." Stacker nods in acknowledgement. "Thank you for coming by."

"How are you feeling?" There seems to be genuine concern in Chuck's voice that catches Stacker by surprise. A lot of things have changed in the past week, that much is certain.

"I'm reasonably well, all things considered." Stacker replies evenly and wonders how often he'll have to reply to that question in the close future. A lot of times, probably. He smirks and can't help adding, "It's going to take a while before I strap into a Jaeger again, though."

"Well, considering that we have no Jaegers left, that's not too much of a surprise, sir." Raleigh retorts with a little smirk of his own that tells Stacker that not only did Raleigh get his meaning, he's also conveying that _he's_ not going to be in a Jaeger anytime soon, either. It confirms Stacker's guess that Raleigh was hurt badly enough to put him out of commission. He hopes it's temporary and not permanently, though, because Raleigh is too good a pilot to lose. And he's reining in Chuck, which is a feat in its own right.

"Mako's team is already working on the Mark VI series, though." Chuck chimes in. "And you might have heard that they're developing single-pilot mechas, too. They're called Civilian Explores, nickname 'Civvies'."

Stacker catches Herc rolling his eyes at the mention of the nickname and feels his dislike of it over the ghost drift. Stacker is careful to hide his amused smirk at Herc's reaction.

"We're still at the very beginning, so I'm sure by the time there's anything to test, all of us are back on our feet. " Herc says with a gesture that encompasses the entire room, probably even the shatterdome. He's quite obviously referring to all the pilots who're still recovering. 

"Doc Lightcap already signed us up as test pilots." Chuck's anticipation is tangible, and Stacker is surprised by his openly displayed emotions. Before Pitfall - before Raleigh -, the only emotions Chuck Hansen never bothered to hide were anger, aggression and disdain. He always openly lived them out to the fullest. 

"The Wei Tang brothers and the Kaidonovskys are in, too." Raleigh adds with a smirk. "Seems we're all eager to get back into the game, sir, so there's no need to worry about the PPDC."

"I greatly appreciate that." Stacker replies and means it. There may be a lot of problems ahead of the PPDC, but its loyal personnel is not one of them. It's a relief to know that.

There's a prolonged silence afterwards as nobody seems to know what to say. The atmosphere gets a bit awkward and Stacker can see Chuck shifting almost uneasily from one foot to the other. 

"We're off again, we just wanted to see how you're doing." Chuck gives Stacker a nod and an awkward half-smile and gestures towards the door.

"I hope you'll get better soon, sir." Raleigh says before he allows Chuck to lead him out of the room. The door closes silently behind them.

"Now that was awkward." Herc states drily after a minute of silence, the amusement plain in his voice. 

Stacker can't contain a chuckle. "Well, yes, but the fact alone that Chuck came here amazes me."

Herc gets up from where he's been sitting on the uncomfortable chair by the bed and stretches, then he takes off his boots. "He's been through a lot in those past weeks. It has changed him. Still is, in fact."

"In a good way, it seems." Stacker remarks an watches Herc getting ready for the night. It's not that late yet, but they both need the rest.

"I hope so." Herc lies down next to Stacker on the mattress and Stacker moves aside a bit to allow him to slip underneath the covers. Stacker cuddles up to him and rests his head on Herc's chest, his ear right over his heart. For a long time he's quiet and motionless, he's only concentrating on Herc's heartbeat while blocking out the world around them. He still feels kind of disconnected from the world, and the urge to get back to work is strong. He knows Caitlin is right, though. He's weakened in body and mind, and resting is the best thing he can do to get better soon. 

"Can you tell me more about what happened that past week?" Stacker asks after a few minutes of relaxing silence. If he can't get back to work yet, he can at least get up to speed with the current developments. It seems there's a lot he missed, after all. 

He listens to Herc's low voice telling him about the things that have happened since Operation Pitfall. He learns about the fact that Raleigh piloted Gispy Danger into the Breach alone after Chuck's oxygen was compromised, that he ejected Chuck's escape pod long before his own, that he died temporarily, that he was in a coma. That explains a lot about Chuck, too. Then Herc tells him about the immediate aftermath of the closure of the Breach, about Mako's growing political influence, about the plans for the PPDC that they've already begun realising. Herc also fills him in on the developments of the drift research Caitlin referred to. He explains about the experiments they did with Chuck and Raleigh and the interesting results about Yancy being somehow stored in Raleigh's mind. Stacker doesn't bother to hide his surprise, shock even, to that revelation. He can tell already that this topic will be of relevance in the future.

When Herc falls silent, Stacker begins to nod off again. He's still so utterly tired, and he's reasonably sure that sentiment will accompany him for a while. He just hopes it's purely physical and not a belated consequence of the drift.

"Sleep, Stacks." Herc murmurs against Stacker's skin where his lips rest against his temple. "We both dearly need it."

Stacker feels the truth of his words in the exhaustion that comes over the ghost drift. He feels how run down Herc is, how much the last few weeks drained his reserves, especially that last week that Stacker was in a coma. Herc hasn't said a word about it yet, but Stacker can tell anyway.

Sleep comes faster than Stacker expected. When he wakes up again, it's to the feeling of the early morning sun on his face. One of the advantages of being the Marshal is that he gets to enjoy one of the few rooms in the med bay with a huge panorama window instead of a simple sky light. 

Since no nurse has been in yet to check on him, Stacker assumes that it must be very early. Herc is still asleep, his arms and legs wrapped around Stacker as if he's afraid Stacker might disappear. Stacker smiles and slowly cards his hand through Herc's tousled hair. He feels Herc slowly wake up and simply enjoys being close to him, touching him.

"Morning." Herc yawns after a few minutes and then slowly stretches before he relaxes again and props himself up on his uninjured elbow. He looks at Stacker for a long time, his fingers tracing careful patterns on the skin of Stacker's face. He's quite obviously thinking about something and Stacker patiently waits until he's ready to talk.

"There's something I haven't told you yet." Herc's voice is barely more than a low rumble. His hand never ceased its caress.

"What's that?" Stacker can clearly feel Herc's emotional turmoil over their connection and it makes him a bit nervous. Whatever it is that Herc hasn't told him, it's very important to Herc. 

Herc is quiet for a moment, as if he's searching for a point where to begin. "You remember that I told you about the drift experiment Caitlin did with Chuck and Raleigh. Where Raleigh was sedated."

Stacker just nods.

"It was kind of a test run to see if it was possible to send me into a drift with you while you were still in a coma." Herc continues to explain. "It worked. We drifted for almost sixteen hours and I entered a kind of drift-dream world your subconsciousness came up with to allow you to heal."

Stacker is so surprised and astonished and confused that it takes him a moment to find his voice. "I don't remember any of it."

"Yeah, I know." Herc says and the quiet sadness underlying his voice confuses Stacker even more. "Caitlin said that seems to always be the case for the unconscious drift partner. It was the same for Raleigh."

Stacker is quiet for a few minutes, he needs to come to terms with this new information. What bothers him the most is that he doesn't remember, so he decides to ask about it. Herc does seem to remember, after all. "What was it like, that drift dream world?"

Herc smiles involuntarily. A wave of warmth, of contentment and happiness transmits over the ghost drift, followed by a raw feeling of loss that doesn't make much sense to Stacker.

"It was perfect." Herc says quietly, a silent wistfulness in his voice.

"You loved it." Stacker suddenly understands when he picks up on Herc's emotions over the ghost drift.

"Yeah, I did." Herc's voice is muted, sad and happy at the same time. "I loved it so much."

"Tell me about it?" Stacker asks carefully and nudges Herc's cheek with his nose.

Again Herc seems to look for a place to start. When he begins talking, his voice is warm and rough with emotions that Stacker can also feel over their ghost drift. "You made us a family. You, me, Chuck and Mako. But they were young kids, about seven or eight years old, and we were their parents. Both of us. Mako called you 'Dad' and Chuck - little Charlie - hugged you like it was the most natural thing in the world."

Stacker can't help the shiver running down his entire body and he feels his breath hitch. He knows Herc picks up on it, but thankfully he just keeps talking. 

"Tamsin was there, too. And I got to meet Luna." Herc's voice breaks a little on her name. "They were together, like us, and they were obviously very close to Charlie and Mako. We all met in a café and had coffee and ice cream. One big family."

Stacker doesn't bother fighting the tears he can feel prickle in his eyes at the mention of his sister and the role she played in his perfect fantasy world. Of course she and Tamsin would be part of it. He suddenly craves remembering that world, that moment in the café. It hits him with a vengeance how much he misses Luna and Tamsin, and he's not surprised to get the same sentiment from Herc's side of the ghost drift. "Was she happy? Luna?"

"Very." Herc smiles warmly, obviously lost in the memory that Stacker so desperately wants to experience, too. "Luna is great, Stacker. I'm so happy I finally got to meet her. I know how much she means to you."

Stacker doesn't trust his voice, so he remains silent. Herc bends down to press a lingering kiss to Stacker's forehead, it's comfort and understanding and a soothing caress all wrapped in one.

"We had a house in Noosa. You, me, Mako and Charlie. It was right by the sea, with a porch out to the ocean." Herc continues with his lips still close to Stacker's skin, his voice barely above a whisper. "Luna and Tam came by a lot, and we cooked together and went to the beach to go surfing. There were no real Kaiju in that world, they were only figures in a movie."

"Sounds perfect." Stacker presses out, meaning every word.

Herc leans back enough to look in Stacker's eyes. His smile is sad, his voice soft with wistfulness. "It was. I got to spend almost a week there. I didn't want to leave, ever, and that's when I knew I had to before I got lost in it. But the worst was that I knew you wouldn't remember it."

Stacker turns to hide his face against Herc's neck, his eyes screwed shut and yet his cheeks feel wet. Herc wraps an arm around him immediately and pulls him close, offering comfort and sharing their misery. Stacker can't remember the last time he was so overwhelmed with emotion, and he knows part of it is because he can feel Herc's over the ghost drift. The other part is that Herc just mentioned everything Stacker ever wanted, all the little things he never dared to think about because he knew they weren't possible. 

"I wish I could remember." Stacker whispers against Herc's skin, not even sure if Herc can hear him.

"Next time we drift, I'll show you." Herc mumbles into his hair. They don't know yet if it's safe for him to drift again, but it still feels like a promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are love and you'd make this wee author very happy with a word or two ^_^ Thank you!


	41. Special Snowflake (Chuck/Raleigh, Sasha/Aleksis)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plans are made to get the PPDC some much needed money. Sasha Kaidanovsky isn't too fond of those plans. And then there's Raleigh Becket asking for her help, which is just weird.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It seems I'm mass-producing right now, so here's the next fic. I hope you don't mind me spamming you ^_^
> 
> Some of you might know that Russian names and their many forms are quite complex, and I think it's important to include that in order to write from Sasha's POV in a convincing way. According to my research, "Lyoshenka" is the endearing form of Aleksis' name that Sasha - as his wife - would most likely use to address him and when she thinks of him. If I'm wrong, please feel free to correct me ^_^

_Hong Kong Shatterdome, January 23rd 2025_

Sasha looks around the room and figures that it must be one of the best rooms in the med bay. Not only is it far more spacious than the others, it also has a large panorama window with a view over the bay along one side, in addition to the skylight that's the norm for all rooms. It's a nice room, in the sparse way of the design typical for Shatterdomes, and Sasha would be jealous if it weren't for the fact that she was allowed to leave the med bay already to return to her and Lyoshenka's quarters.

Stacker is sitting up in the bed, resting with his back against the headboard. Herc is perched comfortably on the edge of the bed in a way that tells Sasha that it's not his first time sitting there. All around them the room is slowly filling up with people. Sasha can make out all of her fellow Rangers, most prominent among them Cheung Wei Tang. His bed is just being manoeuvred through the door, followed by Hu in his sporty wheelchair and Jin on his by now brightly decorated crutches. Sasha shakes her head and hides a smirk. She can see stickers on Hu's wheelchair as well, mismatched and taped to random spots, which lets her know that he must have lost a few games as well - but not as many as Jin, judging by the chaotic look of his crutches. Even Cheung's bed sports the odd sticker. But then, Cheung has always been the best card player among the three brothers - still, the nurses are going to be so pissed.

Almost all the chairs that have been brought into the room are occupied by now. Stacker's young one is sitting next to Becket and Baby Hansen. Those two are still glued together by the hip, in this case literally. Sasha finds it amusing how the urge to touch manifests so openly in them, but then she remembers the time right after her first drift with Lyoshenka, how intense the need was - and they'd already been married for years at that point. Second honeymoon, she thinks with a mischievous grin and makes sure to send Lyoshenka an especially naughty memory from that time. She loves how she can feel him squirm in his seat next to her, yet he doesn't complain. Instead he sends back a corresponding image that gives her ideas for how to spend the evening. She would reply with an even more _inspiring_ image if it wasn't for the present company. She loves that game of one-upmanship, but knowing from experience where it can lead makes her stop before it gets out of hand. This is a professional meeting, after all, and it seems rather important. Lyoshenka chuckles next to her, knowing he's won that round. That Sasha elbows him into his side only makes him chuckle again. 

Sasha turns to the door when she sees Tendo enter together with Caitlin Lightcap, closely followed by Newt and Hermann who are engaged in another one of their typical arguments. When Hermann's hand twitches in irritation on his cane, Caitlin makes sure to take the seat between the two scientists. Instead of stopping, they just lean back in their chairs and continue bickering behind her, which only makes her roll her eyes. Tendo is plain out smirking, obviously highly amused by the situation. Like Sasha, he has known Newt and Hermann too long to try to interfere with their arguments. Lyoshenka always calls the bickering their personal kind of foreplay, and Sasha has to agree with that assessment. Where other couples would kiss to show their affection, Newt and Hermann argue. It has always been like that, even long before they became a couple.

Sasha likes how the three scientists seem to have formed a comfortable work relationship in the past week or two. She thinks it does them all good, and not just because pooling their combined knowledge makes them even more effective at solving problems. It also seems that Caitlin evens out the more nasty bickering between Newt and Hermann, and in return those two make her come out of her shell bit by bit. Sasha has known all three of them since the early days and although they'd been out of contact for a while due to the distance of their respective stationing, the connection is still there. 

It feels a bit like the old days to have the band back together in one place, and now that the Breach is closed, the pressure has eased a bit and allows them all to bond again. Sasha can't remember the last time she had so much time to play card games - and win them, too, she thinks with a smug grin, looking at the prominent blue snowflake decorating Lyoshenka's cast on the part that covers the back of his hand. He catches her thought over the ghost drift and looks at her with a little smile that most people wouldn't even notice because it's mostly in his eyes that it shows. It's his 'snowflake smile', as he explained once, reserved only for her because she's his special little snowflake. That was years ago, shortly after they got married, and Sasha still cherishes the memory of that early morning conversation. He's called her 'snowflake' ever since, and Sasha never protested - well, when it was _him_ saying it, at least. There'd been that fellow prison guard once who'd heard Lyoshenka use the pet name and then thought he had the same right. Sasha had busted his nose and broken his arm in two places - in the courtyard in front of the prisoners and the other guards. It had certainly helped to cement her reputation as somebody you didn't mess with. _And_ it had been fun.

Sasha shakes herself out of her memories and scans the room, then she concludes that all participants of the meeting must have arrived. All chairs are taken, she can't see anybody missing who should be here. It reminds her a lot of the last meeting, the one in Raleigh's med bay room about a week ago. Maybe meeting in the med bay will become a new PPDC tradition. Her gaze finally stops when it comes across Amanda James who is the one who called the rather spontaneous meeting. Right now she's standing next to Stacker and Herc, exchanging some last minute information. The woman is tough as nails when it comes to the PPDC's reputation and well-being, and Sasha respects her for it. Not all wars are fought with guns, after all, and not all weapons are physical.

"Ladies and Gentlemen." Stacker's voice cuts through the hustle and bustle as effortlessly as always and the room quiets down immediately. Sasha smirks. Stacker may be lying in a hospital bed, but that doesn't impact on his authority at all. "Let's begin now that we're all here. Ms James has a few important things to discuss with us." 

He gestures towards Ms James to give her the floor and she nods before turning to face the assembled group of people. She looks impeccable as ever in her grey costume. "I trust that you have all seen the two articles that Ms Sokolov published so far. And I'm sure you've noticed the effect they've had." 

Ah, Sasha thinks to herself, so all of this is basically Naomi Sokolov's fault. The journalist's second article in her four-part series came out this morning and it already went viral, just like the first one did yesterday - all over the world, mind you, not just in the Pan Pacific countries. It caused a massive interest in the PPDC, the closure of the Breach and the people who played the key role in that development. The first article focussed on the events that lead up to the final attack on the Breach, the second one on Operation Pitfall itself and its consequences. Sasha read them both as soon as they came out, curious about what the journalist had made of the things she learned in her time in the Shatterdome. She's done a remarkable job so far, and the reaction of the world confirms that. Her writing is captivating as well as informative, she doesn't take sides but still manages to give the PPDC the full credit for the closure of the Breach, making it clear that the UN had no part in that final assault. Sasha is already looking forward to the next two parts which are announced for tomorrow and the day after. She thinks they might focus more on the people involved, because until now the articles are more concerned with facts and events, and dear Ms Sokolov doesn't seem to be the kind of person to miss the human factor.

"The two articles published so far have created something close to a hype concerning the PPDC. Ms Sokolov has a huge following now and her future articles will most likely increase that interest in us. I have read all four of her articles for reviewing - which proved to be unnecessary, by the way - and I'm sure the effect will be very positive for the PPDC." Ms James pauses for a moment to allow her words to sink in. "What's essential now is that we ride on that wave of popularity. I'm sure it's no secret to anybody in this room that the PPDC's financial situation is precarious. We're vulnerable right now because we're operating on almost non-existent funds that we need to replenish very soon if we want to keep our independence from big organisations like the UN."

There are slow nods here and there. She's not telling them anything new, but she's putting it more bluntly than most other people have so far. The urgency of the situation is palpable, and Sasha is quite certain that Ms James is doing that on purpose to soften them up for whatever is coming next. She most likely wants them to do something she knows they won't be fond of. 

"Some of you might have heard about the following proposal before since it's been bouncing around for a while now." Ms James continues, sure that she has the full attention of the audience. "The idea is to go on an official PPDC tour through the countries that were affected by the Kaiju War, countries that _we_ defended for over a decade. We still have to come up with a catchy name for it, something that creates a feeling of unity and is easy to remember. We'll use the tour to promote our future task in and for the world, to show what we did in the last war against the Kaiju and to gather support to strengthen us against the UN. Of course we'll also use it to fundraise and establish connections to important allies, former and future ones, and to recruit new personnel."

Sasha catches the look Lyoshenka throws her that says _"Fuck no"_ as clearly as if he'd said it aloud. He's never been one for interacting with the press. He's fine posing for the obligatory pictures, looking all badass and menacing while laughing on the inside, but he hates talking to them. Although Ms James hasn't said it yet, Sasha knows just as well as him who she'll expect to go on that tour and be paraded around like trophies. _Money-making_ trophies.

"The participants of such a tour are you: All the pilots involved and some key personnel from LOCCENT and the K-science division." Ms James makes it sound like it's an honour to go on that tour and Sasha has to fight not to roll her eyes. Here we go, she thinks, the unpleasant part. "That means that we need your help. It's a promotional tour, basically, so we need you to be on your best and most charming behaviour. If you don't want to participate or only do so reluctantly, that will show and strongly diminish the success of the tour. I know that many of you aren't too fond of the press, but I ask you to think about this carefully. It's very important for the future of the PPDC, it might even decide if we actually _have_ a future."

Nice way to up the pressure, Sasha thinks and finally gives into the urge to roll her eyes. Lyoshenka playfully elbows her into the side and then leaves his left arm pressed against her. She can feel the shape of the cast against her ribcage, along with the warmth of his hand where it snuck under her coat. It's not just Becket and Baby Hansen who like physical contact with their perfect match, after all.

"That tour sounds like a rather extensive affair." Baby Hansen remarks from where he's basically draped over Becket, although they're still sitting each on their own chair. "How long are we talking?"

Good question. _Really_ good question, actually.

"About six weeks." Ms James replies and is promptly interrupted by Baby Hansen's whistle. It's definitely not an appreciative sound. 

"We came up with a schedule that'll include visits to all the cities hit by a Kaiju attack in the tightest possible timeframe." Ms James continues once the silence is restored, then she smiles in a pointedly understanding way. "We're well aware that most of you want to spend as little time as possible on this, so we tried to take that into consideration in the planning process. Still, we can't leave out any place that suffered an attack without offending not only a lot of people but possibly even an entire country."

That sounds reasonable, but it doesn't make Sasha like the idea any more. She doesn't hate the press as much as Lyoshenka, but the prospect of spending six week in the almost constant focus of the media is not exactly appealing.

"When do you want to start?" Tendo asks with no more enthusiasm on his face than any other person in the room. Even Stacker and Herc look anything but pleased, and they're bound to have known about this before. Ms James needed their okay before addressing the issue with the rest of them, Sasha is well aware of that.

"We need to do it as soon as possible, or we'll lose the advantage of the current interest in us." Ms James points out earnestly. "Of course there's an immense amount of planning involved in such a huge undertaking, and that will take a certain amount of time. Still, the goal is to get this tour announced within the next few days and get it on the road by February. We need to make use of the current hype before it ebbs away and takes with it our best chance to make money, gather support in the world and recruit the best personnel for our future ventures." 

She does have a point there, and Sasha can tell that everybody in the room sees it. Nobody is willing to let the PPDC down now that it's at its weakest, not after all the things they managed to do so far. Not in the face of another Breach opening at some point, not with no defences left standing. The PPDC's duty to the people of the world isn't over yet.

"You don't have to decide right now, but please let us know til tomorrow." Ms James says into the sudden silence in the room. "We really need to get the planning started, and for that we need to know not only how many people we're planning for, but also who will represent the PPDC when and where."

"Thank you, Ms James." Stacker gives her a short nod and that she returns before she steps back to lean against the wall. 

"Now, Ladies and Gentlemen, I want you to think this over and give your decision by noon tomorrow." Stacker looks every single person in the eye before he continues. "That's all so far. Thank you for your attention. Dismissed."

A low murmuring rises in the room when people get up from their seats and begin filing outside. Sasha catches sight of the triplets right before a nurse prepares to roll Cheung's bed back to his own room. Hu is skillfully manoeuvring his wheelchair around the bed while Jin hops next to him on his crutches.

Oh oh, they're grinning. All three of them. That's not a good sign, at least not for those around them. Sasha has known the Weis long enough to be _very familiar_ with the signs. They're part of the very few people who're not intimidated by Sasha, and that makes them even more of a pain in the arse. They've never hesitated to include Sasha in their pranks, no matter how evil her response was. They don't fear Lyoshenka either, which is a real pity. For once Sasha would have been entirely fine to just hide behind him if that meant to get rid of these three pests, their nasty ideas and their horrible taste in music. When she turns to look at Lyoshenka, he's actually smirking. She doesn't really understand why, but he's always enjoyed the prank wars with the triplets. 

Sasha sighs when she gets up from her very uncomfortable plastic chair. She already knows that that promotion tour is going to be pure torture - and not just because of the press, but also because of the prank war she can see looming on the horizon. Lyoshenka chuckles beside her, he clearly picked up on her thoughts. Of course he knows that he and Sasha will be joining the tour, there's no doubt about that. They don't need any time to think things through and come to a decision.

"Ah... Hey, Sasha." Sasha turns when she hears her name and finds Becket standing a respectful step behind her. He seems nervous. "Can I talk to you for a sec?"

Sasha immediately checks the room to see where Baby Hansen is, because he's bound to be somewhere close to Becket. True enough, he's still in the room, obviously deeply immersed in a conversation with Stacker's young one. Sasha nods to Lyoshenka to let him know to go ahead, she'll meet him in the mess hall, and he gives her hand a quick caress before leaving.

"What do you want, Becket?" Sasha is curious why he suddenly comes to speak to her when they never had much contact before, but she makes sure to sound a little annoyed. She has a reputation to uphold, after all.

"I heard you're the one to talk to when there's the need to... _procure_ something." He replies with a firm voice. He's obviously intimidated by her but does his best not to let it show. Sasha smirks on the inside, she's enjoying the situation way too much. 

"Maybe." She shrugs casually. Let him stew a bit, it's fun. "What are we talking about?"

"A keychain. A Gipsy Danger keychain."

Sasha can't help it, one of her eyebrows rises in surprise and makes the laceration on her forehead sting a little. "A _keychain_?"

"Yes." She's sure there's the beginning of an actual blush on Becket's cheeks, but he refuses to avert his gaze. "But not those flat ones with a picture printed on some plastic chip. Back in the day they made collector's keychains, basically a very small scale model with an astonishing amount of detail. That's what I'm looking for. The version after Mako's revamping, if possible."

"Why on earth do you want a Gipsy keychain?" Sasha can't help asking because this must be the weirdest request she's ever been approached with. She was expecting something illegal, or dangerous, or extremely valuable. Not a freaking _keychain_. 

"It's a gift." Becket resolutely doesn't look anywhere else as if to hide who the gift is for. There are only two options, though: Either Baby Hansen or Stacker's young one. Nobody else apart from Becket himself has a close connection to Gipsy Danger.

"And why the revamped version? I'm quite sure that's hard to find considering that there wasn't exactly much Jaeger merchandising going on that past year." Sasha keeps digging - just because she's curious. And maybe to push the price a bit.

Becket bites his lip, then his gaze flickers over to Baby Hansen who's still talking to Stacker's young one. "He never piloted the original version with me."

For a split second Sasha wants to coo over how cute that is, but she has a reputation to protect, so she makes sure that nothing of it shows on her face. She would never admit it, but she can't help finding Becket and Baby Hansen adorable. They're opposites and still the connection between them is undeniable. They're also quite volatile together, which in her opinion only adds to the fun. They kind of remind her of how Lyoshenka and her started out. Minus the drifting and the PPDC and the Kaiju, mind you, because all those things didn't exist yet when they first met.

"I will see what I can do." Sasha tells Becket after pretending to consider his request. "It might cost you, though."

"No problem." He agrees immediately, a smile on his face that makes him look like an eager puppy.

They shake hands on it, then Sasha watches him cross the room to join Baby Hansen and Stacker's young one. She can't help a smirk when she sees Baby Hansen immediately - and quite obviously unconsciously - step close to Becket until their upper arms are pressed together while they're standing next to each other. Cute, really.

It takes a bit more of an effort than Sasha expected to get what Becket asked for. His collector's edition keychain is not the easiest thing to find, but Sasha has all the necessary connections. She checks with all her sources only to find out that there's no keychain with Gipsy 2.0 as a model, they're all based on the first version of the Jaeger. So Sasha makes a few calls and gets in contact with a guy who specialises in custom made merchandise for Jaegers and Kaiju and asks him to modify an old version keychain based on the pictures of Gipsy 2.0 that Sasha supplies him with. For the right price the guy agrees and tells her he'll have it delivered within two days. 

Sasha decides that Becket doesn't need to know it was a custom order. He might think her sentimental or something. 

True to his words, a parcel is handed to Sasha on the morning of the 25th. She opens the small package because she always checks the merchandise before handing it over - it's _her_ reputation on the line, after all. Inside there is a small plastic box made to look like a Jaeger bay, and inside rests a tiny but sturdy model of Gipsy Danger, complete with all the details that turn her into the new, revamped version of Mako's doing. 

It's so perfect that Sasha can't help smiling at it. Damn, that guy really knows his stuff. She decides she'll get him to make a Cherno Alpha keychain just like this one for Lyoshenka. He'll love that. He misses their baby as much as she does, and sometimes Sasha catches him thinking that they should get Cherno out of the bay to reinstate her, just like Mako did with Gipsy. Of course they both know that won't happen. They're facing a new generation of Kaiju, so it's time for a new generation of Jaegers, too. Doesn't mean they'll ever forget their Cherno, though.

Sasha catches Becket in the queue at lunchtime when she spots Baby Hansen talking to Herc a few people further down the line. Sasha casually stands next in line to Becket to get served and he looks at her with a curious and hopeful expression on his face. It's a good thing he doesn't play poker, Sasha thinks while she unobtrusively slides the box containing the keychain over to him. He sucks at hiding his emotions, his face is like an open book. If he was ever dumb enough to play poker with the Weis, they'd have him covered head to toe in their horrible mismatched stickers within five minutes.

Raleigh peeks down and opens the box, only to gawk at the model of Gipsy Danger. He holds it up to better see it in the light of the serving counter and turns it around in awe before he looks at Sasha.

"Thank you, Sasha!" He says with a genuinely grateful smile on his face and his eyes are shining like those of a child at Christmas. He's holding the keychain carefully in his hand as if it's most precious, as if it might break at any moment, although that's unlikely given that it's been designed as a damn keychain. "Thank you so much. It's... perfect! This is amazing!"

Sasha can't quite hold back the satisfied - and maybe a tad smug - smirk. "You're welcome. I'll send you a message with the price later. Don't worry, it's not _that_ expensive."

"Whatever it costs, it's worth every dollar." Becket is still smiling when he carefully puts the keychain back in its box which then disappears in the leg pocket of his cargo pants. There's a rather impatient request behind them to _please_ get moving along the line and Raleigh quickly apologises to the disgruntled J-Tech before he pushes his tray along the counter. Sasha frowns when she notices how Becket arranges all the heavy things like plates and mugs on the right side of his tray and it takes her a moment to realise that it's because of his injured left shoulder. It's been over ten days now, though, his shoulder shouldn't give him that much trouble any more. Especially considering that the food tray isn't exactly heavy.

"Your shoulder still acting up?" Sasha asks and jerks her chin towards the very unorthodox arrangement on Becket's tray. He follows her gaze and then chuckles.

"It was getting better, but I had my first training session in the kwoon this morning and now it's hurting again." He explains. "On top of that, they've begun to ease me off the strong meds yesterday. It will take a while, but man, am I glad to finally get off those drugs."

Sasha just raises an eyebrow. It's a demand for clarification that Becket understands immediately.

"They may ease the pain, but they also screw with my senses and my memory." He shrugs - one-armed - and his mouth turns down. "At least I hope it's the meds and not some neural damage from my second stint of solo driving, because then we're talking about an entirely different set of problems."

"You fear it might impact on your ability to fight." Sasha points out while she picks the last bowl of mango slices that she knows Lyoshenka loves. She's never been one to sugar-coat things, and Becket doesn't seem to be offended by her directness.

"Considering how it affects my reflexes and my sense of orientation, yes, I sure do." He admits without hesitation while he carefully lifts the tray to walk over to the table where Herc and Baby Hansen are sitting. "Chuck and I are scheduled for a test drift under Doc Lightcap's surveillance this afternoon, though. She also wants me to do one with Mako sometime later to assess if I react differently to a normally linked drift, some kind of research related to Pentecost's situation, I think. Maybe that'll clarify a few things."

"I'm sure it will." Sasha replies while taking up her own tray. "Doc Lightcap is the best in the field of drifting and neural science. She'll figure it out."

"I sure hope so." Becket gives her a quick nod followed by another one of his puppy smiles. "And thank you again, Sasha."

Sasha returns the nod, even allows a little smirk because she kind of likes Becket, and lets her gaze scan the mess to locate Lyoshenka once Becket leaves to head over to Baby Hansen's table. Lyoshenka is sitting at their usual table with a few of their crew, just like Sasha expected. She makes her way over only to be greeted by Lyoshenka's questioning gaze. He's curious what all that stuff with Becket was about, but Sasha just quickly shakes her head and tells him over their connection to be patient. She doesn't want to spoil her surprise for him, after all, and she'll only get the chance to contact the keychain guy later today.

Lyoshenka raises an eyebrow, a bit in surprise and a bit as a challenge, but Sasha just gives him a teasing smile and puts the bowl of mango slices in front of him once she's sitting next to him. He eyes it appreciatively, then he leans in to nuzzle her cheek and his dark voice murmurs in her ear, "You're the best snowflake ever."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still love comments, so feel free to drop me a line ^_^ Thank you so much for still reading this fic!


	42. Family (Chuck/Raleigh, Chuck & Herc, Chuck & Stacker)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Herc tells Chuck about Stacker's drift-dream world and Raleigh has to deal with the consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, life is slowly getting a hold of me again, but my Muse is handing out ideas like mad right now, so here's the next fic. Prepare for the Chuck-feelz! XD I hope you like it! ^^

_Hong Kong Shatterdome, January 25th 2025_

Raleigh paces up and down in the hallway in front of the drift research lab waiting for Chuck to arrive. At lunch Herc had asked to speak to Chuck, so Raleigh left them alone once they were done eating, but not without passing a reassuring hand over the nape of Chuck's neck. It hadn't been too difficult to pick up on the unease Chuck felt, but Raleigh has a feeling that whatever Herc wants to tell Chuck, it's not a bad thing. Now, while pacing in the hallway and wondering where Chuck is, Raleigh isn't quite so sure anymore. It's not like Chuck to be late.

Raleigh stops to glance at his watch, then he picks up pacing again. His hand flickers to the thigh pocket of his cargo pants, feeling the roughly rectangular shape of the little box he's put in there. He's nervous. Not just because of the talk between Herc and Chuck, but because of the little gift he has for Chuck. He hopes that he got the right thing for him, that he'll like it. The keychain of Gipsy Danger 2.0 is beautifully crafted, but that's not what's important. It's the gesture, and since Raleigh has never given Chuck a gift before, he's not sure what to expect. Maybe he should have picked Striker Eureka instead of Gipsy? There's no doubt that she's Chuck's Jaeger, but Raleigh wanted to give him something they're both connected to, something they'd shared, something that's _theirs_. 

Raleigh stops and rolls his left shoulder carefully, trying to ease the constant throbbing that hasn't left since this morning's training session. He's not sure if he overdid it or if it's a result of the reduction of the meds. It might be a bit of both. He's not willing to ask for any kind of pain relief, though, because he's too much looking forward to getting rid of the drugs. _Any_ kind of drugs, but especially those causing his disorientation and loss of memory. _If_ it's actually a side effect of the drugs. He desperately hopes so, but he's not quite sure. Maybe the drift simulation that Doc Lightcap wants to do with them in a few minutes will clarify the situation.

It's why he's waiting for Chuck in the hallway outside the drift lab, actually, instead of inside. He wants to give Chuck the keychain _before_ the drift, because he knows that drifting is going to ruin the surprise. There's no way Chuck wouldn't see it in their drift, and Raleigh wants to catch him out of the blue with his little gift. Of course, in order for him to do that, Chuck has to show up first.

Raleigh takes the little box out of his pocket and looks at it for a moment. It's really beautifully made, even the details of the Jaeger bay it's supposed to resemble are accurate. Raleigh smiles at it and trails his fingertips over the bay doors with their black-and-yellow stripes. He's really grateful to Sasha that she managed to find this keychain. He has no idea how she did it. She's amazing. And maybe a tad scary.

Raleigh looks up and down the hallway, but Chuck is nowhere in sight, so he starts pacing again. It's not like that will make Chuck arrive any faster, but it helps Raleigh to deal with his nerves. He fears that if Chuck comes any later, he won't have time to give him the keychain before the drift, and that would really screw up his plan. Just when he feels like the frustration will get the better of him, Raleigh sees Chuck come around the corner. He's walking fast and his steps are clipped, and even without the feelings transmitting over the ghost drift Raleigh can tell that Chuck is agitated. Not necessarily upset, but confused and overwhelmed and a bit wary as if he doesn't know what to do with himself. Or with whatever it is that Herc told him. 

Raleigh meets him halfway down the hallway. "You okay?" 

"Yeah... I think." Chuck replies, a slight frown on his face. "I'll tell you later. We have to get to the meeting with Doc Lightcap."

"We've got a few minutes before we're supposed to be there." Raleigh reassures him and then reaches out to wrap his hand around Chuck's wrist and lets his thumb caress the pulse point. "What did your dad want to talk about? Nothing bad, I hope."

"No, not... _bad_." Chuck gently shakes his head as if to clear it. "More... strange. Unexpected."

Raleigh remains quiet and never stops passing his thumb over Chuck's pulse point. He feels how the touch calms Chuck, grounds him. 

"My dad told me about Pentecost's drift-dream. You remember, the one he hinted I 'loved' and then left me to brood about." Chuck makes a face, then he smirks. "You know what? I'll just show you in the drift, that's way easier than trying to explain the whole thing."

Raleigh nods in agreement. It's not a bad idea - Chuck is way better at transmitting his feelings than talking about them, after all. "Okay, let's do that."

"What's that in your hand?" Chuck asks out of the blue and Raleigh sees him looking at the little box that is mostly hidden in Raleigh's palm.

"Just a little something." Raleigh smiles, suddenly nervous again. He takes Chuck's hand and turns it with the palm facing upwards before he places the little box in his hand. "It's for you."

Chuck obviously didn't expect that at all, because he's looking at Raleigh like his words don't make sense, and he doesn't make a move to open the box. "For _me_?"

"It's called a 'gift', Charlie." Raleigh chuckles and smirks at Chuck. He's adorable when he's overwhelmed. "People do that when they like somebody, you know. Give them a gift."

"You got _me_ a _gift_?" 

"Yep, I did." Raleigh shrugs with the right shoulder, careful not to upset the left, and bites his lip before adding, "I want you to have something that I gave you." 

It seems that Chuck doesn't know what to say to that and Raleigh would have been worried that he did something wrong it if weren't for the amazed giddiness he feels coming over the ghost drift. Chuck already likes this surprise, even before he checked what it actually is.

"Open it." Raleigh encourages him when Chuck just remains standing in the hallway without doing much of anything other than trying to wrap his mind around the fact that Raleigh got him a present.

"Okay, okay." There's a smile full of anticipation on his face that makes him look years younger, and Raleigh likes how he seems to have forgotten about his not so good mood. He looks down and examines the box in his hand. "Is that a _Jaeger bay_?"

"Seems so." Raleigh replies with a teasing smirk. He can't wait to see what Chuck thinks of the tiny Jaeger model.

"You make it interesting." Chuck chuckles while he's opening the box. Then he freezes for a moment or two before almost reverently lifting out the keychain. He holds it up and turns it in his hands, examining it from every angle. 

"You got me Gipsy." Chuck's voice holds no reflection apart from surprise. 

Raleigh feels the nervousness raise its head again. "Do you like her?" 

It's like Chuck explodes. "She's so perfect! All the details are correct! Look at the way the exhaust vents are placed! And the cache for the sword on the left arm! Just like Mako redesigned Gipsy! Even the markings fit! See, the model number as well as the logo are a perfect rendering of the real ones!" 

Raleigh is too overwhelmed by the sudden onslaught of enthusiasm to react, but that's not a problem because Chuck doesn't give him any time to reply. "This model is tiny and yet the accuracy is superb! This is never ever part of a commercial merchandise line. This is custom made! Where did you find her?"

"Sasha." Raleigh replies with a chuckle, pleased with himself and especially with Chuck's enthusiastic reaction that's so very obviously genuine. Chuck is a true Jaeger nerd, after all. He feels Chuck's pleasure over the ghost drift, bright and pulsating, and it's a beautiful feeling. Raleigh really likes a happy Chuck. 

"Sasha. Of course." Chuck nods knowingly. "There's nothing those Russians can't get, be it thermonuclear bombs or custom made keychains."

Raleigh can't help laughing at that, especially because it's true. "Oh yes, they're omnipotent. Fortunately, they're on our side."

"True. The alternative would be bad." Chuck slips the box in the pocket of his jacket and cradles little Gipsy in his hand, looking at her again. "Why Gipsy?"

"She's ours, after all." Raleigh shrugs. "Well, she was."

"Nope, she still is." Chuck corrects, stepping closer to Raleigh and pulling him in a heartfelt embrace. Then he leans in and presses a kiss behind Raleigh's ear. "Always will be, too. Our girl. And she did real good."

Raleigh relaxes in Chuck's arms and returns the embrace. Only now is the tension easing out of him, tension that he wasn't even aware he carried around. Knowing that Chuck understands what Raleigh wants to tell him with this gift is not only a relief, but also makes Raleigh feel at peace. "I'm glad you like her."

"I love her." Chuck buries his face against Raleigh's neck and Raleigh can feel the tip of his nose nestle against his throat. "Thank you, Rals." 

"You're welcome." Raleigh replies quietly, a smile on his lips. He's pressed against Chuck from head to toe, indulging in the feeling of warmth, comfort and contentedness that wraps around him not only in body, but also in mind. He doesn't ever want to move, he could just stay here like this forever, wrapped up in and around Chuck.

"Oh, there you are." It's unmistakably the voice of Doc Lightcap coming from somewhere down the hallway. Raleigh and Chuck step apart, not exactly like they got caught but still aware that it's not quite appropriate behaviour considering that they're here in a professional function. The Doc smiles at them as if to show that she doesn't mind and gestures towards the door to the lab. "Why don't you come in and I'll tell you the plan for today."

"Hey Doc." Raleigh greets her with an apologetic smile when he enters the lab. It feels like she intruded on a very intimate moment, and he knows it's not her fault, but his. Things like this belong in private quarters, not in the very much public hallways. It's not like Raleigh didn't know she was expecting them and would come looking if they didn't show.

"Sorry that we're late." Chuck says after a quick peek at his watch and Raleigh knows that he's slightly embarrassed. Raleigh can't quite tell whether it's because they're really five minutes late or because Doc Lightcap kind of walked in on them. Maybe a bit of both - Chuck hates being unprofessional, at least where it concerns his job.

"Don't worry, we're in no hurry." Doc Lightcap replies in that reassuring tone she's somehow really good at. Raleigh spots Dr Gottlieb in the back of the lab by the huge blackboards that cover one wall of the very spacious room. There are legs sticking out under the apparatus that they used to drift last time, they can only belong to Newt. Raleigh is still a bit worried about the rather liberal application of duct tape on the drift machine. It's peeling in some spots, and that does not ease his discomfort at all.

"You want us to lie down again?" Chuck asks, indicating the hospital beds next to the machine with a jerk of his chin.

"Oh no, we'll head over to the simulator." Doc Lightcap replies while gathering whatever she deems necessary for the experiment. "I want you to go through a normal simulation, including a battle situation. Then I'd like you, Raleigh, to do the same thing with Ms Mori tomorrow." 

"What's the goal?" Raleigh asks curiously. He didn't expect that they'd do a sim.

"It's twofold. For once, I want to see if there is any neural damage that might interfere with your drift under normal circumstances as you would encounter in battle. Therefore I need a standard setting, and obviously you need to be conscious. It's a different purpose than your last drift with Chuck." Doc Lightcap explains patiently while heading over to the exit of the lab. "Furthermore we want to compare how your brain works in connection with your perfect match versus a normally linked pilot. I can't compare the results if we use the drift machine because Ms Mori can't use it with you due to you two not being a perfect match. So I need the same setting, meaning a simulation with a Jaeger as a third entity to complete the drift triangle."

"Makes sense." Chuck admits. Raleigh notices that he put Gipsy in the breast pocket of his jacket, she's peeking out at the top, the chain fastened to the button hole so that she can't get lost. He can't help smiling at the sight.

"So basically we'll do a standard simulation just like the first time you drifted. The only difference is that I'll supervise today's and tomorrow's drift and we'll gather all kinds of data that's normally not collected. We want to compare your drifts with Pentecost's and Hansen's. We cannot do this experiment with them because we have the very strong suspicion that drifting with anybody but his perfect match would seriously harm Marshal Pentecost, maybe even kill him. In order to test that theory, we need your drift data. As you know, Raleigh, you're closest to Pentecost's condition considering that both of you have piloted solo."

Raleigh nods while he and Chuck follow Doc Lightcap out of the drift lab and down the hallway. "So you try to recreate the situation with me to find out what would happen to him in order to assess a possible course of action."

"Pretty much. We especially want to figure out which things he absolutely _mustn't_ do." Doc Lightcap replies earnestly. "His brain is in a dangerously fragile state driftwise, so in order to be able to tell what he can do and in which capacity he can serve in the future, we need to define the limits without causing any more damage." 

"You mean whether he'll be able to pilot again." Chuck clarifies, never one to hold back. 

Doc Lightcap nods at Chuck before she stops in front of the main elevator and pushes the call button. "Yes, among other things. I'm sure you understand not only his urge to pilot again, but also what an incredibly high value another perfect match has for the PPDC. If we already had three perfect matches to defend the planet once the next Kaiju attack comes, we'd be at a clear advantage." 

When they're in the elevator, Doc Lightcap pushes the buttons for two different levels before she turns towards them. "Please change into your drivesuits and then come to the simulator. The techs in the drivesuit room are expecting you." 

"See you in a bit, Doc." Chuck says with a casual nod when she gets off at the simulator control level while Chuck and Raleigh continue up to the drivesuit room. She gives them a quick wave and proceeds down the hallway as the doors close again. It only takes a few seconds before they open again to release Raleigh and Chuck into the corridor leading towards the drivesuit room and the attached changing room. It's not the same rooms that served them before Operation Pitfall. Just like each Jaeger bay, the simulator has its own set of infrastructure, and Raleigh remembers only too well what happened the last time he and Chuck were in here. 

When he's hit with a wave of arousal, he realises that he's not the only one to remember. There's the odd image and sensation coming over the ghost drift while they walk down the corridor. Raleigh turns to Chuck who's looking straight ahead as if nothing is going on, but there's a distinctive red shimmer to his cheeks. He's obviously trying to behave professionally in face of their task, and Raleigh smirks, tempted to send him a sensual memory of what happened in the decontamination showers.

Chuck turns to glare at him, obviously well aware what Raleigh is thinking. "Don't, Rals. I'd like to remind you of two things: drivesuit speedos and tons of J-techs."

Raleigh swallows hard. "Good argument." 

"I know." Chuck looks smug, but at the same time pained. It looks quite funny and Raleigh would be laughing if he wasn't kind of dreading the speedo right now. It really doesn't hide a thing, and definitely not a full grown boner. 

"So, no naughty images at this time." Raleigh offers almost reluctantly. He's still tempted, he likes seeing Chuck all flustered, but he's also well aware that Chuck will not hesitate to repay him in kind. It's not appropriate thing to do in the middle of suiting up with dozens of J-Techs around.

Chuck smirks. "Well, not until _after_ the sim."

Raleigh can't hold back the chuckle. "Now that's a promise."

"Be careful, Rals, I can fight dirty, too." Chuck warns him with one eyebrow raised in challenge.

"I'm looking forward to it." Raleigh grins in clear acceptance of the challenge. Chuck doesn't get the chance to reply anything because the doors to the drivesuit room open right before them and then they're engulfed in the hustle of pre-battle preparations. They head to the changing rooms and quickly change into the drivesuit speedos, then the crew suits them up in their usual efficiency. They've all done it hundreds of times, and Raleigh can't help falling into the routine. It calms him at the same time that it excites him, his body vibrating with the anticipation to get in the Conn-Pod. He feels the same emotions coming from Chuck over their connection and Raleigh smiles at the prospect of finally drifting with Chuck again. Well, while he's actually awake and remembers what happens.

It takes only a few minutes, then Raleigh and Chuck enter the simulator's Conn-Pod. The techs follow them inside to strap them into the harnesses, then they leave and the door is closed behind them. 

"Gentlemen, how are you doing?" Doc Lightcap's voice comes over the comms, and it feels strange not to hear Tendo instead.

"We're all set, Doc." Chuck replies, immediately taking over the communication, just like he did last time.

"Just so you know how what to expect: I'll initiate the neural handshake, then I'll ask you to do a few exercises and afterwards you'll be going through a battle simulation. I'll be recording some additional data beyond the standard surveillance, but you won't notice any of that."

"Copy that." Chuck acknowledges, all professional now.

"Gipsy Danger, get ready for the drop." The Doc suddenly sounds like a LOCCENT officer, clear and calm and devoid of emotion, and Raleigh can't help wondering how many simulations and real battles she has already managed. Considering her background, probably a lot.

"Ready." Chuck confirms and the simulator rocks in the very convincing way a real Conn-Pod does when released from its clamps. Raleigh effortlessly holds his posture, then he feels the head connect with the body.

"Cuff link confirmed." Doc Lightcap announces. "Gipsy Danger, ready for the initiation of the drift?"

"We're ready, LOCCENT." Chuck turns to look at Raleigh with a smile that clearly shows how much he's looking forward to the drift, and Raleigh can't help smiling back. He feels Chuck's anticipation, warm and excited and contagious.

"Neural handshake in ten - nine - eight - seven..." 

Raleigh focusses all his senses on Chuck and simultaneously clears his mind. He can feel Chuck doing the same thing, it's a routine that almost all pilots do before the drift is initiated. It's not something the academy actually teaches you, it can't really be taught. It comes naturally for most of them, it's just what feels right.

"...three - two..." 

There's nothing but Chuck now, it feels like he's physically close although they're separated by the distance between their respective harnesses.

"...one..."

As always, the first millisecond of the drift feel like a carousel of sensations and emotions, too many to really take them in. They pass you by and then drag you along like a powerful river, but if you're comfortable with your drift partner, you feel totally safe in that current. Raleigh allows himself to sink into the river of Chuck's memories and that's when he sees it, all the things Herc told Chuck after lunch. 

Raleigh sees Herc through Chuck's eyes, how he's asking Chuck to come to their formerly shared quarters which Herc hasn't officially moved out yet but which he hasn't used in weeks. He sees Herc pacing nervously in the middle of the room, he can tell that the man doesn't know where to start with whatever it is he has to say. He sees Herc straighten his shoulders as if he's fortifying himself for what's coming, as if he's expecting a blow of some kind. He feels Chuck's guilt at knowing his dad's behaviour is his fault. 

He hears Herc tell Chuck about Pentecost's drift-dream world, about the things his subconsciousness made up to allow him to heal during his time in coma. He learns about the family Pentecost wished them to be, him, Herc, Mako and Chuck, how he would have wanted their childhood to be. Raleigh is surprised to hear the hitch in Herc's voice when he talks about Pentecost's sister and his former co-pilot Tamsin Sevier, when he tells Chuck that they were part of their little family. He observes how Chuck remains quiet throughout Herc's disclosure, in equal measure touched and stunned. He feels Chuck's confusion and surprise at all these revelations, at the fact that Pentecost would have wanted _him_ , _Chuck_ , to be part of his family. At the fact that this means so much to his dad that talking about it makes him so emotional that Chuck can for once read him like an open book. 

The most prominent feeling, though, is that Chuck doesn't actually know _how_ to feel about it. He's unsure about how to deal with all the things he learned and it seems that he finds a measure of relief in sharing his confusion with Raleigh. It may feel like minutes, but the memory takes only a second to pass through Raleigh, then he witnesses others followed by his mind clearing to the established drift. He turns to look at Chuck who's already facing him, and it feels amazing to be in his head again, to need no words at all to share everything.

"Neural handshake at 100% and stable." Doc Lightcap's voice comes almost as a surprise and jerks Raleigh out of the bubble he was in. "Everything looks good so far. Are you ready for some exercises, gentlemen?"

"We're ready, LOCCENT." Chuck replies over the comms, back to his professional self. The Doc begins with some easy tasks like moving only specific part of the Jaeger, from a limb to a finger or the head. She has them make almost acrobatic figures that get more complicated the longer the exercise goes on, obviously to test not only how their brains work together but also in how far the complexity of the moves mirrors in their brain activity. Raleigh finds it relaxing and fun at the same time, it's not really difficult to comply to the Doc's demands. He feels that Chuck is also clearly enjoying himself. 

That pleasure only increases when Doc Lightcap sends them into a battle simulation that has them defend Taipei from two Kaiju that are definitely based on the evolved creatures they've encountered by the Breach. It's a rough and exhausting battle, but they make it in the end and have both Kaiju reduced to pieces. Raleigh is grinning like mad, brimming with satisfaction when they're done, and he's not sure whether it's his or Chuck's feelings because they're one, all mixed up and just perfect.

"Great job, gentlemen." Doc Lightcap sounds like her normal self again, and she's definitely pleased. "Ready to disengage neural handshake?"

_I don't want to lose the connection_ , Raleigh finds himself thinking, but the voice in his head sounds like Chuck's. It's a thought they share, Raleigh realises, they both had it at the same time, and it makes him look over to Chuck who's suddenly much more subdued than he was a few moments ago. 

"Ready." Chuck confirms almost mechanically because he knows he has to, because he's aware that they can't stay in the drift forever although he'd like to, there's so much he-

And then he's gone, followed by the feeling of loss and confusion that Raleigh is familiar with after years of drifting. It's more powerful with Chuck than with all his other drift partners, probably due to the fact that their connection is a lot stronger as a perfect match. It's a relief to feel the drift hangover establish after a minute or two, slowly filling the hole the disconnected drift left behind. The ghost drift is filled with Chuck's confusion again, the same feeling that Raleigh picked up after he experienced Chuck's memory of his conversation with his dad, only that it's dulled now that the clarity of the drift is gone.

Chuck is silent when they get out of the Conn-Pod. Doc Lightcap is waiting for them outside the drivesuit room and she immediately picks up on the fact that something must have happened in the drift. When she looks at Raleigh with an enquiring gaze, he gives a quick shake of his head to indicate that it's nothing bad and nothing relevant for the experiment. She nods and dismisses them with a reassuring smile, but not before asking Raleigh to be back by nine o'clock the next morning for his drift with Mako.

Chuck is back to brooding, Raleigh can tell that effortlessly even without the clarity of the drift, and he stays that way all throughout the process of the techs freeing them from their drivesuits. At least I don't have to worry about an inappropriate boner, Raleigh can't help thinking while he's turning in whatever direction the techs tell him to. Chuck is done before Raleigh and he heads to the decontamination showers with just a quick glance back at Raleigh before he disappears around the corner of the narrow corridor. Raleigh sighs. He'll have to ease Chuck out of his weird headspace and back into reality. Maybe it helps to have someone talk to him who's not part of his current drama. That'll be Raleigh, then, because he's not involved with Herc and Pentecost and their little family of four with Chuck and Mako. A family that never clearly manifested as such, as far as Raleigh can tell, which is probably exactly why Chuck is so confused and uneasy right now. He likes clear structures, and his family is anything but clear and structured. 

Raleigh waits a little impatiently for the techs to finish peeling him out of the circuitry suit, feeling the fresh circuitry burns on his right arm itch and sting unpleasantly. He doesn't want to give Chuck the chance to evade him, and the longer this takes, the likelier it is that Chuck is already dressed and ready to disappear before Raleigh can corner him. As soon as he's freed of the last piece of his drivesuit, Raleigh hurries over to the changing room. He's relieved to find Chuck's neatly folded pile of clothes on the bench right where he left it with its owner nowhere in sight. Next to the clothes sits the messy ball of the bandage that's usually covering the circuitry burns on Chuck's right arm but that he had to take off for the drift test. That means he's still in the showers where Raleigh can corner him easily.

Raleigh strips off the drivesuit speedo, grabs a towel and hangs it on the hook next to Chuck's towel right by the entrance to the showers. He can hear the water running even before he rounds the corner. To his surprise he doesn't find Chuck hurrying through his washing routine in order to escape. Instead he's braced with his arms against the tiled wall, his head hanging between his shoulders and the water raining down on him. The room is already filling up with steam which lets Raleigh know how hot the water has to be. The slowly healing circuitry burns on Chuck's right arm stand out in a vivid red against his skin, irritated by the pressure and the high temperature of the water. It doesn't look like Chuck has even begun washing, more like he just came in here and stood under the spray without moving since.

Okay, so this is serious. Raleigh opens his side of the ghost drift even more and tries to pick up what mood Chuck is in because that'll define how he will approach him. Chuck may be more open and agreeable with Raleigh than with other people, but Raleigh isn't naive enough to think that Chuck's character has changed. He's still volatile, and he'll blow up in Raleigh's face just as much as in anybody else's if the situation arises. But Raleigh doesn't get feelings of aggression or anger over their connection, it's more a murky mix of confusion, unease, wariness and insecurity. 

It seems that the shower is where most of their deep, meaningful conversations take place, Raleigh thinks and walks over to where Chuck is standing under the spray. So why not continue the tradition? It worked well so far, maybe it'll work now, too. Because it's obvious that Chuck needs to get this off his chest. Or maybe he just needs a bit of help working his way through a revelation or two. 

Raleigh touches his hand to Chuck's shoulder when he reaches him. It's more a way to make his presence known than a real touch, although Raleigh knows Chuck has always been aware that he's in the room. Chuck reacts in so far that he stands up, pushes himself off the wall and lowers his hands. Raleigh steps past him to grab the shampoo and shower gel bottle and squeeze some of the liquid into his palm, then he begins to spread it in Chuck's hair with slow movement that are mostly caresses. The shampoo and shower gel liquid in the decontamination showers is specifically designed to counteract the sticky relay gel, but Raleigh always like the fresh citrus smell of it. The scent begins to spread in the room, carried by the steam of the hot water, and the longer Raleigh massages Chuck's head, the more he feels him relax into his touch.

He's almost caught by surprise when Chuck suddenly leans against him, resting with his back against Raleigh's front and letting his head sink down on his right shoulder. Raleigh feels him take a deep breath that escapes with an audible sigh. 

"Want to talk about it?" Raleigh asks quietly against Chuck's ear, allowing his hands to pass over Chuck's arms, down to his sides and then he wraps his arms around Chuck's waist. He's careful to keep his touch extra light when he comes to the fresh burns, but he still feels the echo of the pain in his own arm. The hot water is now cascading over both of them, slowly washing away the shampoo and shower gel.

"Don't know." Chuck sighs again, and it sounds like he's a bit annoyed with himself.

"Don't know if you want to talk or don't know where to start?" Raleigh lets his fingers draw a meaningless pattern on Chuck's belly and feels him melt a bit more into his arms.

"The latter, I think." Chuck replies after a moment, as if he needed time to think about his answer. His hands are reaching behind him now to pass over the outside of Raleigh's thighs, a slow movement that seems almost unconscious, just a manifestation of his need to touch Raleigh.

"Just tell me the first thing that comes to your mind." Raleigh offers, his voice just loud enough to be heard over the sound of the running water. "I saw what your dad told you, so you don't need to tell me what happened. Just what's on your mind."

Chuck is quiet for a minute or two. Raleigh can tell he's sorting through his thoughts to decide where he wants to start and Raleigh lets him take his time, knowing that it's best to let Chuck talk on his own time. 

"Why would he want me as part of his family?" It's like the words suddenly break out of Chuck, as if they've been turned over in his mind way too many times and finally need to get out. "It's _his_ perfect world, so why would he want _me_ in it? My dad, sure, I get that, but _me_? We were never that close. Or, you know, close at all."

Raleigh knows he's talking about Pentecost although Chuck never said his name. He's also not surprised that this is what bugs Chuck the most. Maybe it's time to open Chuck's eyes to some things he never wanted to see. "Why are you surprised?" 

Chuck shrugs in Raleigh's arms. "I didn't think he cared that much. It's not like he ever tried to get close to me."

Yeah, no surprise, Raleigh thinks and tightens his arms around Chuck. "Don't take this the wrong way, Charlie, but I can tell you from personal experience that it's not exactly easy to get close to you. I dare say that wasn't much better when you were younger. Most likely it was even worse at the time Pentecost came into your life."

Chuck just shrugs again, which is as much of a confirmation as Raleigh is ever going to get, so he continues. "If you're entirely honest, would you ever have let him come close?"

Chuck hesitates a moment, then he admits, "Probably not."

"Pentecost isn't stupid, Charlie. He knew that any approach he made towards you would have been met by scalding rejection. Especially if you had known that he's your dad's partner." Raleigh feels Chuck tense in his arms and presses a kiss to his shoulder to sooth him. "Think about it. It was just over a year after your mom died. You would never have accepted anyone that you thought was trying to take her place."

Chuck doesn't reply, and it takes a few minutes before the tension eases out of his frame again. Raleigh makes sure to keep up his slow caresses and gives Chuck the time he needs to think about his words. They're not meant as a criticism, but a nudge towards understanding why things happened the way they did. 

"So," Chuck says with a pensive, almost careful note to his voice, "you're saying that he knew he never stood a chance because I would have always seen him as an imposter trying to take my mum's place." 

"You're the son of his perfect match, Charlie. He knows that you're crucial to your dad's happiness, so of course he would want to include you in his life. If I know anything about Pentecost, it's that he doesn't shy away from a challenge, so if he had seen any chance to get to know you, he would have tried." Raleigh presses a kiss behind Chuck's ear. "But if he knew that trying would only make things worse, then he would have let it be." 

Raleigh feels Chuck take a deep breath, but instead of the fierce defence Raleigh expects, Chuck only lets it out slowly as if to calm himself. He repeats it a second time, then he admits, "I would have thought that he tried to take my mum's place. I don't anymore, but back then, I would have."

"I don't think he ever did try to take her place, Charlie. Through his drifts with your dad he must have seen her through his eyes, with his feeling overlying the memory. If anything, he would have understood why your dad loved her so much." Raleigh is relieved that Chuck is still listening without getting defensive. When he decided to breach this topic, Raleigh had known that it was a sore spot and that Chuck might take it the wrong way. That he doesn't is a sign that he must have thought about it a lot, and that Herc's words had a lot more of an impact than he probably ever expected. "I may not know your dad very well, and most of what I know comes through your memories, but he always struck me as a one-person kind of guy who's fiercely loyal to those he loves. That includes your mom, and I don't think that her death changed that."

"No, it didn't." Chuck confirms quietly and surprises Raleigh with his open acknowledgement, "I've seen it in the drift with my dad. I'm not sure he knows I did."

"So what's your issue with Pentecost's drift-dream world, Charlie?" Raleigh decides to push it and confront the actual problem while Chuck is in this reflective, almost open-minded mood. "That you suddenly realise that you had a family all along, and you never acknowledged it?"

The reaction is immediate and exactly what Raleigh expected. "They're not my-"

"Come on, Charlie, I've been in your head." Raleigh interrupts him before Chuck can deny it. "I know that you consider Mako your sister. You may have never told her, but it's how you think of her. So by default that makes you, her, your dad and Pentecost your family. And don't forget that I have drifted with Mako, too, so I know that she thinks of you as her brother."

Chuck has tenses up again, but he's not making any attempt to move out of Raleigh's arms. He's even still leaning against him, there's just a general tension in his entire body.

"That's the issue here, isn't it?" Raleigh probes gently, hoping that he won't push Chuck into a corner that will make him get defensive. "You're afraid of losing them like you lost your mom. You always have been." 

Chuck doesn't make any move to speak. Raleigh feels the turmoil of Chuck's emotions over the ghost drift, painful and twisted and almost choking him, but he thinks it's necessary to go on. 

"So you thought it was easier to just pretend you didn't care about them. That if you didn't let them come close, losing them wouldn't hurt so much." Raleigh continues with a gentle voice. Chuck is still silent, but his breathing has sped up and he's even more tense than before. "You notice it doesn't work that way, don't you?"

For a few seconds Chuck remains stiff and unmoving, then he sighs heavily and all the tension seeps out of his body as if somebody cut his strings. He suddenly sinks with all his weight against Raleigh before admitting in a weary voice, "Yeah, I noticed."

Raleigh does his best to hold Chuck up, fighting with the additional weight that especially his left arm is not ready to support. Chuck seems to pick up on his struggle and gets his feet back under him, carrying most of his own weight without ever putting any distance between his and Raleigh's body. To the contrary, it feels like he's melting even more into Raleigh's embrace, soaking up the closeness and the comfort.

"You're not alone, Charlie. No matter what you think, no matter how much of a jerk you are, you always have a family." Raleigh leans in and nuzzles Chuck's cheek, enjoying the way he leans into the touch. "You have your dad, Pentecost and Mako. And now, you've got me, too. I might be a bit of an idiot sometimes, but I won't ever leave you. You're _my_ jerk, after all, and guess that makes me _your_ idiot."

Chuck turns his head with a soft chuckle so that he can press a gentle kiss on Raleigh's lips. "Works for me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really don't like doing this, but here I am, begging for a wee feedback because not only does it make my day, but it also makes me feel appreciated. There's a lot of work, time and love going into these fics, so please, if you feel like it, let me know what you think! You'd make me a happy wee cookie! ^_^


	43. Bonds (Chuck/Raleigh, Raleigh & Mako, Mako & Stacker, Chuck & Mako)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raleigh and Mako bond over drifting, their rather unusual families and Chuck's stubbornness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sadly work and uni are back now, and I most likely won't have much time to write in the next weeks, but I'm still hoping to get the next fic finished soon (it's loooooooong ^^). I'm still in the flow and my Muse is being very generous and I don't want to miss out on any of her inspirations...

_Hong Kong Shatterdome, January 26th 2025_

It's precisely nine o'clock in the morning when Raleigh enters the drivesuit room belonging to the drift simulator. He spots Mako already easing carefully into the circuitry suit. She's supported by two techs because her left arm is still in a sling which they had to undo for the procedure. Now they're trying to get her into the tight suit without upsetting her healing collarbone before they can reattach the sling. Raleigh wonders how the heck she's supposed to do a battle simulation with a broken collarbone. In that moment she notices him and greets him with a pleased smile that's full of anticipation. She wants to be here and do this, there's no doubt about that. Raleigh decides that he'll take the left hemisphere, then, because his left shoulder may not be back to a 100%, but it's still better off than Mako's broken collarbone.

Raleigh returns Mako's smile before he quickly changes into his drivesuit speedo and then joins her in the process of suiting up. Chuck wanted to come along to the drift test, but Raleigh asked him not to because it'll be quite awkward to have a threeway drift hangover that'll be even stronger when they're all in close proximity. Raleigh also pointed out that this drift is between him and Mako, their personal bonding time. She's his best friend, and he wants to spend some quality time with her, especially while they're sharing the drift hangover. Chuck had mulled over it a bit, but by the end of breakfast he'd agreed, making it a point to let Raleigh know that he wasn't offended. 

Raleigh is honest enough to admit that he's positively surprised by Chuck's mature handling of the situation. He'd expected a bit more drama, hurt feelings and profound explanations, but maybe yesterday's talk did really change something for Chuck. He was quiet for the rest of the day, even as they passed by Amanda James' office to tell her that they'd participate in her promotional tour. It wasn't a bad 'quiet', though. Through their connection Raleigh could feel him think things over as if he was coming to terms with a lot of different issues and he just needed the time to do it. Chuck also made it clear that he wanted Raleigh close and unabashedly cuddled up to him once they were back in their quarters. Raleigh smiles at the memory of Chuck draped halfway over him, slowly falling asleep instead of watching the second Lethal Weapon movie. 

Now Raleigh's looking forward to drifting with Mako again. He liked the connection between them during and after their drifts before Operation Pitfall, and he's sure that Mako is looking forward to it, too. He knows how much drifting means to her, how much she craves that closeness to somebody she trusts. It was remarkable how much their connection had strengthened from their first to their second drift, and Raleigh is sure that a lot of it came from Mako allowing herself to trust him after she'd been in his head and knew that she could.

Mako has finished suiting up just a minute before Raleigh, and she's looking eager to get going, never mind that her arm is back in its sling. Raleigh grins at her and follows her to the simulator's Conn-Pod. "Ready to kick some ass, Ranger Mori?"

"I always am, Ranger Becket." She's smirking when they enter the Conn-Pod.

"I'll take the left side this time." Raleigh announces while he's walking over to harness number two.

"Thank you, Raleigh." Mako gives him a smile that's somewhere between touched and grateful. She knows she can't pilot the left hemisphere with her left arm in a sling. She obviously appreciates that Raleigh takes the initiative so that she doesn't have to ask to switch sides, especially since she's well aware of Raleigh's bad shoulder is on the left side as well.

The techs secure them in their respective harnesses before leaving the Conn-Pod. The door hisses as it closes, and only a second later Doc Lightcap's voice comes over the comms. "Welcome to today's drift test, Ranger Becket and Ranger Mori. Considering that both of you are still suffering from injuries, we'll take it easy today. The goal is not to exert yourselves, but to analyse your neural handshake while performing specific tasks."

"Understood." Mako says and Raleigh is glad she's taking over the communication.

"Basically today will include the same elements as yesterday's drift so that we create comparable data, meaning that I'll first have you do some exercises followed by a battle simulation." Doc Lightcap explains. Raleigh figures that it's mostly for Mako's benefit since he himself knows how the previous test was structured. "Now, are you ready for the neural handshake?"

"Ready." Mako replies after a quick look at Raleigh to make sure he is ready, too.

"Initiating neural handshake in ten - nine - eight..."

Same as yesterday, Raleigh closes his eyes, relaxes his shoulder and clears his mind. He focusses his senses on Mako, listens to the rhythm of her breathing and synchronises his own with it. He can feel her do the same thing, it's a routine they fall into without even having to think about it.

"... three - two - one..."

There's the flash that's typical for the initiation of the drift, followed by a wave of memories, images, sounds, tastes, feelings; specific moments as well as general impressions. It's difficult in a way he never experienced before to clear his mind and focus on the drift, to concentrate on establishing a stable connection with Mako. It's very different from yesterday's drift initiation with Chuck. Raleigh hasn't drifted with a normally liked partner since his first drift with Chuck, and it's only now that he realises the many little differences to the connection between a perfect match. It's not at all what the drift with Chuck feels like, it's not as precise, not as straight-forward, not as... _easy_. It actually takes effort, and while Raleigh knows that it always did, he almost forgot about it because of the effortlessness of his drifts with Chuck. He feels Mako experiencing all his impressions and for a fleeting second Raleigh is hit by her intense longing for a perfect match of her own, somebody she could share the things with that Raleigh just thought about. It's gone before Raleigh can get a real grasp of it.

Once the connection is made, it's easy to fall back in sync with Mako. The compatibility that's always been between them establishes right away, no fumbling or testing necessary. Raleigh feels his mind clear and then he becomes aware of Mako's presence, as strong but subtle as he remembers her from their earlier drifts. Chuck feels like raw emotion compared to her tightly controlled mind.

"Neural handshake at 97%." Doc Lightcap tells them over the comms. "It's nice and stable now, but I did detect some initiation trouble. Did you feel that?"

"Yes, I did." Raleigh replies because he's quite sure that the trouble was caused by him and not by Mako. "It's gone now, though."

"The data confirms that." Doc Lightcap agrees and Raleigh can hear some noise in the background as if she's noting something down. "Do you feel up for some exercises? We'll start easy and up the difficulty as we go."

"We're ready." Mako says, this time without looking at Raleigh because she doesn't need to. Their thoughts are shared so easily that she knows that he's ready. Doc Lightcap has them do the same exercises as yesterday, from moving a certain part of the Jaeger to complex figures. Raleigh is sure he remembers the complicated exercises as easier as he experiences them now, but he's too busy to hold onto that thought. He feels not only his own left shoulder begin to hurt, he can also clearly pick up on the growing pain in Mako's collarbone. He's worried, but she sends him gentle but firm reassurance that she's fine and wants to continue. 

After the exercises begins the battle simulation. This time they're defending Kamchatka, but same as yesterday, Doc Lightcap sets them up against two evolved Kaiju. At least she's sending them in one after the other and not together, probably in deference to Mako's and Raleigh's injuries. It takes longer to defeat the Kaiju than in yesterday's simulation, but Raleigh isn't sure if that's due to the normal link between him and Mako or simply because they're both injured. What he is sure of is that he's way more exhausted at the end of today's testing than he was yesterday, and it's almost a relief to disengage, get out of the drivesuit and under the hot shower. Once they're clean and dressed, Mako and Raleigh find Doc Lightcap waiting for them in the drivesuit room. 

"So, Doc, what do you say?" Raleigh asks when they reach her. He's slowly rotating his left shoulder to ease the pain. 

"It's too early to answer that question with certainty, but a first assessment seems to hint that you suffered some neural damage from your solo driving. Nothing extensive, not even remotely comparable to Marshal Pentecost's situation, but enough to show during your drift with Ms Mori." Doc Lightcap tells him frankly, not sugar-coating the facts. "I have to compare the data to get a conclusive result, but I can already tell you that your brain reacted differently than it did to your drift with Chuck yesterday. Interestingly enough, whatever damage you sustained seems to have no impact on your drift with him. My guess is that it's related to the perfect match connection, probably the same effect we've witnessed in Pentecost's and Hansen's drift."

"So I have suffered neural damage." Raleigh repeats just to be clear. And maybe because he feels like he has to say the words out loud to believe them. His stomach decidedly sinks at the sound of them, though.

"You have. But honestly, that is not surprising given that it was your second time driving solo. To the contrary, it's amazing how little harm the solo drifting did to you." Doc Lightcap confirms his suspicion with a serious expression. "As I said, I need to analyse the data before I can give any reliable results, but during today's drift there were moments when it was blatantly clear that something was off. You might remember the trouble during the initiation, that was the first hint."

"Yeah, I remember that." Raleigh nods and feels a wave of reassurance come over his ghost drift with Mako. "So might that damage be responsible for my disorientation and the holes in my memories?"

"I don't know yet, but I'll let you know as soon as I find something out. You've just begun to wean off your medication, it's too soon to say for sure that it's not one of their side effects." Then the Doc gives him a reassuring smile. "But I can tell you already that the simulation you and Ms Mori just completed was very good and your drift still ranges well above what most normally linked pilots achieve. So I'd say it's safe to assume that this new neural damage will not critically impact on your ability to drift, whether it's with your perfect match or a compatible partner."

That does actually make Raleigh feel better, even if there are still many unanswered questions left. "Thanks, Doc."

"Don't worry too much right now, Ranger Becket. You're still in the process of healing. Give it some time." Doc Lightcap says with another one of her reassuring smiles, then she addresses both of them. "Thank you for your work today. I'll keep you updated."

When she has left, Raleigh feels disorientated for a moment or two, and the only thing keeping him in the here and now is the steady ghost drift to Mako. He can tell that she's lost in thoughts, too. Maybe they both need a distraction, and Raleigh's grumbling stomach points out rather forcefully what that distraction could be.

"Want to go grab some lunch?" Raleigh asks and Mako smiles at him before she nods. He can feel her pleasure at the prospect of enjoying a quiet lunch together, and it's kind of nice to have that connection to her again. Raleigh knows that their ghost drift will fade, it'll probably be gone by the evening or at the latest by tomorrow, but for as long as they have it, Raleigh wants to make the most of it. 

They head to the mess hall, which is already pretty busy considering that it's not even noon yet. They're just loading up their trays with food and water at the serving counter when Raleigh turns to Mako, a smirk on his face. "Jaeger bay?" 

"Yes." Mako smiles and nods in agreement and they take their trays up to the work platform in the now deserted Jaeger bay that once housed Gipsy. It still feels wrong how ghostly quiet the bay is, so different to what a Jaeger bay is supposed to be like.

Raleigh sets his and then Mako's tray down on the platform, then he slowly eases down, careful not to put too much strain on his shoulder. It's really hurting by now, but he can tell that Mako's collarbone is even worse off. She's sitting down without her usual grace, using her right arm to get to the ground, and that alone tells Raleigh that she's in quite a lot of pain, too. 

She catches him watching and grins suddenly. "We look like to grandparents. _Invalid_ grandparents."

Raleigh laughs at the image she paints in his mind. "We most certainly do. I don't remember drift sims being so exhausting."

"Me neither." Mako agrees with a pointedly exaggerated sigh. "Maybe we are really getting old."

"You're twenty-two years old, Mako, I doubt that counts as 'old'." Raleigh imitates her excessively dramatic sigh. "Me, on the other hand..."

Mako just chuckles and pulls her tray over. "Then let's eat, grandpa. Maybe that'll give us some energy."

"Hopefully." Raleigh's stomach growls again as if to make a point, so he follows Mako's example. They both opted for some stir-fry with rice and vegetables, and when the scent of the food rises to his nose, Raleigh suddenly feels famished. They eat in comfortable silence, their feet dangling over the platform's edge and the ground that's several storeys below them. Mako kicks her legs from time to time, a strangely carefree little gesture that Raleigh knows means that she's happy and feels comfortable and relaxed. 

"How's your collarbone?" Raleigh nods towards her sling, swallowing the last of his stir-fry and putting the plate back on the tray. "Don't say it's fine, I can _feel_ that it's hurting."

"All right, it's not exactly fine." Mako concedes with an amused little twitch at the corner of her mouth betraying that she'd been about to say exactly what Raleigh had predicted. "But it's also not as bad as I expected. I knew that participating in a drift simulation with a battle situation was going to take its toll, after all. I told Dr Lightcap that I knew my limits when she asked me if I was willing to do a drift test with you." 

Raleigh snorts, but it's teasing and good-natured. "You fought a _real_ battle with a broken collarbone, Mako, so I'm not quite sure about that."

She inclines her head as if to admit that he has a point, but she doesn't say it. "I may go beyond my limits when the situation demands it."

"Welcome to the club." Raleigh chuckles and reaches for his dessert - a bowl of fruit salad. It looks very good and he'd heard it call his name when he'd seen it at the serving counter. "I think that's a characteristic that applies to most Rangers. Or, well, all of them, considering that there aren't many of us left."

"While we're talking about injuries: How is your shoulder feeling?" Mako asks with a note in her voice that admonishes Raleigh not to whitewash things. He knows it's pointless anyway, Mako _knows_. Not only because of the drift, but also because of the ghost drift that's still going strong. 

"It hurts, but that was to be expected." Raleigh shrugs - of course only with the right shoulder, he's become good at that - and then he pointedly looks at Mako's arm in its sling. "Judging by what I felt in the drift, it's not as painful as your collarbone, though, so I won't complain."

Mako smiles at him, amusement plain in her voice when she says, "Two peas in a pot, huh?"

"Definitely." That reminds Raleigh of something. "While we're at peas and pots: Chuck and I agreed to go on the promotional tour. You're coming too, aren't you?"

Mako nods, suddenly serious. "Of course I am. Fact is that the public regards me as the face of the PPDC, whether I want it or not. I'm also one of the pilots, so if I don't come along, it will strongly undermine our credibility."

"True." Raleigh hasn't thought about it like that, but her reasoning is plausible. She really doesn't have a choice - not that Mako would ever do something that goes against her sense of duty.

"I will not be along for the entire six weeks, though, only for certain periods of time. I can't leave the Mark VI and the Civilian Explorers developments alone for six weeks. It's too important that we get our defences up again." Mako doesn't say that a new Breach could open anywhere, at any moment, and that they're all sitting ducks right now. She doesn't need to, Raleigh is well aware of that unpleasant fact. "The same goes for Tendo-san, Dr Lightcap, Dr Gottlieb and Dr Geiszler. They're also only going to join the tour for specific events. Otherwise they're tasked to get the Proving Grounds and the Academy reopened and organise the transport of all necessary equipment to Kodiak Island."

"We're really getting the PPDC back on its feet, aren't we?" Raleigh asks with a bit of wonder in his voice. He'd had his doubts, but things are looking up now. "If that tour creates as much money and support as Ms James thinks, then we really have a chance."

"That's why it's so important that the tour is a success. We're really weak at the moment, especially financially." Mako sets down her empty plate and almost reverently reaches for the chocolate pudding she allowed herself to indulge in today. She's distracted from their conversation for a moment, and Raleigh can't help finding that adorable. He can feel over their ghost drift how much she's looking forward to that pudding, enough that she has to shake herself out of it in order to continue talking. Raleigh knows that most people would never believe him if he told them that the disciplined and perfectionist Mako Mori has the biggest sweet tooth he's ever encountered in a person. 

Mako looks up and forced her thoughts back on track. "That thermonuclear bomb took the last of our reserves. We're pretty much operating on hot air right now. Well, and debts, because we have enough of a standing since the closure of the Breach that we could at least get enough loans to cover our ongoing costs and the initial phase of the new research and construction."

"That bad?" Raleigh doesn't bother to hide his surprise. He hadn't expected that.

Mako nods gravely. "Now you know why Ms James insisted on the tour. It really is our last life line." 

"We'll make sure it's a success, then." Raleigh vows, then he grins. "I'll try to keep Chuck from offending the public at any chance he gets. Oh, and from punching journalists."

"That would help tremendously." Mako laughs quietly. "Believe it or not, Chuck-kun is very popular, especially with the young people, male and female alike. If he behaves, he can generate a lot of positive publicity - and money, obviously." 

Raleigh raises an eyebrow. "And if he doesn't?"

"Well, they'll probably still like it, as long as it's not completely out of line." Mako admits with a shrug, most of her attention is devoted to scarping the last of her chocolate pudding out of the bowl. "I've read once that he's perceive as the 'rebel Ranger' of the PPDC. There's no doubt that he's extremely skilled, but at the same time he defies the system. They identify with him."

"Don't _ever_ tell him that, Mako." Raleigh warns her with an exaggerated horrified expression on his face. "His ego is big enough as it is. He'll never let us live it down."

That makes Mako laugh, and Raleigh joins her. There's a bit of truth to his words, though, and they both know it.

"I'm glad to see that you and Chuck-kun have managed to get past your issues. You had me worried for a moment." Mako says with a genuinely pleased smile, but Raleigh can also feel her confusion in their ghost drift. "I'm still surprised how two people in a perfect match bond manage to have such misunderstandings, though."

"I guess we're just a little pig headed, short sighted and egocentric, Chuck and I." Raleigh admits with a chuckle that's a little pained. He's well aware that the mess after Chuck told him about Yancy was entirely Raleigh's fault, but that it was Chuck who paid the price for it. "We're very lucky to have you, though, to kick our asses when we need it."

"I'll be happy to help." Mako offers with a smirk, licking the last of her chocolate pudding off the spoon. Raleigh likes seeing her like that, for a moment she's just Mako, not the head of the Jaeger construction team or the face of the PPDC. He thinks she doesn't get that opportunity as often as she should.

"How was your pudding?" Raleigh enquires with a smirk when Mako puts down the bowl on her tray.

"Delicious." Mako replies with a smile that reminds him of the cat who ate the canary. He can feel her satisfaction filling their ghost drift, too. "And your fruit salad?"

Raleigh looks at the bowl in his hands that's long since empty, he just forgot that he's still holding it. "Very good. I love that there's no shortage of tropic fruit in Hong Kong. Anchorage wasn't exactly blessed with a fruit variety."

Mako nods in understanding. "I remember that fruit were rather rare in most Shatterdomes when I grew up. Hong Kong was always special as an open port."

She falls silent and Raleigh feels that her thoughts are drifting towards another, more serious topic. He grabs his water bottle to drink and waits for her to decide where she wants to start, because there's no doubt that she wants to talk about it. 

It takes a few minutes of them just sitting next to each other in companionable silence before Mako speaks. "Sensei talked to me yesterday. He told me about the drift-dream Hansen-san experienced when they drifted while Sensei was still in a coma."

"I know." Raleigh nods with a gentle smile, not really surprised that this is what's on her mind. He knows from the memory of Herc's conversation with Chuck that Pentecost was supposed to tell Mako about it, too, because Herc mentioned it at the beginning.

Mako inclines her head in immediate understanding. "Chuck-kun?"

"Yeah." Raleigh confirms quietly. Of course she knows that Chuck would have told him about something like that. "And I got a fleeting impression of your and Pentecost's conversation during our drift."

"How did Chuck-kun take it?" Mako slowly sips her water. Raleigh can tell that she knows Chuck well enough to be aware that such revelations are bound to have a strong effect on him.

"Not too well at first." Raleigh admits with a pained half-smile. "He showed me the conversation with his father during our drift test. Afterwards it took a lot of talking and cuddling to get him out of his own mind which was turning in circles. I think he was mostly surprised and confused. He probably never dared to think about who his family was after his mother was killed. You know how badly he deals with rejection, and how much he fears losing those he cares for. It was just easier to pretend he didn't care about anybody."

Mako nods with a long sigh. "Yes, that sounds like something Chuck-kun would do."

Raleigh leans in just enough to very gently bump his bad left shoulder against her uninjured right arm. "And you? How do you feel about it?"

Mako is quiet for a long while, just staring out into the vastness of the empty Jaeger bay. Raleigh watches her and at the same time he lets her emotions pass over him through the ghost drift. He can feel that she's ready to answer even before she turns to face him. There's a little smile on her face that definitely holds a note of wistfulness. "I would have liked to grow up in that world." 

Raleigh feels a shiver run down his entire body that he knows is caused in part by Mako's intense longing that is transmitting over their drift hangover. He can feel that she would have loved to have that childhood, to have Pentecost and Herc as her parents, to have Tamsin and Luna as her crazy aunties, to have Chuck as her real brother. She would have loved a world without Kaiju, a world full of ice cream and favourite movies and Jaeger sand sculptures on the beach. But most of all, she would have loved to have that family Pentecost imagined, and to call it hers.

"They still became my family, even if we didn't share the life Sensei wished for." Mako says quietly, but her voice is firm. Then she bites her lip, and Raleigh knows she's not done yet. He just waits for her to continue and allows her to lean against him, not matter that the contact makes his bad shoulder hurt. Mako usually isn't one to initiate physical contact, but he can tell that she needs the touch right now. "Sensei, Hansen-san and Chuck-kun are my family. I told Sensei that, after he woke up. I think he never really knew." 

Mako sighs and it sounds pained and weary. "He apologised for the childhood he gave me. I couldn't let him believe that he failed me in any way, because he didn't. If he hadn't come to get me out of that orphanage, my life wouldn't have been very nice. I was just one of many children with no direct family, and the relatives I had made it unmistakably clear that they didn't want me."

"He gave you a chance to have a life." Raleigh muses.

"More than that. He gave me a _home_ \- not a place, but the feeling to belong with somebody who wants you, loves you and won't ever give up on you. That's worth more than a place." Mako's voice is quiet yet passionate in a way Raleigh hasn't heard before and he slowly begins to see Mako's relationship to Pentecost in a new light. He's not just some hero figure who saved her, but a real parent, a father in every way but by birth. Mako deeply loves him and it pains her that he might think he failed her. In a strange way it makes Pentecost more real and human to Raleigh, something he never really associated with the man. There's a reason why Pentecost makes such an excellent fixed point, after all.

"And then he gave me a family, too. Even if it's not a traditional one." Mako continues, her voice softer than before, then she gives him a half-smile. "Even if it still needs some work."

Raleigh chuckles. Mako is not one to gloss over the real issues. She's well aware that it will take some effort on everybody's part to turn her makeshift family into a stable one. "I think Chuck got to that conclusion, too. Or, well, he's still on the way to that realisation. But in any case, yesterday was a good start."

"Maybe Operation Pitfall has its good side, too. Apart from closing the Breach." Mako's voice sounds pensive, like she just came to realise some things. "We found out that we have something to lose. All of us. When I was in that orphanage in Tokyo, I never expected to be part of a family again. But now I have Sensei, Hansen-san and Chuck-kun. And I don't want to lose them again."

Raleigh nods slowly, following her train of thought. "And for Chuck to realise that he had something to lose, it took actually losing it. Losing his dad and Pentecost."

"And you." Mako points out, never one to keep silent when she thinks something needs to be said. "Losing you almost pushed him over the edge, Raleigh. And I think that that experience opened a few doors that had been firmly shut for years."

Raleigh looks down with a frown that's mostly guilt and regret. "And then I go and shut him out when he told me about Yancy."

"Yes, that was bad." Mako eyes him with concern as well as a challenge in her gaze. "But I think you know that now. And I hope you have learned to never do it again."

"I have." Raleigh holds her gaze and feels her approval over the ghost drift. 

"Good. Because I'm not sure Chuck-kun can deal with losing you a third time." Her voice makes it clear that she means it, and it makes an unpleasant shiver run down Raleigh's spine. "I have known him for a long time, but I have never seen him so hurt."

"I know. He put up shields, but it still leaked through." Raleigh presses his lips into a thin line. He knows that Mako has enough experience to understand how strong feeling have to be when somebody as good in shielding as Chuck doesn't manage to keep them from transmitting. "And I felt it all when our ghost drift reopened. It was... a lesson. One I don't ever want to repeat."

He can tell that Mako picks up on the unpleasant memories he's reliving and that she gets a gist of the depth of the pain he inflicted on Chuck. He's sure that she also feels the intense hurt that made him curl up on himself when Chuck told him about Yancy.

"I know that Yancy is a sore spot for you, Raleigh." Mako says gently, but her voice is firm. She makes a point to hold his gaze to show him that she means it. "But you need to learn that you're not alone anymore. You don't have to deal with it on your own."

Raleigh feels her support and understanding over their ghost drift, and he gives a little lopsided smile. "Thank you, Mako."

"That's what friends are for." She gently nudges his shoulder and smiles at him. "I consider myself very lucky to have met you. I never had a best friend before."

"We moved around a lot, so I only ever had Yancy." Raleigh bites his lips when another feeling washes over him at the mention of his brother's name. Anger. "You know, when Chuck told me about what Yancy did during that drift, I really wanted to punch Yancy. I haven't felt like that in years."

"Punch him?" Mako asks with obvious surprise in her voice. "What did he do?"

"He sent Chuck into the memories of the worst time of my life. It was right after Knifehead, in the hospital." Raleigh grits his teeth and forces himself to talk about something that he never mentioned voluntarily before. To anyone. Chuck only knows about it because of Yancy's stunt. "I was in a bad way back then. Really bad. I saw no reason to keep going, but a lot of reasons to just stop living. And Yancy sent Chuck in my mind as it was at that point."

"Oh dear." Mako's tone makes it clear that she knows exactly what such an experience would do to Chuck, especially in the context of what happened to Raleigh during Operation Pitfall. Raleigh can feel her shock and worry over the ghost drift, sharp and intense. She's well aware that Chuck never dealt well with loss, and this is kind of his worst case scenario. 

"Obviously I didn't know about what Yancy did because I couldn't - and still can't - remember anything about that drift. But now imagine, in the context of these events, what me cutting off our ghost drift must have felt like to Chuck." This is something Raleigh has felt guilty about ever since Chuck told him about Yancy's inconsiderate, even cruel actions. Raleigh still doesn't know how to make up for his horrible misstep, no matter that it was unintentional.

"Why did Yancy do that to him?" Mako asks with a frown. "If I understand correctly, then he knows everything you do, which means that he must have been aware of what his action would do to Chuck-kun."

"Exactly." Raleigh nods with a grim expression on his face. "And now you know why I wanted to punch Yancy. I still do, actually."

Mako nods slowly. "I understand." 

"Chuck says it was part of the shovel talk Yancy gave him." Raleigh continues to explain. He still feels that urge to hit Yancy, it's kind of simmering under his skin. "He's a lot more understanding than I am, actually."

Mako's eyebrows rise in surprise, as if she's not quite sure she heard right. "Chuck-kun doesn't resent Yancy for it?"

"No, he doesn't. Actually, he said that he understands why Yancy did it." 

"I didn't expect that." Mako admits with obvious astonishment, but there's approval in her words. "Chuck-kun has really changed a lot in the past weeks."

"He has." Raleigh agrees with a slow nod, remembering the antisocial jerk he met when he first arrived in Hong Kong. "I have only met him about three weeks ago, but even I can tell he's not the same guy anymore who I fought with in the hallway in front of Pentecost's office. A lot of pivotal things have happened, though, so I guess it's not actually _that_ surprising. I didn't come out of the encounter with Knifehead unchanged, either, after all."

"I'm sorry that I never met Yancy." Mako replies with a quiet voice, leaning with her shoulder against Raleigh's again. "He's so important to you, yet I feel like I have only a very much incomplete picture of him in my mind that consists of your memories and things I heard as a child."

Raleigh feels his throat close with something that's hurt and regret and guilt and the craving to see his brother again, no matter how much he behaved like an ass in the drift with Chuck. Mako mentioning him in that voice filled with genuine regret makes Raleigh miss him so much again, like a phantom pain in a limb he lost, a pain that he can never ease. Knowing that Yancy is somewhere in his mind right now - and has been all that time - only makes him feel even more guilty.

Raleigh swallows the lump in his throat and leans into Mako's shoulder. "Next time we drift, I'll show you some of my memories of him. Then you can see for yourself." 

Mako gives him a gentle smile. "I would like that."

Raleigh falls silent and turns to stare out into the vastness of the Jaeger bay, knowing that Mako is doing the same thing. They're still leaning against each other, and Raleigh can tell that Mako feels comfortable and generally content, although she's also lost in her own thoughts. It's a companionable silence, and Raleigh enjoys relaxing into it. He's glad Pentecost came to get him to join the PPDC's final assault. He's glad to finally feel like he's living again, like he has a purpose again, like he belongs somewhere. When he was crawling around the massive structures of the Wall of Life, he'd never once thought about belonging somewhere again, all of these thoughts and hopes were ripped out of his mind and heart when Knifehead tore through Gipsy's Conn-Pod and took Yancy away. Raleigh remembers going from day to day without any kind of emotion beyond regret, guilt and sadness. Now his life feels so very different - in a good way.

"I'm glad Pentecost made me come here." Raleigh hears himself say out loud into the silence and he's kind of surprised by the sound. He turns to face Mako who's now looking at him with that pleased little smile of hers. 

"So am I." She gently bumps into his shoulder. "Welcome to our strange Shatterdome family, Raleigh."

"Thanks, Mako." Raleigh feels a smile come to his face. He knows he finally belongs _with_ somebody again. Chuck and Mako are his family now, and Yancy may be currently out of reach, but at least he's still there. Things are finally looking up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this fic and if you feel like it, make my day with a wee comment? ^_^


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